Hanging up on people who get distracted by their children?

[BlueTaelon]

This has happened once before and was it shocking then too. Anyway a lady called returning my call from Monday and I had totally forgotten about her and I was trying to place her and it finally dawned on me who she was. At that moment the kids came in, were having a bad week, my 11 yr old was rudely trying to take the iPad out of my hands that was I using, my 5 yr old was whining about something and I had to deal with the situation immediately before it got really ugly. All this happened in the span of about 5 seconds, she hung up on me rather then wait the 10 seconds I needed to deal with it.

 

Yes I know I was rude by needing to deal with my children and it took me 30 seconds to realize who the woman was but to hang up on someone? That's just rude. Is this normal? I can see asking if they need me to call back in a bit but just to hang up? I don't even have a number to call her, I was transferred to her voice mail after talking to a lot of people on Monday.

 

Both these women were LDS/Mormon, I know social stuff is a bit different with them, did I over step some social boundary by dealing with my rude children for a moment?

[Halcyon]

My sister does this to me. It's rude, and no, she doesn't have kids.

[Slipper]

It was rude. My kids come first. If they show poor manners when I'm on the phone, it's better (in my opinion) to deal with it immediately (rather than give in simply because I'm on the phone).

 

In situations where I know I'm going into an important phone call, they are threatened with dire consequences should they interrupt me for foolishness.

 

They can always interrupt in emergencies.

 

I would expect people to be understanding when talking with parents of young children.

[Tanikit]

Its hard to tell cause just like you were having a bad day with the kids she could have been having a bad day with anything herself. So yes, if nothing like that was happening to her then it would have been more polite to organise for you to phone back or for her to rephone you, but being on a telephone its impossible for either of you to know what was happening on the other persons side. I'd just let it go - if she phones back you could always ask what happened or tell her she caught you at a bad time.

[justLisa]

Did you say "Can you hold a moment?" I mean, if you just dropped the phone and started tending to other things, maybe she thought you meant to hang up, but otherwise, this is just weird and rude.

 

On a side note, when I call my mother, she talks to everyone and everything WHILE talking to me and it drives me nuts. I want to hang up on her all the time, but I do not :lol:

 

Btw: My kids have done this to me VERY rarely, because it's the one time I get TOTALLY ticked off. I quickly turn around, away from the kids, say "please let me put you on hold for a brief moment," and whip around, giving everyone the *look* and very quickly tell the kids to stay put, I am on the phone and run to another room. When I answer the phone, my kids are old enough to know when it is important by my tone, and they had better know to keep quiet or at least not intentionally speak or distract me!

Edited April 18, 2012 by 425lisamarie

[gardening momma]

Was it a business call? Did you acknowledge who she was before you got distracted by your kids? Maybe she thought she had the wrong number, or you weren't interested in talking to her or she was trying to make a business call but didn't get the response she expected.

[BlueTaelon]

Did you say "Can you hold a moment?" I mean, if you just dropped the phone and started tending to other things, maybe she thought you meant to hang up, but otherwise, this is just weird and rude.

 

Btw: My kids have done this to me VERY rarely, because it's the one time I get TOTALLY ticked off. I quickly turn around, away from the kids, say "please let me put you on hold for a brief moment," and whip around, giving everyone the *look* and very quickly tell the kids to stay put, I am on the phone and run to another room. When I answer the phone, my kids are old enough to know when it is important by my tone, and they had better know to keep quiet or at least not intentionally speak or distract me!

 

I'm afraid I didn't ask to be excused for a moment, it literally hit all at the same second and I reacted out of habit dealing with the kids. The evil eye doesn't work with my kids, NOTHING works with my kids:( Its been a REALLY BAD week:(

 

 

Was it a business call? Did you acknowledge who she was before you got distracted by your kids? Maybe she thought she had the wrong number, or you weren't interested in talking to her or she was trying to make a business call but didn't get the response she expected.

 

She was from the school district where were moving to and I need help locating a charter that will meet our needs. I was a bit embarrassed by taking 30 seconds to place the woman, the entire call lasted 38 seconds:(

[BakersDozen]

I've hung up on people. :blushing: My mom has been hung up on by me several times if she chooses to take another call or if she has called me while standing in line at Starbucks and thinks it is OK to place her order while leaving me on the other end waiting. :glare: I've hung up on two friends who hold conversations with their dc and think I have nothing better to do than wait. I won't hang up after only 5-10 seconds but if it's going on for a while or consistently I hang up. Thankfully, these three people know why I did it and that my time is precious; if they want to talk to me then they'd better do it fast and not leave me hanging.

 

I suppose it is rude but then I find it very rude to ignore someone on the other end of the line (barring an emergency that has to be dealt with, emergency being blood, flood or fire ;)).

[Ellie]

Yeah, it was kind of rude.

 

I certainly wouldn't equate her behavior in any way with being LDS, though. That's sort of a strange thought. :001_huh:

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm afraid I didn't ask to be excused for a moment, it literally hit all at the same second and I reacted out of habit dealing with the kids. The evil eye doesn't work with my kids, NOTHING works with my kids:( Its been a REALLY BAD week:(

 

Aww. I'm sorry it's been a bad week. And I'll admit that I've lost it and ignored adult conversations to deal with kids more times than I care to remember.

 

I have to say, though, that I do think it's rude to stop paying attention to someone on the phone and deal with misbehaving children, unless you excuse yourself for a moment to do so. I don't know that I would hang up on someone the very first time it happened, but I will confess that there were certain moms I stopped attempting to talk to on the phone after they did this a few times. And I don't necessarily think it's rude to end a conversation if the other party clearly isn't engaging.

 

Again, I'm sorry things have been tough. I hope it gets better soon!

[Dolphin]

If she was the one who called you, then yes she was being rude on a few levels.

 

I understand she was calling you back. You said you had trouble placing her for a moment. If she is calling from a business she should clearly state who she is at the beginning of a call. "Hi, this is Sarah from the Oakridge school distric returning your call." So many people will now call and not introduce themselves at all or say "Hi, this is Sarah." If you were having trouble placing her it sounds like the later is more likely. But maybe that is just me.

 

The next is, that if you call someone, you can't just expect them to be sitting at a desk ready for a phone call with all there ducks in order. I think sometimes people forget that there is a difference calling a home vs. calling someone at work.

 

Yes it would have been nice if you had managed to say wait a sec, but it sounds like there was not time. Definitely not a hang up offense. :glare:

 

Now, if you had initiated the phone call, I could understand it a little more. It is rude to hang up, but also for important business calls it is polite to have thought through the child situation first:D hog tie them or whatever:D, but that was not the case, she called you.

 

Now saying all that, yes she was rude, but don't take it to heart, it sounds like you are having one of those weeks:grouphug: Take a deep breath and let it go. She is not one of your kids, and her lack of manners is not your problem. Chalk it up to a rude lady that you have to deal with for a short amount of time and have some chocolate:001_smile:

[dangermom]

LDS folks are generally used to large families with lots of rambunctious kids, and IME we are very understanding about that kind of thing, so no--not an LDS thing. I think she was rude.

[TranquilMind]

This has happened once before and was it shocking then too. Anyway a lady called returning my call from Monday and I had totally forgotten about her and I was trying to place her and it finally dawned on me who she was. At that moment the kids came in, were having a bad week, my 11 yr old was rudely trying to take the iPad out of my hands that was I using, my 5 yr old was whining about something and I had to deal with the situation immediately before it got really ugly. All this happened in the span of about 5 seconds, she hung up on me rather then wait the 10 seconds I needed to deal with it.

 

Yes I know I was rude by needing to deal with my children and it took me 30 seconds to realize who the woman was but to hang up on someone? That's just rude. Is this normal? I can see asking if they need me to call back in a bit but just to hang up? I don't even have a number to call her, I was transferred to her voice mail after talking to a lot of people on Monday.

 

Both these women were LDS/Mormon, I know social stuff is a bit different with them, did I over step some social boundary by dealing with my rude children for a moment?

Well, if you said, "Hold on a minute, please" and then dealt with your children, that would be fine.

 

But if you just began speaking to your children while she was speaking on the phone to you (and I don't know if you did or not), then I can understand being annoyed by that.

 

When my friends/acquaintances and I had littles, most people did say, "hold on, I'm sorry" and then do this upon occasion. I can't see becoming offended over that, but if someone just ignores me and goes away, I'd be pretty annoyed and probably hang up if it happened regularly. Obviously, this does not apply to an emergency! But kids just wanting to talk or argue is not an emergency. They need to learn to be quiet so you can conduct your business, sooner or later (hard lesson, I know, but they eventually get it!).

 

I don't know. Just speaking from personal experience here.

[Tess in the Burbs]

my own mother has made it clear if I ask her to hold on while I deal with my kids she will hang up on me. And she has. So I don't call her often anymore b/c there is always some kid around not understanding that grandma wants my undivided attention :lol::glare:

[BlueTaelon]

Yeah, it was kind of rude.

 

I certainly wouldn't equate her behavior in any way with being LDS, though. That's sort of a strange thought. :001_huh:

 

 

I thought it might be an LDS thing because the LDS I have been around are almost a different breed of people. They are rather different then the rest of the people around here. Were talking the difference between the English and the Amish kinda different. Just radically different world views and social rules it seems. I wish there was a book out there that tells you how to interact with them without offending and understanding where their coming from you know? I mean simple little things you wouldn't think could offend do. I wouldn't think saying the word "butt" is offensive but apparently to the LDS it is. I need a handbook on how to avoid those land mines lol:)

[TranquilMind]

my own mother has made it clear if I ask her to hold on while I deal with my kids she will hang up on me. And she has. So I don't call her often anymore b/c there is always some kid around not understanding that grandma wants my undivided attention :lol::glare:

Well, that's crazy. All parents of little kids have to do that. Are yours little?

 

If they are older than say, 6, and still regularly interrupting you for non-emergencies, then that is something to deal with, because it will also be a problem with anyone you are dealing with in a professional manner.

[swellmomma]

2 thoughts in this. 1, being that you didn't excuse yourself to deal with the kids. SHe may have felt that you were ending the phone call. 2, it is completely possible that she did not intentionally hang up. Perhaps the call got disconnected and she thought YOU hung up. That has happened before to me, I was speaking to someone on landlines not cellphones, and suddenly I heard a click and then they were gone. I was miffed thinking they hung up on me. They called back shortly asking why I hung up on them. During that call it happened again. It turned out there was a problem with their phone service and the phone company had to fix it before it stop randomly disconnecting phone calls. Or perhaps she accidently hit the hang up button etc. And thought it was you. I would give her benefit of the doubt since between you trying to remember her and the chaos of the kids for the moment made her think you hung up when the call disconnected which is why she didn't try back later.

[mycalling]

I completely understand rude children while on the phone and often have to run to my closet to escape them!...but two things I noticed from your post: you could have put down the iPad to focus on the call and you could have asked her to clarify who she was.

[BlueTaelon]

Well, that's crazy. All parents of little kids have to do that. Are yours little?

 

If they are older than say, 6, and still regularly interrupting you for non-emergencies, then that is something to deal with, because it will also be a problem with anyone you are dealing with in a professional manner.

 

 

Suggestions on how to do this? I have tried everything from time outs to spanking for interrupting and nothing works. They. just. don't. get. it!

[Butter]

Both these women were LDS/Mormon, I know social stuff is a bit different with them, did I over step some social boundary by dealing with my rude children for a moment?

 

What the heck is that supposed to mean??? I'm LDS and I would expect a mom to deal with their kids when needed. Their kids come first over whatever I need from them. Likewise, I would expect patience from someone else if I needed to deal with my kids. 90% of the people I talk to on the phone are LDS and it's the same with them. Social stuff isn't any different with LDS people. That's really got me :confused:

[maddykate]

I thought it might be an LDS thing because the LDS I have been around are almost a different breed of people. They are rather different then the rest of the people around here. Were talking the difference between the English and the Amish kinda different. Just radically different world views and social rules it seems. I wish there was a book out there that tells you how to interact with them without offending and understanding where their coming from you know? I mean simple little things you wouldn't think could offend do. I wouldn't think saying the word "butt" is offensive but apparently to the LDS it is. I need a handbook on how to avoid those land mines lol:)

 

I find it very annoying when I am trying to have a conversation with someone and they use my time to deal with their children. If it wasn't a good time to talk, you should have said so to her before disciplining your children and arranged to call her back. If she is trying to run a business or charter school or whatever, she is probably very busy and doesn't have time to deal with that type of thing. I am a SAHM and I don't have time to deal with that nonsense.

 

BTW, I am not LDS and I find it rude when people say butt.

[dangermom]

I thought it might be an LDS thing because the LDS I have been around are almost a different breed of people. They are rather different then the rest of the people around here. Were talking the difference between the English and the Amish kinda different. Just radically different world views and social rules it seems. I wish there was a book out there that tells you how to interact with them without offending and understanding where their coming from you know? I mean simple little things you wouldn't think could offend do. I wouldn't think saying the word "butt" is offensive but apparently to the LDS it is. I need a handbook on how to avoid those land mines lol:)

 

Where do you live? AFAIK we mostly are mostly pretty inconspicuous except for the lack of sleeveless shirts and Starbucks' cups.

 

:lol: My mom wouldn't let me say butt. But I don't know anyone who would make a fuss about it to someone who wasn't their own child! That sort of thing is very individual. Mormons don't use real swear words or say "OMG" but otherwise it's all over the map--I would never say cr** but many of my most delicate-minded friends do.

[BlueTaelon]

I completely understand rude children while on the phone and often have to run to my closet to escape them!...but two things I noticed from your post: you could have put down the iPad to focus on the call and you could have asked her to clarify who she was.

 

 

I wasn't focused on the iPad, I was just holding it because I had been using it when the phone rang 30 seconds before. I have locked myself in the bathroom, that leads to children yelling though the door and knocking non stop. Its like waving a flag saying "come harass me!":glare::( Yes, I know, my children have no manners and every attempt to teach them as failed:(

[Butter]

I thought it might be an LDS thing because the LDS I have been around are almost a different breed of people. They are rather different then the rest of the people around here. Were talking the difference between the English and the Amish kinda different. Just radically different world views and social rules it seems. I wish there was a book out there that tells you how to interact with them without offending and understanding where their coming from you know? I mean simple little things you wouldn't think could offend do. I wouldn't think saying the word "butt" is offensive but apparently to the LDS it is. I need a handbook on how to avoid those land mines lol:)

 

I am seriously :lol: at this. Butt is definitely not offensive to any LDS people I know. :lol:

[mom2samlibby]

I find it very annoying when I am trying to have a conversation with someone and they use my time to deal with their children. If it wasn't a good time to talk, you should have said so to her before disciplining your children and arranged to call her back. If she is trying to run a business or charter school or whatever, she is probably very busy and doesn't have time to deal with that type of thing. I am a SAHM and I don't have time to deal with that nonsense.

 

 

:iagree: I run a homebased business out of my home and have gotten my kids trained that when I am on the phone, they are to be quiet. I find it very annoying when I'm trying to talk to someone and they are dealing with their children.

[Impish]

Anyone who calls here runs the risk of the phone being answered, "House of Chaos, head inmate speaking!" at any given time.

 

I do let ppl know that I'm busy, if they're not willing to risk me having to say, "Hang on a sec, please.." and my dealing w/kids, then they can call back after kids are in bed for the eve. That's about the option.

 

Now, I *do* go to my room, close the door...but knocking happens. They have been warned that unless its wire, fire, flood, blood, thugs or drugs not to interrupt, but things do happen.

[TKDmom]

I wasn't focused on the iPad, I was just holding it because I had been using it when the phone rang 30 seconds before. I have locked myself in the bathroom, that leads to children yelling though the door and knocking non stop. Its like waving a flag saying "come harass me!":glare::( Yes, I know, my children have no manners and every attempt to teach them as failed:(

 

:grouphug: Nobody's calling you a failure. My kids do the same thing. I find myself locking my bedroom door and then hiding in the walk-in closet to get away from the screaming and pounding on my door.

 

I have to agree that it's not an LDS thing. I get a little annoyed when others have to deal with their kids when we're talking on the phone, but I totally get it, and I never hang up on them. I might offer to call back at a more convenient time, though.

[Gingerbread Mama]

I wasn't focused on the iPad, I was just holding it because I had been using it when the phone rang 30 seconds before. I have locked myself in the bathroom, that leads to children yelling though the door and knocking non stop. Its like waving a flag saying "come harass me!":glare::( Yes, I know, my children have no manners and every attempt to teach them as failed:(

 

 

Well, first :grouphug: because I know how hard it is to try, try, try to instill manners in your children and then they don't use them and people think you're a slacker...

 

Second, my guess would be that either she thought this was a bad time and hung up OR she thought you had thought you hung up and hadn't gotten the phone on the hook so she hung up. I will say here that I have hung up on people who rudely (I think) carry on conversations with others while on the phone with me. I'm not talking about the friend who tells their DC "Stop that. I am on the phone. Yes, you may have a drink but please stop jumping on me." I'm talking about the friend who leaves me hanging for MINUTES while she talks to someone else, I'm talking about my own DH would will carry on a full conversation with someone else while I'm trying to talk to him, I'm talking about my mother who can't get across to her 60+ year old husband that she CAN'T talk for the next five minutes and she'll be with him shortly ;) I would say the best way to handle it is to explain it immediately by saying "I'm sorry, my children are behaving badly and I need to deal with it before it gets out of hand. Could I call you back in a few minutes?" I know, easier said than done when you feel like you have a vein in your head about to burst.

 

Third, would it work to physically remove the children when they start interrupting you? Could you tell the caller you need 30 seconds or whatever and then take the child to their room with a brief "I am on the phone and you are being rude by making noise. I will come for you when I'm no longer on the phone, do not come out unless I come for you. SCREAMING for me and asking to come out will only make you stay in here longer." or something of that nature? I'm going to try it with my own. After offering that advice, I realized that I spend most of my time on the phone making the "zip it" motion to my children. :001_huh:

[catz]

I think what she did was rude. Maybe she doesn't have kids and doesn't understand?

 

:iagree: honestly I try to do as much communication via email for this very reason.

[Ellie]

Suggestions on how to do this? I have tried everything from time outs to spanking for interrupting and nothing works. They. just. don't. get. it!

I feel your pain.

 

Miss Manners says it takes 18 years of constant nagging to rear a well-mannered adult. :D

 

Something I had to do with my dds was correct them every.single.time they interrupted me when I was on the phone, as in I asked the caller to wait, put the receiver down, and corrected the misbehaving child ("misbehaving" meaning the dc interrupted me). Every.single.time. I couldn't ever, for the longest time, even nod my head in answer to a child's question, because the next time dc would come up to me and start talking. :glare: I was finally able to get them to come up to me and wait without speaking (I would hold up my hand to acknowledge her) until I could excuse myself from the caller and reply to the child (which I did every.single.time: excuse myself from the caller, put the telephone down, and take care of the child).

 

I have a dear friend who talks to everyone in the room with her, at any random time, sometimes for several minutes, without taking the phone away from her mouth, when I'm talking to her. Makes me crazy. :tongue_smilie:

[AndyJoy]

My parents taught my sister and me to silently put our hand on mom or dad's shoulder if we wished to speak to them while they were on the phone or talking to another person face-to-face. They would acknowledge our presence by touching the hand, then excuse themselves from their conversation when they got a chance. Having a system made it easier to wait.

[justLisa]

I feel your pain.

 

 

I have a dear friend who talks to everyone in the room with her, at any random time, sometimes for several minutes, without taking the phone away from her mouth, when I'm talking to her. Makes me crazy. :tongue_smilie:

 

My mother does this. It's awful. The biggest problem is she does it for my kids when they are there, which is once or twice a week. Her idea of parenting is to make sure no one is every mad at her:glare:. I had a girlfriend growing up, not a mother. We cussed at each other, yelled, etc. I will not have that kind of relationship.

 

I need to have a talk with her about it. My kids are very good about this now at home, but if I call over there when they are there, she can't even say 4 words in a row to ME the caller, without answering or just commenting. They don't even ask/talk to her on the phone, she just talks to everyone around. OMG I'm annoyed just thinking about it. I usually just text her now.

[justLisa]

My parents taught my sister and me to silently put our hand on mom or dad's shoulder if we wished to speak to them while they were on the phone or talking to another person face-to-face. They would acknowledge our presence by touching the hand, then excuse themselves from their conversation when they got a chance. Having a system made it easier to wait.

 

This is a very gentle and well thought plan. I am going to talk to my kids about it and I'm sure they will agree it is a good idea :001_smile:

[BlueTaelon]

This is a very gentle and well thought plan. I am going to talk to my kids about it and I'm sure they will agree it is a good idea :001_smile:

 

 

Its a great idea until your children realize it doesn't mean your going to stop your call immediately and give them your full attention. Its the whole waiting for you that's the problem. They want you NOW and to heck with your needs.

[Stacy in NJ]

Well, if you said, "Hold on a minute, please" and then dealt with your children, that would be fine.

 

But if you just began speaking to your children while she was speaking on the phone to you (and I don't know if you did or not), then I can understand being annoyed by that.

 

When my friends/acquaintances and I had littles, most people did say, "hold on, I'm sorry" and then do this upon occasion. I can't see becoming offended over that, but if someone just ignores me and goes away, I'd be pretty annoyed and probably hang up if it happened regularly. Obviously, this does not apply to an emergency! But kids just wanting to talk or argue is not an emergency. They need to learn to be quiet so you can conduct your business, sooner or later (hard lesson, I know, but they eventually get it!).

 

I don't know. Just speaking from personal experience here.

 

:iagree:

[SKL]

Maybe she assumed that a little kid had answered the phone or something. From her end of the conversation, you sounded like you were not "there."

 

I have a business colleague who does this (solves all the world's problems at her end while on the phone with me). I hate it. It is basically telling me that I'm the least important person she has to deal with. Fine, then, I have better things to do than hang on the phone waiting an indefinite period of time until I become the priority for a split second. Actually, I send her to voice mail most of the time.

 

I also think it's inconsiderate to "deal with" your kids when you're on the phone, unless it's an emergency. A rude or whining kid is not an emergency in my house. Furthermore, kids need to be taught to be considerate when mom is on the phone.

[justLisa]

Its a great idea until your children realize it doesn't mean your going to stop your call immediately and give them your full attention. Its the whole waiting for you that's the problem. They want you NOW and to heck with your needs.

 

Oh I was speaking for MYSELF and MY children, not yours, sorry! I thought it was a good idea, because I know my children will learn to use it. I do something similar, but it doesn't really work as well. I tell them to wave at me I'll stop when I can, but it turns in to wacky hand waves and trying to lip read LOL.

[SKL]

Regarding the question how to teach kids - of course all kids are different, but mine have understood since they were tots that they need to be quiet when someone is on the phone. Once we drove 6 hours during business hours in a van with my workaholic boss. She was on business calls for over 5 of those 6 hours and my kids (then 4) didn't create a distraction. (I did vow to never subject them to that again. Grr.)

 

I think my key has been consistency. I don't sometimes allow disruptions and sometimes not. If it's a call they are allowed to join in, I put on the speaker phone etc. Otherwise, I tell them to hush. I also warn people if they call during our "family time" (evenings/weekends - especially when we're driving somewhere) that they may hear some background noise, and if the call gets long, I may say "just a moment" while I tell the kids off. After a while, it becomes unreasonable to expect the kids to be still, and so I let long-winded callers hear more until they get the hint and hang up.

 

If my kids don't behave reasonably well during a call, they get a consequence every time. It's not negotiable as I sometimes have to work with them in the room.

[Oakblossoms]

I always use a cell phone and never answer unless I can.

 

Maybe you are talking about FLDS.

 

Now onto what seems to be the real issue. Are you ok? Because you sound burnt out and very upset with your children.

[BlueTaelon]

I always use a cell phone and never answer unless I can.

 

Maybe you are talking about FLDS.

 

Now onto what seems to be the real issue. Are you ok? Because you sound burnt out and very upset with your children.

 

 

I am very burned out and upset with my children today. My only positive thought is in 15 minutes the behavior councilor lady (totally ineffective but gives me a break from them for an hour) will be here and deal with them for an hour then take the older one away for group counseling for an hour. With luck the younger will go play with the neighbor kid for an hour and I can get a break and some peace and quiet. My stress level is though the roof this week with everything going on and 90% of its being caused by misbehaving kids.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Well, that's crazy. All parents of little kids have to do that. Are yours little?

 

If they are older than say, 6, and still regularly interrupting you for non-emergencies, then that is something to deal with, because it will also be a problem with anyone you are dealing with in a professional manner.

 

They aren't little anymore and don't interrupt much either. But when they feel it's an emergency they will stop at nothing to get my attention, lol :tongue_smilie: Like messages on the white board or long written notes. They are kids. It's important to them.

 

My mom wants dead silence when on the phone. But when I talk to her she's got the tv in the background blaring at level 80. Doesn't seem like a fair request to have kids silent :lol::tongue_smilie::glare:

[DianeW88]

LDS folks are generally used to large families with lots of rambunctious kids, and IME we are very understanding about that kind of thing, so no--not an LDS thing. I think she was rude.

 

:iagree: I promise it wasn't because she was LDS. :lol:

[DianeW88]

:glare:

I thought it might be an LDS thing because the LDS I have been around are almost a different breed of people. They are rather different then the rest of the people around here. Were talking the difference between the English and the Amish kinda different. Just radically different world views and social rules it seems. I wish there was a book out there that tells you how to interact with them without offending and understanding where their coming from you know? I mean simple little things you wouldn't think could offend do. I wouldn't think saying the word "butt" is offensive but apparently to the LDS it is. I need a handbook on how to avoid those land mines lol:)

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:Bahahahahaha! I'm LDS and I say "butt" all the time! As in, "Get your butt in here!" "Do these jeans make my butt look huge?" "You guys are total butt-heads." Now, I never say any of those things in anger or in a nasty tone of voice (unless of course, the jeans ARE making my butt look big :glare:), but...um...yeah...I'm a UTAH Mormon and we all say "butt" around here (my neighborhood) quite frequently. :D

[laundrycrisis]

Obviously it is ideal to be able to make the person you are speaking with your first conversational priority. And in real life, children (and dogs) do not always give us the quiet we need to hold a phone conversation. My dogs are not yet perfectly trained and neither are my children. When I call someone, I expect that real life is what happens at their house too. It is compassionate to be understanding when someone else is dealing with less-than-perfect-real-life-with-kids. It is not compassionate to quickly hang up on them over it - that is an example of an adult behaving badly. Now if someone puts me literally on hold or mute "for a moment" and then doesn't come back in a minute or two, I will hang up and wait for them to call me back when things quiet down...and I won't be mad about it either, but I won't sit on hold longer than that. But I would not just disconnect a call when I can hear that the person is doing her best to deal with things so she can get back to me. That's life and I would tell her that I understand.

[delaney]

I'm kind of torn. I have a friend that does this ALL the time so I would be tempted to hang up as well but I doubt I would really do it out of rudeness. I am more confused about the fact that a 12 and 5 year old can behave so badly as to make you this upset. I rarely find myself feeling that bad and I am way more outnumbered. Perhaps so hard core behavior management? :grouphug:

[StephanieZ]

TBH, I think you were rude by abandoning her w/o excusing yourself, and so her rudeness (of hanging up w/o excusing herself -- but are you sure she didn't -- would you have heard her?) is still rude, but understandable.

 

I've BTDT with little kids. I know it's hard. Even my bigger kids can still drive me up a wall some days when I am on the phone.

 

Personally, I am not at all annoyed if I hear an infant or even a toddler hassling mom on the phone. That makes sense. But, if it is a verbal child, older than a toddler, my patience wears thin pretty quickly.

 

I find it self-absorbed and obnoxious when people (dear friends mostly!) engage in lengthy chats with their demanding little people while we are "on the phone." I wait, pray for a change of topic, and, if it is happening repeatedly, I find a way to get off the phone.

 

I think it is fine to tell anyone, "I'm sorry, can you give me a moment." and take a 10-30 second break from a call.

 

I think it is fine to, in dire emergency, drop the phone, run, put out the fire, and be done with the call.

 

I think it is also fine to tell anyone, "I'm sorry, this isn't a good time for me to talk. Can I call you back?"

 

But, to just randomly disappear from a conversation is RUDE unless there is a life threatening emergency, in which case you can just apologize when you finally make contact again.

 

I was an attachment parent. My babies slept with us. I wore a sling for the better part of a decade. I am all about spoiling and loving babies and caring for kids.

 

Not saying that anyone HERE does this, but all too often I see parents allow their kids to be rude, and I think the parents are the rudest of all by expecting the rest of the universe to cater to them when they pull the "I'm putting my kids first" card. Yah, right, you are putting them first and ME LAST. Parents can't ask strangers (or really anyone but you) to come second to *their* priorities (their kids) unless that is a real safety/well-being issue.

 

FWIW, I used to warn my kids as I was walking to the ringing phone to leave me be while I was on the call. When they were tiny, I'd offer a bribe sometimes, or stick in a video (rare treat for them). I also used to simply not answer if I wasn't in a time/place to talk. (Answering machines are nifty!) I would also walk into another room, outside, even MY CLOSET to get some peace! If your kids are old enough to safely walk away from them, then that is what I'd advice. (We have only portable phones for a reason, lol.)

[Scuff]

Take a deep breath and let it go. She is not one of your kids, and her lack of manners is not your problem.

 

I love this. We could probably rid ourselves of a lot of unneccessary stress if we remembered this sentance when dealing with people.

[StephanieZ]

:iagree: I promise it wasn't because she was LDS. :lol:

 

:iagree: I lived in Utah, among mostly mormon neighbors, for several years, and am now blessed (in WV) to have some LDS friends. I have to say, that, without a doubt, the (MANY) LDS folks I've lived among, counted as friends, neighbors, or acquaintances . . . have been the most polite, courteous, kind folks, as a group, that I've ever known. There is no other religious group I'd rather have as members of my little world. I've MANY TIMES said that if there was anyway I could face myself in the mirror (spritually), I'd have converted to LDS & never left Utah.

 

There was ONE LDS neighbor lady who used to yell at her kids. (She had 10!) She was still really nice. I still liked her, but I hated to hear her yell at her kids. She seemed really TIRED, and I felt like she should have stopped a few kids back. But, other than that ONE acquaintance, I have never met an LDS -- kid or adult -- who I didn't see routinely exhibiting exemplary courtesy.

 

I've also been amazed at how understanding my LDS acquaintances and friends have been of our differences. I *try hard* not to use "god" or even "gosh" among them b/c I know they don't like it. When I slip, I apologize, and they always smile and remind me that they appreciate my effort, but that their "rules" don't apply to ME. In UT, dh and I were living IN SIN together in between two great LDS families, on a block of ALL LDS families. Folks were still nice as could be to us, even before we made it legal and got married. Despite the fact that we were un-evangelizable and didn't go to ANY church, they still loved on us, taught us how to garden, etc. Good people. Awesome neighbors.

 

So, anyway, as a non-LDS, I just wanted to give a yell-out that discourteous behavior is the VERY LAST thing I'd attribute to someone's LDS-ness.

[MamaSheep]

First, and most important, :grouphug:. It sounds like you're having a stressful time. I hope it passes soon.

 

Secondly, I agree with those who've said it's not an "LDS thing". I've never had anyone LDS do that to me, and I've been LDS all my life and had difficult children for the past 15 years. I'm sorry you're not having a more positive experience with your new LDS neighbors. I wish we all lived up to our collective ideals, but alas, we're very human.

 

Thirdly, I'm really curious how you knew these ladies were LDS. Don't answer if you don't want to, but I'm trying to imagine how that would even come up in a brief school-related phone call.

 

Lastly, more :grouphug:. Because you sound like you need it. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

ETA: (I know I said lastly, but had to add this) If have questions about LDS beliefs and customs that you'd like to ask someone who isn't your neighbor, or would like some pointers on how to deal with a situation involving someone who is LDS, please feel free to post them on the forum. I'll be happy to at least give them a shot, and I promise I won't be offended. And I know there are other very nice LDS women here who are full of good ideas and information who would also be happy to pitch in.

Edited April 18, 2012 by MamaSheep

[BlueTaelon]

First, and most important, :grouphug:. It sounds like you're having a stressful time. I hope it passes soon.

 

Secondly, I agree with those who've said it's not an "LDS thing". I've never had anyone LDS do that to me, and I've been LDS all my life and had difficult children for the past 15 years. I'm sorry you're not having a more positive experience with your new LDS neighbors. I wish we all lived up to our collective ideals, but alas, we're very human.

 

Thirdly, I'm really curious how you knew these ladies were LDS. Don't answer if you don't want to, but I'm trying to imagine how that would even come up in a brief school-related phone call.

 

Lastly, more :grouphug:. Because you sound like you need it. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

ETA: (I know I said lastly, but had to add this) If have questions about LDS beliefs and customs that you'd like to ask someone who isn't your neighbor, or would like some pointers on how to deal with a situation involving someone who is LDS, please feel free to post them on the forum. I'll be happy to at least give them a shot, and I promise I won't be offended. And I know there are other very nice LDS women here who are full of good ideas and information who would also be happy to pitch in.

 

 

The 1 lady talked to me about her beliefs, the school lady I took a wild guess since she's in an area with a very very high LDS population and while I'm guessing it won't make sense but I've found most LDS women have a "tone" to their speech. Not saying its neg or pos, its like an accent but with tone. Ridiculous I know but its something I have noticed.

 

I'm down to 1 kid and school just got out so hopefully her little playmate will be out soon, I'm going to go read a book now and enjoy some silence, oh yes, and EAT SOMETHING while I relax:)