Do people not care what their kids post/say on facebook??

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Warning- this is nothing but a rant

 

 

So- dh's cousins daughter who is 14, only 1 year older than our oldest dd is posting some VERY VERY VERY provocative pictures on facebook. I mean- these should be censored. As in there is NOTHING left to the imagination at all in any sense of the word. As in I told MY dd's to close their eyes when they popped up on my newsfeed. She is also posting how she has lost 19 lbs in 9 days taking HCG drops and how she has a goal of 50 lbs :eek: 50 lbs???? She is very slighly chubby. VERY SLIGHTLY. There is no way this kid can safely lose 50lbs.

 

 

So very concerned because these posts started since dating a new guy (5th boyfriend), I make a phone call. The reply-- "well, I have never seen her with drops. She just dresses in the 'in fashions' I trust her so I am not concerned about it" and since I am the weird homeschooling mom with kids who have no contact with other people and for that fact don't come out of our dungeon during the daylight they don't care to even go look at her facebook page. :glare: So, I looked through her other pictures, and seriously if what her and her friends wear at school (mind you somehow there are tons of pictures being taken during class) is the norm-- is there no dress code anymore?? I mean we are talking WAY MORE than just cleavage AT SCHOOL.

 

 

This is one of those times that I am VERY thankful that I am a weird homeschooling mom with kids who have no contact with other people and for that fact don't come out of our dungeon during the daylight :glare:

 

The truly scary thing is, her facebook profile is completely open. I had my mom to go it and see and every.single.thing is out there for the whole world to see. Pictures and everything.

 

Rant over.

[Heather in Neverland]

I hear ya.

 

I monitor everything that is on my son's FB page and he knows it.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I hear ya.

 

I monitor everything that is on my son's FB page and he knows it.

 

 

Me too! I understanding trusting your kids, but come on they still need to be monitored because they are STILL KIDS!! They still need monitoring and guidance. Especially at this age when hormones start in.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I was alarmed when dh's nieces were posting on FB at age 11 about boyfriends, but dh's reaction was more in the "it's none of our business'' cateogory, so I guess it's sorta' like the pg woman at the party who smoked four times-none of our business.

 

But, ftr, I agree with you. I think it is alarming. It's a shame that the mom looks away.

[Ottakee]

Well, twice now I have called and friend and let her know what her daughter posted (she checks but hadn't seen it yet) and it was nothing really bad, just something that could be taken wrong and put this girl in a bad light.

 

Another time I called a mom about pictures her daughter had posted that had some lewd writing and they were removed immediately. The girl honestly didnt' know what the phrase meant in street terms.

 

Both times the moms have been glad to have me "tattle".

[OnTheBrink]

A lot of parents don't want to be bothered about it, which is sad. (bunny trail alert!) I was commenting to my boss (who's 30, single and childless) that I won't go back to school to finish my degree until dd is in college because I believe it's prudent at her age to be available to parent her. Even though dd thinks she's "all grown", she's not. I was surprised to find he totally agreed with me and said it was unfortunate that so many teen girls are often without adult guidance at such a young age.

 

Anyway, I won't let my dd (13.75) have a facebook account because many of her friends are my "friends" on FB and I'm not impressed with what I've seen. In some situations, I've alerted parents to what their daughters are posting, but not always. Even though I've always been thanked for alerting the parents, I can't mother everyone. Nor do I want to. So, for now, it's ixnay on acebookfay.

[MariannNOVA]

I agree with you -- it is alarming. Of course, I am the 'weird' mom b/c my 12.5year old still plays American Girl dolls --G-d bless her!

[Harriet Vane]

I hear ya.

 

I monitor everything that is on my son's FB page and he knows it.

 

:iagree:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I was alarmed when dh's nieces were posting on FB at age 11 about boyfriends, but dh's reaction was more in the "it's none of our business'' cateogory, so I guess it's sorta' like the pg woman at the party who smoked four times-none of our business.

 

But, ftr, I agree with you. I think it is alarming. It's a shame that the mom looks away.

 

 

Unfortunately I agree after this experience. Its hard though when its family and you see this. Does she just have no self worth to be posting these pics?? Ugh. I am going to try to not worry about this- but truly if some local sicko see's this and wants to take advantage of her what would she do? They live in a small town in Northern Michigan. She says where she lives and where she goes to school. Its like she doesn't even see the dangers of this. I just can not believe her mom, dh's cousin doesn't care. :crying:

Edited November 26, 2011 by wy_kid_wrangler04

[jennsmile]

Nope. I have a friend with a 12 yo son. He was friends with a porn star who had a very flashy picture and links to her webpage on her wall. Apparently she is a family friend. :confused:

 

My niece post stuff all the time and her make up is trashy...It makes me sad but she looks just like her friends.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Nope. I have a friend with a 12 yo son. He was friends with a porn star who had a very flashy picture and links to her webpage on her wall. Apparently she is a family friend. :confused:

 

 

 

:blink:

[Unicorn.]

I monitor my dc's page, and have friends that do too, and vice-versa. A few times we have called each other about something, usually small ( a cuss word, or a word they didn't realize was inappropriate), but for the most part, my kids are good about self policing. They knew when they got accounts that there would be grown-ups watching, and they had to follow certain rules!

[jennsmile]

:blink:

 

:rant:

Yeah! I was shocked! It is one thing to be friends with one in real life, another thing for a 12yo boy whose main friends are boys to be friends with a porn star on facebook. I can only imagine the boys all clicking her picture and friending her or visiting her site. She is blocked from my account.

[Perry]

It is shocking what kids post.

 

I am more alarmed at what they write on twitter though. If your kids do twitter, I highly recommend you look at their twitter time line. It is eye opening. And very sad.

[kalanamak]

She'll be not caring out of the other side of her face when daughter turns up preggers.

[butterflymommy]

At the Catholic school my girls used to go to, the principal would monitor the 8th graders' FB pages. I thought that was so cool.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

She'll be not caring out of the other side of her face when daughter turns up preggers.

 

 

There have been a few subtle remarks lately about nausea and food cravings that actually made me wonder about that. This girl is 14 years old. I look at how different she is than my 13 year old and even with the issues with my daughter I am so grateful for the minor problems (in comparison)!!

[AuntieM]

I hear ya.

 

I monitor everything that is on my son's FB page and he knows it.

 

Same here.

 

What shocks me are the teen in bikini photos posted by her mother. this friend has beautiful but nearly naked daughters. I would never have guessed this family would have such liberal standards for their dds' attire, but I imagine they are more proud of these girls than protective. JMO of course, but it still makes me kind of sad whenever new near-nekkid pics pop up in my news feed. And oh yeah, I have my teen boys' accounts blocked for that family so they don't have a permanent mental picture of acquaintance in her teeny bikini.

 

I also have a young fb friend who is a friend of my dd's. I have gently mentioned to her non-monitoring mom my concern about her dd's wide open account. She was truly thankful and helped her child change her security settings, but based on subsequent posts I am pretty sure that's where mom's involvement stopped.

 

There's lots of silliness. I am willing to overlook that. But the young woman you describe, OP, sounds like she is on the verge of big trouble. Did you ask her mother if she's ever actually seen her daughter's fb page? I find her lack of concern troubling.

[mom4him]

I agree with you -- it is alarming. Of course, I am the 'weird' mom b/c my 12.5year old still plays American Girl dolls --G-d bless her!

 

I am with you. It is sad that parents don't seem to keep track OR care. I won't let my kids have an account either. My dd just turned 12. I told her maybe when she is 35. :lol::lol::lol: Which by the way is 6 months after she can get married which is 6 months before she can start dating. :D

[fhjmom]

I totally agree with you about the pics. I purposely do not friend many younger family/friends because I don't want to see what goes on on their FB page.

 

In her defense though, the weight loss post may be spam that was posted to her account without her knowing. DH had that happen when he clicked on something someone else posted and it posted something that looked like it came from him that sounds similar.

[kewb]

I hear ya.

 

I monitor everything that is on my son's FB page and he knows it.

 

 

Same here. I can not believe some of the pics my son's friends post. I have told a friend or two on occassion when I think their daughter's pic crossed the line. Most of the time I mind my own business. These parents trust their kids and don't want to here otherwise.

[I.Dup.]

Dh's niece who just turned 13 is a total skank. I was the same way though, I'm just glad we didn't have facebook back then or I would have made even more of an a$$ out of myself, like she's doing. :001_huh:

[kolamum]

I don't know it's that they don't monitor it as much as they don't care. If everyone else is doing it, then it's not so bad that their child is a part of it. We had two nieces as "friends" who were repulsive both in their language, attire, photos, etc.

 

My bil made them defriend all his family if they were going to talk, dress, etc like that. Nothing like removing their fb accounts.. Nope, he made them defriend his family, especially me because he knows I find that behavior and such offensive.

 

His youngest daughter is failing miserably at school after being a straight A student all her life. She's fallen in with a friend who, for her age, is far too mature in areas of life she should know nothing about. Instead of removing her from her friend he says things like, "I can't control her friends because it'll only be worse."

 

True as, but you can limit her time with her. No more sleepovers. Only hanging out at our home. Drop her off at school and pick her up. Don't let her use the computer, especially if her grades stink, etc. Unfortunately, his son {even younger} is equally too grown up because of all the ick in their home.

 

Their middle daughter openly talks about procreating under a local bridge. Instead of being horrified they simply told her she could get arrested for such behaviour in public. But, they gave her BC so she's quite capable of being liberal in that area of her life with no backlash.

 

It took his son 3 days to open up and just be able to act like a kid while he was staying here with us recently. It was sad, really sad, but I was glad in the end he had a good time.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I don't know it's that they don't monitor it as much as they don't care. If everyone else is doing it, then it's not so bad that their child is a part of it. We had two nieces as "friends" who were repulsive both in their language, attire, photos, etc.

 

My bil made them defriend all his family if they were going to talk, dress, etc like that. Nothing like removing their fb accounts.. Nope, he made them defriend his family, especially me because he knows I find that behavior and such offensive.

 

His youngest daughter is failing miserably at school after being a straight A student all her life. She's fallen in with a friend who, for her age, is far too mature in areas of life she should know nothing about. Instead of removing her from her friend he says things like, "I can't control her friends because it'll only be worse."

 

True as, but you can limit her time with her. No more sleepovers. Only hanging out at our home. Drop her off at school and pick her up. Don't let her use the computer, especially if her grades stink, etc. Unfortunately, his son {even younger} is equally too grown up because of all the ick in their home.

 

Their middle daughter openly talks about procreating under a local bridge. Instead of being horrified they simply told her she could get arrested for such behaviour in public. But, they gave her BC so she's quite capable of being liberal in that area of her life with no backlash.

It took his son 3 days to open up and just be able to act like a kid while he was staying here with us recently. It was sad, really sad, but I was glad in the end he had a good time.

 

 

It is SOOO scary that this is what our world is coming to :svengo: We are the weird, overly protective homeschoolers so they don't talk much to us as is because we might be contagious ya know :rolleyes: but it really makes me wonder how much of what you described is true for this niece as well. How sad that parents feel they can not parent their children.

[scrappyhappymama]

Some people care!

 

http://weknowmemes.com/2011/11/parenting-youre-doing-it-right/

[Josie]

Oh, I care....and I monitor several times a day. I am on Facebook more now than I ever have been, and it is because I am constantly monitoring my dd.

 

I have friends who don't seem to care. It is sad and scary.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I monitor our 15 year old dd's and we have had some great talks about things other people have put up and why they are inappropriate. It is a given here that I will do so and her email as well to some extent. She isn't allowed to add anyone without permission either.

Our little is only 11 and FB rules say she has to be 13. It makes me nuts when I see all the kids I know are 10, 11, 12 on it. Rules are rules.

I correct her grammar on those rare occasions she misuses it too on her wall but it's a running joke in our family that I do it.

She has never posted anything inappropriate but I have made her take a post of two off about not feeling well. It isn't for public fodder.

I also have her security settings shut down tight and taught her to check them every time FB makes a change. One needs to be intelligent about these things.

[Mandamom]

I've got a number of teenage cousins and I've noticed the worst posts between the ages of 13 and 16. Those same cousins, now they are in their later teens and early 20s have respectable pictures and posts. I have a 16 year old stepson (who doesn't live with me and who happens to be homeschooled by mom) that I'm waiting for posts to clean up. I think we'll be good in a couple of months -- at least I hope. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm also waiting for a 14 year old cousin.

[mommaduck]

You have done what you can. Unfortunately, some parents are either blind or just don't care. My dd's eleven year old friend talks about "lost love" and other such. She's in dance and her mother posted the formal photos...some of them were meant to be just leg shots, but the angle of the camera made them practically crotch shots. I don't understand. I just am thankful that my kids aren't hung up on all of that and I monitor their FB pages as well.

[ciyates]

I monitor FB, text messages and email. DS has proven he has bad judgement in what he has says!

 

I have great swim photos of him mid stroke or coming off the block...however he is in a little bitty speedo so they are not going up on FB:D

[Jenny in Florida]

I often wonder if I just live in a different world.

 

I've been Facebook friends with my son's closest friends for a couple of years, now, and I check on my daughter's page now and then. (Mostly, I don't need to "monitor" her, because we're friends online, anyway.) Between the ones with whom I'm directly friends and their friends who comment on their stuff, I see a lot of posts from a lot of young people, none of which have ever set off any alarms for me.

 

Of course, I'm more or less immune to profanity, and, as a theatre family, our standards about some things may be a little different. I was laughing as I read some of the comments here, actually, because the last two shows my daughter has done have had her wearing lingere (and nothing else) on stage. And there are pictures of that all over the internet. But the thing is that I KNOW my kid, and she's never even been on a date or kissed anyone. When she's on stage, she's doing what's right for the character. It isn't a reflection on her. And, because I do know her well and am involved in her life daily, I can assess what's really going on behind those photos.

[TravelingChris]

Not only do I monitor but my siblings monitor each other. They do nothing wrong. They are all very smart kids and just aren't that way. None of them do twitter.

[HRAAB]

Not only do I monitor my dd's Facebook, I also keep up on what her friends are posting. I learned the hard way and will not repeat that mistake - not that I won't make new ones. :glare:

[momto2Cs]

I agree with you -- it is alarming. Of course, I am the 'weird' mom b/c my 12.5year old still plays American Girl dolls --G-d bless her!

 

Where's that Like button? :tongue_smilie:

[sewingmama]

Well my neice has posted some inappropriate things on FB that have made me go :001_huh: I assume her mother knows about it since her mum is on FB a lot as well and they post to each other so I just stay out of it -it's not my business what her mother allows her to do and since I live out of state I don't know what her mother says to her behind the scenes -maybe she did tell her off -who knows.

 

The only time I feel like saying something to my SIL is when I continously see her DD online at 3am on a school night (I'm a terrible sleeper and often get up to go online for a while if I am unable to sleep). I guess it's possible she has just left herself signed in whilst sleeping but a 14 yo girl online at 3am worries me more then seeing things posted on FB -at least when they post it is out in the open and you can keep track of what they are doing - they aren't hiding KWIM.

 

All my family have drastically different dress standards then I do -I don't mention it because it's their life and standards - nothing to do with me even if I find it innapropriate myself.