My kids still don't know where "babies come from"

[phathui5]

I disagree. My 11 & 9 year old don't know. Don't intend to bring it up right now. They aren't exposed to situations where they are going to be told. However, if they ASKED I'd tell them. They asked when they were far younger, & not at all ready to know.

 

God's Design For S-x I believe is the series someone is speaking of. :)

 

Have you taught them about puberty?

[phathui5]

I also wanted to throw this out there for the moms who aren't ready to share information with their 11yos:

 

I asked my mom questions about sex when I was 11 or 12. She said we didn't need to talk about that yet. I started menstruating when I was 12 and was sexually active at 13.

 

Dh's mom shared lots of factual information with him, more than he really wanted to know. I was his first (at 21).

[Mrs Mungo]

I know (sigh)

It is just hard to wrap my brain around giving her all this info when she is still happy to play tea party with her dolls, play store with her younger brothers, and thinks boys are icky.

 

Lots of girls start menstruating between 10 and 12. It's good to prepare them.

[Mergath]

I know (sigh)

It is just hard to wrap my brain around giving her all this info when she is still happy to play tea party with her dolls, play store with her younger brothers, and thinks boys are icky.

 

Yes, but the knowledge is going to protect her. It's a lot harder for a girl to protect herself from potential predators if she's never even heard of sex.

[TranquilMind]

Nope. Have not.

 

Please do! My Mom never told me! I started bleeding and freaked out!

 

Not her fault, really. She had no mother herself (died when she was a toddler) so she wasn't sure how these things were done, but still! I thought I was having a serious issue!

[Canadianmumof5]

Yes, but the knowledge is going to protect her. It's a lot harder for a girl to protect herself from potential predators if she's never even heard of sex.

 

Very good point.

[Canadianmumof5]

Please do! My Mom never told me! I started bleeding and freaked out!

 

Not her fault, really. She had no mother herself (died when she was a toddler) so she wasn't sure how these things were done, but still! I thought I was having a serious issue!

 

Same for me I hate to say. But I was 13.......

DD is 8 and she seems so little.

I will start all these discussions next week once we have some books to help us out.

[PeacefulChaos]

Same for me I hate to say. But I was 13.......

DD is 8 and she seems so little.

I will start all these discussions next week once we have some books to help us out.

 

8 is a good age for a girl to learn these things, IMO.

[amyx4]

I have a friend who is convinced her 12 yr old son knows absolutly nothing about the topic because he's never asked the parents any questions. Well, he's getting his very inaccurate information from somewhere because he keeps telling my kids how things work. And my kids keep correcting him.

I have gently suggested to the parents that they should speak to him but they think that it's too soon. My kids have been given accurate information at home and somtimes they still need clarification after the 12 yr old has told them some confusing details. :tongue_smilie:

[Perogi]

I know (sigh)

It is just hard to wrap my brain around giving her all this info when she is still happy to play tea party with her dolls, play store with her younger brothers, and thinks boys are icky.

 

This is exactly how I feel about my 9yo - exactly. I feel like I just want to keep letting her be a little girl who doesn't have to think a out these things.

 

I've also thought I'd answer quests as they arose. We lived on a farm for 2 years and the questions just didn't come. The kids all knew that the ram was there to get the ewes pregnant, that the rooster made the eggs have chicks in them, they even watched a ewe deliver twins but nary a question about how it works, exactly.

 

Dd does know about menstruation - mostly because I get no privacy in the bathroom :tongue_smilie:

[Sparkle]

I've kept my girls pretty innocent regarding s3x up to this point. My oldest dd has known about puberty, menstruation, etc. for quite a while. I definitely did not want her to be surprised (like I was). And even though we read books and discussed it and even went to a mother-daughter seminar on it, she was still kind of clueless when her period started :001_huh: So I'm not sure if presenting information at a very young age is all that helpful, but by 11, I think they need to know.

 

I did have a s3x talk with her recently though, because the ped was suggesting she get a Gardasil shot, and I wanted to explain to her about HIV, etc, etc, and why she wasn't going to get the shot right now. But again, knowing her as I do, I don't think she needed the info any sooner.

[stripe]

I know (sigh)

It is just hard to wrap my brain around giving her all this info when she is still happy to play tea party with her dolls, play store with her younger brothers, and thinks boys are icky.

 

I don't think knowing about sex would change any of those things. I had a basic idea of sex when I was 7-8, and I still played dolls and disliked boys. My six year old daughter understands the basics of birth, including the body part from which babies leave their mothers' bodies and enter the world, and she doesn't appear to be wild or sexually suggestive in any way. I don't think saving a big revelation for age 13 would be less embarassing. Doesn't all have to be explained in one go. I haven't felt the need to talk to her about menstruation yet, for example, but she gets the idea of birth and babies coming out, as does my son.

Edited September 7, 2012 by stripe

[lvbnhome]

nt

I know this sounds ridiculous, but we've never had "the talk" with them.

A new baby is coming soon, and none of them have asked how the baby is going to come out?

 

I don't know if we just take the wait & see approach and then seize the moment when they do finally start asking questions? Or should we be more proactive and sit them down and be more direct?

 

Anyone have an opinion or advice?

[Carrie75]

I'd think that your 11 y/o ds might be having some "special dreams" and maybe "new feelings" in certain body parts by now. If not, it's going to happen soon. It's time for a lttle chat with Dad or trusted male in his life.

[idnib]

I started my period shortly after my 11th birthday. I was at school and knew immediately what was happening because I had been prepped. I'm still so grateful to my parents for this.

 

I love Amazon as much as the next homeschooler, but I would really recommend checking out these books in person. Many were highly recommended to me online but I found problems with them when I looked them over at our local bookstore. Many books had too much information on a page. One was more cartoonish and I liked many of the pages but one cartoon showed a naked man and women in bed together, which was not going to work for our family at this point. A book may look good on the surface or some sample pages, but it really is good to make sure you like ALL the pages before you start off on it. :tongue_smilie:

 

Also, I was going to check out the Unitarian program (Our Whole Lives). I don't know much about it but I've heard good things.

 

http://www.uua.org/re/owl/

[Delirium]

I know (sigh)

It is just hard to wrap my brain around giving her all this info when she is still happy to play tea party with her dolls, play store with her younger brothers, and thinks boys are icky.

*hugs* I dont think will change her wanting to play with dolls. Kiddo is still very much a kid and she's well informed.

[IsabelC]

*hugs* I dont think will change her wanting to play with dolls. Kiddo is still very much a kid and she's well informed.

:iagree:

Exactly.

Your children will grow up and find out about adult things whether you want them to or not. The only choice we have as parents is, do we give them access to this kind of info in a way that is healthy and in sympathy with our beliefs, or do we leave them to learn from friends, magazines or the internet? I know what I prefer.:001_smile:

[sunnylady303]

my kids live on a farm and they know (except for my 4 yo) the basics of reproduction and birth. This is just a part of life. I've had my then 9 yo come in the house when we had another family and say, "Hey, mom, that cow is in heat out there!"

 

Very matter of fact around here.

 

I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but I had to comment on this. We also live on a farm and when my closest friend got pregnant, my younger DD who was 4 then, told a few people that "L__ had gone into heat and gotten bred." When I finally heard her, I did some quick triaging of her ideas and what is okay to say or not.

 

We have talked about it some because of that, but I am afraid she is still picturing goats. :lol:

[sunnylady303]

My almost 9 YO knows about sex and menstruation - not so much puberty yet - I'll have to fix that and she is still completely childlike. She is playing with dolls right now. It hasn't changed a thing for her, other than she has a better understanding of things.

 

I am generally for child led information about sex, but if it hasn't happened by 9 or so, I agree that it's time for a chat - one way or another.

[catz]

I know (sigh)

It is just hard to wrap my brain around giving her all this info when she is still happy to play tea party with her dolls, play store with her younger brothers, and thinks boys are icky.

 

I do get it because my 8 year old is the exact same way! Even though she has a good idea now what's what, it hasn't changed her at all. :grouphug: She still loves her dolls and chases the cats and talks 6 hours a day about dolls and critters and dancing and Halloween. :001_smile:

[IsabelC]

when my closest friend got pregnant, my younger DD who was 4 then, told a few people that "L__ had gone into heat and gotten bred."

:lol::lol::lol:

[Kathryn]

I haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but I had to comment on this. We also live on a farm and when my closest friend got pregnant, my younger DD who was 4 then, told a few people that "L__ had gone into heat and gotten bred." When I finally heard her, I did some quick triaging of her ideas and what is okay to say or not.

 

We have talked about it some because of that, but I am afraid she is still picturing goats. :lol:

 

:lol:

[CalicoKat]

I know this sounds ridiculous, but we've never had "the talk" with them.

A new baby is coming soon, and none of them have asked how the baby is going to come out?

 

I don't know if we just take the wait & see approach and then seize the moment when they do finally start asking questions? Or should we be more proactive and sit them down and be more direct?

 

Anyone have an opinion or advice?

 

Go visit a farm. :D

[Word Nerd]

I disagree. My 11 & 9 year old don't know. Don't intend to bring it up right now. They aren't exposed to situations where they are going to be told. However, if they ASKED I'd tell them.

 

When I asked my mom and she decided I was too young, I looked up the information myself in an encyclopedia we had at home. There were several times when I got "I'll tell you when you're older" instead of an age-appropriate response. She meant well, but I learned not to go to her for information and felt ashamed for even having the questions in the first place. I'm not saying that's true in your family, but this is something that I keep in mind with my own kids.

[2squared]

I disagree. My 11 & 9 year old don't know. Don't intend to bring it up right now. They aren't exposed to situations where they are going to be told. However, if they ASKED I'd tell them. They asked when they were far younger, & not at all ready to know.

 

God's Design For S-x I believe is the series someone is speaking of. :)

 

If you don't want your kids to know, then I would make sure they never have private conversations with other kids.

 

My oldest is 10yo, and other kids have initiated conversations regarding s*x. Good kids. Kids I have no problem her hanging around with. All it takes is a little natural curiosity, and information spreads very, very quickly. I am glad that I started the conversation with my dd before the other kids started the conversation. She knows truth versus what these other kids *think* are truths. And, she knows she can come to me to ask anything....and she does. She has a lot of thoughts that are new and strange, and I am glad that she is asking me to help her sort through them. So, at the very least, I would make sure your kids feel you open to the discussion and you are an authority on the topic. If not, they will go elsewhere for the conversation.

[sparrow]

I know (sigh)

It is just hard to wrap my brain around giving her all this info when she is still happy to play tea party with her dolls, play store with her younger brothers, and thinks boys are icky.

 

She'll still play with her dolls and play store. I promise :grouphug:. My daughter is going to be 11 in November. She knows about where babies come from and puberty. She is also still asking for American Girl dolls on her birthday list.

 

I love that a few years ago, we were watching the chicks hatching at the county fair. My dd asked why none of our hens' eggs had chicks in them. Then she got this look of revelation on her face and answered her own question with, "because we don't have a rooster to fertilize the egg!" :001_smile: Helpful information to know.

 

When I asked my mom and she decided I was too young, I looked up the information myself in an encyclopedia we had at home. There were several times when I got "I'll tell you when you're older" instead of an age-appropriate response. She meant well, but I learned not to go to her for information and felt ashamed for even having the questions in the first place. I'm not saying that's true in your family, but this is something that I keep in mind with my own kids.

 

THIS is a really good point. You don't want that precedent set.

[AdventureMoms]

When I asked my mom and she decided I was too young, I looked up the information myself in an encyclopedia we had at home. There were several times when I got "I'll tell you when you're older" instead of an age-appropriate response. She meant well, but I learned not to go to her for information and felt ashamed for even having the questions in the first place. I'm not saying that's true in your family, but this is something that I keep in mind with my own kids.

:iagree: My parents tried to put it off. I didn't really ask when I was "old enough", only when I was little, and they told me they'd "talk about it later". They never did. Sex Ed in my school started in 5th grade, but the instructor was vague and used too many euphemisms. None of us got it. Fortunately I had already found the book my parents had pre-emptively bought when i was snooping and figured out the details. Then I had proceeded to tell every child about this cool new stuff I had learned.. I was maybe 10 at the time. It was definitely before I started menstruating at 11. Fortunately my info was at least mostly accurate, coming from a book and all, but I would not want a peer introducing my kids to these topics since they could be getting info from anywhere. I should add - I found this out by 10, but was still playing with dolls and running around hanging from jungle gyms until 12. I don't think knowledge destroys childhood.

 

Also, the book I found did not include info about puberty, so I was totally shocked when my period started at age 11 in 5th grade. Thought I was going to bleed to death. Once I figured it out there was a pool party the next day and I attempted to use a tampon. Had no earthly clue where to put it, and spent the party hiding in the bathroom trying to figure it out. Not the best plan.

 

My parents finally got around to GIVING me the book when I was 14 and laughed at a racy joke on TV. It was a bit absurd by then since other girls were having sex, etc. I was in HS by then, I rode the bus with 18yos, etc. I had learned to go to other sources for information rather than my parents. Some of those were ok (the book I found) some of them were not (the much older girl I sat with on the bus).

 

My 4yo already knows some, and most important knows that I will answer her questions and not put her off. If there were no questions by 10 or 11 I'd be sitting down for a full-disclosure chat.

[Soror]

Knowing some facts doesn't suddenly make them grown up or turn them into baby harlots. I think introducing things early, in age appropriate ways, actually makes that a lot less likely to happen. It is not some big mystery, scary, weird, embarrassing etc. When they are young they are a lot less likely to have those pre-conceived notions. It is just "the facts of life", just like any other thing in life.

[kubiac]

Yeah, I learned a lot of the more shocking details in fourth grade (~9/10) from a girl who reported it all verbatim from her 15-year-old brother. Trust me, you do not want your child's first exposure to this topic to be in the language of a 15-year-old boy!

 

And then there was a slumber party in 8th grade (~13) that was attended by some more "advanced" young ladies. One in particular told us all about her deflowering and everything that she had learned about sexual intercourse so far, in all her 14-year-old wisdom. Sigh.

 

I knew the facts from books, but I really wish my parents had sat me down and discussed our values on these issues. The information blackout was not helpful.

[Just Kate]

I have a friend with a then 9 year old daughter. The daughter asked her mom how babies come out. Now my friend had a c-section, so she explained that to her daughter, but never mentioned how MOST babies come out. So the little 9 year old goes to school and relays this information to one of her friends (because kids do talk) and comes home upset with her mom for lying to her. My friend thought that it was kind of funny. I was horrified when she told me! How embarrassing for her daughter.

 

Now this little girl started her period at the age of 10 and she still doesn't know about s3x. Thankfully, the mom did prepare her for her period since she was showing signs of being ready. However, she doesn't want to have the s3x talk because she worries that it will grow her daughter up too fast. I am all for kids staying kids as long as possible, but I think that if you don't start the habit of talking about these things, there is no way that your teenager is going to come to you when they really need to.

 

As I have been reading this thread, I have been forwarding some of the book suggestions to my friend. I really want her to start talking with her daughter about this.

[LucyStoner]

I'm sure your 11 yo has some idea. Now, whether it's the right idea, I couldn't say. Which is a good reason to have the talk.

 

:iagree: I would personally be talking to the 6, 8 and 11 year old, customizing the level of information for the age level. You don't want them getting as information from other kids.

[Laura Corin]

She meant well, but I learned not to go to her for information and felt ashamed for even having the questions in the first place. I'm not saying that's true in your family, but this is something that I keep in mind with my own kids.

 

As my boys go into the teenage years, the one thing I've tried to do is be a major source of information. I don't know all the answers but there is no such thing as a stupid, embarrassing or offensive question. I've been stunned by some of the questions I have been asked - things I would never have mentioned even to my very liberal parents - but very grateful that they feel able to ask.

 

Laura

[Mommy22alyns]

She'll still play with her dolls and play store. I promise :grouphug:. My daughter is going to be 11 in November. She knows about where babies come from and puberty. She is also still asking for American Girl dolls on her birthday list.

 

 

:grouphug: This is true here. Rebecca is sweet and innocent as can be.

[Rivka]

Also, I was going to check out the Unitarian program (Our Whole Lives). I don't know much about it but I've heard good things.

 

http://www.uua.org/re/owl/

 

I teach this program at the 7th-9th grade level, which is the most comprehensive. It is outstanding. I love it. It covers everything from basic anatomy (which our kids mostly don't need because anatomy is the only thing they really teach in school sex ed) to "how to ask someone out" to "why on earth would you date someone who doesn't have the qualities that make a good friend" to "what makes a sexual relationship healthy or unhealthy." (I love that last lesson because the kids universally wind up concluding that the odds of having a healthy sexual relationship while you're a teen are slim.)

 

The program does definitely come from the perspective of "knowledge doesn't hurt you." In a really big way. I have handled some questions that were real doozies.

 

They have less revealing (and much shorter) programs for 4-6 grade and K-1 grade, but I don't really know anything about those. I think the K-1 program is about boys and girls' bodies and how babies are born, and the 4-6 program is mostly about puberty.

 

Knowing some facts doesn't suddenly make them grown up or turn them into baby harlots. I think introducing things early, in age appropriate ways, actually makes that a lot less likely to happen. It is not some big mystery, scary, weird, embarrassing etc. When they are young they are a lot less likely to have those pre-conceived notions. It is just "the facts of life", just like any other thing in life.

 

:iagree::iagree: Sex is not dirty, and neither is knowing about sex.

[stripe]

If you don't want your kids to know, then I would make sure they never have private conversations with other kids.

 

My husband overheard my son talking about wombs with a neighborhood boy about three years ago. He was rather shocked by that.

[idnib]

I teach this program at the 7th-9th grade level, which is the most comprehensive. It is outstanding. I love it. It covers everything from basic anatomy (which our kids mostly don't need because anatomy is the only thing they really teach in school sex ed) to "how to ask someone out" to "why on earth would you date someone who doesn't have the qualities that make a good friend" to "what makes a sexual relationship healthy or unhealthy." (I love that last lesson because the kids universally wind up concluding that the odds of having a healthy sexual relationship while you're a teen are slim.)

 

Great! Thanks for all the info. I was thinking of starting the 4th grade program next year.

 

I know UU is very encompassing of different beliefs. How much Christian content is there? I ask because I am Muslim. I can work with CC if it's not the core of the teachings.

 

Thank you.

[Rivka]

Great! Thanks for all the info. I was thinking of starting the 4th grade program next year.

 

I know UU is very encompassing of different beliefs. How much Christian content is there? I ask because I am Muslim. I can work with CC if it's not the core of the teachings.

 

There isn't any Christian content at all. (The majority of UU's don't consider themselves to be Christian.) There will be content teaching that gay people have equal worth to straight people and that gay families are perfectly valid.

[idnib]

There isn't any Christian content at all. (The majority of UU's don't consider themselves to be Christian.) There will be content teaching that gay people have equal worth to straight people and that gay families are perfectly valid.

 

OK, great. Thanks for the info!

[ebrindam]

There isn't any Christian content at all. (The majority of UU's don't consider themselves to be Christian.) There will be content teaching that gay people have equal worth to straight people and that gay families are perfectly valid.

 

 

Well, I would certainly hope so!