Did you wait a long time to tell others that you were pregnant?

[Ann.without.an.e]

"If" I was maybe pregnant with #5....let's just pretend here.....

You probably don't understand unless you have 4 or more kids but, well, people are less than excited after #2 and sometimes even rude after #3. Did anyone wait to be open about the pregnancy? Can I wait until people are brave enough to ask? Haha

[jenn-]

I waited until I was a little more than 10 wks with the twins.  We were going for 13wks but when we found out it was twins, I couldn't hold it in any longer.  With the littlest one, I got pregnant with an IUD in place so it was a mini emergency at the beginning with a lot of trips to the OB those first couple of weeks.  Needless to say everyone knew from almost the moment we did because we needed babysitters.

 

 

Edited: Fixed a word because verb tense matters when you are talking pregnancy stuff.

[momto10blessings]

We usually keep it a secret until 20 weeks or so

[MomOfOneFunOne]

AMDG

 

I lived in a teeny tiny town.  I purchased a pregnancy test on Sunday evening.  Monday morning when I arrived at work . . . everyone wanted to know how it turned out!

[AK_Mom4]

With kid #4, we didn't tell anyone until I was nearly 20 weeks along. 

[Janie Grace]

I told people pretty quickly. Maybe took a test at 6 weeks, told family at 7, everyone else at 8. We were always bursting with excitement, and I am of the mind that if I'm going to lose a pregnancy, I'd rather have support than suffer privately.

 

And yes, some people are less excited about subsequent pregnancies. Telling them is my way of saying "I don't care what you think -- we're happy and you won't shame us into hiding this wonderful blessing!"

[plain jane]

We usually keep it a secret until 20 weeks or so

Me too. Not entirely sure why I do but I noticed in the last two pregnancies that I simply didn't rush out and tell people. I did tell close friends much sooner.

 

OP, I'm pretty sure there is a rule that you need to tell the Hive ASAP. ;) there's no waiting allowed on that one.

[Wilma]

To me, how you say it makes a lot of difference. If you act bashful or slightly embarrassed or whatever, people will be more likely to say something rude. On the other hand, if you're enthused and say, "we are so excited about this!" it'd take a pretty serious curmudgeon to rain on that parade.

 

We have 4 girls, and people OFTEN comment that they must be a handful or too bad we dont't have any boys or they're sad for my husband or whatever. My bigger girls (4+) all say something like, "Daddy likes us! He doesn't wish we were boys." Then people hush, because they realize the underlying assumptions they're pushing.

[TheAutumnOak]

I told people pretty quickly. Maybe took a test at 6 weeks, told family at 7, everyone else at 8. We were always bursting with excitement, and I am of the mind that if I'm going to lose a pregnancy, I'd rather have support than suffer privately.

 

And yes, some people are less excited about subsequent pregnancies. Telling them is my way of saying "I don't care what you think -- we're happy and you won't shame us into hiding this wonderful blessing!"

 

This...I only have three kids but I told right away...I would not want to suffer privately either, so I wouldn't wait to tell for that reason...

[Kathryn]

I told people pretty quickly. Maybe took a test at 6 weeks, told family at 7, everyone else at 8. We were always bursting with excitement, and I am of the mind that if I'm going to lose a pregnancy, I'd rather have support than suffer privately.

 

We told right away with our first two. DH wanted to wait last time. I lost that baby at 10 weeks and it was terribly isolating not to be able to talk about it. I didn't want to bring it up and look like I was just fishing for sympathy. I'm 13.5 weeks pregnant right now and have told a few people. DH has been upset each time because he doesn't want anyone to know. I don't understand that attitude. I'd rather be happy/sad with others. We did wait until the 12 week scan to tell the kids this time because they didn't want to know in the first trimester.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Because I almost died with both of my first pregnancies, no one in my family thought I should get pregnant again. So we waited 3 months with most people to tell them. But I was so sick with morning sickness that I'd already told half of my family, asking for prayers. :tongue_smilie:

[countrygal]

AMDG

 

I lived in a teeny tiny town.  I purchased a pregnancy test on Sunday evening.  Monday morning when I arrived at work . . . everyone wanted to know how it turned out!

 

 

LOL! I went to three stores in three different small towns that we live near to buy a PG test (walmart is 40 miles away) and each store had people I knew working there or shopping there, so I couldn't get one! I was afraid of rumors being spread because I already had 2 and 'why' would I want any more??  

 

I usually wait until after 12 weeks. I'm a private person and I would rather miscarry alone as I don't like sympathy and attention or possibly be subjected to rude or harsh comments. Everyone is different in that aspect.

 

I am pg with my 5th right now and I was presently surprised and how no one cares anymore and doesn't ask how many I'm going to have (I'm meaning like church people and acquaintences.) That may bother people but I prefer to not have soooooo many comments from people I don't really know. Family is excited :) :)

[LaCEmom]

We've waited until 13-17 wks w/ each. We've lost a few pregnancies along the way, so I'm always cautious. It's not that I want to suffer in private should the worst happen, but having to "untell" every.single.aquintance is not something I want to have to do.

[Coffeetime]

Yes, we waited quite a bit to tell with #4 and #5. With #5 I had my dh tell family members I knew would have less than enthusiastic or rude reactions. ;)

 

As far as waiting because of the risk of miscarriage- pregnancy news spreads like wildfire, and having to tell a vague acquaintance you just ran into in the grocery store who is loudly congratulating you on your pregnancy that you, in fact, lost the baby just adds to the pain of the loss. After that experience I always told a very few close friends or family members with the stipulation that it be kept on the DL until I was further along. 

[VeganCupcake]

I usually keep it secret as long as is humanly possible, except with a very few very close friends and a few family members. I am a fairly private person. With my first two pregnancies, I was able to keep it under wraps until 20 to 25 weeks (I am very compact when pregnant so it's not that obvious).

 

I'm currently pregnant with twins and it's a little more obvious, but we still didn't tell anyone until 14 weeks (and we didn't know it was twins then).

[Chris in VA]

I didn't wait. Like others have said, I wanted prayers. 

 

YMMV, but I am also of the mindset that life begins at conception, so I already "had" a baby; it was something to celebrate right away, no matter how long that baby lived. 

 

[Hypatia.]

I had some incredibly rude responses to the news of #4 (FIL saying "s**t happens", my dad just walking out of the room (on the phone with stepmom) and getting the gin from the freezer  :glare: ) so I wasn't in any hurry to tell with #5.  My mom found out very early, she was visiting and I was awaiting some beta results since I had 2 losses immediately prior to my pregnancy with the Caboose.

 

The rest of the family?  I just let them figure it out on Facebook after it was blatantly obvious in pictures.  

[MysteryJen]

I was too sick to pretend that I wasn't pregnant. So everyone learned pretty quickly.

 

It is so lonely to have a miscarriage (I lost #6 at 10 weeks and #7 at 20 weeks). It would have been so much worse if no one even knew that I was pregnant.

 

Every woman deserves to be celebrated as a mom, even if it for a short period of time.

[Beth S]

We waited, but it also means that you CANNOT tell your other kids.

I think waiting (to tell about Babies #3-5, after a miscarriage) gave dh & I a chance to make plans and adjustments before having to deal with questions.

I did get: "Was this a surprise?"  But other than that, our truly cheerful replies to the snarky questions can usually smooth the feathers of extended family.

 

[Ripley]

Both times I waited until I was asked, which was around 4-5 months.

 

The only people who knew were my parents. I only told them because my dad and I worked for the same company, and I didn't want my manager (who released me to maternity leave at 5 weeks) to blindside my dad at work with congratulations. My work friends knew because they could see the type of leave I was on.

 

The second time my preschooler prompted me to test.  He dreamt I was pregnant, asked me if it was true, and I realized I didn't remember my last cycle started.  So he and I went to the doctor, and learned I was nine weeks along. I sat on it through the weekend, called my parents Monday morning and my manager that afternoon. I went on maternity leave that day, so work friends knew then. I only let my preschooler in on it because he got the ball rolling; if he hadn't, I'd have kept him in the dark until he figured it out from my parents or me showing.

 

I also believe life begins at conception, but pregnancy isn't a huge announce-worthy deal (for me). I don't mind that others feel differently, and I'm happy to celebrate the pregnancy announcements of friends ... it's just not my gig. 

[texasmama]

I blurted out the news right away all four times, but I didn't really expect bad reactions, and I have not ever had a pregnancy loss so I'm sure that influenced my loose lips.

 

 

[RoughCollie]

My boys had just turned a year old when I found out I was pregnant with DD.  She was 14 weeks along because I thought my abdomen was growing due to a tumor (hence her first nickname:  Tumor Surprise).

 

I told everyone immediately and with great trepidation.  The universal response was loud laughter.  Somehow this stemmed from me having triplets to begin with, which everyone thought proved that God has a great sense of humor.  You know, I guess they thought it was ironic.  I never did see the humor in any of it.

 

Anyway, I always planned to wait a long time, and apparently for me, that is about 5 minutes.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Both times I waited until I was asked, which was around 4-5 months.

 

The only people who knew were my parents. I only told them because my dad and I worked for the same company, and I didn't want my manager (who released me to maternity leave at 5 weeks) to blindside my dad at work with congratulations. My work friends knew because they could see the type of leave I was on.

 

The second time my preschooler prompted me to test.  He dreamt I was pregnant, asked me if it was true, and I realized I didn't remember my last cycle started.  So he and I went to the doctor, and learned I was nine weeks along. I sat on it through the weekend, called my parents Monday morning and my manager that afternoon. I went on maternity leave that day, so work friends knew then. I only let my preschooler in on it because he got the ball rolling; if he hadn't, I'd have kept him in the dark until he figured it out from my parents or me showing.

 

I also believe life begins at conception, but pregnancy isn't a huge announce-worthy deal (for me). I don't mind that others feel differently, and I'm happy to celebrate the pregnancy announcements of friends ... it's just not my gig. 

 

Wow, dismissed for maternity leave as soon as you find out you are pregnant?  Where are you?  That is nice :)

[gardenmom5]

my sil and her dh had an argument that his mother would never ask. so - they didn't tell anyone until his mother asked. (after much unsuccessful hinting)  it was their first.

go ahead and wait, I was probably approaching my 2nd trimester, but things had been difficult and I didn't make a general announcement.  

 

I do know a woman who made an announcement before she even took a test . . . . gee, that's embarrassing when you're NOT pg.

[ErinE]

We waited until 12 weeks for the first three, but had to tell people early with #4. DS11 guessed because I was so sick. We waited until after the ultrasound to tell grands and aunts/uncles. We've made it clear we are excited.

 

For number four, the reactions have been positive. I think the fact that we've talked about having another baby prepared family for the announcement. Oddly enough, baby three got a series of negative reactions: you're crazy, better you than me, AGAIN!!! Some people blurt out the first thought without considering how hurtful it sounds. I finally told someone, "Wow, that's not very nice," and the comments stopped. This time around, I'm ready to say it again right away if anyone has an issue.

[gardenmom5]

We waited until 12 weeks for the first three, but had to tell people early with #4. DS11 guessed because I was so sick. We waited until after the ultrasound to tell grands and aunts/uncles. We've made it clear we are excited.

 

For number four, the reactions have been positive. I think the fact that we've talked about having another baby prepared family for the announcement. Oddly enough, baby three got a series of negative reactions: you're crazy, better you than me, AGAIN!!! Some people blurt out the first thought without considering how hurtful it sounds. I finally told someone, "Wow, that's not very nice," and the comments stopped. This time around, I'm ready to say it again right away if anyone has an issue.

 

I had those - to the "better you than me" - "I agree".  it went over her head.

After DH and I found out, it was almost a month before we told our parents (because I wanted to do it by giving my mom a Nana-to-Be t-shirt for her birthday), who spread it to the rest of the family; another 3 weeks before I told my BFF (she knew as soon as she saw me); 2 more weeks after that before I told my other friends; and then

my dear friend figured it out before me with #4.  apparently, I was being very flaky, and the last time she remembered me being flaky I was pg with #3.

[VeganCupcake]

We waited, but it also means that you CANNOT tell your other kids.

 

So, so true! As soon as we told DD this pregnancy was twins, she was telling everyone she met. Granted, she is only 5, but wow, she's not good at keeping any secrets. We do happen to know babies' sexes, but we haven't told her (or anyone else) because we are not ready for that to be common knowledge as well!

 

[RebeccaS]

I had three kiddos very close in age.  When I found out I was pregnant with ds1, oldest dd was just 2, dd2 was not quite 6 months old and I was so embarrassed to tell people I was pregnant again.  I got a lot of ribbing for dd's being 18 months apart and now #2 and #3 were going to be 14-15 months apart.  I waited until I was a good 5 months along and even then, I let my best friend break the news because I was pretty sure I'd hear about how crazy it was (and I did).  

[Ripley]

Wow, dismissed for maternity leave as soon as you find out you are pregnant?  Where are you?  That is nice :)

 

The first time I was in Florida, the second time in California; both times it was the same US-based company.  It was a great situation. Even better was that I requested (and got) 3 years off after each kid, with no loss in seniority. Neither pregnancy was planned, so it was nice that everything worked out so well.

 

We were required to go on maternity leave/disability at 28 weeks, but most women I knew went long before that.  A few worked until forced leave, but they were usually the family breadwinners or planned to quit once the baby was born (and were stockpiling money while they could).  My counterparts at European companies go on maternity leave or light duty much earlier, which is even nicer. :)

[Chris in VA]

I just want to comment that I'm really quite sorry for those who have to put up with rude and hurtful comments re pregnancy.

 

I have never encountered it. Ever.

 

I totally believe some people are boorish and harsh that way, but gosh, it just makes me feel so sad!

 

I believe every baby should be celebrated!! I don't have anyone in my life who would tell me, to my face, that they thought it was in any way a negative thing to be pregnant. I wouldn't be embarrassed at all if mine were close together. Hugs to anyone who had to put up with that. Indignant hugs!

 

(Aaand clearly that's enough I statements for today!)

[Guest]

"If" I was maybe pregnant with #5....let's just pretend here.....

 

You probably don't understand unless you have 4 or more kids but, well, people are less than excited after #2 and sometimes even rude after #3. Did anyone wait to be open about the pregnancy? Can I wait until people are brave enough to ask? Haha

 

If it makes you feel any better, I always make it a point to be overjoyed when I hear such news, in part because I know moms with many kids will get such negativity from some corners. I fielded a few shockingly horrid responses when I told people my sister was pregnant with her fifth child! I could NOT believe how people who were giddy-happy two babies before were suddenly outright disparaging! 

[lexi]

I usually wait until 18 or 20 weeks. It takes me a while to show.

Then I distract everyone by announcing the gender and letting them argue about names. It helps a little....

[momto10blessings]

I just want to comment that I'm really quite sorry for those who have to put up with rude and hurtful comments re pregnancy.

 

I have never encountered it. Ever.

 

I totally believe some people are boorish and harsh that way, but gosh, it just makes me feel so sad!

 

I believe every baby should be celebrated!! I don't have anyone in my life who would tell me, to my face, that they thought it was in any way a negative thing to be pregnant. I wouldn't be embarrassed at all if mine were close together. Hugs to anyone who had to put up with that. Indignant hugs!

 

(Aaand clearly that's enough I statements for today!)

I wish everyone had this attitude. I don't care if someone has zero kids or twenty kids. And each baby should be celebrated. We've had comments like "are you getting snipped after this one", "is your heater/tv broken?", "do you know what causes that?", "do you really want to take care of another child?", and the list could go on. People are so rude some times!!

[zoobie]

First pregnancy I told my parents immediately, but it unfortunately ended in a miscarriage. My dad and stepmom put us on their church prayer chain and people I didn't really know called, which made me feel very uncomfortable. I know they were just trying to be helpful and likely needed a little comfort too, but it felt violative of my privacy. For pregnancy number 2 and DD1, I was going to wait until later, but I was horribly sick with HG. I lost 28 lbs the first trimester. So that outed me around 7 weeks. With DS, I was sick but not as badly, and we told after the 7-8 week heartbeat ultrasound. With DD2, we told the kids on Christmas morning, after a healthy first trimester screen the week before. Told both of my parents that afternoon. Um, hypothetically speaking with a fourth... I may be telling the kids earlier but would be waiting to tell grandparents after the first trimester screen... It would be wrong to just wait and text my mom of the kid after it's born, right? ;)

[J-rap]

I think we usually waited until I was three months along, except for my immediate family.  Part of the reason for that was that we waited so long to finally become pregnant the first time, that I wanted to make sure it was really true before we spread the wonderful news!  By the time we got around to announcing #5, everyone assumed it was just an accident, which it was not!

[FaithManor]

Because I almost died with both of my first pregnancies, no one in my family thought I should get pregnant again. So we waited 3 months with most people to tell them. But I was so sick with morning sickness that I'd already told half of my family, asking for prayers. :tongue_smilie:

This is why we waited as long as we could with our last. I nearly died

with our third and we were not intending to have more - we used to types of bc at

the time and dh'surgery was scheduled too. We really did not want to deal with

family reactions. We made it close to 20 weeks though at 16 I think some were

suspicious but too polite to ask or too worried to have their fears confirmed.

 

Ai wish we could have kept it under wraps for the duration of the pregnancy.

Dealing with everyone else's emotions was exhausting. Mothers should do what is

best for themselves and not worry about what other people think.

 

Faith

[T'smom]

I don't know how people can wait past 15-16 weeks! I'm 17 weeks now and it is obvious I'm pregnant. I have had people (strangers) ask me when the baby is due.

 

I have both told right away and waited, depending on how I felt about it at the time. But 12-13 weeks is the longest I've waited.

[NicAnn]

With the one we lost, we didn't tell anyone. We were waiting until 12 weeks or so. With my son, I was forced to tell at 3 weeks because I was already so sick, people started wondering what horrible disease I had!

[Soror]

So, I've been wondering if you are or not! You cannot have a massive pregnancy test thread and then no follow-up!!!! We pretty much told right away w/ all of ours as I cannot keep a secret. We had somewhat negative reactions w/ #4 especially. I expected it though.

[ErinE]

So, I've been wondering if you are or not! You cannot have a massive pregnancy test thread and then no follow-up!!!! We pretty much told right away w/ all of ours as I cannot keep a secret. We had somewhat negative reactions w/ #4 especially. I expected it though.

I was getting ready to say the same. So any news to share? We promise we won't tell anyone ;-)

[AHASRADA]

I never told anyone (except dh) before the 12 week mark. At that point, I told my parents and grandparents. Friends and acquaintances waited until 16-20 weeks.

 

I guess I feel that pregnancy is a sacred, personal experience that I don't really want to share with the general public until I am obviously showing.

 

As for adding to a large family or unexpected pregnancy, I didn't even tell dh about #3 until 10 weeks! She was so unexpected, he was under stress about uncertainty in his career, and put off telling him until I needed his help getting to my 1st Dr. appt.!

 

If I was worrying about negative comments from friends or family, I wouldn't tell them until 20 weeks or so. Save yourself a few months of headaches.

[ashfern]

After the not so nice response I got from my mother with #4, we decided to wait until the gender ultrasound at 20 weeks with #5. I did tell my best friend just after I told my husband and the kids knew at 12 weeks. We also had a couple of miscarriages in there and people who hadn't gone through it (my mom & MIL in particular) were not so supportive.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I usually wait until 18 or 20 weeks. It takes me a while to show.

Then I distract everyone by announcing the gender and letting them argue about names. It helps a little....

 

 

This is totally what I am thinking about doing.  Sounds like a great plan, lol.

[Ann.without.an.e]

. I may be telling the kids earlier but would be waiting to tell grandparents after the first trimester screen... It would be wrong to just wait and text my mom of the kid after it's born, right? ;)

 

 

 

Seriously, DH and I have had the same joke in our house.  My parents will be great about it, but his parents will not.  It doesn't alter their lives at all.  They don't eve watch our kids, etc.  When we announced #4, my FIL went on and on about population control and repeated over and over (in front of child #3) that we should have stopped at #2 to keep the world balanced.  She was 5.5, so she understand exactly what he was saying.  He's a very mean, spiteful person and not a single one of us likes being around him.  Very difficult!!!

[wapiti]

Whatever you do, don't tell your youngest until you're ready for the world to know.

[Ann.without.an.e]

So, I've been wondering if you are or not! You cannot have a massive pregnancy test thread and then no follow-up!!!! We pretty much told right away w/ all of ours as I cannot keep a secret. We had somewhat negative reactions w/ #4 especially. I expected it though.

 

 

Wow, did I never follow up on that thread?  So sorry.  Seriously, I thought I had.  I ordered the online tests, go them in and decided to test the next morning but I started my period during the night.  This month, I was very late again and I took a test and it is indeed positive.  I am not sure how far along I am?  I didn't even think about it until now, but that last period could have been a "fake" period and I might be farther along than I think OR it could have been a real period and I am not very far along.  It is complicated  :rolleyes:  I went through a thyroid med change and so my cycles have been so crazy, there is really no telling.

Agh!  Thanks for checking.

 

I did get a positive test and that is why I asked the question -  if that helps ya'll  :D

[ErinE]

Congratulations!!!

 

At the ultrasound, I was further along than expected. Imagine my surprise when I was expecting a little bean, and instead saw arm and leg buds. The official medical diagnosis was that things got "wonky" between nursing and medication.

[Soror]

Congratulations!!!!! It will be exciting to figure out how far along you are....you'll have to remember to update us!

[Ann.without.an.e]

Congratulations!!!!! It will be exciting to figure out how far along you are....you'll have to remember to update us!

 

I'll try my best to remember. I may wait a few weeks to see an OB. No rush, right? I will have my endo draw my labs to check on my hashis anyway. :D

[ErinE]

"If" I was maybe pregnant with #5....let's just pretend here.....

 

You probably don't understand unless you have 4 or more kids but, well, people are less than excited after #2 and sometimes even rude after #3. Did anyone wait to be open about the pregnancy? Can I wait until people are brave enough to ask? Haha

Charleigh, I told my family this week about the pregnancy (DH's family already knew). I've received nothing, but positive reactions. I wouldn't say they were "Oprah's Favorite Things" enthusiastic, but they were polite and smiling. It was a huge relief from something I'd stressed over since the positive test.