Vent: In-laws and holiday drama...

[WarriorMama]

...need I say more?

 

Nothing we can do will make my MIL happy. Nothing. And I'm tired of bending over backwards to accommodate her when she's going to be a miserable wretch regardless.

 

After refusing every other date and plan we came up with, MIL is now refusing to come to our house on Christmas Eve because...wait for it...THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE INVITED TOO! Oh, the horror! :confused:

 

I'm really tired of spending every December stressed and upset because of their demands. I have officially decided that I'm going to have a FREAKING AWESOME HOLIDAY. That's right. It's official. :tongue_smilie:

 

No one can stop me! I am Super Holiday-Enjoying Mama OF DOOM! I'm going to have fun with my kids and dh and focus on what WE want to do and pretend every nasty thing that comes out of any relative's mouth was a delightful compliment. I'm going to be so d*mn jolly it will make them PUKE. I shall craft an amazing forcefield that repels passive-aggressive meanness. I OWN THIS HOLIDAY!

 

:willy_nilly:

 

What's that quote again? 'Living well is the best revenge'? :lol:

 

Who's with me?!?!?!

[Impish]

:hurray:

Go for it!

 

Living in a different province from most of our families is a blessing and a curse...Holidays, I tend to lean on the side of 'blessing' :lol:

[WarriorMama]

:hurray:

Go for it!

 

Living in a different province from most of our families is a blessing and a curse...Holidays, I tend to lean on the side of 'blessing' :lol:

 

:lol:

 

Dh: "What do you want for Christmas?"

Me: "To move very far away!"

[Desert Rat]

Go for it! I'm with ya! A couple years ago I started in the on the wine at 9am just to tolerate the day with family. :o) Both days, actually (one for his, one for mine). This year will be better. It will, dang it!

My SIL hasn't spoken to us in 5 years, lives 30 minutes away, and has decided, as of last week, that she wants to initiate contact. Really?! Really?! She told dh that she's in therapy and she now knows that she's mad at us but she doesn't know why. Awesome. Dh told her, "Well, clue us in when you get one." and let her go. :) I love that man!

I've already bought the wine. I won't even start on my MIL. Meh.

I think my friend has the right idea. She has family and inlaws that FIGHT OVER THEM every year. So, one family is always mad every.single.holiday. She is taking her family to Disneyworld this year. They get back the 26th. :) Now, both families are mad. I say she does it every year. LOL

[Catwoman]

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

 

Being happy and joyful is the best possible revenge.

 

And it's fun, too! :D

[Impish]

Go for it! I'm with ya! A couple years ago I started in the on the wine at 9am just to tolerate the day with family. :o) Both days, actually (one for his, one for mine). This year will be better. It will, dang it!

My SIL hasn't spoken to us in 5 years, lives 30 minutes away, and has decided, as of last week, that she wants to initiate contact. Really?! Really?! She told dh that she's in therapy and she now knows that she's mad at us but she doesn't know why. Awesome. Dh told her, "Well, clue us in when you get one." and let her go. :) I love that man!

I've already bought the wine. I won't even start on my MIL. Meh.

I think my friend has the right idea. She has family and inlaws that FIGHT OVER THEM every year. So, one family is always mad every.single.holiday. She is taking her family to Disneyworld this year. They get back the 26th. :) Now, both families are mad. I say she does it every year. LOL

Honest to Pete, that's the big reason I'm so glad my parents and MIL are at opposite sides of the country, with us in a 3rd province. All holy Hades would break loose w/whoever we weren't seeing on the day of that year.

 

I'd stay home and tell whoever wanted to be there to show up.

 

My brother goes through it w/his inlaws and my folks. Poor man!

[WarriorMama]

Go for it! I'm with ya! A couple years ago I started in the on the wine at 9am just to tolerate the day with family. :o) Both days, actually (one for his, one for mine). This year will be better. It will, dang it!

My SIL hasn't spoken to us in 5 years, lives 30 minutes away, and has decided, as of last week, that she wants to initiate contact. Really?! Really?! She told dh that she's in therapy and she now knows that she's mad at us but she doesn't know why. Awesome. Dh told her, "Well, clue us in when you get one." and let her go. :) I love that man!

I've already bought the wine. I won't even start on my MIL. Meh.

I think my friend has the right idea. She has family and inlaws that FIGHT OVER THEM every year. So, one family is always mad every.single.holiday. She is taking her family to Disneyworld this year. They get back the 26th. :) Now, both families are mad. I say she does it every year. LOL

 

Good for her! Hahaha! Sounds like the way to go!

 

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray:

 

Being happy and joyful is the best possible revenge.

 

And it's fun, too! :D

 

Yes!!! :D

 

Enjoying the holidays is something I want to do for my own sake...but the fact that it will DRIVE EVERYBODY NUTS is a fringe benefit that my immature side is greatly relishing!

[Rosie_0801]

I'm not running about like a headless chook on Christmas, nor am I spending Christmas Day with my inlaws. I attended a family Christmas of theirs once and I'd rather re-read St Augustine's Confessions each year. So my parents in law have our attention on Boxing Day. The first year of this new arrangement, their daughter convinced them they were entirely unhappy with the plan they had agreed to, so they went on a cruise instead. Since then, they have decided they do want to see their son for Christmas after all. Without SIL's interference, we and the parents are quite happy with our casual picnic in the park. And this is why a warm Christmas is better than a snowy one. :D

 

Rosie

[arghmatey]

I think she's lucky you were gracious enough to provide more than one date and plan at all.

[Dustybug]

Good for you! I feel your pain. I won't even get started there. :glare:

[Hoggirl]

Good for you! I feel your pain. I won't even get started there. :glare:

 

It is so frustrating always having to dread being around my father-in-law. Especially when we are on his turf. He is somewhat better when he is in our home, but a total PITA when we are at his.

[FairyMom]

...need I say more?

 

Nothing we can do will make my MIL happy. Nothing. And I'm tired of bending over backwards to accommodate her when she's going to be a miserable wretch regardless.

 

I can soooo relate! I just got back from MIL's house. It wasn't pretty. At least I'm working over Christmas. I don't have to deal with her at all!!! :)

[gardenmom5]

:grouphug: for having to deal with adult drama queen temper tantrums. (you'd think they'd get over them by the time they had grandchildren :nopity:. . . . ces't la vie.)

 

:party: go forth and partay! (I trust you will plan a blast.;))

[Forget-Me-Not]

No one can stop me! I am Super Holiday-Enjoying Mama OF DOOM! I'm going to have fun with my kids and dh and focus on what WE want to do and pretend every nasty thing that comes out of any relative's mouth was a delightful compliment. I'm going to be so d*mn jolly it will make them PUKE. I shall craft an amazing forcefield that repels passive-aggressive meanness. I OWN THIS HOLIDAY!

!

 

You go girl! I think you need to wear everygaudy holiday item of clothing you can come up with, too. I'm thinking lots and lots of bells. . . :lol:

Oh, and the Chipmunks Christmas CD on the stereo. On endless loop. Maybe you could throw in the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack for variety :lol:

[ChandlerMom]

Good for you! All the holiday drama, coordination, and compromise (sure, dinner an hour after my toddler's bedtime sounds GREAT!) is why years ago dh and I decided to OWN ALL Holidays, down to and including Groundhogs Day (and all birthdays).

 

We do what we want, when we want, how we want. It's LOVELY! :lol:

 

Friends don't let friends do family drama. ;)

[KidsHappen]

Our Christmas plans were more complicated than usual this year. We just got almost everyone on board yesterday except one child who I have not broken the news to yet and she is a strong traditionalist so she is almost sure to at least complain a little. Believe it or not this is the first year I have ever had to deal with this and I can see where it will get more complicated as more children are grown with families of their own. I do probably get resentment from my SILs mothers because I have had them every Christmas for years. :001_smile:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I love that plan!

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Sometimes family is easier to love from a distance.

I think your plan is great. Enjoy yourself.

[Doran5]

My MIL gives us the guilt trip every year about not driving the 6 1/2 hours to visit when she actually only wants to see us for like 5 minutes. We ended up leaving our camper at my FIL's vineyard so we wouldn't have to stay in their house. Then, wait for it, she made a comment about how she was seeing us too much!?! My FIL understands our lack of visitation and we actually see him a about once a month. LOVE that man! My kids love "Grampa" but could care less about seeing "Grammy". She is retired, but can't find the time to visit because of her commitment to playing the organ at church. Not that I would want her to.

I talk to her brother in PA once a month and he is great! She found out from her daughter(MIL only calls him on Christmas & birthdays) that I talk with him, so she calls him and tells him how awful I am and that I don't fit in the family because I don't have a BS.

Oh, and apparently, I am the one who has the spawn of Satan. She has been telling me that I needed to medicate my boys since birth basically. Aaagggghhhh!

So glad my dh does not like spending time with his mother!

I did refuse to go the last holiday he went there. I took the kids to my brother's house instead.

[Elinor Everywhere]

we and the parents are quite happy with our casual picnic in the park. And this is why a warm Christmas is better than a snowy one. :D

 

Rosie

 

I couldn't agree more. LOVE sending the kids and their cousins to the park or up the mountain every Christmas with their bike baskets loaded with food & things to play with. They play happily outside for HOURS, and we all play games outside in the backyard, too. What's not to like? :lol:

[Retired]

:cheers2:

Have a holly jolly Christmas and several cups of cheers:D

[WarriorMama]

This is almost unbelievable. MIL started harassing a number of my other guests (mostly mutual friends and family), telling them that coming to my Christmas Eve gathering would be interfering with HER time with HER grandchildren. Several people cancelled because of it.

 

:banghead:

 

She should be a supervillain or something.

 

If I don't cancel seeing them altogether as a result (leaving this decision in dh's court...he's plenty mad), maybe I'll wear superhero tights and a cape when they come over. And pretend to create a soundproof shield whenever she speaks.

 

Does that sound crazy? :lol:

 

I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This is almost unbelievable. MIL started harassing a number of my other guests (mostly mutual friends and family), telling them that coming to my Christmas Eve gathering would be interfering with HER time with HER grandchildren. Several people cancelled because of it.

 

:banghead:

 

She should be a supervillain or something.

 

If I don't cancel seeing them altogether as a result (leaving this decision in dh's court...he's plenty mad), maybe I'll wear superhero tights and a cape when they come over. And pretend to create a soundproof shield whenever she speaks.

 

Does that sound crazy? :lol:

 

I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday.

 

Uh . . . she would be uninvited at this point. And I would call those who cancelled, begging them to come because she won't be there.

[Impish]

This is almost unbelievable. MIL started harassing a number of my other guests (mostly mutual friends and family), telling them that coming to my Christmas Eve gathering would be interfering with HER time with HER grandchildren. Several people cancelled because of it.

 

:banghead:

 

She should be a supervillain or something.

 

If I don't cancel seeing them altogether as a result (leaving this decision in dh's court...he's plenty mad), maybe I'll wear superhero tights and a cape when they come over. And pretend to create a soundproof shield whenever she speaks.

 

Does that sound crazy? :lol:

 

I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday.

Man, your MIL and mine should be stranded somewhere...

Uh . . . she would be uninvited at this point. And I would call those who cancelled, begging them to come because she won't be there.

:iagree:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Uh . . . she would be uninvited at this point. And I would call those who cancelled, begging them to come because she won't be there.

:iagree: Tell her that when she can learn to behave herself and be civilized, you may consider extending invitations to her in the future.

[jujsky]

This is almost unbelievable. MIL started harassing a number of my other guests (mostly mutual friends and family), telling them that coming to my Christmas Eve gathering would be interfering with HER time with HER grandchildren. Several people cancelled because of it.

 

:banghead:

 

She should be a supervillain or something.

 

If I don't cancel seeing them altogether as a result (leaving this decision in dh's court...he's plenty mad), maybe I'll wear superhero tights and a cape when they come over. And pretend to create a soundproof shield whenever she speaks.

 

Does that sound crazy? :lol:

 

I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday.

 

WOW! Overstepping much? She crossed a huge line there. Will begging your guests to come back work at this point? No one likes holiday drama, and they will probably see the drama-laden potential of a holiday with a MIL who has already pressured and guilted them not to come. I would either have it out with MIL or have your DH have it out with his mom.

 

I'm so glad my husband is ethnically Jewish and his family doesn't practice a religion :D It cuts down on the holiday drama.

[Carol in Cal.]

This is almost unbelievable. MIL started harassing a number of my other guests (mostly mutual friends and family), telling them that coming to my Christmas Eve gathering would be interfering with HER time with HER grandchildren. Several people cancelled because of it.

 

:banghead:

 

She should be a supervillain or something.

 

If I don't cancel seeing them altogether as a result (leaving this decision in dh's court...he's plenty mad), maybe I'll wear superhero tights and a cape when they come over. And pretend to create a soundproof shield whenever she speaks.

 

Does that sound crazy? :lol:

 

I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday.

 

Holy cow.

 

OK.

 

Breathe.

 

Remember that YOU are the grown up here.

 

Call those friends and tell them to come anyway. Tell them that they are breaking your heart. Tell them that you are doing something very special with your MIL on Boxing Day, but that she is also completely welcome on Christmas, and that they have had a misunderstanding of the situation. Guilt them. It's time.

 

On Christmas, be very gracious to everyone.

 

On Boxing Day, be very gracious to your MIL.

 

Have a great Christmas, gritting your teeth as needed.

 

Figure out how to actually fix this relationship, if it can be fixed, AFTER New Year's. Now is not the time for that. It's too fraught. Besides, there are very likely lots of factors here that you don't even know about. For instance, many people get either anxious or depressed or angry around each major holiday, and especially around Christmas. If your MIL is one of them, it's effecting her behavior in ways that have nothing to do with you. That doesn't justify it, but it does tend to make it a bad time to address it.

[WarriorMama]

Uh . . . she would be uninvited at this point. And I would call those who cancelled, begging them to come because she won't be there.

 

The folks who cancelled won't come now regardless because she won't stop even if she's uninvited. :sad:

 

Man, your MIL and mine should be stranded somewhere...

 

Can we make it Mars?

 

:iagree: Tell her that when she can learn to behave herself and be civilized, you may consider extending invitations to her in the future.

 

This was my opinion. Believe me. I would uninvite her in a heartbeat and skip away into the sunset cheerfully. My husband is waffling though. He has guilt issues and she's a master manipulator. After ranting and raving long enough to get my point across I'm leaving the ball in his court, because otherwise it will become an issue between US...and that's much worse. I don't know. I think I'm going to go celebrate Christmas with Rosie in Australia. Lots of sun and drama-free! ;)

[WishboneDawn]

I'm not running about like a headless chook on Christmas, nor am I spending Christmas Day with my inlaws. I attended a family Christmas of theirs once and I'd rather re-read St Augustine's Confessions each year. So my parents in law have our attention on Boxing Day. The first year of this new arrangement, their daughter convinced them they were entirely unhappy with the plan they had agreed to, so they went on a cruise instead. Since then, they have decided they do want to see their son for Christmas after all. Without SIL's interference, we and the parents are quite happy with our casual picnic in the park. And this is why a warm Christmas is better than a snowy one. :D

 

Rosie

 

Thank goodness we're in Commonwealth countries and have one more holiday day to spread the family visits over, eh? :D I love Boxing Day.

[Impish]

The folks who cancelled won't come now regardless because she won't stop even if she's uninvited. :sad:

 

 

 

Can we make it Mars?

 

 

 

This was my opinion. Believe me. I would uninvite her in a heartbeat and skip away into the sunset cheerfully. My husband is waffling though. He has guilt issues and she's a master manipulator. After ranting and raving long enough to get my point across I'm leaving the ball in his court, because otherwise it will become an issue between US...and that's much worse. I don't know. I think I'm going to go celebrate Christmas with Rosie in Australia. Lots of sun and drama-free! ;)

I was thinking just a nice desert island with zero communication ability, actually. Or an old abandoned mine. I wouldn't be willing to spend the $$ to send MIL to Mars :lol:

 

Honest to heaven, this is a primary reason why my MIL isn't on my facebook, why I've refused to give her my maiden name, etc. She has *no* boundaries, and would use anything to gain access to more ppl in my life. My maiden name is extremely unusual, to the point that if you google it, I'm related to EVERYONE that pops up! She would totally use that and contact e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e.

 

Nothing like innocent ppl getting dragged into crazy family drama to create an uncomfortable situation.

 

Then again, I have friends and family that would tell her in no uncertain terms to go do the one handed watusi, which would be amusing for about 30 seconds before all Hades broke loose...

[gardenmom5]

This is almost unbelievable. MIL started harassing a number of my other guests (mostly mutual friends and family), telling them that coming to my Christmas Eve gathering would be interfering with HER time with HER grandchildren. Several people cancelled because of it.

 

:banghead:

 

She should be a supervillain or something.

 

.

 

wow. :grouphug: I'd let her know since it is such a hardship for her, you understand why she can't come. when she says she will, just keep repeating, you know she is so busy she won't be able to make it. I would insist upon it. I'd never invite her to my house again.

[ErinE]

:hurray:

Go for it!

 

Living in a different province from most of our families is a blessing and a curse...Holidays, I tend to lean on the side of 'blessing' :lol:

 

Agreed! So much less drama when you can use the airline prices as an excuse. I also enjoy visiting with family when there isn't a holiday. Less time stressing about tradition and more plain, old fun.

[WarriorMama]

Honestly, I really appreciate the comments saying that it's totally unacceptable and she should be uninvited. That's exactly how I feel.

 

I'm trying really hard to keep a sense of humour and not let my feelings be hurt by all this nuttiness. It's so not worth feeling bad all month.

[melissel]

And pretend to create a soundproof shield whenever she speaks.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol: I'm so sorry, because that is truly awful. But this made me laugh out loud! I'm actually picturing you more like this. Her comments deflecting off the bracelets will make a wonderfully festive sound, don't you think?

[Rosie_0801]

I think I'm going to go celebrate Christmas with Rosie in Australia. Lots of sun and drama-free! ;)

 

I can't promise sun (Dec 25 seems to be 12C most years) but my aunt said I could bring friends. You can drink her mead and my Dad will fire up her pizza oven. There's a hammock. You can have a turn. ;)

 

Thank goodness we're in Commonwealth countries and have one more holiday day to spread the family visits over, eh? :D I love Boxing Day.

 

And the US think they are the free-est country in the world! You usually say everyone else's solution won't work for your situation (which I don't doubt), but c'mon don't you need a Boxing Day? :tongue_smilie:

 

:hurray: for Boxing Day! :cheers2:

 

Rosie

[QuirkyKapers]

This is almost unbelievable. MIL started harassing a number of my other guests (mostly mutual friends and family), telling them that coming to my Christmas Eve gathering would be interfering with HER time with HER grandchildren. Several people cancelled because of it.

 

:banghead:

 

She should be a supervillain or something.

 

If I don't cancel seeing them altogether as a result (leaving this decision in dh's court...he's plenty mad), maybe I'll wear superhero tights and a cape when they come over. And pretend to create a soundproof shield whenever she speaks.

 

Does that sound crazy? :lol:

 

I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday. I will have a happy holiday.

 

 

Wait. What?? That is ridiculous. I would be so angry.....I can't believe she was that upset about having others invited that she took it upon herself to disinvite others using a guilt trip...and that it worked.....

 

I call everyone again and just say you wanted to make sure it was still going to work for them to come....Maybe they gave her an answer to get her off their backs but are still coming.??? Trying to be positive here...

[Carol in Cal.]

The folks who cancelled won't come now regardless because she won't stop even if she's uninvited. :sad:

 

I would guilt them. And I HATE guilting people. But if ever a situation called for that, this is the one.

 

I would call them and say, "Look, she is not going to come whether you come or not, even though she is invited. But if you don't come, that will ruin our family's anticipated great Christmas celebration. Please, don't punish us for her insanity!"

 

Again, I hate guilting people, but they should stop and think about this situation realistically. Showing up supports everyone having a nice Christmas together. It is not you who made it into 'taking sides.' If they really think about this, they will see that. You don't want to be all pathetic about it--definitely dangle some great food, great music, great company--whatever pulled you all together in the first place. But do the guilt thing TOO. It's time for it, and I almost never would say that.

[Myeightkiddies]

Oh, and the Chipmunks Christmas CD on the stereo. On endless loop. Maybe you could throw in the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack for variety :lol:

 

There's that one where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. :lol:

Edited December 8, 2011 by Myeightkiddies

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

hope your dh sees the light.....

 

meanwhile, i wouldn't guilt anyone who has cancelled. they are adults. it was their call. i would mention how too bad it is, how you had been looking forward to seeing them and to having some assistance deflecting dmil negative energy, but how you can understand that maybe that doesn't sound like so much fun for them.....

 

and then i would have a blast with whoever showed up.

 

and then i'd look for new traditions to start. homeschoolers are great at researching traditions. you could have a traditional dutch and hungarian december 5th next year. you could celebrate the solstice december 21st. you could have a very british/australian/canadian boxing day. you could have a scottish little Christmas, a ukranian christmas and/or a spanish three kings party on january 6th.....

 

we're thinking of jan. 6th for a great gathering this year. family only on christmas eve and christmas day.

 

:grouphug:

 

"its beginning to sound a lot like Christmas...."

 

ann

[gardenmom5]

There's that one where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. :lol:

 

I think she should be greeted with a cheery christmas song.

 

How about Dr. Demento?

 

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

[LaxMom]

I am Super Holiday-Enjoying Mama OF DOOM!

I'm going to have fun with my kids and dh and focus on what WE want to do and pretend every nasty thing that comes out of any relative's mouth was a delightful compliment.

 

I'm going to be so d*mn jolly it will make them PUKE.

 

I shall craft an amazing forcefield that repels passive-aggressive meanness.

 

I OWN THIS HOLIDAY!

 

This needs to be on a t-shirt

[WarriorMama]

 

This needs to be on a t-shirt

 

:lol:

 

I think I really will wear a cape next time I see them.

 

"Your mean-spirited comments shall never penetrate my FORCEFIELD OF JOY!!"

[WarriorMama]

:lol::lol::lol::lol: I'm so sorry, because that is truly awful. But this made me laugh out loud! I'm actually picturing you more like this. Her comments deflecting off the bracelets will make a wonderfully festive sound, don't you think?

 

:lol:

 

Totally!

 

Laugh on! That's what I'm trying to do. Because this will be an awesome holiday, even if it requires a healthy dose of insanity to make it through.

 

She wants to be crazy? I can be crazy too. ;)