Please share your 'we were broke, but had a great Christmas' stories

[learning2gether]

First I want to make it clear that I am not asking anyone to help us out.  I wanted to get that out of the way because I visit a couple of forums where people are complaining about scammers coming on asking for help with Christmas.

 

Our family usually just barely makes ends meet, but we always eek out a good Christmas.  This year we had planned to go to Myrtle Beach with another family as the kids big gift and to just buy them a few things each.  Due to an emergency medical situation with my husband we are suddenly in a place where we can't do either.  We have purchased 1 nice gift for one of our daughters  and a small gift for another daughter, but that's it.  Our family usually donates to other families during Christmas and the crazy thing is we even picked 2 angels from the tree at church and purchased for them a couple weeks ago.  A couple years ago we sent some items to a couple families from here and another forum I visit.  We love giving and my girls look forward shopping for other kids each year. 

 

I know that it will work out and that the girls won't be scarred for life, but I am still really down about it.  I was hoping that some of you would share your been there done that stories.  I am hoping that it will make me feel a little better and help me get back into the Christmas spirit.  I haven't even told the girls yet, and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that.

[ChristineP]

I would probably try to make it even between the girls and look for more experience stuff.  Maybe a coupon book for future things to do.  Fun free things they like.  Redbox movie night.  Breakfast for dinner.  Just ideas...

 

[Mergath]

I'm sorry.  :grouphug:   It's really hard when you're broke over the holidays.  We were in that situation when dd was one or two, I can't remember exactly which year it was, but I just did the best I could.  We still made hot cocoa on Christmas Eve, we watched a Christmas movie, did as much as we could with the resources we had.  Thankfully, dd was still too little to really know that the presents that year sucked.  If your kids are older, I imagine that would make it harder.

 

You could always use this year as an opportunity to start new Christmas traditions.  Bake something special, go on a Christmas walk, stuff like that.  Fill up the day with so much fun stuff that the presents are just one of many things, instead of the main event. :)

 

 

[OrganicAnn]

I think the key is to be honest with them.   We spent one Christmas in a foreign country.  We didn't have all the trappings of Christimas - ornaments for a Christmas tree, etc.   We all put our heads together and made it a good Christmas.  

 

Honestly do you remember every gift you received as a kid or do you remember baking cookies, going caroling, spending time together. 

[justme824]

Hugs!

 

I second the coupon book idea. I gifted this to my then 8-year-old one year and it was his favorite gift. We actually did it for 1-on-1 time so he got a coupon for something with mom on the odd months, something with dad on the even months. I kept it simple at the start - movie night, bake something together, go for ice cream, etc. We left one TBD coupon for each of us so that if we could make it work we could do something extra special. I'm actually gifting this to him again this year too.

[Farrar]

I second the making new traditions idea.  I have been blessed as a parent not to have to go through a broke Christmas, but I spent many as a child, and I can say that the broke ones were never "worse" than the Christmases of plenty from the perspective of a kid.  The things that you remember are the small food treats, the singing songs, the playing games, the togetherness stuff.  And, of course, the funny stories when something goes wrong - like the tree tipping over.  One of the traditions in our family has long been Christmas Eve performances - everyone must do *something* and it sometimes grows to be many somethings.  That's always one of the most memorable things.

[Anne in CA]

The third Christmas dh and I were married we were dead broke after an unexpected custody battle for our oldest. She ended up going to her mom's house for Christmas and we were broke and alone. DH got the chicken pox and we had to miss his best friend's Christmas Eve party. We spent the rest of our credit card limit on a bottle of wine and two filet steaks and watched Christmas movies.We did have a great Christmas. I don't think we gave each other gifts and I don't think we had anything special for our dd when she came back from her mom's. But we managed to have fun and remember that this was only temporary and we were making a better life for dd. 

[learning2gether]

Thank you all for sharing your advice and experiences.  Thank you for reminding me about the coupon book.  I've never done one, but always wanted to. 

[shanvan]

I don't know the ages of your kids, but one year I recorded some of my favorite poems and gave it to Ds.  Another year I made a doll out of scrap fabric for Dd.  It was something I had never done before, but It wasn't hard and turned out cute.  

 

We are very low on money this year, but with coupons we were able to pick up a couple of things.  One was a poster sized enlargement of his dog.   We are blessed to have 3 decent thrift shops not far from our home.  This year I was able to find a couple of books for each Dc, a brand new puzzle (for Dd who loves puzzles), and a new game for the family for a grand total of $5.

 

JC Penny has a coupon for $10 off of a $10 or more purchase and I was able to find a red scarf with dog outlines printed all over it for Dd on clearance for $11.00, so I paid a dollar for it.  I think that was a mailed coupon, though.  I looked around online and wasn't able to find it.  All I could find was a 20% off coupon, sorry.  

 

We've been honest with the kids and they actually seem relieved.  Sometimes I think all the gift giving becomes overwhelming.  We've been focusing on the blessings we have (like Dh starting a new job in January) and realizing that what we really need is more time together --not more things.  And we do have more time, b/c we are not running around buying a bunch of gifts.  We've done some baking and will do a little more, we've worked on drawings & paintings, read aloud, or just in the same room, played games, watched movies, gone through old pictures & albums, made visits to the bookstore to write down titles we want to find at the library, then visited the library, and made plans to visit elderly friends, learned new pieces on the piano, and taken hikes in the local parks (one of which has an old mansion and gardens that are decorated for the holidays.  Ds and I enjoyed a lovely walk at twilight through the grounds looking at the lights and we had the whole place to ourselves.  So far, that is probably my favorite activity this season.    

[elfgivas]

one thing we did one year was to wrap up all the christmas books we already owned.  each night, we opened one and read it together.  that was very memorable.

 

i used cookie cutters we already owned to make toast and sandwiches shaped like snowmen, christmas trees, etc.  we used the leftover bread to make stuffing.

 

we went carolling.

 

i used to go to the thrift shops and find christmas themed clothing, even just red or green shirts.  santa left the christmas clothes for them, and they wore them all day. 

 

we practiced christmas carols and called grandparents and sang to them.  now with skype, it can be "almost" in person.  

 

hth,

ann

[J-rap]

I'm sorry times are hard.  I don't know how old your children.  If they're not really old enough to understand, I think it probably won't even matter (to them).  You can still do fun traditions and give your gifts (I'd make them even, though).  If they are very young, you can probably pick up a couple of extra gifts at a thrift store for very cheap, or get some dollar store items.  Course it's not all about the gifts;  I think the important thing is to try and keep the mood happy and festive, and it will definitely rub off on them!

 

We had one year when our kids were about 9-15, when we were broke.  We didn't have any income at all, and couldn't even afford a Christmas tree.  Our kids actually put all their money together and bought one!  We gave gifts that were either homemade or something else "free".  One daughter prepared a special song on her violin, another gave my husband a coupon for 25 head massages (he used to get headaches all the time!).  We still did a lot of our traditions, which were free, and made a point of not having a "poor me" attitude.  (At least, not showing it!  :-O) 

 

You know, our kids remember that Christmas fondly, as one of their best Christmases.

[LucyStoner]

I never had a non-broke Christmas until I was an adult. Christmas traditions that didn't cost much money were a big deal for us. We went to church, made some new ornaments each year, fixed the nicest meal we could, rode the carousel and looked at the displays of decorations, watched It's a Wonderful Life if we had a TV. We often spent part of the 24th and/or 25th volunteering at a church event. A few times we were angel-gifted some really awesome presents but I still remember the non-gift stuff the most because that was the part that was about family and, as my mom would say, "stuff that matters". We always had a tree and stockings because my grandparents sent a little money and my mom made a big deal of the tree. Some of the little pipe cleaner ornaments from the mini tree my mom scraped together for the year we were living in a motel when Christmas came grace both my brother's and my tree to this day, along side all the fancy blown glass we loved to look at as children and could afford as adults. Another year, I think the one right after that motel room my brother and I fell in love with a tree in the Fredrick's and Nelson that was decked out with dozens of the same Father Christmas ornament and a wooden block carved with detailed Christmas scenes. My parents splurged and got us one of each. These are really fancy ornaments. I have the wooden block and he has the Father Christmas. That meant more than the years we had nice gifts. I've all but forgotten the Cabbage Patch Kid and the bike and the cello doll I wanted and got (spread out through the years) but I still have that wooden block and those pipe cleaner ornaments and I wouldn't get rid of them for anything. Because of what my mother put into them and making sure that tree was up.

 

I am sorry things are so tight and I hope the new year brings some good changes for you all. I think the main thing is to not make too big a deal of not having many presents and to not let the kids feel that they have to take care of your disappointment for them. My mom usually made it fun. My dad, having grown up much more middle class than poor, sometimes made it about him feeling bad that he couldn't give us the things he wanted. That was no fun. At all. We didn't want a lot of stuff. Just a happy time.

[moonlight]

Make some new traditions? Like letting the kids sleep "under" the tree on December 23.

 

I think the coupon book idea is great. You could make a monthly one that could be used for things such as family board game night, everything in reverse day where you eat breakfast for dinner, etc., make your own sundae with toppings, family movie night with popcorn, etc.

 

You might have enough time to craft a couple of things if you want. But don't stress over it and only if you have the supplies on hand.

 

http://dhwilson.blogspot.ae/2011/05/treausure-box-book.html

 

http://frugalliving.about.com/od/craftsgifts/ss/Sweater_Mittens.htm

 

http://frugalliving.about.com/od/craftsgifts/ss/TShirt_Tote_Bag.htm

 

A Family Cookbook

 

Melt old crayons in cookie molds and you have new crayons.

 

There are lots of homemade pladough recipes out there.

 

Homemade felt board with felt cutouts

 

check out the preschool activity bags (I don't have any idea how old your kids are)

 

http://frugalliving.about.com/od/doityourself/ht/Treasure_Soap.htm

 

sugar scrubs

 

 

 

[Audrey]

I remember the year my father retired from the Navy.  He was in a retraining course to be a heavy equipment mechanic and was not making hardly any money.  We no longer had paid-for military housing and things were tighter than usual (NCO pay was never spectacular as it was).   My father made my brother a wooden firehouse complete with loft and fire pole.  My mother made me crocheted Barbie doll clothes.There was a purple summer dress, a green and yellow pants suit, a pink bathing suit and a gorgeous sparkly golden ball gown.  My brother still has the firehouse.  I still have the Barbie clothes.  35 years later, and Mom and Dad both long passed away, we both still call it the most amazing Christmas ever.  No one ever had what we had that year.  No one ever will. 

 

[MrsJewelsRae]

When I was a teen my dad lost his job during the recession. Housing prices dropped crazy and my parents couldn't even sell their house for significantly less than they payed for it. My parents lost everything- the bank foreclosed on our house and it was Christmas. We were broke, scared and sad. My parents couldn't afford to put together Christmas or even buy necessities. I remember our neighbours showing up with a huge box stuffed full with every item you could want to have a great Christmas meal- a big turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, potatoes, corn, carrots, pumpkin pie, big chocolate santas for each kid, etc. I remember my mom crying with thankfulness. :) I don't even remember if we had a tree or any gifts at all that Christmas, but my dad put the lights on the house one last time, we decorated inside, and we had a delicious meal and drank egg nog, sang Christmas carols and enjoyed being together and feeling loved. We weren't the only ones going through hard times, there were several houses on our street alone with foreclosure signs on the lawn, it was such a blessing to see how people were so caring and generous. It really did teach us the true meaning of Christmas is not found in things.

[FO4UR]

You could  save back the gifts already bought for birthdays this year if you can't afford to even things out.

 

 

Then, do a gift exchange challenge with the family.  Put everyone's name in a hat and draw. Put a price cap (if you can, help any littles with maybe $5-10) and encourage everyone to make or do something.  Be open to shopping thrift stores. It truly isn't the stuff.  It's the act of giving.

 

I found an awesome vintage lego set at a thrift store 2 years ago.  He was 5yo at the time, and he still talks about it as a favorite thing ever.  It was $10.   (comparable new = $100)

 

If your dc are older, they might enjoy silly white elephant type exchanges.  Who can find the craziest Christmas ornament for under $5?  (thrift store shopping or make your own) You will have fun pulling those out each year. 

[shanvan]

one thing we did one year was to wrap up all the christmas books we already owned.  each night, we opened one and read it together.  that was very memorable.

 

 

I was thinking of doing something similar.  We have quite a few project type books or kits and games sitting around, and even books we were going to read and haven't.  I talked to the kids about having a challenge for each of us to find something in the house that we already own to wrap for each person.  It would have to be something that suited the person and something they want to do or read that they haven't had time to get to.  It would be like giving the gift of time.

[fairfarmhand]

Do you have any keepsakes from your grandparents, etc. that your dd's would treasure?

 

Can you write stories for and about your kids? "Once upon a time there was a mommy and a daddy. They were very happy together, but they always felt that there was something missing...." Illustrate them with family photos.

[Alicia64]

One year, I took library books, wrapped them and we opened a different book each evening and read it. The kids loved it. Wrapping was a ton of work for me, but I kept it cheap.

 

I've also noticed that my kids get all charged up with homemade cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning -- they love them. Hot chocolate from scratch too.

 

I think taking a bag of their favorite candy, opening it and pouring it into their stocking is fun. Just the cost of a bag of candy. (Unless you don't like the sugar intake.)

 

I also find amazingly good things for the kids at our Good Will. I've been stunned with what I've found in the toy section.

 

I would put a log on the fire if you can, put on Xmas music, decorate as much as possible etc.

 

I would also talk a lot about making homemade gifts. Read D.W.'s Perfect Present: http://www.amazon.com/D-W-s-Perfect-Present-Arthur-Brown/dp/0316733865

 

It's a kid's book, but it makes it clear to everyone how great homemade gifts can be!

 

Alley

[fairfarmhand]

Oh, yeah...one of the weirdest Christmas traditions around here is VERY silly. I NEVER buy sugary cereals. It's always cheerios or raisin bran. However for Christmas, I wrap my kids' favorite sugary cereals and put them under the tree. They are always THRILLED to have Cocoa Pebbles or Lucky Charms under the tree. Even my 16 yo loves this!

[PrairieSong]

These are some awesome ideas! My parents both grew up poor but we didn't. However, my best Christmas memories are about everyone coming home and us all being together...my older brothers, sister-in-law, grandparents, the more the merrier! I don't remember many of the gifts I received but I do remember talking, laughing, playing games, and singing carols, listening to family stories. Those are the memories I treasure.

[Kebo]

I would look at what matters to your kids and try to do something meaningful to them, either on Christmas day or through coupons. For example….

 

My younger kids would love to have an epic indoor fort day (with the whole family helping to build it), complete with snacks served in the fort.

My boys would love to take their friends and their nerf guns to a deserted park for a battle.

My husband would love a long neck rub and pampering.

My little girl would love a long dress up and makeup session. She loves to put makeup on me, too -- I look hideous afterwards, but she loves it : )

The same girl would love a tea party/dress up day with friends. I would go all out to make it special. Take lots of photos and frame your favorite for her to remember.

My oldest would like a movie marathon and a day of his favorite food and board games.

They all would like their favorite food prepared -- or maybe make something "fancy" that you don't usually make, like a chocolate fondue.

A Christmas day hike in the snow (if you have a white Christmas) or in the mountains if you live someplace warm.

 

With the right frame of mind I truly believe that a no-spend Christmas could be the best ever. I hope yours turns out to be wonderful.

[mom2scouts]

This thread reminds me of a memory that still makes me smile.  One year we were really broke at Christmas.  We didn't think we would even be able to have a Christmas tree and we felt bad for our kids.  A couple of years earlier, we had gone to a tree farm and spent hours digging up a tree instead of just cutting it down and that tree was planted in our yard.  Dh and I went out and dug it up again and used it as our Christmas tree. After Christmas, we planted it back in our yard!

[sassenach]

Two of my kids favorite gifts (as in they make Christmas what it is) are a jar of pickles for each child (they all are pickle fiends and it's a huge luxury to not have to share) and homemade coupons on which I put simple treats and privileges. I did that following my mom's lead. She always got me a few special treats at Christmas and even in the lean years, it still felt like Christmas as long as I got those.

[learning2gether]

Thank you all so much for sharing.  I cannot tell you how much this thread has helped me.  I knew that my girls would understand, but I wanted more for their Christmas than just them understanding why things weren't as expected.  Reading over this thread has really given me some great ideas for how to still make things special. 

[FO4UR]

I used to collect dolls when I was a girl.  They were in storage for a long time, and I began giving one per year to my dd for Christmas.  She loves those.  Really, what am I going to do with them anyway?  And they are so special to her.

[Sara in AZ]

My Aunt and Uncle (now in there 70's) still carry on a tradition that started when they had a large young family and little money. They blew up a whole bunch of balloons to fill up space around the tree to make the small pile of presents seem to take up more space. All of their kids still blow up balloons around their Christmas trees.

[saw]

I don't have particularly fond memories of childhood Christmases. It was all about "stuff" -- we got lots of presents, went to the houses of my parents' friends, where we got more stuff, and stuffed ourselves with Christmas dinner. There was a little bit of church. There wasn't much togetherness, no special traditions, no focus on giving to others, no magic. If I had to choose, I'd choose memories of family traditions and special times together over the flood of presents any day. I hope you have a very special Christmas, with much love and time together. 

This quotation was the quotation of the month in the Laura Ingalls Wilder newsletter that I get by email every month. It think it puts a good perspective on things.

 

"And in the very toe of each stocking was a shining bright, new penny! They had never even thought of  such a thing as having a penny. Think of having a whole penny for your very own. Think of having a cup and a cake and a stick of candy and a penny.
        There had never been such a Christmas."  

 

 

[fairfarmhand]

oooo...I remember another tradition from a friends family. They always went down to 7-11 to get a hot dog for Christmas dinner. It STILL lives on, even though they are all adults with kids of their own.

[jenn&charles]

First I want to make it clear that I am not asking anyone to help us out.  I wanted to get that out of the way because I visit a couple of forums where people are complaining about scammers coming on asking for help with Christmas.

 

Our family usually just barely makes ends meet, but we always eek out a good Christmas.  This year we had planned to go to Myrtle Beach with another family as the kids big gift and to just buy them a few things each.  Due to an emergency medical situation with my husband we are suddenly in a place where we can't do either.  We have purchased 1 nice gift for one of our daughters  and a small gift for another daughter, but that's it.  Our family usually donates to other families during Christmas and the crazy thing is we even picked 2 angels from the tree at church and purchased for them a couple weeks ago.  A couple years ago we sent some items to a couple families from here and another forum I visit.  We love giving and my girls look forward shopping for other kids each year. 

 

I know that it will work out and that the girls won't be scarred for life, but I am still really down about it.  I was hoping that some of you would share your been there done that stories.  I am hoping that it will make me feel a little better and help me get back into the Christmas spirit.  I haven't even told the girls yet, and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle that.

 

I don't know how old your girls are, but one time I took a big cardboard box and made a couple different floors using more cardboard and cut out doors/windows, etc. and decorated the inside. It made a cute little dollhouse and I used just the items I had laying around the house to decorate it - things like magazine cut outs, scraps of fabric, glue, etc.

 

There are also lots of easy craft ideas on Pinterest that you could whip up really quickly to give them stuff to open up. Things that would be meaningful because you made them. :-)

 

A batch of cookies wrapped up adds to the pile. You could also make certificates for specific websites (find some fun free games online or something like that).

 

Thrift stores can have amazing deals too and sometimes you can dicker the price down (I have!).

 

You could also see if there is a special meal that you can volunteer at as a family on Christmas or Christmas Eve. Our kids loved doing that (and they had some yummy free food after working hard to serve others)! Call your local paper and ask if they know of any local events like that (our fire station puts on a free Christmas meal every year).

 

You can also make a little homemade book where you tell each girl why she is so special and write down some fun/funny memories of when they were little. That would take an evening or two to do, but you still have time! 

[Walking-Iris]

We don't have a ton of extra money for having huge holidays. I do manage to make Christmas magic happen though. Some years are better than others. When my oldest was younger it was way harder. We're financially in a better place now, but I still try to have a frugal Christmas just because I don't want to set that expectation up for it. 

 

I agree with others that it can help by focusing on traditions. I hated Christmas as a kid. It seemed to always be about what I lacked in comparison to others. I'm really super happy that my kids have no concept of the going-back-to-school-what-did-you-get-for-xmas? experience. That's hard. 

 

Being crafty really helps. If you can sew or knit or make something for your kids, it can mean a lot to them. I usually make something each year. My extended family have come to expect it, that it will be homemade or home baked. I cannot afford to shower family or friends with gifts like I may want to. Especially with everything getting more expensive. $40 seems to be the new $20. Experiences of baking, crafting, reading, renting movies, looking at lights, listening to music and so on can ease the Christmas blues. I have to work really hard at not being a complete Grinch. I focus on the together time experiences more than the gifts. I talk about this Christmas feeling with them. I still struggle with my complete disappointment of the holiday as a kid. But now when I see my kids anxiously awaiting having hot chocolate and reading on xmas eve, and what they are going to get is far from their mind, I think I've done well. But I need certain songs and certain movies and stories to get me through it. Without that support I'm a mess. I've completely refused to acknowledge the holidays at times when I was single. 

 

I remember we once shopped every consignment shop to find things in the best shape for my oldest when he was about 3. We could not afford new toys. That year was rough. We even had nothing---literally nothing--- for his birthday the next month. I hated wrapping some used thing with every cell in my being, but he enjoyed the day anyway. 

 

It does sort of feel extremely depressing as a parent. I don't have the desire to shower them with everything and anything. I want them to learn to appreciate things in moderation. I go more overboard on those Christmas traditions than shopping. But the older they get and they realize you can't afford such and such---it does hurt to feel that they are sad in any way.

 

It does really hurt at those times as a parent (man I know it does), but ultimately I've come to appreciate that security in their next meal, warmth and lights, clothes and shoes, and parents who are not sinking in debt are greater gifts, even if they may not realize it. 

 

One thing that is useful to do is to have a Christmas fund. My mother in law puts money throughout the year in a Christmas account at the bank. I have saved loose change throughout the year and can easily cash in up to 250 dollars (some years) at the bank for use during the holidays. Just in literally keeping account of each penny. It's something I learned from my grandmother, who didn't let a single cent go unaccounted for. <Now if I could just teach my husband that>

 

I think really that what can help kids weather those lean times is having loving understanding parents. Most years my mother just couldn't and maybe didn't even really care that much. It made it worse. Having a parent showering you with love and understanding of the disappointment, but still offering hope, really makes those hard times better for kids. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[La Condessa]

The most memorable Christmas my brothers and sisters and I had was the year our family was broke. I loved horses, and my dad made me a stable for my plastic toy horses from scrap wood he had in the garage. My parents knew a family who had baby bunnies, who offered them two for $5, and they found a used cage for free somewhere, so a brother and a sister each got a rabbit. And for my sister who had been pining for some things in the American Girl magazine for her Samantha doll, my mom sewed a tiny cloak and rabbit-fur muffler and hat (despite being allergic), and my dad made a tiny nightstand from scrap wood for her. We all thought it was the most awesome Christmas, with the best presents ever!

[sassenach]

This is a great thread from years past: http://forums.welltrainedmind.com/topic/327636-no-money-for-christmas-clever-ideas/

[6packofun]

I don't remember how we started this tradition. We always have tons of leftover Christmas cards or notecards, etc. (We'll send a few and then not want to use the remaining 5-6 cards or I'll even pick up a box of old, funny cards from a thrift store if I see them.)  so all month long, our kids write funny/kind/appreciative notes, jokes, or poems to one another and stick them in each others' stockings. 

 

We've done scavenger hunts many times to make the gift-opening process last longer when there were only a few things to give.  They've always loved that!

 

We've wound Christmas ribbon ALL over the house with little candy prizes and/or notes or Bible verses strung along the path and they take turns following it around and getting the goodies.  (A toilet paper tube made to look like Santa's sleigh or a reindeer makes the "trip" along the ribbon.)

[aggie96]

While I haven't had to experience this as a parent, growing up I did.  My mom was single, working three jobs to make ends meet, and we did not have any money for Christmas.  Instead, we rented 10 movies from BlockBuster $1 wall (that dates me) and bought three boxes of Snickers Ice Cream Bars (a treat we rarely received).  We watched movies late into the night and binged on ice cream bars all night.  This was truly one of the best Christmases I have ever spent (and in later years we had some BIG Christmases including trips to DisneyWorld, etc).

 

So, from a kid's perspective, it can be great with some creative thinking, unconditional love, and uninterrupted time.  Have a Merry Christmas despite it coming "without packages, trimmings, boxes, or tags."  Many hugs.