Spent the day looking for an apt...

[forty-two]

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure you have to be officially ordained to be a chaplain in the armed forces (dh looked into it when he was between churches).

 

He got a job counseling drug addicts for a non-profit - something like that might be worth looking into :grouphug:.

[Starr]

If you stay with mom and think it would be easier on the kids to be in school for a while I would consider it. :grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure you have to be officially ordained to be a chaplain in the armed forces (dh looked into it when he was between churches).

 

The program I posted about was for people in seminary. There are different programs for those already ordained.

 

He got a job counseling drug addicts for a non-profit - something like that might be worth looking into :grouphug:.

 

This is worth looking into as well.

 

Honestly, I would be looking at *anything* that could be the starting point or stepping stone for a career.

[Aubrey]

What was his last job that paid a living wage?

 

Something like project management, which is why he's chosen to pursue that in school.

 

Did he leave it on good terms? Yes.

 

If yes, has he checked with the former employee to see if they could use services again? Yes.

 

I'm not sure I understand how he is applying for jobs at night. Maybe it is doable with the technology changes of last couple of decades. If you are applying for low level jobs in retail, warehousing, food service, etc, isn't it expected that you will deliver application in person and hope for an on the spot interview?

 

Some, but most when you go in person direct you to the website. Once you've applied online, sometimes going in person is productive, often not. He does both.

 

The armed services chaplain idea seems like a good bet. I know you said he would not pass a physical, but his asthma already has improved since the move. It is just too good an idea to dismiss. He would be serving both his God and his country and may actually get a sense of fulfillment from chaplain work that is presumably missing from courier work.

 

I have mentioned it to him, & he says he will look into it, but asthma is not his only health issue. All told, I'd be VERY surprised if they'd consider him.

[Aubrey]

Aubrey,

 

Would a handyman help with the basement? You may not have funds you want to use to pay for it right now, but I live in Col. Springs and have a friend in Denver I'm checking with to see if she knows someone who would be willing to donate part/all of his services. That would help you out with the basement at your mom's. Not sure if it's a good solution, but wanted to check with before spending too much time - if it isn't something you would want....

 

I wish I had more solution options for you, but wanted to throw this out to you....please pm me if interested. I tried to pm you but your box is full....

 

Melody

 

That's very sweet, but mom had a couple of guys working on it before we came. One stopped coming because his car broke down; the other completely ripped her off. :(

 

The first guy has called her back, & she wants to hire him to finish. I'm hesitant because I didn't want her to hire either of these guys to begin w/--they're just unemployed friends that she wants to help out, but she ALWAYS gets burned on stuff like that & ends up losing a friend on top of having shoddy/no work done.

 

Mom says this guy's different, & the neighbor has recommended another guy. I don't know. I just feel badly for her to spend more $ when it's something we CAN do. But I didn't tell her no.

[Aubrey]

I think the best bet is camping while the basement gets made livable. You need something now and something kind of long-term. They don't have to be the same thing.

 

Camping: Tent in a campground, cooking over a fire. Borrow a camper. Rent a cabin long-term (a month?).

 

Finishing basement: Talk to the local churches to see if they would be able to help with the construction. (Where are you in CO? Might someone here know someone at a church that could help?)

 

I think we'll be done to done-enough w/ the basement by the end of the week if dh doesn't have to limit the work to the evenings. It's just trying to fit the work around things that seemed more important (work, school) that was slowing it down. Well, & mom wanting to texture, paint, & make curtains. :lol:

 

(She asked me again last night if the curtains were the problem w/ the bathroom, which SHE HERSELF told me she wouldn't use!)

[Harriet Vane]

The door to my bedroom is for the sake of the kids--the W/D are in our bathroom, which is in our bedroom, so if mom needs to go down there to do laundry on a bad day, I want them to have a place to go & close the door if nec.

 

Not next on the list, since it would have to be framed out, but possibly higher than it would have been.

 

What about a bifold or louvered door, like those you see on closets? The installation might be easier, though they are a lot less soundproof.

[Aubrey]

If you stay with mom and think it would be easier on the kids to be in school for a while I would consider it. :grouphug:

 

I have. Mom flipped out worse than dh! One of the reasons moving in w/ her seemed like a good idea was that she was SO supportive of hs'ing. Of course, she has no idea what's involved but likes to think she does because she hs'd me when I was 4. :glare: :lol:

[Aubrey]

What about a bifold or louvered door, like those you see on closets? The installation might be easier, though they are a lot less soundproof.

 

*shrug* I figured once it's livable, we could just go to the hardware store & figure it out. I think dh has done both, so I'd leave it up to him. It's not a nit-picky detail, just a thought.

[Dobela]

1. It's illegal in most cases to rent anything smaller than 3 bedrooms to a family of 6.

 

I would look for specifics in the law, In my state, the rules/regulations/whatever for CPS say that a child has to have 50sq ft in a bedroom and at least 2 drawers for storage. Each must also have their own bed. So, if the bedroom is 12x12, they would allow 3 kids because it is nearly 150 sq ft. Oh, and after age 2 siblings of opposite sex cannot share a room. So, if you find a house with largish bedrooms, you may be within the letter of the law even if you put 3 to a room.

 

2. To pass a credit check, you have to make a min of 3x the monthly rent of a place. Never mind the fact that dh's current job pays $20/day, let's assume we could base our income on his work in TX or that he could get something piddly for the time being. We still wouldn't qualify for anything more expensive than a 1bed.

 

;)

I assume you have also been searching the papers and places like Craigslist for a place to stay. I know that my dad doesn't always check credit and all that if he likes the person who comes to look at a house. He also isn't a big time renter. You may have more success looking this route if possible.

[Jenny in Florida]

All major companies have online applications these days, and many ONLY take online applications.

 

Yes.

 

My daughter is busy applying for a "day job" while she works on getting her theatrical career going. She's found that ALL of the retail-type places she wants to apply accept only online applications.

 

Of course, she's also filled out quite a few of them and hasn't gotten so much as a phone call. But, given the current job market and her lack of work experience, that's not too surprising.

 

Aubrey, I've been thinking about you guys and wishing there was something I could do to help. But I know only one person in CO, and I don't think she's anywhere near you, geographically.

 

Know, please, that you and your family are in my thoughts?

[klmama]

Have you contacted churches, the Navigators, or Focus on the Family to see if any of them can offer help or suggestions to you? Just a thought....

[Aubrey]

Know, please, that you and your family are in my thoughts?

 

:grouphug: Thank you.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I am amazed that CPS would have a sq footage/gender requirement for children in a regular family. What is even more amazing is that the regulations wherever you live, Dobela, are stricter than the ones for foster families here. And CPS wouldn't usually have such requirements even for families they are trying to reunite. It's just weird to me.

 

ETA: I really struggled with the term "regular family." I'm POSITIVE there is a better term. However, I couldn't think of a term that encompassed every type of family outside of homes under state control (foster homes, group homes, residential treatment centers, etc).

 

ETA2: However, I have heard of number of occupant requirements for rental properties. My two teens could share a room in most places, but obviously the nine of us can't live in a two bedroom apt.

Edited August 17, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[Lang Syne Boardie]

In my area the square footage and # of bedrooms required for a biological family only affect rental dwellings that receive federal funding.

[yvonne]

Temp agency?

 

Substitute teacher? (Does he have a BA?)

 

 

A temp agency will have _something_ eventually. Jobs come and go, but it may be his single best chance of finding something longer term. He's much more likely to get a job somewhere where the employer has seen his work, been impressed, and wants to hire him than somewhere that he just cold calls/applies randomly. (Temping one summer back when I was teaching was how I accidentally ended up in project management.)

Edited August 17, 2011 by yvonne

[LucyStoner]

Here is an opportunity for just about anyone in Denver to earn money by selling a street paper. Your DH or you or both of you could do it. Where I live, parents even sell with their kids (different city, different street newspaper). You set your own hours.

 

http://www.denvervoice.org/vendor-program/

 

Helpful for putting cash in your pocket right away and the staff will likely know the ins and outs of families trying to make it in Denver...flexible landlords, safe family housing programs, utility help programs, connections with organizations and companies looking to hire etc.

 

Also, if you are not already please get SNAP food benefits and WIC. Your situation is exactly why these programs exist. I grew up very poor and my family was homeless at times. Sometimes homeless in the way that you are now- living in someone's garage or basement or a motel (once for a year) and sometimes homeless sleeping in the clunker VW van homeless. My parents worked hard but had some challenges and my mother was disabled and caring for a disabled child. Hard for my dad to find work much of the time and we moved a lot. So I know the uncertainty and the making things fun for he kids and the worry over accepting help but I am the stable, comfortable adult I am today because of the opportunities and security afforded to me when my parents finally opted to get help outside of our church, through government and charitable organizations.

Edited August 17, 2011 by kijipt

[ChrisB]

Something like project management, which is why he's chosen to pursue that in school.

 

How about this job in Lakewood?

[8circles]

Here is an opportunity for just about anyone in Denver to earn money by selling a street paper. Your DH or you or both of you could do it. Where I live, parents even sell with their kids (different city, different street newspaper). You set your own hours.

 

http://www.denvervoice.org/vendor-program/

 

Helpful for putting cash in your pocket right away and the staff will likely know the ins and outs of families trying to make it in Denver...flexible landlords, safe family housing programs, utility help programs, connections with organizations and companies looking to hire etc.

 

Also, if you are not already please get SNAP food benefits and WIC. Your situation is exactly why these programs exist. I grew up very poor and my family was homeless at times. Sometimes homeless in the way that you are now- living in someone's garage or basement or a motel (once for a year) and sometimes homeless sleeping in the clunker VW van homeless. My parents worked hard but had some challenges and my mother was disabled and caring for a disabled child. Hard for my dad to find work much of the time and we moved a lot. So I know the uncertainty and the making things fun for he kids and the worry over accepting help but I am the stable, comfortable adult I am today because of the opportunities and security afforded to me when my parents finally opted to get help outside of our church, through government and charitable organizations.

 

I'm glad you chimed-in Katie. Aubrey, listen to this girl. She knows what she's talking about.

 

:grouphug:

[chepyl]

My husband started his own window cleaning business. It is low costs for start up...squeege, bucket and some towels. He now has all kinds of gadgets...scrapers, scrubbers, ladders, etc. He knocks doors and does bids. If he goes out for 2 hours, he generally comes back with one job set up. He can make a couple hundred dollars in a few hours. He did not do as well early on, he had to learn how to bid the jobs well, and up his work time. He gets on window cleaning forum...window cleaning resource...I think, they talk about pricing, etc.

 

It is hard work, but immediate payoff. He collects a check as soon as he is done, goes to the bank.

 

The same could be done with lawn mowing, gutter cleaning...You just have to keep track of income for taxes.

[LucyStoner]

I'm glad you chimed-in Katie. Aubrey, listen to this girl. She knows what she's talking about.

 

:grouphug:

 

I wondered if I might "see" you here Allison! :D

[kolamum]

Aubrey,

 

since one floor is off limits for people in regards to your Mum's wishes could you make the basement floor off limits for her? Is there a door at the top of the stairs to help maintain boundaries?

 

Could you borrow money from the inlaws JUST for the bunk beds & 2 doors. 1 for the bathroom and one for the basement stair area. Is there room to convert the basement into your own little cozy, but small, apartment? Is there a door to the outside world down there? {I ask the later because sometimes there are insurance rules about living down there if there's no doorway going out.. but perhaps it's different if you own the home vs rent}

 

Ideally if you could section off the basement as your own area it might give all of you space. Could you use hotplates for cooking on down there instead of worrying about a full on stove. A crockpot would also give you liberties to your own abilities to cook as well as an electric fry pan. I don't know if you all ready own any of those items or not.

 

A small camp/office fridge might work in the basement so you could have the fresh food you'd need to cook. I know that living in a basement would be small, but not worse then a 1 bedroom apartment, right?

 

It would give you some space to spread out and open those boxes of books and use them! Are you within walking distance to a library? You could always do "school" there if you needed.

 

I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm sorry the situation with your family member isn't working out well, and I do pray that when she goes to the appointment it helps. While it's laughable to think about the family counciling meetings, who knows maybe it will help your mother see what she needs to see.

 

Last, but not least, as I'm sure you've all ready investigated this option.. Do you have a Habitat for Humanity in your area? They might be able to help you.. What about Salvation Army? In our area they also help people who need homes or funds.

 

 

We had some friends who took a job in another state.. the job fell through and they couldn't afford, for a while, to move out or to move into an apt. where they were. They ended up finding a hotel with great week long style rates. They didn't have to pay excess in advance, just the week they planned to stay. Go to the office and renew when needed that kinda thing. It was NOT ideal, but it worked for them and a cheap-o kinda job {Wal-Mart, McDonalds, etc.} allowed them to raise the minimal funds they needed.

 

 

Praying there's something better just around the corner.

[Garga]

Aubrey, you mentioned somewhere in this thread not knowing how to contact someone else's doctor.

 

When my friend was going thru severe PPD, I found out the name of her doctor, looked up his number, and called. I told the receptionist that he had a patient named X and that she was coming for her follow up appointment soon. I told them that I was a friend and concerned that she would not tell them the struggles she was having. I told them briefly of what I had seen: She would sit for hours staring at the wall and wouldn't eat unless someone would put food in front of her and command her to take a bite. She wouldn't take another bite until someone told her to take the next one. She wouldn't touch the baby. The people at the doctor's office thanked me for the heads up.

 

That's how you do it. Find their name. Call the number. State that they have an appointment soon and you're concerned that they won't be able/willing to tell you their symptoms, and you'd like to inform the doctor ahead of time, so s/he knows what to ask/look for.

[asta]

I have mentioned it to him, & he says he will look into it, but asthma is not his only health issue. All told, I'd be VERY surprised if they'd consider him.

 

Specialty positions in the Armed Forces have... different... requirements than do regular positions.

 

Even though he is not currently in seminary, I would still encourage him to talk to a chaplaincy recruiter.

 

And like Mrs. Mungo says, there is a great need for religious support "in the rear" while active duty chaplains are forward deployed.

 

 

a

[asta]

Another thing:

 

People mentioned MI people lying to their doctors et al.

 

Believe it or not -- most aren't. They *literally* don't remember what was said. The illness essentially wipes their memory. Their brain attempts to fill in the blanks, and more often than not, fails.

 

 

a

Edited August 17, 2011 by asta

[Mrs Mungo]

Specialty positions in the Armed Forces have... different... requirements than do regular positions.

 

Even though he is not currently in seminary, I would still encourage him to talk to a chaplaincy recruiter.

 

And like Mrs. Mungo says, there is a great need for religious support "in the rear" while active duty chaplains are forward deployed.

 

 

a

 

Also, it comes with full medical care. A large reason your dh's medical condition is out of control is that he hasn't had his medication for a while, right?

[annandatje]

Project management is a generic term. Aubrey, what field is he studying in? Construction project management? Someone who has managed apartment building projects would be wasting time to apply for information technology project management.

[Harriet Vane]

Aubrey, you mentioned somewhere in this thread not knowing how to contact someone else's doctor.

 

When my friend was going thru severe PPD, I found out the name of her doctor, looked up his number, and called. I told the receptionist that he had a patient named X and that she was coming for her follow up appointment soon. I told them that I was a friend and concerned that she would not tell them the struggles she was having. I told them briefly of what I had seen: She would sit for hours staring at the wall and wouldn't eat unless someone would put food in front of her and command her to take a bite. She wouldn't take another bite until someone told her to take the next one. She wouldn't touch the baby. The people at the doctor's office thanked me for the heads up.

 

That's how you do it. Find their name. Call the number. State that they have an appointment soon and you're concerned that they won't be able/willing to tell you their symptoms, and you'd like to inform the doctor ahead of time, so s/he knows what to ask/look for.

 

This is exactly what I did with my grandmother's dementia. I did have to say, in so many words, "I understand that the doctor cannot discuss my grandmother's health. However, I would like the doctor to hear my observations and concerns before he sees her so that he can evaluate with fuller information." They just needed to know that I would not pressure them to violate privacy concerns. Once that was stated, the doctor was really grateful for the information I gave him, and very, very supportive in our multiple conversations.

[Aubrey]

Aubrey, you mentioned somewhere in this thread not knowing how to contact someone else's doctor.

 

When my friend was going thru severe PPD, I found out the name of her doctor, looked up his number, and called. I told the receptionist that he had a patient named X and that she was coming for her follow up appointment soon. I told them that I was a friend and concerned that she would not tell them the struggles she was having. I told them briefly of what I had seen: She would sit for hours staring at the wall and wouldn't eat unless someone would put food in front of her and command her to take a bite. She wouldn't take another bite until someone told her to take the next one. She wouldn't touch the baby. The people at the doctor's office thanked me for the heads up.

 

That's how you do it. Find their name. Call the number. State that they have an appointment soon and you're concerned that they won't be able/willing to tell you their symptoms, and you'd like to inform the doctor ahead of time, so s/he knows what to ask/look for.

 

Thank you. I'm not sure how I'll get the dr's name, but I'll try!

[Impish]

Thank you. I'm not sure how I'll get the dr's name, but I'll try!

Check any Rx bottles.

[Oak Knoll Mom]

Aubrey, don't discount homeless shelters. I've worked at two and both of them had apartments for families. It wouldn't hurt to check them out.

[Storm Bay]

I've been off the boards and just saw this. Aubrey, I'm praying for you and your family.

[Aubrey]

Check any Rx bottles.

 

New dr.--if there were any rx bottles from her, my problems would be much smaller. ;)

[Dobela]

I am amazed that CPS would have a sq footage/gender requirement for children in a regular family. What is even more amazing is that the regulations wherever you live, Dobela, are stricter than the ones for foster families here. And CPS wouldn't usually have such requirements even for families they are trying to reunite. It's just weird to me.

 

 

We are former foster parents in Arkansas. When we were going thru the licensing process they actually meeasured each room before telling us how many beds and children we could have in each one. I don't about every reunification obviously, but I do know that for a few I witnessed the number of bedrooms and children was discussed in court with similar expectations. A judge could make exceptions however.

[Love_to_Read]

If you have to, agree to go and call the doctor afterward.

[Harriet Vane]

New dr.--if there were any rx bottles from her, my problems would be much smaller. ;)

 

This dr was a referral, right? Perhaps the original dr might give you the name?? I'm not sure though as that might violate HIPAA. It may be worth a try though.

 

Your other recourse is to casually question your mom. Only you know if that has any chance of success, though, with how up-and-down she's been. :grouphug:

 

I found my grandmother's dr by asking another relative for help. This person had taken her for appts in the past. He didn't remember the dr but did go into her room to look at a bill for me.

[Pink Fairy]

New dr.--if there were any rx bottles from her, my problems would be much smaller. ;)

 

Was it a referral from her old doc? If so, perhaps you could call the referring doctor and ask him to pass the information on. Also, we always receive an appointment reminder call from the office a couple of days before. Could you look at your mom's phone for caller id info, or listen to an answering machine message? Just throwing out ideas to see if anything sticks. :tongue_smilie:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Thank you. I'm not sure how I'll get the dr's name, but I'll try!

 

Would a Dr name be on any left over bottles of medication?

[Aubrey]

Was it a referral from her old doc? If so, perhaps you could call the referring doctor and ask him to pass the information on. Also, we always receive an appointment reminder call from the office a couple of days before. Could you look at your mom's phone for caller id info, or listen to an answering machine message? Just throwing out ideas to see if anything sticks. :tongue_smilie:

 

Cell phone only, but I can try calling her referring doc.

[katilac]

Cell phone only, but I can try calling her referring doc.

 

Doesn't your mom want you to go with her to the doctor? Even if not, I would just ask her what his name is. Don't get complicated until you have to!

 

I can't remember who suggested a newspaper route, but that can be a great way to start bringing in quick money (and it's pretty good money, usually). The bad news is that the hours suck mightily. The good news is that the hours suck mightily, so it's often easy to quickly get a route.

 

Also, make sure all the neighbors, even the rude and/or crazy ones, know that dh is job hunting.

[Aubrey]

Doesn't your mom want you to go with her to the doctor? Even if not, I would just ask her what his name is. Don't get complicated until you have to!

 

No, a counselor. And I told her I wanted to wait until after she sees the psych. Really, I said, "Hmm...seems like that might be something to think about after your dr's appt."

 

She emailed me today w/ the appt (w/out telling me that's what it was!): she set it for the same day, a few hrs later.

 

I don't want to go. Like really, REALLY don't want to go. Those things have been beyond futile when it comes to marriage counseling, & dh is sane.

[Oakblossoms]

I don't understand why she wants family counseling with you.

 

You are grown up.

She has problems.

 

Mom we don't need counseling. I love you very much. I think you are overwhelmed. When will you be seeing your Doctor to speak about your needs?

[Aubrey]

I don't understand why she wants family counseling with you.

 

You are grown up.

She has problems.

 

Mom we don't need counseling. I love you very much. I think you are overwhelmed. When will you be seeing your Doctor to speak about your needs?

 

Yeah, did I mention I'm dreading it? I don't see how any good can come of it. I'm pretty sure the whole idea is to get both parties to compromise. Dh pointed out that we *have* nothing--what can we concede?

 

But I'm afraid if I tell her I won't go, she'll think I'm not "willing to work on it." The truth? I guess I'm not. I'm willing to help HER work on it. Which, I think, is a counter-productive attitude for counseling (where counseling is appropriate).

[Carol in Cal.]

Yeah, did I mention I'm dreading it? I don't see how any good can come of it. I'm pretty sure the whole idea is to get both parties to compromise. Dh pointed out that we *have* nothing--what can we concede?

 

But I'm afraid if I tell her I won't go, she'll think I'm not "willing to work on it." The truth? I guess I'm not. I'm willing to help HER work on it. Which, I think, is a counter-productive attitude for counseling (where counseling is appropriate).

 

That's really a tough one. Seems like you can't win. I hate those kinds of situations. This Too Shall Pass, though.

[Dana]

Yeah, did I mention I'm dreading it? I don't see how any good can come of it. I'm pretty sure the whole idea is to get both parties to compromise. Dh pointed out that we *have* nothing--what can we concede?

 

But I'm afraid if I tell her I won't go, she'll think I'm not "willing to work on it." The truth? I guess I'm not. I'm willing to help HER work on it. Which, I think, is a counter-productive attitude for counseling (where counseling is appropriate).

 

Is this a counselor she's been seeing? It may be a way you two can talk in a "safer" environment for her.

 

It does sound like there are medication issues that need to be straightened out first though. Would it be possible for you to say you're willing to go with her but after she gets the medication adjusted correctly first? (I'd imagine that should take a month at minimum...)

 

Good luck.

[Garga]

Yeah, did I mention I'm dreading it? I don't see how any good can come of it. I'm pretty sure the whole idea is to get both parties to compromise. Dh pointed out that we *have* nothing--what can we concede?

 

But I'm afraid if I tell her I won't go, she'll think I'm not "willing to work on it." The truth? I guess I'm not. I'm willing to help HER work on it. Which, I think, is a counter-productive attitude for counseling (where counseling is appropriate).

 

Eh, just go. If the counselor has any sense s/he'll see what's going on. Or (again) find out the name of the counselor and tell them before the meeting that your mom has a psychiatric condition that is untreated resulting in bizarre encounters.

 

Maybe this doc will be able to give your mom some meds, or direct her to someone who will. (if the 1st doc doesn't.)

[Storm Bay]

Eh, just go. If the counselor has any sense s/he'll see what's going on. Or (again) find out the name of the counselor and tell them before the meeting that your mom has a psychiatric condition that is untreated resulting in bizarre encounters.

 

Maybe this doc will be able to give your mom some meds, or direct her to someone who will. (if the 1st doc doesn't.)

Aubrey, even if you don't have any issues and it's just your mother (which it sounds like it is), the counsellor may also be able to give you some stategies to help you cope or to manage with your mother as she gets any help she needs, particularly if you get to have some of your sessions separately. I'd insist on a counsellor who includes individual sessions and not just ones where you are both in the session together.