How do you socialize your kids?

[Bookaddict]

One of the most common objections I hear to homeschooling is the socialization part. How do the kids get socialized? We always assumed we would become involved in various homeschool groups, meet other homeschool families, etc. We have done this and have observed that I have yet to meet a well-socialized child from these groups.

 

I admit my kids are very outgoing and not all kids are like that. I am an extreme extrovert and can socialize in a new group on the spot no problem. I understand that is not the norm. However, even the older kids/teens seem to be socially awkward. Many of the kids don't leave the parents' side or look to the parent to respond for them to what my child has said. Or they don't know how to play with or talk with my children or other kids. 

 

A huge part of our homeschooling is the over-socializing in public and private schools with these odd little worlds with pecking orders and popular and unpopular, etc. We don't want that for our kids either. But we also don't want socially awkward kids.

 

I guess my concern is I wanted my kids to be well socialized and comfortable with new people, different people, situations,etc. I just wonder how "normal" they will be if all their friends aren't sociable too.  I know that the above description also exists in public and private schools too. What is your take? Do you see this in your homeschool groups too? Do you find it is more of a parental thing? Can we overcome any social awkwardness by simply teaching and encouraging regardless of what environment they are in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[AimeeM]

Well, remember that there are many "unsociable" children within brick and mortar school too (I know several myself). 

And sometimes children are homeschooled BECAUSE they do not socialize like other children.

Regardless, you've had the opposite experience from our experiences. Our experience is that the homeschooled children locally are more easily able to socialize without age confines. Our daughter is 13 and is comfortable socializing well with her 11 year old friend, and her older teenage friends, as well as very young children, and adults - and that's pretty typical for the crowds we frequent. At co-op all of the children played very well together. Of course there are children who do not socialize well, or easily, but that's likely their personality.

[EmilyGF]

My kids are odd. I'll start with that. But, I think they are odd in a good way.

 

I was talking with a professor the other day. He is no proponent of homeschooling, but said, "You can tell homeschooled kids. They always feel comfortable talking with adults."

 

I was stopped by a grandmother at a park. She asked, "Do you homeschool? I noticed your oldest (9) was playing with my grandson (3). Homeschooled kids feel comfortable with children of many ages."

 

My MIL (a teacher) noticed, "Your kids don't have any fear of older kids than them. I wonder why that is?"

 

My kids start large group games at the park. They ask kids off all ages to join in. They don't limit themselves to their own age group so they end up with 10-15 person freeze tag games.

 

So, I guess I'm saying that while my kids won't be popular, I don't really want them to be. I want them to be confident (they are), comfortable approaching people they want to (check), and alright being themselves.

 

[8filltheheart]

One of the most common objections I hear to homeschooling is the socialization part. How do the kids get socialized? We always assumed we would become involved in various homeschool groups, meet other homeschool families, etc. We have done this and have observed that I have yet to meet a well-socialized child from these groups.

 

I admit my kids are very outgoing and not all kids are like that. I am an extreme extrovert and can socialize in a new group on the spot no problem. I understand that is not the norm. However, even the older kids/teens seem to be socially awkward. Many of the kids don't leave the parents' side or look to the parent to respond for them to what my child has said. Or they don't know how to play with or talk with my children or other kids.

 

A huge part of our homeschooling is the over-socializing in public and private schools with these odd little worlds with pecking orders and popular and unpopular, etc. We don't want that for our kids either. But we also don't want socially awkward kids.

 

I guess my concern is I wanted my kids to be well socialized and comfortable with new people, different people, situations,etc. I just wonder how "normal" they will be if all their friends aren't sociable too. I know that the above description also exists in public and private schools too. What is your take? Do you see this in your homeschool groups too? Do you find it is more of a parental thing? Can we overcome any social awkwardness by simply teaching and encouraging regardless of what environment they are in.

I have never encountered the bolded in my 20+ yrs of homeschooling. The odd child? Yes. But all of the homeschool kids? No. Within my own family, I have 6 kids that are not at all socially awkward. I have one dd that is incredibly shy and does not like socializing in an unfamiliar group, and I have an Aspie who is not shy at all, but his behaviors are not socially normal, either.

 

FWIW, when we are around large groups of homeschoolers, they don't seem any different to me than any other large group of kids. Some are polite; some are rude; some are hyper; some are calm. Nothing distinguishes them as "homeschoolers" vs. "school outside of homers."

 

Maybe you should look for another group.

[Coco_Clark]

My kids socialize in a home school nature study group and at a home school co-op, but also with (public schooled) children we've known for years, the family of kids across the street, and at church.  My 6yo is also doing track and field this year, in a city-run program.  

 

I honestly haven't noticed a difference in social skills between public schooled and home schooled kids- other than that public schooled children will only "play" with those in their same grade or at least very close to.  The home schooled kids seem more apt to befriend someone younger or older.  My 6 yo's best friend is (a homeschooled) 9 year old, while other (public schooled) 9 yo's that used to play happily with him now snub him as a "little kid", even though their interests are still similar.  That same 6yo also happily plays with his 2yo brother and other toddlers.  

Maybe it's a lot different when they get older?  I have to admit my experience is limited to the under 9 set, other than the trio of homeschooled teens we know at church.  I suppose I could call them "awkward" in the fact that at 14, 16, and 16 the two olders both have part-time jobs, all three are studying in-depth for future vocations, and all tend to chat with the adults after service as much as with the other teenagers.  

 

 

[JoJosMom]

My view:  The whole issue is a bunch of hooey.  God makes us all and makes each of us an individual. Some are outgoing, and some are not.  Both are okey-dokey.  Now for my anecdotal evidence:  I am the world's MOST neurotic parent (or really close and DH is close behind.)  DD is probably the most repressed, helicoptered child in the history of helicopter parenting.  She has never met a stranger, loves everyone, and will talk the ear off of anyone who pauses within twenty feet of her.  She was born that way, because, believe me, our parenting in NO WAY contributed to it. I am sure that there are parents here who have the exact opposite situation.  So I guess my point is that you are going to parent the child(ren) God has given you.  And each one will be unique, whether they are homeschooling or not. 

 

(OP: I just re-read my post and I'm not sure that the tone will read right. I do not mean to suggest that your question is hooey. It is a genuine concern, for you and for many others. It's just that, from my perspective of having experienced both regular school and homeschool, that which we categorize as "socialization problems" exist in both settings.  It's just been exploited by anti-homeschooling types to criticize [unfairly, IMO] homeschooling.)

[Desert Strawberry]

I have found homeschooled kids to be exceptionally well-behaved, well-mannered, socially adept, and kind. I credit the constant parental coaching that they receive. We just have so many opportunities to guide them in social situations. 

How do I personally socialize my kids? By taking them out into the world where people are. I work very hard on table manners, restaurant manners, shopping manners, politeness, and personal interactions. I encourage them to ask questions, pay for things, order from a menu, etc. You need the bathroom? Go find a clerk to ask where it is. You want to know what that repair man is working on? Ask him. You want to buy a toy? Here's your allowance. 

 

How do my children socialize with peers? They join clubs, play sports, attend park days, visit friends, attend community events. Mainly with other homeschooled children, but also with the community at large. 

Most of my kids aren't what you might call "sociable". They are selective in their friendships. My oldest and youngest, especially, are not super friendly. They are private and don't go spreading it around to everyone. There's nothing wrong with that. Being homeschooled, having so much time to be just themselves, they don't have a need to fit into the crowd. They aren't afraid to be alone. To be on the outside. It's not a huge concern, and that's ok. 
 

[Bookaddict]

My view:  The whole issue is a bunch of hooey.  God makes us all and makes each of us an individual. Some are outgoing, and some are not.  Both are okey-dokey.  Now for my anecdotal evidence:  I am the world's MOST neurotic parent (or really close and DH is close behind.)  DD is probably the most repressed, helicoptered child in the history of helicopter parenting.  She has never met a stranger, loves everyone, and will talk the ear off of anyone who pauses within twenty feet of her.  She was born that way, because, believe me, our parenting in NO WAY contributed to it. I am sure that there are parents here who have the exact opposite situation.  So I guess my point is that you are going to parent the child(ren) God has given you.  And each one will be unique, whether they are homeschooling or not. 

 

(OP: I just re-read my post and I'm not sure that the tone will read right. I do not mean to suggest that your question is hooey. It is a genuine concern, for you and for many others. It's just that, from my perspective of having experienced both regular school and homeschool, that which we categorize as "socialization problems" exist in both settings.  It's just been exploited by anti-homeschooling types to criticize [unfairly, IMO] homeschooling.)

Ha! I completely understood your "hooey" term! Thanks. This all made a lot of sense.

[Bookaddict]

Hmmm...I do like what I am hearing. I have been really frustrated when my kids want to play at the park with a 7 or 8 year old and they totally ignore them because hey you are younger!

 

I also like that you all have mentioned that HS kids are able to talk easily with adults.

 

Thanks for all the advice. 

[Desert Strawberry]

One thing I will say is that I suspect my kids might be MORE comfortable with adults than with other kids. Kids are unpredictable. Adults are generally extremely positive with my children. My kids won't approach another child as easily as they will an adult, which is kind of unusual in our culture. 

 

In the end, I'm not worried because my kids aren't sad or lonely-I ask them regularly, and when they say yes, I find them an outlet. And I figure that they will only be children for a short time, and then they will be adults forever. My oldest interacts VERY well with younger children-he adores my three year old, and is mother's helper to my friend with three under 4. So I'm not worried that they don't relate as well to other kids because it just doesn't seem to be a problem for them.

 

For clarification, my kids do get on well with other kids. But they seem more comfortable approaching adults. So it's not that they are socially stunted with peers. I think a compounding factor is that they are best friends with each other. My older two and younger two would MUCH prefer to hang out with each other than with anyone else. When we separate them, they are fine. But they do prefer to be together when they can. 

[Tranquility7]

Huh. That is interesting. I have never observed that before. Our experience is much more like EmilyGF's.

 

FWIW, when we are around large groups of homeschoolers, they don't seem any different to me than any other large group of kids. Some are polite; some are rude; some are hyper; some are calm. Nothing distinguishes them as "homeschoolers" vs. "school outside of homers."

 

My kids socialize in a home school nature study group and at a home school co-op, but also with (public schooled) children we've known for years, the family of kids across the street, and at church.  My 6yo is also doing track and field this year, in a city-run program.  

 

I honestly haven't noticed a difference in social skills between public schooled and home schooled kids- other than that public schooled children will only "play" with those in their same grade or at least very close to.

 

I almost started a thread this morning about the difference that I *do* see between homeschooled and traditionally schooled kiddos, but I figured the thread might get messy and I'm not in the mood to deal with that, LOL. But since the issue has been brought up already, I have to admit that the more our DS8 and DD4 are in age-segregated groups (kids their age +/- 1-2 yrs), the worse their behavior and manners become. Nothing terrible, but just little obnoxious behaviors (mostly copycat stuff they see other kids doing), as well as increased general rudeness (much less eye contact with adults, dramatically less interest in (and therefore conversation with) others who are not their age, more general self-absorption). And we have noticed that these problems are greatly magnified if the group is made up of kids in traditional schools (whether public or private) (IOW, kids who are in age-segregated groups virtually all day during the week). I’m not intending to be critical of all kids in traditional schools, or their parents, I’m simply reporting the plain facts from our experience with an admittedly tiny sample size. We don’t want to completely drop out of anything age-segregated, but sometimes we are almost to that point!

 

So, how do we socialize our children? We keep age-segregated activities to a minimum, and we keep our kids in the "real world". We teach them manners (or at least try to, LOL!) and talk regularly about how to love others, and then we encourage them to know the names of all the adults and kids in their day-to-day life (the maillady, lots of retired neighbors, the day nurses who stay with an elderly friend, folks at our town's chess club that we attend periodically, repairpeople who come by, etc., and encourage them to converse with others (though they don't need much encouragement in that - our kids are generally friendly and sociable (and get compliments for being polite too, but I see TONS of room for improvement for us all in that area)). We typically involve them in our conversations with others, and rescue them if they get asked an awkward question (such as when a repairman recently asked DS if DD was a "pest", which thankfully is not something DS would even think, much less say, but he wasn't sure how to politely respond).

 

We seldom have "playdates" (unless it is with a wide age range and all are included), but we do go to kids choir and church and let them play with the kids there, as long as they first take some time to converse (or at least politely greet) some of the adults present (this latter requirement is a recent development in response to the issues I mentioned above).

 

[waa510]

For what it's worth, I've had the same experience as the OP at our local hs groups' park day. The only other homeschool kids who we've met who aren't/weren't socially awkward were very religious and quickly shunned us when they found out we weren't of their ilk. I used to use the local homeschool group as my kids' primary means of hanging with other kids until DH mentioned what you did... "Are the girls going to be OK if they get their social cues from weird kids?!"  :huh:  And, to be honest...they weren't the kind of kids I want my kids to become!!! They aren't what I've heard homeschool kids are!!! I think they may be, as a pp said, not a side effect of homeschooling but the reason why the family is homeschooling!! I truly wish we could find more typical, social kids in the homeschool universe here. It just means I'm stuck with people who don't understand a huge aspect of my life (public schooled kiddo moms)

 

Anyway, we socialize our kids with our neighborhood playground, neighborhood friends, gym child center when i'm not being lazy, Girl Scouts which meets every week between the 2 of them! and gymnastics, church events, RE every week at church. It might not sound like much...and it honestly isn't. My kids are introverts like me and don't need a ton of kid time to be able to talk to other kids without freaking out. I have noticed that my kids are great with adults, too.

 

Plus, we're all a little awkward, right?? I'm parenting with the expectation that my kids will leave me with wacky quirks...and that's OK.  :001_smile:

[ByGrace3]

I have not ever had an experience where all the homeschooled children were "unsocialized." By the very nature of them being around you they are being "socialized."

 

I have 3 children, one extremely shy introvert, one rather balanced, and one extreme extrovert. Same family, different personalities. The shy introvert spends the most amount of time each week with "peers of the same age" as she is a competitive gymnast. They spend a lot of time with people- ie socialization. We do classes and field trips with our homeschool group, my kids all play/are involved in sports, attend church regularly, have friends, and a large extended family. Not being socialized is not the teensiest of concerns of mine. And honestly, I have met socially awkward homeschoolers. I have met socially awkward public and private schoolers as well.

[Ellie]

I didn't make an effort to "socialize" my dc. :-)

 

We went to church Sundays and Wednesdays; when dc were older, they were involved in Missionettes, and children's musicals, and sometimes vacation Bible school. We would have done those things whether we had homeschooled or not.

 

Dds did Highland dance, 4-H, Camp Fire, and marching band, and soccer a couple of times. We might not have done those if we hadn't homeschooled, but although there is of course a certain amount of socializing that goes on in those activities, I didn't do them because of the socializing. I did them because the dc enjoyed them, and they were part of our curriculum.

[redsquirrel]

Well, to socialize your child means to ensure they understand the customs, norms, and ideologies of a group and it is a life long process.

 

So, my kids know not to go outside naked, they know underwear goes inside the pants, they know to say excuse me when they sneeze and to beg pardon when interrupting. They might not always do it, but they know they should. They know how to stand in line to pay for something and to raise their hands to ask a question in a group. They know to stand with hand on heart during the pledge and not to fidget when the National Anthem is played. They know to wait for the walk signal to cross at a busy corner, but they know in our town it is fine to cross against the signal if no traffic is coming. They wear bike helmets and seat belts and are shocked when they see people who don't. Those things are all a part of socialization.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socialization

 

When I look at the wiki page it seems to be the 'nurture' part of nature and nuture.

 

That is slightly different than mastering social skills. If someone is awkward socially, but is dressed and knows to go out the door and not the window..well... that person is socially awkward, but not unsocialized. A person who is well socialized might not be outgoing and might have a blank affect or not make eye contact. Someone might be perfectly well socialized yet suffer from social anxiety or just be shy or self conscious.

 

And the public schools are FILLED with kids who are awkward and can't talk to adults and don't have manners. It doesn't mean they aren't socialized.

 

Now, yes, groups have their own stages of socialization. So, for instance, my sons attend a ballet school. Part of the first year of class is to teach them the rules and customs of the dance and the school itself. The group settles into itself, learns how to function as a group. In that group, some will be more at ease socially than others. Some will be more willing to obey a teacher than others. But generally they have all been socialized to function in the culture in which the group exists. Sometimes there is someone who is truly an outsider, like we might get a student whose family has come from China or Korea, those students bring with them different rules and it can be interesting to see them learn and adjust.

[Farrar]

FWIW, when we are around large groups of homeschoolers, they don't seem any different to me than any other large group of kids. Some are polite; some are rude; some are hyper; some are calm. Nothing distinguishes them as "homeschoolers" vs. "school outside of homers."

 

:iagree:  This has also been my experience. Different groups may have a different personality, but overall, I find that homeschooled kids are mostly like schooled kids. I've known groups of both. They're both a mix. But when a schooled child is "weird" or "awkward" it's just seen as part of their personality. When it's a homeschooled kid, somehow homeschooling gets the blame.  :glare:

 

Seconding that if there is a greater number of socially awkward kids in homeschooling that most of the reason is probably that kids who are square pegs or who have various issues are more likely to end up homeschooled, so homeschooling is simply not the cause.

 

I have found that many homeschooled kids don't know how to do things that kids in school routinely do, such as line up or write their name at the top of their paper. I've once or twice seen them judged really harshly for that and seen that universalized to become "homeschooled kids are behind/awkward" but I find that a little silly.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Do you mean you want your kids to be socially outgoing or....?  I don't really know what you mean.

 

I'm not socially awkward.  I have no trouble talking to anyone.  But I am not what one would call socially outgoing.  I'm not extroverted either.  All those years of public school did not change that about me.

 

Neither of my kids are socially awkward.  I haven't done anything in particular.  We just live our lives I guess.

 

I've met all sorts of homeschooled kids with a variety of personality types. 

 

Regarding the comment about kids refusing to play with kids who aren't their same age, I have mostly encountered that with public schooled kids, but I think that is a result of them being used to being separated and segregated by age.  A lot of schools even require kids from the same grade and class to sit together at lunch. 

[JoJosMom]

Do you mean you want your kids to be socially outgoing or....?  I don't really know what you mean.

 

I'm not socially awkward.  I have no trouble talking to anyone.  But I am not what one would call socially outgoing.  I'm not extroverted either.  All those years of public school did not change that about me.

 

Neither of my kids are socially awkward.  I haven't done anything in particular.  We just live our lives I guess.

 

I've met all sorts of homeschooled kids with a variety of personality types. 

 

Regarding the comment about kids refusing to play with kids who aren't their same age, I have mostly encountered that with public schooled kids, but I think that is a result of them being used to being separated and segregated by age.  A lot of schools even require kids from the same grade and class to sit together at lunch. 

 

OT:  You got your name back!  Congratulations!

[Lori D.]

One of the most common objections I hear to homeschooling is the socialization part. How do the kids get socialized? ...

 

… I guess my concern is I wanted my kids to be well socialized and comfortable with new people, different people, situations,etc. ...

 

Lots of people inadvertently mix the definitions of "socialize" and "socialization", so when asked this question, my first response is to make sure I know what they are really asking:

 

socialize

1) to mix socially with others

2) to make (someone) behave in a way that is acceptable to their society

 

socialization

the process by which children and adults learn from others; learning the customs, attitudes and values of a group, community or culture

 

Once I know which they mean, then I can respond:

 

If definition #1 of socialize

Then participation in a wide variety of social opportunities available in your local community can fill that need:

- church (weekly group worship and faith activities, children's religious classes, youth group, etc.)

- sports (YMCA, NYO, club sports, Little League/Bobby Sox, local high school sports team)

- homeschool group (co-op, PE, field trips, youth activities, Student Council)

- community (Parks & Rec classes, neighborhood community pool membership, volunteering, library events, children's theater / music / arts group)

- friends (play dates, get togethers with friends, sleep overs)

- academics (after school clubs, co-op classes, online classes, dual enrollment)

 

If definition #2 of socialize

Then we're talking parenting and child-rearing methods and resources. Also, I would say some of that comes through more formal schooling -- books and resources esp. in the preschool, kinder, and early elementary grades social studies about civics, neighborhood jobs, and community topics, etc.

 

If the definition of socialization

Then involvement in neighborhood, church, volunteering, etc. in which groups of people of all ages come together and are doing cultural, patriotic, or communal things is what allows for opportunities for learning be "caught not taught". Things like Memorial Day / Independence Day activities, neighborhood or block parties, local cultural events (music or food festivals, community concerts in the park, historical recreation events, etc.).

 

 

… I have yet to meet a well-socialized child from these [homeschool] groups...

 

… even the older kids/teens seem to be socially awkward. Many of the kids don't leave the parents' side or look to the parent to respond for them to what my child has said. Or they don't know how to play with or talk with my children or other kids...

 

… What is your take? Do you see this in your homeschool groups too? Do you find it is more of a parental thing? Can we overcome any social awkwardness by simply teaching and encouraging regardless of what environment they are in...

 

Sounds like you are most asking about definition #1 of socializing, so I'll respond to that. :)

 

Our homeschool socializing was much more like what previous posters have expressed -- a wide mix. Also, all through the years, we made an effort to be involved in many different types of social groups (at least one thing from each of the categories of the things I listed in answer to definition #1 of socialize). Being with those students and families was also a wide mix.

 

I guess my goal and focus was more on providing a variety of opportunities to try out new interests and meet new people, make friends, and have the opportunity to talk to and "rub elbows" with people from many different ages and cultures -- and not worry so much about whether or not my children were meeting some sort of unspoken socializing standard.

 

Guess I'm just a social rebel. ;) BEST of luck in finding what best meets your family's socializing needs! Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Slache]

One thing I will say is that I suspect my kids might be MORE comfortable with adults than with other kids. Kids are unpredictable. Adults are generally extremely positive with my children. My kids won't approach another child as easily as they will an adult, which is kind of unusual in our culture. 

We have that here too, but it doesn't concern me.

 

 

 

OP, I don't think being in that group is a bad thing. They are your kids and that's just one experience. They have so much more than that.

[RootAnn]

I didn't see the age mentioned for OP's kids. I wonder if OP's kids are pretty young.

 

Many of my kids, when young, are clingers and shy. However, all of the clingers, upon reaching a certain age (which has differed depending on the child), started branching out and became less Mom-centered. If you didn't know my dd#1 or dd#2 when they were younger, you wouldn't guess they were ever the type to hide behind me in public. Even my youngest has branched out recently and only hangs out on my lap when he is tired or not feeling well.

 

Some younger homeschooling kids we've been around have also been skirt-clingers. I anticipate that most will expand their horizons as they get older & feel more comfortable with the people around them. 

 

To answer the OP -- I don't socialize my kids. I let them hang out with people of all ages, provide coaching as necessary - usually with their adult interactions, and attempt to keep their noise down to a dull roar when they are with their friends.

[FloridaLisa]

My experience is polar opposite of yours. 

 

In fact, a few years into our homeschooling journey, meeting and observing older homeschooled students was one of the things that convinced me to homeschool all the way through high school.  I know some great kids that went to brick and mortar school. But I also know reams of great homeschooled young adults (as in considerate, bright, interesting, making a difference in their spheres, able to have relationships with all kinds of different folks).  The kind of people you'd love to have over to dinner and sit long over a meal because they look you in the eye, contribute to great conversation about a wide range of topics and can still play with the toddler. ;) 

 

Lisa

[Farrar]

I'm always hesitant to generalize, but I if we're talking about really young kids, IME, younger homeschooled kids do tend to be attached at the hip a little longer than schooled kids. But it changes. When my kids were five, we knew a lot of kids who really didn't like to be separated from their parents, which is a bit in contrast to schooled kids who get a lot of practice by heading off to kindy every day. A lot of kids we knew took several visits with us to warm up. But now that mine are ten, they can't wait to get rid of us half the time and ditto to their peers. Most of the homeschool families I know just weren't going to push that particular issue and didn't find it necessary. And never fear, they all gained their independence just fine by age seven or eight without any lasting effects.

[Dory]

A lot of people will be homeschooling their kids because their kids don't fit in the mainstream. My kids go to church, are involved in sports, Awana, archery classes, gymnastic classes, swimming lessons, science clubs, 4H, and we get together with other kids and have kids over for weekends, regularly. My oldest struggles socially, he always has. He used to get beat up because of his verbal problems. A few months after I pulled him home I had someone comment on how much more confident he was talking to people. He will never be really great at social skills, but he is figuring out how to work with it. My dd is super confident in social settings. She can introduce herself and carry on a polite conversation with just about anyone. My youngest is super confident, but is very impulsive and lacks a filter on what he says yet. He is like the child who lacks social skills on the opposite side of spectrum of the shy kid.

 

Three kids three different personalities. I was also homeschooled as were my younger three siblings. My older three siblings went to the public school. My oldest brother and my two youngest brothers are much like my youngest son with their social skills. I am a lot like my just older brother. Where a kid goes to school doesn't determine whether they will have good social skills or not. a LARGE part of that is personality, a slightly smaller part is parental involvement and encouragement (as well as lots of pointing out things and teaching for kids like my oldest who need someone to talk about the little details that everyone else just picks up on) and a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny part of that is school atmosphere.

[Desert Strawberry]

My experience is polar opposite of yours. 

 

In fact, a few years into our homeschooling journey, meeting and observing older homeschooled students was one of the things that convinced me to homeschool all the way through high school.  I know some great kids that went to brick and mortar school. But I also know reams of great homeschooled young adults (as in considerate, bright, interesting, making a difference in their spheres, able to have relationships with all kinds of different folks).  The kind of people you'd love to have over to dinner and sit long over a meal because they look you in the eye, contribute to great conversation about a wide range of topics and can still play with the toddler. ;)

 

Lisa

I agree with this. I was marvelling recently how much I like the young women my friends are raising. They are interesting, intelligent, well-spoken, kind and passionate, as well as mature and self-possessed. The boys, too, but I know more young women than men.

 

My experience with teens when my oldest was a tot was the same. When I met a family with three teens who were quite impressive, I thought it was a fluke. But then I met another family with a 14 year old girl who was so sweet and not at all snotty or catty. I thought, "If this is what you get from homeschooling, I'm in." As our kids have grown, I've seen more of the same, including my own son. 

[Bookaddict]

You've yet to meet a well-socialised homeschool kid ?

 

You need to get out more :)

 

This is the kind of question I expect from people who know nothing about homeschooling, not on a homeschool board.

I will say that we have recently moved to our current city since only May. SO yes we do need to keep on trying to meet people and even more homeschoolers. It could also be that I have simply not been in the homeschool world long enough as admittedly my kids are young -kinder and prek. 

 

I think this really came up because the school district we live in is really good and nearly everyone we meet says "homeschooling when you live in ***?? They have such great schools!" We are still researching what that means exactly and if they mean new and state of the art then yes that appears to be the case. We just thought maybe we should enroll the kids in the younger grades and then pull them out. But this thread has definitely given us a good direction that our thus far limited experiences are not always the case.

 

DH and I also waaaaay overthink this (can you tell?) stuff because we both came from drastically different educations and both failed spectacularly so we don't want to repeat what we went through. For reference, I was homeschooled since 5th grade  (this was 20 years ago) and my husband went to a very expensive private school. My parents' goal was to shelter us from the "world" and its ways so we were not involved in anything at all except once where we joined a local homeschool group at our parish and I didn't want to be friends with or hang out with those kids because they were completely rebellious and hated homeschooling and life so I voluntarily said no more. And of those 15 kids, I was the only one that went on graduate high school, college and didn't get pregnant right at 18.  For a long time, I never wanted to homeschool my future kids because of this personal experience. However, I grew up and realized that it was not homeschooling that yielded these experiences, it was my parents' methods or lack there of (I won't even get started on the non-academic philosophy they had).

 

My husband went to a very expensive and fancy private school but his parents did nothing to teach social skills or how to be sociable and those were things he did NOT pick up in school because it was already hard for him as a shy introvert to simply be around all those other students. His parents simply assumed that school would do it all, teach right from wrong, teach to read, and teach social skills and confidence. 

 

So we had opposite experiences that really impacted us into adulthood and we want to avoid that for our kids. It is totally possible that we had extreme experiences and hence the overthinking.  To be honest, after reading this thread, I think we are overthinking this. It seems like if you are trying to just teach your children skills as a parent and function in society and give different opportunities (but not overboard just as they happen) then everything will be fine.

[8filltheheart]

I think this really came up because the school district we live in is really good and nearly everyone we meet says "homeschooling when you live in ***??

 

:lol: Not to make light of the situation, but we move a lot and we have heard that EVERY place we have lived.   When we moved here, when talking to a neighbor of a prospective house we were considering, he said to me matter-of-factly, "So, I guess you won't be homeschooling after you move in since we have some of the best schools in the state."  Ummm.....yeah.  I don't think so.   Our homeschool offers far superior course selections than school district x,y, or z.   ;)

[LindaOz]

I haven't read all the replies so I'm sorry if I double up. We 'socialize' our kids by just making them part of our lives and allowing them to be part of our social situations - which involves just being part of our society. Four of my kids are teenagers and they socialize easily with a wide group of ages. We have never gone out of our way to do super duper extra-hyped up activities to try to make sure they are socialized, but we do things as a family with (mostly) other families, and it has been successful. It really has been a non-issue.

[Aelwydd]

Ds gets most of his socializing through his athletic activities and through art class. However, it seems the older he gets, the more difficult it's become to meet more kids. So much in this area is really based around school activities and clubs and sports.

[Garga]

Aw man! I had Thing to Say, but by the time I got to the bottom of the thread they'd already been said.

 

I was going to say, "Were the kids you were meeting very young?" Because I couldn't imagine an entire co-op of 5-15 year olds standing silently by their mothers' sides, mute. But I *could* imagine a class of 4-5 year olds doing so especially if it was the first meeting.

 

And then I was going to wonder about your own experiences growing up. The OP painted such broad strokes about unsocialized homeschoolers that was so against what most homeschoolers experienced that it seemed colored by something. It just didn't feel like an accurate assessment of how homeschooled kids behave. It turns out that the OP was homeschooled with the actual goal of not properly socializing her and her DH was left to drift on his own. So, I do think your view of homeschoolers and their socialization might be fueled a bit by what you want to see and not what's actually there. Take a good hard objective look at the older kids at the next co-op.

 

OP, take heart! You will most certainly not be recreating your homeschool or your dh's private school environment. You can do things entirely differently and you'll get different results. Don't forget, though, that if you and your dh have lacking social skills, your kids may pick up on them from you. My parents have terrible social skills and even though I went to public school, I was still socially awkward because I acted like my parents. It wasn't until my late 20's that I figured out how to behave around people, once I left home. My parents didn't do anything deliberately--they're just shy awkward people who found each other to love and couldn't pass on what they didn't have.

[SevenDaisies]

:lol: Not to make light of the situation, but we move a lot and we have heard that EVERY place we have lived. When we moved here, when talking to a neighbor of a prospective house we were considering, he said to me matter-of-factly, "So, I guess you won't be homeschooling after you move in since we have some of the best schools in the state." Ummm.....yeah. I don't think so. Our homeschool offers far superior course selections than school district x,y, or z. ;)

We are getting rezoned from one of the lower performing schools in my district to the very best. Every person I have discussed this with has asked if we will send our kids to school now. I politely explain that we are just too accustomed to having our own schedule to send them to school.

[sassenach]

Read your last post and I think it's totally understandable as to why you feel that way.

 

IME, homeschool social life mirrors much of public school life, except for one very important difference. First, the similarities- our group has more popular kids and less popular kids. It has cliques, but they are less fierce than the ps ones I've observed. There are awkward kids. I think there maybe more than ps because so many socially struggling kids get pulled from ps because they're drowning. I am absolutely convinced that social intelligence can only negligibly be taught. For the most part, the awkward kids are going to be that way no matter where they are. Our group has had it's share of drama. Kids have felt left out. Names have been called. Kids have had crushes on each other. The normal childhood sins abound!

 

Here is the difference. Our kids don't have to live in that identity day in and day out. The kiddie drama doesn't become a way of life. Engaged parents get the chance to touch base, have conversations, and lead there kids to repentance and forgiveness. The drama doesn't get to fester and become a ruling factor in their relationships.

 

I am grateful that my kids don't have to sit under the daily weight of the identity given to them by their peers. I'm even more grateful that they aren't being formed into people who cast identities onto other kids and perpetuate that nasty cycle.

[Bookaddict]

Aw man! I had Thing to Say, but by the time I got to the bottom of the thread they'd already been said.

 

I was going to say, "Were the kids you were meeting very young?" Because I couldn't imagine an entire co-op of 5-15 year olds standing silently by their mothers' sides, mute. But I *could* imagine a class of 4-5 year olds doing so especially if it was the first meeting.

 

And then I was going to wonder about your own experiences growing up. The OP painted such broad strokes about unsocialized homeschoolers that was so against what most homeschoolers experienced that it seemed colored by something. It just didn't feel like an accurate assessment of how homeschooled kids behave. It turns out that the OP was homeschooled with the actual goal of not properly socializing her and her DH was left to drift on his own. So, I do think your view of homeschoolers and their socialization might be fueled a bit by what you want to see and not what's actually there. Take a good hard objective look at the older kids at the next co-op.

 

OP, take heart! You will most certainly not be recreating your homeschool or your dh's private school environment. You can do things entirely differently and you'll get different results. Don't forget, though, that if you and your dh have lacking social skills, your kids may pick up on them from you. My parents have terrible social skills and even though I went to public school, I was still socially awkward because I acted like my parents. It wasn't until my late 20's that I figured out how to behave around people, once I left home. My parents didn't do anything deliberately--they're just shy awkward people who found each other to love and couldn't pass on what they didn't have.

Thanks for this, it is very sweet! We are slowly realizing that what we experienced does NOT mean we are doomed to recreate it. As for my kids picking up on parents' being socially awkward-yes that happens.

 

However, despite my upbringing-I am very sociable, outgoing and an extrovert. Most people actually will tell me that they thought homeschooled adults were weird but that they never would have guessed I was homeschooled. I feel very blessed that God gave me the right personality combined with determination to really come out fine and more than fine. 

 

I also probably have the opposite problem in that I am shocked to find people are not as extroverted as I am or outgoing. My DH must remind me, it does not mean they are odd just different. So it is all a learning process!

 

While DH does have social awkwardness but actually does not show it to others hardly at all. PP mentioned where her son has to be told the nuances of socializing. That is my DH. He has to think and try to act at ease in social situations but he does it well. And we have worked on his socializing a lot just by my "teaching or showing" him.  We also work with our kids on manners, speaking with adults, interacting, etc. Just like many persons above mentioned.

 

Thanks for the encouragement again!

[lots of little ducklings]

I will say that we have recently moved to our current city since only May. SO yes we do need to keep on trying to meet people and even more homeschoolers. It could also be that I have simply not been in the homeschool world long enough as admittedly my kids are young -kinder and prek. 

 

I think this really came up because the school district we live in is really good and nearly everyone we meet says "homeschooling when you live in ***?? They have such great schools!" We are still researching what that means exactly and if they mean new and state of the art then yes that appears to be the case. We just thought maybe we should enroll the kids in the younger grades and then pull them out. But this thread has definitely given us a good direction that our thus far limited experiences are not always the case.

 

DH and I also waaaaay overthink this (can you tell?) stuff because we both came from drastically different educations and both failed spectacularly so we don't want to repeat what we went through. For reference, I was homeschooled since 5th grade  (this was 20 years ago) and my husband went to a very expensive private school. My parents' goal was to shelter us from the "world" and its ways so we were not involved in anything at all except once where we joined a local homeschool group at our parish and I didn't want to be friends with or hang out with those kids because they were completely rebellious and hated homeschooling and life so I voluntarily said no more. And of those 15 kids, I was the only one that went on graduate high school, college and didn't get pregnant right at 18.  For a long time, I never wanted to homeschool my future kids because of this personal experience. However, I grew up and realized that it was not homeschooling that yielded these experiences, it was my parents' methods or lack there of (I won't even get started on the non-academic philosophy they had).

 

My husband went to a very expensive and fancy private school but his parents did nothing to teach social skills or how to be sociable and those were things he did NOT pick up in school because it was already hard for him as a shy introvert to simply be around all those other students. His parents simply assumed that school would do it all, teach right from wrong, teach to read, and teach social skills and confidence. 

 

So we had opposite experiences that really impacted us into adulthood and we want to avoid that for our kids. It is totally possible that we had extreme experiences and hence the overthinking.  To be honest, after reading this thread, I think we are overthinking this. It seems like if you are trying to just teach your children skills as a parent and function in society and give different opportunities (but not overboard just as they happen) then everything will be fine.

 

 

OP - given your own experience, I can totally understand your concern.  But along with other PPs, I've really seen and experienced the opposite.  Certainly children among homeschoolers aren't homogenous -- they have a variety of personality traits just like those in b+m schools.  But in most cases (and admittedly this is anecdotal), the hs students I know are far more confident socially, have excellent social skills across all age groups, and demonstrate greater maturity in group settings and in decision-making. 

 

And I think your statement above, bolded, is the primary reason for this.  Often parents of b+m students have a school-centered approach to education, including social education; they assume the child will learn these skills though school (in fact, some believe they can't learn them any other way), and they fail to recognize the primary importance of the family unit at home.  But social skills are best learned, I believe, within the context of a healthy family environment at home.  Not that children in b+m schools can't succeed; but just that those who do succeed socially are often successful primarily because of their healthy family structure at home, not because they are exposed to 250 same-aged peers for 8+ hours a day at school.  

 

(And I should note that, by "succeed," I mean a confident mastery of social skills and a healthy, virtuous understanding and appreciation of others, as well as of their own place in the community around them; I do not mean being successfully extroverted (the world needs introverts! check out this for a great read on the topic), and I definitely do not mean successfully scrambling to the top of the popularity ladder :001_smile: )

 

Soooo…. perhaps you are "over thinking" as you say, but I think you are actually doing a fabulous job processing all this.  It's important stuff to consider!  :thumbup1:

[Bookaddict]

Read your last post and I think it's totally understandable as to why you feel that way.

 

IME, homeschool social life mirrors much of public school life, except for one very important difference. First, the similarities- our group has more popular kids and less popular kids. It has cliques, but they are less fierce than the ps ones I've observed. There are awkward kids. I think there maybe more than ps because so many socially struggling kids get pulled from ps because they're drowning. I am absolutely convinced that social intelligence can only negligibly be taught. For the most part, the awkward kids are going to be that way no matter where they are. Our group has had it's share of drama. Kids have felt left out. Names have been called. Kids have had crushes on each other. The normal childhood sins abound!

 

Here is the difference. Our kids don't have to live in that identity day in and day out. The kiddie drama doesn't become a way of life. Engaged parents get the chance to touch base, have conversations, and lead there kids to repentance and forgiveness. The drama doesn't get to fester and become a ruling factor in their relationships.

 

I am grateful that my kids don't have to sit under the daily weight of the identity given to them by their peers. I'm even more grateful that they aren't being formed into people who cast identities onto other kids and perpetuate that nasty cycle.

Yes! That is exactly why we wanted to homeschool!!!! You phrased this perfectly.

We do not agree with all the false social bubbles that PS creates. 

And we also saw that the social bubble first hand with "popular" kids too. My sister in-law was queen of her school and then school ended and she went to a huge college and no one cared who she was anymore. It was really hard for her to adjust and in some ways she is still adjusting as an adult. 

[coralloyd]

I was homeschooled, and now I hs my children. I have met plenty of awkward hsers and plenty of "normal" hsers  (whatever that means) through the years. The ones that were/are awkward have awkward parents. The ones that were/are "normal" have "normal" parents.

 

Now, if you want your kids to be more outgoing that is another thing. I think there are things you can do. My children know that I expect them to step outside their box. Because that is what we do as a family. As an example, just this last park day I told my girls that there would be many new families. I expected them to go up and introduce themselves to kids they did not know. My girls came up with the idea of making signs inviting others to come and build sand castles; as well as going up to kids and asking them to join. I have pushed my kids to do things that they were not comfortable doing at first. My oldest wanted to sell some jewelry. She wanted me to be right there and help her talk to the grownups. I said no. This was her thing. I talk about the best way to say things. And told her she must be bold. There was nothing to fear. Work through the fear, and just do it. She was shy at first, but as time went on she started to ease into it. Now, when she sells things or talks to adults she is completely at ease. I have had to do similar things with my other two. Being shy because of fear of failure or fear of others is not ok for my kids. JMO.

[rocassie]

In our homeschool group, I do feel like the teenagers are more awkward (than the general public of teenagers appear to be) but I attribute it more to being teenagers but not being submerged in the "herd" mentality trying to fit in.  They are polite, thoughtful, seem comfortable with varying age groups, and do not hide their passion for a given subject or activity.  I personally do not think being socially awkward is a negative thing (I was once myself and I went to school), as I have found the most interesting people (that I know) to have been socially awkward once upon a time.

[phathui5]

 

 

 I have yet to meet a well-socialized child from these groups.

 

What are you looking for in these kids that you're not finding? What does well-socialized mean to you?

[HS Mom in NC]

(It's not quoting the OP the usual way for some reason I don't understand.)

 

 

I feel very blessed that God gave me the right personality combined with determination to really come out fine and more than fine. 

I don't understand this statement.  Could you please clarify what you mean by right personality and in what context you mean it? Are you suggesting that people in the same context with different personalities are doing it wrong if they're doing it differently? Is there only one right way in your point of view?

 

I also probably have the opposite problem in that I am shocked to find people are not as extroverted as I am or outgoing.

So you don't have enough background in different personality types to have a grasp of what's going on with other people around you and why they think and act the way they do. This can be remedied by listening to your spouse more and taking what he says seriously.  You can also read up on this well covered topic online and with books.

 

 

[Mom22ns]

This thread was a lot of fun for me to read. We have met a lot of homeschoolers with very poor social skills. In fact, for years at dd's gym, I could pick out the home schoolers just by watching behavior. 

 

The things that I see that seem negative are mostly with young children. Homeschoolers tend to stay young longer. That isn't all bad. They also don't care so much about the opinions of others. That means they don't always fit cultural expectations. My dd has always refused to hang out with other homeschoolers because of this "uncoolness". As an adult, I don't think any of these things are bad.

 

On the other hand, I see what others in this thread have said with older homeschoolers. They interact with adults so much more naturally than those who have been age segregated all their lives. The difference was pointed out to us recently when someone compared dd to her best friend. BF is a year older, a sweet girl, gifted intelligence, in the IB program, but the statement made was that BF behaves like a teenager, dd behaves like an adult. I find that typical of older homeschooled teens. Very mature, responsible, and able to interact. Of course their individual personalities, introverted v extrovertedness, are all individual and homeschooling has little impact on them.

[Renny30]

I am homeschooling an only. He's 8 and loves other children. My only other child is 22, so there's no one at home. His closest cousin is 5 hours away and I don't think there's a single child over 3 on my entire street.  I have him enrolled in a homeschool collective. It's mostly used by working parents.. I telework full-time, so three days a week I take him to the collective where he spends the day with 13 other children from 1st to 5th grades. In the morning he has tutoring in math and works on science projects. They have devotion and Bible lessons. After lunch they have specials - music, P.E., chess lessons and bowling. Robotics are coming soon. They go on a field trip every other week. I help transport to P.E. and bowling and go on all field trips which has helped me to meet the kids and some of the moms and other homeschoolers in our community. It's run by his former 1st grade teacher. I love it. $30 a day and he's happy making friends and I can work uninterrupted. We school when he gets home on those days. 

[wintermom]

However, despite my upbringing-I am very sociable, outgoing and an extrovert. Most people actually will tell me that they thought homeschooled adults were weird but that they never would have guessed I was homeschooled. I feel very blessed that God gave me the right personality combined with determination to really come out fine and more than fine. 

 

I also probably have the opposite problem in that I am shocked to find people are not as extroverted as I am or outgoing. My DH must remind me, it does not mean they are odd just different. So it is all a learning process!

 

 

Being an extrovert or an introvert is largely a personality trait that people are born with, while being social can be very specific to situations, people, our mood/health, etc. I have two very outgoing children and two more quiet ones when they are out in public, though at home they are all talkative and loud. All have been homeschooled (ages 8 - 14). I'm not shocked at all that they have differences, and there is no way I'm going to able (even if I tried) to force my quiet dd to become something she just isn't. She is 14 now, confident in her abilities, willing to try new things, works well with others, listens to instructors, polite and kind. She probably wouldn't ever come up to your children, whether she knew them or not, and offer to take them off to play. My two ds probably would, though, because they both love leading others and organizing people, games and such. 

 

I guess you might think I've failed with my dd and succeeded with my ds's according to your expectations, but then again I probably would fail in your expectations, too. I'm pleasant, polite, can work well with others, and have succeeded in a lot of areas, BUT I'm not an extrovert. I'm never going to be one, and I'm totally fine with that. What are you going to do if one of your children is an introvert? Will you blame it on homeschooling, your parenting? I think it might be a good idea to relax and accept that people are different, and thankfully so. If everyone was an extrovert there would be no one to listen to what y'all are saying. ;)

[Peaceful Isle]

My kids get their socialization from church and church activites mostly. They also take part in some activites from a local private school here. Because we are in ministry (my dh is a pastor) we know many other pastor's families via fellowships, conferences etc.. Many have children my kids can play with and we can have over for play times.

My kids really need and desire friendships. I can tell when they are lacking. Me, on the other hand, would love to be a hermit. :)

[Bookaddict]

Let me clear up a few things here that are being misinterpreted or over analyzed. My OP was simply wanting to know veteran homeschoolers' take on how they give their kids opportunities to socialize. Most of the responders here understood that and so I thank you!

 

I don't think introverts are bad or extroverts are good. They are just different. I understand that. I love both types! I don't think that there is a right or wrong personality type. I consider myself very blessed to be a healthy functioning adult given that  I came from a very difficult and unhealthy upbringing which admittedly has made me overthink raising my kids. I only wanted opinions on what peoples' experiences have been with homeschooling.

[Bookaddict]

My kids get their socialization from church and church activites mostly. They also take part in some activites from a local private school here. Because we are in ministry (my dh is a pastor) we know many other pastor's families via fellowships, conferences etc.. Many have children my kids can play with and we can have over for play times. 

My kids really need and desire friendships. I can tell when thay are lacking. Me, on the other hand, would love to be a hermit. :)

You and your kids sound like me and my husband. He would love to be a home hermit and I love getting out everyday!

[Mom22ns]

I only wanted opinions on what peoples' experiences have been with homeschooling.

 

My experience is, we make no effort to socialize with other homeschoolers. In fact dd avoids it.

 

We found opportunities to socialize around activities of interest such as gymnastics for dd and gaming for ds. Church has been a significant source of social opportunities once my children reached the youth department. For them, that was 6th grade. We were in a church with a very active youth group. There are Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night activities, a major event each month and often a small event, volunteer opportunity, get together of some type at least one other time/week. Instead of not having social opportunities, learning to pick and choose which are worth the time and effort became the most important skill.

 

Right now dd has 3 very close friends, one she met at a camp for disabled kids she volunteered at the last two summers (the friend was also a volunteer), one she met at church, and she met at gymnastics. Ds's 3 best friends are all from  church. Both kids have a 3 year span in the age ranges of their friends. I think this would have been less likely in ps.

[wintermom]

Things we've done to help our children gain opportunities in small group and large group settings are:

 

- single and multiple family play visits

- small group academic classes (Latin, writing)

- large (15 - 30 children) academic classes (science, history, drama, art)

- small group physical activity classes (up to 12 children)

- large group physical activity classes

- group music classes (varying sizes from 3 - 40)

- choir (varying sizes from 10 - 30)

- church group activities (altar serving with a group from 3 - 6 people, youth group, church choir social activities)

 

Most of the activities our children participate in are with children of various ages, and sometimes adults participating (e.g., Taekwon-Do family training). They have never participated in age-segregated sports, so they have had lots of opportunties to learn to chat with, make music with, play sports with and learn together with children and adults of all ages and in various sizes of groups.

 

Feedback I've received from teachers/instructors of these classes regarding my children's behaviour is:

 

- they listen well to instruction

- they cooperate well with other participants

- they try their best without being over-competitive

- they are positive towards others

- they don't distract other children in the groups

- they make new friends

- they are polite and answer questions

 

Things my children DON'T do are:

- care about wearing clothing with specific designer labels

- care about matching socks

- care about hair styles

- care if the games and activities they like are approved or disapproved of by their friends

- hide the fact that they do well in math, but their writing might be messy.

- hide the fact that they are interested in things that their friends are not (e.g., playing violin and singing in church)

 

I feel kind of jealous of my children. I wish that when I was growing up I could have had more opportunities to just be myself and enjoy things without worrying about what other people thought. Or worry about who was my "best friend" this week and who won't talk to me anymore. It's taken me a much longer time to reach the point of being comfortable with who I am. 

[Bookaddict]

Things we've done to help our children gain opportunities in small group and large group settings are:

 

- single and multiple family play visits

- small group academic classes (Latin, writing)

- large (15 - 30 children) academic classes (science, history, drama, art)

- small group physical activity classes (up to 12 children)

- large group physical activity classes

- group music classes (varying sizes from 3 - 40)

- choir (varying sizes from 10 - 30)

- church group activities (altar serving with a group from 3 - 6 people, youth group, church choir social activities)

 

Most of the activities our children participate in are with children of various ages, and sometimes adults participating (e.g., Taekwon-Do family training). They have never participated in age-segregated sports, so they have had lots of opportunties to learn to chat with, make music with, play sports with and learn together with children and adults of all ages and in various sizes of groups.

 

Feedback I've received from teachers/instructors of these classes regarding my children's behaviour is:

 

- they listen well to instruction

- they cooperate well with other participants

- they try their best without being over-competitive

- they are positive towards others

- they don't distract other children in the groups

- they make new friends

- they are polite and answer questions

 

Things my children DON'T do are:

- care about wearing clothing with specific designer labels

- care about matching socks

- care about hair styles

- care if the games and activities they like are approved or disapproved of by their friends

- hide the fact that they do well in math, but their writing might be messy.

- hide the fact that they are interested in things that their friends are not (e.g., playing violin and singing in church)

 

I feel kind of jealous of my children. I wish that when I was growing up I could have had more opportunities to just be myself and enjoy things without worrying about what other people thought. Or worry about who was my "best friend" this week and who won't talk to me anymore. It's taken me a much longer time to reach the point of being comfortable with who I am. 

Thank you for this! It was most helpful. I can definitely get lots of ideas from  your thorough list. 

I completely agree...I feel like it took lots of post college time to figure this stuff out.