Young teen and hygiene

[Moxie]

A young girl I know recently became a woman, iykwim. She has ruined several pairs of pants. How can I help her? Diva cup?

[JustEm]

Hmm, I could imagine a diva cup being quite intimidating for a teen new to af, they intimidate me! I would encourage a good brand and shape pad and then tell her about her other options for when she gets used to the whole thing. I personally could use tampons until after I had TeA for the first time so pads was it for me so that is where my advice stems from.

[unsinkable]

Super long pads with wings, but the thin kind, cover underwear the most.

 

Take underwear and pants off immediately if the pad leaks and either soak or rinse and wash right away. I've never had permanent stains if leaks are taken care of immediately.

[MBM]

 

My daughter wore dark pants and jeans and black underwear until she figured what worked best for her.

 

There is a great product out there that can get out blood and all kinds of stains called Kiss-Off Stain Remover. That might help with accidents. I have used it successfully even on old stains. Might be worth a try.

[Guest]

This might be tmi--sorry, but I'm stumped. Her issues are in the back, during the day. Like, all the way up the back, about 3 inches below the waistband. I have no idea how to help her but I'm so glad she is homeschooled!

[Aiden]

What is the problem, exactly? My advice would be different depending on what's going on:

 

If she's not regular enough yet to predict and therefore gets caught unawares, so the ruined pants occur at the start each month, I would counsel her to take a purse with her everywhere and to have supplies always available. Use something like the Android app My Days to keep track of her start dates, and even if she's irregular, she should have an idea of when it's getting close. Once she believes she'll start soon, she can either go to the bathroom more frequently to check, or she can just start using a pad so she's prepared whenever she does start. Also, she can start wearing darker colored bottoms to help hide it if she starts unexpectedly.

 

Does she wait too long to go to the bathroom, or have an unusually heavy flow, and so there are leaks? If so, counsel her to go to the bathroom by the clock rather than by whether or not she thinks she needs to go on those days. This could be a problem if she's in a public high school with limited time between classes, but she may be able to enlist the help of the school nurse to get excused tardies for a few days a month. Also, if leaks are a problem and she can't go to the bathroom more frequently, she may need to use thicker pads or higher absorbency tampons. Doubling up thinner pads also can help increase absorbency with minimal increase in discomfort.

 

I also suggest thin, long pads with wings for younger girls. However, if she wants to try tampons, that could help increase absorbency without decreasing physical comfort, and it would allow to double up tampons and pads if needed during times when she can't get to the bathroom.

 

When possible--and it isn't always--she may prefer also to carry a spare set of underwear and/or pants in her bag, just in case she needs to change while away from home. (I wouldn't recommend carrying those in a store that sells clothing though ... I have visions of being accused of shoplifting ...)

[Aiden]

This might be tmi--sorry, but I'm stumped. Her issues are in the back, during the day. Like, all the way up the back, about 3 inches below the waistband. I have no idea how to help her but I'm so glad she is homeschooled!

 

Use two thin, long pads: one more toward the front, the two overlapping in the middle, and one all the way up the back. Also counsel her to sit up straighter rather than reclining on problematic days, and to go to the bathroom based on the clock rather than her bladder. Or she can try tampons.

[unsinkable]

Not TMI at all. It's helpful.

 

I place pads differently depending on what I'm doing. If I am going to be on my feet/walking, I put them in the middle. Sleeping and sitting, more toward the back. Can you get the thin panty (sorry!) liners* and put one up higher, like behind the main pad or perpendicular to it?

 

*I mean the kind that are like 100 for $3.

[Haiku]

I suggest the Diva cup. I'm not really sure why it would be intimidating. It's easy to use after a little bit of practice and pretty much prevents leaks. All the trouble of doubling up and re-arranging pads and rushing to the bathroom seems a lot more intimidating to me.

[bolt.]

Also, windex can easily dissolve all blood-based messes: and even works on dried blood and many stains.

 

In our house children recieve lots of 'free money' so that I can use it as a teaching tool for responsibility issues. So, it's not really mean-mommy for me to say that when my children ruin things out of careless behaviour, both they and I think it's pretty natural for them to pay for a replacement.

 

In our family, by 3 pairs of ruined pants, I'd be wondering if she really was trying all the strategies and genuinely focusing her attention on the goal of learning to manage her flow. If I really thought she was giving her best effort to pick up the new skill to the best of her ability, I'd not involve replacement costs. If I thought she was taking the situation lightly, not bothering, not concerned, she would be paying for each pair of new pants from now on.

[Guest]

I don't care about the clothes. My concern is helping this child live with her new normal.

[bolt.]

I don't do the replacement-cost thing because I care about the clothes (or the money). It's more that I (might!) need to communicate that ruining things regularly is not normal. It shows that 'current method is insufficient' in a concrete way, which can be handy if the child gets stuck in the idea that their current method is 'probably fine' because ruined things disappear swiftly and are replaced without any noticeable cost or effort.

 

In my context it works because there is plenty of money and the message is a mild, friendly, 'objects need replacing when they get broken, because the world isn't magic, of course' sort of message. In other contexts, with other messages, the idea of replacement-cost can be shameful, nasty, harsh, and punitive.

[Guest]

I don't do the replacement-cost thing because I care about the clothes (or the money). It's more that I (might!) need to communicate that ruining things regularly is not normal. It shows that 'current method is insufficient' in a concrete way, which can be handy if the child gets stuck in the idea that their current method is 'probably fine' because ruined things disappear swiftly and are replaced without any noticeable cost or effort.

 

In my context it works because there is plenty of money and the message is a mild, friendly, 'objects need replacing when they get broken, because the world isn't magic, of course' sort of message. In other contexts, with other messages, the idea of replacement-cost can be shameful, nasty, harsh, and punitive.

Gotcha!

[City Mouse]

Since she is homeschooled, I would just set a timer at first and have her change every two or three hours at first even if she doesn't think it is necessary.

[zoobie]

Super overnights with wings and underwear that fits snugly. Sounds like it is pooling when she's reclining/lying back and not getting caught by the pad. Tampon or diva cup would help if she can use them. The diva cup may not fit well on a young person pre-babies and all.

[Laurie]

I buy overnight with wings for my teen for daytime use on heaviest days:  http://www.kotex.com/NA/products/u-by-kotex-extra-pads-long/38405

 

 

(I don't know if they've changed the box...but the one I've been buying is called U by Kotex Ultra Thin Overnight.)

[Sherry in OH]

This might be tmi--sorry, but I'm stumped. Her issues are in the back, during the day. Like, all the way up the back, about 3 inches below the waistband. I have no idea how to help her but I'm so glad she is homeschooled!

 

Is she reclining a lot due to cramps?  That kind of staining is common overnight.  Have her position long pads so that the bulk of the pad is to the rear.  Experiment with different brands and styles, some may suit her needs better than others.  Also, underwear must be snug.  Even correctly positioned pads will shift out of place if underwear are loose. 

 

In many ways modern sanitary products are like disposable diapers.  They do such a good job of wicking liquid away that they don’t become uncomfortable soon enough.  Having her change pads every two hours on heavy flow days would help.  Tampons leak too if not changed frequently enough. 

[Reefgazer]

Until she gets the hang of her flow and cycle, I would set her up with superlong pads with wings, or if she's the athletic type, with tampons and pad backup.  The Diva up intimidates me, and I'm 52 with 2 kids, so I can't imagine handing a young teen that.  I think those accidents are par for the course until girls learn on their own what they need for pads/tampons and how to place them.

[Reefgazer]

Sounds like she might need extra long pads and/or assistance with pad placement.  She'll have to shuffle the pad's position, depending on whether or not she'll be lying down or sitting upright.  I agree that she needs to hit the potty more often until she sees what her pad-changing times need to be.

This might be tmi--sorry, but I'm stumped. Her issues are in the back, during the day. Like, all the way up the back, about 3 inches below the waistband. I have no idea how to help her but I'm so glad she is homeschooled!

 

[AndyJoy]

I had heavy periods as a teen and had that issue. I found that wearing thin black bike shorts over underwear was a huge help. Super-long Kotex WITHOUT wings worked best for me.

[Pawz4me]

Okay, I'm a long way from that time of my life and don't have any daughters, and I realize this suggestion may be off the wall, so feel free to take it FWIW, but -- Why not get her to wear disposable underwear (Depends, etc.) on her heaviest days, along with a pad?  Aren't those at least a little bit absorbent all over?  I know a teen would likely think old lady disposable underwear is awful, but . . . maybe not so awful as leaks and mess and ruined clothes?

[maize]

Diva cup never worked for me, the shape and layout of things makes a difference.

 

I was fine with tampons from a young age, it can be easier to start out with the "slender" teen applicator versions. And use a long pad under the tampon.

[maize]

Just wanted to add if she starts using tampons do emphasize frequent changes. I know a woman who developed Toxic Shock Syndrome as a teen.

[littlebug42]

Just FYI- Clorox 2 Free (white bottle) works the best at getting blood out of anything that I have ever seen.  We use reusable pads here and this works the best at getting them clean.  No stains.  It will even get blood out that has been washed and dried previously.  Awesome stuff. 

 

Everyone else has given all of the advice I would have on the pads.  On my heaviest days,  I have to use a tampon with a pad backup and my daughter does as well. She was not at all interested in trying a diva cup but will use a slender tampon.  She uses the reusable pads when we are at home and loves those but they aren't always the most convenient so we have some disposable ones as well.  I get the Always Infinity.  They are the most absorbent I have ever seen and do come in long sizes, with and without wings. 

[Haiku]

Wings never worked for me. They just carried the blood around the pad and got it on my pants.

 

There are several brands of Diva cup-like things. If one doesn't fit, you can always try another, if you're interested.

 

I got Toxic Shock when I was in college, so I never recommend tampons.

[Paige]

I would just have her wash her pants out in a sink with soap. There should be no ruining anything if it's just blood. Blood comes out. I had very irregular cycles when I started and there's really not much you can do to prevent some accidents. I'm assuming that she's changing her pads regularly and has access to plenty of them. If she's soaking through pads too quickly, a visit to the gyn might be a good idea to make sure there's no medical problem. 

[texasmama]

Haven't read all the replies, but if you spray clothing items immediately with Oxiclean, it will take the blood stain right out.  Also, buy some black undies.

[Tanaqui]

I found that cloth pads provide me with more coverage (and more comfort) than disposable ones. You can get super long cloth pads with wings and combine that with a tampon, menstrual sponge, or cup. I wouldn't really push a cup on a young girl who first got her period - they can be a little intimidating, because they look SO BIG, and the sizing can be trickier than you think. Divacups work well enough for most women, but many women have more comfort with other brands, if you DO go that route.

 

Is she going to the bathroom enough? When I was young and first started getting my period, I didn't realize that it helped - a lot - to go to the bathroom every hour or so just to wipe up. I thought I had to wait until I needed to pee! Kids can be weird sometimes :)

[kbutton]

This might be tmi--sorry, but I'm stumped. Her issues are in the back, during the day. Like, all the way up the back, about 3 inches below the waistband. I have no idea how to help her but I'm so glad she is homeschooled!

 

I'll reply with TMI (hope it helps, sorry if you read this and it's not helpful)...In addition to the positioning advice and the adding a pantyliner in front or back advice, it could be that she's having technical difficulty with wiping (pushing the mess up the back of herself), or difficulty pulling up all her clothing without a drip (esp. if her flow is on the heavy or more liquidy side).When I hit perimenopause last summer, it was like learning this all over again (but worse) as the length of my cycle, heaviness of flow, etc. all changed up again drastically and frequently. I've not been soaking things to the point that I need to see a doctor, but I have had such a steady, consistent flow during some of my cycles that getting clothes on and off/up and down was a seriously big hassle for at least two or three days of my cycle--I have seconds to get the job done, or I have a mess. I've read that liquidy and/or heavier flow can be an issue in the early stages of menstruation as much as it can be in the later perimenopausal stage.

[Starr]

Its like showering, they just don't want to be bothered by it all. Not only do you need the right product, it must be changed more often. Once she will change regularly a tampon and pad if needed should do the trick.

[Shellydon]

These are giant. http://www.amazon.com/Always-Extra-Heavy-Overnight-Flexi-Wings/dp/B002KAL6NI/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1419956494&sr=8-5&keywords=always+pads

 

 

These should work well

http://www.amazon.com/Always-Radiant-Infinity-Overnight-Scented/dp/B007785ASK/ref=sr_1_15?ie=UTF8&qid=1419956557&sr=8-15&keywords=always+pads

 

One thing that would probably help is to have very snug undies.  When the pad is held close to the body, there isn't enough space for blood to leak towards the back.

[Pronghorn]

I suggest you use cloth pads. My daughter had very little staining once she started those. They come in many bright colors and sizes and in non-staining fabric. My daughter finds them more comfortable than disposable pads. I think they hug the body better since they are less stiff. Therefore you get fewer overruns. I researched different brands and ended up using Homestead Emporium as my source. That company responded nicely to my emails about appropriate sizing for an eleven-year-old. The company is Canadian, though, so it takes quite a while to get them in the United States.

[ebrindam]

try partypantspads.com They are cute, work well, don't leak and should be fine for a young girl.

[kiana]

Dark pants and cheap bleachable panties. Also rinse them in cold water right away if leakage occurs.

 

I started using tampons right away and have never had an issue with them. I believe my mother had me use lube the first couple of times but I honestly don't remember. 

[MistiDelaney]

That was my experience for 40 years. My period meant blood all over the place no matter how often I changed. (I even managed to miss three stacked pads - front back and center- to make a mess of my underwear!)  I hand washed three or four pairs of panties and trouser per day until I stumbled across disposable underwear in my 40s.

 

It was the only solution I ever found.  I couldn't use tampons - even after children, they hurt! I think it may be that I was simply shaped wrong for pads. With wings, without wings, long, super thin super thick -- no matter what I managed to "miss" and stain my clothes several times every day and nothing helped.

 

Would I have been willing to sue the disposable panties as a preteen?  I don't know.  But they are effective.

 

 

Okay, I'm a long way from that time of my life and don't have any daughters, and I realize this suggestion may be off the wall, so feel free to take it FWIW, but -- Why not get her to wear disposable underwear (Depends, etc.) on her heaviest days, along with a pad?  Aren't those at least a little bit absorbent all over?  I know a teen would likely think old lady disposable underwear is awful, but . . . maybe not so awful as leaks and mess and ruined clothes?

 

[Guest]

Use two thin, long pads: one more toward the front, the two overlapping in the middle, and one all the way up the back. Also counsel her to sit up straighter rather than reclining on problematic days, and to go to the bathroom based on the clock rather than her bladder. Or she can try tampons.

 

That's what my dd does.  I was very irregular my first couple of years, being really heavy more often than not, so it was no surprise that she started the same way.  

 

Poor kid....last summer she went to church camp, and the day she started was the first day of camp. Thankfully, women from our church went as leaders, so she had several women to go to if she had an issue.  She had such heavy flow the first two days that the nurse called and dd asked to come home because she was embarrassed and feeling meh.  I was halfway there when my friend (who was there as a leader) called and said dd wanted to stay.  She promised she would watch dd to make sure she was eating well and would let her know asap if she saw an accident.  She had went to Walmart and gotten a variety of pads, and double up front and back was what ended up working.

 

I feel for her....at least she isnt dealing with it in the middle of a classroom.

[AK_Mom4]

DD13 was having similar problems at first.  She dislikes tampons and only uses them for swimming and sports activities.

 

After reading about them on WTM (Thanks!), I started getting her the Radiant Infinity pads.  It made a HUGE difference - they are very thin and seems to "fit" her better.  She uses the overnight ones at night and no leaks.