Bullying Update -- it's not good --

[MyBlueLobsters]

Given the extremely humiliating nature of this harrassment, I think you should demand swift and decisive action. Yes, threaten a lawsuit.

 

I am so angry on your behalf, I dare not type anything more. It is beyond MamaBear time. It is power suit, police report, copy the school board Erin Mama Brockovich time.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[ks-sunflower]

I'd file a complaint of sexual assault with the police and I'd demand a meeting with the principal and superintendent immediately. I'd also document the incident and history in a letter to the superintendent.

 

There are also other parents in the school and church whose kids have been through bullying at the school so you should find them and talk to them. Sometimes, your pediatrician can be a good resource as well.

 

I might also talk to DYFS (or whatever state social services organization handles children/youth services) about how to file a complaint against the parents of the young teenager who is acting out this aggressively in school by sexually assaulting other kids.

 

Personally, if it were a private school, my child wouldn't be at that school for another day. And I'd demand a full refund of tuition for the semester or year. If the school refused, I'd go to the papers, etc. whatever it took to get them to do the right thing. Perhaps small claims court would be a useful threat to retrieve tuition.

 

My daughter was harassed both in public and private schools by other girls. We left the (religious) private school with full tuition refund & she stuck out the public for another year after the harassment there. The public school was actually a lot more responsive to the bullying issue than the private one was. My daughter went on to graduate from community college at 17 and started the 4 year state university with 58 college credits. My younger son is currently home schooled.

 

Thoughts and prayers.

[AuntieM]

Okay, I do have one more thing to say.

 

This is TENTH GRADE. It is not the elementary school playground. Guys this age should know better. Consider any action you take a step in the direction of getting this bully on the road to rehabilitation before he ends up in juvvie.

[Irishmommy]

Yeah, I'd get the police involved. There should be no tolerating this.at.all. If it is private school why would he not be expelled if he has a history of harrassment? That confuses me. It seems like your son has already "turned the other cheek" per say. I think the kid should be expelled. You could also look into filing a restraining order against the kid. I'm not sure how old you have to be to have that kind of thing enforced on you, but I would say it is certainly in order.

 

I was sexually harrassed when I was in 6th grade and I had planned to go to the principal about it, but one day, I just got so tired of it, I issued a swift back kick to the shin (with a SHARP soled pair of shoes) and the boy went hopping into the boys' bathroom and never bothered me again.

 

I do not encourage my own children toward violence, however, I think that violence brings more violence. Also, you never know what someone is capable of, so getting into an altercation could totally backfire on you, as well as could get you in trouble as well as the bully.

[catalinakel]

Given the extremely humiliating nature of this harrassment, I think you should demand swift and decisive action. Yes, threaten a lawsuit.

 

I am so angry on your behalf, I dare not type anything more. It is beyond MamaBear time. It is power suit, police report, copy the school board Erin Mama Brockovich time.

 

:iagree:ggggrrrrrrrrr

[Denisemomof4]

I agree with others. If you don't get the results you want at the school, I'd file a police report.

 

I'm so sorry for you and your son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:grouphug:

[Mom0012]

I'm so sorry your DS had to endure this. :(

 

Unfortunately, with a lot of private schools they're looking at the tuition they'll lose if they raise too much a fuss with the bully's parents. BTDT with my two little boys. It wasn't sexual harassment, as in your DS's case, but one boy was the culprit of many, many difficult days. This one boy actually changed my youngest DS's personality! He went from being a sweet, loving boy to being angry all of the time. And my DS7 found himself in the position of 'protector' for his younger brother. If this bully wasn't after my boys, he was after other kids in the classes. The teachers were powerless to do anything, and the office refused to deal with the problem. Even if we could have afforded to keep our boys in private school, they would have been going to a different school the following year. My kids aren't some 'social experiment' for an uncaring school. And neither is your DS. FORCE this school's hand. Even if that means a call to the police or media.

 

I hear you, but it seems very foolish on the school's part. They did wind up losing the tuition from both of your boys in the end, didn't they? And they may lose even more tuition when the bully finds a new victim. Also, the reputation of their school is on the line and they may lose new students because of that as well. It just seems crazy to me that they would protect the child that is causing such disruption in the school rather than the victims.

 

Lisa

[FeFe]

In sixth grade my DS was in line to use the restroom when some kid behind him rubbed himself (clothed) against DS's (clothed) backside. My son pushed him away. DS had a class or two with this other kid and they had no issues before - the kid was just trying to be funny. (???? - some humor)

 

My DS told his teacher. The teacher made some comment like, "that kid's always in trouble." He sent DS to the office to talk with the principal.

 

The principal called me to tell me what happened and told me that it would be dealt with and as a father he'd be furious.

 

The child was expelled from the school. I have no idea what other kind of trouble the kid had been in and my DS wasn't aware of anything either. DS felt pretty bad about it. It was a good lesson on consequences.

 

I'm so sorry this is happening to your son. It seems that most schools have a zero tolerance on bullying. I hope that the school follows through and deals with the bully properly. :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

Thanks, everyone, for taking the time to support me. I appreciate it. I don't have the time to answer individually but I have read everything and it helps me a great deal.

 

I want to clarify that this is all on-going and that the school didn't say or act like they wouldn't address it. I have to give them a chance today, this morning, to do something. I left a message this morning for the VP saying that this needed to be taken care of immediately and that DS needed to be safe at school after this attack. I was in the shower when he called back and left a message for me saying he was dealing with it.

 

So, we'll see.

 

If you are the praying type, pray for the bully's heart to change and for him to see the pain he is causing so many people.

 

Thanks again, everyone. :grouphug:

[NanceXToo]

But why do you feel like you have to step back and let the school "deal with it" by themselves?

 

This is YOUR child and there's no way in hell I'd be trusting the school to sort everything out on their own, if they haven't by now.

 

It's progressed to sexual harassment- bottom line- and you need to take any and ALL steps to protect your child and to send a message to this bully that this isn't going to be tolerated.

 

If the school is going to do that in regard to what happens on school property- great! I hope they do!

 

But if it were my kid? You can bet I'd still be sending the police to his house, letting him AND his parents know that this is no longer a joke and that it's going to get a lot more serious than the school principal threatening to suspend him or the school guidance counselor saying "you stop that now." (Or whatever it is the school might possibly be able to say or do).

 

ETA: and the suggestions about "just tell your son to punch him" aren't necessarily all that realistic if this kid is bigger, stronger, a better fighter or whatever- all it might do is end up getting the OP's son physically hurt. Maybe badly. So I don't agree with that statement. But I would absolutely take it to the next level above calling the principal (oh wait, it wasn't even the principal that called the OP, it was the VICE principal). Yep, I'd call the cops, regardless.

[simka2]

But why do you feel like you have to step back and let the school "deal with it" by themselves?

 

This is YOUR child and there's no way in hell I'd be trusting the school to sort everything out on their own, if they haven't by now.

 

It's progressed to sexual harassment- bottom line- and you need to take any and ALL steps to protect your child and to send a message to this bully that this isn't going to be tolerated.

 

If the school is going to do that in regard to what happens on school property- great! I hope they do!

 

But if it were my kid? You can bet I'd still be sending the police to his house, letting him AND his parents know that this is no longer a joke and that it's going to get a lot more serious than the school principal threatening to suspend him or the school guidance counselor saying "you stop that now." (Or whatever it is the school might possibly be able to say or do).

 

ETA: and the suggestions about "just tell your son to punch him" aren't necessarily all that realistic if this kid is bigger, stronger, a better fighter or whatever- all it might do is end up getting the OP's son physically hurt. Maybe badly. So I don't agree with that statement. But I would absolutely take it to the next level above calling the principal (oh wait, it wasn't even the principal that called the OP, it was the VICE principal). Yep, I'd call the cops, regardless.

 

:iagree:I have to admit this is really bothering me. I KNOW how HARD this is!!! There is a certain amount of wanting it to "just go away." On the other hand you have to act with a long term perspective. Your ds has told you about a horrific situation, and even if he isn't showing or asking...your reaction is going to tell him a lot about 1. his value and 2. what you really think about what this person did.

 

Please, take the bull by the horns, be THAT mom!!! Ask yourself what you want your kid to remember in 5 or 10 years. Yes, something bad happened, but my mom protected me like a roaring lion (I respect her and feel loved), or something bad happened and mom stood by and waited as the same people who assured her this would stop, told her they were "taking care of it."

 

Ps. when we were dealing with a bully situation at our school, I missed the call and there was no "we are taking care of it", only "please call back at your earliest convience."

[StephanieF]

I've been where you are with my ds being bullied in a Catholic school. I gave them the opportunity to deal with it as you have and they did. By the end of the school day that I had reported it on I received a telephone call telling me exactly what they had done.

Hopefully you will receive the same call and the situation will be sorted out.

I gave the school an opportunity to deal with it because I have subcontracted out my son's care to them and I don't think it would be right if I didn't give them the opportunity to sort it out. If they had failed then of course I would have taken it further.

Stephanie

[Sophia]

 

But if it were my kid? You can bet I'd still be sending the police to his house, letting him AND his parents know that this is no longer a joke and that it's going to get a lot more serious than the school principal threatening to suspend him or the school guidance counselor saying "you stop that now." (Or whatever it is the school might possibly be able to say or do).

 

 

 

Yes.

It sounds like the OP and her son are peacemakers at heart, and that's a beautiful thing to be, but consider, that by keeping this boy's feet to the fire, you are keeping the peace in the long run.

My first job out of college was in the Juvenile Dept. of Corrections...I'll never forget the college prof who told me the best thing I could do for those kids was to keep them accountable and let them bear the brunt of the consequences their actions brought about.

The fact that this boy has continued to be a bully since spring is evidence that his consequences were nothing to him.

So, OP, for the sake of your son and that bully's future, seriously consider filing a police report like other poster's have suggested.

[simka2]

I've been where you are with my ds being bullied in a Catholic school. I gave them the opportunity to deal with it as you have and they did. By the end of the school day that I had reported it on I received a telephone call telling me exactly what they had done.

Hopefully you will receive the same call and the situation will be sorted out.

I gave the school an opportunity to deal with it because I have subcontracted out my son's care to them and I don't think it would be right if I didn't give them the opportunity to sort it out. If they had failed then of course I would have taken it further.

Stephanie

 

I would agree, if this was the first time. But, according to the op it isn't :glare: We dealt with a similar situation, and it was handled immediatley. This school just doesn't sound like it has it all together. Plus, I think the actual incident will not be resolved with even the expulsion of the boy.

[Giraffe]

Unsinkable:

 

Be. The. Bear.

 

You can be the bigger person later. Right now you need to call the police and demand action. For your son and everyone else who will be targets of this bully.

[AuntieM]

:iagree:I have to admit this is really bothering me. I KNOW how HARD this is!!! There is a certain amount of wanting it to "just go away." On the other hand you have to act with a long term perspective. Your ds has told you about a horrific situation, and even if he isn't showing or asking...your reaction is going to tell him a lot about 1. his value and 2. what you really think about what this person did.

 

Please, take the bull by the horns, be THAT mom!!! Ask yourself what you want your kid to remember in 5 or 10 years. Yes, something bad happened, but my mom protected me like a roaring lion (I respect her and feel loved), or something bad happened and mom stood by and waited as the same people who assured her this would stop, told her they were "taking care of it."

 

Ps. when we were dealing with a bully situation at our school, I missed the call and there was no "we are taking care of it", only "please call back at your earliest convience."

 

:iagree: Simka, you said it much more succinctly than I could!

 

Unsinkable, it is easy for us to tell you to throw your weight around, since we aren't the ones actually right there. I know you want to give the proper channels a chance to operate. I pray that they will! But I would urge you not to let this go on beyond today.

 

Hoping you can pop in here soon with an update to let us know that it has all been admirably handled by the school staff.

 

If not, post before you make your charge, we will stand with you in prayer!

[simka2]

Just, wanted to add that my heart really goes out to you! This is so hard, especailly when you are a kind and tenderhearted person...like you sound :001_smile:.

 

You are an amazing mom!!!

[unsinkable]

The VP called. The bully is not allowed back to class until he & his parents meet with the principal. I think that has to happened before he is suspended.

 

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

The VP called. The bully is not allowed back to class until he & his parents meet with the principal. I think that has to happened before he is suspended.

 

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

You could see if you get a satisfactory response from the school. OTOH if an adult did that to another adult, it would be considered assualt if I am not mistaken since assault is considered any unwanted touch from what I recall from my nursing days.

:grouphug:

[MBM]

Is it possible to discuss your options with a police officer in case you need to go further? Does anyone here know?

You've probably already done this, but the little bit of advice I'd add is to tell your son nothing is wrong with him. He is dealing with a jerk. It's wonderful your son will come talk to you about this. Many kids won't and suffer greatly.

 

You have my sympathy. I have had to deal with bully situations, and it's exhausting and unnerving. I hope all turns outs well for your son.

[brehon]

The VP called. The bully is not allowed back to class until he & his parents meet with the principal. I think that has to happened before he is suspended.

 

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

 

Well, I do think you are standing up for your son. You are allowing the school's procedure for this incident to play out. Is the school addressing the incident as bullying or sexual harassment? These are probably two different policies and are handled two different ways. Just make sure the VP and P are using the sexual harassment policy with this kid.

 

If the school does not acceptably deal with this issue you should definitely file a report with the police. From what you have written your ds was sexually harassed. The police will not (or at least should not) laugh at you or think you're overreacting. They tend to take sexual harassment quite seriously, especially when it involves older teens. Good luck.

[simka2]

Okay, now that you have gotten somewhat of a response...I would still go up there. I would very calmy tell the principal that my your concerns go beyond just having this kids expelled. "I" would ask them to provide counseling (not school counselor, but trauma). I would inform them that they need to convince "ME", that they are doing everything to 1. insure ds safety (physical and psychological) and 2. to provide the resources to ds for healing. I would inform that I will and have documented everything that has taken place...and I will be looking into wether In as a parent, need to take further action.

 

You don't have to say the term assault, police, or lawyer...their mind will go there on it's own.

[Dobela]

OP, you are currently going thru correct and respected channels for the school. I respect your decision to do so. If you need to make the decision to involve police and attorney's later, it will be more meaningful if you can show you followed school policy first. They can't accuse you of overreacting too soon that way.

 

If the school handles it well, and the bully is held responsible and also stops bullying other students, then you may have to decide if the school punishment is enough. Personally, I would expect a full apology and expulsion. I would however make it very clear to the principal, the VP, and to the other parents (especially to them) that you are fully aware you can pursue this in other ways including filing criminal charges against the bully and filing a lawsuit against the school if the bullying does not stop.

[simka2]

Well, I do think you are standing up for your son. You are allowing the school's procedure for this incident to play out. Is the school addressing the incident as bullying or sexual harassment? These are probably two different policies and are handled two different ways. Just make sure the VP and P are using the sexual harassment policy with this kid.

 

If the school does not acceptably deal with this issue you should definitely file a report with the police. From what you have written your ds was sexually harassed. The police will not (or at least should not) laugh at you or think you're overreacting. They tend to take sexual harassment quite seriously, especially when it involves older teens. Good luck.

 

:iagree:Very true. You could just go up and say "I need to see your policy on dealing with sexual harrasment." That should insure the ball is rolling :)

[simka2]

The VP called. The bully is not allowed back to class until he & his parents meet with the principal. I think that has to happened before he is suspended.

 

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

 

I think if ds KNOWS you are going thru the proper channels for now, but will take this further if they fail you guys...he will feel and know your support and protection :D

[Sophia]

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

 

You are standing up for your ds. Unfortunately, this bully has demonstrated that he doesn't care about warnings~and that has nothing to do with you, but with the fact that he hasn't been made uncomfortable enough to stop his behavior yet.

I have been accused of overreacting to situations before.

I don't care. My response is "this time is the last time this happens."

If others know to expect an "over the top" reaction, they might think twice before starting such nonsense because they figure it's just not worth it.

:grouphug:

But personalities are different and you have to be comfortable with what you decide.

Definitely something to pray about.

[Impish]

I think, perhaps, that labeling this a sexual assault, while true, amps this situation up to a level that Unsinkable and her ds are completely caught off guard with, as are any victims. Bullying is one thing...deal with it at school. Sexual assault, involving police, court, testifying, is a whole other level, and one that nobody is ever really 'prepared' for.

 

Problem is, this was a sexual assault. And unfortunately, the child is going to feel and go through the emotions that accompany such a violation.

 

I'm sorry this happened. Nobody should ever experience it. :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

The VP called. The bully is not allowed back to class until he & his parents meet with the principal. I think that has to happened before he is suspended.

 

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

 

I'm so sorry I was part of the reason you got shaky. I would never want to do that.

 

I wanted to encourage you to go to the police IF you didn't get satisfactory results with the school. I still recommend this. My ds suffered a double concussion last year. It never should have happened. His coaches failed him on many levels, as did the school. The principal was so upset by everything and yet when we went to the school for a meeting, he was "called away" and we never heard from him again. The athletics director called the incident a hazing, then abruptly recanted his words. The school likely knew they had a very serious issue which COULD have resulted in a lawsuit. I initially was so upset that I contacted a lawyer, and once I calmed down, we just let it go. I do wish we had kept up with the lawyer, I wish we had filed a police report, there are many things I wish we had followed through with. But ds didn't want us to and we had just suffered the loss of my mother. It was a mistake to let it go. Ds suffered the affects of those concussions. He has had behavioral issues ever since, thankfully not constant, but he is changed.. He passed out in school and we were never called. He had other changes and doctors don't know what caused them. His grades were affected.

 

Now, a year later, we are going for a neuropsyche evaluation. The dr says he may have a brain lesion which catscans and MRI's can't detect. We will be paying hundreds of dollars out of pocket, if not over a thousand.

 

Now our situation is entirely different, but had I followed up with authorities or even a lawyer, I think we would have gotten attention and treatment sooner. I've not just sat by silently. I've been running my son all over the place for answers. Like most medical issues in our family, I can't find a doctor to HEAR me until recently.

 

I'm sorry....... but I do agree with Impish. It must really shake you to the core of your being, but I agree that this was sexual assault. You're being a GOOD mom to stand up for your son. I still stand by what I say, though. If the school doesn't deal with this in a powerful way, I would go to the proper authorities.

:grouphug:

[RanchGirl]

The key point in my opinion is that the child was already "warned" and he not only continued the behavior, but escalated it to sexual assault. And he publicly advertised beforehand what he was going to do!! And even with this knowledge, the school did nothing to stop it.

 

The school was made aware of the problem and did not protect your child, despite warnings of the coming attack. Nothing less than permanently expelling this kid would be acceptable to me, and I wouldn't send my child back to school until they have done that. I would send him to martial arts classes instead in the meantime, and let him know he has full permission to defend himself.

 

I would contact the parents of the other victim, make sure they are on the same page, and have them meet me in the principal's office to make sure this punk is expelled. Politely but firmly. Sexual harassment and bullying -- this kid is reprehensible and should be stopped. Who knows what he is doing to other kids who aren't telling their parents?

[duckens]

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

 

Super! If the police choose to "laugh" at you, they can be sued or at least embarrassed if this bullying continues. The local paper would LOVE to see the local police not taking sexual harrassment of a local teen/minor! That would sell papers!

 

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Documentation is your friend. Let them know you are writing it down: date, time, names, titles/positions/badge numbers.

 

As a pp said, let your son look back 10 years from now and know that you protected him like a roaring lion. Do everything possible to let the offender and his parents know that this behavior is NOT acceptable. The schools prior threats haven't been enough, and suspension only removes the offender from the situation -- temporarily!

 

Maybe he will respect the police better.

 

ETA: Be the parents my parents never were. BTW, I am not on good terms with my parents because they never advocated for me over years and years of this sort of situation. I am 40yo and done making excuses for them.

Edited September 16, 2010 by duckens

[Garga]

It's wonderful your son will come talk to you about this. Many kids won't and suffer greatly.

 

 

 

You know, I had some pretty bad times in school and I never (ever, ever--even to this oday) talked to my mother about it. Because I was convinced she couldn't do anything about it. And she really might have been able to do something, but since I believed she couldn't, I never told her.

 

Don't let your son be convinced you can't do anything about this...or if it happens again, he won't bother to tell you.

 

And let yourself be angry about this. A young man rubbed himself all over your son! Ewww! It's totally a sexual assault and simply cannot be tolerated. It just can't.

 

Being afraid the police will think you're overreacting:

I had a friend who thought she was being stalked, because a man kept "happening" to be in the same aisle at Walmart every morning when she went there (yes--for some reason she went every morning--I think to get donuts or something). She went to the police. They took her VERY seriously, and even brought the man into the station. When the man said, "I'm not stalking her! I'm just shopping!" the officer told the man, "I don't believe you. And if anything happens to this woman--we're coming after you first."

 

She had NO proof of anything, other than the guy was always in the aisle with her and "gave her a funny look." But the police took it very seriously.

 

Don't be afraid of them not taking things seriously, you might be surprised at what they take seriously. And if they don't--at least you've got something documented and your son knows you've got his back.

[Garga]

The key point in my opinion is that the child was already "warned" and he not only continued the behavior, but escalated it to sexual assault. And he publicly advertised beforehand what he was going to do!! And even with this knowledge, the school did nothing to stop it.

 

 

 

Bingo. I think this is why we're all so ready to fight for you. This isn't the first time. This has to be stopped or the boy will keep bullying.

[Impish]

Bingo. I think this is why we're all so ready to fight for you. This isn't the first time. This has to be stopped or the boy will keep bullying.

He's going to keep sexually assaulting other children. This isn't 'bullying' anymore.

 

Sexual assault is never about sex. Its always about power. And this kid has moved beyond the power of bullying to sexual assault...and its going to get more and more serious if not stopped.

[simka2]

I thought of pming this to you, but I think it is good for all of us to be aware...

From wikipedia, not the best source...but this is a good simplified defention.

 

 

Definition

In the United Kingdom the Sexual Offences Act 2003 defines "sexual assault" as when a person (A)

 

1. intentionally touches another person (B),
   
   
2. the touching is sexual,
   
   
3. B does not consent to the touching, and
   
   
4. A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
   
   

In the United States the definition of sexual assault varies widely between the individual states. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network defines "sexual assault" as

 

 

unwanted sexual contact that stops short of rape or attempted rape. This includes sexual touching and fondling.

[7]

[Crissy]

ETA: Be the parents my parents never were. BTW, I am not on good terms with my parents because they never advocated for me over years and years of this sort of situation. I am 40yo and done making excuses for them.

 

She is being a great parent, and she is advocating for her son. Maybe in a different way than you would choose for your own child, but she certainly isn't sitting on a problem just hoping it will go away.

[Heather in AL]

The VP called. The bully is not allowed back to class until he & his parents meet with the principal. I think that has to happened before he is suspended.

 

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

 

You *are* standing up for your ds. Be proud of yourself for this. Can you just call the police non-emergency number and speak to someone? Whoever you talk to will get a sense of what is going on and will tell you if you should/could file a report. I would make sure to tell them that the boy has been warned and is escalating in his attacks. Just see what they say.

 

 

He's going to keep sexually assaulting other children. This isn't 'bullying' anymore.

 

Sexual assault is never about sex. Its always about power. And this kid has moved beyond the power of bullying to sexual assault...and its going to get more and more serious if not stopped.

 

I agree. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it escalates even more. This is beyond serious. What if this had happened in the locker room? Just because it was in the hallway doesn't make it less of a s*xual assault. The bully is more than old enough to understand what he is doing and that makes him very dangerous, IMO.

 

I am so sorry for you and your ds. I can't stop thinking about you and him and hoping for a positive outcome. :grouphug:

 

And tell your ds not to be hard on himself for not helping the other boy. He was in shock. I'm willing to bet he'll step in the next time he sees something like this. My ds did, and although he was nervous, he felt *so much better* after for having stood up for someone who couldn't/wouldn't stand up for himself.

 

You're doing a great job. This is scary for both of you. It's easy for us to say "do this" or "do that", but only you know how far you are willing to take it. As long as your ds knows you'll go to bat for him, he'll appreciate it.

Edited September 16, 2010 by Heather in AL
For clarity.

[jelbe5]

I would contact the parents of the other victim, make sure they are on the same page, and have them meet me in the principal's office to make sure this punk is expelled. Politely but firmly. Sexual harassment and bullying -- this kid is reprehensible and should be stopped. Who knows what he is doing to other kids who aren't telling their parents?

 

:iagree:

 

You are being a great mom and dealing with this in a much more graceful way than I feel I would. I do agree with the above statement . . . I believe you stated in a later post that after your son pushed this bully away twice he did the same thing to another student that he did to your son. This kid has major problems and who knows what he is doing. The fact that he did it to another student should be mentioned . . . I feel involving additional authorities would actually be the best thing . . . it would drive home the seriousness of this behavior and hopefully get this kid (and probably that family) some much needed help. My hope would be the school would contact the police and/or child services . . .

 

Adrianne in IL

[elise1mds]

...the police took it very seriously.

 

Don't be afraid of them not taking things seriously, you might be surprised at what they take seriously. And if they don't--at least you've got something documented and your son knows you've got his back.

 

 

You're doing great. You're not letting it go, and that's important. And you and your son definitely deserve some big, giant

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:.

 

Hang in there, document it all, and call the cops if the kid stays at that school. There's no way I'd let a predator anywhere near my kids ever. Your family is in my thoughts!

[Parrothead]

The VP called. The bully is not allowed back to class until he & his parents meet with the principal. I think that has to happened before he is suspended.

 

I am feeling really shaky about some of the responses b/c I think I am standing up for DS and letting him know that we will protect him.

 

I am afraid if we go to the police, we'll get laughed at for overreacting. :confused:

Nope, you should not get laughed at for over reacting. Call, request an officer to come by and speak with you. Try to keep information you give a dispatcher to a minimum. The last thing you want is some yahoo with a scanner hearing your address and sexual assault case. Or if you prefer go to the station and speak to an officer there.

 

I don't know where you live. If you get the feeling things are being swept under the rug or that the good ol' boy system is in place. (Small town) Politely thank the officer and go straight to the district attorney's office. They will be able to tell you if criminal charges are worth pursuing.

 

You are being the best of moms.

[Medieval Mom]

He's going to keep sexually assaulting other children. This isn't 'bullying' anymore.

 

Sexual assault is never about sex. Its always about power. And this kid has moved beyond the power of bullying to sexual assault...and its going to get more and more serious if not stopped.

 

I agree. This must be stopped, not only to protect your son, but other victims now and in the future. This isn't bullying, this is assault.

 

And, what in the world were all those boys thinking who were standing around laughing????????!!!!!!!! I could never comprehend group rape, and this scenario sounds all too similar. :mad:

 

The police NEED to be involved at this point: 1) to get the jerk on record, 2) to demonstrate to your son the proper procedure if, God help us, he ever needs to deal with a similar situation outside of school, and 3) to demonstrate that this is serious beyond all measure to you, your son, his fellow students, the perpetrator, his parents, and society.

 

Frankly, how the school handles it is secondary.

 

Stepping off the soapbox...

[Denisemomof4]

I just want to send more:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: We've had to deal with incidents in school. I know how difficult it is on all sides. I know you're worried about your son. I know how hard it is to watch your child hurt. As a mother you'd do anything in your power you could to stop it.

 

I just want you to know that your son is lucky to have you as a mother. You're doing such a great job.

 

Sending more :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mandy in TN]

Here is a link to a story that demonstrates how this can escalate.

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2010/aug/26/school-incident-sparks-probe/

 

As I understand it, there was a previous problem with these students.

Mandy

[MamaBirdX7]

Do not ever feel silly about protecting your child.

Edited September 22, 2010 by ceecee75
tmi

[grace'smom]

I agree with the person who said it seemed like sexual assault. He forcibly touched him in a sexual manner.

 

But I haven't read all the comments yet...

[msk]

Regarding the "not helping the other kid" business-- in my opinion your son has probably done more to help other potential victims in the future by knowing he had to tell you what happened, than he would have accomplished by pushing the bully away from the other kid that day. You're now on the path to stopping the bully from escalating his behavior into even worse forms of hurting others (whatever form that path ends up taking, and whatever you end up having to do). It can be really hard to "tell" about these things, and it takes more courage to overcome that than it does to react by instinct in the heat of the moment. Your son probably knows this already, but it can't hurt to repeat it!

[NanceXToo]

Please, don't think that I meant that you AREN'T taking steps or protecting your son! I'm really sorry if the way I worded my last post made you feel bad. I guess I just had a really strong reaction- not to you, but to the situation!

 

And truly I hate to think that you are worried about being laughed at, or whether you would be over-reacting, or embarrassed to call to report this sexual harassment... that's... I don't know, like a victim mentality, a being nervous to tell kind of thing... but I don't think you should feel like that!

 

If YOU are really comfortable with just letting the school handle things for now, that is certainly your choice, and that certainly is taking steps to protect your child.

 

I just think that FOR ME it's gotten more serious and needs to go a bit above and beyond the school, so that EVERYBODY involved- the school, the bully, the bully's parents- knows how serious this matter really is. AND so you have some very good documentation if anything even remotely like it ever happens again.

 

You don't want to be kicking yourself later thinking "man, if only I'd done this or that" while your son, meanwhile, is feeling like a victim yet again. So I guess I would just pull out all the stops at this point if it were me. But you are the one who is his mom and who knows him, you are the one who is going to hear firsthand what the other kids and his parents and the principal have to say, so do what you feel is right/best!

[StephanieZ]

That is sexual harassment. I'd see what the school policy for sexual harassment is - especially if there were witnesses.

 

Actually, sexual assault.

[amey311]

Here's the thing about calling the police. First, call the non-emergency number, and ask to have an officer come out because your son is being harassed at school and you want things on record. This doesn't mean you want him charged with anything, this doesn't mean you want him arrested, etc. Talk to the officers. Explain that you want the incident (and any previous ones, if you have dates, and go back thru your old posts if you've mentioned them here to get the dates straight in your mind) documented. This is not just to protect your son. It's possible this boy will never do anything else to your son after this suspension/meeting with his parents.

 

That doesn't mean he won't do it to someone else.

 

You providing documentation and an incident report (or whatever they call it) to the police can help establish a PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR. That way, if this jerk does something else and those parents call the police as well, it's possible some serious flares will go up - it will no longer be isolated incidents, be recurrent negative behavior.

 

Yes, I know the most important thing is to protect you and yours, but perhaps knowing that you could also be protecting someone else might help you and your son make the decision to contact the authorities.

[Harriet Vane]

Here's the thing about calling the police. First, call the non-emergency number, and ask to have an officer come out because your son is being harassed at school and you want things on record. This doesn't mean you want him charged with anything, this doesn't mean you want him arrested, etc. Talk to the officers. Explain that you want the incident (and any previous ones, if you have dates, and go back thru your old posts if you've mentioned them here to get the dates straight in your mind) documented. This is not just to protect your son. It's possible this boy will never do anything else to your son after this suspension/meeting with his parents.

 

That doesn't mean he won't do it to someone else.

 

You providing documentation and an incident report (or whatever they call it) to the police can help establish a PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR. That way, if this jerk does something else and those parents call the police as well, it's possible some serious flares will go up - it will no longer be isolated incidents, be recurrent negative behavior.

 

Yes, I know the most important thing is to protect you and yours, but perhaps knowing that you could also be protecting someone else might help you and your son make the decision to contact the authorities.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[~Amanda~]

Hugs to you; Keep us posted. I'm praying this all works out for you.