Would you leave a very responsible 9-year-old home for an hour...

[silliness7]

I would leave very strict instructions about what is allowed while she's home alone and what is not allowed. Obviously have a cell phone on hand and write the number down by the home phone so she can call without having to remember if she gets panicked about something.

 

If your dd isn't scared and welcomes the independence I would go for it.

 

ETA: The Red Cross has a class about how to stay safe when you're home alone. I don't remember the ages. Their babysitting class is for 11 years and up so I think the stay at home course would start at 8 or 9 years. Anyway, that's something to look into. Due diligence and all. :D

[bettyandbob]

I think it's interesting that people mention a neighbor who could help if she's alone. Am I the only one who doesn't trust any neighbors enough to let them know she's alone in the house? I'd rather my neighbors NOT know there might be a kid at home alone. We have good neighbors as far as we know, but there are very few people I'd care to have know that my child was alone for an hour. Most of them are family. I feel like the neighbor thing is more of a risk than some random dangerous thing happening while she's home by herself. Is that weird?

 

 

If you don't have neighbors you can trust, then you don't. I live in a townhouse, so I have many neighbors very close. However, when ds started staying home alone there was only one I would have trusted to know ds was home alone. Her phone number was on a list for ds to use when he was home alone. I don't think I told neighbor when I left, but I did tell her that ds had her phone number.

 

I think if you don't have a neighbor your dc should have the phone number of someone nearby you do trust, even if it's dad at work.

 

Once I was out and a tornado warning or watch (whatever is more serious) was announced. Ds was 10. He went to the basement, turned the tv up loud so he could hear weather announcements, took some books, a phone, a pillow and hunkered down under dh's workbench against our strongest wall. That boy knew exactly what to do. Neighbor thought he might be home alone and came to check on him and insisted he come to her house. She could see he was physically fine, but she thought he would be afraid. Of course that resulted in me not knowing where he was while I was trying to get back home with the other 2 kiddos.

[elfgivas]

fwiw...

 

no, i wouldn't. all 4 of mine would have been fine at that age.... as long as something hadn't gone wrong. if it had, two would have been fine, two wouldn't have been. but its also not legal here, and i'm not prepared to open myself up to what might happen. however, its not legal here to leave them in the car, either.

 

but there is another solution.

 

at our dance studio, they do tap first and then ballet BECAUSE ballet shoes are easier for the children to put on themselves. so the moms send them into class with their tap shoes on, and they can change their shoes themselves. so i'd try asking if the teacher if they could switch it. if they can, then that is great! if not, maybe a few days of shoe practice at home with younger dd will equip her to do it on her own?

 

but also i think its good for kids to realize that sometimes they simply have to put in time so that their sibling can do something. so i'd have a special dance bag for dd9 that she could have special things to do in, and i'd take her inside even though its crowded and i'd focus on doing those things with her.... learning to knit, playing a specific ds game, etc, etc.

 

fwiw,

ann

[silliness7]

I think it's interesting that people mention a neighbor who could help if she's alone. Am I the only one who doesn't trust any neighbors enough to let them know she's alone in the house? I'd rather my neighbors NOT know there might be a kid at home alone. We have good neighbors as far as we know, but there are very few people I'd care to have know that my child was alone for an hour. Most of them are family. I feel like the neighbor thing is more of a risk than some random dangerous thing happening while she's home by herself. Is that weird?

 

Not weird to me. I'm right there with you on that!

[ButterfliesandBooks]

Yes, I have and do. As long as you have rules in place, e.g, if this happens you do this, etc. One of our rules is no answering the door. I also leave a list of numbers by the phone (my number, dad's work and cell number, etc). I will phone and check all is ok a few times as well. Mostly they just watch tv, and when I get back they haven't moved off the sofa! :001_smile:

[2squared]

Absolutely OK with leaving a responsible 9yo home by herself for short periods.

 

I feel like the neighbor thing is more of a risk than some random dangerous thing happening while she's home by herself.

 

:iagree:

[Danestress]

I feel like the neighbor thing is more of a risk than some random dangerous thing happening while she's home by herself. Is that weird?

 

My neighborhood is my "village." There are probably ten families that I would totally trust to know my child is home alone. There are 5 or 6 I would feel I could call any time with an emergency need. There are 3 who have my security code, and several more I would feel fine giving it to but haven't needed to. I know the security code to get into a number of my neighbor's houses. They would call if their car broke down and the dog were crated and alone, for example.

 

Today my security went off. They company called me, and my biggest fear was that the police would go in looking for a break in and my dog would kill the police officer. I called my Mom and she zipped over, but I have a mental list of neighbors who could do the same thing.

 

I would be beyond depressed if I weren't able to develop a handful of neighbors who I trust. There are, of course, neighbors I don't know as well, too.

[*********]

Nope, I wouldn't. For me, that's to young. YMMV and all that...

[melissel]

I would be beyond depressed if I weren't able to develop a handful of neighbors who I trust. There are, of course, neighbors I don't know as well, too.

 

We have neighbors we trust with our personal property. I just don't trust them with my children. Good neighbors are wonderful to have, but given the statistics on pedophiles and their typical relationships to the children they molest, I'm not willing to take that chance. Is it sad? Yeah, it kind of is. It's sad because I hate that we live in that world. It doesn't prevent me from having good relationships with our neighbors though. I like them all (the ones I know, of course) very much, and I'd be happy to do them favors and such. But they're not like family to me, and only family gets that close to my kids alone.

[Julie Smith]

Yes, without question. I leave my reasonably responsible 6 and 8 year old DDs alone while I run to the corner store. That's only a 15 minute trip, but if they were both 8 or older, I wouldn't think twice about letting them be "on their own" for an hour. They'd love it :)

 

They know how to use the cell phone, how (and when) to call 9-1-1, my mom's phone number, which neighbors to ask for help and the usual safety stuff.

 

I use to leave my boys home alone. Our next door neighbor was the kids piano teacher. Once or twice a month after lessons i would go visit when my boys stayed home playing computer games. Distance wise it would be like most people saying "I left my kids home along when i went to the garage."

 

But she moved. :(

[Danestress]

But they're not like family to me, and only family gets that close to my kids alone.

 

I can think of all kinds of things that could happen - your car breaks down for example, or you could be delayed by a fender bender. If I really didn't want anyone alone with my daughter and I didn't have family nearby, I wouldn't leave her alone. But if you did, I wouldn't think it was the worst thing ever. I think nine is kind of young and probably wouldn't do it myself, but I would be less likely to do it if I didn't feel like I could call in an adult if I needed one.

[KungFuPanda]

I your situation I would do it.

 

When my kids were 9, the responsible one wouldn't have wanted to be alone and the brave one couldn't be trusted :glare:

 

Why don't you load up a text app on her iPad and text her a bit from dance? You might both feel better to check in a few times until you both feel comfortable.

[shinyhappypeople]

My neighborhood is my "village." There are probably ten families that I would totally trust to know my child is home alone. There are 5 or 6 I would feel I could call any time with an emergency need. There are 3 who have my security code, and several more I would feel fine giving it to but haven't needed to. I know the security code to get into a number of my neighbor's houses. They would call if their car broke down and the dog were crated and alone, for example.

 

Today my security went off. They company called me, and my biggest fear was that the police would go in looking for a break in and my dog would kill the police officer. I called my Mom and she zipped over, but I have a mental list of neighbors who could do the same thing.

 

I would be beyond depressed if I weren't able to develop a handful of neighbors who I trust. There are, of course, neighbors I don't know as well, too.

 

:iagree:

 

I don't trust ALL of my neighbors, but I have a couple that I feel good about. I would hate to live in a neighborhood where I didn't have anyone I felt like I could trust. That would be so stressful to me. :grouphug: to those in that situation.

[melissel]

I can think of all kinds of things that could happen - your car breaks down for example, or you could be delayed by a fender bender. If I really didn't want anyone alone with my daughter and I didn't have family nearby, I wouldn't leave her alone. But if you did, I wouldn't think it was the worst thing ever. I think nine is kind of young and probably wouldn't do it myself, but I would be less likely to do it if I didn't feel like I could call in an adult if I needed one.

 

Hmm, what do you consider nearby? (I'm not challenging you, just considering this as a factor.) DH is 10 minutes away at work, my parents are 30 minutes at their home. Though actually, if I were delayed, it would take her 15 minutes to just walk over to where we would be. It's truly that close.

 

Thanks for your thoughts :D

[Danestress]

Maybe you could make a list of neighbors and their phone numbers that she could call if she needed someone, but not actually tell them you are away - just let her call around or you call around in a crisis. Then if you did have a breakdown and knew you had to wait for AAA or a tow truck, you (or she) could get an adult to check on her, but that person wouldn't know ahead of time that she was alone. That's probably what I would do if I really wanted to leave her alone.

[melissel]

:iagree:

 

I don't trust ALL of my neighbors, but I have a couple that I feel good about. I would hate to live in a neighborhood where I didn't have anyone I felt like I could trust. That would be so stressful to me. :grouphug: to those in that situation.

 

Yeah, it's not the friendliest of neighborhoods. I wish it were different--there are only two kids that I know on the street, and they're both boys--not real interested in playing with girls. Most of the houses are two-adult households. There's one family nearby, but they are...not people I really want the kids around so much. Nice people, and actually, probably the place I'd tell DD to go in an emergency. But as to family culture, theirs is very different from ours (which is the most I can say without getting too personal!). Our next-door neighbor is an excellent neighbor to have, and a very nice guy, but again, not someone I'd leave alone with one of the girls unless it was a true emergency of some weird kind. I do wish there were more families with kids here, but there aren't.

[swellmomma]

I think it's interesting that people mention a neighbor who could help if she's alone. Am I the only one who doesn't trust any neighbors enough to let them know she's alone in the house? I'd rather my neighbors NOT know there might be a kid at home alone. We have good neighbors as far as we know, but there are very few people I'd care to have know that my child was alone for an hour. Most of them are family. I feel like the neighbor thing is more of a risk than some random dangerous thing happening while she's home by herself. Is that weird?

 

 

In that case I would not leave her. In my current residence I don't know my neighbor's enough/trust them enough to leave them like that, but at my old house I loved my neighbors aon both sides and would have no problem with them knowing my kids were home alone. Both had babysit for me in the past, and I babysat my one neighbor's kids in return. I have no doubts the kids would be safe with them knowing they were there. But like I said in my current town no way. The neighbors on teh one side I watched the boys grow up, and they practically did so in my house, they lived there for 7 years, teh other side was the sweetest, nicest couple and their awesome kids. They lived there for 5 years before I moved and we hung out often, our kids were back and forth to each other's houses. Both sides I could rely on more than I could my own family at times.

[TheApprentice]

I replied to a similar question a bit ago. Absolutely, with rules to abide by. I do it quite often.

[chiguirre]

Absolutely yes, given your dh is 10 minutes away if you have an emergency. I leave ds2 and dd alone watching TV while I pick up ds1. It's a boring and tiring errand for them and I have back-up if my car broke down or I was in a fender bender. I've left dd at home alone for 10 minutes and she was fine. I'd like her to develop confidence in staying alone and short trials are a good way to do it imho.

[HiddenJewel]

If you can live with the worst-case scenario (someone breaking in, your dd getting hurt and not being able to call for help, etc.) then it may work for your family.

[K&Rs Mom]

I think it's interesting that people mention a neighbor who could help if she's alone. Am I the only one who doesn't trust any neighbors enough to let them know she's alone in the house? I'd rather my neighbors NOT know there might be a kid at home alone. We have good neighbors as far as we know, but there are very few people I'd care to have know that my child was alone for an hour. Most of them are family. I feel like the neighbor thing is more of a risk than some random dangerous thing happening while she's home by herself. Is that weird?

 

I certainly wouldn't announce it, but K knows the people we trust in houses close enough to see, and she would have that option to go over if she needed something.

[Stayseeliz]

I wouldn't leave a child that young alone. It's just too young to me and I have a very responsible 10yo.

[BlessedMom]

No

[bkpan]

If you can live with the worst-case scenario (someone breaking in, your dd getting hurt and not being able to call for help, etc.) then it may work for your family.

 

Oh my goodness. You could take this same logic and say -

 

If I let my children ride their bikes, can I live with the worst-case scenario - hmm, NO, they could get hit by a car?

 

If I let my children learn to cook as they get older, can I live with the worst-case scenario.... they could get a horrible burn...

 

you get the picture. Making a parental, informed decision as to the maturity of your own child, assessing their personal situation, is NOT a dangerous idea!

 

Kim

[silliness7]

Oh my goodness. You could take this same logic and say -

 

If I let my children ride their bikes, can I live with the worst-case scenario - hmm, NO, they could get hit by a car?

 

If I let my children learn to cook as they get older, can I live with the worst-case scenario.... they could get a horrible burn...

 

you get the picture. Making a parental, informed decision as to the maturity of your own child, assessing their personal situation, is NOT a dangerous idea!

 

Kim

 

My brain was going in that same direction only with driving kids around in the car. Worst-case scenario. YIKES!!! I don't want to event think about it. Yet I don't hesitate to buckle them in and off we go. often.

[HiddenJewel]

Oh my goodness. You could take this same logic and say -

 

If I let my children ride their bikes, can I live with the worst-case scenario - hmm, NO, they could get hit by a car?

 

If I let my children learn to cook as they get older, can I live with the worst-case scenario.... they could get a horrible burn...

 

you get the picture. Making a parental, informed decision as to the maturity of your own child, assessing their personal situation, is NOT a dangerous idea!

 

Kim

 

Very true. It is just really easy to think that nothing will happen.

 

I can't see a 9-year old being mature enough to think quickly enough on his/her feet to deal with an emergency situation.

[hsmom2011]

No, I wouldn't, but I'd leave a 6 yr old at dance class. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

[KarenC]

My youngest dd started staying home alone when she was 9. We went over the rules the first few times and I checked in with her from time to time. We do have retired neighbors next door and 2 more sets across the street. And we do live in a very quiet, rural neighborhood with many retired couples.

 

Karen

[momdm]

I wouldn't leave 9 yr old alone. You can ask other moms in the dance class to help your daughter change the shoes. Or teach your 6 yr old to change the shoes (I have no idea how difficult they are to wear. ). . this will teach your 6 yr old being responsible as well.

[mrs.m]

Maybe. I left DD alone at that age for short periods. But my DS who is 9 now? Nope. Bad idea. ;)

[Farrar]

If you can live with the worst-case scenario (someone breaking in, your dd getting hurt and not being able to call for help, etc.) then it may work for your family.

 

But... and I'm really biting my tongue not to be sarcastic here... if you follow that line of thinking then if you can't live with the worst case scenerio for driving (the car flipping upside down, exploding and killing you all) then you should really not drive. Worst case thinking is just not how I want to live my life. Or I'd never go out, make friends, see people, eat food, and so forth without being wracked with anxiety.

[catz]

But... and I'm really biting my tongue not to be sarcastic here... if you follow that line of thinking then if you can't live with the worst case scenerio for driving (the car flipping upside down, exploding and killing you all) then you should really not drive. Worst case thinking is just not how I want to live my life. Or I'd never go out, make friends, see people, eat food, and so forth without being wracked with anxiety.

 

:iagree: It may just be riskier to put your child into a car than to leave a responsible 9 or 10 year old home alone for an hour in a safe neighborhood. We take calculated risks each and every day with our kids. Everyone has to know their own comfort levels here.

[Pretty in Pink]

You know your child. We do not. I would consider it if:

• I had no qualms about her maturity/ability to follow instructions (no food, no answering the door, etc.)
  
• The child were comfortable being left home alone
  
• I would be within five minutes of the house, or had a trusted neighbor that didn't mind being my back up 'just in case'
  
• It were legal in my state
  

Really, though, if she's just going to sit at home and goof around on the IPad she may as well go with you. She can play with the IPad in the car.

[Momling]

But... and I'm really biting my tongue not to be sarcastic here... if you follow that line of thinking then if you can't live with the worst case scenerio for driving (the car flipping upside down, exploding and killing you all) then you should really not drive. Worst case thinking is just not how I want to live my life. Or I'd never go out, make friends, see people, eat food, and so forth without being wracked with anxiety.

:iagree:

 

I am unwilling to live imagining all the potential bad that could happen.

 

And yes, I absolutely leave my 9 year old at home. And she stays at home on occasion for more than an hour and when I am a longer distance away. We have resources (cell phones, tenant, nearby grandparents, friends, neighbors) should she need them. But really... we live in a safer time and place than any before. And throughout history, nine year olds have been successfully staying at home (or going out, or taking care of other children, or taking care of a house, or working). It doesn't bother me at all that she stays home and reads her book and drinks a cup of tea while I run errands.

Edited September 28, 2011 by Momling

[Julie Smith]

:iagree:

 

I am unwilling to live imagining all the potential bad that could happen.

 

 

 

Same here.

 

Bad things can also happen when your child is out with you. I think a responsible willing child home alone with something to do is statistically safer at home then driving around town running errands.

 

Either way. Bad things can happen anywhere. I wouldn't live in fear of them happening.

[momma aimee]

But... and I'm really biting my tongue not to be sarcastic here... if you follow that line of thinking then if you can't live with the worst case scenerio for driving (the car flipping upside down, exploding and killing you all) then you should really not drive. Worst case thinking is just not how I want to live my life. Or I'd never go out, make friends, see people, eat food, and so forth without being wracked with anxiety.

 

 

because there is a big differnce in being there, and not. and a big differnce is the level of 'needed risk'.

 

I can live with the worst case of driving -- ie one or all of us being killed -- because i am there. the boys do not ride with just anyone. and because to function in our lives it is necessary.

 

could i live with the worst case if i had let a 9 yo alone -- no i could not, because the simple reality is that the 9 yo COULD go sit and read an the dance class, and in a functional world i can not, not drive, ever.

 

one is a realist risk, even necessary risk -- driving ............the other, leaving a 9 yo alone, is not necessay given there is a realist option (she goes to class, sucks it up one hour a week for her sister and reads a book).

[AuntPol]

I started leaving mine at age 8 for short periods.

[gingersmom]

Not a chance.

 

But then again I never let my 3/4 year old children play outside in my super safe neighborhood by themselves either.

[TranquilMind]

I have a very responsible 9 year old and I wouldn't.

I agree. Nine is too young, in my opinion. I had a very responsible 9 year old as well. However, I just didn't feel comfortable until she was late 11, not today. In our day it was different. Every Mom in the neighborhood was home and it was just a safer world, I think.

[TranquilMind]

In most places, it seems to be around eight.

National Groups like "National Safekids" recommends not leaving a child alone until the age of 12.

 

Without knowing that, my own personal comfort level was 12, also, however, I did leave one a time or two at 11, almost 12 for very short runs. It just seems logical to me, as a 12 year old reasons far differently than a 10 or younger child. Someone said 6, with a slighly older sibling. That's just far too young, I believe.

 

My state doesn't govern this, but most of the ones that do, establish 11 or so as the proper age. One state requires age 14.

[Unicorn.]

I think your dd would be much safer at home alone, than sitting outside in a car by herself. You can leave her at home, and no one knows she's there, but everyone can see her sitting alone in a car. I would definitely leave her at home. Or I would be telling the dance teacher "I'm sorry, but if I have to be here, so does she." When my kids were in dance, we weren't allowed to stay unless it was our turn to be the mom helper that week. Only 1 or 2 moms were allowed to stay, observe, and help any child that needed it. Even when they were 3. Something to suggest to the teacher maybe?

[amey311]

it was just a safer world, I think.

 

in what regard? i'm pretty sure statistics doesn't bear this out - I know it's hard to argue with emotion, but statistically the world wasn't so much safer "back in our day."

[Farrar]

in what regard? i'm pretty sure statistics doesn't bear this out - I know it's hard to argue with emotion, but statistically the world wasn't so much safer "back in our day."

 

In fact, it was less so. Crime rates are down. On the other hand, the rate of the media telling us about crime is up.

[Laurie4b]

I did it with 3 out of 4 of mine at age 9 because they were all mature enough and I wanted them to have the experience of independence. I wouldn't worry about latch key feelings at all!

[TranquilMind]

in what regard? i'm pretty sure statistics doesn't bear this out - I know it's hard to argue with emotion, but statistically the world wasn't so much safer "back in our day."

 

Nope. Maybe not in your day, but in mine. I grew up in the 60's.

 

From here:

 

You grew up in the 70s or later. The rate of violent crime (murder and nonnegligent manslaughter, forcible rape, robbery, and aggravated assault) is about the same today as in the mid-70s--about 500 crimes per 100,000 population. (I rely here on the FBI's uniform crime reports.) To be sure, there were fluctuations in the intervening years. Violent crime reached a peak in the early 90s, around 750 crimes per 100,000, then dropped sharply. However, the impact of the crime surge fell mostly on a narrow segment of the population, e.g., minorities in poor neighborhoods during the crack epidemic.

 

And:

 

You grew up in the 40s, 50s, and early 60s. Different story. People who were children then recall a much more peaceful time than now, and it was. The violent crime rate in 1960 was under 200 per 100,000, less than 40 percent what it is today.

 

 

[mrs.m]

My state doesn't govern this, but most of the ones that do, establish 11 or so as the proper age. One state requires age 14.

 

That state is IL but the law isn't very clear.

 

Illinois law defines a neglected minor, in part, as "any minor under the age of 14 years whose parent or other person responsible for the minor's welfare leaves the minor without supervision for an unreasonable period of time without regard for the mental or physical health, safety or welfare of that minor."

Juvenile Court Act, 705 ILCS 405/2-3(1)(d)

 

 

I talked to friend who is a police officer and he said that it really doesn't apply to parents who are properly caring for their children and using common sense. He assured me that our date nights would not be considered an unreasonable amount of time. And my DD, who has had Red Cross babysitter training, is certainly mature enough at the age of 11 to handle the job.

 

So that age is published out of context on most websites that don't include the details. (being that I'm from that state, it kinda irks me.)

 

My opinion is that most reasonable and caring parents know their kids best and have different comfort levels when it comes to this issue. If you aren't comfortable doing it for any reason, then don't! No matter what the decision is yours to make.

[amey311]

Nope. Maybe not in your day, but in mine. I grew up in the 60's.

 

 

Fair enough. I graduated high school in 1991. I know I came home from school alone starting in junior high (so 6th grade - 11). I can't remember exactly what my brother did - he was 2 years younger, and the elementary school was on a different schedule. Maybe he went to my grandmother's until we were both in junior high?

 

Anyway. I read "Protecting the Gift" and am moderately free range. I live in a residential neighborhood and my boys are often out playing alone and have taken their bikes on trails nearby alone. DH grew up in a more populated and busy area than I did and remembers even more time alone and running errands unsupervised ("Here's $10 - go get your hair cut after school today").

 

Statistically speaking, though, a 9 year old home alone playing computer games is going to be safe.

[sassenach]

LOL I was thinking the same thing. My 8 year old would love it though.

 

Here's a list, by state, of minimum age requirements:

http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchkey-kids-age-limits.htm

 

For real, Illinois? 14 is ridiculous.

 

Based on what you have said, I would leave her. My oldest could handle that at 9. My current 9yo- no way. I'm guessing my 7yo will be like my oldest. Those girls and their self control.

[azmomx3]

I guess it depends on where you live too. I live in the burbs and leave my very responsible 8 year old in charge of my 6 year old while I run to the corner supermarket all the time. I'm only 3 or 4 minutes away, they know the trust worthy retired couple next door in an extreme emergency. They know not to open the door unless there's a fire and even then to go out the back into the far back of our very large fenced yard. I've even taught them that if someone comes to the door claiming to be the police or fire dept that they need to call 911 to verify that the person at the door really is who they say they are. They have my cell number memorized. I run to the store with just my 1 year old in tow and get things done while they work on their math or some other project. Otherwise a run to the store would really cut into our school day!

 

Also, my husband is a police officer and he's advised friends of ours much in the same way as is stated above, as long as it's not for an unreasonable amount of time and the child is responsible, there's no issue legally.

Edited September 29, 2011 by azmomx3