Is there any way to say something without sounding judgmental?

[sassenach]

ETA:

OK PEOPLE!! Please hear me: I am not judging ANYONE for taking their babies out earlier than I did. I realize that I fall on the far end of the spectrum. However, I am truly concerned about the health and well-being of a sick 2 week old on a 90 degree day. That said, I will NOT say anything. Message received!!

 

_____________

 

A young lady at our church just had her first baby. The baby is 2 weeks old. Yesterday, I was surprised to find out that she was joining a group of us for a day at the beach. The beach was warm, but not terrible. However, the baby couldn't sleep at all and eventually the mom left.

 

I am the type that didn't take my babies anywhere till they were a month old. I'm just paranoid. While we were at the beach, the mom related that the baby has a cold and a very stuffy nose.

 

So today mom is posting pictures of the baby at six flags. It's 90 degrees out today. Yesterday fell under "I wouldn't do it, but it doesn't bother me if you do." Today falls under "I'm a little worried that you're taking your sick 2 week old out all day in 90 degree heat."

 

Can I possibly say anything without totally offending her? I was once a young mom, so I know how many of those comments you get from older ladies. I don't like to nitpick new moms or make them feel looked down on. This particular gal is pretty easily offended (not by me yet, but based on some background info that I'm not going to get into) and is fairly new to the church. Do I leave it alone?

Edited July 22, 2012 by Shannon831
Whoa Nelly!

[Dory]

Is she bottle feeding? would she pump? I would consider asking her if she needs someone to watch the baby while she gets out once in awhile. Perhaps someone coming at it from the "do you not have anyone to help with the baby?" approach would make her think a little about why someone would think that.

Just a thought off the top of my head. It would probably be my first approach.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

As much as it would kill me not to say anything, I don't think you should. There's no law against being stupid. I only say things to family and very close friends if I'm concerned about something, and even then I try not to sound too judgmental. It's not easy.

[Kathryn]

As much as it would kill me not to say anything, I don't think you should. There's no law against being stupid. I only say things to family and very close friends if I'm concerned about something, and even then I try not to sound too judgmental. It's not easy.

 

:iagree:

[swellmomma]

Leave it alone. I was not one to stay cooped up at home with babies unless it was RSV season for my prems, then I stayed home more. But my 1st born we were released from the NICU when he was 7 days old and at 9 days old we were on the LRT and city bus to go visit my mom (LRT is like the subway but above ground). With the rest we were out and about within the first week of coming home from the hospital. Life goes on, and babies go with you. Not everyone wants to or can free the rest of their life to stay home with baby in that first month. Heck I stopped off at the grocery store with all 4 kids the day dd4 was released from the NICU at 5 days old.

 

Did she have to go to the beach or 6 flags no, it was not like my having to stop and get groceries, but she does not need to be a shut in either.

[MindyD]

Please leave this alone. She made different choices than you would. If you really want to help, ask if you can watch the baby one afternoon so she can take a nap. My youngest turned 6 weeks old at Disney World.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I gave birth to my oldest on a Saturday and I took him with me when I went shopping at a large discount mall on the following Monday. I felt so light after giving birth that I felt I could walk miles and miles.

 

I never heard of keeping your baby home for weeks until I read it here on this forum....:confused:

 

I wouldn't say anything to the mom.

 

K

[sassenach]

OK, this is me leaving it alone :001_smile:.

[Night Elf]

I never heard of keeping your baby home for weeks until I read it here on this forum....:confused:

 

Me neither, and my oldest dd is 20. I don't remember when I took my babies out, but I definitely don't remember feeling a need to keep them at home. So now I wonder, exactly what is the magic age when it is okay to take the baby out?

[catz]

As much as it would kill me not to say anything, I don't think you should. There's no law against being stupid. I only say things to family and very close friends if I'm concerned about something, and even then I try not to sound too judgmental. It's not easy.

 

:iagree: She'll learn over time what works for them. I had my kids out at restaurants on the way home from the hospital. I was ready to be out. Everyone has different comfort levels

[sewingmama]

I took my babies out the minute I was released from the hospital - to the grocery store on the way home. I was released early with both my DS's - the last one was born at 9pm and by 2pm next day I was at the shops with him - he wasn't even 24 hours old. People rarely get to see a newborn so brand new -we got stopped A LOT. And no he never got sick from that outing.

 

I took my babies to the beach at only a few weeks old. I kept them shaded -they were fine.

 

A little cold is nothing to worry about - babies have colds all the time - it's good for their immune systems. I'd only be worried if she was taking him out in the middle of winter with a cold but not when it's warm. Babies can sleep just as well in their strollers a they can at home and some sleep better because of the movement - the fresh air is probably good for him.

Edited July 21, 2012 by sewingmama

[Jean in Newcastle]

With my second baby we stopped at the mall on the way home. We ate there and showed the baby off to Santa Claus - he was a family friend who was cheering me on during my pregnancy.

[kricau]

I don't know, I am with you on this one Shannon831. I would NOT bring my newborn out at all till they were at least a month old. And definitly NOT to the hot beach, and I would have to be in some kind of delirious state to bring him/her to the 90 degree beach.

 

I would calmly ask her if she would like you to watch him/her if she needs a break. She is new at this and maybe never babysat or had that maternal instinct, or a mom to "show her the way".

[Alphabetika]

Please leave this alone. She made different choices than you would. If you really want to help, ask if you can watch the baby one afternoon so she can take a nap. My youngest turned 6 weeks old at Disney World.

 

:iagree:I took my oldest dd to Disneyland (we lived across the street) when she was a week old. I just really needed to get out. She was totally fine with the experience.

[zenjenn]

I did not take my babies out for MONTHS after giving birth. For me pregnancy and childbirth was physically and psychologically damaging and traumatic.

 

That said, I am not judgmental of those that take their babies out in a few days after birth.. I am JEALOUS!!!! :D

[sassenach]

OK PEOPLE!! Please hear me: I am not judging ANYONE for taking their babies out earlier than I did. I realize that I fall on the far end of the spectrum. However, I am truly concerned about the health and well-being of a sick 2 week old on a 90 degree day. That said, I will NOT say anything. Message received!!

[Farrar]

I don't know, I am with you on this one Shannon831. I would NOT bring my newborn out at all till they were at least a month old. And definitly NOT to the hot beach, and I would have to be in some kind of delirious state to bring him/her to the 90 degree beach.

 

I would calmly ask her if she would like you to watch him/her if she needs a break. She is new at this and maybe never babysat or had that maternal instinct, or a mom to "show her the way".

 

I'm sorry, but staying in for a month is not "the" way, it's one way. I know that's what some people feel comfortable with, but others feel comfortable with getting out. I think it's the height of judgment to push your ideas on others like that. What this mom is doing, while perhaps some extra work (to keep the baby shaded, keep herself and the baby hydrated, etc.), is not dangerous, reckless or stupid. She's just outside in summer.

[mommaduck]

I was raised with by people that had the mentality of "now or later, they are going to be exposed to other people...might as well start building their immune system now" (unless there was a reason they might have a lower immune system than the average newborn). The day I was released from the hospital with #5, we went to Kmart and my nb's picture was taken in the studio. I usually had my babies in church the first Sunday after coming home (except #8, we had converted to Orthodoxy and it's tradition to stay home with the baby for 40days and then have a churching for mother and baby upon their first service back).

[TranquilMind]

OK, this is me leaving it alone :001_smile:.

I had a friend at church many years ago who had her 10th baby on a Saturday and was in church on that Sunday morning! She was called up front for some reason so she handed me the newborn!

 

It was her 10th though. She just didn't worry about anything by that point!

[Lisa3033]

*shrug* I don't see the issue. Honestly, 90 isn't THAT hot. It's been over 100 for several days now with no break in sight with high humidity. 90 would feel a bit chilly. If the rest of the family is all sick from the same cold, it's probably better baby be out in the fresh air rather than cooped up in a germ factory, uh I mean house, particularly if they do not have central air. At 2 weeks old, they sleep most of the time anyways.

[labst60]

With my 2nd DD, she was born at 8pm Wednesday night - came home Thurs night. 6am Friday we were at the bagel shop (heck, we were up anyway!) and headed straight to the mall to get her lots of pretty girly clothes (we didn't know whether we were having a boy or girl). Saturday morning (at just over 48 hours old), we went to the town fair - it was Labor Day weekend and HOT. That night, we threw a "come meet the baby" party for family and close friends! I would have been HIGHLY offended if a "friend" from church told me any of that was inappopriate - I was the mom. She was full term and healthy and I was perfectly capable of making decisions in her best interest.

 

With DD1, by the time she was 2 weeks old, we had taken a 5 hour road trip AND moved across the state.

 

DD3 was born in the middle of a crappy winter, so she barely got anywhere but we were at Dd1 and DD2's dance class and met friends at Mcdonalds when she was 2 days old!

[Corraleno]

I am truly concerned about the health and well-being of a sick 2 week old on a 90 degree day.

I would NOT bring my newborn out at all till they were at least a month old. And definitly NOT to the hot beach, and I would have to be in some kind of delirious state to bring him/her to the 90 degree beach.

So what do you guys think people did with sick babies for virtually all of human history, before the invention of air conditioning? Do you think that people who don't have access to A/C (which would be most people on earth right now) are putting their babies' lives at risk? :confused:

 

As long as he/she is kept shaded and hydrated, I would think that a baby with a stuffy nose would better off outside, with fresh air and higher humidity, rather than in a closed up house with the A/C running and dry air.

 

She is new at this and maybe never babysat or had that maternal instinct, or a mom to "show her the way".

So your personal choices are "the way," and those who choose otherwise lack "maternal instinct"? :blink:

 

Jackie

[Tammi K]

So what do you guys think people did with sick babies for virtually all of human history, before the invention of air conditioning? Do you think that people who don't have access to A/C (which would be most people on earth right now) are putting their babies' lives at risk? :confused:

 

As long as he/she is kept shaded and hydrated, I would think that a baby with a stuffy nose would better off outside, with fresh air and higher humidity, rather than in a closed up house with the A/C running and dry air.

 

 

 

 

:iagree:

A two weeks old is far more susceptible to chill than to heat.

I would be downright miserable in 90 degree heat. SO, I would be kickin' it at home in the AC. But, then again, people were always telling me to put a blanket on my babies.

[mommaduck]

With a cold (a cold doesn't mean sick...there is a bit of a difference), the baby may have been better off out than inside with the air conditioning. Or, if they did not have adaquate a/c, it may be hotter at home than at the beach. As long as mama is making sure the baby is shaded and hydrated, I would not worry. I brought one baby home from the hospital with a cold.

[Mommyof4ks]

Glad you are not saying anything. My dd had bad allergies from two weeks old until we moved (there was mold in the aprtment), and the doc told me not to worry about taking her out. We took her everywhere from a week old, and she was fine. We did get comments, and I know people meant well and all, but I had it under control, and the doc was not worried. There are certainly negatives to being a young first time mom.

[Lisbeth]

I wouldnt say anything, but to myself I would questioning the wisdom of someone taking a newborn to an amusement park...in highheat...that is icky. Baby comes first, time to grow up. Not the same as needamd groceries. Still wouldnt say anything.

[Hwin]

I wouldn't say anything, but I am not a fan of being out and about with newborns. Besides, mine eat every hour when they are that age. I don't want to be at Six Flags or the beach... I want to be in a really comfortable chair, propped up just so, with a jug of water and a good book.

[justamouse]

I'm not opposed to taking babies out. I DO this is was unwise to take a baby that young out in that heat, Dehydration can happen all too easily. Even under an umbrella is hotter than in a non AC house-I have a non AC house.

 

Anyway, obviously the baby won out with its discomfort and she went home.

[mommaduck]

I'm not opposed to taking babies out. I DO this is was unwise to take a baby that young out in that heat, Dehydration can happen all too easily. Even under an umbrella is hotter than in a non AC house-I have a non AC house.

 

Anyway, obviously the baby won out with its discomfort and she went home.

Depends upon where they live. We have a non-ac house also. I have a window unit and it still gets hotter inside than outside (city). In the county, we didn't need the a/c as there was a breeze.

[BakersDozen]

I had a friend at church many years ago who had her 10th baby on a Saturday and was in church on that Sunday morning! She was called up front for some reason so she handed me the newborn!

 

It was her 10th though. She just didn't worry about anything by that point!

When #7 was born I walked into church (she was 4 days old), passed her to a dear friend and didn't see my baby again until service was over. Our pastor, who had stopped the worship to announce that our baby was in the building, laughed when he saw me sitting there with no baby in my arms! It was all good...everyone loved seeing her, she was perfectly fine, sweet memories. I like being relaxed with my new babies. :)

[justLisa]

I was out within hours. I couldn't stand being all cooped up and I had that amazing blast and surge of post baby high. AND I had a 2 year old and going out was often easier than staying in!

[FO4UR]

I wouldn't say a thing.

 

The baby is not likely in any danger with an attentive mommy, no matter where they may be.

 

 

That said, I think that mom is crazy.:tongue_smilie: The first few weeks postpartum were so exhausting for me that I think a trip to the beach/six flags would do me in. I'm wimpy though. (I'd fear for my milk supply...and the crash of sleep deprivation.) If she's the type to get depressed cooped up inside alone, it's better for her to be out with friends than home alone in a PP funk.

 

I took my 6wk old on a family vacation. (We also had a 3yo and a 1yo.) BUT, it was an extended family vacation and we stayed in a large cabin with grandma/grandpa and aunts/uncles who helped me out immeasurably. I missed out on some things b/c I wouldn't take such a tiny baby, and I wouldn't leave him for more than an hour or so.

[LibraryLover]

There is no way to say anything about this without sounding like a nag.

 

Leave it. The baby will be fine.

[Melissa in Australia]

well I vote that 90 oF isn't that hot. It is only 32 oC. That is cooler than body temperature. I would hardly go to the beach on a day that cool.

[chepyl]

I took DS out to lunch with my mom and sister when I was 4 days post c-section (Sept in the Midwest, it was hot). We took a 6 hour road trip with DD at two weeks old in March. I went back to teaching dance at 4 weeks with DD and taught with her in a sling.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I think it is a comfort zone. I had 2 kids born in the summer and they went out all the time. I had 2 kids born in the dead of winter and it was depressing to be trapped in the house for me. I had much better post partum experiences when I could get out and get relief and help with the babies and visit family and friends. With my December babies, I was downright depressed and losing my cool with my older kids so easily. I remember spring coming and us being able to get out more and suddenly feeling like someone had let the sunshine in and taken a weight off of my shoulders.

If someone would have said something to me about taking the babies out, I probably would have listened to them and become paranoid about it and wound up depressed and angry in the house all the time. You just never know what a person's reasoning is for getting out of the house.

I have never been told by any dr. or nurse to not go out with my babies.

[Cassy]

I'd probably say something, as kindly, sensitively and compassionately as I could. But if she chose to be offended then that's up to her. Yes, it can be intensely irritating to have older mums giving you advice all the time when you're a new mum, I remember it well, but when it happened to me I just smiled and nodded, and you know, I have to admit, some of their advice was spot on and I was very grateful.

[regentrude]

So what do you guys think people did with sick babies for virtually all of human history, before the invention of air conditioning? Do you think that people who don't have access to A/C (which would be most people on earth right now) are putting their babies' lives at risk? :confused:

 

As long as he/she is kept shaded and hydrated, I would think that a baby with a stuffy nose would better off outside, with fresh air and higher humidity, rather than in a closed up house with the A/C running and dry air.

 

This.

 

Sea air is perfect for a cold. Taking the baby to the beach when it is warm - what should be wrong with that?

I can see a point about bringing a newborn to areas crowded with people; not something I would want to do either. But simply outside in fresh air? Perfect.

Edited July 22, 2012 by regentrude

[Mrs Mungo]

I took my son to France (from Germany) when he was 6 weeks old. It was super hot. He was my third born. I knew what I was doing. My mom was with me, she had raised four daughters. Someone in France (an American) said something to me about having such a small baby out and I told her to mind her own **** business.

[justLisa]

I took my son to France (from Germany) when he was 6 weeks old. It was super hot. He was my third born. I knew what I was doing. My mom was with me, she had raised four daughters. Someone in France (an American) said something to me about having such a small baby out and I told her to mind her own **** business.

 

I would be totally peeved if someone ever said anything to me in regards to what is better than what I was doing for my baby. Unless someone asks, don't say anything.

 

I remember when both mine were newborns. I had them totally inside my fleece pouch sling, and I had more than one person make bizarre comments about things like "do I know they can suffocate/get too hot" etc. I got so sick of it I started snipping back.

[swellmomma]

I took my son to France (from Germany) when he was 6 weeks old. It was super hot. He was my third born. I knew what I was doing. My mom was with me, she had raised four daughters. Someone in France (an American) said something to me about having such a small baby out and I told her to mind her own **** business.

 

I could totally picture you telling her that.

 

My aunt never commented about taking my babies outside at newborns but boy did she comment if they were dressed in anything other than a soft sleeper. And oh lord don't even think of changing a diaper in a room with a ceiling fan on.