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If you believe that older women are Biblically mandated to counsel younger women...


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UPDATE:

*Please*, don't add any additional comments to this thread. I'm thankful for the perspectives, and will consider them all, but I don't want to be the source of a closed/deleted thread. I'm not a rule-breaker by nature.

 

If you'd like to offer any other advice, please feel free to P.M. me. :-)

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What do you think about this?

 

I know a young woman (around 25 yo) who professes to be a Christian.

At the same time, she has been playing very close to the edge of some really egregious sins, that have (I'm sure mostly unintentionally) really seriously hurt other people.

 

I know she doesn't have a mom or sister or other family support for her faith, and I'm not even sure she has a church home and the fellowship of other Christian women to help her through life. She may still be downplaying the seriousness of her actions, and regardless of the pain she may have caused me personally, I'm also worried about her own future and the future of other families that she (may already be) inadvertently putting in a possibly painful position. I don't believe any of the things she has done are intentional, but I also think she may not be thinking things through, and doesn't realize the cost of her actions to other people, and most especially, the expense to her own character.

 

I want her to protect herself from bad situations, to always make sure she's not being used by others, and I want to very gently and kindly remind her to give her faith some "feet", and to spend her time in ways that will bear good fruit in the world, and in herself. To seek out what is beautiful, noble, and uplifting.

 

Because I have not disclosed her actions in public, I am also preventing this young woman from receiving any Godly counsel at all. It looks like I'm all there is, and I'm feeling that the Lord is leading me to find the words to help her. Not ongoing mentorship, just a word from someone who's a bit further along in her walk.

 

I'm aware that she may not welcome the counsel, but I don't think it will be at all confrontational on my part or hers. Even if she doesn't accept my words with grace, perhaps it will plant a seed that grows over time.

 

Am I nuts? :001_huh:

 

(I don't want to violate board rules, so I'd like to keep this on a surface level, and not get into any personal aspect of the situation, ok?)

Edited by Julie in CA
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What do you think about this?

 

I know a young woman (around 25 yo) who professes to be a Christian.

At the same time, she has been playing very close to the edge of some really egregious sins, that have (I'm sure mostly unintentionally) really seriously hurt other people.

 

I know she doesn't have a mom or sister or other family support for her faith, and I'm not even sure she has a church home and the fellowship of other Christian women to help her through life. She may still be downplaying the seriousness of her actions, and regardless of the pain she may have caused me personally, I'm also worried about her own future and the future of other families that she (may already be) inadvertently putting in a possibly painful position. I don't believe any of the things she has done are intentional, but I also think she may not be thinking things through, and doesn't realize the cost of her actions to other people, and most especially, the expense to her own character.

 

I want her to protect herself from bad situations, to always make sure she's not being used by others, and I want to very gently and kindly remind her to give her faith some "feet", and to spend her time in ways that will bear good fruit in the world, and in herself. To seek out what is beautiful, noble, and uplifting.

 

Because I have not disclosed her actions in public, I am also preventing this young woman from receiving any Godly counsel at all. It looks like I'm all there is, and I'm feeling that the Lord is leading me to find the words to help her. Not ongoing mentorship, just a word from someone who's a bit further along in her walk.

 

I'm aware that she may not welcome the counsel, but I don't think it will be at all confrontational on my part or hers. Even if she doesn't accept my words with grace, perhaps it will plant a seed that grows over time.

 

Am I nuts? :001_huh:

 

(I don't want to violate board rules, so I'd like to keep this on a surface level, and not get into any personal aspect of the situation, ok?)

 

NO, you aren't nuts. This is what we are supposed to do. If you have an opening, then take it. She will never forget that you tried to help, even if she ignores you at first.

 

I'm still looking for the older women myself...and I'm one of them now. It would be nice to talk to someone wise who is 20 years down the pike from me. I've been wondering where the heck they have been for years. All the ones I had have died.

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Not knowing the nature of your relationship with her, its hard to comment here. But in general, we need to speak the truth in love to one another in the Christian faith. Sometimes this is in the form of reproof and correction, which is hard, especially because in general, the modern Church does not really practice this.

 

I would just say to take your time, pray, and check your heart. Make sure this is not about you and your irritation with her behavior, but rather coming from a desire to see God honored in her life. Check your own eye for planks.

 

And, you mentioned that you are not interested in an on-going mentorship with this young woman, and I'm sure you have your reasons. However, relationships do make it easier to hear and accept the truth. So, I would just encourage you, if there is openness on her part to have a relationship with you, perhaps you will also be open to that.

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I wish there were more women like you in our churches; women who aren't afraid to confront and chastise a younger woman, in love, if they are going the wrong path. I've been lucky enough to have many of those women in my life at various points but they are few and far between. Confrontation is tough and she might not accept it but as the PP said, she won't forget it.

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If it were anyone else, I'd encourage you to approach her, because you seem such a loving and gentle woman.

 

But it's not anyone else.

 

And despite my complete faith in your good intentions, I just think all the other stuff would get in the way of the message being received as you intend it.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree: Leave it alone.

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If it were anyone else, I'd encourage you to approach her, because you seem such a loving and gentle woman.

 

But it's not anyone else.

 

And despite my complete faith in your good intentions, I just think all the other stuff would get in the way of the message being received as you intend it.

 

:grouphug:

 

This is very true.

 

On the other hand, she may genuinely be unaware of the effects of her choices and actions. Being made aware might help her. You may be the only one who can show those effects.

 

One question to consider is her background and family context. For example, I personally did not have a loving family, and once a teen I was virtually an independent adult. I was absolutely unaware of certain nuances of healthy relationships/healthy families, and my cluelessness sometimes put me in a position of violating boundaries without intending to do so. For me, it was only through extended time with healthy, happy families, AND for me, time in a happy, healthy marriage, that helped me understand. My point is that sometimes when someone has come from a dysfunctional context, emotional boundaries are not clear to that person.

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My attempt at discretion has left her with no guidance at all, and that is very selfish. We were very friendly before I knew what had happened, and I just haven't seen her since then. We've had no angry words or animosity that would get in the way of me being able to speak to her kindly.

 

If she accepts the counsel, then the Lord will have been glorified through my actions.

 

If she doesn't accept the counsel...well, there's really not much left for me to lose. Where's the downside?

 

It seems like the very best part of me would speak the truth in loving-kindness. That is what I would have done in the past, and that's the person I'd like to be in the future.

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Obviously I am missing the "whole story" here but if you do speak with her, focus on Biblical issues. If you can try to be encouraging about things she IS doing right, etc.

 

It is tough but I honestly think that we are loosing out on much wisdom by not having the older women mentoring the younger women and the older men mentoring the younger men. No one needs to be perfect but older women who have been there/done that can be a huge help to the younger women.

 

I am learning so much from a close friend of mine that is 11 years older. We though talk frequently about how we never were taught these things when we were first married, etc.

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My attempt at discretion has left her with no guidance at all, and that is very selfish. We were very friendly before I knew what had happened, and I just haven't seen her since then. We've had no angry words or animosity that would get in the way of me being able to speak to her kindly.

 

If she accepts the counsel, then the Lord will have been glorified through my actions.

 

If she doesn't accept the counsel...well, there's really not much left for me to lose. Where's the downside?

 

It seems like the very best part of me would speak the truth in loving-kindness. That is what I would have done in the past, and that's the person I'd like to be in the future.

 

I think the downside is that broken people shouldn't try to fix other broken people.

 

 

Spoken with the kindest of intentions, Julie, and with gentleness here. You are not the one who should be trying to fix her now. You should continue to focus on healing yourself.

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On the other hand, she may genuinely be unaware of the effects of her choices and actions. Being made aware might help her. You may be the only one who can show those effects.

 

One question to consider is her background and family context. For example, I personally did not have a loving family, and once a teen I was virtually an independent adult. I was absolutely unaware of certain nuances of healthy relationships/healthy families, and my cluelessness sometimes put me in a position of violating boundaries without intending to do so.

This is my impression. I think she's a nice person who was clueless about just how badly she trespassed on other people. Deep down, she knew it wasn't right, but I don't think she really thought through what might happen as a result of her actions (and those of others, I'm not making excuses or shifting blame, at all.)

 

I don't think anyone else knows what happened, and I doubt if she knows what the effects were on our end, since there's been no contact. I want her to have the chance to see grace in action, and I want her to grow in faith through her experiences.

 

I doubt that's ever been modeled for her, and I'd like to be used by the Lord in that way. It would be indulging the best part of my character. That's who I was before, and that's who I'd like to be again.

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I'm reading between the lines here but am fairly certain I'm right.

 

NO.

 

NO.

 

NO.

 

This will end very poorly. It's not your place and speaking to this person will not better your situation or your feelings. Chances are it will make it much much worse. There is not good that can come of this only more hurt.

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If I'm reading the unspoken here of who she is...

 

Please pray, seek the counseling of your clergy and therapist before you act on any impulses to seek her out.

I will be seeing her eventually, so it won't take me seeking her out, it will just free me from hiding and avoiding. I think that's probably a good thing.

 

We will absolutely see each other in the course of normal life, but this is me dealing with it in a spiritually healthy way for both of our sakes, if I'm being completely honest. I really *really* want to get back to being me. The me who cares about other people, who can see beyond myself, and who's willing to do hard things that have eternal value.

 

I'm finding that healing, for me, means finding who I am now, while still maintaining the best of who I was in the past. The best part of me would have gently talked to a young woman who was risking so much of herself. I'm not sure it really matters who she trespassed upon. I'm the only one that knows, and I cannot leave someone floundering when there's a chance that I might be able to help prevent a world of pain for someone else in the future.

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Are you able to do this without displaying anger that would not work the righteousness of God? (You are entitled to be angry about the situation, and her role in it, but that is not your purpose here.)

 

And are you willing to risk whatever might happen next, and have you thought through those possibilities?

 

For instance, she might be quite defiant.

 

Or she might think that restoration should mean that she can resume an inappropriate friendship.

 

Or she might think that because there was no physical issue, there was nothing wrong in what happened.

 

Any of those responses would be quite plausible, and also significantly challenging to deal with. The law of unintended consequences can really bite.

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Spoken with the kindest of intentions, Julie, and with gentleness here. You are not the one who should be trying to fix her now. You should continue to focus on healing yourself.

I think that's what this is. It's me becoming me again. I would never, in the past, have left a young woman in her situation without at least attempting to gently engage her in conversation about whether this was who she wanted to really be, reminding her that there's so much good in her, and to make choices that reflect the best in her, and not give in to sin out of thoughtlessness or loneliness.

 

It's going a long way toward healing, for me to be able to look beyond my own belly button again. :001_smile:

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I think that's what this is. It's me becoming me again. I would never, in the past, have left a young woman in her situation without at least attempting to gently engage her in conversation about whether this was who she wanted to really be, reminding her that there's so much good in her, and to make choices that reflect the best in her, and not give in to sin out of thoughtlessness or loneliness.

 

It's going a long way toward healing, for me to be able to look beyond my own belly button again. :001_smile:

 

You have the best of intentions, I know. But walk away, unless she shows up in your driveway and confronts you. Do not seek out this situation.

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Are you able to do this without displaying anger that would not work the righteousness of God? (You are entitled to be angry about the situation, and her role in it, but that is not your purpose here.) I can absolutely do this without anger. I mostly feel regret, some sadness which will be healed by time, but I'm not an angry, abrasive, or confrontational person.

 

And are you willing to risk whatever might happen next, and have you thought through those possibilities? I am willing to risk what might happen next. Actually, I'm a little philosophical about whatever happens in the future.

 

For instance, she might be quite defiant.

This would be understandable. It would not mean that she wouldn't privately give some thought to what I said later on.

 

Or she might think that restoration should mean that she can resume an inappropriate friendship.

I'm pretty sure this won't happen. If it did, I've already thought through what might happen in the future.

 

Or she might think that because there was no physical issue, there was nothing wrong in what happened.

 

Any of those responses would be quite plausible, and also significantly challenging to deal with. The law of unintended consequences can really bite.

I'm willing to take the risk, though I haven't completely made up my mind.

I have felt called (and I don't use the phrase lightly) to speak with her if I get the chance and an appropriate situation.

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:grouphug: I feel for you. I add my voice to those who don't think you're the right one to do this nor do I think it would do what you hoped. I really don't. You can, though, pray for her. That will help you heal. You're very early out Julie. Pray for healing for all involved, reach out to others sure but not others in this personal situation. I'm sorry. :grouphug:

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Julie, I'm honestly worried that she will NOT take your advice kindly, and that what she may say back to you in return will increase your hurt and wound you even more than you are right now.

 

Please, don't rush to do this. Maybe in a few years when you are more removed from the rawness of the situation you could speak with her. But honestly, I wouldn't do it. Ever.

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You're NOT the person to be doing this. There is no way that she wouldn't take anything you have to say in a negative way. You won't help her w/anything, but the neg would absolutely be there.

 

If you're wanting her to be confronted in a loving, Christian way, then you must realize that you are NOT the person to be doing so. Your attempt would drive her farther away from what you state your motivation to be.

 

Pray for someone ELSE to be able to do this.

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Pray for someone ELSE to be able to do this.

No one else knows, and... I suspect that she might also be having conversations with another man who's married with a young child. I really think she doesn't realize that friendly telephone conversations could possibly be so destructive, and I'm fairly certain she'd be dismayed to know just how often actions like hers would result in divorce and damage to a family.

 

I could be wrong, and she could become angry. OR, she might realize that in order to be the person she would really like to be, that there are other ways to live that would be more glorifying to God and more respectful of herself and others.

 

At this point, I've already imagined all of the really horrible things she might do or say should she become enraged. Nothing negative that she could do or say would make much of a difference at this point, but if there's the possibility that some good could come of it, I feel that it would be honoring the Lord in a tangible way for me to follow through. Lots to gain, not much to lose. I seem to have reached the point where no earthly opinion of me seems to matter so much. She will accept the conversation, or not.

 

Businesses will fail, or not.

Marriages will fail, or not.

 

All I can do is keep to what I know is right (loving other people, helping them where I can), and keep following in faith.

Edited by Julie in CA
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No one else knows, and... I suspect that she might also be having conversations with another man who's married with a young child. I really think she doesn't realize that friendly telephone conversations could possibly be so destructive, and I'm fairly certain she'd be dismayed to know just how often actions like hers would result in divorce and damage to a family.

 

I could be wrong, and she could become angry. OR, she might realize that in order to be the person she would really like to be, that there are other ways to live that would be more glorifying to God and more respectful of herself and others.

 

At this point, I've already imagined all of the really horrible things she might do or say should she become enraged. Nothing negative that she could do or say would make much of a difference at this point, but if there's the possibility that some good could come of it, I feel that it would be honoring the Lord in a tangible way for me to follow through. Lots to gain, not much to lose. I seem to have reached the point where no earthly opinion of me seems to matter so much. She will accept the conversation, or not.

 

Businesses will fail, or not.

Marriages will fail, or not.

 

All I can do is keep to what I know is right (loving other people, helping them where I can), and keep following in faith.

In Matthew, I think, we are told to confront a fellow Christian, but we are never told to do it alone. It says take someone with you. In your case, I would try to find a neutral person if you feel you must talk to theother person. You need someone in between who will not be caught up with emotion, or loyalty, or any of that behavior.

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No one else knows, and... I suspect that she might also be having conversations with another man who's married with a young child. I really think she doesn't realize that friendly telephone conversations could possibly be so destructive, and I'm fairly certain she'd be dismayed to know just how often actions like hers would result in divorce and damage to a family.

 

I could be wrong, and she could become angry. OR, she might realize that in order to be the person she would really like to be, that there are other ways to live that would be more glorifying to God and more respectful of herself and others.

 

At this point, I've already imagined all of the really horrible things she might do or say should she become enraged. Nothing negative that she could do or say would make much of a difference at this point, but if there's the possibility that some good could come of it, I feel that it would be honoring the Lord in a tangible way for me to follow through. Lots to gain, not much to lose. I seem to have reached the point where no earthly opinion of me seems to matter so much. She will accept the conversation, or not.

 

Businesses will fail, or not.

Marriages will fail, or not.

 

All I can do is keep to what I know is right (loving other people, helping them where I can), and keep following in faith.

 

I agreed with everyone else, but the fact that you believe she is pursuing an inappropriate relationship with another married man changes things for me. However, I still think you are not the one to approach her. Would your DH be willing to talk to this other man instead, share his mistake and give a caution?

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If she's 25, she's either the type of woman who knows what her actions can do and chooses to do them anyway in which case talking her will just result in the opposite of what you want. Or she's the type of woman who doesn't care what her actions can do, and nothing you say will change that. She's not 19 with no experience of people. 25 years old is old enough to know what it means to have frequent private conversations with married men. She just doesn't care. YOU of all people won't be able to change that.

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If she's 25, she's either the type of woman who knows what her actions can do and chooses to do them anyway in which case talking her will just result in the opposite of what you want. Or she's the type of woman who doesn't care what her actions can do, and nothing you say will change that. She's not 19 with no experience of people. 25 years old is old enough to know what it means to have frequent private conversations with married men. She just doesn't care. YOU of all people won't be able to change that.

 

:iagree:

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OK, Julie. STOP.

 

Stop trying to convince yourself that this woman does not know exactly what she is doing. Stop trying to convince yourself that you should have anything whatsoever to do with her. STOP trying to forgive her for what she did to you.

 

Quite frankly, if this is the woman I'm thinking of, you should have no contact with her whatsoever, and if you do, it can only serve to further damage things between you and your dh.

 

This is not some innocent flower here. She is NOT a child. She is a grown woman, and how you are able to try to make yourself believe that a nice little chat about what Jesus would want her to do, would have even the slightest impact on her, is positively delusional on your part.

 

I know you mean well. I know you want to find a way to forgive her and move on, but clearly this is a pattern of behavior with her. She hasn't just come on to one married man. This is her MO. It's what she does. It makes her feel pretty and powerful to try to seduce married men.

 

She can call herself a Christian until she's blue in the face, but her actions do not support that claim. And I sincerely doubt that preaching to her will have any effect on her, because she doesn't care. She's going to do what she wants to do, and that's it. And if you talk to her about it, she'll just think you're a pathetic loser who doesn't even realize that she doesn't care what you think. For heaven's sake, she didn't care what you thought when she was doing something awful to you -- why would she care now? :confused:

 

I know I sound terribly harsh, but I hate to see you worrying about this woman, when you should be thinking of yourself. She doesn't deserve your forgiveness or your kindness or your concern. She did something terrible to you, and she is doing it to someone else, and she probably did it to other people before you ever even met her. This is what she does. She only cares about what makes her feel good, not about the consequences to others.

 

I am worried about you, Julie. I truly hope you will realize that this woman is TOXIC, and that you will steer clear of her, both now and in the future. This can't possibly end well for you.

 

Please take care of yourself, and don't waste your time worrying about people who don't deserve your time. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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You are not the person for this job, and you really need to examine your motivations. I get that no one else knows about this situation, but I think they should. It's time for Matthew 18, done by someone other than yourself. You need to seek pastoral help, for yourself more than anyone.

 

Some situations take two, and as long as there are two willing parties, this sort of thing will continue.

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Just got this.

 

Leave it alone. This is for some woman, but not for you, if I'm understanding correctly. (My apologies if I am not).

 

You have the best of intentions, I know. But walk away, unless she shows up in your driveway and confronts you. Do not seek out this situation.

:iagree:

 

I think at the moment all you can do for her is pray for her. Just pray that she is given good counsel from someone. That someone is most definitely not you.

 

ETA: If/When you meet at church or about town or whatever, keep you head held high and take the high road. Be polite but nothing more. There is no reason for you to hide.

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OK, Julie. STOP.

 

Stop trying to convince yourself that this woman does not know exactly what she is doing. Stop trying to convince yourself that you should have anything whatsoever to do with her. STOP trying to forgive her for what she did to you.

 

Quite frankly, if this is the woman I'm thinking of, you should have no contact with her whatsoever, and if you do, it can only serve to further damage things between you and your dh.

 

This is not some innocent flower here. She is NOT a child. She is a grown woman, and how you are able to try to make yourself believe that a nice little chat about what Jesus would want her to do, would have even the slightest impact on her, is positively delusional on your part.

 

I know you mean well. I know you want to find a way to forgive her and move on, but clearly this is a pattern of behavior with her. She hasn't just come on to one married man. This is her MO. It's what she does. It makes her feel pretty and powerful to try to seduce married men.

 

She can call herself a Christian until she's blue in the face, but her actions do not support that claim. And I sincerely doubt that preaching to her will have any effect on her, because she doesn't care. She's going to do what she wants to do, and that's it. And if you talk to her about it, she'll just think you're a pathetic loser who doesn't even realize that she doesn't care what you think. For heaven's sake, she didn't care what you thought when she was doing something awful to you -- why would she care now? :confused:

 

I know I sound terribly harsh, but I hate to see you worrying about this woman, when you should be thinking of yourself. She doesn't deserve your forgiveness or your kindness or your concern. She did something terrible to you, and she is doing it to someone else, and she probably did it to other people before you ever even met her. This is what she does. She only cares about what makes her feel good, not about the consequences to others.

 

I am worried about you, Julie. I truly hope you will realize that this woman is TOXIC, and that you will steer clear of her, both now and in the future. This can't possibly end well for you.

 

Please take care of yourself, and don't waste your time worrying about people who don't deserve your time. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm in total agreement.

 

Talking to this woman could further damage your relationship. You need to focus on you and your marriage, not her. You don't seem to realize that this isn't about HER it's about YOU. There are so many bad outcomes to this situation and frankly, I don't see any good outcomes. I don't know what you are hoping to get out of this - that she realizes what she did was wrong, feels repentant, and you both walk away feeling healed? Nope. Not what's going to happen. What if she tells you lies about your husband? What if she says that it was more than what you thought? There is no good out of doing this. Only bad. And the bad could be very bad.

 

Is talking to her more important than healing your marriage? It has the potential to cause a big setback in that.

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If she's 25, she's either the type of woman who knows what her actions can do and chooses to do them anyway in which case talking her will just result in the opposite of what you want. Or she's the type of woman who doesn't care what her actions can do, and nothing you say will change that. She's not 19 with no experience of people. 25 years old is old enough to know what it means to have frequent private conversations with married men. She just doesn't care. YOU of all people won't be able to change that.

 

I don't think that this is necessarily a fair characterization.

 

It is difficult to be a young woman in a male-dominated business environment. You have to talk with the colleagues that you actually have, and usually most of them are men, often older ones. You have to seek mentoring, again usually those available are older men. You have to act as if and assume that your relationships with these men are business ones for both parties. You have to steel yourself to do this for your business' sake, and then as you become comfortable, you can be looked on with suspician. It's more or less a no win situation, to a large extent.

 

To add into the mix that you have to be careful not to talk with married men very much may not even occur to you, on top of all this other stuff.

 

I was a female engineer when there weren't too many of us. I wore suits every single day, and I hid my femaleness behind a professional image to a large extent, specifically to avoid being viewed as female first and an engineer second. I started at the same time as another young woman who had more or less the same demeanor. Her engineering lead became enamored with her--she was engaged and planning her wedding, and he was hitting on her all the time. She didn't feel like she had the right to stop any interaction with him because he was her group leader, and in fact there was no way for her to do her job and avoid him. I would not say that she should not have talked with him--who could say that? And yet, he did become completely obsessed with her--she was 22 and he was 43.

 

All this to say, the OW in the OP's situation may or may not be as evil as you say--she might be clueless, or trapped, or just feel that she can handle it if things get out of hand. Or that she is projecting essential unavailability and that that will win out in the end and she will be able to retain what to her is an innocent friendship. Hard to say.

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Julie, I was just thinking something.

 

If you really want to do something to help someone, warn the wife of this woman's latest target about her. I know that if some sneaky tramp was sniffing around my dh, I would want to know, particularly if the woman was acting sweet and innocent, but someone else knew otherwise about her.

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Quite frankly, if this is the woman I'm thinking of, you should have no contact with her whatsoever, and if you do, it can only serve to further damage things between you and your dh.

The contact will happen eventually.

Very, VERY small town, and I cannot hide forever.

ZERO chance of picking up 2000 cows and moving to another place.

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Stop! This talk is getting so ugly, both to Julie (out of genuine concern for her) and to the OW (out of genuine concern for Julie.)

 

If I had been that 25yo, I would have figured that if someone was friendly to me but married to someone else, and we worked together or had a common business interest, that we could be friends without it effecting either his marriage or my dating/whatever. I was no chippie. Ever. But I also would not have assumed that I could not be friends with a business associate with whom I had a great deal in common without it turning into something more.

 

And if someone like that had grown to like me a little bit too much, I would have acted unaware in the hopes that it would blow over without ever being verbalized.

 

If someone had talked to me about how to avoid this, with a credible Christian aspect to the advice, I would have listened respectfully and prayerfully considered my obligations. Julie is not foolish to do this, she is trying to apply her Christian faith to these difficult circumstances.

 

Julie, again, I think that it is more a Matthew 18 situation, not a Titus woman situation. And I would wait a little while before doing anything, to perceive whether this really is your job or whether someone else will step up who may be in a better position to handle it. But you are not foolish to consider it. No, you're really, really good. And this young woman may be a terrible flirt, or she may be kind of clueless. We lack the evidence to say for sure.

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And if you talk to her about it, she'll just think you're a pathetic loser who doesn't even realize that she doesn't care what you think. For heaven's sake, she didn't care what you thought when she was doing something awful to you -- why would she care now? :confused:

 

 

I am worried about you, Julie. I truly hope you will realize that this woman is TOXIC, and that you will steer clear of her, both now and in the future. This can't possibly end well for you.

 

Please take care of yourself, and don't waste your time worrying about people who don't deserve your time. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I actually think I get how the OP is thinking, that to be above-it-all and the bigger person will be healing to HER, regardless of the effect or noneffect on the other person.

 

I get that. I really do. But I'd not seek it out. It's a way to keep it alive, really, not a way to heal.

 

The best thing to do is just pray for her, and go on with your life. I do like the idea of your husband approaching the other man, and telling him that this woman has done this before and he is her next target, if he can find an opening to do so.

 

Living well is the best revenge, the old saying goes. Don't reopen this wound. It won't make it better for you, I'd tell the OP.

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