My baby is miserable and/or hates me!

[Carrie12345]

Ds will be 8wk old tomorrow, and he is almost never happy.

 

I should mention that he's a pretty good night sleeper. Most nights, he's out from 8pm to 5 or 6am with 2 drowsy nursing sessions in the middle (cosleeping).

During the day, he's usually content while nursing, will catnap on my chest, and might spend a little bit of time quiet or sleeping in the Moby wrap. 90% of the time, none of that lasts for more than 30 minutes or so before he starts crying. The swing is even shorter - 10 minutes tops.

 

The few smiles he's doled out over the past week or so have mostly been directed toward his siblings. The most I get is a smirk while lifting my shirt. :tongue_smilie:

 

I know his catnaps aren't good enough, but nothing we've tried (including everything in "The No-Cry Nap Solution") has worked. The kid never seems to be happy! For the first 7 weeks, this took a big toll on me from a "work" perspective, but now it's starting to take an emotional toll on me. I mean, what mother can't make her infant happy once in a dang while?!?!?!?

 

I have to schedule his 2 month check up and want to bring this up with the ped, but I'd love to get some insight from the hive!

[unsinkable]

My DD was a colicky miserable baby until I gave up dairy products.

 

She changed to a happy little girl in a matter of days of me stopping dairy.

 

I am sorry things are tough! :grouphug:

[Lolly]

My ds was like that. Turned out he had reflux. He only projectile vomited when he was sick. THen, I wore a towel.:tongue_smilie:

[Keniki]

:grouphug:Are you eating/drinking dairy? Food allergies are the first thing that come to my mind, and dairy is often the culprit.

[Celia]

My last was a tricky on that way too. I was so jealous when my best friend got his first true smile! He grew out of it though, but one thing I did that was unconventional was record an audiotrack off the internet of a vacuum sound, as the vacuum running always put him to sleep. I played it in his room (loudly!) and his naps and disposition improved a lot!

[LibraryLover]

I am sure he's not really smirking at your breats. :) So try not to dwell on that. Sleep-wise, my youngest was like that. She had a hard time sleeping for more than 30-60 minutes at a crack. Super light sleeper, with reduced sleep needs. Now she is a deep sleeper, but doesn't need a lot of sleep.

 

If it helps, she is a very pleasant, intelligent, productive, funny, fun, and even-keeled person.

 

Her dad is similar in his sleep needs, so I am chalking it up to genetics.

Edited February 11, 2011 by LibraryLover

[fairfarmhand]

I'd cut out the dairy for a week and see what happens; sounds alot like my dairy intolerant babies.

[Gooblink]

Sounds like a dairy or food allergy. If you eliminate the most common culprits one at a time, start with dairy, maybe gluten next, and that is the cause, you should notice a change in behavior within a couple of days.

 

:grouphug: I'm sure he doesn't hate you!!!

[Slartibartfast]

It sounds like he might have reflux to me. Reflux is very hard, my ds had it.

 

You sound like you are starting to get depressed. You both should see the Dr.

[LibraryLover]

Here's the OP's quote, which sounds excellent for an 8 week old:

 

 

"I should mention that he's a pretty good night sleeper. Most nights, he's out from 8pm to 5 or 6am with 2 drowsy nursing sessions in the middle (cosleeping)."

 

What might the middle be? 8-1 or 2? That's 5-6 hours, which is excellent for a breastfed newborn.

 

If he has reflux, he might like to be upright. When he sleeps those stretches at night, what is his position? (I've known parents of reflux-y babes to put them in the carset on the bed between them. Seems crazy, I guess, but it can help. You can put him upright in the Moby. What is his fav position in there? Is his poop ever watery -green? There could be a daytime fore/hind milk issue.

 

Some very healthy babies are just more needy. I suppose anything could be wrong, but he could also just be a perfectly normal newborn boy with an 'immature' central nervous system that will work itself out as he grows.

Edited February 11, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Slartibartfast]

Sounds like a dairy or food allergy. If you eliminate the most common culprits one at a time, start with dairy, maybe gluten next, and that is the cause, you should notice a change in behavior within a couple of days.

 

:grouphug: I'm sure he doesn't hate you!!!

 

Dairy takes at least two weeks to get out of your system.

[LibraryLover]

LOL That sounds a lot like my youngest. She was up partying on New Year's Eve before she was a year old. She was the happiest thing. She woke up the next day without a hangover, even. She loves activity and adored her sibs because of that. She can also make a parade out of dust.

 

 

A few things he seemed to like was being in a place with a lot of noise. My husband and I would walk around the mall with him in his stroller for hours every weekend. We took him to a polka club on Friday nights where they played loud music (he would be silent the entire time). It was the craziest thing.

 

QUOTE]

[unsinkable]

Would an 8 week old with dairy allergies be able to sleep such a long stretch at night? 8pm -to 5am seems pretty amazing to me. Maybe he checks in a lot during the day because he sleeps so well at night?

 

She said he nurses 2x at night.

[Perry]

My first born cried about 7 hours a day for the first three months of his life. He cried all day no matter what I did. He slept like a rock all night. He continued with his fussiness until about 6 months (although it wasn't as bad as the first three months).

 

I took him to the doctor. We tried all sorts of things. Nothing helped much.

 

A few things he seemed to like was being in a place with a lot of noise. My husband and I would walk around the mall with him in his stroller for hours every weekend. We took him to a polka club on Friday nights where they played loud music (he would be silent the entire time). It was the craziest thing.

This describes my 16 year old daughter exactly, except she never slept more than 2 hours at a time during the night. And we didn't do polka clubs, but she liked loud music. :D I didn't think we'd get through it without at least one of us being institutionalized.

 

 

She's now a sweet, good natured reasonable teen. Somewhat on the high maintenance side though. :)

[LibraryLover]

She said he nurses 2x at night.

 

 

I thought she said he barely nurses in that stretch. That seems to be pretty good for an 8 week old baby. Could a miserabe baby sleep that long?

[Carrie12345]

I feel a little better just getting that out!!! :)

 

Dh and I have been thinking maybe reflux. We've tried Colic Calm a couple of times and it seemed to help, but I also read that gripe water is statistically the same as a placebo, lol. I'm terrified (slight hyperbole) of it being a dairy allergy. That'd be a huge added stress, and I worry that it might jeopardize our bfing relationship.

 

I do worry about depression now and, pardon my mouth, but it pisses me off! I made it through all these weeks of being needed (including a hospitalization at 3.5 weeks) without a single twinge of baby blues. It wouldn't be fair to be hit now! :glare:

[PinkInTheBlue]

My 14 year old was miserable. It really takes a toll on your emotions. He was very colicky and allergic to milk.

 

:grouphug: So Sorry! I know it's tough.

[Slartibartfast]

I feel a little better just getting that out!!! :)

 

Dh and I have been thinking maybe reflux. We've tried Colic Calm a couple of times and it seemed to help, but I also read that gripe water is statistically the same as a placebo, lol. I'm terrified (slight hyperbole) of it being a dairy allergy. That'd be a huge added stress, and I worry that it might jeopardize our bfing relationship.

 

I would try reflux meds before eliminating dairy. I can't eat dairy and I find it a bit difficult and annoying.

 

I do worry about depression now and, pardon my mouth, but it pisses me off! I made it through all these weeks of being needed (including a hospitalization at 3.5 weeks) without a single twinge of baby blues. It wouldn't be fair to be hit now! :glare:

 

:grouphug: All the stress and struggle does take a toll on you. You have to take care of you as well as the baby.

[LibraryLover]

I feel a little better just getting that out!!! :)

 

Dh and I have been thinking maybe reflux. We've tried Colic Calm a couple of times and it seemed to help, but I also read that gripe water is statistically the same as a placebo, lol. I'm terrified (slight hyperbole) of it being a dairy allergy. That'd be a huge added stress, and I worry that it might jeopardize our bfing relationship.

 

I do worry about depression now and, pardon my mouth, but it pisses me off! I made it through all these weeks of being needed (including a hospitalization at 3.5 weeks) without a single twinge of baby blues. It wouldn't be fair to be hit now! :glare:

 

You are also tired. You have many children. I know it sounds insane, but is there any way you could snuggle into bed with him in the afternoon? Try to rest? He seems to sleep well at night, maybe try to recreate that a little in the day? Are you laughing? :lol: Is there any way to get a little help, for say the next 4 weeks, to help you through his next growth spurt? Stop laughing, my paranoia is showing. :D

[tammyw]

My dd was like this completely. I stopped eating almost everything including dairy, and it didn't help. The only thing that helped was her turning six months old. Then things got dramatically better. If it's any help, she is a lovely (nearly) 8 year old now and adores me to no end :)

 

I remember those days though and they were so, so, so hard. It was even worse because she was our first child, and my husband wasn't there for her birth or the first two months of her life because he was in the Iraq war. Bad times. I so feel for you. People used to walk up to me and say "that baby is hungry". Made me so mad! I nursed her around the clock.

[LibraryLover]

:) Yes. That's so difficult, and to be alone...it's a lot.

 

There is something to be said for an intergrated, fully-functional central nervous system. This is not a baby's best skill set, and time is the only cure. This is where we can sometimes benefit from a little TLC.

 

My dd was like this completely. I stopped eating almost everything including dairy, and it didn't help. The only thing that helped was her turning six months old. Then things got dramatically better. If it's any help, she is a lovely (nearly) 8 year old now and adores me to no end :)

 

I remember those days though and they were so, so, so hard. It was even worse because she was our first child, and my husband wasn't there for her birth or the first two months of her life because he was in the Iraq war. Bad times. I so feel for you. People used to walk up to me and say "that baby is hungry". Made me so mad! I nursed her around the clock.

[Harriet Vane]

My DD was a colicky miserable baby until I gave up dairy products.

 

She changed to a happy little girl in a matter of days of me stopping dairy.

 

I am sorry things are tough! :grouphug:

 

This was my experience with my ds as well. He spent ALL his time crying or nursing, and not sleeping much, until I gave up all milk products. He changed entirely after that. (He is still unable to tolerate milk products at the age of 9yo.)

 

Try giving up dairy. Be warned--it can take a month to really know what's going on. Giving it up for a couple days will not tell you what you need to know. (I think that's at least partially due to how raw and irritated the gut becomes--it takes time to heal.)

[Ellie]

:grouphug:

 

I wouldn't bring it up with the ped, unless you are sure beyond sure that the ped is on board with breastfeeding forever and all that. Many peds will recommend starting solids or giving bottles or all sorts of other anti-breastfeeding "solutions." :glare:

 

Could it be that he doesn't like something you're eating? dairy? wheat? broccoli?

[Slartibartfast]

My dd was like this completely. I stopped eating almost everything including dairy, and it didn't help. The only thing that helped was her turning six months old. Then things got dramatically better. If it's any help, she is a lovely (nearly) 8 year old now and adores me to no end :)

 

I remember those days though and they were so, so, so hard. It was even worse because she was our first child, and my husband wasn't there for her birth or the first two months of her life because he was in the Iraq war. Bad times. I so feel for you. People used to walk up to me and say "that baby is hungry". Made me so mad! I nursed her around the clock.

 

That sounds like reflux, it usually goes away when the baby starts to sit up a lot.

[Carrie12345]

You are also tired. You have many children. I know it sounds insane, but is there any way you could snuggle into bed with him in the afternoon? Try to rest? He seems to sleep well at night, maybe try to recreate that a little in the day? Are you laughing? :lol: Is there any way to get a little help, for say the next 4 weeks, to help you through his next growth spurt? Stop laughing, my paranoia is showing. :D

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Honestly, I might try to arrange an attempt, lol. The other kids usually stick to messes and bickering at their worst, so I'm not too worried about, say, the house burning down.

 

Unfortunately, we don't really have nearby help, but I may suck it up and see if the inlaws can do a day or two next week. Dh is working long hours and running all of my errands for me, so his abilities are limited.

[Slartibartfast]

:grouphug:

 

I wouldn't bring it up with the ped, unless you are sure beyond sure that the ped is on board with breastfeeding forever and all that. Many peds will recommend starting solids or giving bottles or all sorts of other anti-breastfeeding "solutions." :glare:

 

Could it be that he doesn't like something you're eating? dairy? wheat? broccoli?

 

What!?! If it is reflux a ped has to write a perscription. I couldn't disagree more.

 

If the ped recommends any sort of ceseation from BF then they are not worth their salt and you should find a new one. Formula would make anything like this WORSE not better. If they try to get you to give solids to an 8 week old well....IMO it is better to find out your ped is an idiot early on than when it is a serious situation.

Edited February 11, 2011 by Sis

[tammyw]

I remember we tried reflux meds also and they didn't help. Our ped at the time was trying very hard-core to pressure me to try formula and I absolutely refused. So glad I did, because she nursed happily for 2.5 years and I'm certain it gave her a great immune system. I do think that some systems are just more sensitive than others, and time fixes it.

 

ETA: I never again went back to that pediatrician. I hate it when peds try to push formula.

[beansprouts]

http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Crying-Newborn/dp/0553381466/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1297458900&sr=8-1

 

AWESOME book!

 

:grouphug:

[LibraryLover]

:lol: You are sweet.

 

If you do ask them to come over, make sure you practice saying "Thank you so much for taking the kids to the museum. I need to nurse the baby and rest", beforehand.

 

No fair if they take the baby and leave you with the littles and the messy kitchen.

 

Promise you'll try? :D:grouphug:

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Honestly, I might try to arrange an attempt, lol. The other kids usually stick to messes and bickering at their worst, so I'm not too worried about, say, the house burning down.

 

Unfortunately, we don't really have nearby help, but I may suck it up and see if the inlaws can do a day or two next week. Dh is working long hours and running all of my errands for me, so his abilities are limited.

[LittleIzumi]

Do you babywear? Ds pretty much only naps on me if I want it longer than 10 minutes so I strap him on my back. :grouphug::grouphug: And when are YOU going to bed? Go to bed with him if you're not. You need as much sleep as possible!

[Susan C.]

Ds cried the first three months of his life. Fast forward to 16 y/o. He was severely tongue tied. No one said to get it taken care of in infancy..... when he got his braces, he confided in the orthodontist that it bothered him, so we had it clipped when he got his wisdom teeth out. When I googled babies nursing with tied tongues, it said they have to suck an enormous amount of air to be able to nurse. So, he really was miserable.

 

So, check under baby's tongue and see if it is "too attached."

[Susan C.]

:grouphug:

 

I wouldn't bring it up with the ped, unless you are sure beyond sure that the ped is on board with breastfeeding forever and all that. Many peds will recommend starting solids or giving bottles or all sorts of other anti-breastfeeding "solutions." :glare:

 

Could it be that he doesn't like something you're eating? dairy? wheat? broccoli?

 

That is the first thing that was said, stop nursing. My neighbor found me in the car in our driveway crying. She is a nurse. She said, yeah, and when you are all dried up and the baby is still crying, then they will try to figure out what is really causing it. So, I didn't stop nursing!

[duckens]

I'm so glad that you contacted the hive. I hope that you find the answers that you need, either here or elsewhere.

 

Definitely try cutting dairy from your diet. This was an issue for a good friend of mine.

 

Her daughter cried non-stop for 9 months. Imagine an "air-raid siren." She also had trouble gaining weight. This was her first child, and she lives several hours away from extended family.

 

At nine months, the daughter had a bloody stool diaper. They couldn't get into their regular pediatrician on such short notice, so they went to another doctor in the practice. He diagnosed the daughter in about 30 seconds. "And I'll bet she cries a lot, too.....?" he asked.

 

Two weeks later, it was like living with a different kid, she says.

 

Warning: Friend's original pediatrician had thought this might be the problem months before, but didn't want to say something because she wanted the child to get enough nutrition. Because of the milk products, she was below weight in the first nine months. She grew four inches in six months once the problem was diagnosed.

 

I hope that your doctor can help you to find the cause.

[LittleIzumi]

 

Warning: Friend's original pediatrician had thought this might be the problem months before, but didn't want to say something because she wanted the child to get enough nutrition. Because of the milk products, she was below weight in the first nine months. She grew four inches in six months once the problem was diagnosed.

 

I hope that your doctor can help you to find the cause.

 

That's interesting. Skinny dd (4 at the time) grew two inches in as many months when she was diagnosed, too.

[rwilliams]

Try these to see if they help....firm/heavy pressure massage as often as possible with greasy lotion....start the first one as he is waking up. Try holding him more firmly like swaddling would do with deep pressure....kinda of squishing him. Try more types of swinging......swinging with you holding very firmly against you.

[TXMomof4]

My first born cried about 7 hours a day for the first three months of his life. He cried all day no matter what I did. He slept like a rock all night. He continued with his fussiness until about 6 months (although it wasn't as bad as the first three months).

 

I took him to the doctor. We tried all sorts of things. Nothing helped much.

 

A few things he seemed to like was being in a place with a lot of noise. My husband and I would walk around the mall with him in his stroller for hours every weekend. We took him to a polka club on Friday nights where they played loud music (he would be silent the entire time). It was the craziest thing.

 

Now at 9 years old he is still high maintenance. :lol: But at least he doesn't scream for 7 hours. He does complain a lot though!

 

I feel for you.

 

Noise helped my ds also. A friend made me a cd of a vacuum cleaner running. We played it in his room at night - LOUD - and he would quiet down right away. During the day I would have it going full blast in his room during nap time and that was the ONLY time he slept.

 

It's worth a shot!

[Pippen]

Try these to see if they help....firm/heavy pressure massage as often as possible with greasy lotion....start the first one as he is waking up. Try holding him more firmly like swaddling would do with deep pressure....kinda of squishing him. Try more types of swinging......swinging with you holding very firmly against you.

 

Much later we figured out that my very difficult little one had some severe sensory issues. Swaddling tightly (with arms in) in an oversized baby sheet was best for sleeping and holding upright during waking hours.

[LG Gone Wild]

Ds will be 8wk old tomorrow, and he is almost never happy.

 

I should mention that he's a pretty good night sleeper. Most nights, he's out from 8pm to 5 or 6am with 2 drowsy nursing sessions in the middle (cosleeping).

During the day, he's usually content while nursing, will catnap on my chest, and might spend a little bit of time quiet or sleeping in the Moby wrap. 90% of the time, none of that lasts for more than 30 minutes or so before he starts crying. The swing is even shorter - 10 minutes tops.

 

The few smiles he's doled out over the past week or so have mostly been directed toward his siblings. The most I get is a smirk while lifting my shirt. :tongue_smilie:

 

I know his catnaps aren't good enough, but nothing we've tried (including everything in "The No-Cry Nap Solution") has worked. The kid never seems to be happy! For the first 7 weeks, this took a big toll on me from a "work" perspective, but now it's starting to take an emotional toll on me. I mean, what mother can't make her infant happy once in a dang while?!?!?!?

 

I have to schedule his 2 month check up and want to bring this up with the ped, but I'd love to get some insight from the hive!

 

 

I had one of those. Sorry! You just lucked out. My baby screamed for 9 months straight. At least you get some sleep.

:grouphug:

[HS Mom in NC]

My second child was transverse, then, breech then a crash c-section for a detached placenta. Because of it, she had "colick" and reflux problems. She screamed 6 solid hours (6pm-12pm like clockwork) for the first six weeks and was generally fussy other wise. We saw a chiropractor experienced in dealing the neck problems caused by c-sections, forced extractions (forceps, suction, rough handling by OBs) and bad positioning late in pregnancy (breech, and transverse.) After three weeks of treatment she didn't fuss or spit up again. She was happy as could be.

[LittleIzumi]

Much later we figured out that my very difficult little one had some severe sensory issues. Swaddling tightly (with arms in) in an oversized baby sheet was best for sleeping and holding upright during waking hours.

 

My "high needs" one had sensory issues too, but I didn't figure out much to help her besides TONS of white noise until she was older & we realized what was going on.

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug: That is so hard. My oldest son was like that. He cried most of the time for the first 13 months of his life. We cut out dairy, which he was allergic to, but looking back, I think he may have had other allergies, like to eggs. My 2nd ds was allergic to eggs, but it was obvious. My 1st son didn't have the visible symptoms, he just cried. It was a hard year. Then one day, when he was 13 months old, it was like someone turned a switch, and he was a happy child.

 

Those are hard days. :grouphug: I hope it clears up soon. But I'm sure he doesn't hate you. :001_smile:

[joannqn]

My first stop with an unhappy baby is the chiropractor. Birth is quite traumatic to the spine. My oldest had colic, and one adjustment cured her completely and instantly. My youngest cried and spit up constantly; she was allergic to dairy for the first year.

[tmulcahy]

:grouphug:. That is so hard to handle. My daughter was like that and I figured out that she had reflux. She did not have the projectile vomiting that so may other babies had. It was more like I could hear a slight regurgitation in the back of her throat. The constant stomach acid was burning her little esophagus and she was miserable. The Dr prescribed meds and in a week or so she was so much better. I hope you both find some peace soon.

[Mommyof4ks]

My dd has sensory issues, and when she was a baby she would cry literally for hours. We tried everything that friends, the pedi, and even websites suggested with no success. If I had known then that she had sensory issues, then I could have helped her work through those, but I was young and stupid. She is doing very well today and my most even tempered kiddo (it helped that we finally figured out her sensory stuff).

 

It is hard when all they do is cry. :sad:

[SonshineLearner]

An Amby or a Kanoe? (they're baby hammocks) and perhaps the cutting out dairy?? ;( Sorry :(

[ktgrok]

Have you tried gripe water?

[cjzimmer1]

Dairy takes at least two weeks to get out of your system.

 

I know they say it takes that long to fully get out but it was obvious in less than 48 hours that dairy was the culprit with my daughter. So while it might not be fully out that fast the reduction alone can make a huge difference in a lot of cases.

[fairfarmhand]

I

 

At nine months, the daughter had a bloody stool diaper. They couldn't get into their regular pediatrician on such short notice, so they went to another doctor in the practice. He diagnosed the daughter in about 30 seconds. "And I'll bet she cries a lot, too.....?" he asked.

 

.

 

 

my experience here too. dd at age 6 months underwent a flex sig procedure to discover blisters all in her intestines.

 

When I found blood in the diapers of 2 subsequent babies, you better believe I cut out the milk products.

 

(my oldest dd was borderline anemic for over 3 years likely because of the blood she lost in her stool those first few months)

[Sandy in Indy]

Well, you've heard dairy a lot so I won't repeat that suggestion.

 

My last child screamed if I wasn't holding him--like for the first year. Seriously. Twice a week my dd would bravely hold him for 15 minutes so I could shower. Otherwise, he was somehow attached to my body. And he nursed--a lot. And he didn't just cry for a few minutes--I do believe that he could have screamed at the top of his lungs for hours. (I, on the other hand, would have been in the looney bin by then, so I can't verify this one.) And sleep...even as young as 3 weeks, he only slept about 6 hours a day. I was exhausted.

 

Dr. Sears' Fussy Baby book restored my sanity. I really thought that perhaps I had forgotten how to parent an infant. It had been nine years since the last one... Just knowing that I wasn't the only one with a high needs baby was really reassuring.

 

I spent 5 years attached to that child (physically) most of the time. He couldn't sleep unless he had my shirt in his hand or he was otherwise touching me. But after that five years, it was like a light switch was flipped and he became Mr. Self Confident. He's a healthy, happy, independent 10 yr old today.

 

So, cut out the dairy, "wear" the baby and try to remember that those days won't last forever (even though it seems like it).

[jenn-]

Is he really crying all the time, or is your concern that he doesn't project happiness unless he is being held? Does your DH think he cries more than the rest did at this age? I only ask these questions because if you are suffering from postpartum depression, normal baby crying might be getting magnified in your head. Now if the baby is actually crying for hours on end, then I have to agree that the dairy has to go as a first step.