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The life is being sucked out of me


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and I don't know what to do about it.

 

For the last month, dh has started snoring. Really bad. :glare: He's always snored now and then, usually when he was exhausted and sleeping on his back, but now it is horrible. HORRIBLE! All. the. time. Really. loud. His snoring not only wakes me up all the time but keeps me up. Some nights it takes me 2 hours to get back to sleep and my little guy wakes at 6am. Thing is, I suffer from mild depression and I can't cope with life when I don't get enough sleep. I simply fall apart and even the most minuscule tasks seem insurmountable. I also have other things going on with my health at the moment that make it very important that I get proper sleep. As it is, I'm averaging 3-4 hours per night and it's affecting my ability to not only function but my appetite and mood as well. I'm barely eating, I'm dragging myself around and I know I'm not much fun to be around.

 

I've tried leaving the room and sleeping on the couch (we have a spare bedroom but no spare bed) but we recently bought all new furniture and the new couches are not comfortable to sleep on.

 

I've tried kicking dh out of bed- one night he went and slept with the toddler (who's in a regular sized bed) but it was obvious by the little guy's mood the next day that he didn't get a good night of sleep either. :( Problem is, dh is sort-of sleeping and too tired to get up and move to the couch even though he's the problem. In fact, for the last month, he's refused to believe me that he's snoring so badly and wouldn't just go to bed on the couch, insisting that I just wake him and make him move if it becomes an issue. :001_huh: It wasn't until this morning that he admitted that he heard himself snoring in his sleep last night and it kept him awake :001_huh: that he was willing to admit that this is really a problem that he must get addressed.

 

Don't get me wrong, dh didn't think I was making it up before, and while he was agreeable to go see a doctor, with his job, he doesn't exactly have the time to do so for a non-emergent matters. Also it wasn't a priority for him even though he's affected too- he's not sleeping well so he's utterly exhausted at the end of the day and not much help to me around the house- rinse/repeat :willy_nilly: Thing is, for *me* something needs to be done. I can't cope with life anymore. I'm so tired and worn out and cranky and emotional all the time. It's like being slowly tortured to death. I miss my sleep and I don't know what to do. :(

 

Is there help for dh? Neither of us have any clue why the sudden increase in snoring. I'm not sure how much help the doctor will be, but I'm desperate for some. Anybody here have any ideas before I completely fall apart? I don't really want to spend money for a bed for the spare room because we don't really need a bed (we don't have over-night company) and the room is in the basement. Nothing wrong with the basement but if dh is sleeping down there, he's not available to help me with the kids should they wake in the middle of the night (something he's always done). Also, it's not really an ideal sleeping arrangement for *us*. :)

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You can get Hearos Ear Plugs Xtreme Protection Series. They are blue. I got them at Rite-Aid, but they are also sold on Amazon.

 

Do not get the Hearos Ultimate Softness Series (yellow) because they will not work to block loud snoring.

 

Hearos.com has audio and video instructions on how to insert them.

 

Help for your DH is likely available at a doctor's office.

Edited by RoughCollie
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You can get Hearos Ear Plugs Xtreme Protection Series. They are blue. I got them at Rite-Aid, but they are also sold on Amazon.

 

Do not get the Hearos Ultimate Softness Series (yellow) because they will not work to block loud snoring.

 

That's a good idea. :)

 

Thing is, I have littles who wake at night and I need to be able to hear them. Dh and I lock our door because I hate waking up to them standing beside me (scares me out of my skin) and I have one who has a nasty habit of running in to puke on me :tongue_smilie: (not all the time of course, only when they're sick but having that happen a couple times was enough motivation for me to keep the door locked).

 

Dh simply does not hear the kids at night- I have to wake him to go get them. Unfortunately, blocking out dh's snoring would also block out my ability to be a good parent at night and I need to be there for a couple of them as they have chronic issues.

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Guest MrsGenaw

So very sorry for your 'battle' w/hubby. My dh has snored since day 1. He had surgery for a deviated septum, participated in a sleep study, started taking herbals etc etc. Nothing changed. In recent yrs its gotten worse because of increased weight so I'm very familiar w/sleepless nights :blink:

 

Many evenings i go to bed 20 min or so earlier so as to fall asleep b4 him.. i move to another room when it gets really bad. I have really tried to get him to try better sleeping/eating habits through the day. I'm sure eating late, 'surviving' on 4-5 hrs a night for years combo has has added to his snoring problem. Getting to sleep - multiple nights- at a very decent hour seems to help..

 

Can you take a mid day nap to get over the hump?

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I've tried leaving the room and sleeping on the couch (we have a spare bedroom but no spare bed) but we recently bought all new furniture and the new couches are not comfortable to sleep on.

 

I've tried kicking dh out of bed- one night he went and slept with the toddler (who's in a regular sized bed) but it was obvious by the little guy's mood the next day that he didn't get a good night of sleep either. :(

 

Can YOU go sleep with the little fella? Or put an air mattress and some blankets on the floor?

 

(my dh snores like a freight train sometimes and I go to the couch or down with dd14)

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Is he congested or having allergy problems that would make it worse right now? Otherwise, I don't have any answers either. My dh has always snored. Even before we married he was single in the military and the guys he bunked with always complained about his snoring. For him the repair is about $40K in dental work because his teeth don't properly align and all that.

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Is he congested or having allergy problems that would make it worse right now? Otherwise, I don't have any answers either. My dh has always snored. Even before we married he was single in the military and the guys he bunked with always complained about his snoring. For him the repair is about $40K in dental work because his teeth don't properly align and all that.

 

Nope. No congestions or allergies that we know of. Nobody has been sick around here in that time and he's not changed his diet. Not sure what is causing this. I think he has gained weight in the recent past so that may be part of it. Also, he has not been getting a lot of sleep so perhaps he's chronically over tired as well and that is contributing to this? :confused: I don't really know. He's able to cope during the days, but I'm not. Sigh.

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Nope. No congestions or allergies that we know of. Nobody has been sick around here in that time and he's not changed his diet. Not sure what is causing this. I think he has gained weight in the recent past so that may be part of it. Also, he has not been getting a lot of sleep so perhaps he's chronically over tired as well and that is contributing to this? :confused: I don't really know. He's able to cope during the days, but I'm not. Sigh.

Weight will do it. I know my dh's was worse after he gained weight. The last few weeks his has been so bad I could hear him all across the house after I kicked him to the couch. Ugh. I can completely empthasize with you. He also doesn't think he is snoring much. I either have to go to bed first or get him into that magic position where he doesn't snore as much or as loudly. If he goes to bed first I have to stay up until I am almost lieterally falling asleep on my feet - but then he still wakes me sometimes.

 

My dad told my mom she snored but she didn't believe him. She set out a tape recorder one night and discovered the truth - she was snoring and actually worse than dad was telling her. Hers is due to medication though and she eventually moved into her own room so he could rest.

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This *IS* an emergent problem. He is obviously feeling the effects of sleep deprivation, as well as inflicting it upon you. The long term effects of sleep deprivation can be quite serious. So, firt really do try to get him to see this as an issue of importance.

 

DH has a weight threshold, which, when topped, the snoring begins. That's when he know he needs to cut back on the eating, up the exercise, take off few pounds. You mentioned your dh has gained some weight; I think that may be typical for all of us in the winter! Maybe you can ask him to choose between (a) going to the doctor now, or (b) losing ten pounds. I sure don't mean tossing down the gauntlet like an ultimatum, but you do have a right to ask for some action since you are being negatively affected.

 

The ear plugs may help in the short term, but in a way, that's acquiescing to the underlying medical issue, which you need to get figured out for his overall well-being (yours, too!).

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I honestly would be stark raving mad without ear plugs.

 

Like you, I resisted them because of being a Mom. But you know, DH did hear them - just maybe not quite as soon as I did. And over time, he became the one who got up with the kids at night. Sometimes he gets up with one and I don't even know about it until the next day.

 

I wouldn't wear ear plugs with a little baby in the house, but if your children are old enough to toddle into your room in the night, I would just try them. Yeah, you risk getting woken by a kid. Once in a while you might deal with vomit. But you know, I think it would be worth it. And I also think that your husband would probably hear the kids eventually too, especially if he knows that you WON'T.

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18 years of snoring spouse here....

Sleep meds are all that helps me. I don't want to sleep seperately, so I drug myself :tongue_smilie:

This. I let him go to bed first because he's exhuasted by like 9:30 and there is NO WAY I could go to bed that early. So he's dead to the world by 10. I take meds to make me really, really sleepy so by the time I go to bed I am generally pretty out of it. We also use an oscillating fan in our room that makes a nice white noise to help drown him out.

 

I'd agree with the idea of a small investment in an aerobed. You could put it in the other room and either kick him out or go there yourself. I'd just make it clear that you can't function this way any more and that you two will have to sleep separately until he finds a solution to the problem. It might make it more of a priority for him if he's the uncomfortable one!

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Your husband needs to see a doctor. If he has sleep apnea, it is at the least a debilitating condition and at most life threatening. He very likely needs to have a sleep study done and could need a CPAP machine. After years of awful snoring, my husband finally got a CPAP machine and things have been much better for both of us since then.

 

I never found earplugs to work much because the snoring was just so loud.

Edited by EKS
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You can get Hearos Ear Plugs Xtreme Protection Series. They are blue. I got them at Rite-Aid, but they are also sold on Amazon.

 

Do not get the Hearos Ultimate Softness Series (yellow) because they will not work to block loud snoring.

 

Hearos.com has audio and video instructions on how to insert them.

 

Help for your DH is likely available at a doctor's office.

 

I use kinda orange Hearos - I get them from Hearos website.

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Well, it really is an emergent and vitally important matter in terms of his health (and yours if you continue to share a room). I saw studies not long ago about sleep disruption and the health effects on partners of those who snore were much like the snorer is I recall.

 

Beyond that untreated sleep apnea is deadly (article with some stats--30% increased risk of death over 5 years with other contributing risk factors controlled--apnea alone increases your husbands death risk by 30%). Risks in addition to heart attack and stroke including driving while fatigued. I'm not sure that was quantified in the study I linked. But the point is this is life threatening and it is life threatening at young ages as well. Your husband is very likely, almost certainly, experiencing apnea. His quality of life, and yours, will also be improved with treatment.

 

His doctor should be able to send him for a sleep study and, yes, there is treatment as I and others on this board have experienced.

Edited by sbgrace
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sew a tennis ball in the back of his jammie shirt so that he can not sleep supine. that will be a small help as apnea is worse

He is at risk for heart attack and or stroke from apnea. I know of two 38 year olds that had massive heart attacks in their sleep due to lack of O2 and irregular heart rhythms cause by the apnea. This is life threatening in the sense that either one of you get behind the wheel you are worse than a text or drunk driver.

 

Good luck

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This *IS* an emergent problem. He is obviously feeling the effects of sleep deprivation, as well as inflicting it upon you. The long term effects of sleep deprivation can be quite serious. So, firt really do try to get him to see this as an issue of importance.

 

DH has a weight threshold, which, when topped, the snoring begins. That's when he know he needs to cut back on the eating, up the exercise, take off few pounds. You mentioned your dh has gained some weight; I think that may be typical for all of us in the winter! Maybe you can ask him to choose between (a) going to the doctor now, or (b) losing ten pounds. I sure don't mean tossing down the gauntlet like an ultimatum, but you do have a right to ask for some action since you are being negatively affected.

 

The ear plugs may help in the short term, but in a way, that's acquiescing to the underlying medical issue, which you need to get figured out for his overall well-being (yours, too!).

 

 

This was the case with my DH. His snoring is directly related to his weight AND exhaustion level. My son and I snore from food allergies. He hasn't snored for the last few years b/c we avoid those foods, I only snore if I eat my allergens.

 

I think since your kids all have such severe allergies, this is an issue to consider. He may be eating more of a certain food b/c of the time of year it is and perhaps it's something that causes his sinuses to swell up and result in snoring.

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sew a tennis ball in the back of his jammie shirt so that he can not sleep supine. that will be a small help as apnea is worse

He is at risk for heart attack and or stroke from apnea. I know of two 38 year olds that had massive heart attacks in their sleep due to lack of O2 and irregular heart rhythms cause by the apnea. This is life threatening in the sense that either one of you get behind the wheel you are worse than a text or drunk driver.

 

Good luck

 

I wish it were that easy. :( Dh can snore just as well when sleeping flat on his stomach. Or his side. Or any combination for that matter. :tongue_smilie: It's not at all related to sleeping on his back.

 

Yes, I know it is dangerous to be this sleep deprived. I'm having a horrible day because of it (some are worse than others) and I'm quite bitter about it at the moment. :glare: I'm exhausted and grumpy and have a houseful of people coming over this afternoon to do Valentines Day crafts. :glare:

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This was the case with my DH. His snoring is directly related to his weight AND exhaustion level. My son and I snore from food allergies. He hasn't snored for the last few years b/c we avoid those foods, I only snore if I eat my allergens.

 

I think since your kids all have such severe allergies, this is an issue to consider. He may be eating more of a certain food b/c of the time of year it is and perhaps it's something that causes his sinuses to swell up and result in snoring.

 

I will take this into consideration. I wonder how much (if any) of his snoring is related to his smoking. :glare:

 

I'm pretty decent about rotating our diets so he doesn't eat the same foods every day. He still snores every day though. We've all been tested for food sensitivities (not the blood test at a GPs mind you) and dh doesn't have many and the ones he does have, he's not eaten in months. I'm not discrediting your thinking at all, I'm just completely stumped what it could be if it is indeed related to food.

 

I hadn't thought about exhaustion levels and weight gain. Both certainly apply to dh and may explain why all of a sudden he's gone from snoring a couple times a month to every single time he lies down.- even when he lays on the couch for 5 min if he passes out, he's snoring. :banghead:

 

I can't take it anymore!! :willy_nilly:

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I honestly would be stark raving mad without ear plugs.

 

Like you, I resisted them because of being a Mom. But you know, DH did hear them - just maybe not quite as soon as I did. And over time, he became the one who got up with the kids at night. Sometimes he gets up with one and I don't even know about it until the next day.

 

I wouldn't wear ear plugs with a little baby in the house, but if your children are old enough to toddle into your room in the night, I would just try them.

 

:iagree:

 

And I *did* sleep with earplugs with an infant (he was in the same room as us). I would still hear him if he needed me (but I wouldn't hear the wiggle noises for which he didn't need me, that previously had woken me up). As for the other/older children, eventually they'll get to a place where they can help each other. I rarely, rarely, rarely get woken up in the night anymore by/for a child, because they all sleep with siblings, and the olders handle the needs now.

 

I wear ear plugs every night. It doesn't bother me in the least, and I'm getting such better sleep because of it. These are the ones I wear; I get them at Fred Meyer (large big-box grocery store). I tried a few different kinds before settling on these.

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No suggestions here, just commiseration. :grouphug:

 

We have an appt with our dr to deal with dh's snoring. Until then I go sleep with ds on a regular basis. Maybe if your toddler has a full size bed you could be the one to go sleep in there? That way you could both get a good night sleep. And schedule that dr appt for your dh so he can get some rest too!

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I wish it were that easy. :( Dh can snore just as well when sleeping flat on his stomach. Or his side. Or any combination for that matter. :tongue_smilie: It's not at all related to sleeping on his back.

 

Yes, I know it is dangerous to be this sleep deprived. I'm having a horrible day because of it (some are worse than others) and I'm quite bitter about it at the moment. :glare: I'm exhausted and grumpy and have a houseful of people coming over this afternoon to do Valentines Day crafts. :glare:

 

You're living my life. I have been on a twin bed for four years in dd's room.... because for 20 years before that my night started at 8 am when he left for work. I was literally a zombie, and was over it.

 

I am a new woman with sleep. We can't even sleep with him on vacation, so its condo with him on the other side of it. I put ds (who also snores) in w/him and he came to dd and my room..... so I now have a witness!

 

I don't like earplugs because then I can't hear what's going on in the house. Dh won't hear if the house is burning down, etc.

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I would still do what is in my power to make him sleep lateral or prone. Mind u my husband is a beign snorer who can get very loud and always sleeps prone. I just sleep on a different shift than him.

I watch people sleep for a living and seeing how bad apnea gets in the supine position. I would even incline the bed

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My Dh snores horribly. At first it wasn't too bad and as long as I was asleep before he came to bed, I was usually fine. Only the occassional bad snores would wake me up. But over time Dh snoring got worse. I could not sleep through even the slightest snore and it would drive me bonkers. He started sleeping on the couch every few nights so I could get some sleep occassionally (the other nights I would move to couch when he woke me up with his snores). When I was put on bedrest at 20 weeks with my twin pregnancy, Dh slept on the couch every night and has since then (twins are almost 16).

 

Once I had the twins... that was it, I couldn't sleep at all with even the slighted noise. And by that time he snored constantly all.night.long. He snored on his stomach and so I wasn't getting any sleep. He ended up just staying on the couch. Besides he liked staying up late and going to sleep with the TV on.

 

Then about 3 years ago he finally decided to get a sleep study done. Found out that he has sleep apnea and stopped breathing several times a night (I think doctor said it was at least 10 times). Dh was given a CPAP machine and it did help... except when he took it off in his sleep and for some reason every few weeks he was getting sinus infections no matter what he did in cleaning the machine, etc. So he stopped using the CPAP after about 6 months. So back to the couch he went... He knows he needs to do something about his snoring but so far nothing has helped enough. And I refuse to sleep in same room with him... even when we stay overnight somewhere. Ear plugs didn't help enough-LOL.

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My DH snores terribly too. He's not overweight, but has some anatomical issues with his airway that cause it. He *finally* went in for a sleep study last year (he's one of those physicians-who-are-terrible-patients) after I threw a fit because it was affecting more than just his fatigue levels. The CPAP machine has made a huge difference. I thought I was sleeping through his snoring most nights, but I noticed a difference in my energy levels too (and we still have a kid who is up and down a little in the night sometimes).

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I so feel for you. My DH snores, but not terribly loudly. Unfortunately for me, I am a poor sleeper, and even the slightest snore keeps me up. I have just purchased the Hearos from amazon. Thank you for the idea! Plus, maybe it'll block out the early morning puppy whining, early morning-kid-door-slamming, and more :)

 

(my kids always wake me up at 7:30 on the nose, alarm or not, so I'm not too concerned about them. Plus, DH wakes at 5:30 most days and hangs out with them.)

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My DH has already had one surgery for his snoring/apnea. He was VERY bad off before his surgery-- I moved the kids into one room and bought a nice and comfy queen bed for myself! I would 'start' in bed with hubby-- and then move to MY bed when the snoring started...

 

His recovery was PAINFUL-- he also had his tonsils out at the same time, deviated septum and some 'throat trimming'... 2 week LONG recovery.

 

9 years later he is back at it again with a vengence. I am so sleep deprived-- DH thinks I'm just depressed-- but I'm not depressed clinically-- I'm just TIRED of being TIRED!

 

I have back issues and cannot sleep on the couch (plus it is too close to master bed room and his snoring!).

 

We do not have the option of bunking kids together... and we do not have a spare room...(I'm hoping at least one of my older daughters moves out soon so I can SLEEP!)

 

DH had the option of 2 surgeries-- Drs now think that he needs the second one too-- it is a jaw surgery-- oldest dd had that surgery 3 years ago for the SAME issue and she has not snored since (she had 'learning differences' before the surgery and now she is an HONORS student-- I think it is because she is now able to SLEEP!). DH does NOT want the jaw surgery-- and the CPAP machines do not fit his 'unique' face (and beard)...

 

I can't wear earplugs due to psoriasis in my ears... so I just suffer! I try to go to bed before DH-- but while this helps I really really miss cuddle time/pillow talk with DH and our marriage is suffering!

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Breathe Right Advanced strips have saved my sleep. Dh snores profusely. He tried the regular strips, and they partially worked. The new Advanced strips have given me 3 weeks of no snoring from the dear husband. They are worth every penny. A box of 26 costs around $13 here. Trust me, the 50 cents a night is WORTH it!

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