Introverts: Do you force yourself out into the world?

[Mejane]

I have six things I committed to over the next ten days that will take me out among large groups of people. I seriously want to dig a hole, climb in, and cover myself right now, but I'll plaster on a smile and go forth. When it's all over, I'll crash and burn like the Hindenburg. Tell me I'm not the only one who does this foolish thing. :tongue_smilie:

Edited May 11, 2011 by Mejane

[cdrumm4448]

Oh, no. You're not alone. I like staying home as well. I do a lot of things outside my house because my kids want to. I could stay home for weeks!

[lmkzbcb]

Hey, that is a good idea to make a list to kinda force yourself out. Do you want to share what they are so others can glean from your wisdom? :D

I need to start somewhere.

 

I could stay home for weeks!

 

Ditto!

[KidsHappen]

No because I don't really see a need or reason to do so but if you want to and you are accomplishing your goals then I think that is great. Good Job! :thumbup:

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I will not commit to events or any type of thing that involves child-free "mingling". I don't like people, don't know how to mingle, don't care to talk about most topics that seem to be relevant to my age group.

[Parrothead]

I will not commit to events or any type of thing that involves child-free "mingling". I don't like people, don't know how to mingle, don't care to talk about most topics that seem to be relevant to my age group.

If ever forced to a child-free event, take me with you. We have so much in common.

 

I've got an event on the 21st. I'm concentrating on the dress and hair at the moment. I really don't want to think of mingling.

[Aubrey]

I limit mine to about twice a month for the big stressful stuff: bil's wedding, Mother's Day, family bday parties. No more than 2 other informal events in the same month, & never too close to the stressful events & never on the empty-box-calendar weekends.

 

Except when I have to. I'm getting better at saying no, but not at not feeling guilty.

[Firestar Academy]

Oh, no. You're not alone. I like staying home as well. I do a lot of things outside my house because my kids want to. I could stay home for weeks!

:iagree::iagree:

 

I will not commit to events or any type of thing that involves child-free "mingling". I don't like people, don't know how to mingle, don't care to talk about most topics that seem to be relevant to my age group.

 

:lol::lol:this is so me....

 

right now sitting on my laptop while my kids dance for 4 hours....

Robin

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Aubrey]

Hey, that is a good idea to make a list to kinda force yourself out. Do you want to share what they are so others can glean from your wisdom? :D

I need to start somewhere.

 

Sincerely asking--why would this be a good idea? I don't ever see threads w/ extroverts asking if they force themselves into convents or vows of silence for a week at a time.

 

I say don't let society pressure you into something painful & unnecessary. That would be like some of the ladies on the boards w/ chronic health issues figuring out ways to force themselves to push through the pain that SHOULD be a warning to them to STOP.

[Mom0012]

I will attend things for my kids' sake that I wouldn't just do for anyone else. Most of the situations I wind up in are pretty benign -- hanging out with moms on the bleachers during swim practice, talking to the other moms during ballet (though I have been running errands a lot lately), attending piano recitals or choir performances and socializing afterwards. Once in a while I have to do something that really pushes me out of my comfort zone like going camping with the Girl Scouts:ack2:. It's especially awful because I hate camping and on top of that all the other moms live on the same street and know each other really well. All their kids ride the bus together to school.

 

The only adult activity I've had to engage in for years that pushed me has been my husband's company Christmas party. I would never choose to attend something like that, but it's important to him.

 

Lisa

[OnTheBrink]

I have six things I committed to over the next ten days that will take me out among large groups of people. I seriously want to dig a hole, climb in, and cover myself right now, but I'll plaster on a smile and go forth. When it's all over, I'll crash and burn like the Hindenburg. Tell me I'm not the only one who does this foolish thing. :tongue_smilie:

 

No, you're not alone. I liken such events to running through the sprinklers on a hot day. I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, then I close my eyes, run through and am thrilled when it's all over.

[elegantlion]

i didn't want to open this thread. I can be social, I just don't want to.:D

 

Did you hear about the get together for the group of introverts?

 

1. It kept getting pushed back because everyone made excuses of why they couldn't attend. :lol:

 

2. it happened but no one spoke up to ask if they were part of group. It ended up looking like a bunch of women having coffee by themselves.

 

:lol::lol:

[TKDmom]

I have six things I committed to over the next ten days that will take me out among large groups of people. I seriously want to dig a hole, climb in, and cover myself right now, but I'll plaster on a smile and go forth. When it's all over, I'll crash and burn like the Hindenburg. Tell me I'm not the only one who does this foolish thing. :tongue_smilie:

 

<shudder>

 

Only if dh makes me go. :tongue_smilie: Lately, I've been having to push myself just to get to church (where I can just sit in a corner and not mingle). I've realized that I'm suffering from being around 4 needy, demanding children 24 hours a day (they even come visit me in the middle of the night). I'm not getting enough alone time.

 

If I was home alone all day, I might want to go to social events...

[Mejane]

The reason I do it is two-fold. One: my mom was a total hermit, no friends, no social life - never went anywhere but the grocery store. I swore I would not end up like that. Two: I don't want to set a bad example for my kids, so when I'm asked to do something, I try to say yes. I also try to be social in a healthy way (going out with friends or dh occasionally.) Like I said, I don't want them looking back and saying, "Oh, Mom. She was a crazy hermit." :D

 

The things I'm doing are a book club meeting, curriculum fair, flower sale for the ballet school my kids attend, two dance performances at which I'm volunteering, and a graduation reception shindig. Only the book club is for me (I made myself join), but even that will take out of me. Silly, I know.

Edited May 11, 2011 by Mejane

[Mejane]

I've had to travel for Order of the Arrow last week, after a home swim meet, chairing a Scout meeting and sitting through swim lessons for Scouts, then travel to dd's orchestra concert (and sit through a HATEFUL meeting with nasty women--we've left orchestra) and then travel to a harp lesson and 2 concerts in Boulder and then to another Boy Scout meeting (potluck--good thing I brought a main dish as I never dare to eat anything due to allergies) last night. I'm meeting-out and traveled-out and I got to stay HOME today! Dd hauled kids around (and I just made dd sit and wait for swimming) and they're all headed off to 4-H and I'm staying HOME! However, I have to haul the boys' swim team to Regionals this weekend and dash across town to Regional track during part of it. I don't like to travel and I don't like meetings and I don't like crowds, etc. I've had quite enough, thankyouverymuch!

 

Well, that makes me feel a bit better about what I have to do. :tongue_smilie:

[Mejane]

No, you're not alone. I liken such events to running through the sprinklers on a hot day. I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to, then I close my eyes, run through and am thrilled when it's all over.

 

Exactly! And I get to say I did it. :001_smile:

[Wheres Toto]

I have a bad habit of signing up for things and then hoping for rain or some other excuse to not go. I make the attempt because it's usually for the kids and they love to be around other people.

 

I do much better with things that have a purpose (even if its just to watch the kids play t-ball or dance) than I do at adult social events like company parties or bbqs.

[myfatherslily]

i didn't want to open this thread. I can be social, I just don't want to.:D

 

Did you hear about the get together for the group of introverts?

 

1. It kept getting pushed back because everyone made excuses of why they couldn't attend. :lol:

 

2. it happened but no one spoke up to ask if they were part of group. It ended up looking like a bunch of women having coffee by themselves.

 

:lol::lol:

 

LOL! Oh, it's so good to know I'm not alone:) Esp. #2!

[Lisa R.]

I don't like people, don't know how to mingle, don't care to talk about most topics that seem to be relevant to my age group.

 

You don't like people? You have a dh? And kids? Perhaps you mean that you prefer to be around family rather than strangers or those you don't feel close to.

 

I think it is healthy to be able to be in the community at some level. Extraverts will be out more, of course. However, I think it's still important for *all* of us. Why? It sets a good example for our children (do you really want your kids remember you as unsocial?) and shows them how to act in the world around us. Really, isn't it mostly stay-at-home moms that are able to have the option of rarely leaving the house. Our kids may not have this option and need learn and observe how to act in different public settings and around different types of people.

 

One thing I've observed about successful people is that they typically know how to act in any social situation. Some people have an intuitive sense about this. However, most of us learn through exposure and teaching/modeling.

 

I think it's worth going out of our comfort zone to teach and model social behavior.

[lmkzbcb]

Sincerely asking--why would this be a good idea? I don't ever see threads w/ extroverts asking if they force themselves into convents or vows of silence for a week at a time.

 

I say don't let society pressure you into something painful & unnecessary. That would be like some of the ladies on the boards w/ chronic health issues figuring out ways to force themselves to push through the pain that SHOULD be a warning to them to STOP.

 

:lol: Very funny about the extroverts, but I do have extroverts in my family who do force themselves to stay home and take care of "business". They would much rather be out with friends or doing stuff in a social atmosphere, but they also realize that it wouldn't be balanced and their household (bills, yard, etc.) would be a mess.

 

So, in answer to your ?..... although I am intro., the majority of my kids are extro. I need to step out of my comfort zone for their sake, to keep some balance in my life (exhaustion is okay occassionally), and so that when I do need a friend (as stuff does happen sometimes - good and bad) there is actually atleast 1 person that I can call and who can call me.

 

There are some lines from a song that is running through my head right now. It's by Cowboy Junkies called "The Good & The Bad".

 

The lines:

 

Living is good when you have someone to live with

Laughter is bad when there is no one there to share it with

Talking is sad if you've got no one to talk to

 

 

[Love2Smile]

So glad I am not the only one! I hate mingling and I am NOT a people person. I'd much rather stay home!

[Sophia]

Sincerely asking--why would this be a good idea? I don't ever see threads w/ extroverts asking if they force themselves into convents or vows of silence for a week at a time.

 

 

I think it's a good idea when you are an introvert but your children aren't.

Especially when they are younger, they really are at your mercy for getting out with other people.

As for the extroverts~dh isn't taking a vow of silence or entering a convent :lol:, but he does say no to many social events he would love to attend because he knows I'd be miserable.

And sometimes I force myself to go because I know it will make him happy.

[Mejane]

I have a bad habit of signing up for things and then hoping for rain or some other excuse to not go.

 

I do this, too. I once heard a comedian say that he sometimes thinks about throwing himself in front of a bus to get out of doing something he doesn't want to do. It cracked me up because it sounds like something that might momentarily cross my mind. :D

Edited May 11, 2011 by Mejane

[Aubrey]

:lol: Very funny about the extroverts, but I do have extroverts in my family who do force themselves to stay home and take care of "business". They would much rather be out with friends or doing stuff in a social atmosphere, but they also realize that it wouldn't be balanced and their household (bills, yard, etc.) would be a mess.

 

I don't think introverts like mowing the lawn or paying the bills, either. ;)

 

So, in answer to your ?..... although I am intro., the majority of my kids are extro. I need to step out of my comfort zone for their sake, to keep some balance in my life (exhaustion is okay occassionally), and so that when I do need a friend (as stuff does happen sometimes - good and bad) there is actually atleast 1 person that I can call and who can call me.

 

Kids: sure. When they've got stuff, I take them, & I don't count that. (Although I do factor in how much I can take & send dh to take them as often as I can. lol)

 

Friends: My experience is different. When I've had people in my life, I have generally not asked for help. The rare exceptions always happen when they're busy. A good friend is totally worth it, but...you stack too many of those up, & getting together even once a month, if it's 5-10 people, equals more than once a week. :svengo: Most people? I enjoy while I see them & then I'm much gladder to be home. I've met a very small handful of exceptions. I married one of them. :lol:

[Aubrey]

I think it's a good idea when you are an introvert but your children aren't.

Especially when they are younger, they really are at your mercy for getting out with other people.

As for the extroverts~dh isn't taking a vow of silence or entering a convent :lol:, but he does say no to many social events he would love to attend because he knows I'd be miserable.

And sometimes I force myself to go because I know it will make him happy.

 

Ok, I got the impression that some of y'all were viewing it like exercise: good for its own sake. I understand doing it for others.

 

Pp said she didn't want her kids to think of her as a hermit. Me? My kids know what I am; no reason to pretend to be something else all the time & then get home & make them pay the price of my resulting emotional instability. ;) :lol:

[mlbuchina]

I don't like people, don't know how to mingle, don't care to talk about most topics that seem to be relevant to my age group.

 

Yep.

 

No because I don't really see a need or reason to do so but if you want to and you are accomplishing your goals then I think that is great. Good Job! :thumbup:

 

:iagree:

 

I do a lot of things outside my house because my kids want to. I could stay home for weeks!

 

They are the only reason I leave the house a lot of the time!

 

See I'd love to meet you ladies IRL, but I know it wouldn't happen since we are all introverts and that isn't our thing. I am an extrovert magnet (and I'm talking about the in your face controlling type).

 

Most of my friends have "made" me be their friend!:lol: I am greatful for each and every one of them.

 

I limit mine to about twice a month for the big stressful stuff: bil's wedding, Mother's Day, family bday parties. No more than 2 other informal events in the same month, & never too close to the stressful events & never on the empty-box-calendar weekends.

 

Except when I have to. I'm getting better at saying no, but not at not feeling guilty.

 

Wait, you can say no???

 

Sincerely asking--why would this be a good idea? I don't ever see threads w/ extroverts asking if they force themselves into convents or vows of silence for a week at a time.

 

I say don't let society pressure you into something painful & unnecessary. That would be like some of the ladies on the boards w/ chronic health issues figuring out ways to force themselves to push through the pain that SHOULD be a warning to them to STOP.

:iagree:

 

So glad I am not the only one! I hate mingling and I am NOT a people person. I'd much rather stay home!

 

Me either. I never have been. Books are much better.:D

 

I come from a long line of introverts. Like my aunt says, "I just want to be around my 'people' (family and friends who have broken through the introvert barrier:tongue_smilie:)."

[mlbuchina]

I don't think introverts like mowing the lawn or paying the bills, either. ;)

 

 

 

Kids: sure. When they've got stuff, I take them, & I don't count that. (Although I do factor in how much I can take & send dh to take them as often as I can. lol)

 

Friends: My experience is different. When I've had people in my life, I have generally not asked for help. The rare exceptions always happen when they're busy. A good friend is totally worth it, but...you stack too many of those up, & getting together even once a month, if it's 5-10 people, equals more than once a week. :svengo: Most people? I enjoy while I see them & then I'm much gladder to be home. I've met a very small handful of exceptions. I married one of them. :lol:

 

:iagree: Aubrey, I think we are two peas in a pod!:lol:

[mlbuchina]

Pp said she didn't want her kids to think of her as a hermit. Me? My kids know what I am; no reason to pretend to be something else all the time & then get home & make them pay the price of my resulting emotional instability. ;) :lol:

 

Seperated at birth, I tell ya!:smilielol5:

[Aubrey]

Sawing off your own arm is a real sacrifice, to be done in case of emergency for loved ones only. (Maybe the fate of the WHOLE world, but not one person less.)

 

But sawing off your own arm is a one-time deal. Not twice a week plus PTA meetings.

[lmkzbcb]

I don't think introverts like mowing the lawn or paying the bills, either. ;)

 

If I had to choose between mowing the grass and paying bills vs. going out to a social event, I would choose grass and bills any day. (okay maybe not when it is 110 outside).;)

But if you ask an extrovert that, they will tell you party any day of the week. Problem is it isn't practical to either be social all the time nor is it to be in my house or yard all the time.

 

Kids: sure. When they've got stuff, I take them, & I don't count that. (Although I do factor in how much I can take & send dh to take them as often as I can. lol)

 

This may explain the difference. You are currently moving out of your comfort zone b/c you are taking your kids to stuff. Therefore, you are doing enough all ready. I am not.

 

Friends: My experience is different. When I've had people in my life, I have generally not asked for help. The rare exceptions always happen when they're busy. A good friend is totally worth it, but...you stack too many of those up, & getting together even once a month, if it's 5-10 people, equals more than once a week. :svengo: Most people? I enjoy while I see them & then I'm much gladder to be home. I've met a very small handful of exceptions. I married one of them. :lol:

 

Yep, 1 good friend is worth it!! In season and out, in joy and sadness, ...etc.

If I am going to find that friend, I have to be that friend, and more importantly.......... I have to leave my house. :lol:

[lmkzbcb]

But sawing off your own arm is a one-time deal. Not twice a week plus PTA meetings.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[elegantlion]

My dh is an extrovert. In the last week he has talked to the neighbor (we're both new to the neighborhood) several times and borrowed his lawn mower. The last time he was out talking to them I was cooking and couldn't go outside (otherwise the pets would eat said food). Everytime I go outside the neighbors are not out. In fact dh was gone for a week recently and I NEVER saw the neighbors. Do extroverts just attract people to come out and talk?

 

What if your ds is a hermit too? We almost have to coax ds out of his room on the weekend. Our saving grace is when we walk the dog. Everyone wants to pet the dog. That may be the only way my ds will ever talk to a girl. He'll be 35 and I have to send him out to walk the dog. :lol::lol:

[Hwin]

I always think "this will be fun" and instead it sucks the life out of me. My son is an extrovert and an only child, though, so I DO have to go out and do things with him, like or not.

[Peela]

I like being at home a lot but going into the world feels good for me too and I do make sure I get out of the house a few times a week. I do not want to hide at home even though it is comfortable- and I am not scared of people or interaction with them- I just get people burn out really easy, but people are also wonderful, so I crawl out of my shell- my comfort zone- regularly to interact.

I learned to get out there because I homeschooled my 2 extroverted, social animal kids.

[Mejane]

My dh is an extrovert. In the last week he has talked to the neighbor (we're both new to the neighborhood) several times and borrowed his lawn mower. The last time he was out talking to them I was cooking and couldn't go outside (otherwise the pets would eat said food). Everytime I go outside the neighbors are not out. In fact dh was gone for a week recently and I NEVER saw the neighbors. Do extroverts just attract people to come out and talk?

 

 

 

I think they do. Your dh sounds like my dh. We have a 400 ft. driveway, so he actually hangs out by the mailbox hoping someone he knows drives, runs or walks by. He has been known to accost the mailman. I, otoh, make the kids go get the mail so I don't accidentally run into anyone. :D

[Word Nerd]

I'm an extroverted introvert for the most part. The extrovert within me tends to volunteer to do things that sound neat or fun, but often when the actual date arrives I'm in introvert mode and not in the mood to do whatever I volunteered for or committed myself to do. I once found myself on a plane flying to Australia on a Rotary fellowship, wondering what in the world had possessed me to do something so crazy. (It was an amazing experience, and I'm glad E me pushes I me out of her comfort zone.)

[justamouse]

I'm the same. I have a huge thing this weekend and I'll need to stay at home for at least three days after to find my equilibrium again.

 

I had Easter at my house and I'm just recovered enough to do this thing.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I've learned to be around others in large groups, but it's always hard. I've even learned to enjoy it some, but still, when I get home I crash. I need lots of quiet alone time to balance the intense time of being with so many other people. I do much better in small groups, preferably somewhere quiet.

[SonshineLearner]

Funny, thinking today about being and introvert or extravert and how it works with friendships. I am sometimes an extrovert, but don't enjoy parties where everyone is just chatting each other up... And my "friends" are usually acquaintances, and so when I switch say... homeschool groups or churches... I realize how I don't have friends.... Makes me wonder what I'm getting out for... maybe I should pay more attention to my house, home, family... and bills ;)

 

PS, I cringe every time I think about Christmas parties or having dinner with my husband's co-workers... UGH!!

[Aubrey]

Do extroverts just attract people to come out and talk?

 

No. Ask me how I know. :001_huh:

 

Yes, Total Stranger, I am so sorry to hear about that fungal infection, mental illness, body in the backseat of your car. Please. Tell me more.

[newbie]

No. Ask me how I know. :001_huh:

 

Yes, Total Stranger, I am so sorry to hear about that fungal infection, mental illness, body in the backseat of your car. Please. Tell me more.

 

You reek warmth and kindness, that is why we all love you.:D:D

[Mejane]

No. Ask me how I know. :001_huh:

 

Yes, Total Stranger, I am so sorry to hear about that fungal infection, mental illness, body in the backseat of your car. Please. Tell me more.

 

Aubrey, you are on a roll tonight, girl! :D

[newbie]

I have been forcing myself to go outside only b/c we need the money, but picking up poop after puppies while walking them, is making me want to run right back inside.

[LauraGB]

I have six things I committed to over the next ten days that will take me out among large groups of people. I seriously want to dig a hole, climb in, and cover myself right now, but I'll plaster on a smile and go forth. When it's all over, I'll crash and burn like the Hindenburg. Tell me I'm not the only one who does this foolish thing. :tongue_smilie:

 

Yes! If I don't make myself be out there in the real world, I might melt into Non-ness. I hate every single stinking minute of it.

 

I had an all day tote-the-kids-to-this/that/other thing commitment yesterday, and then all day kids commitment stuff on this upcoming Friday and Saturday. When I think about it, it seems like two weeks worth of commitments, and I get tired and itchy just thinking about it.

 

But my salvation is to consider it's only "this many" hours and it'll be over. And then "that many" hours and I can go home. I Can Do It! It will end! Yahoo! That's how I get through those things. And, sometimes I even smile. (It's usually pretty fake, my smile, but I put it out there just so I can look back and see how cool I have actually become :D)

[6packofun]

I make myself do things outside of my comfort zone as an introvert because I don't think Jesus sees introversion as an excuse not to be IN the world doing His work, even though it can make me REALLY uncomfortable. So yes, I sometimes make myself hang out with people or serve others or go places when I'd be just as happy staying at home. lol :D

[Cedarmom]

I do force myself sometimes. Because once I do I like it. In limited amounts. I have found that I do end up feeling cut off from others and not building the friendships I want if I don't push myself some. But then I also give myslef permission to have quiet too. Its the quiet that recharges me and I need it.

[lmkzbcb]

But my salvation is to consider it's only "this many" hours and it'll be over. And then "that many" hours and I can go home. I Can Do It! It will end! Yahoo! That's how I get through those things.

 

Hey, good idea. I'll be borrowing that one.