Who do you think is responsible here?

[KungFuPanda]

Kids are clumsy and expensive. The parent should pay for any damage their kid causes. It stinks, and was a careless accident, but that's part of the price of parenting.

[In The Great White North]

Assuming they do not offer $$ if/when I hear from the other car's owner, I am wondering whether to dissolve the carpool.

 

I vote dissolve. If she had barely touched the neighboring car, resulting in a scratch, I would consider that an accident. Hitting the neighboring car hard enough to break the mirror isn't an accident - it required effort. If she cares that little about other people's property or is incapable of controlling her actions, she is a liability waiting to happen. It will cost you much more than you save by car-pooling.

 

FWIW, mirrors are usually painted these days. Matching colors/repainting a mirror housing really raises the price of replacing it. $500 isn't unreasonable. Teen needs to pay it all. I don't know anyone with a deductible that low and I do think both driver's insurance would go up if they claimed it.

[unsinkable]

[/size]

 

I vote dissolve. If she had barely touched the neighboring car, resulting in a scratch, I would consider that an accident. Hitting the neighboring car hard enough to break the mirror isn't an accident - it required effort. If she cares that little about other people's property or is incapable of controlling her actions, she is a liability waiting to happen. It will cost you much more than you save by car-pooling.

 

 

 

"It required effort"

 

What are saying here? That she deliberately broke the mirror?

 

 

 

[beaners]

A few people have said they wouldn't say anything to the child's parents. Do they mean they wouldn't have said anything in hopes that they would cover part of the bill, or that they would not say anything at all? As a parent, I would want to know if my child did this!

[In The Great White North]

"It required effort"

 

What are saying here? That she deliberately broke the mirror?

 

Nope. Just that she didn't exercise "reasonable care" and yanked the door open too hard to stop it from hitting the car next door. To say it was deliberate would require a lot more info.

[Joker]

"It required effort"

 

What are saying here? That she deliberately broke the mirror?

 

 

:iagree: No one here actually knows much of anything. The other car could have been old or already damaged, so it would have required no effort at all.

 

As far as it being a black and white issue; I guess that just depends on what you're accustomed to doing. One of my brother's friends broke my mom's windshield with a baseball. Nothing was ever said to the parents. It was an accident and my parents took care of it. Another friend chipped my tooth. He was swinging something in our home and it flew out of his hand. No one ever said anything to his parents. One of my daughter's friends broke her curtain rod and did a bit of damage to the wall. We didn't say anything to the parent's and took care of it ourselves. Another of dd's friends scratched our brand new floor. Again, we didn't say anything. So, when I said it honestly would have never crossed my mind to talk to the parents, I meant it. It would have to be much more deliberate and costly for us to have a discussion.

[unsinkable]

 

 

Nope. Just that she didn't exercise "reasonable care" and yanked the door open too hard to stop it from hitting the car next door. To say it was deliberate would require a lot more info.

 

 

You said it wasn't an accident...that it required effort...

 

But it's not deliberate...so I'm confused?

[MyThreeSons]

How much is the damage to your car? If she hit the mirror hard enough to break it, you must have a pretty big dent in your door.

 

 

Not at all true. The door was likely metal, the OP already said it was the plastic housing of the mirror that was cracked. The relatively sharp edge of the door would inflict damage without showing on the door.

 

Even in a collision between moving vehicles, it's not uncommon to see substantial damage to one vehicle, and negligible damage to the other. And, btw, the amount of damage in no way indicates fault.

[soufflegirl]

I took effort to mean the amount of force put into it. There's a difference between accident and careless.

[unsinkable]

When i was a young teen, My friends had an old beater car that had doors that had been repaired for some reason.

 

Once I got out of the car and closed the door with my hip (my hands were full) and the door pooched in. I don't know how else to describe it. Kind of like a Snapple bottle cap. It didn't crack the paint or anything. My friend said it HAPPENED ALL THE TIME and that her dad popped it out when it happened.

 

But guess what...her dad said I was NEVER ALLOWED to ride in the car again.

 

I did no damage to the car, but because I didn't shut the door with the handle, I was banned.

[MyThreeSons]

Nope. Just that she didn't exercise "reasonable care" and yanked the door open too hard to stop it from hitting the car next door. To say it was deliberate would require a lot more info.

 

 

I find it interesting that you're assuming she was opening the door to get in, while I pictured her opening it from the inside to get out. In my experience, the latter scenario is where these incidents tend to happen.

[Dandelion]

 

I find it interesting that you're assuming she was opening the door to get in, while I pictured her opening it from the inside to get out. In my experience, the latter scenario is where these incidents tend to happen.

 

 

Per the OP, it appears the girl was opening the door to get in. She specifically says "she could have gotten in the car."

 

She could have gotten in the car without smacking the other car--it was not that tight.

 

[MyThreeSons]

 

I find it interesting that you're assuming she was opening the door to get in, while I pictured her opening it from the inside to get out. In my experience, the latter scenario is where these incidents tend to happen.

 

 

ah ... I went back and read the original post. The OP does say she was getting in. Not that it changes anything, IMO.

 

As someone else said, if I were that girl's parent, I would want to know and would make restitution.

 

It could be that the mirror housing was cracked previously -- that could still sound like a crack when it was subsequently hit.

 

And, I just thought of something else -- the fact that the girl tried to laugh it off may not be just her teenageness, but it may be a reflection (no pun intended) of how she's seen her parents handle such things in the past. Parking lot dings are very common. My boys have seen me leave notes, so they know how I feel about it. If they had observed me shrug it off, they would probably follow suit if they were involved in a situation away from me.

[soufflegirl]

See, if she was outside, which the OP indicates, that means she had to have really swung the door open and let go of the door, right? Otherwise her arm would have gotten jammed between the car door and the other car. To me, that's being careless.

[EKS]

OP here. The parent knows and has not said anything to me. I did not tell her, as I am waiting at least through today to see if the other car's owner calls. But it is clear that she knows. I would absolutely offer, insist upon, paying if this were my kid. It has been helpful to see how many feel differently. It is kind of shocking actually, but helpful.

 

In my response above, I stated that if I were the driver, I would assume complete responsibility for the incident. What I didn't mention was that if it were my kid, I would offer to pay for the damage.

[Penelope]

I don't think it matters how careless we might think she was. We can't tell, in hindsight.

 

Would the OP expect her own child to pay the damage if she was the one who did this?

 

If I were the other parent and it was brought to my attention, I would check in with the OP and offer to pay at least a portion, expecting to see bills and such as a copy for my own records. I would not just hand over a check. I would expect, though, that many people I know would refuse my offers and would not expect me to pay for it.

 

If I were in the OP's shoes, though, I would mention it to the other parent but I would not expect anything from them. I would consider it my responsibility since it was an accident that happened while driving in my car. I am not sure if I would take money if it was offered, or not.

[Laurie4b]

As the other parent, I would think it was my obligation to pay anything that wasn't covered by your insurance, which I assume would be all of it b/c of deductible. I've never been in a parking place when you could open a door without hitting another car unless it was vacant on one side. Around here, they are pretty tight. I warn my teens frequently to be careful when they open the door.

 

However, I would not think another parent was responsible for paying for damage my teen created by not thinking before throwing open the door. To break the other mirror would require major force that a teen should know better than to do. (Though they don't always think about what they do know. )

[Laurie4b]

As the other parent, I would think it was my obligation to pay anything that wasn't covered by your insurance, which I assume would be all of it b/c of deductible. I've never been in a parking place when you could open a door without hitting another car unless it was vacant on one side. Around here, they are pretty tight. I warn my teens frequently to be careful when they open the door.

 

However, I would not think another parent was responsible for paying for damage my teen created by not thinking before throwing open the door. To break the other mirror would require major force that a teen should know better than to do. (Though they don't always think about what they do know. )

[MyThreeSons]

See, if she was outside, which the OP indicates, that means she had to have really swung the door open and let go of the door, right? Otherwise her arm would have gotten jammed between the car door and the other car. To me, that's being careless.

 

um, no. I just went out to my minivan because I couldn't picture this situation. Ordinarily, the door handle (and therefore my hand and arm) are below the level of the mirror. And the mirror is forward of the door handle. And I'm standing in the area where the door opening is. It would take a lot of contorting away from my normal door-opening procedure for my arm to be jammed in that way. And I think you're overestimating the force necessary for the door to crack the plastic.

 

I think we all agree that the girl was less than careful in how she handled the opening of the door. The line between careless, negligent, and willfully negligent is fuzzy, to say the least.

[soufflegirl]

I'm still not picturing how she hit the other mirror while holding onto the door, but I forgot it was a minivan vs car scenario so maybe I've got the dimensions all wrong in my head. If you tried it out I'll take your word for it.

[MyThreeSons]

I'm still not picturing how she hit the other mirror while holding onto the door, but I forgot it was a minivan vs car scenario so maybe I've got the dimensions all wrong in my head. If you tried it out I'll take your word for it.

 

I don't know that the OP said specifically that it was a minivan vs car scenario. I just said that I had a minivan. But that really doesn't matter .... almost all door handles are below the window. Almost all side mirrors are above the bottom of the window. If two vehicles are parked side by side, the side mirror is forward of the door.

 

Oh, and now that I think about it -- if the door hit the side mirror without first scraping the other car's door, there was more space between the vehicles than I can usually find around here.

 

Seriously? You've never hit another vehicle with a door while your hand was still on the door? Never had a gust of wind come up and move the door? Never been parked downhill, so that gravity was more of a factor than usual? Never been getting in or out of someone else's car where their door swings more freely than yours does? Never been in someone else's car and not realized that their door is wider than the one you're used to? I am cautious and yet all of the above have happened to me. Maybe I'm just old and have lived a fuller life, LOL.

[BakersDozen]

It is the childs family who should be responsible. I don't care what adult is present a child should know how to behave and not destroy others property. If your kid does something take responsibility and stop shoving it on the adult. She is 14 not 4. The fact that she just tried to shrug it off would mean no more being in my car. I don't deal with children who have no respect for others property.

This exactly, bolded especially.

[soufflegirl]

Maybe I have a really weird way of getting into cars, lol. I could totally understand hitting another car if I was getting out of mine. But the way I get in, my elbow or wrist would hit the other car before the car door did. Like I said, I could totally have a bizarre way of getting into cars and everyone has secretly been laughing at me for years. :D

[Dandelion]

Maybe I have a really weird way of getting into cars, lol. I could totally understand hitting another car if I was getting out of mine. But the way I get in, my elbow or wrist would hit the other car before the car door did. Like I said, I could totally have a bizarre way of getting into cars and everyone has secretly been laughing at me for years. :D

 

Quite the contrary. You should patent your method, create a training course, and then market that course to insurance companies who will then deliver this required training to their customers. It could cut down on dinged car doors nationwide. Personal injury claims (for elbows and wrists) might go up though, so it could be a wash. ;) :D

[violamama]

I just want to thank you for being classy and leaving a note. It's nice to see that.

 

If I were the girl's parent I would pay in full. If I were the person with the broken mirror I may not charge you, might just let my insurance cover it.

 

Anyway, you are awesome.

[QueenCat]

If it were my child, I would offer to pay the owner of the damaged car's repairs. I would have to see the actual estimate for damages. I wouldn't expect them to submit this to insurance. Deductibles are normally close to the cost of this type of damage....... and if I were the driver, I would ask the child's parents to pay for the damage their child caused. If not, no more carpool.

[marbel]

I have accidentally hit a car when opening the door in a parking lot, and I am a careful adult who's been driving for over 30 years. Maybe the door slipped - easy to have happen especially if one is holding things. Sometimes it was just a misjudgment of distance. Maybe the door was heavier than the girl anticipated. Or lighter than she anticipated! Maybe the door was just that much heavier than the mirror casing. So I'm a bit stunned to hear people talking about how careless and disrespectful of property the girl was. How does anyone except the OP know? And even she may not, if she wasn't watching carefully as the girl opened the door.

 

I'd be annoyed by the situation, but I don't know that I'd talk to the other parents and I certainly wouldn't break up a carpool if it was otherwise working well. I probably wouldn't get my insurance involved because most likely the repair would be less than the deductible, but we have high deductibles. I'd hope I'd be understanding toward the child!

 

BTW: If there was damage to the other car, I have always left a note. Fortunately there was never enough damage that anyone ever called me back.

[soufflegirl]

I have accidentally hit a car when opening the door in a parking lot, and I am a careful adult who's been driving for over 30 years. Maybe the door slipped - easy to have happen especially if one is holding things. Sometimes it was just a misjudgment of distance. Maybe the door was heavier than the girl anticipated. Or lighter than she anticipated! Maybe the door was just that much heavier than the mirror casing. So I'm a bit stunned to hear people talking about how careless and disrespectful of property the girl was. How does anyone except the OP know? And even she may not, if she wasn't watching carefully as the girl opened the door.

 

I'd be annoyed by the situation, but I don't know that I'd talk to the other parents and I certainly wouldn't break up a carpool if it was otherwise working well. I probably wouldn't get my insurance involved because most likely the repair would be less than the deductible, but we have high deductibles. I'd hope I'd be understanding toward the child!

 

 

Well, brushing off the fact that you just busted someone's mirror and possibly caused $500 worth of damage is a bit disrespectful of property. Had she been mortified, I think people would be cutting her some slack.

[Harriet Vane]

I'll admit, I'm a little thrown by all the people who think the OP was negligent or in any way responsible.

 

I lived in Chicago for fourteen years. There really are places where tight parking is the only option.

 

Accidents happen. 14yo is plenty old enough to behave responsibly, whether that be exercising caution in getting in the car or in taking responsibility for the damage she caused.

 

I cannot fathom ever expecting another parent to pay for damages caused by my child.

[poppy]

I'll admit, I'm a little thrown by all the people who think the OP was negligent or in any way responsible.

 

I lived in Chicago for fourteen years. There really are places where tight parking is the only option.

 

Accidents happen. 14yo is plenty old enough to behave responsibly, whether that be exercising caution in getting in the car or in taking responsibility for the damage she caused.

 

I cannot fathom ever expecting another parent to pay for damages caused by my child.

 

Legally -- as the OP acknowledges, to her credit -- it is the adult, not the child, who is responsible for the damage. So I don't think it is that insane for her to expect to pay the bill.

[Stellalarella]

If the child takes on the responsibility to repair the damage to the vehicle, she will incur a momentary cost and a lifetime benefit of always being careful when she opens car doors.

 

It's a lose-win situation.

[Jean in Newcastle]

If the child takes on the responsibility to repair the damage to the vehicle, she will incur a momentary cost and a lifetime benefit of always being careful when she opens car doors.

 

It's a lose-win situation.

 

 

Sounds like a win-win situation to me!

[Anne in CA]

In Portland there are MANY places where you must park tightly with the other cars next to you. Mostly when with friends I will back the car out before having my friends even open their doors. That is what I would insist on if the OP gives the girl a ride again. My younger dd was very careless with opening doors and none of the people I left notes for followed up with making me pay, but I finally learned that I must watch her and remind her EVERY time if there is a car very close.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Just curious - is there a statute of limitations on notes left on cars? How long does the OP have to wait before she can safely figure that she (and her passenger) is off the hook?

[poppy]

If the child takes on the responsibility to repair the damage to the vehicle, she will incur a momentary cost and a lifetime benefit of always being careful when she opens car doors.

 

It's a lose-win situation.

 

Except it will be her parents paying, unless she happens to be a 14 year old with $500 saved up. It might make her more cautious about doors, but, this isn't really parallel to an adult who literally pays for a mistake.

[Samiam]

Im in disbelief that many are acting as if the 14 year was not only purposefully negilent in her actions but that her attitude was wrong. For one, the attitude is a perception by the OP, so based on OP's own attitude at the moment, she could have taken the 14 year old the wrong way.

 

My son is 14. He's stoic, shy, reserved. He's never excitable. If you don't know him, you may perceive him with the wrong light. In a situation like this, I could see him mumbling a hasty sorry, and then not saying much at all. Doesn't mean he took it lightly. Means he's not sure how to handle it, he's upset with himself, worried about what happens next, maybe wants to talk to people he knows well, ie his parents, to get help with understanding the seriousness of the situation. Because he's not a broken down mess in the car, doesn't mean he's not a broken down mess in his head. He's 14! She's 14! This is an adult situation and not one a 14 year had probably ever encountered to this extent without parents nearby. Her attitude at the time should have no bearing on how the situation is handled between adults. Let her parents decide what lesson she learns from this. OP should not base her actions on the perceived attitude of a child.

[QueenCat]

Except it will be her parents paying, unless she happens to be a 14 year old with $500 saved up. It might make her more cautious about doors, but, this isn't really parallel to an adult who literally pays for a mistake.

 

 

If it were my child, I'd pay upfront, as expected. And my child would pay me back via chores, babysitting proceeds, etc.

[soufflegirl]

Eh, 15-16 is learning permit age in some states, isn't it? I'm not saying the kid should have been tearing her hair out in hysterics, but 14 is plenty old enough to understand that you can't break mirrors and drive off/brush off the damage with a shrug. That being said, I don't think anyone wants the op to be all vindictive simply because the girl didn't react a particular way.

[MyThreeSons]

Maybe I have a really weird way of getting into cars, lol. I could totally understand hitting another car if I was getting out of mine. But the way I get in, my elbow or wrist would hit the other car before the car door did. Like I said, I could totally have a bizarre way of getting into cars and everyone has secretly been laughing at me for years. :D

 

 

Seriously, I just tried this on my vehicle once again. I would like to see a video (or at least a still photo or two) of how you accomplish this. My natural motion is to use the door handle at the very beginning, but then as soon as the opening is a few inches wide, my hand slips around to hold the edge of the door to control its swing. I tried to keep my hand on the handle, or otherwise keep some part of my arm between the edge of the door and the where a car would be parked next to me (only one car in my carport), and it was incredibly awkward and almost painful.

[soufflegirl]

 

 

Seriously, I just tried this on my vehicle once again. I would like to see a video (or at least a still photo or two) of how you accomplish this. My natural motion is to use the door handle at the very beginning, but then as soon as the opening is a few inches wide, my hand slips around to hold the edge of the door to control its swing. I tried to keep my hand on the handle, or otherwise keep some part of my arm between the edge of the door and the where a car would be parked next to me (only one car in my carport), and it was incredibly awkward and almost painful.

 

 

Lol, if I'd known I'd have taken a picture at the supermarket yesterday morning!

 

I stand by the front of the back door. I pull the passenger side front door handle with my right hand. When my elbow hits the car next to me, I stop opening it. Once the door is steady, I slide in facing that car, and hold the inside door handle to keep the door steady with my left hand.

 

I'm fairly short, have a tiny car, and never gave any of this any thought until today. I apologize if that sounds like the most ridiculous way ever to get into a car. Hope it entertained you all, though. :D

[zoobie]

Just curious - is there a statute of limitations on notes left on cars? How long does the OP have to wait before she can safely figure that she (and her passenger) is off the hook?

 

Whatever the statute for property damage is in her state. Generally 2 years.

 

If I had to drive the girl again, I might sit her next to a door with the child lock feature activated. Oh, sorry about that! As I carefully open her door for her. ;)

[lea1]

OP said there is not a parking spot in the city that would prevent this from happening. That says it all. It could happen to anybody. It was an accident. What would you expect if it was your own child in the car? You'd pay for it. You'd file with insurance. And that is what you should do now. When you carpool, you take on the responsibility of the child as if they were your own , while they are with you. It was an accident, and according to your own words, not completely unavoidable by the nature of the space. You pay. I suppose the other parent can offer, but I don't see it as they have to, required to, responsible for. If a child spilled something in your car, would you ask the parents to pay for the carpet cleaning? I'd hope not. I'd hope you chalk it up to life with children....silly things happen that you'd don't think are possible.

 

 

I agree with this and others who have posted similar thoughts. I would not even tell the girls parents. I would assume it was my responsibility, as if this were my own child, since I was the adult in charge and they were under my supervision and care. I frequently remind my sons to watch their doors and be careful not to hit other cars when they are getting in and out of dh's car. Our van has sliding doors so they don't have to worry about it with the van and they are not used to having to be careful. Maybe this girl was also used to a van or maybe her parent's car door does not open as easily as yours does. Maybe the car she is used to riding in is smaller than yours so the doors have more room to open further. Maybe the wind was blowing and caught her door at just the right moment (I've had that happen). Regardless, her parents were not there to be able to warn her to be careful and you were supervising so I would think it is your responsibility.

[MyThreeSons]

Lol, if I'd known I'd have taken a picture at the supermarket yesterday morning!

 

I stand by the front of the back door. I pull the passenger side front door handle with my right hand. When my elbow hits the car next to me, I stop opening it. Once the door is steady, I slide in facing that car, and hold the inside door handle to keep the door steady with my left hand.

 

I'm fairly short, have a tiny car, and never gave any of this any thought until today. I apologize if that sounds like the most ridiculous way ever to get into a car. Hope it entertained you all, though. :D

 

 

I'm sorry if you thought I was making light of this. I was truly trying to understand your perspective. Thanks for explaining this so thoroughly.

 

I would have to say we are discussing entirely different parking situations. I am not small, but not huge, either -- size 16. When vehicles are centered in adjacent parking places here, it is not uncommon that I have to turn slightly sideways to walk between them. If I did as you describe with my elbow touching the car next to me, I would have to squeeze into my vehicle, to the point of having my backside rub against the frame of the car, thereby getting greasy stuff on it and/or catching a pocket and ripping my pants. (Yes -- both of those have happened.)

[soufflegirl]

 

 

I'm sorry if you thought I was making light of this. I was truly trying to understand your perspective. Thanks for explaining this so thoroughly.

 

I would have to say we are discussing entirely different parking situations. I am not small, but not huge, either -- size 16. When vehicles are centered in adjacent parking places here, it is not uncommon that I have to turn slightly sideways to walk between them. If I did as you describe with my elbow touching the car next to me, I would have to squeeze into my vehicle, to the point of having my backside rub against the frame of the car, thereby getting greasy stuff on it and/or catching a pocket and ripping my pants. (Yes -- both of those have happened.)

 

 

No worries! :)

[Unicorn.]

I stopped reading replies. OP, I can't fathom how it is in any way, your fault. It was the fault of the 14 yo. I think her parents should pay/make her pay, 100%. However, as other's have said...don't hold your breath.

[Samiam]

Eh, 15-16 is learning permit age in some states, isn't it? I'm not saying the kid should have been tearing her hair out in hysterics, but 14 is plenty old enough to understand that you can't break mirrors and drive off/brush off the damage with a shrug. That being said, I don't think anyone wants the op to be all vindictive simply because the girl didn't react a particular way.

 

 

 

Okay, but the girl is 14, not 15-16. She could be just-recent 14, so closer to 13. Regardless, and no matter which state, she's not of age to have a learning permit. So she'd have no training in driving. Don't get what that has to due with this as she was never driving. That's not the question. Only OP was there to witness the girl's response, and again, based on OP's own reaction and perception of the situation, that could skew the reality of what the girl was actually thinking.

 

Doesn't matter though does it? It's a situation between adults. The girl's response, or lack of, or shrug-off, has no bearing on how it should be handled. And that is exactly what many have said. That the girl hasn't have proper training at home, didn't show enough remorse, should have known better to let the door swing open, etc. Why would a 14 year old know what the proper protocol is in a minor accident if she's never personally been involved in a situation such as that? Sure, she should know that if you damage someone else's property, that is a situation with repurcussions......and we don't know what she was thinking. Again, it DOESN"T MATTER what she knew, what she thought. It is a situation between adults. It does seem as if the OP is upset about the girl's reaction, otherwise she would not have specifically mentioned it, and I think that is where OP is wrong. Unless you have a long, extensive relationship with this child, you don't know her well enough to judge her reaction to determine whether she was handling it properly in YOUR eyes. The question is how did the PARENTS handle if, if you choose to bring it up to them.

 

Does OP possibly want to burn a bridge over this? That's the bottom line. Does she want to flat-out ask for payment? Does she want to take care of it and chalk up to a lesson learned?

[Shellydon]

When I park my tank, I don't allow my children to open the doors unless their are no cars near me. When I pull in between two cars I announce "DO NOT open the doors. I will come get you." I then make sure the door does not hit another vehicle. So, that said, I would say 50/50. As the driver, I would have warned about the proximity of the other cars before my car came to a complete halt.

[MyThreeSons]

When I park my tank, I don't allow my children to open the doors unless their are no cars near me. When I pull in between two cars I announce "DO NOT open the doors. I will come get you." I then make sure the door does not hit another vehicle. So, that said, I would say 50/50. As the driver, I would have warned about the proximity of the other cars before my car came to a complete halt.

 

 

But she was getting INTO the car -- the vehicle she damaged was right there.

[soufflegirl]

Okay, but the girl is 14, not 15-16. She could be just-recent 14, so closer to 13. Regardless, and no matter which state, she's not of age to have a learning permit. So she'd have no training in driving. Don't get what that has to due with this as she was never driving. That's not the question. Only OP was there to witness the girl's response, and again, based on OP's own reaction and perception of the situation, that could skew the reality of what the girl was actually thinking.

 

Doesn't matter though does it? It's a situation between adults. The girl's response, or lack of, or shrug-off, has no bearing on how it should be handled. And that is exactly what many have said. That the girl hasn't have proper training at home, didn't show enough remorse, should have known better to let the door swing open, etc. Why would a 14 year old know what the proper protocol is in a minor accident if she's never personally been involved in a situation such as that? Sure, she should know that if you damage someone else's property, that is a situation with repurcussions......and we don't know what she was thinking. Again, it DOESN"T MATTER what she knew, what she thought. It is a situation between adults. It does seem as if the OP is upset about the girl's reaction, otherwise she would not have specifically mentioned it, and I think that is where OP is wrong. Unless you have a long, extensive relationship with this child, you don't know her well enough to judge her reaction to determine whether she was handling it properly in YOUR eyes. The question is how did the PARENTS handle if, if you choose to bring it up to them.

 

Does OP possibly want to burn a bridge over this? That's the bottom line. Does she want to flat-out ask for payment? Does she want to take care of it and chalk up to a lesson learned?

 

 

 

I totally agree that it really comes down to whether OP wants to burn a bridge over this. And I can see what you're saying about the payment issue being separate from the girl's reaction. I really don't think anyone felt that the OP should stick it to this girl's family just because she didn't cry.

 

I wouldn't expect the typical 13/14 year old to pull out a piece of paper and start writing an apology letter to the car owner. I would expect them to at least say "I'm sorry Mrs. ..., I didn't mean it/see the car/whatever" to the OP when they slammed the door, or at least when they saw the OP write the note. It doesn't change whether or not the girl's family should pay, but it is not beyond the capability of your average 13/14 year old.

[marbel]

I wouldn't expect the typical 13/14 year old to pull out a piece of paper and start writing an apology letter to the car owner. I would expect them to at least say "I'm sorry Mrs. ..., I didn't mean it/see the car/whatever" to the OP when they slammed the door, or at least when they saw the OP write the note. It doesn't change whether or not the girl's family should pay, but it is not beyond the capability of your average 13/14 year old.

 

Don't know how well the OP knows this girl, but none of the rest of us know her at all. I'm imagining my 14-year-old in this position. I think she has enough poise to be able to say something like the above. Myself at that age? I'd probably be so humiliated and upset that if I spoke I'd cry. And if I didn't know the driver well... that'd make it even worse.

 

Don't how how the OP reacted, either. If she was angry and showed it (as I probably would in the same situation) the girl might have had no idea how to react. Remaining silent might have seemed like the best thing to do. Shrugging it off may have been a defense mechanism.