Too young to marry? How 'young' were you?

[WiseOwlKnits]

I was 23 and DH was 25 when we got married. We're celebrating our 10th anniversary in a couple of months. MIL was 17 when she got married. She and FIL have been married for 45+ years. GMIL was 16 if I remember right when she got married. She was happily married until GFIL died.

[kat19]

I was 19 and dh was 22. We have been married for 16 years :001_smile:

[Tap]

Dh and I were both 22, but started dating at 18. We didn't casually date, it was a serious relationship from the start. We had both sowed many, many wild oats before getting married (we both drank/did drugs for several years before we met, but had both pretty much stopped at 18). We were heavy metal kids in the 80s, we lived hard and fast. By 22, we were ready to settle down and have kids.

 

We have been together for 22 years.....and honestly our age at the beginning has only helped us, not hurt. I think one advantage, is that you grow up together. You understand so many of each others scars as you age, because you were there during the rough times and good times. There is much, much less baggage brought into a relationship, because the couple isn't comparing the current relationship to an old one. There isn't the history with relationships that have gone bad, or bad habits formed. They are starting out with a fairly clean slate, which can be a really nice place to be.

 

 

Of our friends who have married young, I can say they have some of the strongest relationships I know of.

[hollyh]

Married when I just turned 21. Started dating right after I turned 18 - and "waited". Been married 11 years.

I don't think it is an age issue as much as a maturity issue and understanding of what marriage truly is, commitment, integrity, etc. How long have they been together? Are they still in an infatuation stage?

Being in the military will put extra strain on an already young marriage... but who's to say they won't survive that? I think a lot comes down to their upbringing and their own character.

[DaffodilDreams]

I was almost 23. Although we're still married after 16 yrs, if I could go back in time and talk to myself, I would tell myself that was too young.

Edited December 6, 2011 by kimmie38017

[annandatje]

... I think the "waiting for marriage" part is detrimental to many a young person's decision making processes. It is probably pushing them to marry faster than they know is practical and optimal. It's a fact of life that lust can rule your decisions even when you think you're smarter than that.

 

Bottom line: If it were my kid, and they asked what I thought, I'd be honest tell them it's a dumb idea to marry so young, that I think they should move in together and give the relationship a test drive, but that in the end, that is their decision to make. Then, I'd shut up and never mention it again. It's not my life to live.

 

:iagree:

 

Additionally, commitment by both parties to make relationship work is more important than maturity.

[Rosie_0801]

I'd be asking the naysayers what they planned to do to help the young couple stay married. Armchair b****ing doesn't help anyone and isn't pleasant company.

 

Dh and I moved in together when I was 22 and he was 26. He was a bit too young, despite having moved out of home almost a decade earlier. I'd been out of home for two years. We'll hit 10 years in May some time. (I must be the only woman around who can't remember exactly which day her anniversary is :lol:)

 

I don't think I'd mind my kids marrying in their early 20's, but I'd want to hear they planned to wait before starting a family. A few kids will slow you down and it'd be good to get the worst kinks ironed out before you are too sleep deprived to use your "inside voice" in times of stress...

 

For various reasons, dh and I didn't get through uni quickly enough so we never had a period of time together when we had plenty of money and no kids. His young fun was through the church youth group on campus, which he enjoyed, but didn't have to organise. I did most of my gallivanting while I was working before I went to uni. It would have been nice had we been able to share more of that stage. But you know how it is, when the "right" time to have kids comes, knowing it'd be more sensible to wait until you are 40 doesn't stop you. :)

 

Rosie

Edited December 6, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[coralloyd]

I had just turned 20, a week before. We are on year 12. Love that man!

[sheryl]

DH and I were both 23 1/2.

 

Truly it depends on how "mature" the couple is....actually how mature EACH person is. Are they emotionally mature? Financially independent of parents? In other words, and I'm sure this is not the case, you would not want your dd marrying a young man whose still attached to apron strings.

[Twilight Woods]

I got married a week after my 24th birthday. We were together for 1 year prior. We just celebrated 12 years.

[funschooler5]

I was 22, DH was 23. We've been happily married for 15 years. :001_smile:

 

Eighteen would have been too young for me, but everyone is different. My aunt and uncle got married when they were 16, and they just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. I think what really matters is if she's found the right person.

[BarbecueMom]

I don't really understand it when people say that being married keeps you from, say, traveling the world. Unless you were planning on going all by yourself, having your spouse along shouldn't be too different from going with a group of friends - or you go with your spouse AND your friends. After dh and I started dating, I didn't want to travel the world without him - but I would have liked to travel it with him, someday. Hopefully I will. :) Kids do, however, throw a wrench in world traveling plans...

 

I don't understand the "travel the world before you marry" plans, either. I have a serious fear of flying (I have recurring nightmares of plane crashes at least once a month), so there would have been no "world travel" going on before marriage. I'm hoping by the time my kids are raised they offer flights to Europe with on-board sedation.

[JaniceO]

I got engaged when I was 18 and we got married 12 days after I turned 19. He was 20 when we got engaged and 21 when we got married. We'll be married 16 years next month.

[Mimm]

I was 19, engaged on my 18th birthday. People were very rude about it while I was engaged. I had someone ask if I was pregnant. Many other people told me I'd regret it, that it wouldn't last, etc. Looking back, I agree that I may have been too young and it might have been better to gain some maturity before stepping into a marriage. However, most of all, I'm in disbelief at how amazingly inconsiderate, nosy and pushy people were about it. We've been married 11 years and still going strong.

[amayla]

I was 19 when I got married. I remember hearing a lot of negative comments about it from our families and friends. We've been married almost 11 years now.

[DarlaS]

I was almost 22 (My birthday is 19 days after our anniversary.).

[violingirl]

We were married at 19 and 21, and will be married 11 years in a few months. Age is certainly not the only factor that determines the risk of divorce.

[AnnaM]

I was engaged at 17 and married a few months after I turned 18. I am sure that some thought we were young but it has worked for us. We are 10.5 years and rolling!

[DusksAngel]

I was 24 (two weeks from 25) and dh was 22 (just turned, 2 weeks before). We've been married 9 years now. My uncle told us that the hardest thing we'd have to do was learn to be married. We had to learn to trust and depend on each other, to figure out who was going to pay the bills, etc. Luckily we had talked about many things before we got married, but it was still HARD work.

[WarriorMama]

I was 20, he was 23. It's worked well for us. :)

[weddell]

I was 22 and dh was 23. So not as young as many here, but very young for our peer group. We started dating when we were 18 during the first week of college. We both studied abroad during college and so spent 6 months on different continents. We got engaged our senior year and married 9 months after college graduation. We lived together those 9 months and had moved across the country from our families to attend grad school.

 

We were always the people who stayed in together rather than going out to party in college. People always assumed we would get married. We often got comments from friends that they thought young marriage was a bad idea except for us. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think what really helped us was that we didn't have kids until I was 27. Those years without kids were really great for growing up and gave us time to just be together. Kids are STRESSFUL and hard on a marriage. We had time to go to grad school, finish (or quit!) grad school, re-enroll in grad school and finish and have good jobs before having kids. If we'd had kids early we would not be in the secure financial position we are today.

[ErinE]

We have been together for 22 years.....and honestly our age at the beginning has only helped us, not hurt. I think one advantage, is that you grow up together. You understand so many of each others scars as you age, because you were there during the rough times and good times. There is much, much less baggage brought into a relationship, because the couple isn't comparing the current relationship to an old one. There isn't the history with relationships that have gone bad, or bad habits formed. They are starting out with a fairly clean slate, which can be a really nice place to be.

 

This is a big reason why I'm glad dh and I married young. Although we both had serious relationships before meeting each other, it wasn't years of multiple partners. Whatever drama we had, we worked out between the two of us. The ghosts of relationships past didn't haunt us.

 

Friends who married much later were not only more set in their ways, they also tended to bring lots of baggage to the marriage. I had to advise a close friend who married at 31 that just because the last three boyfriends might have been candidates for involuntary commitments, her current husband is a great guy. All her complaints about him were shades of "what if he turns out like the last guy?"

[jar7709]

I think what really helped us was that we didn't have kids until I was 27. Those years without kids were really great for growing up and gave us time to just be together. Kids are STRESSFUL and hard on a marriage. We had time to go to grad school, finish (or quit!) grad school, re-enroll in grad school and finish and have good jobs before having kids. If we'd had kids early we would not be in the secure financial position we are today.

 

Me, too. I was 23 and DH was 24. It was a few years after that that my other close friends from college started getting married. We waited to have kids until I was 28 and that was a wonderful few years for us, because we were able to get our feet under us and have some youthful adventures. With that said--if circumstances were different, we probably wouldn't have gotten married as quickly as we did (two month engagement), but if we wanted to stay together we needed to get married so he could stay in the country. 11 years later, green card marriage FTW! :lol:

[Alyeska]

I was 18 and dh was 25 when we married.

 

We will be celebrating 17 years this spring.

[RobinF]

I was 20 for 2 weeks and dh was 19 when we got married. We celebrated 21 years this fall.

 

We tell people all the time that marriage is about commitment.

[J-rap]

Golly, it depends so much on the couple. We have some dear friends who were married at ages 18 and 19, and they have said time and time again that for MOST people, that is too young. But, they have been married for over 22 years and are very, very happy and in love.

Our son was engaged at age 20 and married a week after his 21st birthday. He was very mature for his age, had traveled the world for a year (alone), lived independently in New York City, and fell in love with his best friend. :) They are very happy.

My husband and I were both 23, but I'm sure I wasn't anymore mature than my son was at age 20/21. My husband and I had a common foundation and common goals, and that "secured" our marriage. :) I loved "growing up" with him, becoming a real adult alongside my best friend.

[littleWMN]

My mom was 18 and my dad 21 when they married. They were married for 43 years until he died of cancer. They'd only known each other a few months when they married.

[Isabella]

I was 17 (2.5months before turning 18), dh was 19.5. We have lasted 21yrs so far! There's been ups & downs, but I think that's normal.

 

I would, however, encourage my kids to 'find' themselves before marrying. I feel like I'm only just doing that now. Overall I wouldn't change anything - but everyone's circumstances are different.

 

BTW, my parents married at 16 and 25yrs old, and have been married 43yrs.

 

My parents-in-law married at 16 and 22, and have been married 41yrs.

 

Both sets have had ups & downs, but again - probably quite normal.

[ElizabethB]

If she does want to try to get a degree, there are some limited education benefits for spouses:

 

The Military Spouse Career Advancement Accounts (MyCAA) program provides up to $4,000 (over 2 years) of Financial Assistance for military spouses who are pursuing degree programs, licenses or credentials leading to employment in portable career fields.

 

MyCAA Eligibility

 

Spouses of active duty service members in pay grades E1-E5, W1-W2, and O1-O2, as well as the spouses of activated Guard and Reserve members within those ranks. Spouses of Guard and Reserve members must be able to start and complete their courses while their sponsor is on Title 10 orders.

 

http://www.military.com/education/content/money-for-school/military-spouse-career-advancement-accounts-financial-aid.html

[Tohru]

My parents were 18 & 19. They celebrated their 49th this year :)

 

As for me and dh, we were both 23.

[tricia]

Well, I think an 18 year old can marry if they are emotionally mature. And only the parent can really say yay or nay on that one. My husband and I were 19 and 20.

[HS Mom in NC]

I got married 3 weeks after my 20th birthday. My husband was about to turn 26. We met 6 months before we married. We've been married for 18 years. It's not for everyone, but it can be right for some people. It was for us.

 

My maternal grandparents, a WWII GI and war bride, were 20 when they got married and had a happy 67 year marriage until Granddad died a couple of years ago. They were High School sweethearts.

 

My parents married at 21 and 22 and it was a total disaster. Her second marriage at 33 was (and is) rocky but has lasted 35 years. His second marriage at 30 ended in divorce after a couple of years. His third marriage in his early 40s only lasted 4 years.

[kahlanne]

Dh was 19 and I had just turned 17. We dated a few times and then became best friends before dating again during a two year time span. We recently celebrated our 20 th anniversary. Most assume I was pregnant but we waited five years before having kids. I am grateful we did because both of us had lots of growing up to do. We had naysayers as well. Our pastor's wife even said we would not make it three yrs. She called us many yrs later and apologized. Is marriage at this age right for everyone? Of course not but waiting isn't for everyone either. I would say make sure they have discussed all their goals and are on the same wavelength beforehand. Other than that, be supportive. BTW, I had a year left in high school when we married. Dh would take me to school, drive to college or work, and I would catch a ride home from school in time to cook supper. We laugh about him having to help me with my high-school homework. I graduated with honors though. He worked one semester and college the next, taking 10 yrs for a 4 yr degree. (Time off for having kids...work...etc) I went to college for a year before quitting to be a mom. We had no outside help fro anyone which made us rely on each other. Now Dh has a great job and we have 6 kids. I am very proud of us and would not change marrying at a young age. Never was interested in dating or sewing wild oats anyway. Plus, we are from Mississippi so I was bordering old maid territory. LOL.:lol:

[redsquirrel]

My mom and dad got married young and split 12 years and 4 kids later.

My partner's parents got married days after college graduation and are still married 40 some years later

 

I got married a couple days before turning 32 and my partner was 29.

[Embracing Grace]

My mom was 21, my dad was 17, and they are well in their 50's right now, happily married. I was 20, and dh was quite a bit older. I am very happy that my kids will be mostly grown when I am in my 40's! We are also very fortunate to have a lot of supportive couples around, and we are willing and humble to learn and grow in our marriage.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Dh and I were both 20. We've been married almost 15 years.