What recent funny things have your children said to you?

[QuirkyKapers]

My dd told me friday, "Mom, I have learned how to speak dolphin" and proceeded to tell me to come eat sounding exactly like one. Yes, I sure am teaching my children skills for life here :laugh:

[mandymom]

We were watching Chopped on the Food Network, and the chef said he was doing the show for his wife. My 6 year old ds said "When I go on the show, I'm doing it for the money!"

 

He's obsessed with going on Chopped, too. He talks about it all the time.

[Giraffe]

"Mommy, next time we go to the zoo we need to bring really big tissues for the horses."

 

She got snotted/slobbered all over her ear and shoulder. It was NASTY!

[Tammi K]

My son told me: "Weather forecasting is an art...and today was not his 'Mona Lisa'."

[Mandamom]

Yesterday in the car dd12 turned around to ds7 and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet. His response..."I can only put my shoes on the right feet at home because grandmom's house is facing the wrong direction."

 

Dh bought a powerball ticket the other day with ds7. Dh explained to ds7 how much money it was and ds7 response was " "if I won all that money I could really help a lot of people with it" dh thought awwwwwwww. Next sentence......."and I would buy a robot that looks just like you and make it say I AM STINKY over and over again, that would be so cool"

 

 

Ds7 is "playing" his guitar and sings his new song called Hey Dad your kinda fat." Dh says " hey that's not very nice" His reply...."Well I did say kinda, I didn't say really fat"

 

This has all been since last Thursday. He's one I'd love to keep a notebook of sayings.

[QuirkyKapers]

Those are too funny! :D

[GSOchristie]

My six yo asked me how you knew you were going to have a baby, I told him the logistics of a pregnancy test. He came back a while later and asked, "Can you pee on any piece of plastic, or does it have to be a special piece?". I foresee quite a bit of peeing on random things in the near future despite my assurances that he CANNOT be pregnant :).

[Janie Grace]

My 3yo got into bed with me this morning and said, "Mommy, you're wearing a different head today." I think my hair was really crazy or something!

[MelAR05]

A couple of weeks ago we were watching "The Music Man" and my 7 yr old said, "Wow Mom! They sure did a lot of Flash Mobs back then!"

[BarbecueMom]

We went to the regional science fair last weekend, and DS4 was fascinated by a project using a robot to replace humans in operating a coffee maker. On the way home, he asked for a drink of water, and when I handed him the bottle, he said, "See Mommy, just like a vending machine!" Gee thanks, son, guess I'm just a giant robot arm to you. Explains a lot.

 

DS3 also declared yesterday that all his best friends have nipples. Um, okay.

[JessReplanted]

I'm still laughing over this from yesterday.


The girls (who are 5 & 6) were coloring when I heard:

 



C: "Oh for penis sake."


Me: "What did you say?"


C: "for penis sake."


Me: "WHAT?!"


E: "SHE SAID FOR PENIS SAKE!"


Me: "I think the word you're looking for is PETE. For PETE'S sake."



 

And then, of course I had to remind them that penis is the name for a boy's private part and it's not just a word that we shout out.

So of course they spent the next few minutes saying: "I can't believe I said penis. I can't believe you said penis. Oh my goodness.. penis."

[OnTheBrink]

My dd posted on FB: If all logic homework is hard, then some logic homework is hard. If no logic homework was hard, then this would be easy.

[mom31257]

One day over lunch, we were discussing the idea of dh teaching overseas if he can't find a job here. Ds asked for us to please not go to Germany. When we asked him why, he said (as serious as he could be), "Time does not heal all wounds!"

[AMJ]

I've been reading these aloud to DH. Hilarious! Too bad I can't remember any of my own DDs' remarks right now. I feel left out, and they are asleep, so I can't get them to say something.

 

Oh, well. There's always tomorrow!

[Koerarmoca]

In my cold induced fog head I gave sunshine a piece of candy because she was hurt and crying. So all day long today. "Mom my neck still hurts I need a candy" so I told her that was just for when she first hurt herself and daddy wasn't home to "fix it" she then asked when he would be home. I told her about 3 hours. So she bangs her head on the wall and says "daddy can't fix it for 3 hours can I have candy now"

 

That was some A1 parenting, bedside. lol

[ballardlm]

^{Today my 2 year old was acting out different animals. "I am a frog" - jumps around. "I am a snake" - lays on his belly and slithers around. "I am a lion" - lays down. I was like, um, what are you doing? It took me a while but I finally realized that at the zoo the lions are always sleeping lol.}

[Cinder]

The other night, as 8yo dd was resisting going to bed (at 10:30 pm, mind you) she declared, "When I'm a mom I'm going to let my kids stay up until 11:30!"

 

Uh huh. :001_rolleyes:

[Lucy the Valiant]

DS7 thinks one of our 50 states is named Alcohol.

 

DS: "Mom, so where does Alcohol go on the map?"

Me: "Huh? What are you talking about?!"

DS: "You know, from the song . . . [hums a little] . . . Hawaai, Alcohol!"

Me: "Dude. That's IDAHO. It's out west, dearie."

[SKL]

DD6: "It doesn't *taste* probiotic." ??

[SKL]

One day over lunch, we were discussing the idea of dh teaching overseas if he can't find a job here. Ds asked for us to please not go to Germany. When we asked him why, he said (as serious as he could be), "Time does not heal all wounds!"

 

 

For about a year after she watched Sound of Music, my dd (then age 3-4) insisted that nobody would want to go to Germany since it was swarming with Nazis.

 

Since then she has watched Mother Teresa and is not looking forward to our upcoming India trip, because she is afraid people will treat us like some of the scary folks treated Mother Teresa in the movie.

 

She also got excited about the prospect of going to St. Louis (we didn't go) because she thought she could see the World's Fair and maybe meet Judy Garland ("Meet Me In St. Louis").

[Plateau Mama]

Conversation with my 5 yo today.

 

L: Do germs fly?

Me: No not really. (Went on to explain how germs transfer.)

L: So, there are no germs in the clouds then, right?

[T'smom]

My two yo has been saying " I love you too much, Mommy!"

[ChristusG]

The girls and I got a pack of Cadbury caramel eggs to share. I gave each of us one and there were two left over. My 8 year old was very concerned about those extras. She kept asking who they were going to and if she'd be able to have one of them. Finally I said "Don't worry about the extra candy. You got one so you need to be content with that."

 

From the back seat I heard her mutter to herself with an irritated look on her face, as she buckled her seatbelt...."Yeah, I know where those eggs are going.....in Mommy's tummy."

[jkwynn]

At a recent t-ball game, after my 5yo DS ran to home plate, his coach gave him the extra bat to take back to the dugout.

 

As he's walking past where I'm sitting, I overhear him say, "I'm not the MAILMAN..."

[beaners]

^{Today my 2 year old was acting out different animals. "I am a frog" - jumps around. "I am a snake" - lays on his belly and slithers around. "I am a lion" - lays down. I was like, um, what are you doing? It took me a while but I finally realized that at the zoo the lions are always sleeping lol.}

 

Lol! I told my children to pretend to be butterflies the other day. My 2 year old started running around yelling ROAR at the top of his lungs. I still haven't figured that out.

 

DS7 thinks one of our 50 states is named Alcohol.

 

DS: "Mom, so where does Alcohol go on the map?"

Me: "Huh? What are you talking about?!"

DS: "You know, from the song . . . [hums a little] . . . Hawaai, Alcohol!"

Me: "Dude. That's IDAHO. It's out west, dearie."

 

We watched Akeelah and the Bee recently. My oldest keeps calling it "Alcohol and the Bee."

 

Also, I can't go through the wine section in my favorite grocery store without my children making a fuss. "Wine, that's for Mama," "Haha, Mama likes wine," and even "Yine, Yine, heheheheheh," from the 2 year old.

 

You would think I did nothing but drink.

[busymama7]

Ok this is old but I just remembered.

 

When my now 16 year old was about 4 or 5 we were in the grocery store and he got all excited and pointed to the "football juice". I couldn't figure it out till I saw a huge beer display.

 

What's funny about this is that we are Mormon so never drink beer while watching football. :). I guess all the commercials for beer during the game is what made him associate the two. This was before he could read so it was all the logo! ;)

[fourcatmom]

She didn't say it to me but my 11 dd told her friend that I was "A Tired".

 

She meant retired but I guess since I can't work due to health issued that A Tired is what made sense to her.

[dakarimom5]

I finally have one!! This morning my ds3 and I were having a quiet moment in the kitchen and then this happened....

 

Me: I love you

DS3: I love you too

 

DS3: Its cool we love the same vowel....

 

This kid cracks me up!!!

[Pod's mum]

 

Also, I can't go through the wine section in my favorite grocery store without my children making a fuss. "Wine, that's for Mama," "Haha, Mama likes wine," and even "Yine, Yine, heheheheheh," from the 2 year old.

 

You would think I did nothing but drink.

 

My dd told someone recently (new friend), "I've never seen Mum sober."

I asked her what sober meant.

"It means you've had too much alcohol."

So I explained what it DOES mean.

Friend had started to wonder.

 

Recently she came up with "I love gently pushing your arm and watching the wave of fat go over to there."

I weigh 66kg! AND my arms are NOT fat (I save that for my belly).

 

So there you have it, my dd has a drunk, fatty mum.

A loved one though.

[Chelle in MO]

Ok this is old but I just remembered.

 

When my now 16 year old was about 4 or 5 we were in the grocery store and he got all excited and pointed to the "football juice". I couldn't figure it out till I saw a huge beer display.

 

What's funny about this is that we are Mormon so never drink beer while watching football. :). I guess all the commercials for beer during the game is what made him associate the two. This was before he could read so it was all the logo! ;)

 

Football juice! Hilarious!

 

When my ds16 was about that age (4 or 5), dh asked him what he'd like to drink w/dinner. Ds said, "How about an easy-drinkin' Bud Light!" Too much Cardinals' baseball!

[Mom-ninja.]

My 4 yr old asked me during dinner, "Mommy, has my food cooled up?"

[Mergath]

Our neighbor's daughters are named Aaliyah (pronounced uh-LEE-uh) and Ashley. Dd has to wear a leotard to gymnastics, and she keeps calling it her Aaliyah-tard. And the other day she asked me if she could get an Ashley-tard to wear to gymnastics, too.

[mmeblue]

Mergath's reminded me - in my 4-year-old's gymnastics class, they do what the coach calls "L runs," where their arms are to stay close to their bodies and in the shape of an L. DD can explain to you what these are, including the "shaped like an L" part. But she calls them "elf runs."

[Crafty Mathy Mom]

Dd 13 and ds 9 were debating geeks and nerds. Dd said she was more of a nerd because she loves books, but doesn't like science. Ds would be a geek because he likes science and computers. I asked what I was. They stared at each other a moment, and ds said, "Queen?" :D

[Susan in TN]

It's a little embarrassing to admit, but my younger kids identify chairs and sofas by their seating capacity - only they call it a "1-player chair", a "2-player chair" (loveseat), or a "3-player chair" (sofa). (video games on the brain, hmmmm? :rolleyes: )

[RocCityMom]

My almost-two-year old and I just had this conversation:

 

Me: The day before Easter, we will hard boil a bunch of eggs and dip them in dye to make them turn really pretty colors. And we'll set them out along with our Easter baskets. Then while we're sleeping, the Easter Bunny will come and --

DD: He eat all the eggs up!

Me: Uh. No. He, um, he actually, he hides them for us to find. Then you know what he does?

DD: Peter Rabbit play in our yard. Granny Fox try to catch him.

Me: Uh. No, actually he puts chocolate and jelly beans in your basket.

 

Well, when she puts it like that, it all sounds like crazy talk, doesn't it?

 

On St. Patrick's day morning, my six-year old said "To catch the leprechauns next year, we should leave Guinness in the trap." Before I could get too upset about whatever ethnic stereotypes he's been exposed to, he added, "It has a gold harp on the bottle, so they would be attracted to that." Whew!

 

My six-year-old again:

DS: Mama, I need some fabric so I can sew a pouch for glitter.

Me: What?

DS: I just want to fill a pouch with glitter and carry it with me. Everyone loves glitter. And besides, if a room is too dark, you can smear glue on the walls and add glitter so you get more reflected light.

 

And this from my five-year old:

While getting the kids ready for baths, I stepped, with my bare feet, in a puddle just in front of the toilet. As I washed my feet in the sink and as DD spread foaming shampoo all over her dry hair and on her face, I hollered to the last person to use the toilet, DS5, to explain himself. He said, "I'm sorry, mama, but it's hard to aim when you're peeing at top speed."

[Mom-ninja.]

It was cold this morning and frost covered the ground. My 4 yr old went outside then promptly came back in and said, "Mommy, it's frisky outside."

[Susan in TN]

From my 4yodd - "I'm not crying! My eyes have wetness and the drops are falling out of my eyeballs!"