Congratulations!(totally humilated)

[dancer67]

Yesterday I went out on a service call with my husband. As we were leaving the gentlemen said to my DH, who was right behind me "Congratulations by the way", my DH got a confused look on his face. And said "Excuse me?" and the man said "Oh, I'm sorry did I over step my bounds? " as he pointed to my belly.

 

:confused::confused::confused::confused:

 

NO, I am NOT PREGNANT!!!!

 

I am 5'3 and weigh 138. My problem has ALWAYS been in my stomach. And my youngest is 13. This isn't the first time someone has said something to me. My stomach has been a thorn in my side for a long time.

 

I am humliated. Especially since it was said to my DH now. One thing if you say it to me "OH, when are you due???" Ugggghhhh!!!!!

 

Am I the only one this happens to????

 

And I have no issues with the rest of my body, just my belly. How do I get rid of it?????? (safely)

 

I cried and couldn't even look at my DH. He felt horrible for me. And he says his opinion is the only one that counts and he thinks I am perfect. (yea okay, as your "pregnant" wife is with you and people are making these comments)

 

:001_huh:

[Twinmom]

I adopted all my kids and I still have that problem. You are not alone, and people can be insensitive jerks.

 

:grouphug:

[dancer67]

Clueless, true. But unfortunately right.

 

I know if I stand and look sidewards at my belly, it DOES look pregnant. Not even floppy either. Just...............pregnant looking.

 

The only time my belly has been smaller is when I lost weight a few months back(I had an appendectomy, then my IBS flared and I wasn't eating so I dropped a lot of weight in a short amount of time. I was down to 128.)

 

Of course after feeling better, I am back to my "normal" weight. (When I got married I was 116...LOL...I wish).

 

Seems as if all my weight piles in my stomach. I hate it.

 

Had three kids with last pregnancy being a c-section.

 

Yea, people can be insensitive jerks. I just feel so humiliated since it was said to my DH.

Edited July 3, 2012 by dancer67

[LaxMom]

Oh, ugh. That is so not cool. (very sweet of the man, but...)

 

Practically speaking: Is the problem with belly fat or weak/bowed abs? That will determine the best course of action - i.e. you can't "spot reduce" areas of fat by exercising that area, but you can tone the underlying muscles.

 

Also, I would eyeball the wardrobe. I have found a number of tips that, in my mind, "camouflage" the extra yardage of abdominal skin (from having 6 1/2 lb twins on a 5' frame) but, in reality, suggest there's something under there! I think I've removed all unfortunate tops at this time, but I still eye everything critically.

[dancer67]

I don;t know if it is belly fat, or weak abs. Probably both!

 

And I am usually careful what I wear for tops so it doesn "accent" that area. Yesterday however, I had a top on that made me look like I had a muffin top. I didnt even realize it until the man said something and took a second look when I got home.

 

I an starting zumba in a few weeks. The starting dance back up. But I have to do something with this stomach. I am tired of the comments. And that includes comments from my own father!!!!!

[Soror]

I'm sorry :( It is harder when someone was trying to be nice but instead insults you

 

Two possible solutions- I'd check for muscle separation in your abs that can cause a big pooch and is fairly common with kids -if you do you need to watch what exercises you do as traditional ab exercises make it worse and use a splint if possible and (2)if it is bloating I'd try going off grains, especially all traces of gluten for at least a month- it is notorious for making one look pregnant. There is a book "Wheat Belly" that I've not read but heard good things about. My belly pops out to pregnant if I get any gluten at all, otherwise it is flat (when I'm not pregnant- as of right now I look like I've swallowed a watermelon).

[dancer67]

How do you know if you have muscle separation?

 

And yep, swallowing a watermelon is a good way to describe it. And I'm not even pregnant.

[Soror]

http://www.maternalfitness.com/

 

Check out her site.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I agree with cutting gluten. I try to cut grains but ut diesnt go too well. As ling as im gluten free, my belly is nit too bad. You could also try hula hooping with an adult hoop. It's fun and if you look at videos of women who hoop, they have no belly.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[dancer67]

Thanks for the link. And also the support/advice and :grouphug:

[Farrar]

As it sounds like you're in decent shape, it may be in part your clothes. The wrong clothes can make a toothpick look pregnant and the right ones can make a pregnant woman look not (at least, um, earlier on...)

[Zebra]

I wouldn't tell someone "congrats" unless they literally were giving birth and I saw the head!

 

That's just flat out rude. If he was "trying to be nice" then he needs to learn some basic manners. Maybe next time congratulate him on being an eunuch because you don't see anything interesting going on down there.

 

:D

[dancer67]

I wouldn't tell someone "congrats" unless they literally were giving birth and I saw the head!

 

That's just flat out rude. If he was "trying to be nice" then he needs to learn some basic manners. Maybe next time congratulate him on being an eunuch because you don't see anything interesting going on down there.

 

:D

 

:iagree: and :lol::lol:....thanks for the chuckle, I needed that.

[Impish]

I wouldn't tell someone "congrats" unless they literally were giving birth and I saw the head!

 

That's just flat out rude. If he was "trying to be nice" then he needs to learn some basic manners. Maybe next time congratulate him on being an eunuch because you don't see anything interesting going on down there.

 

:D

:iagree:I heard a comedian say that once. Totally agree.

[Impish]

I was checking out that link...I'd need 2 flipping splints.

 

I'm not sure I can *afford* to get rid of my belly :001_huh:

[momofkhm]

Also, I would eyeball the wardrobe. I have found a number of tops that, in my mind, "camouflage" the extra yardage of abdominal skin (from having 6 1/2 lb twins on a 5' frame) but, in reality, suggest there's something under there! I think I've removed all unfortunate tops at this time, but I still eye everything critically.

 

:iagree:

I was wearing a jumper one time and someone congratulated me for the same reason. I got rid of that jumper and have never looked back.

[LizzyBee]

I also gain all my excess weight in my belly, and I didn't even have a flat belly as a teen even though I was very small then. I found a website with a video to show one exactly how to check for diastasis recti and I don't have it. http://www.momsintofitness.com/faq-flat-stomachs-and-diastasis-recti#s6

 

However, I am short and short-waisted, and short-waisted people tend to have bigger bellies simply because there's not much space for organs, etc to spread out. After having a c-section with my 3rd baby, I pretty much couldn't even feel my abs anymore. Last year, I started doing t-tapp, but even though I was getting in shape, my belly didn't get any better. Now I'm doing 30 day shred with Jillian Michaels, and I'm actually starting to see my belly shape changing for the better. All 3 levels of 30DS are on you tube, so you can try it out without buying anything. But to give you fair warning, you might think you are going to die the first couple times you do 30DS, but if you keep with it, you will get stronger and the soreness will go away. Here is a link to level 1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Pc-NizMgg8

[kricau]

Me too ??? What is with that :( I am not overweight either. My stomach just pokes out, like I was about 4 months pregnant. I can push it in, so it's not fat. It's just like my inside are all loose or something. I can't to sit ups (back problems) so not sure how to tighten it.

 

I alos had a c-section with my last DD. Maybe that is it? They cut the muscles so everything just pops out.

 

Clueless, true. But unfortunately right.

 

I know if I stand and look sidewards at my belly, it DOES look pregnant. Not even floppy either. Just...............pregnant looking.

 

The only time my belly has been smaller is when I lost weight a few months back(I had an appendectomy, then my IBS flared and I wasn't eating so I dropped a lot of weight in a short amount of time. I was down to 128.)

 

Of course after feeling better, I am back to my "normal" weight. (When I got married I was 116...LOL...I wish).

 

Seems as if all my weight piles in my stomach. I hate it.

 

Had three kids with last pregnancy being a c-section.

 

Yea, people can be insensitive jerks. I just feel so humiliated since it was said to my DH.

[Soror]

fwiw I actually had a Moms into Fitness video that I used after pregnancy #2. I really liked it but it has a lot of exercises that are bad if you have separation, ironically. She also says 1 or 2 fingers is normal and I don't know that I'd agree with that.

[dangermom]

A lady patted me on the tummy last Sunday and asked when I was due. I cheerfully told her that I'm not pregnant, just a little pudgy. It was easier not to be upset because she's a couple crayons short of a box anyway, but most of the cheer was put on!

[Soror]

Me too ??? What is with that :( I am not overweight either. My stomach just pokes out, like I was about 4 months pregnant. I can push it in, so it's not fat. It's just like my inside are all loose or something. I can't to sit ups (back problems) so not sure how to tighten it.

 

I alos had a c-section with my last DD. Maybe that is it? They cut the muscles so everything just pops out.

I'd check for ab separation first before thinking about any exercises. If it is then it can be helped with simple exercises and a splint. Check out the link I posted upthread and look at the before and after pics.

[Tenaj]

You are not alone :( I just don't get people!

 

I've always been greatly amused that the people who have asked me that tend to be more overweight women themselves - wouldn't you think they would be more sensitive?

 

In their defense, in the past 10 years I've had five kidlets so I guess they assume that it's a safe bet :)

 

I try to be charitable and gracious but it's a horrible and awkward experience.

[amyrjoy]

Sigh. I understand. Sunday a man asked DH when he was going to be a father. I overheard. Ive been humiliated a few times each year. Lol. Yesterday I told Rich "see people must want us to have more kids!" One time someone argued with me that I was pregnant....she wouldn't believe me. Seriously. I was mortified.

[kalanamak]

Smile proudly and say, no, I just have the good fortune to have enough to eat.

[LizzyBee]

fwiw I actually had a Moms into Fitness video that I used after pregnancy #2. I really liked it but it has a lot of exercises that are bad if you have separation, ironically. She also says 1 or 2 fingers is normal and I don't know that I'd agree with that.

 

Oh, that's interesting. I went to the tupler website, but I wasn't sure if I was doing the check correctly, so I googled and found the Moms into Fitness video that shows how to place the fingers. I couldn't feel any separation. But I found pics of the ab muscles with and without the separation, and I could see how a 1-2 finger separation could be normal.

[CatholicMom]

I would see if you have an abdominal separation issue, just in case. Sometimes (but not always) you can tell by leaning backward a bit and tensing up your belly muscles. If your belly comes to a point in the middle, that means you have a separation. The point happens from your insides not being held in by your abdominal muscles. This happened to me after pregnancy and lasted quite a while. I think I always have somewhat of a separation, but it's not enough to give me a major pot belly. But sometimes it will give you a pot, and it could be a result of your pregnancy 13 yrs ago. A doctor might be able to help you either with exercises or surgery, if it really bothers you.

 

If it's just a belly fat issue, well, you aren't alone there either! Losing weight would help, although if you just happen to carry more weight in your belly, there's nothing you can do to change your fat distribution, but the more you lose overall, the more your belly will shrink. The only way to lose fat is through aerobic exercise (sweating - ick) to burn more calories than you take in. Ab tightening exercises won't change your shape much if belly fat is the problem because you will just have tight abs underneath fluff. :tongue_smilie:

 

What a humiliating experience. :grouphug: I would cry, too! But don't be too hard on the guy because he was just trying to be nice, and he probably felt like a complete idiot afterward. I know my husband sorta did that before and he felt really dumb. But a couple came to our house and were buying a CRIB that we were selling on craigslist. I think he said something like "when are you due?". I'm not even sure it had anything to do with a belly, although she happened to be a little pudgy and was wearing a sweatshirt, so she could have been 4 months along for all he knew. He just thought, you're buying a baby crib, so obviously you need it for a baby. But they said they were buying the crib for their dogs, I think. :confused: mmm k? Anyway, I have heard these kinds of stories before so I have to be DANG sure someone's pregnant before I will say anything, at the risk of being rude for not acknowledging their pregnancy. But better to do that than embarrass someone else and yourself!! oy.

 

However, one piece of clothing advice is do NOT wear shirts or dresses with an empire waist. I noticed they are in style now (and are often cute) even for non-maternity clothes. But they can look like a maternity shirt *very easily* not to mention if you have any belly, it will accentuate it. The 2 combined could make people easily mistake you for being pregnant.

[justamouse]

Men can be such oafs. :group hug:

 

MarianneNOva talked about the separation and got a special wrap thingie and had great success.

 

Women tend to carry wight in their belly from estrogen. Esp if you're middle aged, it's estrogen belly. Safflower oil helps.

[Night Elf]

:iagree:

I was wearing a jumper one time and someone congratulated me for the same reason. I got rid of that jumper and have never looked back.

 

:iagree: Exact same thing, and I was at church. It was my dd's Sunday School teacher. Of course she felt horrible about it but I drove straight home and got rid of the few jumpers I had.

 

The ladies in my family are apple shaped, so weight gained usually accumulates on the tummy area first. I've lost 38 lbs. and my tummy has gone down a lot but not enough to take away the look that I might be pregnant. However, I do have gray hair now, so I'm hoping that my belly looks more like an old lady fat belly instead of a pregnant belly. Believe it or not, that actually makes me feel better. Yay for my gray hair. :tongue_smilie:

[Julie Smith]

I wouldn't tell someone "congrats" unless they literally were giving birth and I saw the head!

 

That's just flat out rude. If he was "trying to be nice" then he needs to learn some basic manners. Maybe next time congratulate him on being an eunuch because you don't see anything interesting going on down there.

 

:D

 

I feel the same way.

 

A friend I see once a month at homeschooling meetings was getting larger, and larger. She was even starting to waddle. Then she happened to mention something about the baby being due next month.

 

:p I'm glad she said something. I told her I didn't know and she laughed. I learnt my lesson from other people's mistakes, never assume.

 

In that frame of mind never assume an slightly older person with a kid is the Gramma. My Mom has done that one many, times. :glare:

[Ghee]

Could you have fibroids or any other uterine problems? I know that when I had my hysterectomy (non fibroids, but endometriosis) I had a VERY flat tummy for a while. Now it isn't "flat" but it isn't pronounced, either, it's just the normal somewhat saggy "I had 3 kids" stuff. I've never had a super flat tummy, even as a teen. I think it's because I don't have super wide hips, so that particular part of my innards doesn't "drop down" but rather "sits out". Diet can also help. When I cut out sugar I noticed a HUGE difference. Even just getting rid of sodas can help stop some bloating.

 

:grouphug: He should really know better.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:That man should be spanked; I'll be his wife would give him a nice lecture if she knew.

[Rene']

:grouphug:

 

Some things to look into:

 

 

T-Tapp Secret for a Flat Stomach

 

No Lipo Lipo (or google "knuckle massage")

 

Dry Skin Brushing (More detailed instructions for brushing)

Edited July 3, 2012 by Rene'

[SKL]

I'm apple-shaped too, and I've never been pregnant.

 

I do a few quick things every day to try to strengthen the stomach muscles, but I'm always going to be apple-shaped. And I'm 5'5" and 130 lbs +/-. Sometimes after a good meal I could pass for 8+mos pregnant.

 

It's just a body type. Try not to let it get you down.

 

Once my mom was about to get on a ride at the county fair when the ride operator (a young man obviously not hired for his charisma) insisted that she was pregnant. She insisted that she was not, and he insisted she was lying. So, you're not alone. At least everyone in your situation is trying to be nice about it. Not much help, I know.

[SKL]

I wouldn't tell someone "congrats" unless they literally were giving birth and I saw the head!

 

:D

 

I have to admit that I agree with this. I ran into an old business colleague when she was 8.5mos pregnant. But I didn't dare say a word until she mentioned it herself. She must have thought I was nuts, but I remembered what happened to my mom, so I was afraid to go there.

[Julie Smith]

Perhaps the abs diet book for women might be helpful?

 

I never had a big problem, but I could see one developing so I got the book from the library. It was one of the favorite diet books I have ever read.

 

http://www.amazon.com/The-Abs-Diet-Women-Six-Week/dp/B002HJ3JWI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1341334190&sr=8-1&keywords=The+abs+diet+book+for+women

[dancer67]

Wow, thank you ladies for all the kind words and advice. I am going to look into some of those videos. I do not believe I have an Ab Sep issue. After the birth of my first son 22 years ago, I continued to always have a belly.

No fibroids or uterine issues at all.

The last time I remember having a flat stomach was when I was about 20 years old. Right before I have my son. Then I had a daughter two years later. Then was pregnant with twins in 1998(one lost in utero) and had a c-section for my survivor.

I also have those "love handles"(I don;t know what else to call them) on my upper outside thighs.

Other then that I have no wrinkles, no vericose veins. My calves are rock hard because I dance. My arms are in decent shape.

Checking out the things you all suggested.

 

And my DH said, Wait until he gets my bill:lol:

[Bear23]

Me too. I been working out for a few months now and everything is looking good except the stomach.

[lcelmer]

"And he says his opinion is the only one that counts and he thinks I am perfect. "

That is a pretty special man you have there. :thumbup: The fact that he was on your side, and loving you no matter the shape is so awesome. :-)

 

 

FWIW... I got the "Are you pregnant ?" from a lady at church a couple weeks ago. I am currently overweight, so I just laughingly responded with nope! Just fat..... :-D

[dancer67]

"And he says his opinion is the only one that counts and he thinks I am perfect. "

That is a pretty special man you have there. :thumbup: The fact that he was on your side, and loving you no matter the shape is so awesome. :-)

 

 

FWIW... I got the "Are you pregnant ?" from a lady at church a couple weeks ago. I am currently overweight, so I just laughingly responded with nope! Just fat..... :-D

 

 

Thanks. I got myself a good man.:001_smile:

 

And :lol: on your response.Next time I should just tell someone that I have been pregnant for 13 years, and seems like my baby is never going to be born.:lol:

 

:grouphug:to all

[Katy]

Oh no! So sorry!

 

If you want to drop fat fast with minimal time, look at high intensity interval training or tabata training. Or try workouts that are online for free that you can do with minimal equipment. I love Zuzana (though she's not for you if you're offended by a bikini): http://www.youtube.com/user/ZuzkaLight

 

Also, only eat when you're a little bit hungry. Eat whatever you want, but don't wait to get really hungry. Eat only enough to give you more energy. If you get a little sleepy after eating, you ate too much. Pay attention to how many bites it takes you to satisfy your hunger and give you more energy, and how many until you feel sleepy after eating. Mine is about 5-12 bites, depending on how heavy & rich the food is. You might find yourself eating a small meal every 3-4 hours on smaller portions. That's fine.

 

If you find that there are certain foods that you are compulsive about (wheat, sugar, dairy), try to avoid them most of the time.

 

If you do a 10-20 minute high intensity workout once or twice a day and only eat a little bit when you're hungry, you will probably drop 10-20 pounds in a month, for free.