the response "I could never do that" from non-homeschoolers, pos or neg?

[sassenach]

I, too, remember saying this phrase before I homeschooled. I think it came from insecurity in my own choices.

 

My standard response is, "We love it." Or, "it really works for our family." When someone starts running down their list of reasons they couldn't do it, I will say, "Don't worry, I'm not recruiting!"

[G5052]

Of course they are skeptical. If they do not know people who homeschool and have not researched it, I would find this the normal response. If anything, I marvel at people who do not have the above questions. From reading on these boards, I find that even homeschoolers are asking those very same questions.

 

Like it or not, we are still very much the minority. I expect all kinds of odd comments, some uninformed and some nasty.  Like any other parenting choice that isn't mainstream, you're going to run into questions and criticism.  And some that are genuinely curious too.  

 

I was talking with a relative the other day that was ranting about homeschoolers not teaching their children about the U.S. government.  When I got a word in, I asked her if she was just venting or really had a point to make because ***YES*** my children have/will have a course in U.S. government in high school.  That ended that.  I adore this person, but she is uninformed.  Life goes on.  Now she knows that I am not one of "those" homeschoolers.

[lorisuewho]

I was talking with a relative the other day that was ranting about homeschoolers not teaching their children about the U.S. government.  When I got a word in, I asked her if she was just venting or really had a point to make because ***YES*** my children have/will have a course in U.S. government in high school.  That ended that.  I adore this person, but she is uninformed.  Life goes on.  Now she knows that I am not one of "those" homeschoolers.

Maybe I am oblivious, but I would think most homeschoolers would have a course in U.S. government. I mean, most homeschoolers seem to use a box curriculum and most boxes contain a course in government.

Where would the idea that homeschoolers don't teach about government come from?

[Dmmetler]

Usually, when I've heard that, it often really is "I wish I could, but I can't because of...(needing to work, having a special needs child who I don't feel I can manage, health issues....)" HSing is generally seen as positive around here-although most parents profess to love their DC's PS, there's a pretty strong understanding that PS isn't all that great in these parts, and many of the churches encouraging HSing unless they have a private school (and sometimes even then).

 

 

Honestly, about 3/4 of the excuses are just that-them excusing themselves for not doing something that, at some level, they feel they should do.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I get that response and usually think "you're right, you couldn't" and take brief comfort in my smug omnipotence. Other times I think more people could do it than think they can do it. I hate "good for you." It's such a throw away usually lacking meaning.

[sunshine clementine]

i take the comment as a non-negative filler as well..and i've never had anyone say it to me in a rude way..but i hate this comment!  i feel as though it puts me on the defensive in having to explain how I 'do it.'  Then, it leads me into more explaining and almost justifying myself I feel like..when in the beginning I never really want to talk to random people about my childrens' education to begin with.  I mean I don't ask the cashier at wal-mart whether or not her publicly educated children are reading on a level close to their peers..I don't ask my hair-dresser if her children get enough time with her and dear old dad, and if they are providing the children with enough extra curricular activities.  :lol:

Me personally, I just wish there was a way to deflect any and all conversations about homeschooling..the WHY and HOW I do it, without being incredibly rude to people. 

[Dmmetler]

Like it or not, we are still very much the minority. I expect all kinds of odd comments, some uninformed and some nasty.  Like any other parenting choice that isn't mainstream, you're going to run into questions and criticism.  And some that are genuinely curious too.  

 

I was talking with a relative the other day that was ranting about homeschoolers not teaching their children about the U.S. government.  When I got a word in, I asked her if she was just venting or really had a point to make because ***YES*** my children have/will have a course in U.S. government in high school.  That ended that.  I adore this person, but she is uninformed.  Life goes on.  Now she knows that I am not one of "those" homeschoolers.

 

I got that at Sunday School one week. Except that this happened to be the year that DD and I were doing American History-and I pulled out my iPad, which had the Federalist papers, constitution, Declaration of Independence, etc on it-with DD's notations.  Kind of shut him up when he realized that my 7 yr old was reading and learning about primary source documents...

[lorisuewho]

I'm wondering why people bring up the question to me about homeschooling and then respond in such a way as to "I could never do that." What do they want me to say? Anything I say would seem to be a criticism of their choice. That is why I just vaguely smile. I guess what I really feel is trapped; like I am supposed to respond to something that has no correct response.

[SKL]

We are all different.  I do not understand why some of you are saying "I could never do that" requires you to [defensively] list all the reasons why *you* can do it.  I used to read in 10 languages every morning, just because I wanted to.  (About half of those languages use non-Roman scripts.)  If someone said "I could never do that" I would take that to mean they are not wired for that kind of thing.  I would not take it to mean that there is something wrong with the fact that I *can* do it.

 

I can't stand to eat more than a bite or two of steak.  That's just me.  I have no opinion whatsoever about the fact that for most Americans, steak is a very appetizing dinner.  So far I have never had anyone get offended and try to explain why it is OK that they like steak.

 

I think some people are a little too sensitive about this - and I do realize it's probably because there are people out there who do think homeschooling is wrong.  I really think most people are neutral on homeschooling or they realize they do not know enough to form an opinion.  And also, their opinion of it would change if they knew someone "normal" who homeschooled.  I'm reminded of my grandmother, who used to believe in (and spout) racial stereotypes, and then she would note that she had good friends in those racial categories, who were wonderful people.  Of course, she was older so her filter had expired . . . .

[Word Nerd]

I don't see it as being about the person being addressed but about the person saying it; it's a possible indication that the speaker is putting up a subtle boundary and doesn't want to be convinced or pressured to homeschool. Most of the time I think it's an automatic response that isn't given much thought. 

[LucyStoner]

I really have to agree that I think people are often too sensitive about this. When I make an unusual choice, I will be unusual. It's not all that much different than people being incredulous or surprised when we used cloth diapers. "I could never do that." Well, it's not as much work as I thought it would be and it is what works best for us. No need to take offense.

 

Sometimes people will, with varying degrees of knowledge, ask questions. Because it is unusual. People are more, in general, curious or unfamiliar with homeschooling than they are malicious or negative. At the very worst, most people are more guilty of being a pat conversationalist than of being negative. This applies to all the stuff that people take offense to in the so called mommy wars as well.

 

There is no need to be passive agressive or smart alecky with responses. Why waste energy worrying about what they may think?

 

Yup, it is nice. Lucky me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Well, when I'm tired and cranky and someone uses that stock line on me, my mental thought is "Then don't."  I haven't been cranky enough to say it out loud though.  But really, who cares if they can't do it.  I don't have a sign out saying "I want YOU to homeschool."  This is my private decision.  If you don't feel like you can do it, then don't.    (Oops.  I might be a bit cranky this morning. . . )

[G5052]

Maybe I am oblivious, but I would think most homeschoolers would have a course in U.S. government. I mean, most homeschoolers seem to use a box curriculum and most boxes contain a course in government.

Where would the idea that homeschoolers don't teach about government come from?

 

She lives in a very hands-off state for homeschoolers.  One of her volunteer jobs involves interviewing students for scholarships from a very generous local foundation.  And she ends up interviewing every possible type of homeschooler.  I hear the horror stories from her of course. And there are indeed some that don't teach government.  The public and private school students all have a government class.

[Tsuga]

"Yeah, you probably couldn't."

 

(ok, that is what I would LIKE to say, but I don't.)

 

Along the same lines, in a jokey way: "Not with that attitude you couldn't!"

 

(It's funny and you get them back... :)

 

 

 

Me personally, I just wish there was a way to deflect any and all conversations about homeschooling..the WHY and HOW I do it, without being incredibly rude to people.

 

"You know, I'd love to explain it to you but I've been thinking about it all day so I'm a bit tired of it right now. If you're interested in considering it, I'd be happy to set up a time and go over our decisions and what we do with you, during my working hours when I'm doing curriculum development."

 

Most people will decline, but those who don't will be truly interested.

[sunshine clementine]

I don't see it as being about the person being addressed but about the person saying it; it's a possible indication that the speaker is putting up a subtle boundary and doesn't want to be convinced or pressured to homeschool. Most of the time I think it's an automatic response that isn't given much thought. 

i never thought about it in those terms, that someone would feel like a homeschool parent would pressure them or convince them that homeschooling is the ONLY way..but thinking about some of the hs moms that i know personally, that isn't too far fetched.  maybe instead of me worrying about how people make ME feel..I should think about how THEY feel.

[MomatHWTK]

Please tell us how you responded, because I can think of about 10 different things to say that range from dismissive to cutting, and I'd just like to live vicariously through you for a moment.

 

 

Honestly, to that one I'd probably respond, "Yeah, well I've always been a rebel."  When I did get a look recently as we mentioned homeschool, I came back quickly with "I'm a control freak, and I don't like to have to get up early."  

 

FWIW, the look went away when I mentioned that my firstborn had allergies so severe that we would have had to ask the K class not to serve anything with milk.  LOL!  Even people who don't agree with homeschooling don't want their kid in a class that has to ban food. ;)   (Yes, I realize that they would never go without dairy at the school, that really is why we homeschooled at the start.) 

[OneStepAtATime]

I had no clue about homeschooling until I was forced into it because of an incredibly toxic year for my kids and no where else to turn.  When faced with someone who homeschooled prior to that (which didn't happen very often AT ALL in our area), I honestly had no idea what to say to "I homeschool." because it was so far outside the norm of my experience.  Over half my family are public educators including my mother.  Gosh knows what I said.  I honestly don't recall.  I just remember feeling uncomfortable because I didn't know what the correct response would be and was afraid if I asked too many questions I might embarrass the other person or sound completely ignorant.  I just blurted whatever came to mind.  I never meant any offense but may have offended unintentionally.  

 

Now that I do homeschool, I find myself on the other end of that situation and realized that I would need to make some inroads in our community.  There is such a lack of experience and information regarding homeschooling here.  I have to recognize, though, that many really don't want to hear about something outside the norm.  In conversations it seems that there are some that genuinely seem to  intend comments like that as just small talk to fill the void til they can change it to something they can genuinely comment on, and there are some that do seem to mean it as a real negative, but there are others that are genuinely expressing uncertainty or lack of confidence in themselves.  Of the latter, some actually are intrigued but too insecure to pursue questions.  I have found that if I gently begin a discussion with them about general education stuff, not negative about ps, they usually open up and ask questions about homeschooling.  There are now 3 women in our area homeschooling simply because of a brief conversation with me.  It gave them a chance to look beyond their comfort zone to something new without feeling judged, which then gave them the courage to look into it more on their own.  Were their initial comments to me really positive and open?  Nope.  But not because they were trying to be rude or insensitive.  They, like me once upon a time, just didn't know how to respond.

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I suppose a good answer could be "Well, the district won't let her attend school until the scabs clear up," then just walk away.

[Camelfeet]

Of course they are skeptical. If they do not know people who homeschool and have not researched it, I would find this the normal response. If anything, I marvel at people who do not have the above questions. From reading on these boards, I find that even homeschoolers are asking those very same questions.

 

I am sad that you are "sick" of talking to non-homeschoolers about homeschooling. I am deeply grateful for the homeschoolers who took the time and patience six years ago to answer my questions (which, no doubt, they had heard many times before)  and helped me understand that I, too, can do it. Without their encouragement, I might not have had the courage to take the leap.

I am sure I must have come across as completely ignorant and doubting, having all the "dumb" questions (yes, I even asked about socialization). I am glad they never brushed it off as mere conversation filler or saw it as a hostile questioning of their choices.

 

It is not my job to advocate homeschooling with every. single. parent. I come across. I'm not oblivious to the motivations of those around me.  If someone comes to me and says "I'd like to talk to you about homeschooling", which has happened a couple of times, I'm more than happy to talk till I'm blue in the face. But the people who usually ask me those questions are not genuinely interested.  They are reacting to the revelation that I have chosen a path that is not the norm. They are not going to start homeschooling.  They do not come from cultures where homeschooling is acceptable.  They are so set in their beliefs that even with the option of publicly funded schools removed they wouldn't consider homeschooling. They won't take the risk that homeschooling won't work out for them and their children will lose their place in school. Most aren't hostile. Most are just making the same small talk that I've heard so many times its become boring.    

 

I accidentally hosted a Halloween party at my building's party room today.  26 families came.  I answered the standard homeschooling question session 5 times. "I could never do that" was said at least a few times.  It gets old.          

[SKL]

If I was hearing the same tired comment all the time, I would say "a lot of people say that" and move on.  It is true, not rude, and communicates that their comment might be insensitive.

[HS Mom in NC]

I agree that people saying it do it to either fill the air with neutral noise or as an awkward compliment. 

However, I don't believe for one second that if they told me, "We send out kids to public school." and I responded with, "I could never do that!" in exactly the same tone they use when it's directed at homeschoolers that they would take it as complimentary or neutral.  There would be hurt feelings no matter how nicely it was said. Don't believe me?  Then go around saying it to people you know and report back correcting my faulty assumptions.

 

I'm temped to lecture them on self-fulfilling prophesies when they say this kind of thing to me. So far I've refrained from doing so. Of course they could never do it if they've never looked into it or considered it.  I could never do what nurses do, I've never looked into nursing and don't plan to...ever.

 

I spend a lot of time talking to people considering homeschooling and I've written several articles that I offer to send them (that I'd like to develop into workshops.)  I don't do their research for them.  I don't want passive, dependent type homeschoolers in the homeschooling community because they're prone to cause problems in a variety of ways and don't usually last long anyway.  Anyone offended by that is welcome to do the research for them if they like. Not everyone does research before they start homeschooling-some get to it shortly after they start and that's fine with me.  It's the ones that want other people to do the work for them or people that don't bother to ever do the work at all, that really grate on me. I don't have time for them.

 

I email or print out my articles with general information about different homeschooling mindsets; different approaches to homeschooling and names of curriculum/books that fall into those categories; a questionnaire to get the parents to articulate to each other more clearly their K-12 goals for their children;  a link to the largest and most comprehensive website about homeschooling in AZ;  and encourage them to do their own research. I've done well my duty to the newbies.  After they've done that I offer to have them over for detailed discussion because they have some context to work from. I do a couple of mini-workshops in my house free of charge for newbies too every year or two.

[regentrude]

It is not my job to advocate homeschooling with every. single. parent. I come across

 

No, of course it is not your job. It just happens that we end up advocating for all sorts of things and are viewed as representatives of all kinds of groups we belong to, by choice, or by birth, or by accident.

I am a homeschooler and am asked about homeschooling and seen as representing homeschoolers.

I am also an immigrant and am seen as representing my native country.

I also have a profession and am seen as a representative of that profession.

I also have certain world views and am seen as an advocate for those.

When I talk to people about those things, the conversation will influence their picture of what homeschoolers or Germans or physics professors or agnostics are like. Whether I want it or not - there is absolutely nothing I can do about that. All I can do is present an honest and positive picture of the group of which they consider me a representative. Or I can be grumpy that I get the same reaction for the hundredth time ("Oh my god, I could NEVER do physics!") or the same stereotypical question ... It is definitely not my job to endear my "tribe" to strangers. But I don't see the reason for the hostility that I feel from many posts.

[albeto.]

But I don't see the reason for the hostility that I feel from many posts.

 

I certainly don't feel hostile, but perhaps my comment could be interpreted as such? I dunno. In any case, comments that leave me feeling vulnerable make me feel uncomfortable. A drive-by comment like that makes me feel like I am now in the unfortunate and unmistakable position of having to defend the idea that I'm not an idiot, I have not put my brain on ice for a number of years, I do not fancy myself superior to them, or any other subtle insinuation context might suggest. It's awkward. It's unpleasant. Getting to rattle off what I'd really think in the relative safety of a community of homeschoolers who understand is nice. But it was not meant to convey any hostility. In my case anyway, and that's just how I read others, too. 

[Belacqua]

The idea of turning the question around to public school parents doesn't work for me, because the connotation of "could" seems different. When a non-homeschooler says she couldn't, she in all likelihood means she hasn't the time/patience/confidence in her abilities. But as most people do send their kids to school, the idea of "I never could" has more of a moral, how-can-you-sleep-at-night tone to it. There are, of course, exceptions on both sides of this, but they just seem like fundamentally different sentiments.

 

I've heard the comment any number of times and haven't been offended (and I'm not especially thick-skinned, either). But the person who informed me that she could never homeschool because "[her son] is going to go to Princeton and needs to have good SAT scores"? She bugged.

[Hunter]

I'm wondering why people bring up the question to me about homeschooling and then respond in such a way as to "I could never do that." What do they want me to say? Anything I say would seem to be a criticism of their choice. That is why I just vaguely smile. I guess what I really feel is trapped; like I am supposed to respond to something that has no correct response.

I have faced this scenario of being trapped with no correct response in so many different areas in my life. Now, when I feel trapped, I sometimes get mute. So all I can do is stare at the person. Funny thing is that sometimes that is the perfect response. The other person starts talking to fill the void, and I never have to answer. I'm not sure what they think about the silent stare, though :-)

 

The worst question ever is "How are you?" when things in your life are truly crappy.

 

I loved, "Where do you live?" when I was homeless.

 

"What do you do?" meaning what is my job, is another toughie.

 

When people assume I still have family that is gone now, they ask all sorts of questions that I don't want to answer truthfully.

 

In my recovery I have learned that asking a question is an aggressive act, and that answering is a defensive act. Sometimes I respond to a question with a question, even if it's a stupid question. I've also learned that I don't owe people answers to their questions.

 

Someday, we just want to grocery shop in peace, and not be singled out as different, or asked uncomfortable and private questions. It makes us feel so vulnerable. It's harder for some of us than others, depending on our backgrounds. I think all of us approach or have approached the homeschooling comments and questions in context of other private questions and how we thought we had to respond to those.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Of course they are skeptical. If they do not know people who homeschool and have not researched it, I would find this the normal response. If anything, I marvel at people who do not have the above questions. From reading on these boards, I find that even homeschoolers are asking those very same questions.

 

I am sad that you are "sick" of talking to non-homeschoolers about homeschooling. I am deeply grateful for the homeschoolers who took the time and patience six years ago to answer my questions (which, no doubt, they had heard many times before)  and helped me understand that I, too, can do it. Without their encouragement, I might not have had the courage to take the leap.

I am sure I must have come across as completely ignorant and doubting, having all the "dumb" questions (yes, I even asked about socialization). I am glad they never brushed it off as mere conversation filler or saw it as a hostile questioning of their choices.

But they are not asking a question.  They are making a statement.  If they asked me "How is it done?"  or even "How do you do it?" then that would be an honest question.  But the statement "I could never do that" is really unanswerable at least politely because an  honest response requires that I evaluate  their life and their abilities and I really can't do that.  Even if I turn it around to discuss how I could do it, as many people have done, it assumes some things not in evidence - that they really are asking me how I was able to do it and even that my experience would have any bearing on their circumstances.  

 

Now - I do think that much of the time it is a filler statement because they don't know what to say.  And so I treat it as a filler.  I don't waste my time or theirs trying to answer a non-existent question and I don't waste my time giving filler statements back.  I just change the subject.  Often I've found that changing the subject to something that they do know how to talk about brings about sighs of relief.  So I ask about who their child's teacher is or what sports their child is in or what they think of the new library or. . . whatever people like to talk about.  And suddenly they are happy because I'm not this alien creature who has nothing in common with them but am someone who knows how to talk about "normal" things.  

[TheBugs]

This reminded me of when a lady said to me, "I couldn't do that. I would be so bored." I think I just did my friendly, nervous laugh. No point trying to convince the mom that it's not boring.

[Hunter]

This reminded me of when a lady said to me, "I couldn't do that. I would be so bored." I think I just did my friendly, nervous laugh. No point trying to convince the mom that it's not boring.

Definitely NOT boring! My kids grew up, and I continue to self-educate and tutor so I do NOT get bored. I would have been so shocked at that idea that I would have said something. I don't know what, but something. :-) Probably something totally inappropriate. I'm so socially awkward, especially when surprised.

[Stars]

The last several times I've met this statement, I've responded with some variation on, "I certainly don't think homeschooling is for everybody, but it is the best choice for us."  I feel like this response allows the speaker to feel validated in her own choice for her child's education while gently reminding her that she has no insight into my family.

[regentrude]

But they are not asking a question.  They are making a statement.  If they asked me "How is it done?"  or even "How do you do it?" then that would be an honest question.  But the statement "I could never do that" is really unanswerable at least politely because an  honest response requires that I evaluate  their life and their abilities and I really can't do that.

 

Jean, in your post you were quoting my response to a poster who wrote the following:

 

The questions that follow "how do you know your kids are on par with others their age?  How do you get them tested?  How will they get into university?" show they are skeptical of home ed and I could never do that means that they wouldn't want to because of their misconceptions about homeschooling. "

 

I responded to this post and was referring to those questions. Which are, IMO, absolutely valid questions.

 

 

 

[regentrude]

In my recovery I have learned that asking a question is an aggressive act,

 

:confused1:

[Tsuga]

:confused1:

 

I think in the specific context of an unhealthy relationship, questions can be passive-aggressive forms of accusations.

 

I don't believe she meant all questions are aggressions.

 

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

OMG -- this just happened today on the way out from an SAT client.  I couldn't be snarky, since I still want this mom's checks to clear.

 

Another variant, which I have to believe is experienced only by the male of the species is the exchange that goes like this:

 

"Blah blah...we homeschool DD....DW is a middle school band director...blah blah"

 

*****Silence*****

 

*****Calculating*****

 

(puzzled look) "So, your wife homeschools after she gets home from her school?"

 

I've gotten that more than once.  It's like a real-life version of the "I can't operate on this boy, he's my son" riddle.

[Heathermomster]

When people tell me they could never homeschool, I respond with something to the effect of, "I never expected to homeschool either; however, the needs of the many (Thing 1 and Thing 2) outweigh the needs of the few (that'd would be me).  As it turns out, I love homeschooling."  

 

I don't get offended when people ask me about homeschooling.  We are only asked by hairdressers, nurses, and dental techs.  

 

[sunshine clementine]

OMG -- this just happened today on the way out from an SAT client.  I couldn't be snarky, since I still want this mom's checks to clear.

 

Another variant, which I have to believe is experienced only by the male of the species is the exchange that goes like this:

 

"Blah blah...we homeschool DD....DW is a middle school band director...blah blah"

 

*****Silence*****

 

*****Calculating*****

 

(puzzled look) "So, your wife homeschools after she gets home from her school?"

 

I've gotten that more than once.  It's like a real-life version of the "I can't operate on this boy, he's my son" riddle.

hilarious! 

[Tsuga]

OMG -- this just happened today on the way out from an SAT client.  I couldn't be snarky, since I still want this mom's checks to clear.

 

Another variant, which I have to believe is experienced only by the male of the species is the exchange that goes like this:

 

"Blah blah...we homeschool DD....DW is a middle school band director...blah blah"

 

*****Silence*****

 

*****Calculating*****

 

(puzzled look) "So, your wife homeschools after she gets home from her school?"

 

I've gotten that more than once.  It's like a real-life version of the "I can't operate on this boy, he's my son" riddle.

"So your wife... you let her work outside the home?"

 

"This woman, she can read?"

[Snickerdoodle]

"I would never presume to teach my own kids at home," said to me just last week.

Please tell us how you responded, because I can think of about 10 different things to say that range from dismissive to cutting, and I'd just like to live vicariously through you for a moment.

 

LOL, I didn't say anything.  Another person walked up and it distracted the conversation, but I did gather that the woman was a teacher which I thought was pretty ironic.   <grin>

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

"So your wife... you let her work outside the home?"

 

"This woman, she can read?"

Well, I do insist that she remain barefoot and always walk three paces behind me, so there's that.

[LiveforLaughter]

I get that response all.the.time. I usually say "It's not for everybody, but it works for us!" with a big smile. There have been a few awkward times, when it was meant as a negative statement. 

[LMD]

Well, that's what a lot of talk is - people are testing the waters to see if there is chemistry.  Or just being polite rather than leaving an uncomfortable silence, which some people here would doubtless interpret as "homeschoolers are bad."

 

I would be much more uncomfortable if people started getting all up in my business and asking the details of my homeschool schedule and my curricula and how my kids scored on standardized tests.  LOL.

 

Yeah, I won't deny that the post-birth hormones and new-baby sleep deprivation make it more annoying :D

 

However, most (not all) of these "I could never...", "you're super-mum" comments have the tone of "actually I think you're a little too crazy..."  

 

It also frequently happens when I'm in the minority, like when I took my children to the dentist and the dentist asked my DD 'so what grade are you in?', she responded with 'I homeschool', after shooting a surprised look at me to confirm, the dentist and nurse then chatted to each other about how they could never do it because x,y,z reason (I think they said something about being with kids all day driving them crazy) with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.  While I sat there politely smiling and waiting for them to do their job.

 

Then again, lots of people think I am crazy, a sucker for punishment or some kind of martyr - I know because they tell me.  I think I, and my kids, live a pretty charmed life.

[Dmmetler]

I think that for me, it's easier to take it as a positive than to get mad about it. It's kind of like some of the veiled comments that I sometimes get from people on other areas. If I do my best to see it as positive (even when it's obviously not intended as such), and respond accordingly, it affects my blood pressure less and also tends to lead to fewer such comments from that person in the future. I figure that's a win all around.

 

 

 

 

[Dmmetler]

I think that for me, it's easier to take it as a positive than to get mad about it. It's kind of like some of the veiled comments that I sometimes get from people on other areas. If I do my best to see it as positive (even when it's obviously not intended as such), and respond accordingly, it affects my blood pressure less and also tends to lead to fewer such comments from that person in the future. I figure that's a win all around.

 

 

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

As I think more on this thread, I realize that stranger comments really don't bother me all that much.  If they seem interested I am more than willing to discuss homeschooling,  If they aren't interested or think I am crazy, or think it is a dumb idea. well ok,  fine with that to.  But what made me really sad was when one of my close friends now seems to feel uncomfortable talking with me at all.  She doesn't seem to know what to discuss anymore and when I mention something the kids are learning or what curriculum I am using or some field trip we went on, she either sites in silence or she tends to talk over me now and list all of her kids accomplishments.  I try to emphasize that I think her kids are in a great school and I am so glad they are thriving there, and I ask about their curriculum and praise what they are learning (it really is a great school) but she just doesn't seem to know what to talk about with me anymore.  I try changing to a topic other than education, but that doesn't work either.   We used to talk about school and education and culture and health and brain research and everything else all the time, when our kids were in a brick and mortar school together.  I value her opinion of things.  She is incredibly well read, travels around the United States with her family at every opportunity just to learn, and is currently working on her doctorate.  She comes from a poor Eastern Block country where getting a good education was a challenge.  When she came here as a very young adult many, many years ago, she jumped at every opportunity to learn and has amassed an incredible background of knowledge.  I find she has a very interesting perspective and have gained so much from our friendship.  I miss our camaraderie.  I find situations like that bother me more than strangers making comments that might or might not be offensive, to be honest.

[Seasider]

Not in reply to the "I could never homeschool," but to something similar, I once heard a woman reply, "It's interesting how each of us make time for the things that are important to us." She delivered it in a very kind but confident voice, with a warm smile (no syrupy false sweetness, iykwim).

 

Whoa. That was one to make me think. Just what DO I consider important, and how is that reflected by how I choose to spend my time? It was a very insightful comeback. Unfortunately, there might be many who saw/would see it as sorta snarky. Personally I appreciated it and could not deny the wisdom and truth in her words. Not to mention the conviction!

[lorisuewho]

Not in reply to the "I could never homeschool," but to something similar, I once heard a woman reply, "It's interesting how each of us make time for the things that are important to us." She delivered it in a very kind but confident voice, with a warm smile (no syrupy false sweetness, iykwim).

 

Whoa. That was one to make me think. Just what DO I consider important, and how is that reflected by how I choose to spend my time? It was a very insightful comeback. Unfortunately, there might be many who saw/would see it as sorta snarky. Personally I appreciated it and could not deny the wisdom and truth in her words. Not to mention the conviction!

Love this!

[ThelmaLou]

I've been told several times that I just must be "cut out" to be a home school mom. I've never, ever, felt cut out for it. Just the opposite, in fact. I read this blog post recently, and it really resonated with me regarding being "cut out" for homeschooling. 

 

http://www.growinghomeblog.com/2012/03/why-im-not-cut-out-to-be-homeschool-mom.html

[mathnerd]

"I could never do that" - there, I said it to you all. But, I do not mean anything bad or negative by it. I know how hard it is to do what you do day in and day out. I know how many sacrifices it takes to spend so much of your life with your children - some of you with kids with special needs, some of you teaching subjects that you have to learn first in order to teach them etc. I cannot do it - my family circumstances are such that it is impossible. Life is full of choices. We all prioritize how we spend our time and on whom. We as persons should never feel that we owe an explanation of our lifestyle choices to people who are aggressively questioning us. And being an introvert myself, I can see how the OP felt when questioned like that. I say that if you feel that the remark was rude, you do not owe that person the courtesy of continuing that conversation.

IRL, I only know 2 families who homeschool - both for academic reasons. Their kids are so far out academically that I am jealous of the amount of time these families spend on educating their kids to such a great level of excellence. One of those moms is a chess/math tutor to my son (she herself is a former high ranked chess player) and she is so awesome - I tell her that "I could never do that" all the time - and it is meant as a great compliment.

[sunnyday]

When I have seen this sentiment expressed online it has been in the context, "I would like to homeschool but I am not cut out to be my kids' teacher. We have it hard enough with daily homework battles." You and I know that homeschool doesn't have to be as adversarial as doing busywork after a long day at school but that is what parents envision and that is why they feel they "can't do that."