I'm not much, but I'm all I think about . . .

[Amy in Orlando]

I have a dear friend that has always said this (she insists she wants this engraved on her headstone someday lol) and I've always found it true, but never more true than recently.

 

We started school yesterday. This year I have one 10th grader, two ninth graders and a third grader. With the older boys, I sat down this afternoon to discuss their options for high school and also to talk about what they wanted to achieve.

 

WOW - I always knew my kids were a bit different. (No, not in the scary - ugh, he's-homeschooled-and-weird-and-I-don't-want-to-sit-by-him kind of way) But, gahhh, it's becoming all to clear to me that this "homeschooling thing" IS about them, not me. They're making choices (good ones, imo) for themselves. I know this is the goal, but I simply cannot believe we're this close to finishing.

 

I will be forever grateful to the mom I met 15 years ago when Ian and Tim were newborns and Danny was 14 months-old. She "dared" me to take one of the twins out shopping or something and NOT mention to a soul who commented on my beautiful baby about the other two babies at home. I remember laughing at her challenge, but when I did it, it WAS A challenge. And, for me it was a HUGE wake up call that the whole parenting thing (I'd never heard of homeschooling at this point) was NOT about me - AT ALL. I WANTED people to know I had two more at home who were still in diapers. I wanted people to know how tired I was and how much I was doing. But, the exercise of taking just one boy out really opened my eyes.

 

People do not care what YOU are doing. Even if it's hard. Even if you have no help. That's not to say you shouldn't seek help, just recognize that most people don't give it a second thought. I guess for some people this is normal behavior. For me, it wasn't. I WANTED everyone to know how hard I was working and how hard it was to have three in diapers and how hard it was in general ... truth is, most people don't care.

 

I admit that the years my oldest and the twins were in public school were WONDERFUL for me personally. They weren't learning much, but just that break from the constant chatter and nagging and bickering was AMAZING. (And, I'd still never heard of or considered homeschooling) I am so happy to have learned about homeschooling and I'm so happy that we gave it a try and it worked, but I would not trade those two years of the boys in public school. For two years, I had a clean house, I had a quiet house and when I was pregnant with my youngest, I had nearly unlimited nap time.

 

Today, sitting and talking with my "bigs" was another wake up call. (they are on the verge of the following ages: 16, 15, and 15 - twins, my younger guy is 8) It's STILL not about me! This whole journey is for and about them. It's not about me being able to muscle them through "x" cirriculum. It's about them being able to function in the real world as independent adults.

 

I'm posting this for the moms of young kids and tweens. It's not about you. Think about your kids in 15-20 years - no one is going to care what grammar program you used or if they know Latin. I'm so very guilty of making it about me in the past.

 

They are people. Not trophies to be displayed. Not party tricks. Just people who are short and need some guidance. Just because one thing works for one kid doesn't mean it will work for another. A kid who can't spell his way out of a paper bag when he's 10, might just blow you away with a research paper he writes at 14 (ask me!).

 

Anyway, this thought struck me so strongly today while I sat there with three man-sized people! It sneaks up on me that they are so grown! (we started homeschooling in grades 2-3) When I look back, my expectations were insane. And, they made us insane. I wish I could take so much of it back and have a do-over

 

My 8 yr-old, third-grader, is benefiting from my experience. Until now, his "school" has been very loose. Math, some handwriting and lots of reading out loud. This year, I bumped him up to a WTM type of schedule and he's fine with it. Not a peep or grumble. I'm so glad to have waited a bit. His reading is fluent, his math is eh/ok (like his brothers and all of them will finish Calculus by 11th grade) and his non-existent Latin is great! Appears he's picked up much just listening to his brothers.

 

I think some of the "old" moms might agree with me. If nothing else, it's food for thought for the "young" moms. It's not a race. How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.

[battlemaiden]

I'm heavy into planning today and my head is starting to spin in circles. I'm always so thankful when veterans like you and others post things like this.

 

Having so many school kids (particularly preschoolers and kindergarteners) in the neighborhood now, I have been feeling unusual pressure to "hang" with their scope and sequence. My neighbor across the street offered me her early childhood curriculum stuff last night. Um....thanks?

 

The odd thing is my neighbors are also pulling their kids out of school left and right and homeschooling them- but many/most are using completely online packages. It just looks so gosh darn easy for them. Maybe I'm just having planning-envy as I sit here trying to individualize my older four children's course of study this year.

 

You are right. It is about them. Thanks amy.

 

Jo

[gardenschooler]

A kid who can't spell his way out of a paper bag when he's 10, might just blow you away with a research paper he writes at 14 (ask me!).

 

How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.

 

I've seen this with my own eyes. Amazing, isn't it? And where did they learn this? Did shoving every spelling, writing, and vocabulary program down their throat do it? Nope. They just needed a little time.

 

My youngest has benefited from me being a good bit more in tune with her, and not so set on 'the way it's supposed to be.' It's really helped her shine, and she has confidence in herself in ways that I don't think she would have if I'd stressed her out over every little thing.

 

It's STILL not about me! This whole journey is for and about them. It's not about me being able to muscle them through "x" curriculum. It's about them being able to function in the real world as independent adults.

 

Oh, this is still very, very hard for me. I needed to hear this, I really did. I also need to hear more about what you're doing as far as giving your boys choices in their path. I'm afraid I haven't done too much of that, but I'm feeling dd wants to be more independent, have some control over her own life, you know?

 

I know this is the goal, but I simply cannot believe we're this close to finishing.

 

I can't believe it, either. I thought it would take longer, somehow. It feels like it's only been a few years.

 

That's now three times in two days you guys have made me cry. That's a record. Thanks for this post, Amy.

[Sparkle]

Beautiful words! I'm not quite as far along as you, but your words definitely ring true.

 

My kids have not always been the most diligent or brilliant, but they are so funny and neat to be around. The other day, my two oldest, along with their 2 cousins, published their own "newspaper". It was the most hilarious, creative thing I ever read.

 

Yes, I still worry that my kids will never pass algebra, let alone calculus, but I know they're going to be fine. I see them constantly learning and growing and developing their talents, so somebody must be doing something right :)

 

Thanks for giving me a peek into the future, Amy.

[8filltheheart]

It is remiscient of the thread about what did you believe about parenting before you had kids.

 

I would suspect that the majority of seasoned homeschooling moms could list the equivalent in their homeschooling experience. My younger children are blessed by the growth in me that occurred in homeschooling my oldest.

 

I had to learn to not make school such an overwhelming force in our home that my view of our days as a family were dependent on what type of school day we had. First and foremost, we are a family. So if our school day was horrible and the kids were thick-headed and didn't love the lesson I insisted that they should have ;), I had to learn to let it go and gather my MOM enthusiasm and still play a game as a family that night with good humor.

 

I had to learn that just because I think they are amazing in an area, they simply may not like that subject and have their very own views of what types of careers they might want to pursue.

 

Most of all, I had to learn to let them thrive where they are vs. looking forward to my future plans and goals for them or worrying about what other people thought. Little ones are little ones for such a short time. I don't care if people think I am wrong that my 4 yr olds don't know their letters. They will one day when it matters. I don't care how my child compares to other peoples kids or schools. I want to provide them with the best skills for them while still giving them time to thrive in being a kid and exploring interests. THose interests might be what inspires them. (I am definitely seeing that from Civil Air Patrol and our 14 yod who is very serious about wanting to become a pilot)

 

It is sort of like thinking that you have great parenting skills b/c you have great kids and then you are blessed with the child whose will is stronger than titanium and you realize that it wasn't you at all, you just had compliant kids. You think that you have been such a great teacher b/c your kids know x,y,z and you taught them. Then you are humbled b/c they are smarter than you and ahead of you skill-wise and they keep going forward and leave you in the dust. Ummmmm.......maybe it wasn't you after all. ;)

 

But I have to say that.....you almost talked me out of homeschooling with the being house clean and unlimited naptime!!

[scubamama]

As a mom of littles at the "starting line of homeschooling" THANK YOU!!!! This was just what I needed to hear today! We're going to start 1st grade on Monday and I was getting all crazy trying to plan and worrying about how I'll keep the 3yo and 1yo out of trouble while I work with my oldest...Thanks for reminding me of the big picture. Hmmm...maybe I should print it and stick it to my fridge so I can review? :)

 

Michele

[percytruffle]

I think some of the "old" moms might agree with me. If nothing else, it's food for thought for the "young" moms. It's not a race. How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.

 

 

An "old" mom here, agreeing with Amy. It is so not about me this morning as I sit here watching dd and ds stash their books and homework into backpacks in preparation for their cc classes. They are their own persons, with their own goals, their own abilities, and yes, their own limitations.

 

My ds may never take calculus. He is dyslexic and math is not his thing. So what. He is a hard worker and a good person. He is placed correctly into College Math II. So what if I finished through calc II even though I was an art student and didn't need the math. So what if dh is an engineer and completed plenty of higher level math. Ds is not us. It is not about us. He has truly done great things going from the bottom 10% of his ps class in 3rd grade to taking college courses his senior year in high school. It is all about him and what he can do and what he has accomplished.

 

I also had those early years of peace (except the stress over how ds was doing in ps) when they were in ps and we hadn't begun our hs journey yet. Time surely does fly. Hug them lots. Sit on the couch and snuggle. Being a mom is never about "me", and being a homeschool mom doesn't change that.

[Doran]

[snip...]

 

I think some of the "old" moms might agree with me. If nothing else, it's food for thought for the "young" moms. It's not a race. How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.

 

 

All I need to add is

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I've been having those "look at the future" talks with my 15yo. Amazing what a difference there is in a child from Junior to Senior high age. He has changed his mind about not going to a 4year college, now he is getting really excited about going Air Force ROTC. As we talk about options I look at him and think about the shy, quiet child he was.

 

I have graduated 2, one is now in New England with her husband and child, one will be dropped of at his college on Friday. One has his sights on the future. Two left who still cling to me. The 4yo laughed the other day and said, "Mommy, what will you do when we are all gone?" What indeed.

[jacqui in mo]

Lovely post Amy! I'd add that it's not so much that people don't care, but they're too busy thinking about how hard it is for themselves. Thanks for the reminder to " Think about your kids in 15-20 years". That in itself is a wake up call. Jacqui

[Lizzie in Ma]

I have so appreciated your posts and your blog over the years. They make me feel not so alone. :D

My 2nd grader is certainly benefiting from all I have learned with our 7th grader.

I was so gung ho, so WTM that I drove us both insane for several years. Then I played the curriculum hop, and it is only the last 3 years that we have remotely settled into a nice routine, and now she is going into middle school and I started panicking all over again.

I did sit down with her at last and she wants to be a nurse. Not just any nurse, a pediatric nurse. And she had many very good solid ideas on just how to accomplish this. And it strangely didn't matter that her language arts skills are thought the ceiling and her Latin is still weak after all these years.

All my carefully thought out choices for curriculum and my agonizing over her dawdling and her test scores and my sleepless nights have very little to do with the wonderful person she is turning out to be.

In fact, I think she has turned out well rather in spite of me rather than because of anything I have done. I am proud of her. And we are both surviving.

[Christine]

It's not about you.

 

This was such an excellent post! You wrote it so eloquently.

 

It is something that I learned a number of years ago; but that each and every year (especially during planning), I have to very firmly remind myself about. (It's extremely difficult!)

 

I know a number of homeschooling parents that have their 10 year old's career planned out and all the courses that they teach them are "routed" that way. They say it's "for" their children. . . I wish I could show them your post. (Sadly, I don't think they'd "hear" the message though.)

[Tammyla]

Beautiful post, Amy. :iagree:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Thank you so much. As another "old" mom (as in having been homeschooling for over 10 years), I really needed to hear this. Now I am going to get off this dagnabbit computer and go hug my kids.

[Kelli in TN]

Yes! For me it meant I was always the leader of everything we did. I was the4H leader, I was coordinating this or that, I was a teacher at church. Because it's me, right? Who wouldn't want me to be in charge? Right?

 

Meanwhile the kids got the leftovers of me. They did not get a mom who was truly engaged with them.

 

 

I am so over that, I would far rather engage with my own kids than try to convince the rest of the world that I am "all that".

[cin]

Thank You So Much!!

 

How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.

 

This quote set my heart at ease. My younger is starting 2nd grade, well, started, yesterday. She LOVES to learn, except for math. I was trying to be relaxed, and not push, which is what so many moms say, and what I wanted. But I have a, um, different child. She devours books. She LOVES learning. One of her friends is learning Latin, so she wanted to learn Latin. She loves puzzles. And, the hardest thing for me...She LOVES workbooks/textbooks. She works on her own. Getting her stuff together this year was a challenge for me, because the relaxed way doesn't work. Ambleside and Charlotte Mason would fail. But I am letting HER set the pace. She wants to push and move fast, so that's what I'm doing. *I* am not pushing her, SHE is pushing herself.

 

When she gets within 25 pages of finishing a book, she will sit down and do the rest. In an hour. Grammar. Math. Reading. So, you have given me peace about doing TOO MUCH with my 2nd grader. It is not ME. It is HER. I just sit back and enjoy the ride.

 

The only subjects I 'insist' on are reading Math, History and Science. SHE wants grammar, logic, thinking skills, Latin, geography, and everything else. And she is usually done in 2 hours, so I figure it's not too much.

 

Thank You!!!!! For freeing me from that guilt of 'too much'. It really is HER pace. It's what SHE wants. My daughter may be a freak :D But she's MY precious freak, and as her mom, I will gently lead her down the path SHE wants to go.

 

Now, my pre-schooler....she's a whole different story. :001_huh: But I will gently lead her down her own path. (If I don't kill her first! :willy_nilly:)

[shalom22]

Such a lovely post, I think that I will print it out and put it up on my fridge.

 

My mom always told us that her goal was not to just raise kids, but to bring up adults that she could enjoy in her old age. I think that she did quite well, all three of us are completely different and are very strong in character and personality. We were a product of ps, but the relationship that we had with our parents is what really developed our person. That said, I think that being hs is extremely important, but it is the actual relationship that we have with our dc's that molds them into the adults that we all hope to see.

[AuntieM]

I was struck by all you said, but I have to tell you that the line about sitting there with MAN-SIZED people... that's where I join you in awe of my sons. Oh my goodness, they're really going to be totally in charge of their own lives one day!!! And making decisions about schooling has been a starting point for my oldest. He is a freshman this year, so I influenced him a lot, but beginning next year most of the choices will be his.

 

I've been home schooling for 10 years now, and it was really only in the last three that I became seriously aware (to the point of easing off in some areas) that they were not interested in all the same things I am interested in! Now really, I shoulda known that all along... somehow it just didn't register!

 

For you "younger" moms, I just want to add something that helped me tremendously as I went through the maze of lesson planning all those subjects for all my kids. I did not think this one up on my own, it came from the gal who wrote about Charlotte Mason method (not Karen Andreola, the other one, I can picture her face but her name escapes me). She stated that the kids are perfectly capable of connecting the dots between subjects, that we do not have to kill ourselves making all of our subjects dovetail perfectly with one another. If we get to a certain read-aloud before or after the history lesson on it, it's okay, the kids can still put the pieces together. After reading that, I let go and began to REALLY enjoy seeing those lights bulbs start flashing when the kids realized connections on their own. (I know that this tidbit is not nearly as profound as what Amy wrote - thanks again, Amy! - but it seemed like a good place to share it, with many of you still working on lesson plans for the upcoming year.)

[Jennifer3141]

Thank you so much, Amy.

 

Jen

[DB in NJ]

Awesome post!!! I'm printing it out. Thank you for the reminder; I needed it today!

 

I tried to rep you, but I'm out for the day :( I'll getcha later.

[Sahamamama]

I will be forever grateful to the mom I met 15 years ago when Ian and Tim were newborns and Danny was 14 months-old. She "dared" me to take one of the twins out shopping or something and NOT mention to a soul who commented on my beautiful baby about the other two babies at home. I remember laughing at her challenge, but when I did it, it WAS A challenge.

 

Ouch, Amy! Do you have a spy camera set up in my house? You know where I'm at NOW, even though it's been years since you were in these shoes. Yes, I do often take out my oldest (3.5 years old) daughter, while my husband or my mother watches the twins (1.5 years old). It IS hard, when people stop to tell me how beautiful she is, not to pipe up and say, "AND we have TWO MORE at home, twins who are 1.5 years old." Part of me wants to say this just to include them, because I am happy to have these children in my life. But, if I'm honest, part of me wants people to know how busy I am with three little ones! You are so right, it's not about the pat on the back that I want to get as a mother, and I need that reminder right now. Thanks for the kick in the pants (when what I really wanted was a pat on the back, baaaaaahwwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh). :nopity:

[johnandtinagilbert]

What a beautifully timed post. Oldest dd shaved her legs this week and oldest ds is growing that "big nose" teenagers get during puberty. I am crushed and avoiding planning b/c I don't want to start school b/c I would like to stop time. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. Even old timers (hsing the 9th year) need those beautiful reminders of ourselves, but mostly of our true purpose...it is about them. YOU ROCK!

[Krista in LA]

Thanks so much for this post Amy. I think I might need to re-read it as a reminder every once in awhile.

[Elaine]

 

 

People do not care what YOU are doing. Even if it's hard. Even if you have no help. That's not to say you shouldn't seek help, just recognize that most people don't give it a second thought. I guess for some people this is normal behavior. For me, it wasn't. I WANTED everyone to know how hard I was working and how hard it was to have three in diapers and how hard it was in general ... truth is, most people don't care.

 

 

I'm posting this for the moms of young kids and tweens. It's not about you. Think about your kids in 15-20 years - no one is going to care what grammar program you used or if they know Latin. I'm so very guilty of making it about me in the past.

 

 

They are people. Not trophies to be displayed. Not party tricks. Just people who are short and need some guidance. Just because one thing works for one kid doesn't mean it will work for another. A kid who can't spell his way out of a paper bag when he's 10, might just blow you away with a research paper he writes at 14 (ask me!).

 

 

Anyway, this thought struck me so strongly today while I sat there with three man-sized people! It sneaks up on me that they are so grown! (we started homeschooling in grades 2-3) When I look back, my expectations were insane. And, they made us insane. I wish I could take so much of it back and have a do-over

 

 

 

I think some of the "old" moms might agree with me. If nothing else, it's food for thought for the "young" moms. It's not a race. How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.

 

 

Amy,

Thank-you so much for sharing this, it is just what I needed today.

 

 

Today is one of those days where I want everyone to know just how hard my life is and how no one has it harder than me. It's not about me, you're absolutely right.

 

I have tears streaming down my face as I type. It's actually a good thing, so thank-you.

[~Tara~]

Good post. Wise words. Thank you Amy, for sharing your experience, your insight, your a-ha (or 'duh' as the case may be) moments. This is indeed something to keep in mind. :)

[JennifersLost]

What a beautiful post, Amy. I still can't get this through my head. I still can't figure out the boundaries between my kids and me.

 

And I'm such a dummy that I spend so much time looking for friends outside my family, when my children are dying for me to spend a little more time with them. Pretty soon it's going to be the other way around.

 

Gah!

[RegularMom]

What a great post.

 

I will take this as permission to stop worrying about how to do this "right", and just enjoy the process, my kids, and the time we spend together.

 

Thanks.

[ncmomo3]

I'm posting this for the moms of young kids and tweens. It's not about you. Think about your kids in 15-20 years - no one is going to care what grammar program you used or if they know Latin. I'm so very guilty of making it about me in the past.

 

They are people. Not trophies to be displayed. Not party tricks. Just people who are short and need some guidance. Just because one thing works for one kid doesn't mean it will work for another. A kid who can't spell his way out of a paper bag when he's 10, might just blow you away with a research paper he writes at 14 (ask me!).

 

 

 

Thank you for the post- the whole thing. Those 2 paragraphs in particular resonated with me because it has taken me 4 full years of hs'ing to come to that realization.

[milovany]

I want to hear more details about your meeting with your older sons!! :)

 

I have a 14yo who would be going into 9th grade were he in school. We've been very relaxed in our "table time" but I'm wondering about "high school" now. I've been looking at a certain group's high school program and thought about following it but your post made me think, "Hunh. I wonder what ds himself would say and want to do." And I want to ask!

 

But I'm also curious about what *your* sons said. Care to share?

[cin]

Thank you for the post- the whole thing. Those 2 paragraphs in particular resonated with me because it has taken me 4 full years of hs'ing to come to that realization.

 

Yeah, me too. That part about them not being trophies...That's a hard one because I'm so 'wonderful' and 'sweet' to have adopted 2 Asian Children :rolleyes: I don't necessarily bring it on myself, but it sure helps me puff myself up. I need to be brought down to reality, not that cleaning a bare bottom doens't do that....:D But yeah, I didn't do it out of the goodness of my heart, I did it because WE wanted children. Um, yeah, for me. But I needed to become humble and selfless. And I knew I was at a point where life was BORING. And there was no more growth. Wow, I'm really rambling about this. You've got my brain creaking today girl!

[Amy loves Bud]

Amy, you rock. Thanks for posting this and encouraging those of us with youngers. (I won't say "younger mothers" because as much as I'd like it to be, I know it's not true in my case :D)

[NevadaRabbit]

I think some of the "old" moms might agree with me. If nothing else, it's food for thought for the "young" moms. It's not a race. How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.

 

There's not a smilie who is sitting back with a Diet Coke, soaking up the wisdom. But pretend there is. :001_smile:

[Amy in Orlando]

:tongue_smilie:Whew - I'm so happy you all read this post in the spirit I originally wrote it. I climbed into bed last night and feel asleep chastising myself for not even having adult children and putting up such a smug post. That wasn't my intention and I am glad no one read more into it than was there.

 

For those of you curious about what we talked about during our meeting yesterday (me and the older boys) ... My oldest, who is a starting sophomore according to the state of Florida (his b-day is 9/4 and the FL cut-off is 9/1), wants to graduate early, travel for a year and then go to college. I want to go with him, but he didn't sound all that enthusiastic. :tongue_smilie: We sat down and went through his studies. He could graduate tomorrow - no problem. We agreed on at LEAST one more year, hopefully two. He'll take the SAT this year and we'll see where he stands. My twins were drawn into the discussion (small house, big ears).

 

We talked about what you need to 'live" in the world and what you need to 'succeed' and how there are no guarantees, but (my but) why not be prepared for the worst? We talked about all the ways to get through high school and how to set future goals. They're all so different. But it got them all thinking. It's so hard to keep myself out of the discussion, kwim? I have one that would do very well in a military academy setting (he wouldn't love it, but he would do well), I have a true artist that just needs to know the accounting skills and common sense (anyone know how to teach this?) to be sure he's making a real living, and I have one who could be anything - President, magician, comdedian, felon ... who knows...

 

I think that was the first of many talks we'll be having over the course of this year. At the very least, it got them thinking.

[Colleen]

If you haven't yet shared this on the K-8 board, I hope you do so. I honestly get worried when I read posts over there from mothers of little people, spending gobs of time trying to find the perfect science curriculum (or whatever). It's easy to convince ourselves that we're doing it all for them when in reality we've placed ourselves on center stage. Good post, good reminder.

[gandpsmommy]

I really needed to hear it.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I think that was the first of many talks we'll be having over the course of this year. At the very least, it got them thinking.

 

Nickel and Dimed is a book I'm having my big kids read this year. (There's a teacher's guide at the hyperlink.)

[Jumping In Puddles]

Thanks for this post Amy. I am wiping away the tears.

 

I want to do the right things for my kids and not have it be about me.

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

Love the post! These are ideas on my mind as well!:iagree:

[melmac]

Thank you for this, great food for thought. :)

 

I have a dear friend that has always said this (she insists she wants this engraved on her headstone someday lol) and I've always found it true, but never more true than recently.

 

We started school yesterday. This year I have one 10th grader, two ninth graders and a third grader. With the older boys, I sat down this afternoon to discuss their options for high school and also to talk about what they wanted to achieve.

 

WOW - I always knew my kids were a bit different. (No, not in the scary - ugh, he's-homeschooled-and-weird-and-I-don't-want-to-sit-by-him kind of way) But, gahhh, it's becoming all to clear to me that this "homeschooling thing" IS about them, not me. They're making choices (good ones, imo) for themselves. I know this is the goal, but I simply cannot believe we're this close to finishing.

 

I will be forever grateful to the mom I met 15 years ago when Ian and Tim were newborns and Danny was 14 months-old. She "dared" me to take one of the twins out shopping or something and NOT mention to a soul who commented on my beautiful baby about the other two babies at home. I remember laughing at her challenge, but when I did it, it WAS A challenge. And, for me it was a HUGE wake up call that the whole parenting thing (I'd never heard of homeschooling at this point) was NOT about me - AT ALL. I WANTED people to know I had two more at home who were still in diapers. I wanted people to know how tired I was and how much I was doing. But, the exercise of taking just one boy out really opened my eyes.

 

People do not care what YOU are doing. Even if it's hard. Even if you have no help. That's not to say you shouldn't seek help, just recognize that most people don't give it a second thought. I guess for some people this is normal behavior. For me, it wasn't. I WANTED everyone to know how hard I was working and how hard it was to have three in diapers and how hard it was in general ... truth is, most people don't care.

 

I admit that the years my oldest and the twins were in public school were WONDERFUL for me personally. They weren't learning much, but just that break from the constant chatter and nagging and bickering was AMAZING. (And, I'd still never heard of or considered homeschooling) I am so happy to have learned about homeschooling and I'm so happy that we gave it a try and it worked, but I would not trade those two years of the boys in public school. For two years, I had a clean house, I had a quiet house and when I was pregnant with my youngest, I had nearly unlimited nap time.

 

Today, sitting and talking with my "bigs" was another wake up call. (they are on the verge of the following ages: 16, 15, and 15 - twins, my younger guy is 8) It's STILL not about me! This whole journey is for and about them. It's not about me being able to muscle them through "x" cirriculum. It's about them being able to function in the real world as independent adults.

 

I'm posting this for the moms of young kids and tweens. It's not about you. Think about your kids in 15-20 years - no one is going to care what grammar program you used or if they know Latin. I'm so very guilty of making it about me in the past.

 

They are people. Not trophies to be displayed. Not party tricks. Just people who are short and need some guidance. Just because one thing works for one kid doesn't mean it will work for another. A kid who can't spell his way out of a paper bag when he's 10, might just blow you away with a research paper he writes at 14 (ask me!).

 

Anyway, this thought struck me so strongly today while I sat there with three man-sized people! It sneaks up on me that they are so grown! (we started homeschooling in grades 2-3) When I look back, my expectations were insane. And, they made us insane. I wish I could take so much of it back and have a do-over

 

My 8 yr-old, third-grader, is benefiting from my experience. Until now, his "school" has been very loose. Math, some handwriting and lots of reading out loud. This year, I bumped him up to a WTM type of schedule and he's fine with it. Not a peep or grumble. I'm so glad to have waited a bit. His reading is fluent, his math is eh/ok (like his brothers and all of them will finish Calculus by 11th grade) and his non-existent Latin is great! Appears he's picked up much just listening to his brothers.

 

I think some of the "old" moms might agree with me. If nothing else, it's food for thought for the "young" moms. It's not a race. How your children learn is how they learn. It's not a direct reflection on you - REALLY! Let them set the pace and save yourself a few headaches. And, It seems like 10 minutes ago I was in your place. It goes so fast.