goldberry Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Is anyone else a quiet person with a quiet mate and a kid who TALKS ALL THE TIME ABOUT NOTHING AT ALL???!!! DD was always a talker, even from very young. At about 10 she was diagnosed with ADD, and we decided to medicate. Her rambling decreased dramatically. She still talked alot, but not so much aimless talking about nothing and not constantly. About a month ago we went gluten free for her, because of stomach issues. Since we went GF, she feels much better (yay!) but she has resumed constant rambling. We literally get a play-by-play of every single thought going on in her head. She can keep talking without a pause even though no one is responding. It's literally making me insane! I feel like I am growing more irritated with her by the day, and not even wanting to listen when she is saying something of value. I'm conflicted about how to handle this. Number one, I really don't like people (anyone) who just ramble on about nothing. I'm not sure other people like them either. Part of me thinks it's a bad social behavior that I should address with her. The other part of me thinks that she is so super sensitive right now (14yo girl) and that she really needs to feel like what she says matters to me and I am not interested in just shutting her up. She has already been "hurt" various times by me blowing off something she thought was "really important" (like how she styled her hair in a slightly different yet significant way :confused1: ). But I seriously am developing a very negative attitude toward her over this. Is this my problem? Or is this valid to address with her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trillian Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 DS used to do this a lot. We had a conversation about the difference between a conversation and a monologue and what that looked like - allowing a pause for people to respond, listeninging for clues that they were interested, etc. He rarely does it now (although he still does) and it's usually when he's really excited. A reminder helps him rein it in. The other part is I often talk to him abut things I'm not interested in, just because I love hm and to encourage that give and take instead of talking at me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Will be watching for hints. DS narrates his world, every thought, everything he's doing... Every. Thing. I find that I tune him out at times, and then miss something important... not the right way to handle it. My mother is the same way, and it drives me bonkers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 She could come and talk with my 16dd who is just like that. The meds have helped but in the evening when they are wearing off it is non stop talking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I am right there with you. My introvert, quiet husband and me just get so talked out. My chatter is 15. She gives me these huge long descriptions of movies that she watched at a friend's house, a conversation that she had, a text convo. that she had, it wears on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 I find that I tune him out at times, and then miss something important... not the right way to handle it. Yes, this. In addition to getting super irritable sometimes, I want to yell, "Can't you just be quiet for 5 minutes?!" but that is really hurtful and I know that's not the way to handle it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Is anyone else a quiet person with a quiet mate and a kid who TALKS ALL THE TIME ABOUT NOTHING AT ALL???!!! DD was always a talker, even from very young. At about 10 she was diagnosed with ADD, and we decided to medicate. Her rambling decreased dramatically. She still talked alot, but not so much aimless talking about nothing and not constantly. About a month ago we went gluten free for her, because of stomach issues. Since we went GF, she feels much better (yay!) but she has resumed constant rambling. We literally get a play-by-play of every single thought going on in her head. She can keep talking without a pause even though no one is responding. It's literally making me insane! I feel like I am growing more irritated with her by the day, and not even wanting to listen when she is saying something of value. I'm conflicted about how to handle this. Number one, I really don't like people (anyone) who just ramble on about nothing. I'm not sure other people like them either. Part of me thinks it's a bad social behavior that I should address with her. The other part of me thinks that she is so super sensitive right now (14yo girl) and that she really needs to feel like what she says matters to me and I am not interested in just shutting her up. She has already been "hurt" various times by me blowing off something she thought was "really important" (like how she styled her hair in a slightly different yet significant way :confused1: ). But I seriously am developing a very negative attitude toward her over this. Is this my problem? Or is this valid to address with her? :grouphug: My son is 14 and exactly like this. He's just often very enthusiastic about things. And yes, it drives me nuts. Some things that have helped: Explain exactly what it feels like. These kids really don't get how awful it feels to be on the receiving end of the constant verbage. I told my son that it feels like he's using me as a word dump. And it's really not nice to do that to people. If you are going to talk to people, you have to have some consideration for their experience of the conversation. Talk to them (it will take repeated times) about what conversation is and isn't. Conversation is the talking AND listening (bet she doesn't listen very well, if she's like my son) with someone about a topic. It is not a stream of conscienceness that comes out of your mouth and gets dumped on someone else like a pile of bricks. Talk to them about the fact that not everything that flits through their mind needs to come out of their mouth. Talk to them about audience. Ask them to consider whether or not a given person is the right audience for what they want to talk about. Unlike some parents, I don't think that every goofy thing that my son finds funny is worth large quantities of my attention. I tell him if it's gross or animated, I don't want to hear about it. Exercise. Hard, physical exercise. Got to wear these kids out. A tired kid, is a quiet kid. Institute quiet times during the day. A couple of hours where there is just no talking allowed. They can read, they can do schoolwork, they can go outside, whatever. But for a couple of hours they need to be quiet and get out of your mental space. This also gives them the experience to realize that it won't kill them to be quiet. Good luck. This is a kind of social immaturity. It's ok to say that you don't want to hear them blabbing all day long. You have a responsibility to the world not to let a mouth of mass destruction out into it. : ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 I am right there with you. My introvert, quiet husband and me just get so talked out. My chatter is 15. She gives me these huge long descriptions of movies that she watched at a friend's house, a conversation that she had, a text convo. that she had, it wears on me. So my question is, is that just a personality trait and "ok", or is it a social behavior, and is there a point in discussing with her that other people don't always want to hear about every detail of those things??? ETA, every single morning I hear about all the dreams she had during the night, even if they just involved cleaning her room. WHILE I AM HAVING MY COFFEE :bored: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sisyphus Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I used to tell my kids "mommys ears are full". I always thought they would talk to each other, and they do, but more often they both talk at the same time to ME!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My DS10 is a talker as well. Constantly. He hums as well. All. Day. Long. It makes the entire family crazy. BUT, I believe the 'craziness' we were all feeling is because of ME. I would get irritated and ask DS to stop, then Dh would follow up and ask him to stop, then DS8 would pipe in, and of course, this only made things worse. I read a story one day about a mom who had lost her young son to a terminal illness. She described his pre-illness days much like what my son's days are like now. As she wrote of her longing to be able to hear one of her son's long-winded rambles about nothing at all, it hit me squarely in the heart. From that day forward I vowed to listen. I vowed not to let the small stuff irritate me. I'm not saying it solved my irritation of hearing his noises and stories all day long, but rather, I realized what the alternatives were, and I try very hard not to let my irritation show. I feign interest as needed, and talk MORE with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 ETA, every single morning I hear about all the dreams she had during the night, even if they just involved cleaning her room. WHILE I AM HAVING MY COFFEE :bored: I know, I know....then that gets my other kids started on THEIR dreams. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I have a 7YO ds who does this. He will go on and on and on about everything he is doing or thinking about, which is mostly related to Star Wars, Legos, which jewels he has earned in AWANA and sometimes Batman. Sometimes I tell him my ears are tired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyP Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 YES!!!!! My 9yo dd has been this way since she learned to speak. I think it is a normal personality trait, but that doesn't make it socially acceptable, IMO. Nobody wants to be on the receiving end of that. I have tried, like pp suggested, to teach her to be mindful of her audience. I also have to have quiet time for my own sanity. Specifically to the dreams, give her a notebook. Tell her to write them down every morning and pick one to share at the end of the week. A friend suggested that to me, and I rarely hear her a play by play of her dreams anymore. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Yes, this is us as well. DH and I have no idea how our girl ended up being so extraverted and chatty. It is definitely exhausting for us at times. But I am working on being patient with her. She has so many good qualities, many directly stemming from her extraversion. She is open and friendly and happy. I want her to stay that way. I don't want her to feel like she has to bottle up every thought she has. I don't know, I wish I could be more expressive, and I know a lot of people want to "fix" introverts, like there's something wrong with keeping some thoughts in your head. So we don't try too hard to keep her monologues down, but we do step in when her talking is preventing someone else from saying something. She often complains that someone interrupted her, to which we respond "They had to, otherwise they'd never get to talk." And I try to encourage her by acknowledging when she does something quietly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I did not really read everything (skimmed, sorry), but you're welcome to have your dd call my dd for a nightly ramble! I say it's ok to address it. My dd's speech therapist is working on conversation skills with her. Appropriate pausing, volume, rate, asking relevant questions, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 yes. We have a mandatory quiet time where everyone has to go to their room and be alone (do whatever they choose) because I need silence. I also ask at least once a day for a "brain break" which they have learned means I need to be left alone for a bit because the constant input is driving me nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 But I am working on being patient with her. She has so many good qualities, many directly stemming from her extraversion. She is open and friendly and happy. I want her to stay that way. I don't want her to feel like she has to bottle up every thought she has. I don't know, I wish I could be more expressive, and I know a lot of people want to "fix" introverts, like there's something wrong with keeping some thoughts in your head. So we don't try too hard to keep her monologues down, but we do step in when her talking is preventing someone else from saying something. She often complains that someone interrupted her, to which we respond "They had to, otherwise they'd never get to talk." And I try to encourage her by acknowledging when she does something quietly. This is so true! DD is known at our church for being the most open-hearted girl...anyone new she walks right up and introduces herself, welcomes them and then introduces them around. Not just young ones either! When other girls have "cliques" DD seeks out everyone to include them. She talks to little old people (who are happy to listen to her!) I do value that in her. Also, I know how important it is for a teen to feel valued and listened to. That's why I'm afraid to address it too much. I would hate for something that is merely an annoyance to me, make her feel like she wasn't accepted or valued and hence affect other areas. Right now she is very open with me and her dad even about serious issues. I don't know that she can really tell the difference. If I try to get her to stop talking about trivial issues, she might mistranslate that into "just stop talking". Considering at this age she mistranslates EVERYTHING and takes EVERYTHING personally. I might be able to slip in some of the great suggestions about what a conversation is though, thanks for those! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I talk alot but my 5yo takes it to new lengths. Enough to make me consider Benadryl and duct tape. I need to read all these hints. So far we've stuck with " Can you talk in your head." but that doesn't do it. (Ok, I may have shouted "For the love of all that's holy can you be quiet for 2 seconds.". But it was just once." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleinMN Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My 16 yo son exhausts me because of this. Seriously exhausts me. Every day. All day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My 12-year-old does this, but only right after he's been fed. DH and I just shake our heads and wonder why we feed him. This is the kid who was in speech therapy because we ere afraid hed never talk. Perhaps you should pull up an old CSPAN clip and make your daughter sit through a filibuster. There is a distinct difference between that and a conversation. Nobody wants to be talked AT. Perhaps the rule is that if you're not willing to pause and listen to what the other person has to say, or bother to read their cues, you should be telling this to your diary. If you want to function in a society, you have to CARE about how the person you're talking to feels. it's better she learn it from you than feel hurt because other kids a avoiding her chatter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My 12-year-old does this, but only right after he's been fed. DH and I just shake our heads and wonder why we feed him. This is the kid who was in speech therapy because we ere afraid hed never talk. Perhaps you should pull up an old CSPAN clip and make your daughter sit through a filibuster. There is a distinct difference between that and a conversation. Nobody wants to be talked AT. Perhaps the rule is that if you're not willing to pause and listen to what the other person has to say, or bother to read their cues, you should be telling this to your diary. If you want to function in a society, you have to CARE about how the person you're talking to feels. it's better she learn it from you than feel hurt because other kids a avoiding her chatter. This is not an entirely bad idea. Maybe get kids like this to watch some movies that have a lot of dialogue. Not necessarily boring movies, but movies where there is true back and forth. Get them to watch debate team videos from Youtube and notice how the rules are set up so that people must be quiet and listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My DS is the same. I tell him he's monologuing all the time! I see it as a social skill that needs to be taught and that I'm doing him no favors by allowing him to keep his habit. So far...we haven't made much progress. :rolleyes: I have had the discussion about how to have a conversation vs. a lecture or monologue. I have tried to kindly stop him when he is monopolizing conversations or droning on and on to uninterested people. I have recently decided that his brain is just so full of ideas that he feels he needs to get out or he'll go crazy. I told him that it isn't fair to expect others to be his brain dumping ground! I encourage him to write it down or draw his ideas or something. I really think that if he can channel his thoughts into writing stories or art or comics, then he will be happier. He's only 11 so he has time to work on it. I do try to not automatically tune him out and to listen for when he's actually trying to share with me vs dumping on me. It's hard. I've told him that the less he talks, the more people will listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I can totally relate. I've always been a quiet person. My daughter (now 24 years old) still talks quite a bit. At least now I can ask her to be quiet for a while and she will. If I don't request quiet, I don't get quiet though. She started talking at 13 months of age, was talking in complete sentences by 18 months, and hasn't stopped talking since. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'm surprised to see so many boys with this issue! Never would have guessed! Just thinking about the idea of not trying to "fix" introverts/extroverts etc....I was extremely introverted as a kid. I don't think being introverted OR extroverted needs to be fixed, but learning things that are polite and make others comfortable is not the same as "fixing" really. I won't ever be an extrovert, but I did learn how to act politely interested in those around me so people didn't feel awkward. I think that's probably the same as an extrovert learning to "reign it in" a bit to not overwhelm people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I am very quiet, and my DS talks 24/7. Literally...if he is awake,his mouth is going. It drives me crazy most of the time and was the hardest thing about homeschooling for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I used to tell my kids "mommys ears are full". Oh, that's good! I've always been fond of, "You are permitted unexpressed thoughts." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Perhaps you could start a special sharing journal with her. She writes down whatever she wants to share, you read it and can respond in writing. It won't replace all the talking but could perhaps replace some as you give her another outlet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I can totally relate. I've always been a quiet person. My daughter (now 24 years old) still talks quite a bit. At least now I can ask her to be quiet for a while and she will. If I don't request quiet, I don't get quiet though. She started talking at 13 months of age, was talking in complete sentences by 18 months, and hasn't stopped talking since. LOL, we often joke about how exciting it was when our chatty Cathy started talking, and look at us now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Four of mine are chatter boxes. Earplugs are my friends when I need to tune them out for short periods of time. I would seriously go insane otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Upward Journey Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 So my question is, is that just a personality trait and "ok", or is it a social behavior, and is there a point in discussing with her that other people don't always want to hear about every detail of those things??? ETA, every single morning I hear about all the dreams she had during the night, even if they just involved cleaning her room. WHILE I AM HAVING MY COFFEE :bored: We have a longstanding rule at our house. You may not talk to Mom until AFTER her second cup of coffee. I feel your pain. This is the reason that the rule came into being. My oldest, now grown and out of the house, liked to talk. a.lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 My 3-year-old narrates everything to me--often in song! It is so mentally exhausting to be with him, not to mention the physical exhaustion of his busyness! DH recorded DS saying, "Please talk to me! Please talk to me! Please talk to me!" as his ringtone so we could find it easier to laugh and not be annoyed! This reminds me of 2 brothers I used to know. I went on a 6 hr. trip with them and their mom when they were 12 & 14. They were OBSESSED with military planes and would talk for hours on that subject. The 12-year-old had special needs and would hyper-focus on topics and had an amazing memory for facts/details. Two hours into the trip, their mom was sick of it and banned all plane talk. She threatened them with various punishments. They were quiet for a few minutes, then started up again. She angrily yelled at them about what privileges they would be losing. The 12-year-old was shocked and incredulous, "But mom, we weren't talking about planes; we were talking about helicopters!" She laughed and then banned discussion of any vehicles and anything related to the military for the next hour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 DD11 talks all the time during the day. If I'm not listening, she talks to the dogs. It is getting better as she gets older, but when we are in the car, she chats the whole time unless she has a book to read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chepyl Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Both of my kids. Sometimes I just say, "I love you, but O need quiet." He has learned to respect that. It only took 7.5 years. Now, I am working on the 5 year old. And I am sure the baby will follow suit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I've got a constant talker. If this child is around you there will be something constantly going on vocally--it's often talking but he throws in sound effects and humming as well. He even reads books out loud. He's just never quiet unless he's sick. My other child talks a lot as well compared to myself and especially my husband but I really think he's typical probably and we're quieter than average. Anyway, I've instituted an "in your room and quiet enough that the whole house can't hear you" time in the afternoon now. My talker usually talks to himself in there but it doesn't grate on me as it does when it's all day in my space. We've just started ADHD medication. I'm hoping it gives him enough control to reign it in when he needs to be quiet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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