How to teach my 6 year old to stop talking SO much?

[Dustybug]

My DD is 6 and talks CONSTANTLY. I'm a talker too and so is DH, but DD takes it to an entirely different level. She chatters nonstop through most of the day. Asking questions, telling stories, just prattling on about whatever goes through her mind.

 

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind it most of the time. I'm happy to answer questions, listen to her, etc., BUT she often will tell the same story 3-4 times in a row or insist on talking after I have asked her to be quiet, or interrupt DH and I (or another adult) when we are having conversations. She also will interrupt my DS when he is trying to tell a story and try to finish it for him, etc.

 

I'm beginning to get frustrated. I don't want to dampen her spirit, but I also want her to know that sometimes it is not appropriate to just go on and on. Any suggestions?

[CroppinIt]

I have no clue. I have one, too (ds8). He just talk-talk-talk-talk-talk-talk-talks.

 

Sometimes, when I just can't take it any more or it's totally inappropriate (like in the middle of the sermon), I'll say, "Honey, you'll have to tell me later. We need to be quiet now." But it only works if it's really true -- otherwise he sees, and talks, right through it. :rolleyes:

[Mommy22alyns]

:bigear:

 

Really. If anyone finds a solution, please let me know. PLEASE.

[Ecclecticmum]

:bigear:

 

We have the same problem here. A just goes on and on and on. DH is a talker, he likes to do this annoying thing of blurting something out, decending into silence, and just when your reading/writing again, blurting something else out, he can do this all day and night (seriously if he wakes up in the middle of the night for one of the kids, he'll jabber on and on to them). A has obviously picked up on this gene, and is a non-stop chatterer, telling stories to herself, telling the other kids what to do, commentating on everything she is doing.

 

Whilst if we are in school mode, I don't mind it, when mummy is trying to relax by reading, or is planning school stuff, it gets very very frustrating, as her natural voice is qutie high, and when she gets in this mode, it goes to almost a squeal, like having an ambulance siren right next to you.

 

If anyone has any ideas for this, I would also love to hear. Only option I have come up with is making sure they are on the other side of the house, or giving them a flashlight, telling them to go to their room and tell ghost stories under the doona (this blocks out a fair amount of noise, but then some get scared and start squealing and chasing each other lol :lol: can't win)

[Wyndie]

I'm going to listen for an answer b/c I have a 12 year old like this. He just can't seem to stop talking. I do occasionally tell him he HAS to stop b/c my brain is overwhelmed and needs a break but he only does small breaks. Sometimes I send him outside to get that energy out b/c I don't care if he talks to the trees and grass. :D

[Dustybug]

Well, at least I know I'm not alone! :lol:

 

 

So....anyone have any tips? :bigear:

[Lovin Learnin]

Uh, good luck with that. I have one at home myself. She talks NON STOP. When she was little she would speak her thoughts. At 11, I have come to realize it is a part of her personality and there will be no changing her. At least she has interesting things to say most of the time. :)

[JennyD]

Same scene here. No thought, no matter how minor or fleeting, goes unvoiced.

 

No tips, alas. Other than "If you don't stop talking for a few minutes, Mommy's brain is going to liquefy and run out of her ears, and won't that be disgusting?"

 

Oh, and I've started making him take turns with the 4yo. Each one gets to talk for a few minutes, then we switch. That doesn't get me any peace, but at least they're not talking over one another. And I like to think it reinforces the notion of taking turns in general conversation, but that's probably just wishful thinking.

[BigMamaBird]

You just described my 6 year old Dd. :bigear:

[nova147]

No ideas, just commiseration. The only peace I get is when I let DS play Plants vs. Zombies. And now DD4 is starting with the constant talking, too. Meanwhile, DD2 is showing signs of apraxia, so I have two who just WON'T stop talking and one who I can't get to speak. FABULOUS!

[JessReplanted]

I have a family of chatter boxes. I am the lone introvert, and the constant talking makes me crazy.

 

I have to say things like:

 

-It's quiet time.

-I can't talk right now.

-I need you to stop talking.

 

:lol:

Seriously.

 

Honestly, I think that learning to be quiet is a discipline that our kids have to learn. They don't have the 'luxury' of being in a classroom all day, so we are the ones who have to teach them that they cannot talk whenever they feel like it.

 

FWIW, I do make sure that I'm available for them at different times throughout the day. They do get more from me than just those three phrases. ;)

[Splinter]

My 6 year old is also a chatterbox. He goes to public school, so I do get a break, but there are still times I need him to just. stop. talking.

 

Last summer, he was really bad for interrupting while I was talking to other adults and trying to tell stories or say the most random things. The only thing that worked (and it only worked for a few weeks) was to make up a code word that meant he had to be quiet, and another code word that meant he was allowed to talk again. We used "Flash" and "Thunder". It was a lot less embarrassing than having to tell your kid to zip it.

[annlaura]

My 5yo is the same way. Sometimes it's extremely frustrating. My sister was the same way, so he came by it honestly. I don't have any tips, but my mother suggests really large gumdrops. ;)

[asta]

As someone who was a "talker" as a child...

 

Two things are going on: one, you have thoughts bombarding your senses to such a degree you feel that you must get them out or your head is going to explode and two (no one is going to like this one)...

 

You feel as if no one is listening to anything you are saying.

 

You feel insignificant. Yes, even at 6.

 

If you want to modulate a "talker", set aside some time, every day, for just you and them, in a place that has nothing to do with YOU. Don't bring a book, don't play with your cell phone, don't knit - nothing. Maybe sit at a park and ask them to tell you all about what they see. Lay on the grass and point out shapes in the clouds together.

 

Believe it or not, when the child feels they are really being listened to, the never ending chatter at YOU will cease. They'll probably still sit around making up stories about their toys, etc. - but that's just because their brain is moving at Mach 10.

 

Go to Hoagie's gifted page and look around for puzzles and such. My mom came up with some interesting complex manipulatives that really required concentration. They helped a lot.

 

 

A

[Momma H]

I have a couple of talkers. We figured out with my son that he blurts out everything that pops into his head. So we talked to him about that fact and started using the reminder word "inner monologue". Meaning, all people think things all day long, we just don't have to always verbalize it all (or it overwhelms others around you). I also will sometimes just say "too many words!" to remind them (there are 4 of them) that they are all doing that to me. It is hilarious to pay attention to the fact that to walk from one side of the housef the other, thus walking pasty my children, will mean each of them will attempt to tell me or aske something. I literally can not walk past any of them without them talking to me.:001_huh:

[amydavis]

As someone who was a "talker" as a child...

 

Two things are going on: one, you have thoughts bombarding your senses to such a degree you feel that you must get them out or your head is going to explode and two (no one is going to like this one)...

 

You feel as if no one is listening to anything you are saying.

 

You feel insignificant. Yes, even at 6.

 

If you want to modulate a "talker", set aside some time, every day, for just you and them, in a place that has nothing to do with YOU. Don't bring a book, don't play with your cell phone, don't knit - nothing. Maybe sit at a park and ask them to tell you all about what they see. Lay on the grass and point out shapes in the clouds together.

 

Believe it or not, when the child feels they are really being listened to, the never ending chatter at YOU will cease. They'll probably still sit around making up stories about their toys, etc. - but that's just because their brain is moving at Mach 10.

 

Go to Hoagie's gifted page and look around for puzzles and such. My mom came up with some interesting complex manipulatives that really required concentration. They helped a lot.

 

 

A

 

:iagree:

 

This really seems to be at the root of it with our talkative one. She's 7, and really does have the gift of gab. She came to dh and I just the other day and wanted to talk to us about how she doesn't feel like anyone talks to her or listens to her. She said that if she's trying to talk to us, her siblings will interrupt, or that dh and I will appear busy and distracted.

 

I had never thought about it. Then I realized that half of the time when she's telling me something, I'm either on the computer or busy with a household task. And she was right about her siblings. Maybe because she chatters so much, they feel as if it's okay to speak over her, or interrupt her.

 

She is even more talkative than some of her friends, but again, that comes down to differences in personality and the dynamics of households, etc. For instance, one good friend of hers is the older child of 2, with her younger sibling not being at a stage for talking. With that child's dad at work during the day, I'm sure that her household is far less "chatty" than ours. However, at our home, dd7 has 3 older siblings, so there is always someone chatting...or arguing, LOL. Even her oldest brother with autism has someone in the house everyday, that once again, adds to the communication. It also adds to the "I'm talking and nobody is listening because I'm the youngest" syndrome. Anyway, I mention this because when we have a spend-over I notice that dd's friend may tire of chatter sooner. She craves more quiet. I don't take this as a sign that one talks too much, or that one talks too little. It's honestly just perspective and personality. I hope that makes some sense!

 

Dh and I have started working on being more attentive, but I hadn't thought about setting aside a space of time to really let her enjoy chatting. It makes sense though, since we do similar things as adults. I know that I will make time for an uninterrupted phone call to a good friend, or to meet for lunch so we can catch up. It totally makes sense to do this with a child!

 

I also like the idea of the puzzles. Dd seems to have a brain that runs 100 m.p.h. 24/7. So, giving them something to use up some of that energy seems totally logical. Thanks for the idea!

[MissKNG]

I have two extreme talkers...:D

 

Big girl says it's because of asta's reason number one....so much going on in her head. One thing I do is give her lots of paper, crayons, glue, etc so she can create and draw what is going on. Her writing isn't very good yet so she gets too frustrated to write stuff down now.

Edited April 1, 2012 by MissKNG

[Laura Corin]

Hobbes is a talker. I did role playing with him about how to have a conversation (rather than just a monologue). He really hadn't noticed that other people didn't narrate their lives constantly. He still talks a lot, but he's a lot more aware.

 

I also gave him clues to look out for, for example, 'If someone says "Uh-hunh' or similar three times in a row, it probably means they aren't interested and you should ask them something about themselves or give them a break from talking.' Having concrete rules to follow helped a lot.

 

Age 6 might be a bit young for this advice, however. I'd concentrate on the 'not interrupting' politeness aspect for now.

 

Laura

[Haiku]

I posted pretty much the same thing when ds was about that age. I don't think there is much you can do about it. My ds is 9 now and he talks a little less. Basically I have just told him, "You can talk, but that doesn't mean that I am listening. I'm not always going to respond." Then I go about my business and try to tune him out sometimes.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

Believe it or not, when the child feels they are really being listened to, the never ending chatter at YOU will cease.

 

That never worked here. Sorry to be a killjoy.

 

Tara

[asta]

That never worked here. Sorry to be a killjoy.

 

Tara

 

Bummer.

 

I enjoyed my puzzles.

 

 

A

[Word Nerd]

My older DD, an introvert like I am, came to me in tears several months ago to report that her younger sister "just won't stop talking!" Oh, how I can sympathize!

[aggieamy]

Whew. Boy I'd like an answer to this also. Little Librarian is a talker. Once last week in the car she told me that she wanted to talk but didn't have anything she thought she could talk about and asked me for a subject to talk about. Can't we just have nice silence? :tongue_smilie:

 

It has gotten better though over time. I make sure she always has a book to read in the car. That helped a lot because I like my quiet driving time.

 

I remember once when she was four or five we were driving someplace and she was just rattling on so I asked her if we could just be quiet for a few minutes and not talk. She stopped talking and then started humming. I said, no humming either. So she stopped humming and started tapping. :001_huh:

[UmmiSays]

My second son is a non stop talker. After 10-15 minutes of non stop, I started telling him that I he could tell me part 2 later on in the day. Then I had him drawing pictures and writing down what he wanted to tell me througout the day. At the end of the day he could pick the most important things from his list and he could elaborate for a set amount of time. This has helped alot since new he spend a good amout of the time drawing and creating stories to get his thoughts out.

[oneddmanybooks]

Uh, good luck with that. ... :)

 

That is exactly what came to mind!! :D

 

I read once of a mom who would say something like 'my ears are getting full.' I use this phrase OFTEN. I try to say it nicely, with a smile. I also say sometimes that she needs to put some space between her sentences.

 

I encourage dd to call her grandma or a cousin. That helps a little.

 

It helps me to think about the fact that it is her pesonality and it is the way God made her. She is so sweet! :001_wub:

[Lovin Learnin]

As someone who was a "talker" as a child...

 

Two things are going on: one, you have thoughts bombarding your senses to such a degree you feel that you must get them out or your head is going to explode and two (no one is going to like this one)...

 

You feel as if no one is listening to anything you are saying.

 

You feel insignificant. Yes, even at 6.

 

If you want to modulate a "talker", set aside some time, every day, for just you and them, in a place that has nothing to do with YOU. Don't bring a book, don't play with your cell phone, don't knit - nothing. Maybe sit at a park and ask them to tell you all about what they see. Lay on the grass and point out shapes in the clouds together.

 

Believe it or not, when the child feels they are really being listened to, the never ending chatter at YOU will cease. They'll probably still sit around making up stories about their toys, etc. - but that's just because their brain is moving at Mach 10.

 

Go to Hoagie's gifted page and look around for puzzles and such. My mom came up with some interesting complex manipulatives that really required concentration. They helped a lot.

 

 

A

 

Wow. This really hits home for me. We are a family with sensory issues. My two sons suffered so much as little boys with sensory processing dysfunction that they went through years of therapy. I probably needed therapy myself as a child, but I think my parents just assumed I would outgrow it. I didn't. One of my issues is that I have a HARD time following a lot of speech coming at me at once. I can't keep up. I tell my dh all the time to give me the important information up front because I will lose him soon after. Maybe it's ADD? Don't know. So when you say that my dear, sweet daughter might be feeling bombarded with thoughts . . . that really hits home for me. I GET that. I'm going to have to come up with a way for this kid to be able to talk AND be heard as much as she needs. Always.

[dangermom]

I sometimes say that my ears are full. I also say it at other times when, for example, we come home and are tired from something active and noisy. It's a good phrase. :001_smile:

[Dustybug]

I do focus on just her at times and let her talk to her heart's content. As I said before, I am also a talker. My mom used to call me "Jabber Jaws" as a kid. :tongue_smilie: It's not the talking really that gets me, it's the not knowing that there are times when you SHOULDN'T talk.

 

She already does puzzles a lot, reads (out loud! lol), etc.

 

Right now, I'm sitting on the couch and she is next to me. My other two children are napping, so I told her that she could pick a movie to watch while they were sleeping because we needed to be quiet so they could rest. We live in a 900 sq. ft. house and you can hear things from anywhere else in the house. So far, I've told her at least four times to stop retelling the scenes in the movie to me. :glare: I'm sitting right here watching WITH her. lol

[oneddmanybooks]

As someone who was a "talker" as a child...

 

Two things are going on: one, you have thoughts bombarding your senses to such a degree you feel that you must get them out or your head is going to explode and two (no one is going to like this one)...

 

You feel as if no one is listening to anything you are saying.

 

You feel insignificant. Yes, even at 6.

 

If you want to modulate a "talker", set aside some time, every day, for just you and them, in a place that has nothing to do with YOU. Don't bring a book, don't play with your cell phone, don't knit - nothing. Maybe sit at a park and ask them to tell you all about what they see. Lay on the grass and point out shapes in the clouds together.

 

Believe it or not, when the child feels they are really being listened to, the never ending chatter at YOU will cease. They'll probably still sit around making up stories about their toys, etc. - but that's just because their brain is moving at Mach 10.

 

Go to Hoagie's gifted page and look around for puzzles and such. My mom came up with some interesting complex manipulatives that really required concentration. They helped a lot.

 

 

A

 

There's a lot of wisdom in this post! But I can't agree that the chatter will cease. We pay a lot of attention to dd. When she talks to me, I often turn my whole body to face her and help me focus (it also helps me to avoid neck pain). We have great conversations about books, activities, the Bible, etc. But she is still very talkative. She loves to read to herself, so that definitely helps a lot. She loves puzzles and things like brain-teasers. She has lots of those.

[Lovedtodeath]

We have this problem with my 4 year old son. No one gets to have a conversation because he will interrupt you every time. I will try to set aside some time for just him and see if it helps.

[Briartell]

I recognize there are tons of reason why a kid is talkative so my advice may only help one.

 

I too was a talkative child. I was insecure and was looking for attention. I thought if I would say something great, I would be loved more. I wanted to make people genuinely laugh and get praise for something smart that I said. I was a middle child who wanted to get noticed. I had no friends outside the home. When I did find good friends, I did so much better.

 

Try praising them when they do quiet things.

 

Discover activities they can excell at that a sibling does not do. Art and dance really helped me express myself without talking. I was better at those things than my sister and I worked hard to earn genuine praise.

 

Help them find genuine friends. Maybe another talker and let them talk on the phone. Channel their talking to someone who appreciates it. Have them call grandma.

 

Talkative types tend to be creative people. Brain teasers, minute mysteries and mind benders were some of my favorite activities. My mom would have me paint my story.

 

As a family, we sometimes have quiet time and that means we must write or sign what we want to say. My kids think it is funny and we save our sanity. No one can talk but usually it starts because one child is being too noisy.

[eternalknot]

Mine are like this, too; my parents will say that I am as well LOL. Asta's post was pretty spot-on, too.

 

The thing is, sometimes they just won't get it until they're on the receiving end. I treated this as a lesson to be learned - we studied the art of conversation (it's like tennis - back and forth!), how to read body language, and learning to be comfortable with periods of silence (we started at aiming for even just five seconds of peace!)

 

To that extent, when we were out in public we'd people watch and study strangers. Sometimes I'd point out people we knew, and what I enjoyed about conversing with them and what made me re-evaluate how I conversed with others (which is code for "using the behavior of others as an example of what not to do/who to become").

 

But what it's really have to come to sometimes is this: "Honey! I love you, but I can't give you my full attention. You either need to be content to share it with {my task at hand} or to wait until I can focus on what you're saying!" -- sometimes it comes out in exasperation, sometimes much more nicely. Sometimes it causes tears, but sometimes it's not easy to teach the important lesson of respecting the needs/wishes of others. It still needs be taught, IMO.

 

I'm usually frank with my children. I had a conversation with my then-5 year old about how he was constantly going (sometimes to me, usually AT me) and that quite honestly I tuned him out about 80% of the time. Who wants to be talked AT??! Get a plant (or a blog LOL). He'd get upset that I missed hearing important stuff, but when it was muddled inbetween a bunch of unimportant "fill the silence" and "empty [his] brain" kind of stuff ... well, what did he expect, really? I'm my own person, and I'd like to have time with my own thoughts -even time to formulate one!- I don't want a running commentary of his. Even though it wasn't his intention, it's rude. It's even disrespectful. It's not who I want to send out into the world as a representative of our family. I wish him to be interesting, but able to allow others the chance to be interesting, too.

 

I used the radio as an example. When it's on in the background all day long, does he remember the last three songs we heard? No; he's aware they're playing and he knows the radio is going .. but what has he done? He's tuned out the specifics, and it's become white-noise to him. Why does he do that? Why does he think that any listener (be it to the radio, or to him) would do any differently? Or mightn't they ...? Good discussions. Not just one, a few, before it really clicked. Making relevant connections went a long way.

 

It also helped that we had an IRL example in my MIL. He tunes her out because she's always talking and usually about nothing. She is extremely uncomfortable with silence, and chatters incessently to avoid it at all costs. I grew up in a house that meditated, and even though we were a large family there were definite periods of silence - I enjoy silence. Another IRL example is my BIL, who rarely says anything; when he DOES talk, people listen. It must be important, if BIL's going to speak up about it - right? My son thought about it, and agreed with my assessment of our two relatives. I asked him to take a little self-inventory: you love them both, but who do you try to sit by at dinner? whose phone calls are you more apt to avoid?

 

I explained to him that most of us fall somewhere in between MIL and BIL. I explained that conversation truly is an art, and it needs to be taught and learned (though some are gifted in its nuances without study, most are not). I wasn't judging him, I wasn't scolding him, and I wasn't out to hurt his feelings, but I wasn't going to let this important social lesson go untaught either. I shared with him the aspects of conversation I, myself, had to work on -especially at his age- and even the parts I'm still actively working on improving. It helped that we're very close with our family, and that in general my kids aren't smart arses who'd interpret our family study as free rein to start mocking MIL.

 

I've had the same talk with three kids, two of them in the 5-6 year old age span. The third was older. All have improved, but -like me- remain works in progress LOL. At least we're all now AWARE, which really is all you can hope for :D If all else fails, start humming some Depeche Mode*. I do that with the two older kids, who roll their eyes but "get it" and reel it in LOL.

 

Be honest, even with the 6 year old. Explain to them why you're tuning them out, involve them in thinking out creative solutions so that their needs -and yours- are each met without stomping on each other's. Consider this an important life skill and lesson, that isn't inherent and takes both instruction and continued maturation. In our house, we don't listen to the radio in the car - it's talk time (unless I'm lost, then it's silence!), we also schedule full-attention talkfests during bathtime, and I spend a good 30 minutes laying down with my now-6 year old at night listening to the every thought she held in during the day ;) and they work really hard during the day to not interrupt me and my thoughts. Much like Asta suggested, we came up with a plan so that all of our needs were addressed. It's not perfect, but it's a definite improvement and we're all the better for being made more aware of others' needs.

 

*"Words like violence, break the silence,

Come crashing in, into my little world.

Painful to me, pierce right through me,

Can't you understand, oh my little girl ..."

[Haiku]

I'm going to have to come up with a way for this kid to be able to talk AND be heard as much as she needs. Always.

 

I actually disagree with this. I don't think it's ok to teach a child that they can always be heard, whenever they want. It's fine to carve out time to let a child talk, and its fine to listen with full attention when you can, but it's also important, imo, to teach kids that they can't always be the center of attention or that what they have to say is more important than anything else that's going on.

 

I have told all three of my kids, on some occasion, "I am doing this right now and you are interrupting me. You will have to wait until later to tell me." I have also said, similar to what I posted in my first post, "If you're going to talk to me know, you're going to have to understand that you don't have my full attention because I am focusing on [whatever I'm focusing on]."

 

We started listening to books on cd in the car so that they will be quiet.

 

Tara

[TranquilMind]

I'm going to listen for an answer b/c I have a 12 year old like this. He just can't seem to stop talking. I do occasionally tell him he HAS to stop b/c my brain is overwhelmed and needs a break but he only does small breaks. Sometimes I send him outside to get that energy out b/c I don't care if he talks to the trees and grass. :D

I don't think my son has ever stopped talking except for when he reads an interesting book.

[Dustybug]

Mine are like this, too; my parents will say that I am as well LOL. Asta's post was pretty spot-on, too.

 

The thing is, sometimes they just won't get it until they're on the receiving end. I treated this as a lesson to be learned - we studied the art of conversation (it's like tennis - back and forth!), how to read body language, and learning to be comfortable with periods of silence (we started at aiming for even just five seconds of peace!)

 

To that extent, when we were out in public we'd people watch and study strangers. Sometimes I'd point out people we knew, and what I enjoyed about conversing with them and what made me re-evaluate how I conversed with others (which is code for "using the behavior of others as an example of what not to do/who to become").

 

But what it's really have to come to sometimes is this: "Honey! I love you, but I can't give you my full attention. You either need to be content to share it with {my task at hand} or to wait until I can focus on what you're saying!" -- sometimes it comes out in exasperation, sometimes much more nicely. Sometimes it causes tears, but sometimes it's not easy to teach the important lesson of respecting the needs/wishes of others. It still needs be taught, IMO.

 

I'm usually frank with my children. I had a conversation with my then-5 year old about how he was constantly going (sometimes to me, usually AT me) and that quite honestly I tuned him out about 80% of the time. Who wants to be talked AT??! Get a plant (or a blog LOL). He'd get upset that I missed hearing important stuff, but when it was muddled inbetween a bunch of unimportant "fill the silence" and "empty [his] brain" kind of stuff ... well, what did he expect, really? I'm my own person, and I'd like to have time with my own thoughts -even time to formulate one!- I don't want a running commentary of his. Even though it wasn't his intention, it's rude. It's even disrespectful. It's not who I want to send out into the world as a representative of our family. I wish him to be interesting, but able to allow others the chance to be interesting, too.

 

I used the radio as an example. When it's on in the background all day long, does he remember the last three songs we heard? No; he's aware they're playing and he knows the radio is going .. but what has he done? He's tuned out the specifics, and it's become white-noise to him. Why does he do that? Why does he think that any listener (be it to the radio, or to him) would do any differently? Or mightn't they ...? Good discussions. Not just one, a few, before it really clicked. Making relevant connections went a long way.

 

It also helped that we had an IRL example in my MIL. He tunes her out because she's always talking and usually about nothing. She is extremely uncomfortable with silence, and chatters incessently to avoid it at all costs. I grew up in a house that meditated, and even though we were a large family there were definite periods of silence - I enjoy silence. Another IRL example is my BIL, who rarely says anything; when he DOES talk, people listen. It must be important, if BIL's going to speak up about it - right? My son thought about it, and agreed with my assessment of our two relatives. I asked him to take a little self-inventory: you love them both, but who do you try to sit by at dinner? whose phone calls are you more apt to avoid?

 

I explained to him that most of us fall somewhere in between MIL and BIL. I explained that conversation truly is an art, and it needs to be taught and learned (though some are gifted in its nuances without study, most are not). I wasn't judging him, I wasn't scolding him, and I wasn't out to hurt his feelings, but I wasn't going to let this important social lesson go untaught either. I shared with him the aspects of conversation I, myself, had to work on -especially at his age- and even the parts I'm still actively working on improving. It helped that we're very close with our family, and that in general my kids aren't smart arses who'd interpret our family study as free rein to start mocking MIL.

 

I've had the same talk with three kids, two of them in the 5-6 year old age span. The third was older. All have improved, but -like me- remain works in progress LOL. At least we're all now AWARE, which really is all you can hope for :D If all else fails, start humming some Depeche Mode*. I do that with the two older kids, who roll their eyes but "get it" and reel it in LOL.

 

Be honest, even with the 6 year old. Explain to them why you're tuning them out, involve them in thinking out creative solutions so that their needs -and yours- are each met without stomping on each other's. Consider this an important life skill and lesson, that isn't inherent and takes both instruction and continued maturation. In our house, we don't listen to the radio in the car - it's talk time (unless I'm lost, then it's silence!), we also schedule full-attention talkfests during bathtime, and I spend a good 30 minutes laying down with my now-6 year old at night listening to the every thought she held in during the day ;) and they work really hard during the day to not interrupt me and my thoughts. Much like Asta suggested, we came up with a plan so that all of our needs were addressed. It's not perfect, but it's a definite improvement and we're all the better for being made more aware of others' needs.

 

*"Words like violence, break the silence,

Come crashing in, into my little world.

Painful to me, pierce right through me,

Can't you understand, oh my little girl ..."

 

Thank you for this post. Lots to think on....

My DD is an extremely sensitive child though and I hate hurting her feelings. This is probably why I've avoided being direct with her.

 

I actually disagree with this. I don't think it's ok to teach a child that they can always be heard, whenever they want. It's fine to carve out time to let a child talk, and its fine to listen with full attention when you can, but it's also important, imo, to teach kids that they can't always be the center of attention or that what they have to say is more important than anything else that's going on.

 

I have told all three of my kids, on some occasion, "I am doing this right now and you are interrupting me. You will have to wait until later to tell me." I have also said, similar to what I posted in my first post, "If you're going to talk to me know, you're going to have to understand that you don't have my full attention because I am focusing on [whatever I'm focusing on]."

 

We started listening to books on cd in the car so that they will be quiet.

 

Tara

 

:iagree:

[Amy in NH]

 

Be honest, even with the 6 year old. Explain to them why you're tuning them out, involve them in thinking out creative solutions so that their needs -and yours- are each met without stomping on each other's.

 

I call it "verbal diarrhea". I tell them when they are overstimulating me, or that I need time to think my own thoughts without being interrupted, or that they don't have to tell me every single thought that comes into their head. If they are interrupting a quiet time, I ask them if what they are about to tell me is really very important. If it's not really very important, or it's a story, etc. I tell them to go write it down. My kids did some amazing writing at the ages of 5 & 6 using invented spelling. So cute~! Of course we teach proper spelling during our lessons, but I never correct invented spelling done during free time.

[kalanamak]

Hobbes is a talker. I did role playing with him about how to have a conversation (rather than just a monologue). He really hadn't noticed that other people didn't narrate their lives constantly. He still talks a lot, but he's a lot more aware.

 

My son loves doing such roleplaying, and it did help. What I'd like to cure even more is the "why are you doing that" and "what?!?" every time I sigh or groan or wrinkle my eyebrows. I now understand why my mother was so stone faced while trying to get something done. A pack of nosy children trained her poker-face.

[CroppinIt]

I used the radio as an example. When it's on in the background all day long, does he remember the last three songs we heard? No; he's aware they're playing and he knows the radio is going .. but what has he done? He's tuned out the specifics, and it's become white-noise to him. Why does he do that? Why does he think that any listener (be it to the radio, or to him) would do any differently? Or mightn't they ...? Good discussions. Not just one, a few, before it really clicked. Making relevant connections went a long way.

 

It also helped that we had an IRL example in my MIL. He tunes her out because she's always talking and usually about nothing. She is extremely uncomfortable with silence, and chatters incessently to avoid it at all costs. I grew up in a house that meditated, and even though we were a large family there were definite periods of silence - I enjoy silence. Another IRL example is my BIL, who rarely says anything; when he DOES talk, people listen. It must be important, if BIL's going to speak up about it - right? My son thought about it, and agreed with my assessment of our two relatives. I asked him to take a little self-inventory: you love them both, but who do you try to sit by at dinner? whose phone calls are you more apt to avoid?

 

 

Love these! Loved the whole post, actually. Thank you so much!

[Hedgehogs4]

My DS 10 is like this. Still. and I agree that giving focused time may help them feel heard, but it does NOT stop the chatter. :glare: Sorry. I call it a "fill-up"--time for them to snuggle, talk, ask questions, etc. Sometimes car conversations work for him. When we are in the car he is constant chatter. His poor sister cannot get a word in edge-wise, and I worry that SHE is the one who will feel as if she is not heard. I have to be careful to give her one-on-one time so she can chatter if she needs to. Thankfully she is sometimes just content to be her quiet, sweet self.

 

At about the age you are describing, I discussed with my son that he was given a gift that many people do not have, that being his ability to communicate and engage people in conversation. However, using the gift all the time was not good stewardship, and that in fact, people stop listening when they hear you talking too much. His eyes about popped out of his head! When I framed it as something he needed to tend to and treasure rather than something that was a nuisance to people around him, he was much more able to receive our training on how to be a good communicator. He understands that he talks a lot, and since he wants to be heard, he is learning to save what is important for when we can actually listen. I also ask him to tell me if it is really important or not so I can stop and focus. It also gets him to evaluate if it's something that really needs to be said.

 

I also validate him by reminding him that I was the same way when I was a kid and I had to learn, but that my family was not always very nice to me about it, and I walked away wounded and feeling as if no one ever listened. My brain is always going 100 miles an hour too, and so is my son's. I try to let him know that I want to listen and hear him, but I reach a point at which I literally cannot hear him. literally. I shut down. People will talk to me and I will not reply because I don't realize they are talking. I need space. Talking about these things helps him to understand and not be hurt by what is happening but to understand it.

 

Extraverted, intelligent, and talkative children are a very high-maintenance combination, but they turn into really great adults, I think! :001_smile:

[sewgirlie]

Thank you, Dustybug, for asking such a great question! We struggle with this at our house too, so I've really enjoyed the replies.

 

We even had to make a rule that no one could say anything from the time we put our coats on, until we were at the end of the driveway when we were going to town. Otherwise, I kept forgetting things. I couldn't think straight with them chattering at me.

 

Also, we have them put their hand on us when they need to say something and we're talking to someone else. When they do this, I take their hand and hold it until I can ask them what they need. That way they know I haven't forgotten them.

 

Last week I sat our 3 and 6 year old in dining room chairs facing the couch while I read to them. Just so they could practice sitting still and being quiet for their sister's upcoming play. It did help some, but I think we need to do it more often. A Lot More Often :D.

[runmiarun]

My 6 year old NEVER.STOPS.TALKING. Even in his sleep. Add the constant running commentary on everything he's doing and watching, I'm loosing my mind. Seriously, he will be great on tv. He can do color commentary better than most of the tv people. When he's taking a bath, he tells you every step along the way and what it feels like and starts telling you stories about other bath times (his and his favorite cartoon friends as well). He walks around talking as if tv cameras we're following him. And we don't even have a tv.

[Pink and Green Mom]

Thank you for all the great advice here. My younger son is what we refer to as the "Talker Stalker". I can't wait to share this thread with DH.

[Ecclecticmum]

Right, I can now say I have tried pretty much all the suggestions on this thread

 

AND>........

 

 

......I'm broken. :svengo:

 

Tried teaching about inner thoughts and voicing thoughts, tried understanding from her angle, tried to get her siblings involved in the conversation for back and forth banter.

 

Nope, she's a one person role-playing machine. :willy_nilly:

 

TWO HOURS of me conversing with her in her varied role-play scenarios (mostly princesses going to the ball, and her "doing" (aka knotting) my hair, all the while keeping up a running commentary, telling me what to say, me role-playing.

 

At the end of the two - hour (did I mention this went on for two hours? :001_huh: :lol: ) I tried another tactic. Why don't you draw your story or what your feeling, be FREE! with the paper and pen! be at one! write your thoughts down......obviously she took this literally, as she then proceeded to go "I am the husband writing to my madly in love wife, this is the paper I am writing on and I am making a wonderful drawing for her to cherish...yada yada, yada yada. And on and on it went whilst she was drawing.

 

So it came down to last resorts "Darling, mummy loves you and your wonderfully interesting dialogue, but mummy needs a rest from the constant conversation, can you please not talk for a bit, sweetie?" "*in deep mans voice* Oh, but I have to give this drawing to the lovely lady I met, here you go madam" and she hands a beautiful drawing accentuated with a billion hearts to me. NAWWWW.

 

We did a mini on-the-spot science lesson on anatomy of different animals by labelling her drawings....then.....

 

By the end of it, I went back to my old habit "darling, mummy needs to plan school stuff, why don't you take mummys pen and paper and go into the dining room (aka other side of the house) and fill up the WHOLE book with wonderful drawings?

 

*5 minutes later barely heard from other side of the house* mutter...muttter...blah blah blah....mutter mutter....kings...queens....castle....princess.....fairy mermaid....letter....drawing....drawing.

:lol:

 

Well, you can't say I didn't give it a go.

[asta]

Kids who are "non-stop talkers" normally fall into the Analytic Learner category. If you look at the link, they are often fascinated by building things, as it focuses their mind.

 

One of the toys I loved the most was a set of building cards such as these.

 

 

a

[Lovedtodeath]

You are so helpful Asta. :thumbup1:

 

That is funny, I noticed that DS quiets down overall when he has puzzles and/or train tracks out.

[ezrabean2005]

After a long time of non-stop talking, I respond as nicely as possible with a smile and in a gentle voice and say, "Okay, I need you to stop talking now."

 

It works...for about two minutes :)

[Laura Corin]

How about using plays? Introduce them as, 'I love how expressive you are, but there's a skill we all have to work on as we get older, and that's listening to others and giving them time to speak. That's what people in plays do, so we are going to look at how that works.' Just don't let her read the stage directions aloud!

 

Laura

[Dustybug]

My DS 10 is like this. Still. and I agree that giving focused time may help them feel heard, but it does NOT stop the chatter. :glare: Sorry. I call it a "fill-up"--time for them to snuggle, talk, ask questions, etc. Sometimes car conversations work for him. When we are in the car he is constant chatter. His poor sister cannot get a word in edge-wise, and I worry that SHE is the one who will feel as if she is not heard. I have to be careful to give her one-on-one time so she can chatter if she needs to. Thankfully she is sometimes just content to be her quiet, sweet self.

 

At about the age you are describing, I discussed with my son that he was given a gift that many people do not have, that being his ability to communicate and engage people in conversation. However, using the gift all the time was not good stewardship, and that in fact, people stop listening when they hear you talking too much. His eyes about popped out of his head! When I framed it as something he needed to tend to and treasure rather than something that was a nuisance to people around him, he was much more able to receive our training on how to be a good communicator. He understands that he talks a lot, and since he wants to be heard, he is learning to save what is important for when we can actually listen. I also ask him to tell me if it is really important or not so I can stop and focus. It also gets him to evaluate if it's something that really needs to be said.

 

I also validate him by reminding him that I was the same way when I was a kid and I had to learn, but that my family was not always very nice to me about it, and I walked away wounded and feeling as if no one ever listened. My brain is always going 100 miles an hour too, and so is my son's. I try to let him know that I want to listen and hear him, but I reach a point at which I literally cannot hear him. literally. I shut down. People will talk to me and I will not reply because I don't realize they are talking. I need space. Talking about these things helps him to understand and not be hurt by what is happening but to understand it.

 

Extraverted, intelligent, and talkative children are a very high-maintenance combination, but they turn into really great adults, I think! :001_smile:

 

I love this idea! Thanks for sharing it! My DD is intelligent and talkative, but is actually quite introverted around people outside the family. :001_huh:

 

 

 

Asta---thanks for those links! The analytical learner description actually fits my DD perfectly!

[Wyndie]

I don't think my son has ever stopped talking except for when he reads an interesting book.

 

Same here...only then my son STARTS his morning by giving me a detailed report of the book he read the night before at bedtime. :smash:

 

Thank you for all the great advice here. My younger son is what we refer to as the "Talker Stalker". I can't wait to share this thread with DH.

 

Ok, that's just an awesome phrase for the situation....talker stalker. :lol:

 

Asta, thank you for all the links. You've helped me see things from my son's perspective and I am grateful!