What reaction do you get when you tell people you homeschool?

[fractalgal]

I am curious because I am going to start in the fall, but haven't told many people yet.

[beansprouts]

Normally: "Oh, I could never do that" or some variation.

 

There's also the classic: "What about socialization?" Usually spoken by the mom next to you while you watch your kids participate in some group activity or another...

[Crissy]

I have always had very positive reactions when I tell people. From doctors to neighbors, and even the public school teachers and administrators we know, people agree with the choice we've made for our family.

[Plucky]

I don't tell people I homeschool. I've had a variety of reactions when they find out. I've found that those with the least amount of education are actually the least accepting of it. Cashiers and hair workers usually have a strong and negative reaction. I'm past caring anymore what people think about my life.

[beansprouts]

I don't tell people I homeschool.

 

I don't make it a point to tell people either, but it does come up sooner or later.

[OnTheBrink]

Most of the time it's positive. Once or twice it's been negative.

[Remudamom]

I've only had a couple of neg comments in the 15 or so years we've homeschooled. One was from a lady in a waiting room, I can't remember exactly what she said, but when I left I said very loudly, "Well, gotta go. Time to lock the children in the closet!"

[fractalgal]

When I hinted to someone recently that I was considering it, she made a comment about how her friend knows someone who homeschools, but their house is "always a mess now". Then she said that she thought kids to be exposed to all sorts of people early in life and not live a too sheltered life. So her implication was that it was a bad idea.

[Frontier Mom]

Mostly positive but, hence my prior post, occassionally I run across a non-thinking person who makes me even happier that I homeschool.

[Plucky]

True. I guess I was thinking about strangers. People that are friends don't have a problem or they don't stay my good friends.

 

One friend a special ed teacher ranted and raved about homeschooling and then realized I homeschooled. But she ranted and raved about her special ed kids, too. :)

[Eleni]

Mainly positive...my family still grills me every so often but wind up with the same live and let live conclusion. The most vocal negative response I ever received was from the gf of one of dh's co-workers. She was a newly minted PS teacher and was NOT happy that I thought I was capable of homeschooling without a degree and certification. She was probably a good 10 yrs younger than I to boot. whippersnapper. I put her in her place though...gracefully.

[Colleen]

I don't generally discuss homeschooling with people, but on the occasions when someone new finds out I homeschool, the response is always positive. Usually something along the lines of, "Good for you!". Now and then I've had questions posed that I could choose to interpret in a negative manner, but I honestly believe it's curiousity, not criticism.

[kpupg]

I don't mention that we home school unless there is a functional reason it has to be mentioned. I have received 3 types of responses.

 

Most people just say "oh" and that's the end of it. Neither positive nor negative, just accepted. The vast majority of interactions are like this.

 

If it's a schoolteacher of a certain age, they always grill me about "testing." They really believe that a teacher can't know where the student is at without "testing." One time I just couldn't help it and I laughed out loud and told the teacher that I know exactly where my students are; after all, I am their private tutor. I think saying this without the laughing might be a very effective tactic to end this kind of grilling.

 

Some parents will respond with "I could never do that." I always tell them that if they thought it was the best thing for their child and their family, they would certainly be able to do it.

 

Do you have family whom you think will object? If so, you might want to think now about how to handle those conversations.

 

Welcome to the club :)

Karen

[fractalgal]

I don't mention that we home school unless there is a functional reason it has to be mentioned. I have received 3 types of responses.

 

Most people just say "oh" and that's the end of it. Neither positive nor negative, just accepted. The vast majority of interactions are like this.

 

If it's a schoolteacher of a certain age, they always grill me about "testing." They really believe that a teacher can't know where the student is at without "testing." One time I just couldn't help it and I laughed out loud and told the teacher that I know exactly where my students are; after all, I am their private tutor. I think saying this without the laughing might be a very effective tactic to end this kind of grilling.

 

Some parents will respond with "I could never do that." I always tell them that if they thought it was the best thing for their child and their family, they would certainly be able to do it.

 

Do you have family whom you think will object? If so, you might want to think now about how to handle those conversations.

 

Welcome to the club :)

Karen

 

Yes, my mother and mother-in-law have both had negative things to say about it. Any advice for the best way to handle this?

[charlotteb]

I have generally had positive reactions. In our church, there are several homeschoolers there so no problems there. It seems that if I meet someone anywhere, and the person I'm talking to doesn't homeschool, they have a close family member or friend who does. Homeschooling is getting very popular in my area. The only people who have questioned have been some public school teachers that I've met. Their concern is socialization. After I name off the activities we are involved in, they usually have nothing more to say :)

[PineFarmMom]

I've finally learned...after a few mistakes...that I'm best to not divulge our education choices unless I am asked. For the ones that have asked (or I've told without thinking), I have had a variety of responses from good responses to bad responses to "when are you going to put them in school?"

 

I had a family situation last weekend where my sil's mom was there, very sweet woman, asked me about homeschooling, and it seemed that her main goal was in pinning me down as to when I was going to put them in school. She knew several people who homeschool and didn't seem negative, per se. She just seemed convinced that there would come a time in the near future that I'd end it all and put my oldest (now 7th) into ps. I am very vague when questioned to that end. I just don't feel it my job to nail a date nor to explain our convictions, etc. I usually say something that would equal, "well, so far we are enjoying it." I've had that question several times, actually.

 

I've discovered, though, that there are several pleasant people out there who are just interested and not negative about it. I just never know when I'm going to run across the random negative person. :tongue_smilie:

 

T

[beansprouts]

Then she said that she thought kids to be exposed to all sorts of people early in life and not live a too sheltered life.

 

Well, I would completely agree! This is exactly why I choose not to have my children spend their days in segregation ;)

[Elaine]

I can count on one hand the amount of negative reactions I have received. The majority of reactions are positive. I even have two neighbors, whose children are older and out of the house, who tell me that they wish they could have homeschooled.

[Desert Rat]

I'm very careful how I tell people. I've had mixed reactions. My in-laws think I'm severely and permanently damaging my boys. I laugh and pass the bean dip.

Mostly, though, I find that people are accepting but ignorant. I get a lot of "Oh, I could never do that!" or "You must have the patience of a saint!" (I soooo don't!). Of course, the "s" word comes into play every time. But I'm used to that and have a quick response handy.

I'm careful not to put others on the defensive. Like other push button issues, many think that if I say I homeschool, I expect them to school at home as well. Or, the fact that we do makes them feel inferior or inadequate. I'm very clear that homeschooling is a personal decision and not right for everyone, although it works great for us!

I've helped a few other families decide whether or not to homeschool which is a nice feeling.

Welcome to the club!

[Tutor]

Normally: "Oh, I could never do that" or some variation.

 

This is the response we usually get, too.

[mamao32001]

Usually very positive but I had an interesting thing happen the other day. My kids' pediatrician decided my children needed several science lessons while she wrote out their prescriptions for an antiobiotic! I'm not sure if she thought they needed instruction, or that she just felt like teaching! She began tutoring them in science after asking if they were done with school yet to which I stated they would be finished when they finished their assignments in their books. I think she might have taken this to mean I let the skip school if they feel like it or something. We just had a rough year with too many breaks for sickness. At that point I didn't feel like commenting and just let her go one with the lesson. I felt like telling her that my oldest is already taking college classes and completed his first semester at 16 with a 3.4 GPA. Yes, not Einstein, but good!! I guess this just irked me.

 

Cheri

[Mom2legomaniacs]

I have pretty much gotten the "that's the best thing you can do for your kids, good for you" comments. Some will pop up with an "oh, I could never do that". Most that I come in contact with, friends or strangers, are pretty much agreeing that it looks like it works great for us. Some will say they wished they had been able to do that with their own too. Mostly supportive.

[jmgconner]

"I could never do that."

 

Said with sad, poor-you eyes to my DS, "I guess you have to like your teacher." :glare:

[Jenny in Atl]

Most of the reactions I get are neither positive nor negative... just "oh". One gal last night at my class said, "Wow, I bet you have a really flexible schedule."

 

I've only had one really nasty encounter with a sales associate at Walmart. He told me flat out I did not know what I was doing, and that I was damaging America, or something odd to that effect. His sister was a teacher in Florida and I guess she shared her dislike of homeschoolers with him. :confused:

[hisleading]

I usually get this disappointed sounding

"oh!"

ou know the "oh!" that is saying much more!!! The "oh!" that is saying, ummm I thought you were normal, but nevermind!;)

[elegantlion]

Usually I get "Oh, I couldn't do that". My thought is "Oh, you're probably right, if you think you can't, you can't." Most of the time I just reply, "Homeschooling isn't for everyone" and then smile.

 

I did have a lovely lady at a garage attempt to tell my about socialization and the merits of private school, BTDT. I just smiled.

 

We just finished our fourth year of homeschooling and I suspect we'll have more family ask how long we plan on continuing. My mom, who supports homeschooling, already asked this month. I think she's been talking to my sister, who thinks I'm a horrid teacher. :001_rolleyes:

[Jennifer in MI]

I've had nothing but positive responses. I did make the mistake once of taking one man's questions the wrong way and I responded in a defensive manner. Once he explained that he was just interested, I had to apologize and it was VERY embarassing. Anyway, now I just answer the questions as they come up. Many people are fascinated and ask a lot of questions about how to do it, what curriculum we use, if we test, what other activities we are involved in, etc, etc, etc.

 

Yes, my mother and mother-in-law have both had negative things to say about it. Any advice for the best way to handle this?

 

My ILs have been VERY against it from day one. Really, it helps to remember that they DO have the best interest of the children at heart. My ILs are very worried about my kids' future because they value education VERY much. (Their kids mostly went to Ivy League schools and are all very successful now.) So, when I chose to go against the grain, it was hard for them to understand. It also works better for me if I try to remember that they really are just asking these questions because they care.

 

I think we're finally turning a corner with them!!! They see how smart my kids are and how well they do socially. I also talk a lot with them about the kids' plans for the future and how we value college. I think we won them over when we told them that ds 12 will be taking his first community college class next year!!! They were very impressed.

 

Anyway, it's hard at first when they're so opposed. But, they'll come around!

[clwcain]

I've only had one relative voice concern...to my face. I hear about others grumbling about it behind my back. But they fear me, my family does. As Uncle Nick taught me in my early teens, "It is better to be feared than loved, if one cannot be both feared and loved." :smash:

 

I'm indifferent to the reactions of strangers, but they usually say something non-committal to my face when it comes up. *shrug*

 

Their issues are their problem, not mine. FWIW, I get similar reactions when things like politics or religion are discussed in my presence. I have...firm...convictions on those matters, I'm not afraid to express those convictions, and (no thanks to the schools I attended with two exceptions) I'm well-educated enough to defend my positions. :)

[Diane~KJ]

I'm very careful how I tell people. I've had mixed reactions. My in-laws think I'm severely and permanently damaging my boys. I laugh and pass the bean dip.

I'm careful not to put others on the defensive. Like other push button issues, many think that if I say I homeschool, I expect them to school at home as well. Or, the fact that we do makes them feel inferior or inadequate. I'm very clear that homeschooling is a personal decision and not right for everyone, although it works great for us!

 

 

I couldn't have said this any better. I certainly don't feel or act superior because I homeschool, but I've received a lot of reactions that make me think that people are defensive of themselves for using ps. I usually don't say anything about it unless directly asked.

 

With people close to me, family and close friends, they either can accept it or reject it and keep it to themselves. I don't have the time or energy to deal with any negativity on the subject. I'm still sort of finding my path with this, just teaching K so far, so sometimes I'm sure I'm a bit defensive about it.

 

As a matter of fact, my mom was visiting last month and witnessed some horrendous outbursts from one of my sons while we were schooling. She was quick to imply it was because of homeschooling, that he would learn better if someone else was teaching him. I kindly told her I appreciated her view point, but at this moment I only needed her support. She did things differently and I respect that, she needs to show me the same respect. It's not like I just woke up one day and thought to myself "hey, lets give homeschooling a whirl" I debated for a year and had to convince hubby on the subject as well.

[myfunnybunch]

The most common reaction I get is "Oh, interesting. My (friend, neighbor, cousin, vet, husband's coworker) homeschools."

 

Many people in our community homeschool, so most folks seem to take it in stride.

 

Cat

[DSAcademy]

Most people inquire about accountability issues.

 

Do you have to follow the government curriculum? Do you have to submit their work to the school? Do you have to submit lesson plans and test scores? Are you using the same textbooks as the ps? What exactly are you teaching then? What does your schedule look like? What time do you start and finish school? There is a seemingly universal disbelief, that a parent has the freedom to make educational choices that differ from those of the ps, or that these choices could be beneficial. This then usually degenerates into an outraged discourse about the abuses of the educational system that homeschooling allows. This tirade is prefaced with, "Not you of course...but what about..."

 

Sometimes there is a palpable level of animosity, as I describe our day, because people register that perhaps my kids are accomplishing more at home, at a deeper level, than what their ps delivers. This is when the word socialization is brought up - a seeming leveler - to counterbalance the additional educational opportunities my kids may have access to. Humorously, the socialization thing comes up while we are at the same social event, watching our kids socializing together - which usually makes me smile. The hockey parents from our traveling rep team have a similar issue, usually becoming upset about the possibility that my ds (10) now has "free" time for extra hockey practice/conditioning, which may give him some unfair advantages.

 

Lastly people typically say, "Well, good for you...I could certainly never do it." When I assure them, that anyone can home school, you just need a vision, a willingness to do a lot of hard work, a love for spending time with your children and a sense of humour ...it's usually too late...I've lost them at point #3...in which someone always responds, "Oh no, they would drive me crazy!"

 

PS - The ps kids simply pepper the kids with questions about fun and games, "Do you get to stay up all night, and sleep in until whenever you want to, then play video games and watch TV in your PJ's all day?"

 

I guess we all have different priorities!

[Tess in the Burbs]

We have rarely gotten a smile when we tell people we homeschool. Most stare and forget how to speak for a moment. :D

 

So I just ask them about activities/life/current events, lol.

 

When they reply, "oh I could never do that". I just smile. I used to say, "I didn't think I could either, but it's fun" but they don't appreciate that. So now I just smile.

 

When they say, "oh we support the public schools" I just smile. I might add "we do too, but we choose to do our own education so we can tailor it better to our needs". And smile.

 

I have been surprised over the years by how ignorant people are of homeschooling and I no longer offer than information freely. If they ask where they go to school then I will tell them. But I no longer tell people with happiness. Because few will think it's great. So smile :-)

[fishnoises]

We are in year 6 of homeschooling and I have learned to keep it simple. If soemone is sincerely interested in what we do then I share. But other than that, I do not care what anyone thinks! It is a waste of time presenting your reasons and proving that your choices are logical! Usually the ones who have a problem with homeschooling are ignorant, feel guilty about their own decisions or are on a power trip (usually academics!) There is not much you can say to those types. Most of the time people are mildly interested but really don't give it a second thought, or think they can't do it for whatever reason, or they truly think that homeschooling is really cool. Now there is a welcome conversation!

[sassenach]

It ranges from admiration, to being horrified, to really not caring. It totally depends on who it is.

[elbac]

I'm struggling to think of a time I've had anyone actually said anything negative to me. I've had a few genuinely curious questions, but no one looking down their nose at us - at least not to our face. As far as the local folks go, when we first started homeschooling and anyone asked why, I was perfectly honest with them; that since moving to this area, we were very unhappy with the public school system here. That usually shut them up immediately, although it wasn't my intent. I suspect I'd hear more comments if those same people weren't aware that our kids were in the ps system previously.

[Sue in MD]

Be proud to homeschool - and let that show in your response however you chose to word it. What a great opportunity homeschooling provides as it allows you to spend time with your children and share in their learning! In the long run, it won't really matter what others think! What will matter is the difference that you have made in the lives of your children, and in your own life for taking the "journey" with them.

[summer]

A variety. I often get what I did not expect from various people. For example, the public school counselor at my oldest's school told me how her cousin homeschools and she thinks it is great. Meanwhile, our children's pastor really said some wrong things about it. DS6 yr old's private school teacher, the school only goes through kinder, made it clear that she does not approve of homeschooling. My dad's sister made it clear she thinks it is wonderful and if she did it over again, she would homeschool (she was a school principal at the time).

 

I have been chewed out and torn down by people I do not even know really. But the most often response I get is excuses from others about why they don't homeschool. It is as if they think I told them they should homeschool, not just that I do homeschool. It is usually "I just don't have the patience" or "I am just not that organized" you get the idea.

[Aubrey]

Actually, I've been surprised to find that strangers in particular are esp impressed by the choice. Hesitant friends & family have come around more as the yrs go by.

 

Now I did have an older neighbor who was pretty suspicious. She was 80+, & her eyebrows always looked like she was scowling (which I loved, because it reminded me of my own grmother, who we lovingly described as "owl eyebrows" & whose eyebrows I've inherited :w00t:--you could braid them, I think).

 

Anyway, this neighbor had facial expressions that made her opinions clear. Crystal. clear. BUT she didn't actually say...much. ;)

[ereks mom]

I have always had very positive reactions when I tell people. From doctors to neighbors, and even the public school teachers and administrators we know, people agree with the choice we've made for our family.

 

I was talking with a lady at choir practice last night about this. She was congratulating me about ER's graduating. She said, "You know, the Ivies are all competing for homeschoolers now. They know that those kids are self-starters."

[Stacy in NJ]

Normally: "Oh, I could never do that" or some variation.

 

Yep. I made the mistake once of responding, "Well, it's not brain surgery". The neighborhood lady I was talking to was miffed.;) Apparently, she thought it was.

[nutmeg]

The most common reaction I get is "Oh, interesting. My (friend, neighbor, cousin, vet, husband's coworker) homeschools."

We get that a lot. I have never had anyone speak negatively about our homeschool, but they often have words about other folks they know. My inlaws think it is great that we do it, but that it is beyond the reach of most parents. Last month at the pediatricians office, the nurse spoke approvingly to us, but gave me an earful about her daughter's attempts to homeschool their ADHD son. :confused:

[newbie]

The worst I get is from my family, my relatives keep waiting for us to fall. I can remember before oldest was in high school , I was laying in hospital bed, and the surgeon was chit chatting. Homeschool came up, and he stated, thats fine and dandy, but what are you going to do about calculus and chemistry. My mom of course, was there and said, Yeaah, what are you going to do?

 

I said groggily, I dont know, we will deal with that when we get there.

 

We are still going , and on third yr. of high school. Next step, college.

 

Jeannette

[3lilreds in NC]

I get reactions ranging from "That's great!" to "I could never do that!"

 

I always tell people that if I can do it, they most certainly can, but it's not for everyone, blah, blah.

 

The most negative reactions I've had are from my parents. My inlaws, with whom I do not see eye to eye on much, have been quite supportive. Apparently they know other successful homeschoolers so that makes it more acceptable in their eyes. :)

 

We are fortunate to live in an area where homeschooling is really quite common so folks don't usually look at me like I'm nuts.

[fractalgal]

Be proud to homeschool - and let that show in your response however you chose to word it. What a great opportunity homeschooling provides as it allows you to spend time with your children and share in their learning! In the long run, it won't really matter what others think! What will matter is the difference that you have made in the lives of your children, and in your own life for taking the "journey" with them.

 

Thanks for the many responses on this thread. I like the idea of keeping a positive attitude and to think of it in the long term. It would be nice to have my mother and mother-in-law's support, but hopefully they'll come around. I agree that they are misinformed and really do only want what is best for our children.:)

[kpupg]

Yes, my mother and mother-in-law have both had negative things to say about it. Any advice for the best way to handle this?

 

Well, not knowing anything about you or your family, that's kinda tough :)

 

I recommend rock solid firm confidence in your own decisions and convictions. If you have thought it through and done the research and made the commitment, stand firm. Don't be afraid to speak plainly. You are the parent to your children, not anyone else. Claim the privileges of that responsibility and don't let them be usurped.

 

To Battle !!!!! oh, guess I got carried away ... heh heh ... :)

 

Oh, yeah, allow yourself the freedom to change your mind if it becomes necessary. Sometimes, knowing that you are not necessarily locked in for life can help things go better, IYKWIM.

 

Karen

[Peela]

Usually curiosity and admiration.

If there is any hint of negativity, I brush it off.

The trick is not to give any hint of wanting approval. Just be confident.

[LibraryLover]

It's pretty common here, so I am lucky to get a 'Oh, Nice!" lol

 

Some days I'd like a bigger reaction, but "Oh, nice!" is going to have to see me through. :D I got my bangs cut today at a real-type salon, and the hairdresser says to my youngest "No school today?" and my kid replies, barely looking up from her book, "I a homeschooled" The hairdresser says "That's neat!" To me she says, "My sister homeschools her kids, too"

 

I am thinking, this is like the 5th time this week I've heard that. Do all sisters homeschool their kids?!?

 

Instead I say "That's wonderful" and then she says, "They are really smart!"

 

The world is changing. :001_smile:

[Tatt2mama]

Mostly positive-I think most people don't quite know what to say-so they say "oh, that's great!" and then change the subject. Which is fine with me. I think most non-homeschoolers just don't know a lot about it.

 

My favorite response though, was one I got from a neighbor-a dad-"I couldn't spend all day with my kids."

 

Now seriously, what was I supposed to say to that?

 

And he followed it up with "You know, there's a great Catholic school up the road, St. Whats-his-face, a lot of people in the community really like it. You might want to check that one out."

 

Yes. Because I just DIDN'T KNOW there were options other than the local public school. I had NEVER HEARD of the private school two miles from my house.

 

That just cracked me up. Still does.

[fractalgal]

Mostly positive-I think most people don't quite know what to say-so they say "oh, that's great!" and then change the subject. Which is fine with me. I think most non-homeschoolers just don't know a lot about it.

 

My favorite response though, was one I got from a neighbor-a dad-"I couldn't spend all day with my kids."

 

Now seriously, what was I supposed to say to that?

 

And he followed it up with "You know, there's a great Catholic school up the road, St. Whats-his-face, a lot of people in the community really like it. You might want to check that one out."

 

Yes. Because I just DIDN'T KNOW there were options other than the local public school. I had NEVER HEARD of the private school two miles from my house.

 

That just cracked me up. Still does.

 

That is so funny. :)

I guess I think about how I acted when I first met people that homeschooled. I thought about all the typical apprehensions, and then after researching it for awhile came to the conclusion that I could do it, too.

[Reesegirl]

A couple of years ago I showed my mil (who sometimes speaks her mind in an unkind way and wasn't supportive of my choice to homeschool) my dd CAT scores...she was in the high 90 percentile...she said very snippyly, "Well, I am sure that she would have done better in public school!".