Scrub Jay Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 This is just info gathering for me since we're no where near adopting but it could be something we do in the future. Money is an issue but with DH's work we could be in a future position where it won't be a big issue. I know a lot of families have adopted on this board. Removing the financial aspect, what would be your preferred method of adoption (international, private, etc...)? Thanks for any input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 This is just info gathering for me since we're no where near adopting but it could be something we do in the future. Money is an issue but with DH's work we could be in a future position where it won't be a big issue. I know a lot of families have adopted on this board. Removing the financial aspect, what would be your preferred method of adoption (international, private, etc...)? Thanks for any input. We adopted internationally. I don't have an opinion about whether to adopt internationally or domestically, but I do have strong feelings about the *age* of the child. Unless you're an experienced foster parent or a parent of "older" adoptees, the best option for most people is newborn adoption. The younger the child, the less time he can be subjected to abuse, neglect and/or trauma. The longer a child lives in a less-than-healthy home, orphanage or foster home, the more long-term damage there can be. So, my only piece of advice is to get a newborn, if at all possible. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Satori Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We would love to adopt, but DH is so busy with his job. We attended adoption meetings and learned that the international adoptions can require you to be out of the country for quite a long time sometimes. So we couldn't do that. We then seriously looked into the older child adoption, but then balked at the possibilities for problems, like the previous poster mentioned. DH is working so very hard on being able to drop down to a job where he'd not have to travel and be more flexible, but that is two years. But after those two years, I'd love to revisit international adoption. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I don't really know anything about the pros & cons of adopting through various countries, but my friend adopted a special needs boy from China so I could see myself doing that. The paperwork was immense and it took longer than they expected (which seems to be the norm everywhere). Their son was born with spina bifida and received surgery through a charity while in China. They brought him home when he was a little over a year old, I think, and he has adjusted wonderfully. He seems to have had a very nurturing environment in his orphanage/group home. I would be wary of adopting a child from a country with a lot of problems with alcoholism or drug abuse, especially an older child who had exposure issues AND experience in an orphanage. If you adopt a newborn you do have a better chance of working with those issues, it seems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We have done private domestic and foster care adoptions. We considered international but the ever increasing requirement to be out of the country was a big reason we stopped. My dh's job is just not that flexible. If we had the option to do it again, I would seriously consider foster care again. More money would mean that we could add on to the house and make more space so each child could have a place of their own. I would still try to get as young as possible, but since the adult can't be more than 40 years older than the child we would be looking at toddlers or older. (I'm 41 and dh is 47). I would also love to adopt a sibling group so they could remain together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We are adopting through foster care which costs virtually nothing. We have only had to pay for fingerprints and updates to our house(beds, fire extinguishers, child locks.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Governess Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We would love to adopt, but DH is so busy with his job. We attended adoption meetings and learned that the international adoptions can require you to be out of the country for quite a long time sometimes. So we couldn't do that. We then seriously looked into the older child adoption, but then balked at the possibilities for problems, like the previous poster mentioned. DH is working so very hard on being able to drop down to a job where he'd not have to travel and be more flexible, but that is two years. But after those two years, I'd love to revisit international adoption. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) THere are pros and cons to every kind of adoption and quite honestly, the amount of money needed to has never been an issue with us in regards to which route we took, although we are far from rich. We adopted 3 children through the foster care system. Pros: You do get a pretty good profile about the history of the child. It's free. Cons: History of neglect/abuse/ likely drug abuse of parent. The "system" is absolutely a nightmare to work with and it's getting worse. 7 years ago when we got our boys, we waited for 2 weeks to be placed. We waited 6 months for our daughter. We've been waiting for 4 years now for #4 and we are letting our foster license expire and are giving up. I don't know if we are being discriminated against because of our age, the # of kids we already have or the fact that we homeschool but something is wrong. We are very disillusioned by the system that exists supposedly to help children, but in the end destroys many lives. We do not want to go private domestic because of the wait and we do not want an open adoption. Or at least as open as a lot of our friends have. We do not want to go international because of the amount of paperwork and we just don't trust that the background info given on the child would be true and are just really leery about the children put up of adoption internationally. I hate to be a downer. And I know I'm projecting my own frustration and sadness about our family dreams on this post. Adoption is a beautiful thing, it really is. But it is hard and frustrating on so many fronts and it seems to be getting worse unless you want to adopt a sibling group or children with special needs. Edited June 28, 2011 by KrissiK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qcaller Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Both my children were born in China. We adopted our daughter at 10 months and our son at 16 months. The experience was fantastic. The paperwork was not excessive and the trip in country was just 2 weeks long. Since then I have read about so much fraud and deceit in newborn adoption, both domestic and international. I don't think I could go that route again in good conscience. The wait time for healthy newborns from China has grown to 5-6 years and is steadily getting longer. That means the "supply" is not meeting the "demand." Which in turn means there is huge incentive for trafficking. Special needs adoptions from China are now the norm rather than the exception. The needs can be very minor or very severe but you only sign up for what you feel capable of handling. Our second child was adopted through this program and it was very smooth for us. I would do this again in a heart beat if finances were not a problem. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaMa2005 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 DS is adopted from China. He was a special needs child (limb difference) that turned out to be nothing. He came home at 28 months. We spent 2.5 weeks in China. If we were looking at doing it again, I would in a heartbeat. DS's adoption was seamless and he has fit into our family with barely a bleep on the radar. He is our biggest blessing and I pinch myself daily wondering what I did to get such a wonderful child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeytolily Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We have adopted twice internationally (Guatemala and SKorea), and once domestically. We are now just waiting to be chosen by an expectant mom for our 4th child! We had a failed adoption in Vietnam, before choosing domestic. Our two oldest children were both about 5 months old when we brought them home (very young for international, especially these days). Our littlest one, we brought home from the hospital at 4 days old. We chose newborn domestic adoption again this time. I love having a baby from birth! But there are also so many wonderful children from all around the world. I just find that these days, it's much harder to adopt internationally. Countries are closing or changing their rules, many places are experiencing much longer wait times, or are just not very stable. There ARE great places to adopt from, don't get me wrong - but most of the countries that I am drawn to wouldn't accept DH and me. We are too old, have too many children, don't have the required income, etc, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 If money were no issue, dh would definitely take the job in Thailand, we'd stay there for four or five years, and we would adopt there. It's simpler to initiate the adoption from there than here. But, given how awful it has been for Heather to get Natalie's U.S. papers so they can come home just for visit, we are now leery. With his current job, ds can't be out of the country for more than two weeks which pretty much negates all other international adoptions. Because of RAD issues, we are scared of a domestic adoption as most of the children are quite a bit older. Our original intent was to hire an adoption attorney in Managua, Nicaragua and adopt from there. At the time, Nicaragua did not allow U.S. adoption agencies to work within their borders. DH's mother had been to Nicaragua twice on medical mission trips to an orphanage there and we had two little girls, sisters ages 6 months and 18 months we desperately wanted. The adoption was going to cost $7500-10,000.00 and about the time we managed to save the money, Daniel Ortega was elected president and stopped all U.S. adoptions...he's the guy who was in power back when Reagan mined Nicaragua's harbors, so he's a real non-lover of America. Sigh...our girls, as we think of them, are still languishing and now dh (at 47) has aged out of their system. Even if adoptions were reopened to Americans, neither parent can be over 45. I still weep for my girls and finally had to put their picture away. MIL still stays in contact with the orphanage director and so far, they are okay. We get money through to the orphanage when we can...that's really hard to do because so much gets stolen. Our other plan, at $19,000.00 was Guatemala...dh had decided to borrow from his 401K before he got any older but there was some sort of scandal with an adoption agency and Guatalmalan/US adoptions were put on hold. I don't know if they have re-opened. We are about to "age" out of that country's requirements as well, so we are kind of giving up. But, maybe, just maybe, if dh made the leap and took the job in Thailand....the question will be, can we get our little one out when it's time to come home??? I know of one family getting ready to bring home their three year old daughter from China. It has cost them nearly $50,000.00. It has taken nearly three years to get their adoption finalized. I guess that if money were no problem, then this would be a possibility so long as DH hasn't aged out of China too. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracieT Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 If money weren't an issue I'd probably adopt internationally, probably Uganda. I have a BIL from Uganda and some friends who've adopted from there. Second choice would be foster care. I probably would not choose a domestic agency adoption. Our two adoptions were independent domestic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Internationally, our first choices would be special needs dc and anywhere in Africa or Asia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 internationally from Africa :) we have lots of international adoptions in our family and I would love to continue that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne115 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Internationally - We have two children adopted internationally. Our first is now nine years old. We adopted her at 7 months from Kazakhstan. We were in Kazakhstan for almost a month. Our second is from China. We adopted her in January. She is almost 19 months old. We were in China for about 2 1/2 weeks. Adoption has been such a blessing in our life. We really didn't consider domestic adoption, but I know people who have and it has been great. For me, I was uncomfortable with some of the laws for domestic adoption. I felt much more secure adopting internationally. I would love to adopt one more. I really want a little boy, but my husband says no. Hopefully, God will either change my heart or his. Regardless, I won't force the issue. Suzanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We've adopted twice, both domestically. One was adopted through a private agency (newborn). One was adopted through foster care (3 months). I'd probably adopt through foster care again if my husband agreed to adopt another. I'd love to adopt from Africa as well but I don't know that much about international adoption and it intimidates me. And yes... older children need homes badly!! But please educate yourself on RAD before any adoption that doesn't involve a newborn (and even then, it's a good idea). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 If I could I would adopt domestically and normally toddlers. Did you know that most kids not adopted in the first year NEVER get adopted?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogMom5 Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Our ds #2 is adopted from Guatemala. We went international because we wanted a preschooler and that is a difficult group to find in the U.S. Through a long and disappointing process, we discovered that preschoolers are in foster care but rarely come up for adoption. So, if you want to adopt domestically, you will need to request an infant or a school age child. Be careful with the school age children if you already have a child or children in your home. It's sad but true. That didn't really answer your question. Maybe we would adopt a special needs child from China. Or, we would go to Ethiopia. It doesn't really matter to us, as long as the child is healthy emotionally. Adoption is wonderful. It is often difficult too. Preparation is important. Take classes, read books, whatever you can do to prepare for the behaviors and emotions that come with it. Even an infant may have adoption related issues later. If you are prepared, you can handle the problems that come up. For us, it's been a challenging journey but each day brings increasing joy. We love our son and can't imagine life w/out him. I hope adopting goes well for you all too. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Our goal is to adopt domestically. Preferably a child under 4 (because of my own dds age). We would also like to adopt an older child domestically, once we are able to commit to possible issues. Right now that's just not possible with our DDs age and other factors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmama Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We adopted our daughter domestically as an infant through Bethany Christian Services. She was three weeks old when we brought her home. I would love to adopt again. There are many children, especially those with special needs, who are languishing in foster homes and orphanages all throughout the world. Since my DH is not interested in adopting again, I help support other orphans and raise money for them to be adopted. Click on my blog below or go to http://www.reecesrainbow.org if anyone wants to know more. There are several kids with big grants!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I would not change a thing about the way we adopted. We adopted through private adoption attorneys both times. We got our girls when they were two days old right out of the hospital. They are a different race than we are (we specified that we did not care what race they were) and anything other than a white newborn in the US is considered "special needs." Go figure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted June 28, 2011 Author Share Posted June 28, 2011 Thank you everyone for the replies. Like I said, not sure this will end up being our road to go down but I'm fact finding and grateful for all the input. I would not change a thing about the way we adopted. We adopted through private adoption attorneys both times. We got our girls when they were two days old right out of the hospital. They are a different race than we are (we specified that we did not care what race they were) and anything other than a white newborn in the US is considered "special needs." Go figure. They were seriously labeled this? That's mind boggling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We had such a great experience adopting from South Korea that it's hard for me to consider other countries or domestic. I'd have to say international adoption and South Korea specifically, if money were no object. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LNC Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 (edited) Foster adopt medically fragile/ disabled infant or child. This is what we did 13 years ago, and I would do it again :). Our adoption was transracial too btw. Edited June 28, 2011 by LNC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Our youngest son is from China. I would love to go again and get a girl, but DH is concerned about the cost and feels our family is large enough. Sigh. I was adopted through private adoption at birth in the US. So, our family has done both. I don't have a real preference other than I really wanted a child from China. My father was born and raised there and I just knew I wanted a Chinese baby and none of the Chinese guys would marry me so I couldn't make my own! :lol: Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Seriously? If money (and DH) were NOT an issue, I would adopt several special needs children from Asia or Guatemala, or Haiti. Ok, prolly from ANYWHERE! I would be somewhat picky about the special needs, but I would do it in a heartbeat. My friend is adopting a girl with club feet from China. Really? That's a special need? I would also consider cleft pallets (sp?), other limb issues, including a missing one, and correctable heart defects. And yes, I'd bring home 2-3 kids under the age of 12 mos. although that doesn't guarantee there won't be problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Yeah, that is what we thought too. Our son is missing fingers and toes.....not a special need IMHO. Dawn Seriously? If money (and DH) were NOT an issue, I would adopt several special needs children from Asia or Guatemala, or Haiti. Ok, prolly from ANYWHERE! I would be somewhat picky about the special needs, but I would do it in a heartbeat. My friend is adopting a girl with club feet from China. Really? That's a special need? I would also consider cleft pallets (sp?), other limb issues, including a missing one, and correctable heart defects. And yes, I'd bring home 2-3 kids under the age of 12 mos. although that doesn't guarantee there won't be problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellalarella Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We have six children. Number 3 and number 6 came to our family through adoption, both as infants through the ministry of Bethany Christian Services. Bethany is a private, non-profit agency that provides both international and domestic adoptions. The body of Christ provided for our adoption expenses. Our girls are African American and our experience was that there is a great need for adoptive parents of these babies. Someone today asked me what country they were from. Country? How about this very same city! When we got married, our intention was always to adopt and the very fervent cry of my heart was to meet needs that were local. I believe that was a desire that God planted in my heart. I have dear friends who had a deep hearts' desire to adopt internationally. So, I would suggest to anyone to adopt where you are most passionate. My experience has taught me that adopting a newborn does not mean that there aren't going to be issues. I went into our first adoption thinking that taking care of her would be exactly like it was for the first two children I birthed. It most certainly was not. She needed so much more bonding; sadly, I made mistakes and so have many of my adoptive-parent friends in this same situation. I did things very differently for for the second little girl we adopted. I also found that our family was really blessed to adopt the second time. It was hard for our daughter to look so different from the rest of us. Adopting our second little girl brought a beautiful balance to our family. Many of my friends that have adopted trans-racially, have adopted more than once as well. Blessings to you Andrea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 I also found that our family was really blessed to adopt the second time. It was hard for our daughter to look so different from the rest of us. Adopting our second little girl brought a beautiful balance to our family. Many of my friends that have adopted trans-racially, have adopted more than once as well. Both of our children are African American. With our first adoption we were open to any child and believed God would place the childwith us that he wanted with us. By the time we were ready to adopt again we had decided the next child would also be African American. My son hated standing out in the family. He wanted someone to look like him. We were also tired of being asked if he was our foster child when the white kids were the foster kids, not him. Now, we would consider any race/ethnicity again but I would really prefer African American. I would not change a thing about the way we adopted. We adopted through private adoption attorneys both times. We got our girls when they were two days old right out of the hospital. They are a different race than we are (we specified that we did not care what race they were) and anything other than a white newborn in the US is considered "special needs." Go figure. Originally Posted by MamaT I would not change a thing about the way we adopted. We adopted through private adoption attorneys both times. We got our girls when they were two days old right out of the hospital. They are a different race than we are (we specified that we did not care what race they were) and anything other than a white newborn in the US is considered "special needs." Go figure. They were seriously labeled this? That's mind boggling. Ours was not considered 'special needs' for our son, although the actual cost of the adoption was several thousand less than for a caucasian child. Why? They had African American birthmothers waiting for families, and African American babies staying with agency foster families waiting for an adoptive family of there own. On the other hand, the list and waiting times for caucasian babies was huge. In our agency alone there were over 30 people in line for a white baby, specifically a girl. AA boys were the least desired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracieT Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 People ask me all the time, too, what country my kids are from. When I say "Kentucky" they are surprised. :lol: I am SO thankful my boys have each other. They have the same birth mom and I love that they have someone else in the family who looks like them. (well, except my oldest looks just like my dh, which is crazy!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murmer Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 People ask me all the time, too, what country my kids are from. When I say "Kentucky" they are surprised. :lol: I am SO thankful my boys have each other. They have the same birth mom and I love that they have someone else in the family who looks like them. (well, except my oldest looks just like my dh, which is crazy!) Lol my dd is from that same country. I would do a domestic adoption but transracial since both of ours are African American. But that is because that is what worked for us...we want open adoption and infant. It's less about money and more about what fits the family best...that said if money was no object we would be adopting right now instead of waiting to save the money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 People ask me all the time, too, what country my kids are from. When I say "Kentucky" they are surprised. :lol: I am SO thankful my boys have each other. They have the same birth mom and I love that they have someone else in the family who looks like them. I get that all the time. Check out my avatar. Those are my kids and DH and I are white as the driven snow. Lately my oldest has really noticed his skin color and he tells people he was born in Africa. I think he seriously thinks that. He wasn't, though. We need to have a talk with him. He's bi-racial, African-American and Hispanic and we have people asking us if he's Middle Eastern. I, too, am glad that my boys are bio brothers because I think that'll help with the whole identity thing as they get older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetBean Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 We have six children. Number 3 and number 6 came to our family through adoption, both as infants through the ministry of Bethany Christian Services. Bethany is a private, non-profit agency that provides both international and domestic adoptions. The body of Christ provided for our adoption expenses. Our girls are African American and our experience was that there is a great need for adoptive parents of these babies. Someone today asked me what country they were from. Country? How about this very same city!When we got married, our intention was always to adopt and the very fervent cry of my heart was to meet needs that were local. I believe that was a desire that God planted in my heart. I have dear friends who had a deep hearts' desire to adopt internationally. So, I would suggest to anyone to adopt where you are most passionate. My experience has taught me that adopting a newborn does not mean that there aren't going to be issues. I went into our first adoption thinking that taking care of her would be exactly like it was for the first two children I birthed. It most certainly was not. She needed so much more bonding; sadly, I made mistakes and so have many of my adoptive-parent friends in this same situation. I did things very differently for for the second little girl we adopted. I also found that our family was really blessed to adopt the second time. It was hard for our daughter to look so different from the rest of us. Adopting our second little girl brought a beautiful balance to our family. Many of my friends that have adopted trans-racially, have adopted more than once as well. Blessings to you Andrea Our story is very similar. We had two children by birth, and then adopted through a one month old infant boy (transracial adoption - AA). Just 2 mos. ago we got a call that our son had a baby sister (same birth mother and same birth father). DD is home with us, and we are awaiting finalization, probably in the fall. I love the way God put our family. We had originally planned to adopt a sibling group from foster care in another state. Our state won't work with homeschoolers, so we had to work with a private agency. We were continually told that the older children we inquired about should not be placed in a home that already had children. We were completely surprised when we got that first call for an infant baby boy, and even more surprised when got the call for his sibling (baby girl). If money didn't matter at all, I'd adopt a huge sibling group. The money would be necessary to expand our house, not for the adoptions. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof3sofar Posted June 28, 2011 Share Posted June 28, 2011 Well since you asked, LOL, if 30K would fall from the sky right this very moment I would in line for a VERY SPECIAL little just turned 3 year old with CP from China!!!! She has stolen my heart in ways I can't describe but there just isn't any way for us to come up with that money right now! The climate of adoption changes daily, sometimes hourly! Our youngest is a SN adoption from China whom we brought home 5 years ago in January. She is the greatest blessing I have ever received! She was 20 months old when we traveled. She struggled for years with anxiety attachment issues but continues to heal everyday. Younger does not always guarentee a better transition though. I know parents who had tiny infants who did not bond with their parents as well as teens. The type of care they received prior to coming to your home more important than the length of time they were there first! As far as travel is concerned to somewhere like China it is NO LONGER required for both parents to travel for the adoption to be final and the child to be a citizen, I know MANY people who travel alone to do the adoption for many reasons and you have a guide with you at all times and usually a travel group so travel alone is not nearly as scary as it sounds! We currently are licensed foster parents in our state (since Apr 14th) and have not received even 1 call yet. We are even willing to take legal risk kids (a child who is still a ward of the state and not had parental rights terminated yet) The biggest problem with FC adoptions right now is that usually the only children adopted through FC are adopted by their foster parents but those parents must wait sometimes years for the adoption to be finalized. They are at risk of reunification that entire time though. RU is the goal of FC and you have to be willing to support that and hope for adoption. Some programs are adoption only but there are not many kids who are just waiting to be adopted, UNLESS you are willing to take a large sibling group, a child with major medical needs, or a teen. It is still not an easy road if you are willing to go down that route! All that is to say that you HAVE to follow your heart. Adoption has many twists and turns to be sure, and a decision made before you are ready to proceed will only end in heart brake because countries open and close all the time, domestic agencies change their rules because there will always be more families than children available (especially Caucasian girls :( ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellalarella Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 Thanks so much for sharing your stories! I'm encouraged to know there are so many of us "uniquely" designed families out there! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cin Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I would adopt AA in a heartbeat, but my MIL has, um, issues. It wouldn't be fair to the child. I would have adopted domestically too, but we were doing our adoptions about the same time as a semi-local story was erupting about 2 kids that were 3-7 yo and their birth parents wanted them back. That gave DH the heebie jeebies, and made me a bit leery also. I know it's RARE, but at that time money WAS not a problem, so we went the 'safest' way. DH and I both prefer the fact that BP are out of the picture until our daughters want the information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
craftyerin Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 We adopted my oldest son domestically, through the foster care system. He was 3.5 weeks old when he was placed. He is AA and we are white, and I would love another AA or mixed race baby to "balance" the family (we have bio twins, as well). I don't think I could do another foster care adoption, though. My son's case was particularly poorly handled, was drawn out far too long, and was very difficult emotionally on all involved. It was also not "free" once you consider the legal fees my husband and I paid for an attorney that would represent us in the conflicts that eventually took place in court. Like I said, it was messy. I would do a private domestic (newborn) adoption if we were ever to do it again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 If money truly were no issue, I would adopt internationally and live in the country where my child was born for at least a year before and after the adoption. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 I would adopt internationally - but there really isn't any other choice in Aus. It is virtually impossible to adopt domestically - because of the great welfare system most single mothers keep their babies and most children in the FC system are not adoptable -the most you will be given is permanent guardianship. I would love to adopt from SK because we lived there for a while - also China or Haiti or any country that isn't a European one really. I would be looking for a toddler or an pre-school aged child - a girl close to my DD's age would be great. I would also adopt 2 of the same ethnicity rather then just 1 - for the reasons that other people have mentioned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) I don't know. :) Edited June 30, 2011 by LibraryLover TMI Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) Foster care. It's not about the money. Currently, we are interested in 3-9yr olds, but will change that as reasonable for our situation. We have a real heart for challenging kiddos, ones others find difficult, who have had disrupted placements. Hubby prefers girls. I prefer boys. We'll have a nice mix I think :) Edited June 29, 2011 by 2J5M9K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 If money were no option, we would likely do 10-15 year old boys through the foster care system. The deal though would be that dh would need to have health insurance and be able to stay home full time. DH is wonderful with those boys that just fall through the cracks (kinda like the kid on the Blindside). We would take 3 or 4 of them, but again, it would be a full time thing for both of us. We adopted 3 with special needs through foster care and are licensed to do it again :-)--well, we will be once we move to our new place the end of August. We are certainly open to special needs but don't want a violent/sexually aggressive child as we have 2 very small and vulnerable teenage girls in the house. In years past we did a lot with medical issue foster kids--food allergies, delays, asthma, etc. all the way up to a kid with only 1 kidney, a vesicostomy, feeding pump full time, steel rods, learning delays, etc. He was a very high needs kiddo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted June 29, 2011 Share Posted June 29, 2011 We adopted internationally, even though it was more expensive to do so than the domestic adoption our friends did. These were the factors for us: 1. Heart-break: While things can happen in the process of any adoption, I heard far-more stories of birth-parents changing their minds and such in domestic adoptions than international adoptions. We knew that even if someone DID come forward to claim our child after we met him/her, getting matched with another child would not take nearly as long, and losing that child wouldn't be likely to happen a second time. Also, once that child was home with us he/she would be ours and no would take the child away. 2. Money: Even though you said if money was no issue, money is one of the reasons we chose international. We knew we were possibly spending more up-front, but we liked the fact that the fees were pretty much known. With a domestic adoption the fees can vary widely, and you can end up in a situation where you have paid all this money out to an expecting birth-mother just to have her change her mind in the end. That's money you've lost, in addition to the heartache. Maybe this wouldn't have been a factor for me if it had happened to random people on the news, but I worked with someone that this happened to and saw the emotional and financial impact it caused him and his wife. We were given an estimate, our adoption fell within that estimate. It made financial planning for the adoption a lot easier. 3. Privacy: DH opposed any form of open-adoption. He didn't want letters. He didn't want visits. He didn't want to meet the birth-parents. He didn't want to maintain relationships with the child's extended family or siblings. I would have been okay with some of this, but I feel in adoption, BOTH spouses need to feel comfortable with all the decisions made. DH wasn't comfortable with it. DH doesn't like to complicate any situation. He wanted our child to be our child with no strings attached. He also felt that sharing would be more confusing for our child. I actually saw many benefits to a semi-open adoption (like being able to answer my son's questions about his birth-family, why he was put up for adoption, etc) but as I said, I had to defer to my husband's comfort level. 4. Race: I hesitate to post this because you see that word and automatically think, "Racist!" I'm not racist. My husband is not racist. Again, this is one of those "deferring to my husband's comfort level" things because I wanted a baby, regardless of the race. DH felt that adoption posed enough issues without adopting a baby of another race. He knew everywhere we went, people would stare, people would question. Our child would be faced with questions from peers and have to listen to how "lucky" he was to be adopted by people who stopped us in stores, asked about our adoption, and learned that we adopted a child from an impoverished country. As it is, he's received this comment from people who have learned we adopted, so I know it would be far more prevalent if he was another race. He didn't want those issues for us, but he wanted them even less for our child. Also, my MIL is a self-proclaimed racist and is proud of the fact for some strange, inexplicable reason. At the time, she was having enough problems with the idea of us adopting without adding race into the mix. No one who sees us out in public guesses DS is adopted. Most think my kids are twins (our "surprise" bio baby is 13 months younger than DS), and I've heard so many comments about how he looks like me. 5. Culture: It's not quite the same as race. DH and his family are from Russia. Some people have an issue with children being taken outside of their cultures and being raised by American families. We planned that no matter where our child was from, we would do what we could to maintain their culture. That was a lot easier to do with a culture we already knew. It made sense to adopt from Russia since DH was from there. Coincidentally, DS's orphanage was 2 blocks away from the apartment where DH grew up. We passed it on the way to the orphanage. DS has grown up hearing Russian words, watching Russian cartoons, experiencing Russian holidays, and eating Russian food. 6. Wait times: I am not a patient person and after 2 years of infertility, I wanted a baby yesterday. With international, we were told how long it typically takes, and we had a baby in even less time than that. I know that is not always the case, but we used a small agency that worked with only a few countries and had excellent facilitators in place. They consistently completed Russian adoptions at the time within a specified window. With domestic you can have a baby a month later or 5 years later. I have no patience for not-knowing and not having a time-line. I'm way too type-A for that! Those are the reasons WE chose to adopt internationally. We had friends who adopted domestically around the same time. The big issues for them were getting a newborn and knowing the medical history -- something that doesn't happen in international adoptions. They didn't want a child with any health issues, and many internationally-adopted children DO have health issues. With adoption, you really need to weigh out the pros and cons of all the various options and come up with a list of things you can and can't live with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted June 29, 2011 Author Share Posted June 29, 2011 Thanks so much, everyone. This has been a very educational thread for me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetstitches Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 We are in the process of adopting again for the 5th time. All of our adoptions were domestic through an agency. Our first child is Caucasian but has special needs (we didn't know about them at birth.) Our other children are full Hispanic, full African American, and bi-racial Causian/African American. The baby we are matched with now is full African American. I just wanted to say that although the idea of adopting cross racially was VERY scary when we first considered it, it seems like nothing now. Also, our adoptions range from fully open to fully closed, and am much as I at one time never thought I would say this, I strongly prefer fully open. 1) It's great to have a line of communication if you need additional medical information in the future (which we have). 2) When the kids get older and ask questions and start to feel the pain of rejection from being adopted (and they will) it's great for them to have some contact. 3) When you feel like totally bragging about what your child is doing, there is no one it is more fun to brag to then the birth mom who totally wants to hear all the good things more than anyone else in your life. Yes, there are risks (we've had one adoption fall through) but overall it is so worth it. Monday I got to go to the ultrasound with this birthmom, we went to lunch, went shopping for the baby and got pedicures. It's was a great day, and I have great memories to hopefully share with the baby later. If you have any questions, pm me. edited to add: If you are concerned about wait times, if you adopt transracially they are practically non-existent. They had a birthmom to give our profile to before we even finished it, and she picked us immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Special Need, Girl, Internationally -- likely deaf, though maybe medical SN (money being no issues, we'd have tons to spend on her car and adaptive decives and the house and so on) we have been praying and waiting to adopt since 2004 ... and we continue to do so Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in the UP of MI Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 DH and I are both interested in international adoption, specifically from somewhere in Africa. It's been in my heart since our third was born and dh started talking about it after we had our fourth. I'm not sure if it will happen. It mostly depends on how many biological children we have. We're currently expecting our fifth, so it wouldn't be for a while. Our family has already been graced by adoption. Two of dh's brothers were adopted from Hong Kong, one of them shortly after we got married, so they are both young, 14 and almost 9. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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