Do you get offended when someone asks the grade-level of your child?

[m0mmaBuck]

I would not be offended if someone asked my child's grade level. I *would* be offended to have someone launch a verbal attack at me when asked a simple question. :tongue_smilie: She could have just said, "I would like to see my son placed with xx graders", or "my son is the same age as most xx graders".

 

The latter was the response we had expected but certainly not what we got. It was quite uncomfortable for everyone in the Pack because, obviously, everyone has answered the same question when they joined (for appropriate Den placement of the boys) and her response was quite loud and seemingly over-the-top. I wonder if she was feeling defensive based on anti-homeschooler interactions in the past. As I mentioned before, we had told her that there were other HS'ers in the Pack but perhaps she wasn't "feeling the love."

[twoxcell]

If someone asks my child's grade level for a group setting such as sports, Sunday school etc. I just tell them my child's public school grade. No biggie to me. ;)

[kalanamak]

It was really very odd (and somewhat embarrassing for me as a homeschooler AND the Pack Committee Chair).

 

:iagree: I bet it was. I'd keep an eye out for "Princess" behavior on her part. Sounds like she thinks she's special.

[AngieC]

So did she ever give a grade level or what was the outcome?

[SonshineLearner]

In the case of this, I would have said, "Oops sorry. What's your child's BD, because if not by grade... we do age." Easy... peasy... ;)

[jewellsmommy]

I do not get offended and I assume that they don't really care at what grade level my dd/ds can do math :lol:. They just want an easy way to categorize my child.

 

I have seen this same defensiveness arise in others, though.

 

In our AWANA club we have had both the "children in ps who were left behind" problem and the "my dc is so advanced that he/she needs to be placed 2 grades ahead" problem. I created a color coded chart that would place children by age and match them to the grade that our school system would place them as if they entered the yr that they were eligible for K and that they did not advance early or get left behind. I just have to ask for month of birth and current age. This way no one is embarrassed and there is no reason to "defend" what grade your child is in.

[Mrs Mungo]

I assign them to the grade they would be in if they were in school. I don't find it a big deal at all. Maybe they have sat through one too many Andrew Pudewa talks? He makes a big deal about this.

[angela in ohio]

I'm just going to say it... I hate that. Cub Scouts are organized by grade level. No one cares about their educational philosophy or their unique circumstances; they just need to know where to place the boys. It's the way the world works, and everyone (and their dc, to avoid blank stares) should know what grade their dc "should" be in and just give it when asked, regardless of what they do at home.

 

I think this often comes from homeschoolers misunderstanding how schools work. Students are grouped by age, but that doesn't mean they are all doing the same work. A child who does well in math isn't usually grade-advanced (except in very rare cases,) they are just given more advanced work or moved to the "high group." In a one-room schoolhouse, grade meant where you were at academically and what you had achieved, but now it means where they group you based on your age. Within each grade, there are dc doing work at a huge variety of levels. Have we used up our quota of "I don't think that word means what you think it means." for the week here? ;)

 

I agree with a pp that it is usually new homeschoolers that say things like this. When I was new, I did everything with homeschoolers and stayed in the homeschool bubble. As dc got odler, we realized that outside activities were actually prefereable most of the time, and we had to be in the "real world." When my dc go to Scouts, symphony auditions, art contests, etc., they need to be categorized by grade level. That's just the way it goes. No one cares that my kiddos are homeschooled or what they do academically, they just know which age group they "go with."

Edited May 29, 2011 by angela in ohio

[m0mmaBuck]

:iagree: I bet it was. I'd keep an eye out for "Princess" behavior on her part. Sounds like she thinks she's special.

 

We already have a few "Princess" moms in the Pack! At least they all realize I am the "Queen." :D

 

So did she ever give a grade level or what was the outcome?

 

After she was done, I explained that while I understood she did not like to categorize her children that way, I needed to know where to place her son... Our Tigers are 1st graders or 6-7 years old for that year of Scouting, Wolves are 2nd or 7-8, Bears are 3rd or 8-9, and so on... And I let her tell me where she thought he would fit.

 

I'm just going to say it... I hate that. Cub Scouts are organized by grade level. No one cares about their educational philosophy or their unique circumstances; they just need to know where to place the boys. It's the way the world works, and everyone (and their dc, to avoid blank stares) should know what grade their dc "should" be in and just give it when asked, regardless of what they do at home.

 

I think this often comes from homeschoolers misunderstanding how schools work. Students are grouped by age, but that doesn't mean they are all doing the same work. A child who does well in math isn't usually grade-advanced (except in very rare cases,) they are just given more advanced work or moved to the "high group." In a one-room schoolhouse, grade meant where you were at academically and what you had achieved, but now it means where they group you based on your age. Within each grade, there are dc doing work at a huge variety of levels. Have we used up our quota of "I don't think that word means what you think it means." for the week here? ;)

 

I agree with a pp that it is usually new homeschoolers that say things like this. When I was new, I did everything with homeschoolers and stayed in the homeschool bubble. As dc got odler, we realized that outside activities were actually prefereable most of the time, and we had to be in the "real world." When my dc go to Scouts, symphony auditions, art contests, etc., they need to be categorized by grade level. That's just the way it goes. No one cares that my kiddos are homeschooled or what they do academically, they just know which age group they "go with."

 

:iagree:

[HS Mom in NC]

I am not offended at the grade level question.

 

When people ask, based on placement, I simply answer the child's age. It's never been a problem in the 11 years I have hsed. It's been a non-issue in Sunday Schools, VBS, archery classes, gymnastics classes, city dance classes, music camp, etc.When it's asked as chit chat (not placing a child in a class) I have never had to say anything more than, "Oh, we hs, the grade level thing doesn't really apply to us-they move at their own pace." It's never been a problem.

[LibraryLover]

What? lol Gosh...my answer is Hell No.

[Running the race]

No. Not at all.

[Little Nyssa]

I wouldn't mind-- it's a perfectly reasonable question. It is an awkward one for our family, though, since DS is so tiny that people often guess that he is a grade or two lower than he is... that hurts his feelings. But I still think it's reasonable to be asked.

[EthiopianFood]

:rolleyes:

[Cortana]

Not a bit.

[Susan in TX]

I really wish they would just use children's ages in these situations. I wouldn't be offended though. We just answer with the grade the child would be in if they were in public school. This is hard to remember sometimes and we have had situations where the kids have been accidently put in the wrong grade in Sunday School and ended up in a class where the other kids were all a year older. It is especially difficult with my kids with August/September birthdays.

 

Susan in TX

[rlugbill]

My dd had trouble answering this question when people would ask her what grade she was in. I told her they really just wanted to know what age she was in terms of grade levels.

 

They weren't really asking what her achievement levels were in various subjects, which are different anyway. And the same goes for schooled kids. Some of them are working on different levels in different subjects, but the question is just a way of asking what age the child is in.

 

I agree that they ought to just ask what age the child is. But people ask about grades all the time and my dd just answers with the grade level she would be in if she were in school.

 

Yes, people will think homeschoolers are nuts if we go off on them about a seemingly benign question like "what grade are you in?"

[Dmmetler]

The problem for us, as I said, is that while DD was formally accelerated in school, I really don't want her accelerated in most of the activities she's in. For example, the Kinderclass at her gymnastics gym that she's been in this year is for 5-6 yr olds in Kindergarten. The level 1 is the same class, but for beginners age 6-12 in 1st-6th grade. I would MUCH rather have my DD in the kindergarten class, even though had she continued in a traditional school she would have been in 1st grade at school, because physically she was a better match for the kids her age than her grade-and I didn't want her with the occasional 10+ yr old who is trying to learn basic gymnastics skills so that she can join her middle school's cheer squad in a couple of years. But there is no way that I could have convinced DD that she wasn't a 1st grader this past year, but a Kindergartner since that's what 5 yr olds are after having gone through a ps year where she was in a Kindergarten classroom and having had a Kindergarten graduation. So, when I registered her for a dance camp that uses grade level next year to assign the girls to groups, I listed that she was a " very young 2nd grader-November birthday" and I'll let them figure out where to put her.

 

Fortunately, her gym had no trouble taking her birthdate instead of her grade-and her coaches were tolerant of DD's "I'm in 1st grade" statements when the kids were talking about school. They've got enough homeschooled kids (it's a Christian, all-girls gym) that they're used to grade and age not necessarily matching up, especially since one of the local cover schools encourages placing children at the level they're working, even if it means that you've got a 6 yr old who is a 4th grader or an 8 yr old who is a 1st grader.

[lionfamily1999]

But, the problem that Scoutmasters run into, is accelerated Cubs. Many moms simply don't get that an exception can't be made for her advanced child. This comes up a lot on Scout forums. That's why for Scouts, the boy needs to be in the age group that would fit his grade in ps. What do you do with a Web that has been in Webs I & II, but not old enough for Boy Scouts? We usually lose them to the program at that point, sadly...

:lol: I think we're talking circles around each other (and in agreement). Grade doesn't really matter, it's age. They ask grade because if they ask age there's a chance the child ends up one up or one down (depending on when their birthday is), but what they really want to know is what grade would the average child with your child's birthday be in.

I do not get offended and I assume that they don't really care at what grade level my dd/ds can do math :lol:. They just want an easy way to categorize my child.

 

I have seen this same defensiveness arise in others, though.

 

In our AWANA club we have had both the "children in ps who were left behind" problem and the "my dc is so advanced that he/she needs to be placed 2 grades ahead" problem. I created a color coded chart that would place children by age and match them to the grade that our school system would place them as if they entered the yr that they were eligible for K and that they did not advance early or get left behind. I just have to ask for month of birth and current age. This way no one is embarrassed and there is no reason to "defend" what grade your child is in.

:iagree:

[SweetBean]

I understand the whole "teach the children at their level" concept but if asked for a grade-level to put your child in an age-appropriate group, would your react this way?

No. I think most of us have a clue what grade our children would be if they were in a traditional school setting. No reason to get your feathers ruffled.

[learningmama]

Not offended, but I have learned in a situation like that to just give a simple answer and not go into big detail. Actually when people ask me what grade my kids are in, I actually have to stop and think before I answer because it's such a non-factor. I probably come off as a dumb mom because there is always a slight pause from me when asked.

[Alicia64]

ETA: hs'ers like the one you describe are part of the reason people think we're all nuts.

 

I agree. Sad, but true.

 

Alley

[Donna]

No, wouldn't be offended. I'd just answer according to age.

[Jenny in Florida]

:iagree: However, one of my good friends actually thinks that they do. :glare: Her dd works 2 grade levels ahead of where she would be if she were in ps, and the mom has always put her up two levels in everything else as well. For example, at church, the mom insisted that her dd be in the youth group (6th grade through high school) "because she's in 6th grade" when she was 9 years old! I never could get the mom to understand that in situations like that, the girl needed to be with kids her age instead of with kids who were on her grade level. I can't imagine that the teens in their church were too thrilled to have a 9 year old tagging along on all their events.

 

As with everything, this sort of thing depends entirely on the situation and the child in question.

 

For my daughter, from pretty early on, in any situation that involved academic content (including Sunday school), my daughter rarely did well with her age group. She got bored very quickly and would come home exhausted and cranky from having to hold in the irritation and be polite. She learned nothing, and the experience was unpleasant.

 

Most years, my kids have kind of "split the difference" when it comes to Sunday school placement. While we don't place them with their grade peers (which would usually have them two or more years ahead of their ages), we rarely place them with their age peers, either. Our daughter consistently worked four or more grade levels above her age, but we didn't ask to have her placed there for church activities. Instead, she usually bumped up just one grade level or group, which worked pretty well for her.

 

We've found they do best in mixed-age groups in which they are on the younger side. For example, my son has been the youngest in our church's middle school youth group for the last two years. All of his friends at church are one or more years older than he is and are moving up to the high school group next year. He will be doing high school work, too. So, our religious education director and the advisors didn't think it was even a question whether he should move up, too.

 

However, there were certainly some situations in which accelerated placement was not appropriate. In those cases, we just have our kidsnot participate. It is kind of sad, though, that our daughter ended up missing out on so many experiences because, by the time she was chronologically old enough she was intellectually and emotionally past being able to enjoy them.

 

I guess I'm thinking out loud here, but the point is that, while I wouldn't have been offended to be asked what grade my child is in, I do tend to get a little tense when the subject comes up in those situations. I immediately begin to wonder whether the activity will be a good fit for my child and how hard I'm going to have to fight to get him or her placed appropriately.

[m0mmaBuck]

Thank you for all of the input. I always felt like asking for a grade was akin to asking age. When the boys actually join the Pack, we get their birthdates on their applications and talk to the parents if we notice that their age doesn't match up with the Den we thought they belonged in. Most of our boys are public or private school kids and want to be in a group with the same boys they see at school every day. Our boys that are accelerated grade-wise run into a hiccup when they hit the Webelos rank and can't crossover to Boy Scouts because of their age, but they would still rather be with their schoolmates up until then. We dealt with this last year by allowing one Webelos II Den to meet with a Boy Scout troop (which is allowed by BSA policy as long as they are going as a den and still attending the monthly Pack meetings) until the boys were old enough to crossover.

 

I'm in my 4th year of doing this and honestly this is the first time I have ever had such an odd reaction to what I thought was a very basic question. I hope it is the last!

[Dell]

We wouldn't be the least offended, but would simply answer with what seemed the grade most appropriate. I can't imagine going into a diatribe about it! Very odd.

 

Unlike some, we place them strictly by age. We answer with a bit of a compromise that we believe truly "places" them as they'd be placed if they were being enrolled in public or private school here and would allow for red-shirting or placing ahead if appropriate. We'd take into account the best grade for the "whole child" and what they'd be placed in if we went to enroll.

 

Right now I'd place my youngest two by age level. Their academics are accelerated, but their social maturity isn't, and age level would be most appropriate overall and the easiest fit for the workers/teachers to group by. My three eldest, however, would be bored and very out of place at age level as well as very out of step academically. I'd place them at their academic grade or at a compromise between their age and academic.

 

We'd evaluate all that in a blink though, and simply smile and give a grade number for each. Absolutely no offense. In our case this came up in Sunday school placement. We didn't go into why, but simply stated the number we thought best--we'd explain if asked, but if the number fits and seems right most people would just take it at face value. (If they questioned the grade level we gave it might be a flag that we didn't place the child accurately, and we'd be very open to working with the facilitators to place the child in a group that would fit better.)

 

For this, I'd say my children are going into 7th, 5th, 3rd, 1st and PreK. The oldest three have "grades" ahead of their ages, the youngest two at age, but it's what is most accurate and where I'm confident they'd be placed if being enrolled in local schools.

[mommaduck]

No, I give the approximate answer. Sometimes I have said 4th/5th instead of just one grade. But seriously, unless asked or part of a discussion, one doesn't need to go into detail.

[KAR120C]

I understand the whole "teach the children at their level" concept but if asked for a grade-level to put your child in an age-appropriate group, would your react this way?

We had a situation where I really would have been perfectly fine with placing DS at the grade suitable to his age except that what the organizers thought that would be, for a) homeschoolers, b) summer birthdays, and c) boys... was two full grades lower than his age/grade. And when I politely objected, they pointed out that he was short, too. :001_huh:

 

I did not make a scene, but I did make some pointed comments to one of the people in charge, and we opted not to participate in their program.

[JessicaLady]

Can I just say I have the hardest time answering this question. I'm not doing it to be rude. My son is 6: we've just started Grade 1 reading/phonics and are about to start Grade 2 math. So, according to regular/p.s. he should be kinder-1st, but what is he? I don't know. I just tell them he's 6 and we work on everything.

[Dawn in OH]

Not offended, but it's a difficult question to answer sometimes.

 

:iagree:

[lionfamily1999]

Can I just say I have the hardest time answering this question. I'm not doing it to be rude. My son is 6: we've just started Grade 1 reading/phonics and are about to start Grade 2 math. So, according to regular/p.s. he should be kinder-1st, but what is he? I don't know. I just tell them he's 6 and we work on everything.

Here, they start K at age five, as long as they're five before the end of September. You could find out your school's cut-off date, if your son has a fall birthday, or just assume that if he was five by September of last year, he would be finishing up Kindy this year :D

[organicmom3]

I see no reason to be offended. While we want others to understand our thoughts on grade levels, it is impossible to expect them to without an explanation and long discussion.....I just see it as a reasonable questions based on their perspective. If I want them to understand MY perspective, then I must try to understand theirs. I can simply explain and pray they have understanding...if they dont, I can keep praying.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

No.