Do you "hide" the real YOU from your children?

[Sahamamama]

People have always told me, "Beth, you're deep."

 

My mother puts it less poetically. She says, "Beth, you're complicated."

 

My father says, "Beth, you're a pain in the neck."

 

My husband has no comment.

 

Today I was telling the girls a Bible story (about the Fall of Man) and got all wound up in it. I was so DRAMATIC! :D The girls loved it, but their eyes were popping :001_huh: as if to say, "This is MOMMY?" I was so glad Mary didn't cry, LOL, she would be the one to say, "Who are you, and where did you put my mother?"

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

But I was always like this before I had children. I taught, I tutored, acted in church plays, even musicals (gasp), I preached, I went to Belize, Malawi, Mexico, worked in crack houses and projects, worked in mental hospitals and group homes, got two degrees, went to seminary, wrote curriculum, edited, had a shape that was recognizably human.....

 

Sigh.

 

My girls have NO IDEA who I really am. Or is that who I used to be?

 

Are you dramatic or artistic, but only in another time frame? Only in your head? Only when they're not looking?

 

What do you hide from your kids? If you let it out, would it freak them out, or just surprise them?

 

Sarah said, "Whoa, Mommy, that was some Bible story. You got so DRAMATIC! Wow."

 

And I was thinking, if you only knew...

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your kids are still fairly little. My kids have seen much more of the real me as they've gotten older and I've felt free to branch out a bit.

[amy g.]

No, My kids know me as well as it is possible to know a person.

[justamouse]

My girls have NO IDEA who I really am. Or is that who I used to be?

 

Are you dramatic or artistic, but only in another time frame? Only in your head? Only when they're not looking?

 

What do you hide from your kids? If you let it out, would it freak them out, or just surprise them?

 

Sarah said, "Whoa, Mommy, that was some Bible story. You got so DRAMATIC! Wow."

 

And I was thinking, if you only knew...

 

They are young. You're still getting out of hard work momma mode. When you're living that season, you're lost in what you have to do. Later, when you start to relax it starts to come back and then they're like, "You had a LIFE before I arrived?!"

[Kate CA]

I have always been who I am with my children. I have changed as I age though - and am quite glad I am not who I was when I was first a mother. :001_smile:

 

I don't know why I would hide my own personality from them. :confused: I guess I would ask you, what are you hiding and why?

 

ETA: I am much more at ease though, as my children get older. I love having older children - they are delightful.

[KristinaBreece]

I wouldn't say "hide," but I spend so much time in full Mommy mode right now that it would be hard for my littles to see me as an actor, a musician, a basketball player... all of the words I would have used to describe myself before I was a parent, all of the things I used to be & do, have just been put on the back burner for now. Right now, I'm "just" wife & mom. Y'know?

[kristinannie]

My kids know my real personality really well...the good and the bad! :001_huh: My DS5 has a very similar personality to me and has lots to work on so I do share my struggles in those areas with him. Obviously I keep some things about my past a secret for now! Maybe when they are older I will tell them about my college days.... :lol:

[Ester Maria]

Enjoy them while they are little and convinced mommy didn't have a life before they arrived. ;)

 

'cause once they figure out you did... they become curious. And start interrogating you on the "sins" of your youth. Or, even worse, start interrogating your parents about that, and all types of trivia about you. :lol: And then like to 'serve' you the most unexpected information which they clandestinely got from some family members about you, in the most unexpected circumstances of course.

 

A lot of dynamics in your relationship with them will change as they grow up and they will got to know you much deeper... and often deeper than you would prefer for them to know you. It is nice, though a bit frustrating at times, and maybe a bit sad at times, when you realize how much they "outgrew" you and how the world goes on and you are getting old. Sigh. :D

[Sahamamama]

I have always been who I am with my children. I have changed as I age though - and am quite glad I am not who I was when I was first a mother. :001_smile:

 

I don't know why I would hide my own personality from them. :confused: I guess I would ask you, what are you hiding and why?

 

ETA: I am much more at ease though, as my children get older. I love having older children - they are delightful.

 

I suppose "hiding" was a poor choice of words, because what I mean is that we had a life before children that they have no idea existed. It is true that I've been busy taking care of them up until now and it's only lightened up a bit lately... so that the whacky, dramatic, unrestrained part of me can come out... KWIM?

 

Maybe that's it. I'm loosening up, because now that they are 4, 4, and 6, well... it's getting easier in some ways. :D

[Sahamamama]

I wouldn't say "hide," but I spend so much time in full Mommy mode right now that it would be hard for my littles to see me as an actor, a musician, a basketball player... all of the words I would have used to describe myself before I was a parent, all of the things I used to be & do, have just been put on the back burner for now. Right now, I'm "just" wife & mom. Y'know?

 

Exactly! Just like Justamouse said, which is true, we've been in the hard-work mode (and you still are). Little kids think of us as the Meeter-of-Needs.

 

My girls had a surprise today when I was The Flamboyant Storyteller. :)

[FloridaLisa]

I don't hide who I am, but having kids sure has changed me. I'm so much more serious! Yikes! Sometimes I wonder where that sweet, dreamy, always smiling girl went. :001_huh: It's been my resolution to try and dig her out a bit, but it's really hard.

 

Lisa

[Kate CA]

I suppose "hiding" was a poor choice of words, because what I mean is that we had a life before children that they have no idea existed. It is true that I've been busy taking care of them up until now and it's only lightened up a bit lately... so that the whacky, dramatic, unrestrained part of me can come out... KWIM?

 

Maybe that's it. I'm loosening up, because now that they are 4, 4, and 6, well... it's getting easier in some ways. :D

 

Oh, do I understand the Mama Fog. I was pregnant or nursing for 11 years straight and yes, I do get that! I would not have used the word "hiding" and perhaps that is why I was :confused: but I know what you are saying. As my children are now all 8-16, the fog has lifted and they know more of Mama without the fog. It does come - though I don't think I would have believed that from anyone during those years! :D

[FO4UR]

Mine hear me sing...they don't fully understand...they just think I'm loud.:tongue_smilie:

 

I have had some funny moments: My oldest was 2yo when he covered his ears *every* time his Sunday School teacher did singing time.:lol::lol::lol: (She told me that he must not like her singing...she thought it was hilarious thankfully!)

[Rosie_0801]

I can't imagine having the energy to hide anything from my children. Except my body when I go barricade myself in the bedroom.

 

Uh. Now I'm regretting not having anything much worth hiding!

 

Rosie

Edited April 22, 2011 by Rosie_0801

[Nestof3]

I get weird looks when I dance around the house to the Bee Gees. I think I freak them out a little. I just think THEY think I'm here to clean, teach, cook, etc. Obviously, I am not having enough fun because they freak out when I do.

 

I do get silly with them, but I am honestly much freer when no one is around. I turn up the music and dance like crazy. No one sees that side of me.

 

I will more freely discuss who I used to be with friends of mine. There are some things I don't feel comfortable discussing with them.

 

On some level, I don't think anyone really knows me -- not even my husband.

 

Oh, and I remember smiling and laughing a lot in college. Sometimes I miss that. I mean, I smile and laugh, but I had so many good friends then. People really liked me then. I guess I just got old.

 

Who knows, I always get down in the dumps when my birthday approaches. I'm not sure why, but I always get nostalgic. But that makes me sad too because so many things just didn't go right.

 

PS -- One day I wanted to go roller blading. Ben asked why I hardly do that anymore. I used to enjoy it. Well, he fell down before we even left (while on his scooter) and skinned his knee. Then, he stubbed his toe on the downspout concrete thing, and it began bleeding like crazy. We never ended up taking our trip around the neighborhood after all.

 

And he has to ask why I don't do that much any more?

 

Then, bike riding. I spend my time reminding him to look, stop, ride on the right side, etc. It was so much fun before. ugh

Edited April 22, 2011 by nestof3

[razorbackmama]

I probably didn't need to read this thread today. I think my pregnancy hormones are working overtime.

 

To put it bluntly, no one in my family knows who I really am.

[Desert Rat]

I don't hide my personality from my kids, but I do hide the more negative aspects of that personality. I tend to be very sarcastic and cynical. While our boys are well versed in sarcasm, it's the cynicism I hide.....or at least try.

Positve aspects, like OP's example? No way, those are awesome attributes. But maybe, that's who you once were and you have mellowed a bit since those days. I know I have mellowed and I'm so glad! My temper used to be wicked! I mean, I am an Scottish, red-headed, Gemini. :)

[kalanamak]

A part. I'm hoping I live long enough for him to be old enough to know that part of me, too. I don't feel like I really "knew" my mother until I was in my 40s, but I intend to be a leeeeeeeeeetle more open than she was,:)

[KrissiK]

I don't hide it on purpose, but people have said that they love reading my blog because it's a whole side of me that they've never seen. I think my "mommy" side is much more serious and not as goofy. My kids can get wild if I get goofy and I just can't handle that.

[MamaBearTeacher]

My children are so open, loving and accepting that I can act however I want with them and they still think I'm great. It's the rest of the world that I hide my true self from because most adults are so judgemental. I can sing and dance (when I have the energy) as much and be as crazy as I want and my children will just enjoy it. I don't have to be good at all and I can trip and make a fool of myself and it doesn't matter to them. When they were babies I could repeat crazy ditties and poems that I made up as much as I liked just because I liked the sound of them and they loved them even more than me. They brought something out of me that would have had know outlet otherwise and they appreciate me more than anybody ever has in my whole life.

 

That said, there is something and I think it is a matter of energy. Maybe that's what others are saying too. When they were babies I found breastfeeding and being a mom so tiring on a physical level. It never stopped. Two of them have special needs and scream a lot and they are all high energy boys and I have never been busier or more exhausted. I am not as happy as I used to be and I try not to let it show but my life is much much richer. Although I had a lot of interesting and rich experiences before I had children, absolutely nothing has ignited the passions of my heart the way my children have. Still, if I had the energy I used to have I would do more with my children. I often pass up doing creative projects with them because it's too tiring to organize and hard to deal with their behavior at the same time. I wish I had the energy I used to have before having kids and am sad my kids don't get to get all that energy.

[Danestress]

I'm sure Tolstoy thought he put it all out there in Anna Karenina. I read it when I was young, and I had some insight. I read it when I was older and was stunned by what I missed. I'm sure I will read it again when I am even older, and I will laugh at how much I missed at 40.

 

I don't think I hide a lot from my children, but I don't think they really understand me.

[LibraryLover]

You might think you are hiding your real self, but kids know! ;)

 

My kids are better observers than I!

 

Come clean, girl. lol

Edited April 23, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Mejane]

I've never been able to hide very well. I have quite a temper and cannot help but speak my mind. Also, the older my kids get the more I share with them, so I'd say at this point they know me pretty well. Maybe too well. :D

[Joyofsixreboot]

I'm not sure my 15 and unders see me as an actual person, and my pre-kid self wasn't someone I'd particularly want my kids around. Just last night my 19 yo announced that I am so unlike other mothers she's decided I'm probably mentally ill:glare:

[Peela]

My teens know the real me apart from a few stories I am saving till they are over 18 :)

I dance around the kitchen to their music. I put on pretty clothes to go out to a party or a dance- without them (as I did last night). I have a life and they know it.

I think its just something that happens as they get older, over time- you just share more of yourself with them and they see you more as a person. By the time they are teens they can handle most of you and they NEED to recognise that you are human and not supermum any more- the one who can fix everything, do anything. There is more of a recognition of differentiation- that you are a totally separate person to them- rather than that close oneness when they are small and you are their whole world, but its a gradual process.

[Julie Smith]

I supp owe you could say I go through difficult times where I struggle with DID ( use to beknownas multiple personality disorder). That part of my personality is keep hidden from my kids. I suppose when they are older, but right now they are to young to even think about it.

[justamouse]

I don't think it's hiding your personality-not at all. But because you're working so hard to meet their needs when they are little, you don't have much time to do what you used to do for enjoyment.

 

When I started having a family, the beading went away, the painting left, the art classes I didn't have time for, though I did take up sewing but it was for them (blankets, bibs, dresses) there was just so much that used to be a part of me that I had to put on the backburner.

 

Do they know my personality? Of course! They see what makes me upset, they know how I will react they know how to manipulate me.

 

But those things that used to make me ME had to go away for a time (and I used have temper tantrums about it, too).

 

And, I was too tired to be creative, too. Creativity comes from a different brain space (not like creativity with science or anything like that) and when you are tired and touched out, there's nothing left in that space anymore and if there is, it's focused on adorable Memory games you can make with wooden blocks and modge podge. :001_smile: Nothing that's springing from who you are.

 

I think that's what she is trying to say-I could be wrong.

[sarawatsonim]

On some level, I don't think anyone really knows me -- not even my husband.

Oh, and I remember smiling and laughing a lot in college. Sometimes I miss that.

 

This bit right here spoke to me. That's my feelings exactly. No one has ever really known me, not even my best friend of 18 years. But I look back at college with fondness. I was so care free then, with an unknown future of limitless possibilities. I just feel like I spend my days in mommy mode trying not to completely lose who I was then and who I might be brave enough to be in the future.

[Pretty in Pink]

My children know me very well, perhaps to well! I certainly 'keep it real' around here. My personality is what it is, even in mommy mode.

[PiCO]

I think the real you sounds fantastic. I would hate for your kids to miss out on that.

 

I am my "real" self around my kids. I live a pretty G-rated life though. I do share some stories of silly and/or stupid things I did in my youth, for educational purposes (or amusement.)

[eternalknot]

I think my lifestyle has made it so that my kids know the "real" me -- I've been a single parent for all of their lives, so it's all me all the time. Hobbies, interests, anything I want to do for myself they've always tagged along or been right there with me -- there wasn't a daddy to put them to bed or to take them to the store for a few hours while I got mommy time, you know? Aside from that, my kids see me interact daily with my siblings and my friends (most of them lifelong). This gives them an opportunity to see different facets of who I am. I have mommy-mode, sister-mode, cousin-mode, friend-mode, et cetera. Again, the kids and I are together all day, everyday so they see it all.

 

They've also come with me to work, and have seen me "in action" LOL. They always get a kick out of that. I think the first few times I brought them with me, they did see me in a different light - someone other than their mom, or someone's friend or sister. They love coming with me on trips!

[teachmejoy]

I think my kids know me pretty well. I don't tend to hide much. :tongue_smilie: There are, however, many things that they don't know about my past. One of their favorite things is hearing things that my dh and I have done in the past. They love stories and as they get older, I'll be more open. I'm of a mind to be open about failures and shortcomings as well. I think they can learn from my mistakes... at least I can pray they learn from them! :001_smile: Lately I've been so uptight and hormonal it's been really hard to be "silly" or fun. I think they miss the old me!

[kalanamak]

 

I am my "real" self around my kids. I live a pretty G-rated life though. I do share some stories of silly and/or stupid things I did in my youth, for educational purposes (or amusement.)

 

Oh, are we talking about THAT part of our lives? I was talking about the mental world I have going on inside, not the fact that I, and 99% of my classmates in 1974, tried p*t. Oh, he'll know that part as soon as his knows what p*t is.:)

 

What I meant is how I think about the world. I have some harsh opinions about the world that would be incomprehensible and unkind to an 8 year old.

[AK_Mom4]

What I meant is how I think about the world. I have some harsh opinions about the world that would be incomprehensible and unkind to an 8 year old.

 

:iagree: I didn't share some of my opinions and political views with the kids until they got to be teenagers and could understand that things were complicated sometimes....