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My dd just lost a friend in a car accident


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My 21 daughter lost a friend last night. He was 22 and died in a car accident. He was one if her first friends when she transferred to high school as a sophomore. They were friends all through high school and they dated the summer after her sophomore year of college. He was her first boyfriend. Even though they parted ways she is devastated especially since she just lost a close friend to cancer last month. Prayers would be appreciated.

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It is so hard to see our kids lose someone close to them, and knowing there isn't a thing we can do to change it. :(  Praying for her peace of mind, and for the friend's family.

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Thanks for the prayers. I'm so sorry Kari.

 

How do I help dd grieve? She feels like it is all a bad dream. She wants to cry it out but except for her initial reaction tears won't come. She feels numb.

Just let her know whatever she is feeling is the right thing. You feel like you are going crazy. My son's friends had different reactions, different ways of coping and not coping. His funeral was 4 days before one of his best friends graduated at the homeschool convention. I did not attend, but many of his friends were there together and they just held each other together the best they could. many of his friends spoke at his funeral and were crying, etc. His closest and longest friend could not speak. He just kept holding on to me for days. He had an emotional breakdown in the months that followed. All sorts of issues with all sorts of things. He didn't cry until I came back to Florida 4 months later and handed out hoodies and shirts to all his friends. He took off and I found him in a bingo parking lot and he finally just sobbed in my arms.

 

There is no right way to grieve. It just takes time, patience, understanding and love. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Thank you for your reply Kari. It really means a lot to me. It's just so difficult not being able to help her. To make matters worse she is leaving one week from tomorrow for the Disney college program. She has always wanted to do this and has really been looking forward to it. I'm so worried about how she is going to be able to cope over 1000 miles from home. Of course right now she can't even think about it but somehow she needs to be ready to go in one week. I know if she backs out she will regret it forever. It truly is a dream come true for her.

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I lost my best friend to a car accident when I was 22.  I still miss him to this day, and it was 20 years ago.

 

I remember that several things helped me through.  First, was being around other people who loved him.  People who don't know the deceased tend to not know what to do, so they say nothing.  They try to avoid bringing the person up because they think it will "remind" their loved ones, but their friends don't need reminding.  The person is always there.

 

The next thing that helped me, and this sounds conter-intuitive to the first thing I said, was to just let me be.  I didn't want people forcing me to talk about it if I didn't want to.  I needed to be alone sometimes and that was ok, too, so I didn't want people to worry.  I really wanted people to be there for me, but let me take the lead.

 

Finally, I needed to live my life.  Going back to work helped (I'd taken some time off because I lived in a different state than where he did), going home, continuing with my day-to-day, getting back into my normal routine....those were the things that helped me through the worst of it and precipitated the healing process.

 

She'll be ok.  Just be there for her.  

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