Is there a solution? Long

[Mynyel]

Conventional schooling just isn't working. We aren't disciplined enough. I get distracted, the kids get distracted. I have lots of work to do (work that is our income).

 

Even if we were disciplined the kids are bored with the school work I have. The groan whenever I say it is time to do school work.

 

I know I am going to keep math and spelling. I am going to do a few more hands on things. The problem lies in what to do.

 

I want to foster the learning. I want them to say I want to learn this and/or that and then learn it. How do I do that? I feel like I am sucking the fun of learning out of my two youngest. My oldest is old enough (and ambitious enough) to do it on her own. She learns just because she likes to.

 

Do I gather in a circle every day? I have tried letting them learn what they want to but the quickly, like within a day, get bored. All my 12yo wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks. I know there are people that will say he can learn from that but he can barely multiply and knows nothing of division. Some of that is my fault some of it is just avoiding it because he balks when I even think math.

 

I have a very hard time keeping up with everything. I have tried schedule after schedule after schedule. Nothing works. No one in the house, but me, wants to do it. I am a left brained person in a house full of right brained people. I don't function that way. I need and want a schedule.

 

I also don't have the energy to constantly battle with them over it. For instance, I told ds12 to sweep the kitchen. Twice. He grabs the broom and get distracted by his brother. I remind him again, he gets distracted by a bug and takes it outside so it doesn't die. Then stays outside and is now playing with his brother. Before you say ADD or whatever don't go there. If he can sit and play a game for hours he can sweep the flippin' kitchen.

 

Another issue we have is heat. My Lord above it has been hot. I get hot easily. We have no A/C. I do not feel like battling school work in the heat of the day. By the time it cools I am tired and don't have the mental energy to battle school work. In the mornings I work. If I don't work in the mornings I won't get my hours in. I know myself enough that I won't work in the evenings. I am just to tired and just don't care by then.

 

I have started exercising, which is supposed to be good for me but it kinda adding to the stress. I joined a gym and swim. I like the swimming, love the swimming. I hate the time it takes to go to the gym, swim, then come home. It is about 90 minutes. That is a lot of time 4 days a week out of my schedule.

 

Something has to give. I have to work 20 hours a week. I need to school the kids. That takes roughly 15 hours a week. Plus everything else I try to do. I am worn thin and don't know what to do.

 

On top of that the hubs is constantly talking of moving. Always the talk of moving and "have you looked at rentals today?" and "If we are still here" whenever I want to do something that is a commitment. I have been hearing this for at least 6 years. That is a whole different can of worms though.

 

Ugh. I just needed to vent I guess.

[Rachel]

I'm sorry you are stressed. I have no advice, but hopefully someone does.

[OneStepAtATime]

Hugs.  I am so sorry.  You sound really stressed and frustrated.  BTDT.

 

O.k. I'm no expert but part of the solution may be to get on the same page with getting organized.  It helped us.  I am a left brained person with 3 right brained family members, too.  I read Smart but Scattered and ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life.  And no, we are not ADD/ADHD here that I am aware of.  But we all have some Executive Function issues.  Read those.  Start there.  I actually started a housework appreticeship with my kids after reading the first book and it has been such a help!

 

And then look at outsourcing some things.  Are there any co-ops in the area that offer real classes?  Some do.  What about Khan Academy for some of the math?  Maybe one of the on-line offerings through Homeschool Buyer's Coop, or Currclick or Landry Academy or even Time for Learning?  So there is something they can do without you.  Could the olders tutor the youngers?

 

 

[Tanaqui]

Before you say ADD or whatever don't go there. If he can sit and play a game for hours he can sweep the flippin' kitchen.

 

You may be right. But you should be aware that ADD isn't just about deficits in attention, it's also about being unable to select what to pay attention to. Many people with ADD tend to hyperfocus on certain things. Sometimes this hyperfocus is useful, as when they happen to be really interested in math and so learn a lot that way. Sometimes it's somewhat detrimental, as when the hyperfocus is on a game.

 

Which doesn't mean that any of your children have ADD. Your kid could just not want to sweep the floor :) None of us knows your kids but you. But the ability to focus some of the time isn't proof against it.

[Jen500]

Can you go to an air conditioned public library for a few hours a day to do school? Maybe being away from the distractions at home would help.

:grouphug:

[CardinalAlt]

Have you tried connecting the tasks to tangible carrots? We finish the work in the afternoon, then you have time the next morning. You finish this assignment, then we get to do that learning game you like. Once you this chore, then it's snack time. You finish in this certain amount of time, and you get all your free time, or TV time, or whatever works. (Stating the positive with the implicit negative,that otherwise you lose some of that time while you finish your work.). We also do Fun Fridays - if we finish our work M-Th, we get a lighter Friday.

[kiwik]

If you are unable at this time to school them effectively perhaps you should look at sending them to school. My kids go to school because I have to work outside the home for 20 hours a week and I can't afford childcare. I hope it won't be forever but it provides us all with structure and does the job mostly.

[PeterPan]

You sound like you need more structure.  OneNote is working really well in our house right now and the price is right (free).  I set up all dd's work into her own virtual notebook on it, each subject with a folder, and each folder with pages for the syllabus, extra links, etc. It syncs between devices, so I can see what is done and she knows what to do.  Your role changes from teacher to enforcer.  

[Sahamamama]

This is going to be blunt. I'll say that upfront. OP, if you don't want to hear that, then please don't read my post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMO, a twelve year old who "can barely multiply and knows nothing of division" is just inexcusable. It doesn't matter what else you have on your plate. If you have decided to keep him out of school, then educating him is your responsibility. No excuses. If you haven't done that, then the question to ask is "Why?" Perhaps, deep down, you don't really want to teach him, or make him work, or deal with his resistance to working, or focus on the hard academic things, or acknowledge that learning is often hard work, or admit that you don't know how to make it work.

 

Even if, on the surface of things, it's easy to say, "But I really do want to educate my children," ask yourself if it matters enough to make it consistently happen. With all of them. You can "hit or miss" in the younger years -- and I'm not necessarily against "better late" -- but at a certain point, you have to face up to what a hard task it really is to educate a child for the modern world.

 

What are you doing to prepare your twelve year old son for adult life? The current situation -- "All [he] wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks" -- will not prepare him.

 

Okay, you have to work. Okay, there are other things that need to be done each day. I get that. But if that is the case, can you really and truly do what it takes to educate your children? It is not okay to go on and on and on being too distracted to get the job done, IMO. All philosophical objections to the schools aside, I think there is a stronger argument for humble honesty. The public schools may be X or Y or Z, but a mother who admits "I can't do this" needs to let go of those objections for the sake of the child.

 

I think you should immediately enroll your sons in school. Your daughter might want to remain at home, and if she's able to work well there, fine. But put your sons in school.

 

Focus on your health, your home, your finances. Get those solid and strong, then reassess your family's willingness to really invest the effort into educating at home. HTH.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

 

 

Agreeing that ADD/ADHD has a hyper focus component. Video games are often a hype focus activity.

 

 

 

I agree that more organization is helpful regardless of reasons. We use OneNote and clear lists of what needs done for my boys to check off.

 

Adequate sleep, good eating and consistent routines should help. Sometimes breaking down tasks into step by step instructions help....even for sweeping.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

This is going to be blunt. I'll say that upfront. OP, if you don't want to hear that, then please don't read my post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMO, a twelve year old who "can barely multiply and knows nothing of division" is just inexcusable. It doesn't matter what else you have on your plate. If you have decided to keep him out of school, then educating him is your responsibility. No excuses. If you haven't done that, then the question to ask is "Why?" Perhaps, deep down, you don't really want to teach him, or make him work, or deal with his resistance to working, or focus on the hard academic things, or acknowledge that learning is often hard work, or admit that you don't know how to make it work.

 

Even if, on the surface of things, it's easy to say, "But I really do want to educate my children," ask yourself if it matters enough to make it consistently happen. With all of them. You can "hit or miss" in the younger years -- and I'm not necessarily against "better late" -- but at a certain point, you have to face up to what a hard task it really is to educate a child for the modern world.

 

What are you doing to prepare your twelve year old son for adult life? The current situation -- "All [he] wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks" -- will not prepare him.

 

Okay, you have to work. Okay, there are other things that need to be done each day. I get that. But if that is the case, can you really and truly do what it takes to educate your children? It is not okay to go on and on and on being too distracted to get the job done, IMO. All philosophical objections to the schools aside, I think there is a stronger argument for humble honesty. The public schools may be X or Y or Z, but a mother who admits "I can't do this" needs to let go of those objections for the sake of the child.

 

I think you should immediately enroll your sons in school. Your daughter might want to remain at home, and if she's able to work well there, fine. But put your sons in school.

 

Focus on your health, your home, your finances. Get those solid and strong, then reassess your family's willingness to really invest the effort into educating at home. HTH.

Whoa. Those are some seriously personal remarks.

[PeterPan]

Whoa. Those are some seriously personal remarks.

I suppose that if you (the op) come on the boards and say you have time to swim and work out and hang out on boards but don't have time or energy to make your kid sweep or the floor or enforce a list of work, then you probably ought to expect it.

[mommymilkies]

This is going to be blunt. I'll say that upfront. OP, if you don't want to hear that, then please don't read my post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

IMO, a twelve year old who "can barely multiply and knows nothing of division" is just inexcusable. It doesn't matter what else you have on your plate. If you have decided to keep him out of school, then educating him is your responsibility. No excuses. If you haven't done that, then the question to ask is "Why?" Perhaps, deep down, you don't really want to teach him, or make him work, or deal with his resistance to working, or focus on the hard academic things, or acknowledge that learning is often hard work, or admit that you don't know how to make it work.

 

Even if, on the surface of things, it's easy to say, "But I really do want to educate my children," ask yourself if it matters enough to make it consistently happen. With all of them. You can "hit or miss" in the younger years -- and I'm not necessarily against "better late" -- but at a certain point, you have to face up to what a hard task it really is to educate a child for the modern world.

 

What are you doing to prepare your twelve year old son for adult life? The current situation -- "All [he] wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks" -- will not prepare him.

 

Okay, you have to work. Okay, there are other things that need to be done each day. I get that. But if that is the case, can you really and truly do what it takes to educate your children? It is not okay to go on and on and on being too distracted to get the job done, IMO. All philosophical objections to the schools aside, I think there is a stronger argument for humble honesty. The public schools may be X or Y or Z, but a mother who admits "I can't do this" needs to let go of those objections for the sake of the child.

 

I think you should immediately enroll your sons in school. Your daughter might want to remain at home, and if she's able to work well there, fine. But put your sons in school.

 

Focus on your health, your home, your finances. Get those solid and strong, then reassess your family's willingness to really invest the effort into educating at home. HTH.

I agree to a certain point.  

 

But.

 

Sometimes 12 year olds just forget everything they've ever learned once they hit puberty.  It will come back with time.  Thankfully my oldest is now over that, but I'm pretty sure she couldn't even spell her name for a good month.  This is the same kid who has always hit the ceiling on testing and she's ridiculously smart and motivated.  And then every kid has weaknesses.  It's possible the kid just has a weakness in this area despite much effort.  Division is my nemesis.  

 

I think if he just doesn't get it, it is definitely time for an outside evaluation no matter what.  

[73349]

I think keeping your 12YO unplugged until the school work is done might be a place to start.

[...................]

Not everyone should home school.  If your sons are that distracted, that far behind, and that out of it...then they just are going to have a really hard time in life later on.  

 

If you can't or don't or won't make consistent education and a healthy well rounded life experience a priority, then let the school do it.  

 

 

[*lifeoftheparty*]

Sorry. I agree with sahamamama. The time for testing this and trying that have come and gone.

 

You need to put the 12 year old in school ASAP.

 

Then, if you want to try and force yourself to stick with a schedule- trying whatever ideas/solutions you get here, you do that WHILE he is being educated at school.

 

It sounds like you don't have any more time to lose.

 

Please understand, this comes from someone (me) who has a HUGE problem sticking to routines and schedules. HUGE. I feel like I squandered a good part of 1st and 3rd grades. But by 4th grade (last year) I just had to *make* it work.

 

I figured out that we do our best work between 10 and 2-3 pm. Then, I cleared our schedule of things that interrupted school work and replaced them with activties that meshed well with that schedule- or didn't replace them at all.

 

I followed advice I read here- During the school hours of 10-2, I don't answer the phone. I don't do chores. We focus on school and nothing else.

 

I decided to focus on the important stuff- The 3R's and CC memory work. This year, now that we have a routine going with the basics, we were able to add back in all the other stuff and this is the best year ever. But to me, 4th grade was the "we can't mess around anymore- middle school is looming" year. 5th grade will be spent catching him up on his worst subject- language arts/writing while doing everything else.

 

I just can't imagine "barely knowing multiplication and nothing of division" at 12. That just isn't right.

 

Part of getting our act together last year was no TV or electronic usage until school work was done. Period. Not even during lunch time.

 

I give him a time limit for each subject- once that limit has been reached, we move on to the next subject. He then has to finish what he didn't get done at the end of the school day- when Dad is home (and Dad does not play around!). It's also when his neighborhood friends are knocking on the door- and we make him answer and tell them he can't play because he isn't done with school.

 

It works. It helps him to focus (he has ADHD tendencies too) on being efficient.

 

Is every day peachy here? No way. But he is learning. He is learning at a decent speed and is at grade level or above in everything but language arts- which isn't from lack of teaching/school time, but lack of ability. So we work patiently, but diligently, on it.

 

I'm sorry- but if what you said was descriptive of my son at 12 (only two years away)- I would just accept the fact the homeschool isn't working and he would be in school. As much as I would *hate* it. He would be in school. I'm sorry.

[Snow]

I'm sorry to say, it sounds like the solution is to educate your kids via public school. It sounds like you are not able to make your kids education the priority that it should be at home. That's understandable. There is *no way* I personally could homeschool while working. I admire anyone who does.

 

There are many people on the boards who started hs'ing and then switched to school and have had happy successful outcomes. Really.

 

Good luck with your decision.

[Coco_Clark]

Im not going to say you have to put him in school, though I think that's an option you should consider.

 

BUT...

 

Conventional schooling just isn't working. We aren't disciplined enough. I get distracted, the kids get distracted. I have lots of work to do (work that is our income).

 

I'm going to say it as gently as I can but, THAT's the problem.  "We aren't disciplined enough.  I get distracted."  So don't get distracted.  You are a grown woman, choose not to get distracted. Every time you want to get distracted think, "my son cannot sweep the floor because he is so distracted, he learned that from me.  I am going to learn to focus so that he can see what focusing looks like."  

 

Even if we were disciplined the kids are bored with the school work I have. The groan whenever I say it is time to do school work.

 

I know I am going to keep math and spelling. I am going to do a few more hands on things. The problem lies in what to do.

 

 

I want to foster the learning. I want them to say I want to learn this and/or that and then learn it. How do I do that? I feel like I am sucking the fun of learning out of my two youngest. My oldest is old enough (and ambitious enough) to do it on her own. She learns just because she likes to.

 

Do I gather in a circle every day? I have tried letting them learn what they want to but the quickly, like within a day, get bored. All my 12yo wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks. I know there are people that will say he can learn from that but he can barely multiply and knows nothing of division. Some of that is my fault some of it is just avoiding it because he balks when I even think math.

 

Someone on these boards said (and I've very very sorry I can't remember who) that you need a balance.  Too much school and they are too exhausted afterwards to do anything but veg out in a lump.  Too little school and they have no inspiration to do anything but veg in a lump.  I dont think your problem lies in what to do.  I think your problem lies in doing things.

 

Kids don't like work, its boring.  Especially kids who watch their parents not liking work and saying its boring.  Tough tootie.  Do it anyways. Its ok to say that. I dont think every second of homeschooling has to be joy filled and self led. 

 

I have a very hard time keeping up with everything. I have tried schedule after schedule after schedule. Nothing works. No one in the house, but me, wants to do it. I am a left brained person in a house full of right brained people. I don't function that way. I need and want a schedule.

 

 

I also don't have the energy to constantly battle with them over it. For instance, I told ds12 to sweep the kitchen. Twice. He grabs the broom and get distracted by his brother. I remind him again, he gets distracted by a bug and takes it outside so it doesn't die. Then stays outside and is now playing with his brother. Before you say ADD or whatever don't go there. If he can sit and play a game for hours he can sweep the flippin' kitchen.

 

Another issue we have is heat. My Lord above it has been hot. I get hot easily. We have no A/C. I do not feel like battling school work in the heat of the day. By the time it cools I am tired and don't have the mental energy to battle school work. In the mornings I work. If I don't work in the mornings I won't get my hours in. I know myself enough that I won't work in the evenings. I am just to tired and just don't care by then.

 

I have started exercising, which is supposed to be good for me but it kinda adding to the stress. I joined a gym and swim. I like the swimming, love the swimming. I hate the time it takes to go to the gym, swim, then come home. It is about 90 minutes. That is a lot of time 4 days a week out of my schedule.

 

Something has to give. I have to work 20 hours a week. I need to school the kids. That takes roughly 15 hours a week. Plus everything else I try to do. I am worn thin and don't know what to do.

 

You are right, something may have to give.  So sit down and make a schedule.  Not even necessarily to FOLLOW that schedule, just to see if its possible to fit everything in.  CAN you work 20 hours a week, school 15 hours a week, work out 6 hours a week, clean however many hours a week?  Do those many hours exist in a day?  Do you need to do something in the evenings to make it fit?  Are you willing to?  If not, it's time to prioritize.  

 

Then create a second, follow-able, schedule and follow it. Include rest times if you know you will need them.  Then don't get distracted, by other things or by shiny new schedules.  Follow the schedule you created, follow it until it is second nature.  Don't say you are so tired you "don't care" at the end of the day.  Say "I care about doing this, therefor I will, even though I am tired."    

 

On top of that the hubs is constantly talking of moving. Always the talk of moving and "have you looked at rentals today?" and "If we are still here" whenever I want to do something that is a commitment. I have been hearing this for at least 6 years. That is a whole different can of worms though.

 

Ugh. I just needed to vent I guess.

 

 

[...................]

I was going to add, that if you work from the home 20 hours plus per week, most moms would find it a huge struggle to do that and home school at all, let alone well.  I think it takes a special, unique mother who can do that and home school well; and if you are an inherently distracted person, then that will just make it even more difficult.  

 

I think that a very capable, focused, disciplined and high-energy person CAN homeschool well AND work from home 20 plus hours per week.  But if even one of those things is out of place balls are going to drop.  Think about it....if the person is not focused, then she is not going to be able to focus on work when it's work time, and focus on school at school time, etc.  If the mom is not disciplined, she is not going to be able to use the most of those other 15 hours left to homeschool.  THat works out to something like maybe 3 hours per day that you would have to truly dedicate to homeschooling.  You'd need to be extremely disciplined to use that time wisely, and then use all your other time wisely as well.  And you would also need to be high energy because in order for your kids to be healthy individuals you also have to drive them to their activities, sports, and events so that they can see other humans. 

 

 

[Farrar]

Honestly, what it sounds like is that they need your attention and time more than anything. Schedules don't school kids. They don't work or not work - people are what makes them work. I think it sounds like you're struggling to find the inner resources to spend that time and energy on the things they need you to spend time and energy on.

 

Basically I think...  one post is not a full picture of your lives. I know that when I'm low, I tend to say blanket things in a horrible wail to dh like, "And they're not learning ANYTHING ever!" which, really, is nonsense and more of a picture of where I am at that moment than any real assessment of how much the kids know of what they're capable of. Everyone (or most of us normal folk) have goals we don't feel like we're meeting and serious doubts as well. Life is overwhelming and we all let things slide that we shouldn't sometimes. I tend to think of it like this - chaos is always encroaching and I am always fighting it by reorganizing, recommitting, and generally fending it off.

 

Most of us struggle to get our kids to listen and do chores. Many if not most kids tend to struggle with wasting all day on video games.

 

However, if your ds really can't do basic elementary math as a middle schooler and if the electronics are really out of control then that's a problem. And if you really aren't getting any appreciable schooling done most days, or not enough and not just in the last couple of weeks in the heat but ever, at any point, then that's a problem too. But I don't know if that's your inner wail of despair or if it's the truth, you know?

 

One possible solution, as others are saying, is school. The other is that you somehow find those inner resources, possibly by rearranging your day. I know you say that you have to do your work in the morning, but most kids need to do their work in the morning too and you, as the adult, may need to be the one to change.

[CardinalAlt]

I, too, work about 20 hours a week, and would love to do more in the mornings - I'm a morning person. But I focus mornings on my kids' school when they're fresh. Most of my work happens later, in a very deliberate rhythm. You can set the rhythm - stick to it, they'll follow.

[Reefgazer]

Remove all electronic privileges (TV, games, iPods, smartphones) from the home except on non-school days, and they will be so bored they will turn to books and your lesson plans.  Really, I'm not kidding.  My kids have extremely restricted electronics and this is one (although not the only reason) of the reasons why.

 

Cut the exercise down to a reasonable amount.  Not eliminate it, but cut it down so it is manageable.

 

My DH was military and I always heard the "if we're still here" line once too often.  I got tired of living in a holding pattern, especially since we were fairly long-term here, despite being military.  So one day, I had enough.  I put a deposit (a pricy one) and application in for a pool club and just started living like I was gonna be here forever.  And we're still here, LOL!  If you don't have time to search new rentals, tell your DH you don't have time and that he'll have to do it if he wants to move.

 

ETA:  I just read the thread after I posted, and I have to agree with the previous posters who said that an air conditioned public library might be a good option.  I also agree with the poster who said educating the kids has to be a priority and that you need to consider public school if it cannot be your priority at this time. 

Conventional schooling just isn't working. We aren't disciplined enough. I get distracted, the kids get distracted. I have lots of work to do (work that is our income).

 

Even if we were disciplined the kids are bored with the school work I have. The groan whenever I say it is time to do school work.

 

I know I am going to keep math and spelling. I am going to do a few more hands on things. The problem lies in what to do.

 

I want to foster the learning. I want them to say I want to learn this and/or that and then learn it. How do I do that? I feel like I am sucking the fun of learning out of my two youngest. My oldest is old enough (and ambitious enough) to do it on her own. She learns just because she likes to.

 

Do I gather in a circle every day? I have tried letting them learn what they want to but the quickly, like within a day, get bored. All my 12yo wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks. I know there are people that will say he can learn from that but he can barely multiply and knows nothing of division. Some of that is my fault some of it is just avoiding it because he balks when I even think math.

 

I have a very hard time keeping up with everything. I have tried schedule after schedule after schedule. Nothing works. No one in the house, but me, wants to do it. I am a left brained person in a house full of right brained people. I don't function that way. I need and want a schedule.

 

I also don't have the energy to constantly battle with them over it. For instance, I told ds12 to sweep the kitchen. Twice. He grabs the broom and get distracted by his brother. I remind him again, he gets distracted by a bug and takes it outside so it doesn't die. Then stays outside and is now playing with his brother. Before you say ADD or whatever don't go there. If he can sit and play a game for hours he can sweep the flippin' kitchen.

 

Another issue we have is heat. My Lord above it has been hot. I get hot easily. We have no A/C. I do not feel like battling school work in the heat of the day. By the time it cools I am tired and don't have the mental energy to battle school work. In the mornings I work. If I don't work in the mornings I won't get my hours in. I know myself enough that I won't work in the evenings. I am just to tired and just don't care by then.

 

I have started exercising, which is supposed to be good for me but it kinda adding to the stress. I joined a gym and swim. I like the swimming, love the swimming. I hate the time it takes to go to the gym, swim, then come home. It is about 90 minutes. That is a lot of time 4 days a week out of my schedule.

 

Something has to give. I have to work 20 hours a week. I need to school the kids. That takes roughly 15 hours a week. Plus everything else I try to do. I am worn thin and don't know what to do.

 

On top of that the hubs is constantly talking of moving. Always the talk of moving and "have you looked at rentals today?" and "If we are still here" whenever I want to do something that is a commitment. I have been hearing this for at least 6 years. That is a whole different can of worms though.

 

Ugh. I just needed to vent I guess.

 

[fourisenough]

Hugs! Homeschooling tweens & teens is tough. Sounds like you are asking yourself for permission to make a big change. If your local public school is an option, I'd look into it. It may really change your family life for the better.

[PeterPan]

I, too, work about 20 hours a week, and would love to do more in the mornings - I'm a morning person. But I focus mornings on my kids' school when they're fresh. Most of my work happens later, in a very deliberate rhythm. You can set the rhythm - stick to it, they'll follow.

That works until you introduce some misconceptions about adhd and have undiagnosed problems.  That's when you end up with "we're trying, this ought to work, it's going horribly."  The answer is still structure, but it means the structure is a lot HARDER to accomplish, harder to maintain.  Working with my kid and creating structure is like trying to LIFT OFF A JET.  Once you get her going, things work ok and coast, but MAN getting that structure and getting it all going is hard. I can't imagine if I had to do that for 4 kids at once.  

 

If the op has misconceptions about adhd and undiagnosed problems, it would explain why what seems so easy to other people is so hard for her.

[Mynyel]

Thank you so much for the blunt (Sahamamama :)) and the encouraging (Farrar & Coco) words. Just to address a few things though. :) It isn't the whole picture and I was feeling particularly down. Again, I get tired in the evenings and make mountains out of mole hills.

 

First... to Jen 500 and Reef... why didn't I think of a library with A/C. My Lord that would help 1000 percent. That alone had the angels singing. Jeez.

 

To others who think my son is way behind. He is and to a degree (a small one before you blast me!) on purpose. I found he was learning better if I waited a bit. I can say this last year has been especially bad. Not just schooling but with life and things slid back even further. He isn't quite as bad as I make him out to be but he is certainly behind as compared to ps kids in the same grade. In my defense math and grammar (If you can be behind in grammar?) is the only subjects he is behind in. In other subjects we cover he is on target.

 

You guys have pointed out to me what I need to do. I felt like life was just spinning out of control but I was helpless to do anything about it. I realize I was looking at it wrong. I am the one in control and need to stay that way.

 

I don't want to school to be an option so I have to pull up my socks and get the work done. I can do that. I have to.  Sometimes I just need a little encouragement (or bluntness :))just a little nudge to help me along the way.

 

:grouphug:

[PeterPan]

Mynyel, if I could just toss this out for you, your ds is at the age where behind + distraction issues +... = get evals.  You can get them for free through the ps or go privately, as you wish.  Some school districts are fabulously helpful and some aren't.  It would give you better information to teach him.  In our case, we found out all kinds of things I wasn't expecting and those things radically altered how we work together.  And they made me more confident to blow off criticism.  

 

But yes, 12 + struggling + distractions = get evals.  

[AdventuresinHomeschooling]

Instead of rushing to the public school, perhaps you could spend some time evaluating things and whether you can get it done and how.  Think about what your plans look like and how they are going to be reasonably accomplished.

 

I completely understand how certain times of the day can be an unmotivated slump.  I get like that too.  I am doing a cleanse diet right now where I am cutting out sweets (and many other things) cold turkey for 30 days, and they show no mercy.  I just have to choose NOT to eat sugar.  I have to realize that it is a choice I make.  In the same way, how we spend our time is a choice.  Make sure you are eating well and getting enough rest.  Perhaps an A/C library will help you focus and stay cool to take care of the heat, and you have to choose. to. get. it. done.  You can eliminate the superfluous activities and just focus on the basics.

 

I have one other idea though instead of school.  What about a co-op?  In high school, I took almost all of my classes from co-op.  They usually meet twice a week.  It introduces another layer of accountability into getting assignments done.  They can do classes while you are working, too.  Then you help them with their work throughout the week.  You don't have to do all the planning, organizing or even lesson planning, but you can supplement and work with your child one on one.  That takes a little off their plate, but it still allows you to be in charge of their education.  Usually co-ops are multi-grade so you don't have to worry too much about your son being held back as he would in public school.  He can work where he is at.  

 

It sounds like an accountability system for your kids may help too.  But you have to stay consistent.  A good attitude and hard work in their responsibility of school and chores earns them privileges.  Something that helps them be motivated.  

 

Help them take more control of their day.  There's no reason why they can't read or do math problems while you are working in the morning.  Then their time with you is more of a time to discuss what they're learning, helping with areas they need help and explaining their assignments.  Perhaps you can even do that for one hour in the morning and get them working while you are.  Then by the time afternoon comes, you're just finishing up what didn't get done or going over any difficulties.  If they finish, maybe you can do something fun in the afternoon as motivation, such as a computer game or an outing.  I understand focus can be an issue here still, but working independently is a skill they will need in life and is as important to teach as math.  

 

Good luck in regaining control.  Honestly, you are the one in charge, and as the mother, you set the tone for the household.  Homeschooling works well if the house works well, and you have to address these issues first.

 

[Pen]

Conventional schooling just isn't working. We aren't disciplined enough. I get distracted, the kids get distracted. I have lots of work to do (work that is our income).

 

Even if we were disciplined the kids are bored with the school work I have. The groan whenever I say it is time to do school work.

 

I know I am going to keep math and spelling. I am going to do a few more hands on things. The problem lies in what to do.

 

I want to foster the learning. I want them to say I want to learn this and/or that and then learn it. How do I do that? I feel like I am sucking the fun of learning out of my two youngest. My oldest is old enough (and ambitious enough) to do it on her own. She learns just because she likes to.

 

Do I gather in a circle every day? I have tried letting them learn what they want to but the quickly, like within a day, get bored. All my 12yo wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks. I know there are people that will say he can learn from that but he can barely multiply and knows nothing of division. Some of that is my fault some of it is just avoiding it because he balks when I even think math.

 

I have a very hard time keeping up with everything. I have tried schedule after schedule after schedule. Nothing works. No one in the house, but me, wants to do it. I am a left brained person in a house full of right brained people. I don't function that way. I need and want a schedule.

 

I also don't have the energy to constantly battle with them over it. For instance, I told ds12 to sweep the kitchen. Twice. He grabs the broom and get distracted by his brother. I remind him again, he gets distracted by a bug and takes it outside so it doesn't die. Then stays outside and is now playing with his brother. Before you say ADD or whatever don't go there. If he can sit and play a game for hours he can sweep the flippin' kitchen.

 

Another issue we have is heat. My Lord above it has been hot. I get hot easily. We have no A/C. I do not feel like battling school work in the heat of the day. By the time it cools I am tired and don't have the mental energy to battle school work. In the mornings I work. If I don't work in the mornings I won't get my hours in. I know myself enough that I won't work in the evenings. I am just to tired and just don't care by then.

 

I have started exercising, which is supposed to be good for me but it kinda adding to the stress. I joined a gym and swim. I like the swimming, love the swimming. I hate the time it takes to go to the gym, swim, then come home. It is about 90 minutes. That is a lot of time 4 days a week out of my schedule.

 

Something has to give. I have to work 20 hours a week. I need to school the kids. That takes roughly 15 hours a week. Plus everything else I try to do. I am worn thin and don't know what to do.

 

On top of that the hubs is constantly talking of moving. Always the talk of moving and "have you looked at rentals today?" and "If we are still here" whenever I want to do something that is a commitment. I have been hearing this for at least 6 years. That is a whole different can of worms though.

 

Ugh. I just needed to vent I guess.

 

I also  think it would help to get evaluations of your kids, esp your 12 year old, for learning disabilities, ADD, etc.

 

He (they) may not want to do school work because he has something going on that is making it unusually difficult.  And it may be that he prefers to rebel against the doing than to struggle with the difficulty or feel stupid or that sort of thing. That he learns better later may be a sign of something.

 

If the evaluations show that there is a problem, then you need to find programs suitable to whatever the problem is. If you learn that there is no underlying problem, then you either have to insist that schoolwork (also chores etc.) be done despite grumbling (work on attitude would also be helpful, but you may just need to ignore the grumbling for a while), or send whoever will not do school work at home to a brick and mortar school.

 

The reality may simply be that you have too much that you are trying to do, and that if you are not getting cooperation from the children, that you are going to need to send them to public or other school. You need to do the work that is your income. You need to do the things that relate to your health, like exercise in some way (though perhaps you could find something that is less time consuming than current method), you need to do things that relate to your family's health. But, assuming you are in a country with brick and mortar schools available, you do not actually need to homeschool, that is one of the places you can actually cut back and reduce the pressure.

 

ETA: You could also lay this out to the kids--explain what needs to be done (home front, school, etc.), give some ideas you've gotten (library with A/C etc.), and get them to give input on what they think would help or work to achieve what is needed.

[HS Mom in NC]

Conventional schooling just isn't working. We aren't disciplined enough. I get distracted, the kids get distracted. I have lots of work to do (work that is our income).

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "conventional schooling."

 

Assuming there isn't some sort of clinical issue related to brain processing which I'm completely unqualified to comment on, I think there might be a cultural issue going on here.  I think far too many people in American culture think they should only have to do something if they want to or feel like it.  I don't begin with that assumption. I think most of us can expect to spent significant portions of our day doing things we don't especially want or like to do.  I think people should be emotionally neutral about that.

 

Even if we were disciplined the kids are bored with the school work I have. The groan whenever I say it is time to do school work.

 

This is a variation on the same want to/feel like it theme.  I have no expectation that my kids will like or want to do school.  Do they?  Sure, some of it.  But they don't all want to do long division or rewrite their run on sentences.  I'm not the slightest bit bothered by that.  I think that's within the range of normal.  Now, I think there are better curricula out there that are inherently more interesting than others, but I don't think there's one curriculum or educational approach that will turn every child into a self-motivated voracious leaner.  I'm completely at peace with that.

 

How much of adult life involves doing some things we don't want to do?  Who has ever felt like scrubbing a toilet? That's just part of life. 

 

 

I know I am going to keep math and spelling. I am going to do a few more hands on things. The problem lies in what to do.

 

Do what they need academically.  Whatever that is, whether they're inspired and love it or not, is what you need to do.

 

I want to foster the learning. I want them to say I want to learn this and/or that and then learn it. How do I do that? I feel like I am sucking the fun of learning out of my two youngest. My oldest is old enough (and ambitious enough) to do it on her own. She learns just because she likes to.

 

Do you have siblings?  I think families in America are so small anymore that one important aspect of reality is lost to people with few siblings-people are all different.  Some children are dramatically different. Now, it may be useful for you to meet and or read about some unschoolers because most of them succeed in this.  I wouldn't however, assume that unschooling will automatically be the right fit.  You should keep the possibility open that you may have to make them do something they don't enjoy and that's OK if you tried to get them to take responsibility for their own educations and they refused.

 

Do I gather in a circle every day? I have tried letting them learn what they want to but the quickly, like within a day, get bored. All my 12yo wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks. I know there are people that will say he can learn from that but he can barely multiply and knows nothing of division. Some of that is my fault some of it is just avoiding it because he balks when I even think math.

 

I don't allow screen time during school unless it's the typing program. I would say that's the norm among the homeschoolers I know IRL and on the boards here.  Assuming your 12 year old doesn't have a clinically diagnosable learning problem (you can get that checked) it's time you ditched the video games and got to work on math.  He needs math. You may need to look into Diane Craft resources for right brained learners.  You may need to try video instruction math.  You may need teaching textbooks.  You may need a private tutor to catch him up.  Whatever, but he needs math and he needs it now.

 

I have a very hard time keeping up with everything. I have tried schedule after schedule after schedule. Nothing works. No one in the house, but me, wants to do it. I am a left brained person in a house full of right brained people. I don't function that way. I need and want a schedule.

 

Kids not wanting to do chores is normal.  Kids wanting to chores is weird.  I think an big change in your thoughts on this needs to happen before you do anything.  I'm not someone who is naturally inclined to a schedule either, but there came a point when it was useful and necessary so I stuck to it.  No schedule or routine is going to work 100%.  I think the best anyone can hope for is about 80-85% at the most.  Adapt to life as it is-not to how you want it to be.  I suggest people start with a simple principle like "Work First, Then Play." Build on that theme when it comes to making decisions.  School then chores then free time.  Also, stick to, "Complete A Task Before Moving On."  You can't do anything else until this is done.  Expect to supervise them if they need it.  Some need it longer than others. 

 

I also don't have the energy to constantly battle with them over it. For instance, I told ds12 to sweep the kitchen. Twice. He grabs the broom and get distracted by his brother. I remind him again, he gets distracted by a bug and takes it outside so it doesn't die. Then stays outside and is now playing with his brother. Before you say ADD or whatever don't go there. If he can sit and play a game for hours he can sweep the flippin' kitchen.

 

He clearly needs supervision for a while.  Sorry.  I wish my oldest didn't need reminding and distant supervision, but she does.  My middle just wants to get something done so she can move on.  My 9 year old complains more than the others.  That's life.

 

Another issue we have is heat. My Lord above it has been hot. I get hot easily. We have no A/C. I do not feel like battling school work in the heat of the day. By the time it cools I am tired and don't have the mental energy to battle school work. In the mornings I work. If I don't work in the mornings I won't get my hours in. I know myself enough that I won't work in the evenings. I am just to tired and just don't care by then.

 

My kids are assigned school by the week.  I do the hanging file folder system.  When I was still schooling the older ones they knew what they had to do and they knew they had to do it during school hours until they were done.  There was a 3:00 pm Friday deadline.  One had to be where I could see her so I knew she was working during those hours.  The other was getting things done on her own so she could school where ever she wanted. They asked for help as needed.  If I was busy with the other or my youngest, they had  whole week's worth of things to choose from if they were stuck on one thing.  That left me free to work more hands on with the youngest (phonics, math manipulatives, etc.) They also had a chores chart.  If they were completely stumped on one subject and had finished their other things while I had a line of 2 kids, the chore chart was the next place to go. 

 

Everyone has daily and weekly chores posted.  Each weekly chore was assigned a day of the week so they didn't all fall on the same day.  I didn't figure out who was doing what every single freakin day. That takes mental energy.  I figured it out once and then rotated it.  Chores are fairly evenly divided and assigned for the month and rotate between the kids.  (I'm in the rotation too.)

 

There's no reason for my older kids to sit idly by playing video games during school hours.  Did they like it all?  Nope.  Did they crab and complain sometimes?  Yep.  That's motherhood for you.  Later they've thanked me for homeschooling them because community college sooooo easy and their base of knowledge is broad cc like a review.

 

Generally when these issues pop up I won't go straight to "homeschooling isn't for everyone" but since you're actually employed and homeschooling, I think it's wroth considering right away.  There are boardies here you successfully do it, so I suggest looking at those threads because I don't know anything about that.

 

I have started exercising, which is supposed to be good for me but it kinda adding to the stress. I joined a gym and swim. I like the swimming, love the swimming. I hate the time it takes to go to the gym, swim, then come home. It is about 90 minutes. That is a lot of time 4 days a week out of my schedule.

 

I started an exercise routine this year to prepare for an intense hiking trip in a very remote place.  That meant 3-4 days a week of cardio and muscle training.  I didn't have to time for the gym even though I would have preferred it.  I bought a video and did it in my living room and I jogged around the neighborhood.  That's what I had time for. If I had to choose between schooling/chore supervising and working out at the gym, I wouldn't choose the gym.  I'd work on a gym substitute.

 

Be sure you have a physical. Tell them you're tired and stressed and want to start a physical regimen to get in shape.  I went to a local walk in clinic (faster and easier than finding a primary care doctor.) She did a work up and discovered I was anemic and severely B-12 deficient.  She got that fixed and I've felt so much better.  You deserve to feel better.  Maybe you've got a thyroid thing going on.  Maybe something else. Finding out sooner is always better than finding out later.

 

Something has to give. I have to work 20 hours a week. I need to school the kids. That takes roughly 15 hours a week. Plus everything else I try to do. I am worn thin and don't know what to do.

 

Many homeschoolers get over extended.  You can't do everything at once.  If you have to work, put that first.  If you want to homeschool, that comes second.  Do you realistically have room in your life for more?  If not, don't do anything else.  If you do, think long and hard about what other things is the best use of your precious time and energy. Spend them very carefully. You are valuable.  Your mental, emotional and physical health are valuable. You are not the only person in the household who may have to give something up for the sake of the family.  Your kids may need to do less.  That's not anyone being mean.  That's just life.

 

I have often had conversations with my kids over the years about our priorities.  I have explicitly stated what is essential and what is optional.  I've also listed the optional things out from least important to most important (they contribute their thoughts on what's more important and less important)  and explain that there are times in life when you have to cut back.  I show them what will be cut first, then next, etc.  I give examples of things dad and I cut back on when time and money are less than what they were.  I present this matter of factually and downright cheerfully. " I really enjoyed eating out more, but then money has been tight since dad started the business, so now I'm learning to cook new things. I don't love cooking, but I'm glad to know I can do it well when I need to. " We had to cut piano lessons for the oldest two.  They were OK with that. Adapt to life how it is-not to hoe you want it to be.

 

On top of that the hubs is constantly talking of moving. Always the talk of moving and "have you looked at rentals today?" and "If we are still here" whenever I want to do something that is a commitment. I have been hearing this for at least 6 years. That is a whole different can of worms though.

 

I think many men don't realize how frustrating that is.  If it were me, and I'm not as nice as most people are, I would explain to my husband that I don't want to discuss or hear about moving again until he has called a realtor to put the house on the market.  I would be as firm as a person can get before being aggressive about it.

 

Husband: "Have you looked at rentals today?"

Me: (Very firm tone and direct, unblinking eye contact) " Have you called a realtor?"

Husband: "No."

Me: "Then I don't want to hear about it until you have." Then I would walk out of the room and get to doing something else.

 

Ugh. I just needed to vent I guess.

 

 

 

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Mynyel, if I could just toss this out for you, your ds is at the age where behind + distraction issues +... = get evals. You can get them for free through the ps or go privately, as you wish. Some school districts are fabulously helpful and some aren't. It would give you better information to teach him. In our case, we found out all kinds of things I wasn't expecting and those things radically altered how we work together. And they made me more confident to blow off criticism.

 

But yes, 12 + struggling + distractions = get evals.

 

Agree 100%

[Tidbits of Learning]

Thank you so much for the blunt (Sahamamama :)) and the encouraging (Farrar & Coco) words. Just to address a few things though. :) It isn't the whole picture and I was feeling particularly down. Again, I get tired in the evenings and make mountains out of mole hills.

 

First... to Jen 500 and Reef... why didn't I think of a library with A/C. My Lord that would help 1000 percent. That alone had the angels singing. Jeez.

Some libraries have small study rooms you can go into as well which would cut down on distractions at the library.

 

To others who think my son is way behind. He is and to a degree (a small one before you blast me!) on purpose. I found he was learning better if I waited a bit. I can say this last year has been especially bad. Not just schooling but with life and things slid back even further. He isn't quite as bad as I make him out to be but he is certainly behind as compared to ps kids in the same grade. In my defense math and grammar (If you can be behind in grammar?) is the only subjects he is behind in. In other subjects we cover he is on target.

Math and grammar unfortunately are very important subjects.  I was a horrible homeschool parent.  I literally couldn't make myself keep a schedule and I struggled with ds and his addiction to technology and allergy to schooling.  We put ours in online charter school when ds was 4th grade.  He was really behind in math and language arts and I had purposely went slowly with him while homeschooling.  Within a week of scoring 2 points below grade level on the language arts scantron (much better than I feared he would score at the time), he had been tested and evaluated and we discovered he was dyslexic/dysgraphic.  So I will echo others and say it is time to look to an outside source to evaluate your son.  At 12, he should be doing pre-algebra not learning multiplication/division.  My ds still does not have his math facts mastered but we were able to move forward in math b/c he understands the concept of multiplication/division just hasn't memorized them.  He uses a calculator while still working on the facts on the side.  So he has been able to move from very low grade maths to now doing 6th grade Fundamentals of Geometry and Algebra with a multiplication chart and calculator.  If I hadn't found out about his issues, I would still think we can't move past this point or he will never succeed in higher maths.  He is doing well now and a weight is off my shoulders.  

I had to accept that I was not doing what was best for him.  I need a teacher to ride him as well and a school that says you will not pass this grade if you don't complete 80% of your work.  Is school easy for him? No and it probably never will be.  Is making him do the work and riding him on it easy for me? No, but he is 6th grade and almost 12 and isn't getting any younger.  I put oldest dd back in public school this year on her wishes and she is in AP, Pre-AP, and Honors courses.  Those would not be a reality for ds but I have seen what public school actually accomplishes and I can tell you without us being in a structured charter school for ds with teacher help if he or I need it that he would not be working towards having a productive adult life.  

We have to not have any electronics during the school week.  This does not include watching tv at night as a family, but xbox, computer, ds, all of that is off during the school week M-F.

 

You guys have pointed out to me what I need to do. I felt like life was just spinning out of control but I was helpless to do anything about it. I realize I was looking at it wrong. I am the one in control and need to stay that way.

 

I don't want to school to be an option so I have to pull up my socks and get the work done. I can do that. I have to.  Sometimes I just need a little encouragement (or bluntness :))just a little nudge to help me along the way.

 

:grouphug:

 

While brick and mortar school is not an option for us, I will say going with online school really has helped me and my son.

[FloridaLisa]

Conventional schooling just isn't working. We aren't disciplined enough. I get distracted, the kids get distracted. I have lots of work to do (work that is our income).

 

Even if we were disciplined the kids are bored with the school work I have. The groan whenever I say it is time to do school work.

 

This is likely more of a character issue than an academic issue. Your solution is not to get all new materials. Your solution is to get your kids to understand that school is a non-negotiable. In my house, if my kids are complaining about something school-related, they are likely complaining about other things. So I need to teach them not to complain. 

 

I know I am going to keep math and spelling. I am going to do a few more hands on things. The problem lies in what to do.

 

I want to foster the learning. I want them to say I want to learn this and/or that and then learn it. How do I do that? I feel like I am sucking the fun of learning out of my two youngest. My oldest is old enough (and ambitious enough) to do it on her own. She learns just because she likes to.

 

I think two things will be a huge help here: 1) a solid routine for your day; a rhythm that provides boundaries and what can be counted on and what to look forward to. 2) YOUR enjoyment of teaching and school. You've expressed that you are in a rut as well.  Kids so easily reflect what we're feeling or how we are responding.  So finding a good routine, things that you are excited about and things that will jazz your day are huge to getting your kids up and excited for the day. 

 

Do I gather in a circle every day? I have tried letting them learn what they want to but the quickly, like within a day, get bored. All my 12yo wants to do is play a game online. Something with tanks. I know there are people that will say he can learn from that but he can barely multiply and knows nothing of division. Some of that is my fault some of it is just avoiding it because he balks when I even think math.

 

Well, hello, of course he wants to play! Don't we all?   :)  But, there's way more satisfaction ultimately in working hard on something.  Talk to your dh and set some serious boundaries for online games or playstations.  Ours comes out only on Saturday morning.  No tv either.  

 

I have a very hard time keeping up with everything. I have tried schedule after schedule after schedule. Nothing works. No one in the house, but me, wants to do it. I am a left brained person in a house full of right brained people. I don't function that way. I need and want a schedule.

 

What about a routine rather than a schedule? And start simply.  It's drastic to go from no schedule to serious scheduling.  Work in blocks of time.  Schedule the most important studies in the first block - 8:30 - 11:30.  Break for lunch. After lunch, 1 - 2 hours o quiet time, reading time. Olders do literature study. 

 

I also don't have the energy to constantly battle with them over it. For instance, I told ds12 to sweep the kitchen. Twice. He grabs the broom and get distracted by his brother. I remind him again, he gets distracted by a bug and takes it outside so it doesn't die. Then stays outside and is now playing with his brother. Before you say ADD or whatever don't go there. If he can sit and play a game for hours he can sweep the flippin' kitchen.

 

Again, I think you're dealing with more of an obedience issue. Simple fix: chore chart posted on frig, kids up by x time, chores done by x time and school starts at 8:30. Period. And then you have to find a consequence that is simple to enforce and will mean something. We do $ fines or in bed earlier or an extra chore.  Now, if family life in general has been unstructured and there have been few consequences, then you and your dh will need to sit down with the kids, apologize for not following through with the family rules and tell them about the changes.  They may grump; they may groan.  Respond with a simple, positive "This will be good for our family." 

 

And then for about a week, you'll need to focus way more on character and obedience and responding with a pleasant "OK Mom" than academics. Academics will follow when there is a healthy family structure and atmosphere.

 

Another issue we have is heat. My Lord above it has been hot. I get hot easily. We have no A/C. I do not feel like battling school work in the heat of the day. By the time it cools I am tired and don't have the mental energy to battle school work. In the mornings I work. If I don't work in the mornings I won't get my hours in. I know myself enough that I won't work in the evenings. I am just to tired and just don't care by then.

 

You've gotten a great solution here! Yay solutions!

 

I have started exercising, which is supposed to be good for me but it kinda adding to the stress. I joined a gym and swim. I like the swimming, love the swimming. I hate the time it takes to go to the gym, swim, then come home. It is about 90 minutes. That is a lot of time 4 days a week out of my schedule.

 

Exercise is good; you don't want to lose that. Personally, I'd love to go to a gym. But I just do not have time with homeschooling and doing some work from home. So, I run or walk.  It's free (look, there's a road! Right in front of my house!) and it's quick. I can even put my youngers on bikes to go with me or run with my olders. So think about some alternatives that you can do OR look to go to the gym in off hours. Weekends or evenings. 

 

Something has to give. I have to work 20 hours a week. I need to school the kids. That takes roughly 15 hours a week. Plus everything else I try to do. I am worn thin and don't know what to do.

 

On top of that the hubs is constantly talking of moving. Always the talk of moving and "have you looked at rentals today?" and "If we are still here" whenever I want to do something that is a commitment. I have been hearing this for at least 6 years. That is a whole different can of worms though.

 

This probably leads to uncertainty and that would unsettle me as well. Either ask hubs to commit to time where you are OR if he can't do that, put this out of your mind. Work where you are right now and don't even get pulled into the what if's that may never happen. If a year from now, your dh wants to move, THEN deal with it. Don't deal with it everyday when it's not even happening now. Mind over matter. 

 

Ugh. I just needed to vent I guess.

 

This should be a safe place to vent where you can receive some honest, constructive help from those also in the trench alongside you! I think you've gotten that and I hope it gives you the boost you need to begin putting some structure in place to help your family/kids really succeed.

 

 

On a personal note, I will also add that when I am in a serious funk and need to rejuvenate my love for homeschooling, I like to get away by myself for the day or at least a half a day.  I go to my favorite coffee spot. I bring my yellow legal pad and I just start thinking/dreaming about my ideal homeschool.  What would I love to do? What do I want our days to look like? What do I want my kids to have before they graduate? 

 

I make a list of field trips or special studies or books to read aloud. I make a list for each child of weak areas that need to be shored up, of skills that need addressing and of personal/character issues I'd like to work on with them. 

 

I also renew my vision for homeschooling. Why did we decide to do this in the first place? What have I most loved about it and where are my kids succeeding? What do I need to tweak to move what's happening IRL toward the vision. Sometimes I have online videos or downloads that help me renew my vision or give me new ideas. I also think: If I could design my ideal school, what would it look like? What would the curriculum sequence be? I mean, I want to be an ideal school! There's always some disconnect between the ideal and what the days actually bear out, but dreaming and envisioning gives me the emotional energy I need to get in the trenches and do the hard stuff everyday. 

 

Hope this helps.

Lisa

[stutterfish]

"At 12, he should be doing pre-algebra not learning multiplication/division."

 

In my book there's no 'should' when it comes to a kid's learning :) . My ds(15) has only just started doing division. He did virtually no formal maths until this year (late reader, autonomous learner, maths loather...you get the picture). In an hour he's mastered what it took my 10 year old - a steady academic plodder - more than three months to get to grips with. Ds needs to pass a maths exam next year - a good motivator for both of us - so we'll essentially be covering grades k-10 in 12 months :) I have faith that it will work out, but if it doesn't then we'll come up with another plan. Education is a life-long process, there's not an 18 year cut-off date :)

 

Hugs to the OP. You sound tired and low :grouphug:  I hope you find a good balance that works for you and your family. Like others have suggested, maybe it's worth looking at rearranging your day, perhaps getting some of the educational stuff (child-led or parent-led) done first thing, even if it is just an hour of you spending time with them. This would mean a) you won't feel guilty about what you're *not* doing with the kids because you'll have already done *something* with them (I find guilt takes up valuable head-space, much less if I've 'ticked-the-box') and b ) if they've had some of your attention in the morning they're more likely to leave you alone long enough to get on with your work.  

 

Fwiw, I've got a little too used to my kids plugging in to games and gadgets when it's convenient for me - when I need to work or study or get some head-space -  so I know it's a hard habit to break. It's all about getting some sort of balance that works for you.

 

 

Perhaps you need to gently re-connect with why you chose to homeschool in the first place, fall in love with it again  :001_rolleyes:

 

Be kind to yourself :hat:  Good luck

 

[kiwik]

I don't know how they work but would an on line school provide an external structure that would help? Also with your work can you get up early and work 6.30 to 10.30 or something? That way your kids could start at 9.30 (after breakfast) with a couple of independant things (maybe you could find an on line course or a project if they can't read quietly for an hour) then you could join them for morning tea at 10.30 and go from there.

[happypamama]

For older kids, I'd have zero problem with telling them (and I have told mine this occasionally) that they can do their work for me or they can do it for the school down the street. Because that's the reality.

[laundrycrisis]

I have an 11.5 yo.  I am using Calvert for him...the main benefit for us is the online checkpoints.  They are hugely motivating to him.  As he completes checkpoints, their online gradebook creates a bar graph showing his progress through each course.  This visual is a wonder for us.  He can get work done and make those bars grow !  I also have him do it in a block schedule, not a daily schedule.  For example, we will pick a day for history - just the reading and the checkpoints - and he will plow through two weeks worth of history checkpoints in one day.  He is also motivated to get those questions right and keep his numbers up, so he has to read the chapter for information carefully, etc.  It may not be the way Calvert planned for these materials to be used, but he is learning and motivated this way.  I was not able to ever figure out a way to do structured work in anything but math before we finally tried Calvert.  I do not use the ATS.  He works somewhat independently so I can spend more time with the younger child.  The structured progression that is recorded somewhere helps him feel anchored in what he is working on. 

 

Our 2nd/3rd grade student is mostly using workbooks, and some writing in a spiral notebook.  When DS1 was younger, open and go workbooks were the easiest way for me to keep things moving forward.  I also have him watch Brainpop videos and read leveled books at ReadingA-Z.  But progression through the workbooks is tangible and helps with motivation. 

 

I've never had a highschool age student.  I think I would be inclined to sign up for the American School diploma program and tell the child to spend 3-4 hours a day working on one or two AS courses until the diploma is earned.  

 

As for timing - the earlier I get them up and working the better.  I push pretty hard in the early mornings.  Afternoons are for activities out of the house, or some days downtime, depending on how the morning went.  The latest I ever want to be working on anything is 2 pm.  I try to put off all household chores until after school is done because I do not multitask well, so by 2 I really need to get some housework done. 

[TianXiaXueXiao]

I think there is a solution and you will have to be brave enough to change your lifestyle in order to find it. One path that I would strongly recommend for you is Simplicity Parenting. The book is a good start, and I would encourage you to take classes or have one on one sessions with a trained consultant as well. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345507983?pc_redir=1409996540&robot_redir=1

 

I'm not connected to this program but I have seen it work wonders in my own life.