What would you expect?

[cdrumm4448]

I had a children's birthday party at a children's birthday party place. There were 19 children expected and 22 showed up. Of course I included the three extra children (I didn't want anyone to feel bad, although there was a charge per child-that was OK.) I did not provide food for the moms who stayed. The party was on a weeknight from 5-7 pm.

 

Would you as a mom expect to be fed? I ask because one of the moms mentioned she would have to go home and make dinner (after her two kids just ate at the party.) I ate beforehand and so did a few other moms. Food was available for purchase by the moms, if they chose to do so.

 

What would you expect?

[Parrothead]

If one is not invited to a party one should not expect to be fed.

[Running the race]

As a mom, I would expect to pay for my own food unless explicitly told otherwise.

 

I've never had a party for so many children, but I do feed moms who want to stay when I give a party.

[SJ.]

As a mother of young boys where the parents have always stayed at parties I would expect to feed the parents.

 

BUT - I would not expect to be fed, especially if it were at a business (restaurant, game place, movies, etc) instead of a home.

[cdrumm4448]

When we have home parties (which we usually do) I do feed the parents. I just couldn't have 19 children in my house at one time, so DS wanted to have it somewhere else. Most of the parents have not been to our home parties, so a precedent had not been set.

 

I just thought it a little odd that a parent who brought a child who was not invited also expected me to feed her.

[Jenny in Atl]

Given those I hang with, I would know to have food for any moms who don't just dump off their kids and leave, or pay for said food. But, then again, I've never liked "party" places, and have always had them at home or a place were people could bring extras to share.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would expect to buy my own food.

[goldberry]

I would expect there to be "something" for the moms. Enough to maybe have one slice of pizza or something like that.

 

But most parties I have gone to for kids, the mom's always stay. Unless I was expecting "drop offs" I would plan on having food for the moms, at least something. As a mom, I would be surprised if I was just standing there while my kid had pizza.

[Mommy22alyns]

I would never expect to be fed at a child's birthday party unless there happened to be extra.

[cdrumm4448]

I have never been to a party at the place we had it at and been fed by the hostess. I've always bought my own food, if I wanted any.

[NanceXToo]

I would expect to buy my own food in a situation like that. I would not generally expect to be fed at a children's birthday party unless it is taking place at the home of a family friend or relative or something.

[Veritaserum]

I voted other. If parents were invited/expected to stay, I think food should have been served to them. If it was specifically an invitation for the kids only (parents expected to drop off), there shouldn't be an expectation that parents would be fed.

 

As the hostess, I probably would have bought something for the adults to eat, even if I hadn't planned to originally.

[Lawana]

I have never been to a party at the place we had it at and been fed by the hostess. I've always bought my own food, if I wanted any.

:iagree: That is the culture around here, too. If it's a do-it-yourself party, hosts generally ask the parents if they want a piece of cake, but it's not required. When I make food, I have enough for parents, but it's always been clear that the party is for the kids, and if anything is provided for the parents, it is extra and not expected. I've never seen any parent *expect* to be fed.

[twoforjoy]

It would probably depend. If the kids were young, I'd probably stay, and I probably would expect for there to be food for parents. But, I wouldn't say anything if there wasn't food for the adults, and I'd be fine with buying my own. I'd just be a little surprised.

 

If the kids were older and it seemed like a drop-off thing, then, no, I wouldn't expect food for any adults who chose to stay.

[Jen in PA]

I voted other. If parents were invited/expected to stay, I think food should have been served to them. If it was specifically an invitation for the kids only (parents expected to drop off), there shouldn't be an expectation that parents would be fed.

 

As the hostess, I probably would have bought something for the adults to eat, even if I hadn't planned to originally.

 

:iagree: If parents were expected to stay, I would have provided food. If most parents dropped off but I chose to stay, I would expect to buy my own.

[SJ.]

To be honest I would find it quite rude for someone, an adult, to express their discontent over me not feeding them at a kids party - if I were in your shoes.

 

OP - are you sure that is what this person meant when mentioning cooking dinner? Perhaps they had to cook dinner for a dh or other family members?

 

As an aside, I hope the birthday kiddo had a blast! :party:

[Cheryl in NM]

I had a children's birthday party at a children's birthday party place. There were 19 children expected and 22 showed up. Of course I included the three extra children (I didn't want anyone to feel bad, although there was a charge per child-that was OK.) I did not provide food for the moms who stayed. The party was on a weeknight from 5-7 pm.

 

Would you as a mom expect to be fed? I ask because one of the moms mentioned she would have to go home and make dinner (after her two kids just ate at the party.) I ate beforehand and so did a few other moms. Food was available for purchase by the moms, if they chose to do so.

 

What would you expect?

 

I chose no, but then thought: If I host the party in my home I make sure to have enough food for invited guests, siblings and parents. It sounds like the party was somewhere other than your home. Where you pay per person, it is extremely rude to show up uninvited. In fact, I as a parent, wouldn't take my child uninvited and I definitely wouldn't expect you to feed me, even IF my child was invited.

 

Geez! Some people!

[WeeBeaks]

Well, I would not expect to be fed. I probably would not have eaten beforehand personally though as that would have meant eating at like 4 p.m., which would have been a very atypical time for me. Nothing beats an energy bar in the purse though for times like those. :)

 

However, perhaps the timing (5-7 PM) led her to believe there was food? I try to avoid the typical mealtime slots if I'm not providing a main course dish.

 

It doesn't excuse rudeness of either the extra kids or the comment though.

 

Could she get food there herself? If so, I probably would have responded by pointing out the cashier and welcoming her to get herself some food.

[oldskool]

:iagree: If parents were expected to stay, I would have provided food. If most parents dropped off but I chose to stay, I would expect to buy my own.

 

:iagree:

 

 

Lesley

[Mommamia]

How did the uninvited person know about the party? Why did they feel it was ok to show up? I'm perplexed by this and just curious. Three uninvited children came to the party? How does that happen.

 

I never expect to be fed at a child's b-day party.

[Farrar]

:iagree: If parents were expected to stay, I would have provided food. If most parents dropped off but I chose to stay, I would expect to buy my own.

:iagree:

 

I'm not so versed in the etiquette of having the party elsewhere. I just know that if it was a non-drop off party at someone's house and they fed the kids and not me, that would make me feel a little weird. I'm expected to stay there and watch everyone eat? Especially during a mealtime? But at a pay party place maybe it's different.

[twoforjoy]

I never expect to be fed at a child's b-day party.

 

A few people have said this. Honestly, I find this kind of odd.

 

I don't know if people take "expect" to mean different things, but if I stay at a birthday party, I do expect to get fed. I don't demand it. I don't think I'm somehow entitled to it. But, I do expect it because that's just been what's always happened. Around here, the birthday parties I attend are nearly all family-and-friend events, and invitations are for the entire family. If the party is during a meal time, there's food. I would think it was strange if the adults at a party weren't offered food.

 

Now, I've never been to a "party place" party, so I have no idea what the custom there is. But given that this woman apparently didn't demand food, ask to be fed, or complain about not having been fed--but simply expressed what sounds like surprise that she'd have to feed herself--I really don't think she was being presumptuous or entitled. She may just have been used to birthday parties where adults stayed and everybody got fed.

[Bluegoat]

I'd say if parents are expected to stay, I'd plan to feed them. If it is a drop-off event, I wouldn't. If I were the guest, I wouldn't be peeved that I wasn't fed, but I'd feel surprised someone would want me at an event at a major mealtime and not offer anything.

[LisaKinVA]

I voted not expect to be fed... Most of the kid parties my children have been invited to were pretty much drop-off/pick-up.

 

If it were for little kids, and the moms were expected to stay, then yes, I would probably expect there would be food available, but I probably wouldn't actually eat, unless invited to do so.

[AnnaM]

As a mother of young boys where the parents have always stayed at parties I would expect to feed the parents.

 

BUT - I would not expect to be fed, especially if it were at a business (restaurant, game place, movies, etc) instead of a home.

 

 

:iagree:

 

and I would feel really weird asking people to pay to eat :S. I just assume that if I invite a child, I invite the parent as well.

[keptwoman]

Expect is a strong word. Pretty much all birthday parties I've been to where parents have chosen to stay (whether or not dropping off is acceptable) have either allowed parents to eat from the kids table or provided some snacks for the parents.

I've done parties at party places and paid for a platter of adult food for the parents to nibble on. I wouldn't provide a meal, but definitely sustenance, particularly at that time of the day when most people won't have had time to eat before attending.

Edited November 4, 2011 by keptwoman

[Brenda in FL]

I didn't vote - because I wouldn't expect it - but every party I've been to at a party location, food was provided for the parents.

 

I have made it a habit to mention the food that will be served on our party invitations, so guests know what to expect. (I like morning and afternoon parties so i don't have to serve lunch - this way a parent knows for sure to plan on eating a meal before or after.) If I were in your situation and was only paying for the children (which I think is perfectly acceptable and I would probably do the same) I would probably include wording such as, "There will be pizza for the kids and cake for all."

[Carpe]

I just assume that if I invite a child, I invite the parent as well.

I'm undecided on this matter, I would lean toward agreeing with you (for most ages of kids) except:

I just thought it a little odd that a parent who brought a child who was not invited also expected me to feed her.

(bolding mine)

[kalanamak]

I said other. If it was a little's party, where a parent would be expected and desired to stay, I'd have something for the mom's to snack on. If it was a drop-off party, then no.

[ereks mom]

:iagree: If parents were expected to stay, I would have provided food. If most parents dropped off but I chose to stay, I would expect to buy my own.

 

:iagree:

[Serenade]

I never expect to be fed at a children's party. If food is offered, I consider it a bonus.

[Sophia]

As a guest, I would not expect to be fed.

As a hostess, I would feel obligated to make sure anyone at my child's party was at least offered something~beverage, snacks, etc even if I wasn't expecting them.

 

For planning purposes, I usually try to get a sense of what the other moms are expecting. I've found that with 6 y.o.'s, moms still stay, but they start doing the drop-off at around age 8-9, so I'll just usually ask what they are going to do and make it clear whatever they decide is fine and then plan accordingly.

[justasque]

OP - are you sure that is what this person meant when mentioning cooking dinner? Perhaps they had to cook dinner for a dh or other family members?

 

 

Or herself. You said you didn't provide food for her, right? So why would you be surprised that she had to make dinner when she got home? Did she say it in a negative way, or was she just making conversation?

 

However, perhaps the timing (5-7 PM) led her to believe there was food?

 

Honestly, this is not an ideal time for a party where you are not feeding everyone. I usually try to make it clear, both from the time and by spelling it out on the invite, which meals I will be providing. (Example - I just threw a party that started at 6 for logistical reasons; I made it clear in the invite that I would be providing dinner, as I didn't want people to eat before they came and not be hungry for the food I was cooking.)

 

...There were 19 children expected and 22 showed up. ...I did not provide food for the moms who stayed. The party was on a weeknight from 5-7 pm.

 

Lots of moms don't feel comfortable with a drop-off at a party with this many kids; I usually anticipate this and make it clear that moms are welcome to stay. My policy is that if we eat, everyone is welcome to eat with us. I understand that in an outside venue it's more complicated, but in that case I'd probably give folks a heads-up so they know what to expect and come prepared (with money, or a snack, or having eaten ahead of time).

[justamouse]

If one is not invited to a party one should not expect to be fed.

:iagree:

 

I will say that it was really rude to crash the party, and that I, personally, wouldn't ahve had a destination party at that time-it's dinner time and I would have expected to have to feed everyone.

Edited November 4, 2011 by justamouse

[Danestress]

I would not expect to be fed and usually don't want to eat in those kinds of places anyway.

 

But I will honestly say that if I had Mom stick around to supervise, help, or because it was too far from home to drop off and come back, I would feed them at a party that was right in the middle of the dinner hour. As a hostess, I could not bring myself to feed the kids and tell their mothers to fend for themselves. To me, this is a good reason to hold a party during a "non- meal" hour. If you had the party from 3 - 5, you wouldn't have to feed anyone anything other than cake and punch. But yes, I would feed the Moms.

[justamouse]

I'd say if parents are expected to stay, I'd plan to feed them. If it is a drop-off event, I wouldn't. If I were the guest, I wouldn't be peeved that I wasn't fed, but I'd feel surprised someone would want me at an event at a major mealtime and not offer anything.

 

Yup. But the mom wasn't the guest-her kid was.

 

A few people have said this. Honestly, I find this kind of odd.

 

I don't know if people take "expect" to mean different things, but if I stay at a birthday party, I do expect to get fed. I don't demand it. I don't think I'm somehow entitled to it. But, I do expect it because that's just been what's always happened. Around here, the birthday parties I attend are nearly all family-and-friend events, and invitations are for the entire family. If the party is during a meal time, there's food. I would think it was strange if the adults at a party weren't offered food.

 

Now, I've never been to a "party place" party, so I have no idea what the custom there is. But given that this woman apparently didn't demand food, ask to be fed, or complain about not having been fed--but simply expressed what sounds like surprise that she'd have to feed herself--I really don't think she was being presumptuous or entitled. She may just have been used to birthday parties where adults stayed and everybody got fed.

 

I've run into this and caused a trainwreck thread here about a summer party for my kid-where I invited 11 yo kids, and expected thier parents to drop them off-and the parents stayed and then I had to provide food for them, too, which really twisted me because AFTER the kid party, I was having a family party. The person invited is the person ON the invitation. If I'm having a bash, I'll tell the parents them AND the kids all are welcome. But again, I'm actually inviting.

 

If I had to stay, I would have asked if she minded and told the hostess not to worry, I would have buy something myself. If that all happened to me, I would feed the mothers, be pissed, and come here and rant. :-)

[keptwoman]

I wonder if etiquette is different in the US than in Aussie/NZ, well most of my experience is in NZ. It would be very unusual to go to a kid party, with only kids invited and not have something on offer for the parents who chose to stay for whatever reason. Drinks and nibbles for parents are absolutely standard for me to include when planning a kid party, regardless of venue.

[Night Elf]

If the party was at home, it would be nice to have food for everyone. But a party place, where you pay per head, would be totally different. I actually think that's rude to expect the hostess to buy food for an adult at a kids party.

[cdrumm4448]

To be honest I would find it quite rude for someone, an adult, to express their discontent over me not feeding them at a kids party - if I were in your shoes.

 

OP - are you sure that is what this person meant when mentioning cooking dinner? Perhaps they had to cook dinner for a dh or other family members?

 

As an aside, I hope the birthday kiddo had a blast! :party:

 

It was a great party. Although, when my DS said it was his best birthday party ever, I did remember the science experiments I performed at his home science party, or the army crawl I did when I held an army party for him. :001_huh:We usually do home parties, and they're 3-4 hours long, so that's why I provide food for everyone. This party was only 2 hours, held at a party location, and no one was required to stay. They lock the kids in, so to speak.

 

I could have misinterpreted her, but she did buy food for the moms while we were there. I assume she thought we were hungry?

[cdrumm4448]

How did the uninvited person know about the party? Why did they feel it was ok to show up? I'm perplexed by this and just curious. Three uninvited children came to the party? How does that happen.

 

I never expect to be fed at a child's b-day party.

 

The son of the mom who made the dinner comment was invited. We don't know their other child, so she wasn't invited. If the mom had talked to me about it beforehand, it wouldn't have been a big deal.

[cdrumm4448]

"There will be pizza for the kids and cake for all."

 

Now that is a really good idea.

[cdrumm4448]

Or herself. You said you didn't provide food for her, right? So why would you be surprised that she had to make dinner when she got home? Did she say it in a negative way, or was she just making conversation?

 

I'm surprised she didn't eat ahead of time. Obviously she thought I should have bought food since she bought snacks for the moms.

 

I had the party between 5-7 because we had some traditionally schooled children there, and anything earlier would have been difficult for them.

 

I'm glad I asked the question here, as the responses have been quite helpful.

[Guest Jianna]

:iagree: If parents were expected to stay, I would have provided food. If most parents dropped off but I chose to stay, I would expect to buy my own.

 

 

:iagree:

[ChristineW]

It depends on whether or not parents were expected to stay. If it were a drop-off party then I wouldn't expect to be fed b/c I wouldn't stay (pool party being the exception). If I did stay, I'd wander off for a bit and eat my own food in private enjoying the peaceful meal.

 

If parents were expected to stay then I would be upset that food wasn't provided at a party held in the dinner hour unless it was specified in the invite . Adults who are expected to stay due to the age of children (kindergarten and under) or the nature of the space (trampoline or climbing) should be treated as guests.

[Parker Martin]

It depends on whether or not parents were expected to stay. If it were a drop-off party then I wouldn't expect to be fed b/c I wouldn't stay (pool party being the exception). If I did stay, I'd wander off for a bit and eat my own food in private enjoying the peaceful meal.

 

If parents were expected to stay then I would be upset that food wasn't provided at a party held in the dinner hour unless it was specified in the invite . Adults who are expected to stay due to the age of children (kindergarten and under) or the nature of the space (trampoline or climbing) should be treated as guests.

 

Same. I've yet to see a kids' party where parents are not fed. Any party held during a mealtime is expected to include a meal for anyone who has to be there.

[Spy Car]

I have never been to a child's birthday party (and I've been to a great many) where there wasn't food provided for parents.

 

Bill

[Joker]

I would expect food for parents but I wouldn't say anything if there wasn't. I also think it should be expected that parents would stay at an actual party type place. I would probably leave 11 yr dd but I would definitely stay if it was 9 yr dd.

[LMD]

I would never expect to be fed at a child's party place. At a home party I'd probably assume there'd be nibbles for everyone, but at a party place where you're paying per head? No way. Plus their food is usually only good for kids parties, I'd rather eat elsewhere!

[twoforjoy]

I've run into this and caused a trainwreck thread here about a summer party for my kid-where I invited 11 yo kids, and expected thier parents to drop them off-and the parents stayed and then I had to provide food for them, too, which really twisted me because AFTER the kid party, I was having a family party. The person invited is the person ON the invitation. If I'm having a bash, I'll tell the parents them AND the kids all are welcome. But again, I'm actually inviting.

 

I think a lot of it is just local culture. I never had or gone to family-and-friends parties growing up. There'd be a kids-only party--the adults would just drop the kids off--and then you might have a party with family and friends of the family another time.

 

Here, nearly everybody has just one party, with friends and family, so the whole family is included in invitation. So, that's the kind of parties we started having. We have one birthday party for the kids, and invite everybody--my friends and their kids, the kids' friends and their parents, neighbors, any family that's in town--and feed everybody. When I'm invited to a party here, unless otherwise specified, that's what I expect. But, I wouldn't necessarily assume the local culture would be the same if we moved.

[Trish]

I would not expect to be fed. Sometimes it's offered to the parents too. Sometimes I partake. But it's about the kids.