Tell me about the living in the Deep South.

[Kathryn]

Some of you live in a very different South than I do. I don't think you can paint the entire South with as broad a brush as is being used here.

[Ellie]

Some of you live in a very different South than I do. I don't think you can paint the entire South with as broad a brush as is being used here.

 

ITA. It's like trying to define "Southern cooking." Um...which part of the South?

[AimeeM]

Some of you live in a very different South than I do. I don't think you can paint the entire South with as broad a brush as is being used here.

 

Agreed. I see friendly, family oriented, tolerant, homeschool friendly in my neck of the woods.

[Joker]

Every time these threads pop up I can't help but laugh at the stereotype that the south is so rampant with racism. I grew up in Texas and have lived in several states since. The most racist place I've ever lived was not in the south (it was in the midwest), and it was so horribly obvious dh and I only lasted a year there. I don't think the midwest as a whole is racist and horrible though. I think there are pockets of this nastiness everywhere and that no state is immune.

 

 

[Samiam]

Every time these threads pop up I can't help but laugh at the stereotype that the south is so rampant with racism. I grew up in Texas and have lived in several states since. The most racist place I've ever lived was not in the south (it was in the midwest), and it was so horribly obvious dh and I only lasted a year there. I don't think the midwest as a whole is racist and horrible though. I think there are pockets of this nastiness everywhere and that no state is immune.

THIS!!

 

 I've lived in the south for the last 20 years (SC, north FL, and NC), though I grew up in the Midwest.  DH is from NY (state, not city).  

 

Let's all come into 2013, shall we?  The South is not some area with a large wall around it.  We live in a global society.   All kinds of people live in the South...not just those that were born and raised on the plantation here (btw, did you know that real plantations don't really exist anymore...most are musuems at this point!).  In our cul-de-sac, we have neighbors originally from Michigan, California, Germany, India, and Rhode Island.   I've have friends both in the Homeschool world, and non-homeschoolers who are just as diverse on their origins...and some that are natives.

 

- None of us use the word "coke" for every type of soda....we call it by the name on the bottle/can...and there is no confusion at restaurants when we order Pepsi, or Dr. Pepper.

-Sweet Tea is not assumed when one orders tea...servers ask if you prefer sweet or unsweet

-Crickets do not chirp when strangers walk into a business.

-Life is not slow.  Well, I guess if you choose for your life to be slow, then it could be...but most of us run around to various appts, activities, errands, etc etc....most people are busy.....thus perhaps that whole "Lets get together for dinner" thing not happening...who has time to host dinner parties!!?!?!?

-Racism....that is EVERYWHERE!!!!  Read the news people, these things are happening all over the country!  I've not seen any racism personally...I also have never once heard or seen a person act or say anything racist the whole time I've lived in the South.  Racism probably wouldn't be directed at me, but I'd imagine someone might say something racist assuming I'd agree or something...nope, never happened.

-Southern Belles??  Haha, that made me laugh.  2013 people.  Teenagers using Facebook, Twitter, texting, doing all the things that teenagers in your state do.  They are not wearing giant hoop dresses and going to cotillions, waving a fan in their face.  

 

So bare bones here.....the people and customs that you have where ever you live....pretty much the same as in the South because ALOT OF SOUTHERNS USED TO LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE!

 

  What may be different:

-Weather...and that will vary WIDELY based on what part of the South....FL gets hurricanes, TN gets blizzards, the west side of South Carolina gets neither, etc.  

 

-Cost of Living...that will vary WIDELY based on what part of the South....high cost of living in big cities...not so much in smaller towns....then again..smaller towns close to big cities often have the HIGHEST cost of living....the appeal of country life with a quick drive to the city comes with a premium.

 

-Public Schools:  Yes, most of the southern states are in the bottom of the rankings among states for public education.  Even with that, there are pockets of good schools too....but we homeschool, don't we?

 

-We don't all eat grits with every meal.  Actually at my house, we never eat grits, ever.

 

-Not everyone has a southern accent.   Those few that I've met with deep accents...it seemed they were often from rural areas.  And that kinda stands out in a crowd...it tends to give you a "country bumpkin" vibe if you have an accent.    Of course, of the millions of people that live in the South that moved here from other areas of the country, they didn't come with Southern accents.  All three of my boys were born in the South..and raised in the South, and none have accents.  My friend does have an accent...she's from New Jersey though. 

 

-Religion:  again, you are not alone if you are not religious, or if you are not Baptist.   Please.   There are MANY churchs that are not of the Baptist orientation.   And MANY people do not go to church, for various reasons.     The ills of society, often blamed on people turning away from God's word...didn't just happen everywhere else, while us Southerners stayed true to the good Book.    People do not start conversations with "Where do you go to church".  Sure there's those that are really adamant about that, and may lead that way.....just like you probably have those in your state.  Just as many may never ask you about your church, may never invite you to their church.  In terms of Catholics, (not sure why this particular group was brought up)...of the four areas in three states I've lived in, every single area had a huge Catholic Diocese, and huge, expensive Catholic schools.    What does that show? You can decide, but also keep in mind, there weren't too many other HUGE church schools run by other Christian denominations in these same areas.   In my current location, we have a HUGE Catholic high school and a HUGE Episcopal high school.   No HUGE Baptist high school though...hmmmm.

-

[Korrale]

I do have more than a few southern friends who do say coke for soda. Every single one of my many southern friends has accents of a varying degree. Only THEY don't think they have an accent. To someone from MN they certainly do.

Not everyone drinks sweet tea but it is prevalent in the southern states. Not so much in the northern states and not even an option for most in the northern states.

Sure, stereotypes don't apply to everyone, everywhere. But they were created for a reason. Usually they are based on a general consensus from what people observe and experience.

 

Catholic community was relevant to the OP because her family is catholic and she would like to be able to insert herself into a Catholic community.

[Pawz4me]

Every single one of my many southern friends has accents of a varying degree. Only THEY don't think they have an accent. To someone from MN they certainly do.

 

And if people from the south went to MN, they would think the people in MN have an accent.  It's really very simple -- If someone from MN comes to the south, then the person from MN has an accent.  If someone from the south goes to MN, then the person from the south has an accent.  And *everybody* has an accent.  Even midwesterners who think they don't.  That accent may be accepted as standard American (i.e., television speak) but it's still an accent.

 

Go into any restaurant here and order tea and the assumption will be that you want iced sweetened tea.  But no waiter or waitress will bat an eye or give it a second thought if you ask for unsweetened.  There will be plenty of pitchers of unsweetened tea sitting right beside the pitchers of sweet tea.  And they'll be happy to bring you some hot water and a tea bag if that's what you want.

 

Nobody here says Coke as the generic for a soda.  Never have.  They'll tell you very specifically what they want.

 

I very, very rarely see racism.  Maybe it's happening and I don't notice, but I don't think so.  I live in a very diverse neighborhood--we have neighbors who are African Americans, neighbors of Hispanic descent, neighbors of Asian descent.  We have Muslim families in our neighborhood.  I'm sure there are plenty of Catholics in our city due to the number of Catholic churches.  There are also two very large, thriving private Catholic schools within ten miles.

 

FWIW, the times we've traveled in the northern and midwestern parts of the country I've never seen anything near the level of diversity we have here.  Not even close.  Although we have always avoided the big cities, so maybe that's where all the diversity is in the north and midwest.  FWIW, our city's population is about 100,000, so not big and yet we have *lots* of diversity.  I think it's possible that the level of diversity here increases the probability that racial incidents could occur (although as I said, I'm not seeing them).  It would be pretty difficult for racism to occur in areas where there is no diversity.

 

The overwhelming majority of people in our neighborhood don't attend church, nor do they care one whit if you do or where you do.  In the last ten years or so I can remember being asked twice where we go.  Both were so unusual that we were shocked.

 

Life used to be a lot slower here when I was a kid.  It's not slow now.  I miss it.  No one will say "we need to have you over for dinner" because nobody has dinner parties.  You might be invited to the occasional cookout if the weather's nice, or to a chicken stew in the fall, but it's not likely to happen too often.  People are just too busy.

 

Schools here vary.  Some are struggling, some are (IMO) very, very good.  It all depends on where you live.  The schools my boys go to are considered very desirable.  We live in a solidly middle/upper middle class area and most parents are very involved in their kids' lives and in their schools (PTOs, booster clubs, other types of parent volunteer positions, etc.).  It makes a difference.

 

The summers here are hot and humid.  The humidity in particular is terrible for me.  The rest of the year makes up for it.  Spring and fall are gorgeous, winters are usually mild with a few inches of snow here and there.  What we get often tends to be a mixture of wet, icy snow, sleet and freezing rain that is extremely treacherous to drive in.  Most schools and many businesses will close for bad weather.  Not because us poor southerners are too stoopid to know how to drive in it (silly stereotype), but because it truly is treacherous and in a typical year we don't get enough of it to make closing things down a big problem.  A professional truck driver from Michigan once told me that he'd much rather drive in a midwestern blizzard (usually dry snow) than in a few inches of the icy stuff we usually get.  Once every few years we'll get a dry, powdery snow and it's a real treat instead of our normal icy mess.  Hurricanes aren't a real big problem inland where I'm at.  We'll get the remnants sometimes, maybe even tropical storm force winds, and sometimes it's enough to take out some trees and power lines.  But it's not normal.  It seems as if we're getting an increasing number of tornadoes, though.  I don't know what's up with that.

 

Keep in mind that winter weather in the south, like everywhere else, is very much affected by elevation.  The winters in our mountains (just 60 to 90 minutes from where we live) are often brutal.  Blizzards are common. The lowest temperature recorded in NC was -34 degrees, which I'm guessing is pretty darn cold by anyone's standards.  That was on top of Mt. Mitchell.  The more eastward you go (and thus the lower in elevation) the milder the winters become.  But the flip side of that, of course, is that the summers become worse.

 

Note that I live in NC, not in the deep south.  I haven't visited that area enough to have anything near an accurate impression.

[Mama Geek]

Dh is a contractor and we have traveled a lot over the last few years.  Throughout my life I have lived in West Virginia, South Carolina, Texas, Alaska, Colorado, Florida and Virginia.  We have lived in small towns to fairly large cities.  The biggest culture shock we had was traveling at Christmas one year from Anchorage, Alaska to Orlando, Florida.  I love Florida, and that is where our home is, but I just couldn't wait to get back to Alaska.  There was just such a stark difference in attitudes that it was shocking.

 

There are good and bad things about all places, for me I find I like more conservative smaller towns, cities are stifling to me.  I do not like cold windy and rainy, give me hot and sunny, cold and sunny, hot and rainy, sunny and windy, but just not all three cold, windy, and rainy at the same time.  I love being near big water...oceans, gulfs, huge lakes and I love the mountains.  People are people and there are good and bad people all over.  Yes it is hard to pick up and move after living somewhere for 6 months to a year, but it has become easier as time goes on and I am getting better at finding things to do in a new place.

 

Dh's last job was outside of New Orleans, we thought we were going to hate it, but ended up really liking that area.  We didn't live in the city, but I did drive in once or twice a week for activities or shopping.  So many of the people there were more friendly than we ever expected.

 

Being successful in a new area depends a lot on your attitude.  If you go into it excited and looking for new opportunities you will find them and that will make a move more enjoyable no matter where you go. 

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Super interesting. Thank you, everyone, for your input. 

 

I think the "We'll have you over for dinner," isn't just a southern hospitality thing. There is an expression in MN, too, "Minnesota Nice," and it's basically super demonstrative. While always a liberal state, we're nothing like the east coast with their bluntness, abrasiveness. Minnesotans tend to be super friendly and warm, and I like that aspect of the south. It would be a hard habit to break now to always speak to the cashier at the gas station, or small talk with whoever you run into. I like that a lot. 

 

I'm also very happy to hear that the services are available for children, special needs, etc., if they are needed. We live in a very rural area (most areas outside of the Twin Cities are rural), and while my daughter qualifies for many services, the actual implementation of them is very challenging. We had thought about moving to the Twin Cities, but we really don't want to...which is why we thought if we had to move, we'd at least try to move somewhere we could hand pick. 

 

I totally get the small town thing, too. Been there, doing that now. It's cute, but it gets old for me...I'd like our family to stand on its own without everyone knowing our family of origin. 

 

I enjoy hearing the differing opinions. Thank you!

I would actually verify what services and social safety nets are available from state government web sites. For example, in many southern states it is much more difficult to qualify for medicaid and other services. Many southern states chose not to expand medicaid with the Affordable Care Act leaving millions of people in a bind:( Also, why the deep south, when the mid-Atlantic states may be an option too?

[ScoutTN]

 You. Are. Not. Kidding. About. The bugs.  

 

The first time I saw a cockroach that big I yelled.   A native of the city told us those are "palmetto bugs, not cockroaches, honey."  Please note, palmetto bug is a euphemism for really-amazingly-big-and-hairy-cockroach.

 

 

 

No palmetto bugs in TN so far and I've been here 15 years.  :hurray:

Lots in MS, AL, GA. Fire ants too.

[Rachel]

 

-Southern Belles??  Haha, that made me laugh.  2013 people.  Teenagers using Facebook, Twitter, texting, doing all the things that teenagers in your state do.  They are not wearing giant hoop dresses and going to cotillions, waving a fan in their face.  

 

Cotillion is very active in my area, no hoop dresses though :).  There is even a hierarchy to which cotillion you get invited to, apparently certain ones are better than others.  Junior league is also quite popular, it varies widely town by town.

[umsami]

Wanted to comment on racism.  If you're white looking, you're probably not going to experience it--and your experience of it will not be the same as somebody of color or who is different. (I'm a Mayflower Society WASP...but I converted to Islam.)   Want to experience it? Put a scarf on your head.   It's the closest a person who is white can come to experiencing it IMHO.  Advantage you have is that you can take it off.  The things I have had said directly to my face, or my kids is shocking.  Yes, it is not everybody.  But it is far worse down South than it was up North.  Why? Perhaps because there are less Muslims here.  I have had people tell me to "go back where I came from."  I have been called a "rag head" and "terrorist".  I had one man start banging on my window at a traffic light, yelling at me, while I was 8 months pregnant with toddlers in the back of my mini-van.  I had another man try to kick me off of a public beach... yelling at me to go back home.  Knowing that I live in a "Stand Your Ground" state, with over a million gun permits and very little regulation--that takes it to a new level.  Is my scarf enough to be seen as threatening? I'm sure some would think so... so does that give them a right to shoot me? Who knows.  I do know that the courts down here do not see a person of color's right to defend themselves and stand their ground the same as a white person's.  I've also been told that because I'm very fair, have blue eyes, and light hair (that sometimes peeks out of my scarf)--I don't even get the full experience as somebody who is brown does.

 

Once again.  If you're in the majority race/religion--or appear to be, it's really tough to judge.  If you have Latino or black friends (real friends--not just acquaintances), ask them.  My good friend from college had letters from the KKK show up in her mailbox in Alpharetta, GA.  She's Chinese-American.  My Desi friends would laugh if you said that it wasn't as bad down here.  So would my black friends.  It absolutely does exist everywhere... but much of the South takes it to a new level.  You can get an idea by looking at hate groups from the SPLC.  

 

Yes, it exists everywhere--but only in the South do I consciously think if I really really need to go to the bathroom or get gas if I stop in certain rural areas.  It's the only place where I've ever felt my life and my children's lives are at danger because of my faith.  Our mosque in Jacksonville was firebombed.  There was the podiatrist in Tampa who had a complete arsenal and planned on attacking many different Muslim organizations in Florida, but of course, he wasn't charged as a terrorist, because he wasn't Muslim.  

 

There's a lot I like about living here, but I still fear for my life and my kids' lives.  I never know who is going to freak out on me.  It's a weird, troubling feeling.

 

 

As for bugs, palmetto bugs are cockroaches on steroids.  Fire ants are just plain evil.  Florida has scorpions, gators, and tons of poisonous snakes.  Blech.  It's not the type of place where I tell my kids to just go play out in the backyard. I need to check for new fire ant hills, etc.  I miss the nice grass of up North. 

[SailorMom]

The racism thing is tough to quantify.  I was friends with some people for a long time before the "N" word came up in conversation.  These are college educated, normal seeming people.  I was truly shocked, told them I never wanted to hear that word again.  I think it was just that they were raised around people saying it all the time..... 

Anyway - there will be groups, pockets, all over the US.  In my experience though, it is more pervasive in the South.

[RootAnn]

How about southern Kansas or somewhere in Oklahoma? Warmer!

 

But, there are those pesky tornados. ....

[elegantlion]

Certain parts of the south have formosan termites, they are flying termites that swarm through certain parts in the spring. They come in through plumbing, open windows, cracks, and such. That and palmetto bugs (the polite term for WTH kind of roach is that!) are the reason my son is still leery of bugs. We lived in a house that had been damaged by the hurricane. Part of the roof had been repaired through my son's room. There was still missing sheetrock in the ceiling that led to the attic. We didn't know about the flying termites when we first moved there and woke up to hundreds of the streaming on ds's bedroom wall one night. 

 

Ironically, the alligators didn't bother me so much. We had two that lived in the state park near us and two tiny ones that spent a period of time in our drainage ditch. Animal control didn't even bother to pick them up. 

 

As for the people, I think it depends on if you move to an area that is used to people moving in and out. That is true everywhere in the country probably. We lived in an area that didn't seem used to "yankees". People told me they knew I wasn't from there because I talked fast. I from the midwest, I would not say I talk fast.  We encountered racism and classism to an extent I've never seen before. KKK had been publically active in our area until the 80s. In a neighboring town a black mayor was elected right after we moved there. First black mayor ever for that town. He died under mysterious circumstances three days before he was to take office. We were not made to feel welcome because dh was a carpenter and construction was not a respected profession in that area. After a few years, I could see why. Dh had money stolen from him by subcontractors. He had one business partner do some dirty dealings, and he was blackmailed by an employer (who was from the north, but trying to expand his "business"). He had one subcontractor try to burn down a house he was working on because he didn't like that dh fired him for other issues. 

 

Do I think all of the south is like this? No. This particular area was not rich with "southern hospitality" we had seen in other areas. We moved there quite open to the experience, hoping to be a part of the community. When it became obvious that wasn't going to happen, we worked to make the best of it. We're no longer there. I miss warm winter, I miss my tall pine trees, and I kind of even miss those two alligators at the state park. 

[mommaduck]

I'm in upstate SC. While in BJU land (BJU is based here), there is a very large Catholic population and it's very homeschool friendly. We have over a half dozen active Catholic parishes, 4 Catholic co-ops that I'm aware of; downtown there are art museums, a children's museum, a zoo, tons of parks all over the upstate.

It's very family friendly AND affordable.

As to education... well, I'll just say that there's a reason most of the private schools are filled to capacity and there's a HUGE homeschool community. There are better schools, but they are often filled to the brim and, frankly, the best school in an all around bad state for education still isn't going to be great.

There are a lot of transplants here - my husband is one and many at his office are from the north (DH is philly born and bred).

Very, very friendly. Picturesque neighborhoods where children still ride their bikes into the late evening, block parties, everybody helps everybody. I thought it was just my subdivision, but I hear similar stories about other neighborhoods around here.

I'm jealous of ya'll up there. I'm on the list, but you all are upstate :(

[rosajo]

I'm curious with the low cost of living, are wages low as well or similar to northern ones? We're in MN and I often think of moving to the south. 

[rosajo]

Knowing that I live in a "Stand Your Ground" state, with over a million gun permits and very little regulation--that takes it to a new level.  Is my scarf enough to be seen as threatening? I'm sure some would think so... so does that give them a right to shoot me? Who knows.  I do know that the courts down here do not see a person of color's right to defend themselves and stand their ground the same as a white person's.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your experience--it's unbelievable that this can happen anywhere. I don't think you should worry about the stand your ground laws in your state however as they have been implemented to protect citizens. Standing your ground simply means that you don't have to prove you were able to run away; it never means you're given a pass to 'fight it out' if there was another way to resolve a violent confrontation or dispute. It's hard to imagine a true life or death situation but experts on self-defense know that a person rarely has the option available to him to run--turning your back on an assailant will put your life at risk. 

 

Obama was instrumental in the implementation of SYG laws in Illinois back in 2004, and did so for the protection of his fellow community, since blacks are also over represented in the victim category. SYG laws simply give you the right to self-defense without having to be rich enough to afford a trial (if a situation is clearly self-defense according to investigations, there's no reason for a full trial). In non-SYG states, innocent people are often punished harshly for having used self-defense because of how often these cases go to trial with the immense financial losses that come with it. It should not be that one has to loose his job, house and all belongings just because he happened to protect himself from an assault. The principle of the reasonable person still applies here and ensures that the police/jury can make a sound judgment on the character of the defendant as well as the circumstances surrounding the incident. 

[rutamattatt]

Loved reading this thread as a Yankee transplant to the Nashville area.

 

My DH and I moved here (about 30 miles outside of the city) 8 years ago.  We are both originally from PA, lived 5 years in Cincinnati, OH and landed here for DH's job.  It was definitely an adjustment moving "down South", but after 8 years we've grown to love it.  It was a process.   ;)

 

Things we noticed that were different:

 

-  The religion thing.  Upon meeting us, most everyone caught our names, exchanges small talk, and then asked "Do you have a church home?" followed by an invitation to a church.  Both DH and I are Christian (I worked for 5 years in ministry), and it still was...weird.  We tried to explain to our Southern friends that this is not anything we have ever been asked or asked of others up north.  It is a fairly common conversation piece down here.  We see a lot of the cultural Christian "thing", and even though we are very actively involved in several ministries at our church, I still giggle to myself about what a bad "southern church woman" I am.  I am always impressed by how pretty women can look down here - hair, make up, beautiful outfits.  It could have become a complex for me, but I am pretty over myself.  (Don't get me started on the multi-BILLION dollar hair bow industry for girls though!  Some of those things are the size of a satellite dish!)

 

- Speaking of religion, the weather is DIVINE.  I grew up near Erie, PA (lake effect snow!) and living here was uh-mazing.  There are a handful of days in the summer when it is just not comfortable to be outside at all, but everything is air conditioned so once you survive the dash from the car to the indoors, you're golden.  Now that we've started homeschooling, we actually do more school in July/August (when it is too hot to be outside) than we do in February/March. We do have some severe weather though.  There doesn't seem to be anything like a pleasant springtime rain shower here.  If it's raining, you're huddled in your most central room with flashlights, shoes on, and bike helmets.  Tornado warnings are not alarming to us now - we have it down to a system.  Our town was hit seven years ago by tornadoes and several folks died.  We have a system, but also a very healthy respect for what can happen.

 

- LOVE the people.  I think a pp hit the nail on the head with the whole "two walls" analogy.  I chat with everyone.  It makes my family laugh when they come down and visit.  We moved to an area where it seems a lot of people have lived here for life, so in some ways it felt challenging to meet some really close friends.  Having said that, we have found that people are extremely kind.  I suffered a concussion a little over a week ago, and have had meals brought to our family from friends who I would not say are in my inner circle.  People seem to jump in to help when they see a need.

 

- Racism.  We see it, but I don't know that it is more noticeable here than it would be up north.  I grew up in a white community up north do race was not an "issue".  There wasn't anything to say in an all white place.  Now I am older, we're in a more diverse community, and I do see/hear things I wish I didn't once in awhile.  Because I was pretty oblivious to race issues as a child/young adult, I don't know that I can say it is for certain the South that has a greater problem with racism, although it feels like it.  My observation is that there are more religious undertones than race.  We have Muslim friends and they have been exposed to some serious unkindness.  Alternative lifestyles are not as well received either here. 

 

- I noticed a huge difference when I moved here about the decision and value of being a SAHM.  It seems much more respected here, a decision more supported and admired.  I think there is more of a "family values" vibe here, but again, that could be skewed by the fact that I am a little older and care less what other people think than I did as a very young mother up north. 

 

- The gun thing.  Dude.  Everyone seems to own and carry a gun.  I come from a family of hunters and gun owners, but my DH and I don't own any.  We have been on the receiving end of "how can you be so irresponsible to not have a gun to protect your family and children?" lectures from well meaning friends.  I know folks who won't walk to their mailboxes without carrying, and there's a man who carries three (THREE!) to church every Sunday.  I love guns, love shooting skeet, and I personally don't have a problem with having a gun safely in the house (DH does and I respect that), but I have never seen people so rabid about guns/gun rights.  

 

- LOVE this area.  LOVE.  L.O.V.E.  We live in what I would consider a more rural area, but there is a darling "town square" for our community with businesses and amenities very nearby.  If you want to live out with some land, go another few miles down the road and you've got acres to your heart's content.  It suits me because I grew up in rural NW PA.  If feels like home in that respect, only I don't have to drive 40 minutes to get to the nearest McDonalds.   ;)  Nashville is AWESOME.  Professional sports, concerts, conventions, history, museums, library, art, and of course, music.  Vanderbilt is here with world class medical care.  There is so much to see and do.  We are never bored, and it is a fun city to show folks who are visiting.

 

- Homeschooling here seems very normal.  No one bats an eye.  Lots and lots of home school coops, groups, moms support groups, classes, etc.  We did public school for a few years and didn't have a bad experience, but home schooling has been a very, very good choice for us and we don't take any grief for that.  Our daughter has some special challenges, and we have found the school district has been helpful with testing, recommendations, etc.  I do think it helps that I am friends with one of the local principals though.

 

There's good and bad to most anything in life, and that's true of the south.  Or the north.  For us, the good far outweighs the negative, but every so often even after 8 years, we still have moments here and there of "We are not in Kansas anymore, Toto!"  But I wouldn't hesitate to encourage folks to move where we are.  

[brehon]

THIS!!

 

 I've lived in the south for the last 20 years (SC, north FL, and NC), though I grew up in the Midwest.  DH is from NY (state, not city).  

 

Native Texan (6th generation) here.

 

Let's all come into 2013, shall we?  The South is not some area with a large wall around it.  We live in a global society.   All kinds of people live in the South...not just those that were born and raised on the plantation here (btw, did you know that real plantations don't really exist anymore...most are musuems at this point!).  In our cul-de-sac, we have neighbors originally from Michigan, California, Germany, India, and Rhode Island.   I've have friends both in the Homeschool world, and non-homeschoolers who are just as diverse on their origins...and some that are natives.

 

- None of us use the word "coke" for every type of soda....we call it by the name on the bottle/can...and there is no confusion at restaurants when we order Pepsi, or Dr. Pepper.  Erm...yes, I do.  I grew up in Houston and everyone I knew (family & friends) ALL used "coke" to mean generic sodas.

-Sweet Tea is not assumed when one orders tea...servers ask if you prefer sweet or unsweet Where I was born and raised AND where I now live sweet tea is the default.  You have to specify unsweetened tea; though, there are places where servers will ask which kind you prefer.

-Crickets do not chirp when strangers walk into a business.  True enough

-Life is not slow.  Well, I guess if you choose for your life to be slow, then it could be...but most of us run around to various appts, activities, errands, etc etc....most people are busy.....thus perhaps that whole "Lets get together for dinner" thing not happening...who has time to host dinner parties!!?!?!?

-Racism....that is EVERYWHERE!!!!  Read the news people, these things are happening all over the country!  I've not seen any racism personally...I also have never once heard or seen a person act or say anything racist the whole time I've lived in the South.  Racism probably wouldn't be directed at me, but I'd imagine someone might say something racist assuming I'd agree or something...nope, never happened.  I agree racism is everywhere.  However, I wouldn't presume to judge anyone's experiences based on my own.  My impression is the the racism in the South is more "in your face", not insiduously hidden as in other places.  By the way - this doesn't make racism right.

-Southern Belles??  Haha, that made me laugh.  2013 people.  Teenagers using Facebook, Twitter, texting, doing all the things that teenagers in your state do.  They are not wearing giant hoop dresses and going to cotillions, waving a fan in their face.  While young women no longer wear hoop dresses and certainly make full use of modern social media, cotillions are still around.  They may not be as prevelant; but, make no mistake, you don't have to look hard to find one in your area.

 

So bare bones here.....the people and customs that you have where ever you live....pretty much the same as in the South because ALOT OF SOUTHERNS USED TO LIVE WHERE YOU LIVE!

 

  What may be different:

-Weather...and that will vary WIDELY based on what part of the South....FL gets hurricanes, TN gets blizzards, the west side of South Carolina gets neither, etc.  Texas gets it all, depending on where you live.  It's not unusual for various parts of the state to be under opposite federal disaster declarations - flood, drought, hurricane, tornadoes, etc.

 

-Cost of Living...that will vary WIDELY based on what part of the South....high cost of living in big cities...not so much in smaller towns....then again..smaller towns close to big cities often have the HIGHEST cost of living....the appeal of country life with a quick drive to the city comes with a premium.

 

COL is dependent on many things -- state income tax (or lack thereof), property taxes, geography, etc -- and can vary widely even within states. 

 

-Public Schools:  Yes, most of the southern states are in the bottom of the rankings among states for public education.  Even with that, there are pockets of good schools too....but we homeschool, don't we?

 

-We don't all eat grits with every meal.  Actually at my house, we never eat grits, ever.

 

I love grits, grew up eating them.  And I'm bummed that it's harder these days to find true white hominy grits. <sigh>

 

-Not everyone has a southern accent.   Those few that I've met with deep accents...it seemed they were often from rural areas.  And that kinda stands out in a crowd...it tends to give you a "country bumpkin" vibe if you have an accent.    Of course, of the millions of people that live in the South that moved here from other areas of the country, they didn't come with Southern accents.  All three of my boys were born in the South..and raised in the South, and none have accents.  My friend does have an accent...she's from New Jersey though. 

 

I think everyone has an accent, maybe just not a stereotypical or obvious one. 

 

-Religion:  again, you are not alone if you are not religious, or if you are not Baptist.   Please.   There are MANY churchs that are not of the Baptist orientation.   And MANY people do not go to church, for various reasons.     The ills of society, often blamed on people turning away from God's word...didn't just happen everywhere else, while us Southerners stayed true to the good Book.    People do not start conversations with "Where do you go to church".  Sure there's those that are really adamant about that, and may lead that way.....just like you probably have those in your state.  Just as many may never ask you about your church, may never invite you to their church.  In terms of Catholics, (not sure why this particular group was brought up)...of the four areas in three states I've lived in, every single area had a huge Catholic Diocese, and huge, expensive Catholic schools.    What does that show? You can decide, but also keep in mind, there weren't too many other HUGE church schools run by other Christian denominations in these same areas.   In my current location, we have a HUGE Catholic high school and a HUGE Episcopal high school.   No HUGE Baptist high school though...hmmmm.

 

OP, I live in an area with a large diocese - you'd have no problem finding a Catholic community in Central TX.  [Ellie and I live in the same general area.]  As for the rest, I really think that is dependant on where you live.  You can't simply paint the entire South with one giant brush and expect to be accurate. 

 

OP, I think the thing to remember is that (as has been said by other posters) the South is not a huge monolithic area.  It is incredibly diverse - geographically, politically, socio-economically, religiously, and every other way you can think.  Research your options.  There have been some wonderful portraits presented by various posters in various areas in the South.

[Ellie]

 

-Not everyone has a southern accent.   Those few that I've met with deep accents...it seemed they were often from rural areas.  And that kinda stands out in a crowd...it tends to give you a "country bumpkin" vibe if you have an accent.    Of course, of the millions of people that live in the South that moved here from other areas of the country, they didn't come with Southern accents.  All three of my boys were born in the South..and raised in the South, and none have accents.  My friend does have an accent...she's from New Jersey though. 

 

 

There are over 200 Southern dialects, or accents. Identifying which dialect someone speaks with is a job for experts. I can identify Outer Banks (North Carolina), and sometimes I think I can identify Oklahoma, but that's about it. :-)

 

If the parents have accents, their dc are more likely to have the same accent (or none at all), regardless of where they grow up. Mr. Ellie was born and raised in San Diego; his mother was from the Ozarks and not very well educated. Although Mr. Ellie doesn't exactly have an accent, he does have some of the speech patterns that his mother had (and, like her, he struggles to properly pronounce some words. Thirty-nine years of marriage to me has helped quite a bit, lo.)

 

Most of the native Texans I meet here have accents--a lovely accent, I might say. :-) Of course, most of the native Texans I meet here are second or third generation Texans...or more. Their accent is nothing like the northeastern Virginia accent my cousins have, which is not like the accent their neighbors on the same street have (the parents are from some place other than northeastern Virginia), nor like the accent a couple of my good friends have, who were also raised in Norfolk and whose parents are from Kentucky. And *none* of those accents are in the category I would place the "country bumpkin" accent.

[texasmama]

OP, I think the thing to remember is that (as has been said by other posters) the South is not a huge monolithic area.  It is incredibly diverse - geographically, politically, socio-economically, religiously, and every other way you can think.  Research your options.  There have been some wonderful portraits presented by various posters in various areas in the South.

This is so true.  I am a lifelong Texan except for five years living in Maryland.  There are probably more similarities between small town life and large, metropolitan life, no matter where you are in the country versus similarities between small towns and metropolitan areas in the same state. 

 

I have a slight southern accent, I am told.  I know people with very heavy Southern drawls and some who would absolutely qualify as "country bumpkin". 

 

In North Central Texas where I live, I would not consider it the "Deep South".  I love living here, but it is home to me.  :)

[Berta]

I'm curious with the low cost of living, are wages low as well or similar to northern ones? We're in MN and I often think of moving to the south. 

 

We left NJ with no jobs and no prospects of job when we moved to SC. Within 2 weeks my DH had a job with higher pay, doing the same work he did in NJ. Our mortgage went from $2000 a month to under $450 a month. The cost of meats is a little higher, everything else is less or close to it.

 

I have a mixed race family. I am white, two of my kids are Hispanic, one is white and one is Chinese. I have seen/felt racism here from both white and black folks. I experienced it in NJ too, but it's much more in-your-face down here. I have found that a lot of the stereotypes listed in prior posts are true. Even so, I would never move back north. I LOVE living in SC.

[OneStepAtATime]

My family is in a frigid climated, northern, liberal state of Minnesota. We've always lived here, and we love our community. I posted a few weeks ago about one of my children who has significant special needs, and while our family leans pretty conservative, it has been nice that in our state that our daughter gets the special services she needs. 

 

I know that the deep south is a totally different world from the one I live in, and we've contemplated a total move south because there are parts that seem better suited for us, but I really want to know about life and community in the south. Is there an objectively better state if we were to consider moving? I've visited Louisiana and loved it, but I wouldn't move there because of the hurricanes. What can any share about life in Tennesse, or Alabama? The good and bad. 

 

Our family is Catholic, too, and I'd want to be in a "pocket" of Catholics, which I know is tricky. There is definitely a Minnesota culture, and I am genuinely wanting to know about the modern southern culture. Thanks!

To get back to your original post, I think you could probably find some great places in the South and some lousy places in the South, depending on where you go and your willingness to be open-minded when you get there.  I have moved over 30 times.  I have lived in many locations in the South, Northeast, Mid-West and West coast.  I have had extended stays in Minnesota and other parts North.  The biggest factor I found in being able to live happily in any of these areas was my willingness to be honest about who I am and what I believe, without being threatening or defensive or making assumptions about other people.  I also found that as long as I was willing to listen to others, they were willing to listen to me, and if I was willing to go the extra mile to find and make friends, most of the time I was rewarded with great friendships.  I also found there are always trade-offs with weather.  No place is perfect.  If you want to avoid Hurricanes, avoid the coast line, but you don't have to avoid an entire State.  These states are BIG.  Adapting to the heat would be the bigger concern, IMHO.

 

Mainly, you need to be honest with yourself about how much you are willing to work to get to know people and how adaptable you are to culture, climate, etc.  Having moved all over, I have learned to be flexible and open minded with people, cultures, habits, etc. while also being comfortable with myself and who I am.   I have friends who are staunch Republicans, staunch Democrats and who are somewhere in between.  I have friends who are Catholic, Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist plus a few Agnostics and Atheists.  The common thread that keeps us enjoying each other's company?  We are accepting that not everyone believes as we do, but we can still share our beliefs and feelings without judgement.  We have had some amazing conversations and experiences over the years and I cherish each one of their view points.

 

Minnesota, by the way, is beautiful and I love the emphasis on education in many communities up there.  Groves Academy in Minneapolis is a great school for kids with dyslexia and other learning issues and my kids did awesome there in the summer program they offer.  If you have a child with special needs, what you really need is research into what communities offer what.  Where I live, unfortunately, I have few resources.  I have even had to educate my pediatrician.  They just don't have a big knowledge base here.  But I know that Austin, Houston, Dallas and San Antonio have more to offer because I have friends living there that have had access to schools, facilities, etc. that were able to help them.  There are other states, too, with areas that can offer great services and areas where you may find yourself in real difficulties.  It really depends on the location.

 

There really is a lot of stereotyping going on in this post that does not really necessarily reflect reality.  As others have mentioned, even things like sweet tea are being misrepresented with blanket statements.  Are there restaurants that serve sweet tea and that is the norm?  Sure.  Are there restaurants that offer you a choice of sweet or unsweat?  You bet.  Are there restaurants that don't even offer sweet tea, but you can sweeten it yourself?  Yep.  

 

In seeking general information, keep in mind that while there might be trends within a state or community, every state has a wide variety of people and therefore a wide variety of experiences for you to encounter.

[boscopup]

I'm curious with the low cost of living, are wages low as well or similar to northern ones? We're in MN and I often think of moving to the south. 

 

When my DH graduated college, he was offered a job in Boston for $x amount salary. That salary would have allowed him to rent a small apartment in town and take the subway to where he needed to go. Here in AL, he was offered a job for less than half the Boston salary. He took the one down here. Why? Because with that smaller salary, he was able to buy an 1800 sq.ft. 3 bedroom house in a decent neighborhood (house was built in the 80s, so it was considered "old" for that area... yes, that's 1980s :tongue_smilie:) and buy a nice 4-door sedan, brand new.

 

Of course, wages will vary all over the south. My area has a pretty good wage/col ratio. Other areas in my state aren't quite so good. It will also depend on what field of work you're in. Engineers here get paid pretty well. The manager of the Burger King, probably not so much (though that manager can still afford to have a used car and rent a decent apartment).

[OneStepAtATime]

I'm curious with the low cost of living, are wages low as well or similar to northern ones? We're in MN and I often think of moving to the south. 

 

 

When my DH graduated college, he was offered a job in Boston for $x amount salary. That salary would have allowed him to rent a small apartment in town and take the subway to where he needed to go. Here in AL, he was offered a job for less than half the Boston salary. He took the one down here. Why? Because with that smaller salary, he was able to buy an 1800 sq.ft. 3 bedroom house in a decent neighborhood (house was built in the 80s, so it was considered "old" for that area... yes, that's 1980s :tongue_smilie:) and buy a nice 4-door sedan, brand new.

 

Of course, wages will vary all over the south. My area has a pretty good wage/col ratio. Other areas in my state aren't quite so good. It will also depend on what field of work you're in. Engineers here get paid pretty well. The manager of the Burger King, probably not so much (though that manager can still afford to have a used car and rent a decent apartment).

 

I agree, wages will definitely vary by area and by job type, but as boscopup said, for the most part property is cheaper in the south, at least in my experience.  I live in a 5 bedroom home with a pool and an enormous yard with lots of trees and flowering plants.  Our mortgage?  $1300 a month, and that is for a 15 year note, not a 30.  However, our electric bill in the summer is sometimes $550-650.  In the winter?  Maybe $150...  My husband's company wanted us to move to one of two metropolitan areas up north.  For $1300 we would have been in a 2 bedroom one bath rental apartment with no yard, even with a salary increase.  We turned them down.  There is a trade off, though.  Where we are located there are fewer options for field trips, museums, quality extra curricular activities for the kids, the homeschooling groups are scattered and small and you have to be very diligent in who you go to for medical care.  A move to a town near a larger metropolitan area would give us more and easier access to many of these things.  If we stayed south, but were offered something nearer a bigger city, we would seriously consider it, even if it meant giving up our lovely home.

 

Not to bash the north, by the way.  I loved Minnesota, Washington D.C., Virginia, the Carolinas, Maryland, Canada, Colorado, etc.  At this juncture, though, with a lot of family having moved south and joint issues, property prices, etc.  we would prefer to stay south.

[My3girls]

Born and raised in the South. I'm originally from TN, lived in NC for a short time, and now live in GA. As for accents, I'm often asked where I am from down here, because I don't have a strong southern accent. However, if I travel out of the south, people immediately pick up my southern accent. Lol Yes, our general term for a carbonated beverage is coke not soda or pop. It's called the Bible Belt down here for a reason. You cannot drive a mile without seeing a church, and if you live outside of a major city don't count on being able to buy liquor or beer on Sunday. As for racism, it's not just against people of color. There are places that white people just don't go for their own safety. I've travelled enough to see this everywhere, though, not just in the south. Love all the mentions of Vandy. It's my alma mater. And yes, SEC football is huge down here. TN,FL, and TX don't have state income taxes, and generally speaking the cost of living is cheaper. Everyone is friendly and polite. I have tons of aquaintences, but really close friends are hard to come by.

 

I'd say moving from the north be prepared for the heat, for the city to shut down for any snow or ice, and for the school systems to be lacking in most rural and inner city areas. If you can live in the upper income areas of the suburbs, you'll have better luck with that.

[jnaj]

We moved to Nashville a few months ago from California. We have lived in several states, and we absolutely love middle TN. It is a good mix of the places we have lived, and we live about 25 min south of downtown Nashville. There really is a lot to do here, the cost of living is better, the scenery is beautiful, and people are very friendly. We haven't really explored everything yet, but so far we love it. There are very distinct parts of town, so you really have a wide variety of options when it comes to things to do and places to eat etc. There are some great farmer's markets out here, and the homeschooling community is huge.

 

I would totally be down for a WTM Nashville get together btw ;)

 

 

[Shifra]

Umsami, I am really sorry about your brutal experiences! :grouphug:  I just wanted to say that I am an Orthodox Jew, and I usually cover my hair with a scarf or hat (occasionally, I wear a wig). My husband and son wear skullcaps or other hats. When we are in Dallas, we do not feel uncomfortable (most of the time), but in the more rural areas, my husband makes sure to have a supply of baseball caps in the car for himself and my son to avoid antisemitic incidents. We have never had any problems, thankfully, but we always have it at the back of our mind. However, we have had people make antisemitic comments about how all Jews are rich (my husband is in education so we are not rich by a long shot). So yes, I would agree with you that differences from the majority are not always respected.

 

However, I do want to say to the OP that here in Dallas I have meet through La Leche League many Catholic women and during my 18 years in Dallas they have opened a very large Catholic high school, John Paul II High School, in the suburb of Plano. Since this is Texas, many of the Catholics are Hispanic, and most Catholic churches do hold mass in Spanish (which at the big cathedral downtown, is very well attended!), in addition to English.

 

Dallas is very hot in June, July and August (weather in the 100Fs is not uncommon) but is not as humid as Baltimore (where I grew up). After my first year here, I would joke that November, December and January make up for June, July and August. It does get cold every year here (in the 40Fs) and about every three years it freezes for a few days. Every few years it snows. We want it to freeze because supposedly the bugs are not as bad the following summer! But true winter weather only lasts about 6 weeks, so don't get rid of your winter clothes!

 

Homeschooling in Texas is pretty much laissez faire: you don't have to report to the Board of Education with no requirements of testing. As far as other liberal issues are concerned, while most people in Dallas are very conservative in general, if you have a liberal lifestyle, you will not be alone: there are Whole Foods and other health food stores all over the city, organic foods are common in mainstream supermarkets, homebirth and lay midwives, while not common, are legal and easy to find, and breastfeeding in public is legal.

 

And like you, Umsami, I miss the green grass of the East Coast!  :laugh:

[shawthorne44]

I'm curious with the low cost of living, are wages low as well or similar to northern ones? We're in MN and I often think of moving to the south. 

 

I have a friend who interviewed and was offered an engineering job at Seagate in Minneapolis.  The pay seemed to be about the same as a similar job in the DFW area. 

 

He did not take the job because he asked why the floor was so messed up by a certain entrance.  He was told that the engineers brought their car batteries in and lined them up in the hallway, so that the battery would be warm enough to start when they went home.  The thought of having to worry about keeping his battery warm freaked him out, and he decided to not take the job. 

 

From what I have seen to get a noticeable location pay increase from here you would have to go to someplace like California or the Northeast. 

[zenjenn]

I did not read all the responses - but I have lived in Huntsville, Alabama for 6 years now after living the first 31 years of my life in Southern California (Los Angeles and Orange County).

 

The husband (also a native Californian) and I couldn't be happier. Huntsville is a great community with a lot of highly educated people and quite a bit of culture for a city of its size, but also small enough not to come with the negative aspects of a big city. I feel like I escaped all the negatives of So Cal without giving up many of the positives. (Even the weather - where we could afford to live was so far inland it was blistering hot in the summer and times of freezing in the winter. Frankly, northern Alabama is about the same all things considered.)

 

Yes, you get into the rural areas in Alabama and you can observe some of the stereotypes come alive, but I don't think in most areas it's as bad as some people say, and it really doesn't impact my life.

 

Great homeschooling community here, too. We are in easy driving distance of Nashville, Birmingham, and Chattanooga, and I while I like to visit all of those cities, I am glad I live in Huntsville! While it's primarily Baptist here, there are several Catholic churches. I'm Jewish and the small size of the Jewish community is probably my biggest criticism of the area. But as a Catholic you'd be fine.

[momtoamiracle]

Dh is a contractor and we have traveled a lot over the last few years. Throughout my life I have lived in West Virginia, South Carolina, Texas, Alaska, Colorado, Florida and Virginia. We have lived in small towns to fairly large cities. The biggest culture shock we had was traveling at Christmas one year from Anchorage, Alaska to Orlando, Florida. I love Florida, and that is where our home is, but I just couldn't wait to get back to Alaska. There was just such a stark difference in attitudes that it was shocking.

 

There are good and bad things about all places, for me I find I like more conservative smaller towns, cities are stifling to me. I do not like cold windy and rainy, give me hot and sunny, cold and sunny, hot and rainy, sunny and windy, but just not all three cold, windy, and rainy at the same time. I love being near big water...oceans, gulfs, huge lakes and I love the mountains. People are people and there are good and bad people all over. Yes it is hard to pick up and move after living somewhere for 6 months to a year, but it has become easier as time goes on and I am getting better at finding things to do in a new place.

 

Dh's last job was outside of New Orleans, we thought we were going to hate it, but ended up really liking that area. We didn't live in the city, but I did drive in once or twice a week for activities or shopping. So many of the people there were more friendly than we ever expected.

 

Being successful in a new area depends a lot on your attitude. If you go into it excited and looking for new opportunities you will find them and that will make a move more enjoyable no matter where you go.

 

Where outside of new Orleans did you live? I'm from Louisiana and always found people around there to be very friendly. Most people in southern Louisiana are very friendly, it's very common to have conversations with perfect strangers in the store, or wherever you go. It's quite normal, and nobody even cares if you join in a conversation with people you never met.

 

 

 

I found people in Nebraska to be extremely friendly, I could just never take the cold winters there...I'm spoiled to my mild winters. I don't like the humidity we get down here but I sure tolerate it better than the cold. When it gets below 60 I try not to leave my house. Seriously.

[FriedClams]

My kids are 11 and 12, and having lived in the Deep, Deep South their entire lives they do not have the slightest hint of an accent. Except on occasion the word "pie". That one is too fun to say in a deep southern accent.

 

I am a Yankee, but I don't sound like it (unless I'm in Boston, then I revert back with enthusiasm!). My DH also does not have an accent, (unless we're in a diner somewhere rural in the south, and then he reverts..  LOL!!!). Our kids attend church and other activities, but they don't pick it up. To me there are a million Southern dialects, some are beautiful and litling, others scream at me in a rather unpleasant manner  - so we work to not have any. I freely admit to correcting my kid's pronounciation if they bring any new words or twang home with them from an activity. For example, there is heaven and the other place, not heaven and "hail" as their friend told the, Really - we had this converstation at the dinner table once. We also travel North for about a month a year, so they get exposure there, too. They laugh in Boston ... a lot. That hurts me. To the core. :-) LOL!!!!

 

It was rather shocking to me when my friend's kids, raised in homes with very little accent, came home from first grade (public school) with the STRONGEST accents. Apparently whoever teaches you letter sounds has a strong and direct impact on your general pronounciation, even if you're already talking. Very intersting, though at times pretty shocking. Probably a super interesting thesis for a speech doctorate.