beaners Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Okay, I don't really expect you to be able to tell from a single post, but I'm flabbergasted. She sent us a package of old washcloths plus a few other small items. It cost $40 to ship and almost the entire thing is raggedy, used washcloths. She and my FIL have always been interesting. I've posted on here before about the time he *offered* to help us move, then gave us an itemized bill including a surcharge for time spent away from home. I've also posted about how he will buy things at yardsales without asking and then tell us how much we owe him. When we were three hours from them these things were constant, but now that we are six hours further away and we have been laying out clear boundaries for enough years, things have gotten a little better. My MIL still sends "dead kid clippings" where she cuts out every article about every child dying and sends them with notes about how we need to make sure none of our kids are killed in any of these kinds of freak accidents. We have told her to quit that for years but it is one of the things that still hasn't sunk in. This package is starting to make me wonder though. We don't see them as often since we moved. If my FIL hadn't been involved in as many of the head shaking incidents we have had with them, I would think it might be time to be concerned. This isn't that far out of the realm of ordinary in the years that I've known them though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 That would definitely give me pause. Are they removed from everyone, or is there a sibling, aunt, etc. who sees them often? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 If it's not too far out of the realm of ordinary, I think they're just a pretty odd. It seems like they've both been at this point mentally for years without degrading, so they just (okay "just" probably isn't the right word, lol) lack any common sense or social filters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrulySusan Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Were the other small items breakable? And the washcloths used as packing material since nothing else was available? Otherwise, I would be concerned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 When folks are so quirky as a baseline, it can be very difficult to tell when they are slipping cognitively. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 My in-laws are pack rats and will send us useless junk like that all the time. I think it's just because they can't throw it away themselves so they send it here and we do it for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Do you know anyone who has seen them in person recently? Not necessarily family: a neighbor, clergy, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Do you need to bathe? (LOL!) Or wash windows? Clean out the hamster cage? Bathe dogs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 When folks are so quirky as a baseline, it can be very difficult to tell when they are slipping cognitively. Exactly. Our 20 and 22 year olds went with me to visit my inlaws this summer. They live 19 hours away by car and we're trying to keep an eye on them as they're getting old. (80's). To give them a break, when I visit I do all the cooking and wash all the dishes. I love being able to help them. Well, as we were leaving MIL handed me a bag of frozen green beans as a parting gift. Since I cooked green beans while we were there she figured it would be a welcome gift. A 12 ounce bag of frozen green beans to drag with me from Savannah, Georgia to the very tip top of Illinois. But her baseline is quirky so for her it wasn't alarming at all. OP, if your mil isn't usually like this, I'd encourage her to get checked out. A vitamin deficiency or a medication interaction can cause things to go haywire. Or it could be something serious...better to know sooner rather than later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I remember your past posts about them, so this doesn't sound too far out of character for them. Watch your mail for your FIL's bill to cover the postage for the package of washcloths. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 My husband's sister has seen them recently and didn't mention anything terribly out of the ordinary *for them.* My FIL has a job that I think would remove him if he seemed iffy since he handles equipment and vehicles for the company. They have friends they see regularly in their community. They both have health issues, but no changes in those or meds that we have been informed of. A lot of this is hard to judge from far away with their history. No breakable items in the package, and it wasn't as though they were packing material. There were a couple small bags of candy for the kids and a couple articles of clothing. The rest was washcloths. I'm guessing the box is 16" x 20" x 20"? It was a lot of washcloths. I know my FIL did mail it so you're right I should be checking the mailbox for a bill! Anyone have a Pinterest board for crafts requiring used washcloths? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I am 53 years old and if you collected every washcloth I ever owned it wouldn't fill a box that size. That's a lot of washcloths. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 I sort of don't even want to imagine this, but it wouldn't be impossible that she bought used washcloths at a garage sale to send to us. Now I think I need to bleach my entire house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 That is really odd behavior, but it sounds like they've been doing odd things for a long time. As far as crafts, my MIL used to cut up old towels to use as an inner layer for the pot holders she sewed. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Bunny Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I sort of don't even want to imagine this, but it wouldn't be impossible that she bought used washcloths at a garage sale to send to us. Now I think I need to bleach my entire house. If only you had some rags for the bleach.... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 If only you had some rags for the bleach.... :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I would not be worried, but I do think you need to start a blog with an entry for each item they send you. Could you link up previous posts listing these things because I really need to know! The articles about children dying... yikes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Anyone have a Pinterest board for crafts requiring used washcloths? I would not be worried, but I do think you need to start a blog with an entry for each item they send you. Could you link up previous posts listing these things because I really need to know! . All seriousness aside (a bill for helping you move???), I was going to suggest a Pinterest board for stuff they have sent you. A blog would work too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 19, 2014 Author Share Posted September 19, 2014 I would not be worried, but I do think you need to start a blog with an entry for each item they send you. Could you link up previous posts listing these things because I really need to know! The articles about children dying... yikes. Here is one post. A blog chronicling all these thing would be pretty hilarious! http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/430658-help-me-be-kind-and-gracious/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plateau Mama Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 I don't think I'd worry. Yet. My MIL went thru a phase where she sent me sink strainers. Every couple months she'd send me a new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Consequences and return to sender might get your point across... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 GOOD GRIEF! LOL it makes you wonder though doesn't it....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 Here is one post. A blog chronicling all these thing would be pretty hilarious! http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/430658-help-me-be-kind-and-gracious/ thanks for the link, I read through it and even after hearing your description I was amazed at quantity in the picture of stuff they brought! You are a very kind person to put up with this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 <snip> No breakable items in the package, and it wasn't as though they were packing material. There were a couple small bags of candy for the kids and a couple articles of clothing. The rest was washcloths. I'm guessing the box is 16" x 20" x 20"? It was a lot of washcloths. I know my FIL did mail it so you're right I should be checking the mailbox for a bill! I don't see how that could possibly have cost nearly $40 to mail. Please tell me it wasn't overnighted, lol. I don't think I'd worry. Yet. My MIL went thru a phase where she sent me sink strainers. Every couple months she'd send me a new one. Everytime I start thinking that my inlaws are weird, I just come read this board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 19, 2014 Share Posted September 19, 2014 well we have an elderly grandma who sends these types of packages. She and her husband bought tons of garage sale stuff over their lifetimes and she has kept it all.......so she sends it out from time to time. Yes, used/dirty socks in large boxes will come. As Christmas gifts. Many nasty kid items appear. All go in the trash. Most has been in storage. She truly thinks it is something we need. We don't get 'invoices' but she will tell me how much it's all worth. LOL Yeah..... I think it's older people who probably went through hard financial times thinking they are helping you out. And yes, this elderly woman will let everyone know the cost she spent on you....and keeps a running tab in her mind. You just get yours written down ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 Small update: I thought you all would be just as thrilled as I was to find out that my inlaws are flying into town for five days over Thanksgiving. They are getting a hotel room, thank goodness. And flying is better than driving in terms of how much they can bring to give us. I think I'm still in shock though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I expect some good posts from you as a result of their visit. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I hope you refuse to pay. My dad tried the thing where he buys stuff for the kids and then bills us. I just told him no. He bought it, he does not simply run a tab for me without my consent. He stopped, because I told him flat out I would not pay. You need to tell them to stop and you will not pay for this stuff. That is the only way it is going to stop. If you have and they have ignored, then just don't pay and stand your ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Small update: I thought you all would be just as thrilled as I was to find out that my inlaws are flying into town for five days over Thanksgiving. They are getting a hotel room, thank goodness. And flying is better than driving in terms of how much they can bring to give us. I think I'm still in shock though. Do they have other people to visit besides you? Did they ask to visit with you first? They can stay in a hotel anywhere they'd like, but you don't have to entertain uninvited boundary-stompers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 We are the only people they would be visiting here. We didn't intend to move away from the rest of our families...it just happened, lol. They asked-ish my husband and he checked with me before answering. Since they have new grandchildren they haven't met yet we were expecting them to want to visit at some point. It will be a good chance for him to see how they are doing and if they are still just quirky or if there is something else going on, but a one or two day visit would have been more than enough in my opinion. With our new kids we have some extra-firm boundaries for interacting with them and what is and isn't acceptable, and they will have those ahead of time and the consequences if those rules aren't followed. They can be goofy to my husband or me and I will just be annoyed, but not following rules for the kids is a bannable offense. There is also always the chance that the extra chaos in our house right now will overwhelm them and they will shorten their visit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Small update: I thought you all would be just as thrilled as I was to find out that my inlaws are flying into town for five days over Thanksgiving. They are getting a hotel room, thank goodness. And flying is better than driving in terms of how much they can bring to give us. I think I'm still in shock though. Well, since hotels are often busy & may be running out of supplies over Thanksgiving, you could call the hotel ahead of time & say that they don't need to put any washcloths in the room your in-laws will have, as you will be able to stock them yourself. :laugh: Personally, I tend to agree with Horton that they are hoarders who cannot get rid of anything. Tossing something in the garbage or donating it is not an acceptable solution, but passing it off to you (even with exorbitant postage) is. Hoarding is now listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). From what I have read, there is some speculation that it can be related to OCD behaviors. Of course, I'm no expert & don't know very much, this is just what I've gleaned from reading online about hoarding (as I have some relatives who are hoarders). Just my opinions, of course.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I felt the bill for the moving expenses last time, was more odd than this one. That said, please think things through before you begin looking too deeply. You may be 100% unable to do anything unless you have their consent or a medical diagnosis making it legally possible. I was a bit grossed out imagining them sending their ratty, old washcloths, but sending garage sale ones would send me over the edge. :w00t: Get rid of them asap;I agree there is not enough bleach to make them usable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 I think she lost it long ago. Don't know if that means you'd like to do anything about it though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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