Repetitive Friend

[mommylawyer]

I have a friend who has a tendency to tell me the same stories multiple times.  The first couple of times, I didn't mind it.  Now, however, I'm starting to hear the same stories over and over.  They aren't tall tales - some are a little complementary of herself, some have a touch of self-deprecation.  I usually just smile and nod, but I'm beginning to think that I may need to throw in a brief yet kind statement like, "Yes, I remember you saying that before; that is so great!"  Nothing mean or hurtful; she is my good friend and I want her to remain my friend.  Is it rude for me to do that or should I just let her tell her stories?  Thoughts?

 

[NOTE:  A different, older friend once told me if you tell someone the same story more than twice either (1) you aren't paying attention to who your audience is or (2) your story isn't that important.  That resonates a bit in my mind regarding my repetitive friend.]

[Snickerdoodle]

I have one of those.   In addition to repetitive stories, I also hear entire life stories of people I don't even know.

 

I try to be very patient and kind about it.  Usually though, my mind wanders...

[ajfries]

ALL of my DH's family does this. All of them. They usually dominate conversations and don't allow anyone else to get a word in.  I usually say, "Yeah, you've told me that story." If they continue telling the story (and they are only talking to me, not a group of people) I usually interrupt them with my own story or change the subject (in other words, I match their rudeness). Once I just walked out of the room when my MIL did something like that. It wasn't just a story, it was a long rant that went back 20 years in her family history. She thought it was rude that I had left and I told her that was the least rude of the options that I had considered.

 

That turned into a rant, rather than advice. Sorry :blushing:

[ElaineJ]

Is she older? Is it possible that she is beginning to have memory issues? I don't think it would be rude to kindly say, "Oh yes, I remember you sharing about that!"

Elaine

[J-rap]

I know a few people like this too;  they are young or middle aged and healthy and really sweet people, but they tell the same stories over and over and over again.  It really baffles me.  Do they not remember?  Do they remember that they told me, but enjoy the story so much that they want to think about it all again (by telling me again)?  Do they maybe remember telling it, but don't remember that they told it to me?  Are they not thinking of me, their audience?  These people (in my life) are not selfish, self-centered people, although they have never struck me as the greatest listeners.  They always seem to be thinking ahead to what they are going to say instead of carefully listening.  (But I think that's more out of a lifelong habit, not because they are the type to only think about themselves.) 

 

Anyway, I don't have an answer.  But I have tried to figure out this same issue for a long time!  :)  Sometimes, I do say something like, "Oh yes, I remember that one!  That was great!" but they continue anyway. 

[VaKim]

I know quite a few people like that. Most family. Some of them do it out of habit, it seems. My mom does it because she talks to all her sisters, plus me and my sister, and her cousin and neighbor, etc. Then she doesn't remember who she told something to. Of course, this isn't the same as the ones who tell the exact same stories over and over for years.  :glare:

[momto10blessings]

My aunt does this all the time. I just smile and laugh then change the subject. A few times I was fed up and finished the end of the story for her.

[PrincessMommy]

I would probably interject "yeah, I you told me that before, it's a great story." and hope she gets the "hint".  Honestly, I hope it does work for you.   My dh does it all.the.time...and seems to think it's my fault that I don't want to hear it again...and again...and again. 

[naturemom]

I listen and nod and sometimes say that I remember that story, then they continue. I try to be patient and understanding because

I'm sure I do the same thing sometimes, too. My short term memory is spotty so sometimes I don't remember who I told what.

Sometimes I worry about something and I can't shut up about it. My friends are thankfully very patient and understanding.

[Slartibartfast]

Some of my old friends and I have agreement where we hold up our fingers with the number of times we had heard a certain story before.

 

:lol:

[Peaceful Isle]

I have a friend like that. I just nod and say , " I remember you told me that before, that's so neat!! " or whatever is appropriate. Most of the time, we both just smile and remember the time..after that. :)

 

I have also had my kids tell me, "mom, you've told me that before!" With eye rolling, and I just tell them to be nice to their mother and let me finish. Lol It's usually a story of cute things they used to say as babies, or the like. :)

 

I re tell my dh things a lot because he tends to tune me out when he is busy with stuff, so most likely it IS the first time he has actually "heard" it. :p

[Cosmos]

I think story-telling is a lost art. I remember sitting around with my grandparents and hearing my uncles say, "Hey Daddo, tell the story about the minister from Kansas again." They had heard the story many, many times, but it was still a delight to hear it again. My step-dad is one of those masters of story-telling. He puts in just the right pauses and just the right expressions, and the listeners will be on the floor laughing, no matter how many times they've heard it.

 

Unfortunately that skill seems a rarity these days. Very few of us seem to have the gift for telling a story that is worth hearing again. So I sympathize with the OP.

 

(On the other hand, I have a few good stories, and I'm going to keep telling them. They make me laugh even if the rest of you are bored stiff. :lol: )

 

I've encountered this recently with my mother. There are a few stories she tells that aren't flattering to me, and it makes me wonder why she keeps telling them. To me, of all people! As if I'll be delighted with the faults I had in childhood. But I just grin and bear it.

[MeghansMom]

Handle them how you would wish to be handled with your flaws.

We all have them. 

 

 

[myfunnybunch]

I think story-telling is a lost art. I remember sitting around with my grandparents and hearing my uncles say, "Hey Daddo, tell the story about the minister from Kansas again." They had heard the story many, many times, but it was still a delight to hear it again.

 

I remember sitting around listening to my parents and grandparents tell stories too, with their friends and other family. It was a lovely way to pass the time, and I know as a kid sitting by listening, I heard many of the same stories several times.

 

I don't really see people doing that so much any more. Maybe because that group had so many shared stories that the stories brought back memories for the listeners too?

 

Cat

 

[myfunnybunch]

 My mom does it because she talks to all her sisters, plus me and my sister, and her cousin and neighbor, etc. Then she doesn't remember who she told something to.

 

I think I do this. I see choir friends, family, church friends, regular ol' friends....I can't remember who I told what. So I may repeat something to someone, and I may not tell another someone because I think I already have.

 

A couple friends and I seem to be in the same boat. We'll often start a conversation/story with, "Hey, did I already tell you about.....?" More often than not, the listener (me or friend) will say, "Yes! How did it turn out?/That was so funny, did you ever find out why?/etc." and follow the story a little more. :)

 

Cat

 

[Excelsior! Academy]

I think I do this. I see choir friends, family, church friends, regular ol' friends....I can't remember who I told what. So I may repeat something to someone, and I may not tell another someone because I think I already have.

 

A couple friends and I seem to be in the same boat. We'll often start a conversation/story with, "Hey, did I already tell you about.....?" More often than not, the listener (me or friend) will say, "Yes! How did it turn out?/That was so funny, did you ever find out why?/etc." and follow the story a little more. :)

 

Cat

 

 

[Susan C.]

I'm like that... dh works at home, dd20 goes to local college, ds25 still at home... all in and out at different times, so I truly don't remember who I have told what. My life is constant interruption. I don't mind someone telling me I've told them that before, in fact it saves me the trouble of telling it again. And dh is one of those who tells long stories about people I don't know, usually when I am trying to conquer my day.... I don't think its memory issues, but overload, lol.

[Greta]

I usually just smile and nod, but I'm beginning to think that I may need to throw in a brief yet kind statement like, "Yes, I remember you saying that before; that is so great!" Nothing mean or hurtful; she is my good friend and I want her to remain my friend. Is it rude for me to do that or should I just let her tell her stories? Thoughts?

I don't think this is rude at all. In fact, as a tragically forgetful person myself who is at serious risk of being that repetitive friend, I would much rather you (gently, kindly, just as you've suggested here) tell me that I'm repeating myself. Otherwise, I'm likely to remember a day later that I had already told you that story, and then made you sit through it again, and that would feel much worse than the gentle reminder.

[LucyStoner]

My best friend does this. He's a great guy and not at all self centered or selfish. He's certainly not dealing with dementia. He just doesn't remember who all has heard which particular funny tidbit. He's always done this, and I met him when we were 13-14 years old. I usually just let it go or I say something like "oh yes, I LOVE this one!" He's a good storyteller. I don't mind hearing things more than once. Sometimes he stops himself and says "I think I told you guys this already".

[Tess in the Burbs]

well, I have caught myself telling someone a story again.  Simply b/c I had lunch with a friend and told them....but then I see another friend and start to tell them...and sometimes I ask if I have told them the story!  I don't always remember who I have told.  

 

I do think it's ok to say you have heard that story and move on.  I appreciate when my friends tell me I told that story.  

 

And what's worse is when a friend asks me if I heard their story and I say no...but then halfway through I do remember!  ahhh  

 

my brain has room for so much...and keeping track of stories isn't high priority.  so keep reminding her when she starts the same story :-)

[catz]

I don't think this is rude at all. In fact, as a tragically forgetful person myself who is at serious risk of being that repetitive friend, I would much rather you (gently, kindly, just as you've suggested here) tell me that I'm repeating myself. Otherwise, I'm likely to remember a day later that I had already told you that story, and then made you sit through it again, and that would feel much worse than the gentle reminder.

 

I totally agree with this.  I know I am at least occasionally guilty of this and wouldn't mind at all being reminded that I already relayed something.  In fact, I'd prefer it.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Here's what I do: When they start in on the story I will say something like "oh yeah, I think you mentioned that before but I don't remember what happened to (insert a small fact/person from the MIDDLE of the story)?" then quickly follow up with "that's right then...... happened." finish with the conclusion of their story for them.  I try to be upbeat and really friendly about it.  If in the end they get too offended then you may just have to let them know (kindly) that they have a tendency to tell the same stories, again and again.

 

 

[Zebra]

I am pretty sure I am your friend.

 

My dad used to do this all the time, and now he's dead and I wish he was around to repeat stories over and over and over again. 

 

So, in conclusion I am mostly likely a clone of the friend the OP mentioned....and did I mention my father used to repeat stories, but then he died.....

 

In all seriousness, some of us are not great with details.   Some of us like telling our stories and completely forgot that we already told you 15 times.

 

Sorry :).   Maybe distract her with a cupcake?  

[texasmama]

I fear I may be this person.

[Zebra]

I fear I may be this person.

I was going to post this same thing, but you beat me to it.........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like to repeat stories AND beat jokes to death :blushing: .

[Guest]

I fear I may be this person.

 

Me, too. I don't have a great memory and I really try hard not to be repetitive. I will generally not say something at all if I even have an inkling that I've told it to anyone, lol. OTOH, I have more than one friend like this, as well. Sometimes I'll just mention, oh yeah, you told me that, and sometimes they'll ask if they've already told me. Maybe my whole friends circle is just a little short in the memory department. :)

[Laurie4b]

I think sometimes people do that because something reminds them of the story. Those stories are key things in their lives somehow, or have gotten good results in conversation before (ie are funny or interesting), so that may be why there is an almost automatic prompt to the story. I don't think it's at all rude to remind your friend she's told you the story, tell her how it ends and that it is funny, interesting or whatever.

 

And to the question of does she not remember, the answer is she probably does not remember that she told you or she wouldn't do it again. Not everyone's brain records things in the same way. I wouldn't know who I've told which stories to; however, I will sometimes ask if I've told it before.

[Guest]

Some of my old friends and I have agreement where we hold up our fingers with the number of times we had heard a certain story before.

 

:lol:

 

My mom is such a good sport.  We have this agreement with the addendum that instead of holding up THREE fingers, we use our pointer finger to "slit our throats."  Mom just rolls her eyes and moves along to another topic.  :0)

[Guest]

One thing I have done that has usually been a good approach is to say, "Y'know, you've told me this story before--but I'd like to hear why this experience was so meaningful to you."  Two reasons this works:  If it's a good friendship, I will get to know my friend better.  And if it is just talking to fill dead air, it will generally shift the subject.  Not always.  :0)

 

[BlsdMama]

My dad's family is like that.

 

I love it. Absolutely NO sarcasm intended, I really do love it. As long as they are positive, cute, and not an excuse to dwell on past hurts, insults, or perceived injuries, I could listen to stories of my aunt's and uncles for hours. I've heard all the same stories a hundred times and I'd give my left arm to be able to hear my grandma tell them all again.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Ugh. I do it.

 

I'm totally not self-centered -- I'm absent-minded. Seriously, almost scarily, absent-minded. I try to always tell the truth because I can never remember to whom I told what.

 

I'm not stupid so I do recognize the pained look on the person's face (especially for my recycled jokes), so I would rather be gently interrupted and told I'm doing it again than to sit around boring everybody.

[texasmama]

Ugh. I do it.

 

I'm totally not self-centered -- I'm absent-minded. Seriously, almost scarily, absent-minded. I try to always tell the truth because I can never remember to whom I told what.

 

I'm not stupid so I do recognize the pained look on the person's face (especially for my recycled jokes), so I would rather be gently interrupted and told I'm doing it again than to sit around boring everybody.

This exactly.

 

This thread has made me examine my story telling habits. This is what I came up with:

 

I have a very busy life with a lot of moving parts and a lot of people in it. I sometimes tell my stories in my head so they seem familiar to me for this reason. I may well tell the same story twice to one person on my list and skip the next person entirely. That is how I roll. I am nice and funny so I don't seem to drive people away with it. It is completely unintentional. My best friend of 25 years will say,"yeah, you told me about that!" It really is a kindness.

 

Also, I am an extrovert and so I have a lot of words I need to say to a lot of people. It's part of my charm. :D

[ElizabethB]

I can't remember who I tell what, either. I don't mind a gentle reminder.

 

My children LOVE stories of their childhood or my childhood or funny stories from before they were born. ☺ï¸ðŸ˜

 

I sometimes get tired of telling the stories, but they (the children) are cute and most of the stories are pretty short, so I comply when they request stories.

[Jaybee]

My mom and my in-laws do this. I have started doing it too. :( I have a large family, and do not remember who knows what particular story. I see friends' and family's reaction, and it makes me sad. I fear I will continue to get worse and worse at this, as has my mom. It helps me be more patient with her. I hope my kids will be patient with me. I don't want to be boring. But I still want to share the things that have shaped me and are still shaping me. I hope that I will slow down on the double (triple, quadruple) sharing of stories, and be able to share new experiences, but it is hard.