momofkhm Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 How do you deal with a room for them? We're looking at the real need to move dh's folks down to us and in with us. We will need to buy a new house to accommodate them. I've already figured that we'll buy a house and then build an addition for an apartment for them. (Some of you helped me with that decision.) But I figure this new house won't appear within the next 12 months, more like in the 5 year plan. That means I will have one or more kids in college. If we moved now, I'd look for a 4 bedroom so each of the kids could have their own. But if I have one or more in college, do I need a bedroom for them? Finding a 3 bedroom is so much easier! My parents were in the same house from 3rd grade until after my second child was born so I have no idea how my kids will feel. DH's parents moved from east coast to west coast back to east coast while he was in college and grad school. But he's an only child so they always had a room for him. I figure with our numbers here someone must have moved while you were in college or while your kids are in college and know what the kids feel like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choirfarm Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I will share my in-laws experience. They moved while my husband was in med school ( we were engaged), middle one was at aTm and youngest was at Baylor. They had to keep par of their stuff with them when they moved in the summer in the apartment since the girls were with them. But then they had boxes in a storage facility labeled aTm and Baylor, etc. It was a nightmare. They chose to still build a 4 bedroom house with a big study and formal dining and living. I thought they were nuts. I couldn'g understand why in the world they were getting such a big house when they were about to have an empty nest. However, boy has it been nice for all of the holidays. The youngest and her daughter, the middle one and her three kids ( 16, 14 and 7) and my 3 kids (16, 14, and 10) can all stay there quite comfortably. They have kept all of the original furniture in pristine condition as well as every single toy ( an old Alamo set) with ALL PIECES in pristine condition. I'm not sure how my mil did that!!! Anyway, also think about your kids coming back to stay with their families. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 DH and I talked about that a little. I want to move out of this house but the lower house value is preventing us from doing it. But as soon as the value goes up, I'm out of here! One thing I don't like about this house is that it is too small. The bedrooms are really small and the kids barely fit into them. However, in 5 years, they will be 25, 20, and 18. Will we need rooms for them? My thought is that as long as they are unmarried, I should have room for them to stay if needed. At this point, I'm thinking only my middle child will actually need to stay. He has Aspergers and probably won't even graduate high school until age 19. We have no idea what path he might take after that. But surely my oldest will have an established home of her own. But really? And the youngest plans to be in college at age 18, living in a dorm. She'll come home, but how often? I decided I will stick with a 4 BR home just in case. At the very least, the 2 youngest will still need private bedrooms and the 4th BR can be more of a guest room, and hopefully a place for bookshelves which we cannot fit into our home right now. However, if my oldest is not in a place to afford being on her own, that room will hers completely. It really bothers me to think my kids who don't live at home full-time would have to sleep on the sofa. It feels like I'm writing them off and expecting them to be on their own whether they can succeed or not. I shouldn't own that problem, but I can't help it. I was very thankful my mom had room for me when my first marriage ended. I couldn't have afforded to live on my own and there was no one else that could have taken me in. It certainly is not an easy decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blessed3x Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 We are going through this right now. We have 2 dd's in college who come home a couple of times a year, but when they do it is usually for a week +/- at a time. While at college they share a townhouse and have their own space. DH just accepted a job 9 hours away and we are looking at houses up there. We currently have a 4 bedroom 2800 sq foot house on an acre of land. We have talked about downsizing and 3 bedrooms are easier to find. BUT.... when dd's come home and looking down the road to when they are married and have a family I would like the space to have all of them at home. KNIM? I doubt this helps you in your decision, but it is my way of thinking. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My parents moved while I was in my junior year of college. I really appreciated having a room that was mine when I went home. The room doubled as my dad's office when I was gone. It had a daybed, dresser and closet that were mine. Also, my books on some of the shelves. Feeling I had a place of my own in their new location made it home to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I will share my in-laws experience. They moved while my husband was in med school ( we were engaged), middle one was at aTm and youngest was at Baylor. They had to keep par of their stuff with them when they moved in the summer in the apartment since the girls were with them. But then they had boxes in a storage facility labeled aTm and Baylor, etc. It was a nightmare. They chose to still build a 4 bedroom house with a big study and formal dining and living. I thought they were nuts. I couldn'g understand why in the world they were getting such a big house when they were about to have an empty nest. However, boy has it been nice for all of the holidays. The youngest and her daughter, the middle one and her three kids ( 16, 14 and 7) and my 3 kids (16, 14, and 10) can all stay there quite comfortably. They have kept all of the original furniture in pristine condition as well as every single toy ( an old Alamo set) with ALL PIECES in pristine condition. I'm not sure how my mil did that!!! Anyway, also think about your kids coming back to stay with their families. This is our plan. If we can afford it, I hope we always have a 5 bedroom home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 We didn't have a choice in our recent move since Bill's a pastor and a parsonage is part of his "package." The house almost fits us, but not quite. And when oldest dd is home for college, she shares a room with two of her sisters. Her bed is a daybed with drawers underneath. We call their room the Diva Dorm, and when they're wrangling or space and privacy, it certainly is an appropriate name! While there are parts of the house I really like, leaving our home in Charlottesville was hard. I had to give up those dreams of my kids bringing home grandkids to the same home where they grew up. At this point, I'm trying to wrap my heart around my conviction that this house (in C-ville or Raleigh) isn't my true home. I'm a sojourner with an eye toward my ultimate home, a citizen of another land. But, it's still hard. Anyway, that's a bit off track. I feel like I need to have a bed for each of the kids until they are married or have established households. I don't care about them each having their own room; they never have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My parents moved when I was a freshman in college. I no longer had a bedroom, but would sleep in the guest room or in my younger sister's room. It was fine--I was only getting older and more independent, and spending less time at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leav97 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I will share my in-laws experience. They moved while my husband was in med school ( we were engaged), middle one was at aTm and youngest was at Baylor. They had to keep par of their stuff with them when they moved in the summer in the apartment since the girls were with them. But then they had boxes in a storage facility labeled aTm and Baylor, etc. It was a nightmare. They chose to still build a 4 bedroom house with a big study and formal dining and living. I thought they were nuts. I couldn'g understand why in the world they were getting such a big house when they were about to have an empty nest. However, boy has it been nice for all of the holidays. The youngest and her daughter, the middle one and her three kids ( 16, 14 and 7) and my 3 kids (16, 14, and 10) can all stay there quite comfortably. They have kept all of the original furniture in pristine condition as well as every single toy ( an old Alamo set) with ALL PIECES in pristine condition. I'm not sure how my mil did that!!! Anyway, also think about your kids coming back to stay with their families. My in-laws did the opposite. They downsized to a 2 bedroom house. It's hard for any of the kids to stay overnight and impossible for all of us to be there overnight. (I personally think that was the goal.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMWB Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My parents have a 3 bedroom house, and three kids, spaced out over 12 years - I'm the oldest. I had my own room, as soon as I moved out - as in that very day - my younger sister moved into my room and my brother stayed in the room that they had shared up till that point. I pretty much took all of my personal belongings with me except maybe for a box or two in the garage. The furniture was my parents and they kept it as I didn't need any (moved into a sorority house). When I came home I slept on the twin bunk in my brothers room, or on the couch. It was not really that big of a deal at all. The one thing they did that as a parent I 'get' but as a 'daughter' still makes me a bit sad, is that about a month or two after I moved out, they let my sister and brother each pick out a kitten. I am allergic to cats. That makes me feel kind of annoyed, even today because both cats are still there even though sister and brother both are out of the house. But I deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauranc Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 How do you deal with a room for them? We're looking at the real need to move dh's folks down to us and in with us. We will need to buy a new house to accommodate them. I've already figured that we'll buy a house and then build an addition for an apartment for them. (Some of you helped me with that decision.) But I figure this new house won't appear within the next 12 months, more like in the 5 year plan. That means I will have one or more kids in college. If we moved now, I'd look for a 4 bedroom so each of the kids could have their own. But if I have one or more in college, do I need a bedroom for them? Finding a 3 bedroom is so much easier! My parents were in the same house from 3rd grade until after my second child was born so I have no idea how my kids will feel. DH's parents moved from east coast to west coast back to east coast while he was in college and grad school. But he's an only child so they always had a room for him. I figure with our numbers here someone must have moved while you were in college or while your kids are in college and know what the kids feel like. after my older brother went to college, my parents got divorced. My mom and I moved into a 2 bedroom townhouse (temporarily) and that first time my brother came home for a visit, there was no bedroom for him. My mom said that was one of the worst mistakes she ever made. It really affected my brother... he felt pushed out ---in a way. So, I wouldn't recommend getting just a 3 bedroom. Maybe look for a 3 bedroom with a bonus?? or 3 bedroom with a small office?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 When DS20 first went off to college, we repainted the room he had shared with DS16 and removed one of the twin beds to give DS16 more room. When DS20 comes home from college, he sleeps in the guest room, which really works well because it is a queen-bed and has it's own bathroom. The only hiccup we had was Thanksgiving this year, but he gratiously gave up the guest room to his grandparents and slept on the couch. DS20 still has quite a bit of stuff left here in a closet, but it's not a problem. I would have no problem downsizing eventually as the older kids move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My mother moved while I was in college. I did not have a room at the new house. She did have a guest bedroom, and that's where I slept when I visited. I'd probably have just shared with my younger sis if there hadn't been a guest room, and that would have been ok. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 dh and i go for the 90% solution. so 90% of the time, our house size works. this year for christmas, dd and her husband came, adult other dd came, my mom came..... people were sleeping everywhere. however, everyone had a bed. elders and couples had their own rooms. it worked, we had fun, i am glad i am not heating and cooling and cleaning a house where everyone could have their own room for 2 weeks a year, kwim? hth, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Yes, you do need a bedroom for the college child unless he or she is use to sharing a room. The dc will be home for holidays and summer vacation which can add up to about 5 months out of the year. In an ideal world, all of our children get full scholarships to wonderful universities, but in reality your child might decide to go to the local college to save on costs, yet another reason to have a bedroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My parents moved while I was in my freshman year of college. They moved from New Jersey to Kentucky. Talk about a major move! I only went home for one summer during college and could never afford to fly home during holidays, so I didn't need a room. My parents tried to keep most of my stuff in storage for me or at least asked about as much of it as they could. I was an adult. I had put on my big girl pants and it didn't bother me a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 Yes, you do need a bedroom for the college child unless he or she is use to sharing a room. The dc will be home for holidays and summer vacation which can add up to about 5 months out of the year. In an ideal world, all of our children get full scholarships to wonderful universities, but in reality your child might decide to go to the local college to save on costs, yet another reason to have a bedroom. I don't think each kid needs their own room, but otherwise I agree with you. And some of this depends on what dynamic you want to foster in your adult children. I think, barring true necessity, I'd bawl my eyes out on a regular basis if any of my kids only visited 2 weeks out of the year. :'( I don't expect daily calls or visits, but I would like them to visit way more than that if at all possible. And I know from personal mom experience, having a free place for my family to bunk can make all the difference in how often a person visits grandparents, if at all. Other parents HATE the idea of a house full of their kids, kid's wife and children visiting all the time and purposely buy a small home or even rent an apartment or condo bc they do not want to encourage that. I don't really get why they feel that way about their adult children, but I know there are plenty like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My parents considered a major move my first year of college. My dad ended up not taking the job because of serious negotiation problems (he'd had his own business a long time, he probably would have had a lot of trouble had he taken the job). However, I was really upset with the possibility. I'd lived in the same area my whole life and they were talking about moving from a midAtlantic state to Texas. I was completely stressed out at school (highly competitive university with a known suicide issue) and I needed to know I had a base. So, yes if I were moving while my own dc were in college, I'd make sure they had a room. My brother had a friend who came home for Thanksgiving his first year away and his parents had emptied his furniture and turned his bedroom into an office (no bed, whatsoever). They told him to sleep on the couch in the living room. He was OK with it. That would have totally unhinged me, but he was a different person. I think you have to gage how your dc will react at the time. Where they are emotionally, how independent have they become. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 How do you deal with a room for them? We're looking at the real need to move dh's folks down to us and in with us. We will need to buy a new house to accommodate them. I've already figured that we'll buy a house and then build an addition for an apartment for them. (Some of you helped me with that decision.) But I figure this new house won't appear within the next 12 months, more like in the 5 year plan. That means I will have one or more kids in college. If we moved now, I'd look for a 4 bedroom so each of the kids could have their own. But if I have one or more in college, do I need a bedroom for them? Finding a 3 bedroom is so much easier! My parents were in the same house from 3rd grade until after my second child was born so I have no idea how my kids will feel. DH's parents moved from east coast to west coast back to east coast while he was in college and grad school. But he's an only child so they always had a room for him. I figure with our numbers here someone must have moved while you were in college or while your kids are in college and know what the kids feel like. My folks moved while I was in college. They did not consider the college kids in the bedroom setup. I wasn't offended. There was a space in the basement bedroom for guests and that's where I slept when I visited. It was good. It was odd only the first visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I think, barring true necessity, I'd bawl my eyes out on a regular basis if any of my kids only visited 2 weeks out of the year. :'( I don't expect daily calls or visits, but I would like them to visit way more than that if at all possible. me, too. a lot. but it all depends on where their life takes them.... and me! we are a highly mobile family, with immediate family in several different countries, and its hard. we count our blessings that even with our oldest and her dh living in Canada, we still get to see one another several times a year. however, i am the child who doesn't go home for more than that. my folks are in Canada, too, but in a different part than our eldest, and they only get to see me there once every other year. they come down on the off years, so i am the one responsible for the once a year thing. with children, its simply too expensive to go more often than that. but it is only 2 weeks a year that all our adult children and their significant others and some number of grandparents converge on our house simultaneously. so while we have room to add in another family, we only need room to add in several other families at the same time for 4% of the time. thank goodness for skype! ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I was an adult. I had put on my big girl pants and it didn't bother me a bit. :iagree: :lol: My mother moved while I was in college TWICE. She made room for me when I came home and was respectful of the need to store my stuff and talk to me about what to do with it, but I understood it wasn't my real home anymore. No big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 we just moved and have 2 boys in college (and another living at home in cc). Anyway, when the boys came home at Thanksgiving we took them to the house and talked about making them feel like this is their home. This was very important to me because I always want my kids to know they can come home. I originally thought they would take the bigger basement bed-room w/ its own bath to share, but they both said that being upstairs w/ the other bedrooms would make them feel more like part of the fam. My 20 yr old dd, who is at cc, took the downstairs room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 I figure with our numbers here someone must have moved while you were in college or while your kids are in college and know what the kids feel like. My parents moved to South Carolina while my sister and I were in college in Texas. We never again had a dedicated room at their house. We could go and visit whenever, sure. But there was no room that was "ours" I never felt left out. OTOH both of us were out of the house at the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in the UP of MI Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My IL's added to their home while I was dating dh (his first year away at college as a junior and his brother's first year away as well). They still had three kids at home, so for them it was a little different. Their home was a 3 bedroom, one bath home, and the addition added a living room, one bedroom, and another bathroom. Since then they have adopted one more child, so the older girls, one now in her first year of college but still at home, each have their own room and the boys still at home share. It is *really* nice to have so much space when we come to visit. The girls (19 this week and 15) go back to sharing and my oldest stays with them. My oldest ds shares with the boys (14 and 9) and we get the extra room to ourselves. So, don't just think about what your kids will need during college (a room doesn't matter too much then) but about visits when they are married and have a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 :iagree: :lol: My mother moved while I was in college TWICE. She made room for me when I came home and was respectful of the need to store my stuff and talk to me about what to do with it, but I understood it wasn't my real home anymore. No big deal. So, while you were in college, did you consider that to be your "real home?" I didn't go home much and my parents moved while I was in college, but it was to a larger home. I was separating from my childhood/adolescence and don't really recall feeling the need to have a "real home." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 My parents moved when I was sort of in college, living away from home at least. It didn't T bother me at all that I no longer had a room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 16, 2012 Share Posted January 16, 2012 We will probably move while (or shortly after) ours are in college. We plan to keep the same number of rooms as we want each to have their own guest room when they come to visit with their families some day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 After I posted this in the morning, I actually talked with my oldest about it. She's a junior and likely to be the one displaced. She was very pragmatic about it. It would depend on what year in college and then where she went. If she was junior or senior, no she doesn't need a room, just a space. If we happen to get her sister a double bed, she'll just sleep in there. (Wonder what middle child thinks of that. :tongue_smilie:) But if she was a freshman and going to college close to home, she would want her own room. Not close to home - she's share her sister's room again. But what I'm hearing from most of you is that she will need a place to sleep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Under most conditions, I would not consider keeping a large, 5-bedroom home just so my five children have a place to stay with their families over the years when they come home for the holidays... I mean, that would be wonderful, but to me not logical! (Of course there are exceptions!) We are a very, very close-knit, but highly mobile (someone else used that term and I liked it :) ) and fluctuating family. Usually we have two kids out of the state or even the country at once, and another older one suddenly home for six months, or sometimes even an adult child and spouse living with us for a few months. And of course our two youngest are still living at home full-time. We have spent every other year for the past five years away from home, sometimes in bigger places, sometimes in smaller places. Our home -- wherever we are -- is still home for my adult children, and I always make sure they have a special spot that is their own if they come home for a week or for a year. I cannot guarantee they'll have their own room, just their own "spot" -- bed, place to put their clothes, etc. I had one child living/sleeping on our upstairs sleeping porch for five months, another living in our den with a simple room divider giving them a little privacy. We are a family of 7, although 9 now with the two oldest being married. My kids don't have a problem with this arrangement at all, although we've always lived this way. Don't know if this helps you in your decision, but at least it's one way to look at it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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