Nestof3 Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 We are meeting them got coffee this evening. He has been trying to get together again very soon after seeing them. It's unusual. His girlfriend also posted about being the happiest girl ever on Facebook. I'm going to try really hard to look happy. I'm worried about him being young, about him not graduating, and about how hard marriage is. Please don't slam me. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 You're his mother. You're going to worry about the choices your kids make, regardless of what they are, b/c choices mean an element of risk. No flame here :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keniki Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Well, now, if it's the 11 yo or the 12 yo, then yes, he's too young. The 22 is not too young. :D Wishing them much happiness together. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 (edited) :grouphug:Go easy on yourself. Given everything surrounding the situation I'd worry if you were NOT worried. Edited October 15, 2012 by 425lisamarie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtoamiracle Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I was 20 and dh 21 when we got married. Well have our 25th Ann next month. You're a mom tho, it's normal to worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 :grouphug: So hard when they don't choose as you would have them. "If you'd just do what I tell you, you'd feel much less pain in the future!!!" Some learn the hard way. Hopefully, they encounter Grace that helps with the hard places. Growth is difficult, but we have to allow it. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 (edited) We are meeting them got coffee this evening. He has been trying to get together again very soon after seeing them. It's unusual. His girlfriend also posted about being the happiest girl ever on Facebook. I'm going to try really hard to look happy. I'm worried about him being young, about him not graduating, and about how hard marriage is. Please don't slam me. :( Its normal to worry! Marriage is hard :) But its entirely possible to get married young and have a successful marriage. After all, Im sure you raised him well. P.S. I was 17 when I got married :) It was the first month of my senior year in high school. Yes it turned some heads, but I don't regret it for a second! We have had incredibly rough times, and Ive been through about 10x as much as people I know that are my age.. but I am incredibly blessed and happy in my marriage and with our two wonderful children. Edited October 15, 2012 by BlessedMomma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I'd be worried too. :grouphug: BUT... I was 19yo when I married my dh, and not a very mature 19yo. My parents had never met my dh. I'd only known him a year. But they were supportive, never said a word against it, and 23 (happily married) years later I still look to them as the model of good parenting of adult children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claire up north Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I married at 21. 22 years later, it still ranks as the best decision ever. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 :grouphug: This might be a great opportunity to build a good relationship with his girlfriend. I'm sorry...based on what you've said recently, I'd be sad, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Of course you are worried, it is scary when kids do something you do not want them to do, but please be happy and supportive. Dh and I got married at 19, and to say my mom was not supportive is an understatement. We have been married 14 yrs., and we have had many trials that were out of our control and navigated through them just fine. We have grown up together in a sense, and in many ways that has been a benefit for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I absolutely understand that you're not thrilled, but it's time to bite your tongue and smile, smile, smile!! Don't betray for one second that your feelings are not pure joy. You'll be laying the foundation for hard times to come. :grouphug: Yeah, I understand that you feel like you're looking at a disaster in the making. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dansamy Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 It could be worse. She might be pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Also, just think about how young our grandparents generation was when they got married.. and thats when marriages were solid and strong! Now I know the world is a lot different today but its all about the two people involved. Sorry, just trying to make you feel a little better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jpoy85 Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 It could be worse. She might be pregnant. Thats not worse. Thats not awesome but its not worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 My brother and his dw were 19 when they got married. My brother finished college, then a masters. Then his dw finished college. Then my brother attended law school at night and they had their 2 dc while he was in law school. I believe they've been married 29 years. Now, if my ds told me he was getting married that young I'd have to seriously restrain myself. It's OK to worry. But also know it can turn out well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 We are meeting them got coffee this evening. He has been trying to get together again very soon after seeing them. It's unusual. His girlfriend also posted about being the happiest girl ever on Facebook. I'm going to try really hard to look happy. I'm worried about him being young, about him not graduating, and about how hard marriage is. Please don't slam me. :( No slams, just :grouphug:. Do try really hard to be happy, even if you have to fake it like crazy. If this is what they've decided, start it on the best foot possible with them. This will make it easier for them to trust your support (and I know you support and care for what is best for them), and when they hit the hard spots, maybe you'll be someone they'll turn to for guidance. I know this is hard for you, Dawn. I hope for only the very best. Who knows? Maybe they'll really surprise you with some newfound maturity. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 (edited) We always worry about our kids. It is what we do. :) Your kindness and acceptance may help them grow well together. Edited October 16, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 You're his mother. You're going to worry about the choices your kids make, regardless of what they are, b/c choices mean an element of risk. No flame here :grouphug: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: From what you've told us, Dawn, I would be just as concerned as you are. :grouphug: Maybe you can make a good case for the value of a long engagement... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 :grouphug: Hopefully his lady will send him back to college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Thats not worse. Thats not awesome but its not worse. In this case, I think it would definitely be worse. Dawn has said in the past that her ds has made immature decisions, and he is working at a low-wage job right now, so I definitely think adding a baby to the mix would be incredibly difficult. It sounds like both he and the girlfriend have plenty of growing up to do, so it doesn't sound like either of them would be at all ready for parenthood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 :grouphug: Practice this :D. Befriend her. If they are starting out this young they will need all the support they can get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jpoy85 Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 In this case, I think it would definitely be worse. Dawn has said in the past that her ds has made immature decisions, and he is working at a low-wage job right now, so I definitely think adding a baby to the mix would be incredibly difficult. It sounds like both he and the girlfriend have plenty of growing up to do, so it doesn't sound like either of them would be at all ready for parenthood. I know right now it would be worse. I hope Dawn its something like he got a great job and they can get a great apartment. Maybe its not as big as you fear? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 DH and I got engaged at 21 and didn't marry until we were 26. So you never know. Plus I know you don't approve of how he's living his life and you wouldn't have been happy as my mom either but here I am married 11 years (next month)/together for 15 and in a strong marriage. It is possible. ;) But I would let go of your worries and be happy for them. If you do the opposite then it will always be a stain on the memory of their engagement for them and maybe for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 In this case, I think it would definitely be worse. Dawn has said in the past that her ds has made immature decisions, and he is working at a low-wage job right now, so I definitely think adding a baby to the mix would be incredibly difficult. It sounds like both he and the girlfriend have plenty of growing up to do, so it doesn't sound like either of them would be at all ready for parenthood. Perhaps if there is a wedding in the offing it will be the kick start he needs to finish his degree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 :grouphug:Hopefully his lady will send him back to college. She did say she wouldn't let him not graduate. I just wish she wouldn't have to say that. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to make your husband do things. I will be nothing but nice to them about this, trust me. I'm sure my own disappointments have something to do with my concerns, but I trust you ladies that marriage can be great. I haven't met many in real life that feel this way, so it is refreshing to hear. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted October 15, 2012 Author Share Posted October 15, 2012 I also hope no one takes my concerns personally -- I am not at all opposed to young marriages. I was quite mature at 22. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 She did say she wouldn't let him not graduate. I just wish she wouldn't have to say that. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to make your husband do things. I will be nothing but nice to them about this, trust me. I'm sure my own disappointments have something to do with my concerns, but I trust you ladies that marriage can be great. I haven't met many in real life that feel this way, so it is refreshing to hear. :) Yes. It absolutely can be. It absolutely should be. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 She did say she wouldn't let him not graduate. I just wish she wouldn't have to say that. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to make your husband do things. I will be nothing but nice to them about this, trust me. I'm sure my own disappointments have something to do with my concerns, but I trust you ladies that marriage can be great. I haven't met many in real life that feel this way, so it is refreshing to hear. :) We married at 22/23 and are hitting 25 years this December. My husband was the best decision I ever made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 She did say she wouldn't let him not graduate. I just wish she wouldn't have to say that. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to make your husband do things. I will be nothing but nice to them about this, trust me. I'm sure my own disappointments have something to do with my concerns, but I trust you ladies that marriage can be great. I haven't met many in real life that feel this way, so it is refreshing to hear. :) Oh, I hear ya there sister! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I know right now it would be worse. I hope Dawn its something like he got a great job and they can get a great apartment. Maybe its not as big as you fear? :iagree: Or maybe he's going to announce that he's going to finish school! :001_smile: OK, he's probably getting engaged, but Jpoy is right -- there are certainly other possibilities! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 She did say she wouldn't let him not graduate. I just wish she wouldn't have to say that. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to make your husband do things. I will be nothing but nice to them about this, trust me. I'm sure my own disappointments have something to do with my concerns, but I trust you ladies that marriage can be great. I haven't met many in real life that feel this way, so it is refreshing to hear. :) My dad dropped out of college. He proposed to my mom. She turned him down until he got his degree. Then he proposed again. They got married. They both went to grad school. My dad got a PhD in Economics. But it took my mom forcing the issue to get my dad to go back to school. They have been married 48 years, and are best friends and completely and totally in love. But, I know I would be worried, too, if I were you. I will be thinking good thoughts for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I finished my master's before we got married. It was something I wanted done but nobody forced the issue. So it may be a natural goal for him before marriage, who knows... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 (edited) :grouphug: Practice this :D. Befriend her. If they are starting out this young they will need all the support they can get. That's it in a nutshell. Edited October 16, 2012 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 :grouphug: It's normal to be concerned. Please try to fake it 'til you make it, otherwise they won't turn to you when life gets harder. I'm learning, albeit slowly, to do the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 :grouphug: It's normal to be concerned. Please try to fake it 'til you make it, otherwise they won't turn to you when life gets harder. I'm learning, albeit slowly, to do the same. :iagree:Fake it..... you won't regret it later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I'm sure my own disappointments have something to do with my concerns, but I trust you ladies that marriage can be great. I haven't met many in real life that feel this way, so it is refreshing to hear. :) :grouphug: Maybe you can think about how much you and your in-laws to be are willing to help out your son and future DIL? Like future babysitting and groceries/diapers help. My brother married at 27 and was unemployed a few times. My parents had to bail them out time to time with groceries eventhough he did not overspend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I absolutely understand that you're not thrilled, but it's time to bite your tongue and smile, smile, smile!! Don't betray for one second that your feelings are not pure joy. You'll be laying the foundation for hard times to come. :grouphug: Yeah, I understand that you feel like you're looking at a disaster in the making. :iagree: My MIL once told me that she got the advice when her kids were hitting young adulthood, "Be nice to any girl/guy they bring around. It may be your future son/daughter-in-law." I think that is spot-on advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 It's your job to worry. However, unless there are some major issues that we are unaware of here on the board, please be happy for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: Good luck tonight. No slams, just :grouphug:. Do try really hard to be happy, even if you have to fake it like crazy. If this is what they've decided, start it on the best foot possible with them. This will make it easier for them to trust your support (and I know you support and care for what is best for them), and when they hit the hard spots, maybe you'll be someone they'll turn to for guidance. I know this is hard for you, Dawn. I hope for only the very best. Who knows? Maybe they'll really surprise you with some newfound maturity. :grouphug: :iagree: Beautifully said! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 She did say she wouldn't let him not graduate. I just wish she wouldn't have to say that. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to make your husband do things. Yeah, and then there's also the part where it's MUCH easier to 'make' a guy do something if you can say "We'll get married after you do thus-and-such!" You can't really change a person, and you really can't make a person change after the wedding. But here's hoping! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I also got married at 22, and 12 years later we are still going strong. :) It's natural to worry about our children, though. I don't think that will ever stop. We need to let them make their own choices, though, especially at that age, and just support them. :) Be happy! This is a very good thing for them. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelsi Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Just another "success" story: I had just turned 22 when dh and I met. 6 weeks later we were married & in February we'll have our 10 yr anniversary. Best 10 yrs of my life & best decision I ever made. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: Dawn. I know this may be difficult for you, but do try so hard to fake it. My in-laws did not when dh & I got engaged at 23. It took me years to forgive them for how they made both of us feel (almost 15 to be exact). They have since told us that dh's decision to marry me was the smartest thing he had ever done. The pain in the interim was not pleasant though. Dh & I are rock-solid after 15 yrs of marriage, 20 together. Your son may find his marriage like that too, especially if he feels your support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Am I the only one who keeps checking this thread for an update? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Am I the only one who keeps checking this thread for an update? :tongue_smilie: Nope.... me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Well, I just read it for the first time and I already want an update... I was hoping there was one at the end!! Dawn, I know that you'll bite your tongue and smile big. I know based on the circumstances, it may not be ideal. But hopefully, if a proposal is what's going on, it will be the impetus he needs to find some maturity. Thinking of you. :grouphug: We want to hear *all* the details. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug:Go easy on yourself. Given everything surrounding the situation I'd worry if you were NOT worried. :iagree: and :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Am I the only one who keeps checking this thread for an update? :tongue_smilie: I admit it. I am, too. :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hana Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Me, too. I hope it's going well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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