my husband might have cancer and I'm scared to death! - UPDATE IN POST #89 (ALL GOOD!!)

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

And second of all, every cancer is different, every patient is different, and every outcome is different.

:iagree:

 

Yes, yes, and double yes!!!!

[Mrs Mungo]

This.  Also...I absolutely believe in the power of prayer.  Hopefully this board will cover your family in prayer, and you will get the news that it was nothing.

I know, I know, I *know* that I'm taking these comments too personally. But, terminal, non-cureable cancers happen to good, devout people who have been covered in prayer by this board and other good, devout people.

 

There are lots of types of cancers. Some can been beaten, absolutely. Then, there are other cancers that the doctor will basically tell you from the get-go that they cannot be beaten and it's only a matter of fighting as hard as you can to squeeze out the amount of time you'll have with your kids. They are not all created equal.

 

I *really* don't mean to be a downer on the thread. But, many of us lost a good friend from the board last year and others lost family members. It is just a small dagger to the heart every time someone claims that the good and devout will be healed or that prayer conquers all or that someone just needs to fight. It's just not that simple or trite.

 

I don't think Heather should automatically assume anything right now. It may be something completely benign. I know waiting is hard. I know this part sucks, believe me, I *know*.

 

I would just ask that people think through what they are saying a little more for those of us who have lost loved ones in this battle.

[mrsrevmeg]

Praying for you and yours right now.

[trulycrabby]

Waiting and not knowing is extremely frightening and difficult. Sending you my prayers and support! :grouphug:

[fraidycat]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I'm not good with words, but I can offer hugs and prayers.

[Cinder]

:grouphug:

[JustEm]

I know, I know, I *know* that I'm taking these comments too personally. But, terminal, non-cureable cancers happen to good, devout people who have been covered in prayer by this board and other good, devout people.

 

There are lots of types of cancers. Some can been beaten, absolutely. Then, there are other cancers that the doctor will basically tell you from the get-go that they cannot be beaten and it's only a matter of fighting as hard as you can to squeeze out the amount of time you'll have with your kids. They are not all created equal.

 

I *really* don't mean to be a downer on the thread. But, many of us lost a good friend from the board last year and others lost family members. It is just a small dagger to the heart every time someone claims that the good and devout will be healed or that prayer conquers all or that someone just needs to fight. It's just not that simple or trite.

 

I don't think Heather should automatically assume anything right now. It may be something completely benign. I know waiting is hard. I know this part sucks, believe me, I *know*.

 

I would just ask that people think through what they are saying a little more for those of us who have lost loved ones in this battle.

 

The comment you quoted didn't even mention that devout people will be healed.  All that was said was the believe in the power of prayer.  The belief that through prayer all things are possible is pretty simple.  Its not claiming that prayer will save all things and its not saying that devout people will be healed while others will not.  Its simply an acknowledgment that prayer can help and does in some cases.  I didn't read all the comments but the one you quoted certainly didn't imply what I bolded.  

 

And you are not being considerate of people who have lost loved ones in this battle who still do believe in the power of prayer by asking them to think through what they are saying when you are adding context to their comments that aren't there. (My response is entirely personal because I have multiple family members fighting this battle and for you to imply that anyones prayers are useless is offensive to me.)

[Mrs Mungo]

The comment you quoted didn't even mention that devout people will be healed.  All that was said was the believe in the power of prayer.  The belief that through prayer all things are possible is pretty simple.  Its not claiming that prayer will save all things and its not saying that devout people will be healed while others will not.  Its simply an acknowledgment that prayer can help and does in some cases.  I didn't read all the comments but the one you quoted certainly didn't imply what I bolded.  

 

And you are not being considerate of people who have lost loved ones in this battle who still do believe in the power of prayer by asking them to think through what they are saying when you are adding context to their comments that aren't there. (My response is entirely personal because I have multiple family members fighting this battle and for you to imply that anyones prayers are useless is offensive to me.)

I didn't imply that prayers are useless. In fact, there was a recent thread on prayer in which I stated what prayer meant to me, and it means a lot. I've seen *many* statements on this board that implied that if you believe hard enough or you are good enough that you will be protected and/or healed. In fact, over the years there have been people here who have said that they fallen away from religion when this did not prove to be true for them. But, the Bible is pretty clear that the sun shines and rain falls on the wicked and the righteous alike. Therefore, it's a teaching I find both wrong and dangerous to people of faith. I don't really "know" you here, but you seem pretty new. I had a terrible year which included losing a friend from this board, my baby sister's death from cancer and my parents' house being destroyed by a tornado. Faith is a large part of what gets me through the day. But, it is offensive to in any way imply that covering someone in prayer will automatically lead to a good result. I don't want to argue about it further here in this thread.

[AlmiraGulch]

And you are not being considerate of people who have lost loved ones in this battle who still do believe in the power of prayer by asking them to think through what they are saying when you are adding context to their comments that aren't there. (My response is entirely personal because I have multiple family members fighting this battle and for you to imply that anyones prayers are useless is offensive to me.)

 

And you are not being considerate of people who have prayed diligently for their loved ones who have still ultimately lost their battles.  The implication is that if they just prayed hard enough, or prayed the right way, or if more people had prayed, then perhaps the outcome could have been different. 

 

I do not think we should hijack this thread for a battle about prayer.  I know from previous posts that Mrs. Mungo is herself a praying person.  But her response here is also very personal (she even said so) and so we should just remember that what we say definitely can affect others, and perhaps we should just focus on supporting the OP here in her time of need.

 

[Χά�ων]

I know, I know, I *know* that I'm taking these comments too personally. But, terminal, non-cureable cancers happen to good, devout people who have been covered in prayer by this board and other good, devout people.

 

There are lots of types of cancers. Some can been beaten, absolutely. Then, there are other cancers that the doctor will basically tell you from the get-go that they cannot be beaten and it's only a matter of fighting as hard as you can to squeeze out the amount of time you'll have with your kids. They are not all created equal.

 

I *really* don't mean to be a downer on the thread. But, many of us lost a good friend from the board last year and others lost family members. It is just a small dagger to the heart every time someone claims that the good and devout will be healed or that prayer conquers all or that someone just needs to fight. It's just not that simple or trite.

 

I don't think Heather should automatically assume anything right now. It may be something completely benign. I know waiting is hard. I know this part sucks, believe me, I *know*.

 

I would just ask that people think through what they are saying a little more for those of us who have lost loved ones in this battle.

 

 

I didn't imply that prayers are useless. In fact, there was a recent thread on prayer in which I stated what prayer meant to me, and it means a lot. I've seen *many* statements on this board that implied that if you believe hard enough or you are good enough that you will be protected and/or healed. In fact, over the years there have been people here who have said that they fallen away from religion when this did not prove to be true for them. But, the Bible is pretty clear that the sun shines and rain falls on the wicked and the righteous alike. Therefore, it's a teaching I find both wrong and dangerous to people of faith. I don't really "know" you here, but you seem pretty new. I had a terrible year which included losing a friend from this board, my baby sister's death from cancer and my parents' house being destroyed by a tornado. Faith is a large part of what gets me through the day. But, it is offensive to in any way imply that covering someone in prayer will automatically lead to a good result. I don't want to argue about it further here in this thread.

Thank you for saying what needs to be said and sharing your experiences. I admire your courage.  :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

Sending hugs and prayers to you and your husband, Heather.

 

Please try to keep in mind that the vast majority of symptoms that could indicate cancer, usually end up not being cancer at all. I am very hopeful that your husband will have something that is easily treated and cured.

[Barb_]

Yes, stay off the internet. Please remember that only the people who get bad news and need support are on the boards. Those who get an all clear go on with their lives. That makes the prognosis seem more dire.

[Barb_]

Nm

[goldberry]

:grouphug:

 

Try to stay in the present.  What is happening now, and what is the immediate next step that will be happening.  Don't allow your mind to jump ahead to things that have not happened yet and may not happen.  If your mind goes there, repeat "that's not happening right now and I don't need to be thinking about it."

 

:grouphug:

[readinmom]

:grouphug:

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

But, it is offensive to in any way imply that covering someone in prayer will automatically lead to a good result. I don't want to argue about it further here in this thread.

 

I've come to see both sides.  Yes, I did not cause my cancer, and yes, prayer will not cure it, HOWEVER....

 

I am deeply grateful for any and all good vibrations, religious or otherwise, that have been aimed in my general direction.

 

So yes, prayers to this patient, and/or white light, and/or an offered chant, and/or an offering to the ancestors, and/or whatever might convey support that is most comfortable for the supporter expressing that.  If it's not nefarious, and not assumed to be THE answer, then it's all good simply for the sentiment behind that single action.

 

But yes, do get some chocolate.  Carbs are good, too.

[Mrs Mungo]

So yes, prayers to this patient, and/or white light, and/or an offered chant, and/or an offering to the ancestors, and/or whatever might convey support that is most comfortable for the supporter expressing that. If it's not nefarious, and not assumed to be THE answer, then it's all good simply for the sentiment behind that single action.

 

In no way did I intend to imply that prayer, good vibes, hugs or anything else should be in any way unwelcome or unhelpful.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

In no way did I intend to imply that prayer, good vibes, hugs or anything else should be in any way unwelcome or unhelpful.

 

 

You're right, you didn't.  I was picking up on the middle of your post, which is right on the money:  "But, many of us lost a good friend from the board last year and others lost family members. It is just a small dagger to the heart every time someone claims that the good and devout will be healed or that prayer conquers all or that someone just needs to fight. It's just not that simple or trite."

 

I also agree that curing cancer via prayer (or other meditative means) is not clinically productive in its own right.  That being said, if the giver and givee receive some measure of comfort for a time, that's only good and never bad.

 

If it veers into the simple or the trite, I will be all up in arms, because that disrespects the inherent complexity of cancer, which few understand until they get it.  It is a worthy topic, though, not here.  Maybe this deserves its own s/o.

[Melissa in Australia]

• :grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

[Guest]

Wow---so sorry that my SINCERE thoughts got misconstrued.  I never said that prayer automatically leads to a positive outcome.  I'm not an idiot, and certainly not an insensitive one.  Just someone who is trying to have a positive outlook and wishes the best for the OP.  OP...sorry if it was taken any other way.

[HeatherL]

Wow---so sorry that my SINCERE thoughts got misconstrued.  I never said that prayer automatically leads to a positive outcome.  I'm not an idiot, and certainly not an insensitive one.  Just someone who is trying to have a positive outlook and wishes the best for the OP.  OP...sorry if it was taken any other way.

 

I took it no other way then the good intentions behind it!  Thank you and everyone!  It is so very nice to feel less alone in all this.  Even though I have never met any of you IRL, your kindness has meant so much today!! 

[Barb_]

Please update when you know anything.

[Catwoman]

Please update when you know anything.

Yes, definitely!!! We are all hoping for good news, but no matter what it is, we're here for you if you need to talk. :grouphug:

[swellmomma]

The waiting for test results is the worst part of any diagnosis imo.  As far as the lump in the neck, my dd6 had a weird virus years ago that cause the bulk of her lymph nodes to swell and harden, the dr was concerned and it freaked us out.  In the end it turned out to be this virus, she still has some lymph nodes that remained swollen/hard, the dr said it can take over 10 years for them to fully heal because this virus likes to hang out in them and everytime she is exposed to something else it triggers this virus again and they swell up.  None of her's were golf ball sized but she was only 2 or so at the time so really they seemed huge anyway.

 

I have not faced a cancer worry but I am in the process of testing to confirm a tumor on my pituitary gland which will likely mean either surgery and/or chemo to deal with it though it should be a benign tumor.  The initial shock of just the word tumor had me in a tizzy with worry.  I am the type of person that will worry until I have a plan.  Once I know what is going on and can formulate a plan I am fine.  Unfortunately until you have the results back and get a diagnosis then you can't form that plan.  It is hard not to play the what ifs game, especially when it is such a scary thing.  The advice given to distract yourself, and focus on something else is the hardest and best advice to follow.  If I keep myself busy and focused on what I can control right now I seem to be fine, when I am not then I start to mull it all over and the worry build up etc.  I hope the cub scout things keep you busy, but when the worry starts to creep in find something else to do quickly, or read a brain candy book, something that is an easy predictable read that you don't have to think much about.  I find supernatural YA books fit this bill nicely, while I have been going through testing and waiting etc I have read a lot of books with vampires, werewolves, witches etc.  They help me empty my brain of all worries when the what ifs start to creep in.

And for goodness sakes whatever you do, stay off google.  Google and medical Diagnosis rarely make a good team.

A ton of prayers for you and your dh as you wait for the results over the weekend.  If the dr was convinced it was cancer he would have ordered the results to be back stat(so within a few hours) and had a surgeon lined up for Monday am.  The fact that he felt okay with waiting for those things tells me, he is concerned but still feels there is a chance it is something other than cancer, but that he felt he needed to be frank with your dh about all the possibilities he was considering.

[creekland]

I took it no other way then the good intentions behind it!  Thank you and everyone!  It is so very nice to feel less alone in all this.  Even though I have never met any of you IRL, your kindness has meant so much today!! 

 

More :grouphug:  this morning... and wanting to mention, should anything even nominally "not great" come from this, not only will you find really decent peers on here, but I also suspect your IRL circle will be there for you - some of whom may also have BTDT in similar ways.  They're literally the best ones to share with as they have the "insider" knowledge that only comes from BTDT. 

 

It's actually pretty neat the way (most) humans tend to gather around to offer help and well wishes (whether BTDT or not) to others.  It gives one hope for the world.  ;)

 

And in the meantime, I'm hoping it turns out to be (essentially) nothing.  Definitely stay active and just wait and see rather than playing the "what if" game.  Some bridges may never have to be crossed - why worry about them ahead of time and "miss" today?  Today is a great day - hug your kids - play a game - enjoy lunch/dinner together... If anyone wants to, they can "miss" oodles of todays by worrying about tomorrow (for health, wealth, or many potential evils), but WHY do that?  Tomorrow will come - for better or worse - deal with it then AFTER having enjoyed today.

 

[TravelingChris]

I thought I had posted here but apparently it didn't post.  I am not going to repeat what others here have said very well- about how cancers are different, how even people with bad types or bad stages of cancer have survived past five years, how some are chronic but you can live with them, etc, etc, etc.

 

Prayers to your family Heather and do what you need to do to stay distracted- watching tv, business with kids, reading an engaging book you like, whatever, 

[MyThreeSons]

  My DH has had a golf ball size lump on his neck for the last month or so.  

 

Hugs to you! I am so sorry for what you went through with your mother. Praying this turns out to be benign, but I wanted you to know that even if it isn't, there is hope. Five years ago, my mother in law had something similar. It did turn out to be malignant, and she went through radiation treatment. It wasn't fun, but she did well. She is now 90 years old, cancer free, and going strong. 

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

The waiting for test results is the worst part of any diagnosis imo. As far as the lump in the neck, my dd6 had a weird virus years ago that cause the bulk of her lymph nodes to swell and harden, the dr was concerned and it freaked us out. In the end it turned out to be this virus, she still has some lymph nodes that remained swollen/hard, the dr said it can take over 10 years for them to fully heal because this virus likes to hang out in them and everytime she is exposed to something else it triggers this virus again and they swell up. None of her's were golf ball sized but she was only 2 or so at the time so really they seemed huge anyway.

 

I have not faced a cancer worry but I am in the process of testing to confirm a tumor on my pituitary gland which will likely mean either surgery and/or chemo to deal with it though it should be a benign tumor. The initial shock of just the word tumor had me in a tizzy with worry. I am the type of person that will worry until I have a plan. Once I know what is going on and can formulate a plan I am fine. Unfortunately until you have the results back and get a diagnosis then you can't form that plan. It is hard not to play the what ifs game, especially when it is such a scary thing. The advice given to distract yourself, and focus on something else is the hardest and best advice to follow. If I keep myself busy and focused on what I can control right now I seem to be fine, when I am not then I start to mull it all over and the worry build up etc. I hope the cub scout things keep you busy, but when the worry starts to creep in find something else to do quickly, or read a brain candy book, something that is an easy predictable read that you don't have to think much about. I find supernatural YA books fit this bill nicely, while I have been going through testing and waiting etc I have read a lot of books with vampires, werewolves, witches etc. They help me empty my brain of all worries when the what ifs start to creep in.

 

And for goodness sakes whatever you do, stay off google. Google and medical Diagnosis rarely make a good team.

 

A ton of prayers for you and your dh as you wait for the results over the weekend. If the dr was convinced it was cancer he would have ordered the results to be back stat(so within a few hours) and had a surgeon lined up for Monday am. The fact that he felt okay with waiting for those things tells me, he is concerned but still feels there is a chance it is something other than cancer, but that he felt he needed to be frank with your dh about all the possibilities he was considering.

Not trying to derail the thread, but I wanted to let you know that it's almost unheard-of for a pituitary tumor to be malignant, so try not to worry that it's cancer. When my dh was diagnosed with one, we saw the top specialists in the country and they weren't at all worried that it could be cancer.

 

Depending on the size of the tumor, they may just monitor it, unless you're having symptoms (like vision problems,) in which case they will probably remove it. The surgery sounded a lot scarier than it really was, and the recovery period was very easy. The only thing you have to watch for afterward is the possibility of your hormones being kind of messed up. It doesn't happen to everyone, and from what I understand, the problems are treatable.

 

If you have any questions at all about the pituitary tumor, please feel free to ask here or send me a PM. I'm not a doctor, but I learned quite a bit when my ds was diagnosed.

 

Try not to worry -- it honestly isn't anywhere near as scary as you think it is when you first find out you might have it! :grouphug:

[swellmomma]

Not trying to derail the thread, but I wanted to let you know that it's almost unheard-of for a pituitary tumor to be malignant, so try not to worry that it's cancer. When my dh was diagnosed with one, we saw the top specialists in the country and they weren't at all worried that it could be cancer.

 

Depending on the size of the tumor, they may just monitor it, unless you're having symptoms (like vision problems,) in which case they will probably remove it. The surgery sounded a lot scarier than it really was, and the recovery period was very easy. The only thing you have to watch for afterward is the possibility of your hormones being kind of messed up. It doesn't happen to everyone, and from what I understand, the problems are treatable.

 

If you have any questions at all about the pituitary tumor, please feel free to ask here or send me a PM. I'm not a doctor, but I learned quite a bit when my ds was diagnosed.

 

Try not to worry -- it honestly isn't anywhere near as scary as you think it is when you first find out you might have it! :grouphug:

 

I'm not worried about it being cancer, I know that is extremely rare, though since my sister also has one (her's is a prolactinoma though so different from the one they expect me to have) so I know they will check for that anyway because there is a rare form of pit tumors that is cancer that run in families, BUT I have no worries about that, it is so rare I know I don't have that.

 

As for hormones getting messed up, that's exactly what sent me to the dr in the first place lol  The type of pit tumor that caused cushings disease is so much fun, it turns you from a somewhat okay looking woman into the hunch back of notre dame lol

 

I will send you a pm because I don't want to derail this thread and make it about me.  I am past the bulk of my worrying time, I did a gazillion tests and the dr is sufficiently sure that is what is going on (so much so that she said she'd bet her license on it).  Going to the endo is just a step in the confirmation path. 

[HeatherL]

So I guess it turns out that the doctor did put a rush on the results and told my husband they would be back today and he would call.  (I had asked the girl we checked in with at the lab and she had said sometime next week)  Well no one called today and my husband is starting to loose his mind.  He keeps feeling around in his head and neck and thinks he keeps finding more lumps...  On the positive side, a friend had her washer break last week and still not be able to get it fixed and since the closest laundry mat is 45 minutes away asked if her hubby could come over to do laundry.  He and my DH are friendly so for the few hours he was here they chatted about random stuff and watched a movie.  It was so nice for my DH to have his mind on other things.

[Laurie4b]

I'm sorry. The waiting is the hardest part.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

 

[creekland]

So I guess it turns out that the doctor did put a rush on the results and told my husband they would be back today and he would call.  (I had asked the girl we checked in with at the lab and she had said sometime next week)  Well no one called today and my husband is starting to loose his mind.  He keeps feeling around in his head and neck and thinks he keeps finding more lumps...  On the positive side, a friend had her washer break last week and still not be able to get it fixed and since the closest laundry mat is 45 minutes away asked if her hubby could come over to do laundry.  He and my DH are friendly so for the few hours he was here they chatted about random stuff and watched a movie.  It was so nice for my DH to have his mind on other things.

 

Thanks for the update.  I would think you would hear on Monday.  Stay active.  Time will pass.

 

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I didn't post this up front, because I hate throwing a ton of "read this!" links to the newly (possibly) diagnosed, but it's worth checking out for anyone facing some sort of medical issue and the inherent urge to Google.

 

The Median Isn't the Message is the fairest, most human essay I've found on the meaning of numbers and stats in the face of a big diagnosis.  It should be laminated as a handout in every oncologist's office.  I always carry a copy in my health records binder.

[Crimson Wife]

Keeping my fingers crossed that you get reassuring news next week. Hugs & prayers!

[HeatherL]

UPDATE -

 

So everything came back NORMAL!!  We are so relieved!  It was a little crazy getting the test results.  My DH called on Monday, yes they had them but the nurse couldn't tell him anything because the doctor hadn't written notes in his file yet, but they said they'd call my DH back.  No call, so he called again today and was given the same story.  So frustrating when these were rushed results and now we are just waiting around.  Finally late this afternoon the doctor called and said every test (a complete blood test for tons of things) came back great, he's in perfect health.  The doctor did say that if the lump does not go away in a little while to still make the appointment with the surgeon, so whatever it is can by removed.

 

Thank you so much to everyone who gave us prayers and support!  I used so much of the advice getting through the last several days, which so very helped all this waiting!

[Dandelion]

So happy for you and your family!  :)

[Melissa in Australia]

:hurray: :hurray:

 

:party:

[Seasider]

Yay, best possible outcome all right! Such wonderful news.

[Barb_]

Wonderful news!  Now you can get back to the business of celebrating your holidays without a black cloud overhanging. 

[Catwoman]

Wow, Heather -- I'm so happy for you guys!!!!!!!

 

Thank you so much for posting the incredibly wonderful update! :hurray:

[Guest submarines]

:001_smile: :001_smile: :001_smile: :001_smile:

[Amy in TX]

Heather, I'm so glad!  Thanks for updating.  :)

[jewellsmommy]

:party: :thumbup:

[helena]

HOORAY!!! I'm so happy for you guys! 

[readinmom]

:hurray: Great news!

[creekland]

:party:

 

Awesome news!  Celebrating with you!!!

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

:party:   :grouphug: