Need Help- My 12 year old is reading this- thanks

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

How old are your kids- and what kinds of chores do they have? What is expected of them. Also, what happens if they give you "attitude" about something? I am not used to this attitude (please tell me it does not stay:glare:) We are having a pre-teen moment tonight with my 12 year old. I am new to this- she is normally AMAZINGLY well behaved. So I would like HER to see what is expected of other kids and how other parents handle attitude so she can see that our expectations are not unreasonable. Thanks for your help!

[usetoschool]

Well, all my kids always did chores. There was just no such thing as not doing it. They did have friends who didn't do a single thing around they house and they would sometimes, ahem, bring that up but I could point to the negative traits in their life and personality that kind of cut that off quickly.

 

They were always responsible for their own rooms and starting around 12, their own laundry. Everyone had a laundry day.

 

We have a full years worth of chores that cover the entire house and they are divided up by days and months and we would just take the daily list and divvy it up between the kids. Usually 5-7 chores each. Things like wipe the bathroom sink and counter, sweep the kitchen, take out the trash, vacuum the family room, wash windows, wipe down doors and baseboards.

 

Right now we have assigned permanent chores so my son who is about her age sweeps the tile in the entry, takes out the bathroom and family room trash, dusts the family room, and wipes the sink and counter in the bathroom plus keeping up his own room and taking care of himself and his clothes.

 

He also helps with whatever I need help with, dishes or tonight he was helping in the garden.

 

We always found it a lot more fun when we worked together and all did chores at the same time, sometimes made a race out of it or whatever.

 

There are no consequences for not doing chores, it is just kind of family culture, there are just chores, not optional, you just do them because it is your home. M is for mom, not maid :001_smile:

 

Kids can feel however they want - they are entitled to their feelings - they just don't get to make other peoples lives miserable, so grumble to yourself if you like but that is where it ends.

[bluemongoose]

Well my oldest is only 5.5yo, so not really the same, but her list of chores:

 

Make her bed

Clean her room

Clean the playroom

Drop her dirty clothes down the chute

Put her clean clothes away

Help set the table

Vac the hardwood floor in the dining room and kitchen

Put away clean kitchen towels and dish rags on laundry day

 

If she gives me attitude (we use love and logic) we remind her that her attitude drains my energy and she will have to do something to help get my energy level back up. Usually this is mopping a section of the hardwood floor on hands and knees with a rag.

[MariannNOVA]

Hi, 12 y/o :seeya:

 

We have an 11.5 y/o daughter and boy/girl twins who are almost 10. Here's what they do: (I will try to do it from when they get up in the morning so i don't leave anything out)"

 

FIRST THING IN THE A.M.:

 

DOG: Two people take the dog out; the third person gets the dog's food and water set out for him. During the day, I will ask any of the three to do this or that for the dog, and they do it.

 

BEDROOMS: Each person is responsible for making their bed, making sure their bedroom is neat, no clothes or anything thrown on the floor.

 

BREAKFAST: Each of them gets their own breakfast - cereal, waffles, pancakes, whatever. I put out their vitamins. They buss their own stuff after EVERY MEAL. That is a rule - CLEAN YOUR PLACE AT THE TABLE.

 

I will ask one of them each day to collect the laundry to be washed (I will already have it separated) and to get it in the washer and get the washer started. That person will also have to get any clothing out of the dryer and bring it into my room so I can fold it. Also, if there (by some error) was any laundry left in the washer overnight, that person has to put it in the dryer and start the dryer.

 

Everyone is responsible for taking their folded clothes from my bed and putting it away in their dresser.

 

When they brush their teeth, they are responsible for taking a bottle of running alcohol, putting it on a paper towel, and wiping down the sink and the vanity in the bathroom. The last person to brush has to do this. DD11 has her own bathroom and she is responsible for keeping it clean - and I mean, clean as in spotless.

 

They all take turns sweeping the floor (we have wood floors throughout the house), and wet swiffering - kitchen, dining room, living room, hallway, and twice a week, each of them does their own bedroom.

 

They also take turns dusting -- two people dust, the other one does the swiffering. BTW, they LOVE swiffering.

 

Each of them takes the glass milk bottles out to the front where our milk is delivered as I ask them to. DD11 will often change the plastic bag in the kitchen wastebasket without even being asked - I will ask one of them at least once a day to do it.

 

They take turns setting the table for dinner. I prepare lunch -- again, they buss their places.

 

When showering or bathing, they are responsible for their towels and clothes being put in the hamper. I tell them what day to take the sheets off their bed and they leave them in the laundry room so they can be washed. DD11 LOVES to run the washer so she has kind of taken over that job.

 

They have been doing these jobs for a few months but only two weeks ago began receiving an allowance. The rule is if they grumble, they will not receive their allowance. Or if they don't do the job the way that I know they are capable of doing the job, they will re-do it the right way and they will risk losing the allowance for that week.

 

We don't have a dishwasher right now (it has to be installed) so they take turns washing, drying and putting away the dishes -- it's a novelty for them, so they like it. When we had a dishwasher and when the new one is up and running, we rotate on a daily basis emptying it. Everyone puts their own dirty dishes and glasses in the d/w.

 

When we get back from grocery shopping, everyone carries enough bags in so that we get them in the house in one trip.

 

HTH:001_smile:

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

The attitude emanating from the 11-14 year old is normal and age-appropriate. That said, I don't put up with it. In our house, having acknowledged that hormones and perceptions cause involuntary sarcasm and/or rolling of the eyes, we put the responsibility on the kid to get a handle on it. ASAP. The adult has the responsibility to only notice it happening 1/3 of the time or less, as long as the kid is working on fighting the impulse to think the adults are idiots.

 

The more amazingly well-behaved a kid has been in the past, the more likely we are to attribute rude behavior to his just being in a "phase." In our house, no phase is allowed to extend beyond 3-6 months at the absolute worst.

 

Chores:

 

11-14yo's here wash dishes, clean the entire kitchen, clean bathrooms, mow and trim the 1/2 acre yard, cook entire meals, catch up all the laundry (wash, line dry, fold, put away), help with little brother's homeschool lessons, plant, hoe, weed, and pick the garden, clean the vehicles, clean the garage, and clean their rooms. Not all on the same day.

 

Basically, any filthy nasty job that an adult can do, a tween can do better. They are more limber and agile, and less hardened by life.

 

If my sons have extremely hard or lengthy lessons on a given day, I count that as more important than chores if they don't have time for both. If they've been mouthy or stupid, chores rise to the top of the to-do list. Mostly because the more they cultivate attitude, the more likely it becomes that the only jobs they'll ever be able to keep will be janitorial or worse. So they should practice for that.

[Truscifi]

I only have one child, and he is little yet (6 yo), but here's what he does:

 

cleans his own room

puts away his own laundry

unloads the dishwasher

helps unload and put away groceries

cleans up his toys/books

cleans and organizes the shoe cubbies

takes out the trash

takes out the compost

cleans the sliding glass doors (2 sets)

uses the sweeper/wetjet for messes

takes care of his dog and lizard

 

Some of these are every day things, some are once a week, and some are 'as needed'. Most of the time he is happy to help, but occasionally he does get an attitude. If the attitude is over one of his toys/books, it goes in time out until he can appreciate it enough to take care of it. If it is over other chores he is reminded that he can't do anything else til chores are done and he is welcome to sit quietly in his room (not playing, just sitting) until he is ready to do them, but I am not going to deal with attitude.

 

HTH.

[Dawn in OH]

My older children (7 1/2 and 9) are responsible for making their beds and cleaning their rooms daily. The beds are made in the morning before breakfast and the rooms are to be cleaned up before dinner.

 

They also help with dinner: setting the table, taking things to the table, making salads, cleaning up from dinner, washing dishes, and sweeping the kitchen floor. They take turns with each chore.

 

My daughter changes the kitchen garbage, my son changes the bathroom garbage.

 

They help their little brother clean up his toys. The living room gets cleaned up twice a day, once before dinner and once before bed.

 

Both children fold and put away their own laundry.

 

Some times there will be extra chores, depending on whether company is coming, Mom is sick, the little ones are sick, Dad is working a lot. Then the kids will be expected to help with various chores not limited to cleaning the bathroom, dusting, etc. You pitch in to the best of your ability.

 

Attitude lands you in the corner with a lecture from Mom and another lecture from Dad. You stay in the corner until Mom is done feeling frustrated. This can take a very long time. A child in the corner is one less person whining, complaining, fighting, and making a mess.

 

Dad has to work to pay for the home and food. Mom takes care of the house and the kids. If Dad doesn't work there's no place to live and no food. If Mom doesn't do her job, the house is a mess, there's no food to eat and no clean clothes. Dad is not a sucker and Mom's not a servant. If the kids don't do their jobs, there's no dinner. They've only missed dinner once.

[myfunnybunch]

All of my children do chores. I don't have a 12 y.o. right now, but at 12, my oldest dd was helping clean the kitchen every night (and did it on her own when we were not available), cleaned her bathroom weekly, fed the cats daily and brushed them weekly, swept and mopped floors, vacuumed, wiped cabinets, cleaned windows, kept the basement clean, folded laundry, washed the cars, emptied trash cans and helped with other chores when asked.

 

Our philosophy: What we ask is reasonable, everyone in the house participates in household chores to their abilities, and sharing work is a part of living in a family. If my dd had an attitude, I usually pointed it out, sometimes immediately and sometimes a little later, and asked her to keep it to herself. Often she was able to recognize it when I talked to her about it. She's always been pretty mature in that way. And in return, because she tried really hard to keep on top of the attitude, I tried to be understanding the times she slipped a little.

 

Kids can feel however they want - they are entitled to their feelings - they just don't get to make other peoples lives miserable, so grumble to yourself if you like but that is where it ends.

 

Yes, this. And I would add that it applies to all people. It's normal to feel grumpy or resentful or irritated when asked to do something we don't want to do. We're even entitled to speak up for ourselves politely or ask to talk about a problem calmly. But we are not entitled to be rude to others or to make others miserable just because we're unhappy.

 

I've often found for myself that if I approach a chore I don't want to do with a pleasant attitude, I may not enjoy the actual job, but at least I'm not miserable, and it's always lovely to accomplish my goal, whether it's a clean bathroom or a weed-free garden. :)

 

Cat

[lil'red]

DD13 vacuums the entire house (carpets, hardwood, & vinyl), keeps room clean, bed made daily, cleans her bathroom, takes care of her pets (clean cages, food & water), helps to put away dishes, periodically cleans the base boards and mini blinds, bakes, helps with the food preparations, helps fold the laundry, gets in the mail, rolls the trash can back up and brings in the recycle bin from the curb on trash day. She has a schedule to keep on track.

 

She receives a weekly allowance and tithes weekly at church. If there is something special she wants, she has to save to purchase it with the money she has earned. We use this to teach her value and budgeting.

 

If I receive attitude then what she is doing is called to her attention and how it makes her look. If the attitude continues, privileges are taken away; things like ipods, computer time, TV time, phone time, etc. If things continue then she is not allowed to spend time with her friends for a certain period of time. I have also found that when she starts spending a lot of time doing the aforementioned things, it reflects in her attitude.

 

My DD is very obedient; usually discussing her attitude and how it makes her look will be enough to curb the behavior, but we have had to take things to the next level at times. At this age they are trying to separate and become individuals, they are just not sure how to do this.

[Mrs Mungo]

My 9 year old receives $7/week. Typical chores for him: feeding pets, picking up dog poop, cleaning his room, tidying the bathroom he shares with his sister, general tidying around the house, emptying the dishwasher, clearing and wiping tables and counters, emptying the small trash cans around the house.

 

My 11 year old receives $10/week. Typical chores for her include all of the above plus cleaning the bathroom she shares with her brother (mirror, sink, toilet, floor, everything) and vacuuming.

 

My 14 year old receives $20/week (she also pays for her phone and some outings with her friends). Typical chores for her include the above plus washing dishes, taking out the kitchen trash, doing laundry, cleaning her bathroom and babysitting her siblings.

 

Attitude about chores=extra chores.

[elise1mds]

Both children (ages 7.5 and 5) do the following:

 

Make their beds each day

Make sure dirty clothes are put in the hamper (and I will not wash clothes that are inside out or that have items in the pockets - they correct the issue and I wash it next time)

Take their meal dishes to the kitchen

Clean up any spills and messes they make, within reason

Fold and put away all their laundry (DD can't hang her dresses yet, but she can do everything else)

Put away some of the dishes out of the dishwasher (DD puts away silverware; DS puts away pots, pans, and utensils)

Put away toys daily

Help clean their pets' cages (DD has a gerbil; DS has a lizard and fish)

 

They also do other chores when asked. DD has her own vacuum cleaner - requested and received it for her birthday - and will vacuum her room and DS's in exchange for DS dusting both bedrooms. They generally do this three weeks a month and I give the room a good cleaning the other week. Sometimes, for extra privileges, they'll mop floors, feed the cats (6) and dogs (2), or do other odd jobs.

 

Do they complain sometimes? You betcha. Do I tolerate it? Heck no. In fact, that's a fast way for me to add jobs to the list WITHOUT added privileges. There's always work to be done around here, and they are perfectly capable of doing a lot of it. In fact, today DS helped me clean out the chicken coop and weed the garden in exchange for getting to come out of his room for an hour. He was supposed to be grounded, so the freedom of the back yard was heaven, even if he was working.

[Melissa B]

My 12 year old daughter's chores.

 

Each morning before school starts:

 

Make her bed

Clean her room

Clean the bathroom (We have 3 bathrooms - dd12, dd10 and I each clean one)

Make sure the kitchen is picked up after breakfast

Run the trash to the curb (2x per week)

School begins at 6:30 am.

 

 

Before lunch all children do a 15 minute quick pick up around the house

Prepares lunch for younger two children

Watches younger children outdoors during lunch break 30min-1hr daily

 

 

Cooks dinner 1-2 times per week

Washes dishes/picks up kitchen (with dd10) each night after dinner

 

On our day off (Friday) we all work together for about 2 hours to clean the entire house.

 

 

She is also responsible for helping dh with the care/cleaning/maintenance of the boats.

 

 

We don't give any sort of allowance. As to attitudes, they are rare and I will generally give a verbal warning suggesting she watch her attitude or let her know I feel she is being disrespectful. I try and keep things light. My eldest has a mean stare that really upsets dh, but I will usually stare right back and she is good natured so she generally is forced to crack a smile. If a bad attitude continues I assign a chore to be completed immediately. It is usually mopping all the tile floors by hand. It generally takes about 90 minutes. No one really enjoys it, so I save it for any child that needs some time on her knees to compose herself. :D

[Peela]

My kids are ages 14 and 16 now, but they have been doing teh same chores since before they were 12:

 

Alternate weeks each:

 

One child does ALL the dishwashing and kitchen cleaning work- 3 times a day, every day, every alternate week. We have a dishwasher, but there is plenty more to do on top of that- washing pots and pans, cleaning surfaces, putting things away.

 

The other child in that week will feed the chickens and when we had a rabbit, the rabbit, that week.

 

Dd also cleans and checks the pool every day, and ds does all teh bins.

 

Both kids do their own waashing (have done for years) and clean their rooms. They also help with vacuuming, dusting and extra chores as needed.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Loving it!!! (Me-- not her;)) Keep them coming!!!! BTW, I am realizing I do not have her do enough :D (Did you hear the groan from behind my shoulders?? :D)

[Pretty in Pink]

My 11yo will be 12 in September.

 

His chores include cleaning the kitchen after most every meal (emptying/loading the dishwasher, wiping down surfaces, putting away food, etc). He is in charge of all of the garbage (kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms, recycling) including changing the bags as necessary and putting out the trash on trash day. He folds and puts away his own laundry. He has a pet rabbit and does all rabbit-related chores.

 

He and his brothers work together on some chores, like cleaning up the dog poop in the yard, cleaning out the van, and wiping down their bathroom when needed.

 

I'm still coming to terms with the attitude issues and not coping well thus far.

[Shawna in Texas]

My 12 yo's responsibilities:

 

Her room and bathroom. Completely, once every week. Shower, toilet, sink, and floor. She does do a daily pick up, but I'm not too strict about it. Every few months I go in to help with a deep clean and organization. She kinda shares a room with the toddler, so she encourages the baby to pick up her toys. Everybody does that job, though.

 

During the day she helps keep the living room picked up whenever I ask. She vacuums a 1/3 (which amounts to a couple times a week) of the time (dh and myself do it, too). It's no set time. It's when I ask. She also helps keep the dining table straightened because it gets loaded up with books/all sorts of random nonsense as the day goes on. If I start dinner before dh gets home, she keeps the baby occupied.

 

She has no kitchen chores. It's my domain. The laundry, dh and I mostly do. She just has to put her clothes away. She does put the clothes into the dryer for me though because I'm only 5' and have the arms of a T. Rex.

 

She feeds the cats and scoops the litter. This is the only thing that she complains about, but not with attitude. I'd complain about it, too.

 

She gets paid her age every two weeks, plus $5 babysitting money (not the normal stuff, if dh and I want to watch a movie, she gets snacks, the potty, and the baby and they play in her room for a few hours).

[Pamela H in Texas]

Our circumstances are a little different due to my illness and disability. My kids have always (like by 5 or 6) done about 1/3 to 1/2 of the chores each. Additionally, I had a stroke when my kids were 11 and 13 so they took over ALL household responsibilities AND my childcare children (4 children ages 0-4) for that summer (by fall, the two foster children went to their father and the one child went to "big school" so we just had the baby).

 

Now, I don't suggest you get chronically ill or have a stroke. However, I do think that there are MAJOR benefits to children having these sorts of responsibilities within the familly. And I think it heads off a lot of problems more typical families have in terms of kids helping out. Your daughter may not LIKE it, but maybe she could "run the show" for a few weeks to gain appreciation for what all it takes and for her few measley chores? It won't be exactly the same as I think my son especially gained a lot from stepping up because of the need, but....

 

As for attitude? My thought about this has always been that we baby our kids too much. Attitude is part of the push and pull as they grow up (and we're fortunate when it's the only real rebelling we get!). She PROBABLY needs more opportunity and responsibility. A LOT of time, we want to make them "prove they are mature enough." But in reality, if we don't let them have the opportunity (AND the responsibilities that go with the opportunity!), they can't "step up."

 

So is she doing enough in the household? Is she working in any capacity? Is she doing volunteer work? Is she negotiating new opportunities (again, with the responsibilities tied to them)?

 

EMBRACE her growing up. Think of attitude as a young woman who is ready to look forward, not her acting as a 4yr old like it sometimes seems. The push and pull of growing up can be directed toward good, not evil :D

[Renee in NC]

My 12yo does this:

 

Cleans his room.

Does his laundry.

Vacuums the livingroom.

Cuts the grass.

 

He also does one extra weekly chore (dusting, mopping, cleaning, etc.) everyday and one outside chore everyday. On Sunday he cleaned the whole house (including mopping) while we were gone as a favor to me. We all live here, so we all do chores to take care of the house.

 

Attitude gets him more work (if that is what he is giving me attitude about.)

[Pongo]

How old are your kids- and what kinds of chores do they have? What is expected of them. Also, what happens if they give you "attitude" about something? I am not used to this attitude (please tell me it does not stay:glare:) We are having a pre-teen moment tonight with my 12 year old. I am new to this- she is normally AMAZINGLY well behaved. So I would like HER to see what is expected of other kids and how other parents handle attitude so she can see that our expectations are not unreasonable. Thanks for your help!

 

My 12 year old dd- Feeds the dog, makes her bed, picks up her room, and puts her clothes away(daily).

Tosses laundry in the dryer when needed, vacuums once a week, dusts once a week, vacuums the pool once a week, unloades the dishwasher daily.Changes all her bed linen weekly (Fridays).

 

My 10 year old ds- Takes out the trash daily, has dog poop duty(daily), brings down recyclables weekly, brushes the dogs teeth twice a week, makes his bed, puts clothes away and picks up his room daily. Empties the dehumidifier daily in the summer, vacuums the pool once a week, vacuums the house once a week and dusts once a week. Changes all her bed linen weekly (Fridays).

 

 

My 8 year old dd- Makes her bed, picks up her room, and puts her clothes away(daily). Feeds her Guinea pig daily and cleans his cage bi-weekly. Brushes the doges teeth twice a week. Takes out the bathroom trash and wipes down the bathroom counter daily and puts all the silverware away (daily). Lastly, she turns on and off the pool filter in the summer.Changes all her bed linen weekly (Fridays).

 

 

We have had the kids start making their beds since they were 4. Everyone just gets up and runs around and does their chores, no mumbling, it's just another daily task to them. Best thing we ever did.

[NanceXToo]

My daughter is 9 1/2. She does not have assigned chores or chore charts, BUT she is expected to help out on an as-needed basis. So at any given moment I might call her over and say, "Hey, I need you to do this please, while I do that," or whatever.

 

The types of things she might be asked to do are:

 

Help empty the dishwasher (especially the silverware, she often does that while I do the stuff that gets put away in higher cabinets)

 

Help set/clear the dinner table.

 

Help bring down dirty clothes to be washed (from the kid's bedrooms/bathroom), and put away her own laundry after I've washed, dried and folded it. Sometimes I might ask her to help out with putting her 4 y/o brother's laundry away, too.

 

Help straighten up toys in the living room.

 

Take out the garbage or recycling.

 

Help carry in groceries from the car after shopping.

 

Clean her own room.

 

And sometimes she will be asked to vacuum the living room, or sweep the kitchen floor. (These are more rare than most of the others but not unheard of).

 

But again it was never really a "You do X, Y, and Z every day," just more of a "it's time to do this now" or "can you help me out with this please" when I see that it's needed or when I decided to start getting involved with cleaning up etc. I find that simpler for me, I guess, than keeping up with and nagging after chore charts.

[SailorMom]

Hello pre-teen!

I have a 12 and 13 yo (both boys). They have all the lovely attitude issues as well that we are working on - but have been doing a full share of work for many years. Here's what they do (sometimes they alternate...)

 

Their own room - all of it

Sweep the whole house (3000 sq ft of hardwood)

Dishes

laundry

cat litter

dog poop

Feed the cat

Feed the dogs

wash and brush the dogs

mow the lawn

weed-eat/edge the lawn

cook some meals

Clean their bathroom (including the toilet and scrubbing the shower)

Clean the patio

Help with the pool chores

Clean our "great room"

 

Sometimes they will also:

Clean the kitchen

Mop

 

If they do all of this without whining, complaining, or needing reminded - they recieve $10 a week.

[Lizzie in Ma]

My dd's, 9 and 14 are expected to make their bed before leaving their room and bring down their laundry if it is their day and get it going. Then other chores are done before they are allowed breakfast.

There are a few more chores they are allowed to do at any point but there is no dinner for them unless they are completed.

put away dishes, catbox, pet's water, clean room, sweep, get mail, do laundry on their day, make bed, tidy main living area before dinner.

 

Older one also has to clean the bathroom weekly in exchange for me buying her guinea pig food.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My kids are still little- 6 and 7- but they are expected to do certain things to keep the house maintained. I have explained to them that everyone living in a house needs to contribute to keep the house clean and running smoothly.

 

When they get a little older, like 12, they will have more chores, but for now they are expected to:

 

Everyday

Throw their clothes down the chute,

pick up their toys and any other mess they have made,

set the table and clear their dishes from the table,

brush teeth and wash face without being told

 

Periodically through the week

Help unload the dishwasher

Help clean the bathrooms

Help clean out the car

Help vacuum and dust

Help wash off kitchen or dining room table

 

One person cannot do all the work that it takes to keep a family going and a house tidy. Everyone must participate. If my kids give me an attitude or whine about chores, they lose screen time.

[TammyinTN]

Hi There...I too have a 12 year old.

 

Here's his daily chore list.

Take shower, get dressed and brush teeth!

Make his bed, tidy his room.

Take the dog out for a walk X 3 daily. Feed dog and fresh water, brush daily.

Empty all trash cans in the house and take trash out daily and recycle daily.

Get the newspaper.

Each meal-put dishes in dishwasher and help clear table.

Help with meal prep if asked.

Write his sisters a daily email at night.

[JennyB]

My kids are 15,13,10,5,2 and 4 weeks. They all have chores that they are required to do daily. We live in a smaller house and they all share rooms. They each are responsible for their own beds and they have their rooms divided that must be cleaned daily. Like I said we live in a small house so besides the bedrooms there is the bathroom, the family room and the kitchen. Each of the older 3 are totally responsible for their area for 1 month. That includeds the daily cleaning and all deep cleaning. I have the deep cleaning divided up by days so they do one "extra" chore a day. (Ex: Clean out fridge, microwave, scrubbing shower etc.) The oldest 3 do all there own laundry and they very graciously will load, switch and bring me the other laundry pretty regularly. We live in the desert so there isn't very much "yard" work but they help with any outside projects that need to be done. We also rotate cooking between the older 3 and myself. So everyone cooks all 3 meals every 4 days. I started this because I loved that my mom taught me to cookI had one night a week that was my night. We tried that but I wanted them to get used to having to plan meals based off of the activity for the night. If we have scouts then you are going to choose something easy to cook and clean. If you want to choose something new and exciting go for it. They help with the grocery lists and looking at the sales for the week to help plan the menus. We also team up on the cookin. The assistant cook helps cook and then is responsible for dishes and the cook assists with the dishes. We don't have a dishwasher and everyone hates washing dishes so it is nice to have the help. We have 2 in diapers now and they all will change diapers as needed. My husband and I both had the flu this weekend and Friday night as I was lying in the bottom of the shower trying not to throw up my 5 yr old started throwing up. My 15yr old son helped clean him up, clean up all the throw up from the floor and then stayed up with the two babies all night so that his dad and I could sleep. My kids are amazing. We decided to start all this because the curriculum that we chose as a family is time intensive so I am homeschooloing one of the children from 6 am until about 3:30 p.m. We do take off an hour for breakfast during that time and an hour for lunch. (Course we do logic during lunch) We all realized that we were a family and we all choose to homeschool and diviying up all the chores was a choice that we made a a family to make it work.

 

Sorry that got really long. They also do not receive any allowance. My husband was unemployed for a while and now has a job but catch up is killer. Anyways my kids are amazing and do tons to help out the family.

 

Good luck.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My 11.5 yr. old god-daughter is staying with us this week, so here are her chores, also:

 

Clean the litterboxes

Practice piano

Take a shower

Sometimes cook dinner

Dust

Sort laundry and put it away

 

That's all she can think of for now, but she might have more. She doesn't get allowance, either. If she complains, she gets in trouble- yelled at by her mom.

[JennyB]

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Edited June 30, 2010 by JennyB
double post

[WistfulRidge]

At my house, growing up, 8 was the magic age at which you were expected to carry a full weight of chores and do them well. You were in charge of cleaning your room (bed, decluttering, picking up clothes/toys daily, with dusting, vacuuming, and wiping down windows and woodwork every other day), helping sort dirty and clean laundry, folding towels, folding/putting away your own clothes and whatever chore was your "rotation" for that week. We rotated weekly between the following:

KITCHEN: completely cleaning it (unloading, loading, handwash, counters, sweeping etc) for dinner, unloading as needed throughout the day, and finishing up after breakfast/lunch (everyone was required to bring their stuff to the sink and rinse off and load at least 5 things, after that you were on your own).

LIVING ROOM: formal, often used as the school room - dust, vacuum, put away any school materials/toys left out. Also in charge of feeding the cats and sweeping/dusting the stairs and tidying up the adjacent formal dining room.

FAMILY ROOM: main living area - pick up toys, books etc several times a day. Dust daily. Vacuum, windows, and woodwork every other day. Also responsible for sweeping, mopping, and dusting the entryway.

DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM: clean, with cleaner, sink, counters, mirror, and toilet. Clean toilet bowl and shower once a week. Scoop litter box daily and take out trash; completely empty and scrub down litterbox once a week.

UPSTAIRS BATHROOM: same as downstairs.

PLAYROOM: put away toys and books, dust, windows, vacuum (all daily) also in charge of vacuuming the upstairs hallways and the Master bedroom.

 

We also were assigned various seasonal tasks that included everything from weeding, mowing, raking leaves, cleaning out the garage, the attack etc... on a daily basis. If we gave mom attitude we had more work (usually getting down on hands and knees and scrubbing woodwork with a cloth and a toothbrush - I hate wiping woodwork! So tedious!). If we protested after that we lost priveleges - anything and everything was game: friends, TV, books, and if we were really bad, things like getting our Driver's Permit, getting to go to the beach with etc.

[Tap]

DD11 has had the same chores since she was 9yo.

 

DD11 is responsible for cleaning her room, very clean, on Sundays. During the week, I am very loose but it has to be clean on Sunday or no playing outside or with friends until it is caught up.

 

Weekly-She vacuums the stair case and the upstairs hallway. If there are items on either of these she puts them home.

 

2-3x weekly-She straightens, dusts and vacuums the living room and the next room (no name). She moves the furniture that she can, rolls up the rug picks up anything else as needed.

 

Daily-She picks up the outside toys, bikes and various other outdoor items at night. This can be quite a bit of items due to dd3.

 

2-3x week-She helps to keep dd3's play area clean, cleans the dining room and vacuums.

 

Weekly-She thoroughly cleans 3 bathrooms including the floors.

 

As needed-She puts her dirty laundry in my room, and puts away her laundry. I do her laundry, because it gets washed with dd3s for the most part and I still like to presoak/watch for stains in her clothes. Not too common anymore but she plays hard and can get grass stains etc.

 

She and her brother trade chores sometimes, and that means that she cleans the kitchen, including the counters/putting away food, sweeping/mopping.

 

 

She helps with nightly dishes.

 

Alternate chores that is sometimes paid to do are washing the table legs, washing walls (dd3 gets them dirty), washing windows, vacuuming my room, cleaning dd3s room, taking the garbage out on garbage day, straightening the pantry, babysitting dd3 (we are home but she watches her for me)....

 

 

We do not pay for chores unless the kids ask for a chance to earn money thus the last list.

[lopezmom]

I'm so glad you asked this question...I am going to pass on the replies to my 10 and 12 year old sons! We were just having this talk this morning.

 

This will probably be their expression...:001_huh:

[elfgivas]

hi there -

 

we have two left at home, ages 10 and 12.

they each have several ways they contribute to the household:

 

we line dry all laundry. the 12 year old hangs it up and brings it in. 2 loads, every day.

 

we have a dishwasher. the 10 year old empties it once a day.

 

they both put all their clean laundry away.

they both bring me all their dirty laundry.

they both do 5 minute room rescues in each room every day.

they both spend 15 minutes a day in their rooms, making their bed and tidying whatever has become messy.

they both feed chickens, dog, cat, turtle, kangaroo rat, fish (2 tanks).

 

they both are responsible for their personal hygiene (hair, nails, shower, etc)

 

and then once a week, we clean the house together, so they do 1/3 of that.

 

about half the time, they make their own breakfast and lunch. sometimes, that's for everyone in the house, sometimes its just for them. about once a week, they each bake for everyone. (last night it was chocolate chip cookies : ).

 

it takes a long time to type, but its not so much really. ritual is everything. we are about to take a good long look at what needs to be done and who will do it, so i'm reading the replies eagerly.

 

good luck!

ann

 

currently, i am giving them a brief respite, so am doing all laundry and dishes myself.

[Parrothead]

I'm considered a mean mom. I do not tolerate attitude. Attitude gets swift and immediate consequences. The consequences for my dd may not be what will work for yours.

 

Chores on the other hand are not something we get too upset over. In our house we have a rule, 'If you see a need, fill it." So the person who sees that the trash needs to be emptied, empties it. The person who has to put his/her dirty clothes on the hamper lid because the hamper is full, starts a load of laundry. We have family tidy up time every evening and we cook/do dishes as a group.

 

The only chore each person is responsible for is making his/her own bed. I suppose you could add putting away his/her clothing from the laundry.

[weaver_67579]

We have a 12yo dd, a 4 yo ds and a 10mo dd. Yes we have tude here too. I don't let her get away with it, but do cut a bit of slack over the hormonal thing-hey I can be witchy too.....Just flat out tude that does not stop when I call attention to it is met with extra chores.

 

12yo dd (My husband calls her Cinderella)

-make bed daily

-pet care for 2 dogs, 2 permanent resident cats and 2 foster cats including feeding, water, some medications, cleaning crates, and litter box care

-helping care for 10 mo sister including diaper duty and entertaining her when I am in the middle of something. She also occasionally has to keep an eye on her brother. This is while DH or I are home, but maybe doing something on the farm. I will occasionally run a quick errand when baby is sleeping and dd is home. My in-laws live across the street.

-she has been doing her own laundry including sheets since she was 10 years old. She washes her blankets and mattress pad monthly

-general daily care of the horse, sheep, chickens and feral cats. This includes feeding, watering, mucking and for the horse grooming. He also is required to really clean the horse shed and chicken house occasionally-when I deem it needs to be done. She also helps Grandma and Grandpa in their commercial chicken houses every now and then.

-home clean up hour mon-Fri including quick (not deep cleaning) whole house dusting, dry swiffering, wet swiffering the kitchen and dog room and picking up. Weekly she wet mops the wood flooring in the house and vacuums the 2 area rugs up in some bedrooms. She is required to clean up her own room daily and if I see it gets too messy (she has a tendency to be kind of sloppy with stuff) I make her really muck it out.

-helps make salads and set up for lunch and supper most days

-at least one big not regular chore once a week year round (such as super cleaning the horse barn, sweeping out the basement, scrubbing the tile floors.....) and in the summer she has 1 hour of such chores daily on school days. We do not do spring cleaning-we do it in the summer.

-I need to start teaching her how to cook more. Other than cooking, she can pretty much take care of the household and farm chores when she has to

 

DS 4

-make bed and personal care daily

-puts his own laundry away. He is also learning how to fold it. When he is 10, he will learn how to do it and it will become his responsibility once he has it mastered.

-collect eggs

-set the table for meals and help clear it off. He is responsible for wiping the table down with a sponge afterward

-he is starting to swiffer in the livingroom

-clean up his room and any toys he has out before he goes to bed. He actually keeps it quite tidy and doesn't always have to be reminded to clean up-it is a habit

 

Kids can do a lot of stuff if people would let/expect them. Both DH and I were raised on farms and had a lot of chores to do from a young age on the farm. Unfortunately, neither of us had to do much of anything in the house and I found that quite a disservice to me when I got to college. I had to teach myself everything from how to cook to how to do laundry. That will not be the case with my children. I want all of them to be able to run a household by the time they leave my home-including cleaning, laundry, cooking and eventually meal planning, shopping and finances.

[Jennifer in MI]

I'll play! Hello 12 yo wrangler! So, I'm curious, what are your current chores?

 

My 12 yo:

 

1. Makes bed.

2. Cleans room.

3. Makes his own breakfast (he doesn't have to - he wants to)

4. Cleans up his dishes.

5. Empty the dishwasher (every third day - all my boys switch)

6. Keep basement clean (this is where their toys are)

7. Mow/edge/whip lawn (this is 1x/week)

8. Weed flower beds/garden (every other day - he shares this with another brother)

9. Vacuum under table where we eat/wipe down tables/countertops

10. Put laundry away.

 

Once/week, we go an thoroughly clean the house. They have about 10 things we rotate:

 

1. VAcuum/mop basement

2. Thoroughly clean bathrooms

3. Wipe down baseboards

4. Clean front porch (getting spider webs off windows and out of corners, windex the glass front door, sweep)

5. Clean back porch (sweep, windex door, get spider webs/cobwebs off the back of the house.

 

I do the deep vacuuming/mopping/dusting of the main living areas because I'm WAY too picky to let them do it yet!!

 

There are a few more. I can't remember them all right now. I have them in a jar and the boys each pick three on Saturday. Also, there are things I may ask them to do - grab the laundry basket for me and put a load in, hang a load of laundry, etc.

[Charles Wallace]

How old are your kids- and what kinds of chores do they have? What is expected of them. Also, what happens if they give you "attitude" about something? I am not used to this attitude (please tell me it does not stay:glare:) We are having a pre-teen moment tonight with my 12 year old. I am new to this- she is normally AMAZINGLY well behaved. So I would like HER to see what is expected of other kids and how other parents handle attitude so she can see that our expectations are not unreasonable. Thanks for your help!

 

Here's the deal in Casa Wallace. DD is 9.

 

*Prepare and clean up after own breakfast/lunch

*Desk must be kept picked up

* Under the bed -- ditto

* Closet -- ditto

* Laundry must be put away

* No piles of crud lying around

* Dirty dishes must be rinsed out

* Food preparation, including cutting/peeling

* Washing/drying of dishes

* All homeschool work must be done before any computer/DVD activity occurs

* Piano

 

If we get "attitude," we give a warning. Further attitude -- which is rare -- results in the immediate, non-negotiable removal of "fun" activities planned later that day or week.

 

Hope that helps.

Edited June 30, 2010 by Charles Wallace

[Charles Wallace]

 

 

Basically, any filthy nasty job that an adult can do, a tween can do better. They are more limber and agile, and less hardened by life.

 

BWAHAHAHAA!!! I loved this. This made my day -- thank you! You almost got a spit take on this one.:D

[dansamy]

Almost 11yo: Laundry - wash, dry, fold, put away. Dishes - Wash, dry, put away. There's no dishwasher here. Trash. Pets - feed, water, walk the dogs & feed, water, clean the guinea pig cage. Responsible for his room in conjunction with his brother. Room inspections are on Saturday. No one is allowed to play outside, swim, watch TV, etc until inspection is passed.

 

Almost 10yo: Same as above. Responsible for her own room subject to the same rules of inspection.

 

8.5yo: Reduced laundry expectation. He only folds/puts away. Not expected to know how to wash dishes.

 

11yo DS and 8.5yo DS can both run the lawnmower. 10yo DD removes debris that would be injurious to the lawnmower. 11yo and 10yo can do light cooking. 8.5yo can microwave a hot pocket or a bowl of oatmeal. If I work the night before, all three feed themselves breakfast and lunch while I sleep. 11yo is designated in charge and is responsible for waking me up for something reaaaaaalllly important.

 

We pay allowance. Attitude gets you doing a chore without the benefit of being paid for your work. Even more attitude after that will lose privileges or earn you "clean the toilet" time. Or any other chore that I don't want to do!

 

Presently, DS8.5 is permanently assigned to folding and putting away everyone's laundry (without pay) because he insists on doing a lazy job of it. Like only half folding something and then stuffing them all in a drawer. Because of this, he is on permanent laundry duty until he has had enough practice that he gets it right. He's not happy about it.

 

The only person allowed to run the vacuum is DH. That's because everyone else, including me, doesn't notice when the beater is too full of hair and the belt is burning. DH is tired of fixing the vacuum cleaner, so the decree was issued that only he is allowed to vacuum. Fine by me. I don't like vacuuming! :D

 

I do have great expectations of my kids and what they can do. It's my goal to raise people who can take care of themselves and their household. DS11 will be taking CPR/Babysitter training in August. After that, he will watch his siblings on his own for 2 mornings a week and his allowance will be significantly increased to reflect that. He very much wants a cell phone. I'm considering allowing him to have one, but he will pay the monthly fee himself.

Edited June 30, 2010 by dansamy

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Well, right now my 5yo: folds towels, sets the table, washes the table after we eat, vacuums, picks up his room and toys, "windexes", and weeds the garden.

 

My 11yo: empties the dishwasher, sets the table, sweeps, vacuums, folds clothes, cleans his room, "windexes", dusts and polishes, weeds the garden.

 

My 16yo: Mows grass, babysits, sets the table, folds clothes, empties and fills dishwasher, cleans his room, vacuums, takes out trash, weeds the garden.

 

Some of these are regularly scheduled, many are just done when I ask them to be done. I might ask them to help out in other ways too. The kids are not paid, except for when the 16yo babysits on special occasions. They could get paid, if they VOLUNTEERED to work. I have a list of things that I will pay for if a child comes to me and asks for work. If I have to ask them, they don't get paid. That is the house rule.

 

Attitude is addressed immediately and the child is asked to reply politely. Refusal means not being allowed to do anything else till compliance in both attitude and action. Works for us.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

How old are your kids- and what kinds of chores do they have? What is expected of them. Also, what happens if they give you "attitude" about something? I am not used to this attitude (please tell me it does not stay:glare:) We are having a pre-teen moment tonight with my 12 year old. I am new to this- she is normally AMAZINGLY well behaved. So I would like HER to see what is expected of other kids and how other parents handle attitude so she can see that our expectations are not unreasonable. Thanks for your help!

 

DD15: Dishes--wash, dry, put away 3days a week, helping with dinner and making dinner at least once a week, keeping room cleaned (sweep, mop, make bed, put away clothes NO clutter in the room, dust), do her laundry, clean cat box

 

DD13: dishes--wash, dry, put away 2days a week, help with dinner, keep room cleaned (same as above), help with laundry, take care of her dog, help with market runs

 

DS 12: dishes--2 days a week, keep backyard cleaned, all garbages, keeping car cleaned, clean room (same), help with market runs, helping with keeping floors cleaned downstairs

 

Then there's the cleaning day once a week where we do our floors and bathrooms, windows, and organizing closets and shelves. We do this every week.

[Teachin'Mine]

Loving it!!! (Me-- not her;)) Keep them coming!!!! BTW, I am realizing I do not have her do enough :D (Did you hear the groan from behind my shoulders?? :D)

 

:lol: This is a GREAT thread!!!! :D

[Melinda S in TX]

We live on a farm and our children have lots of chores. The work has to be done, so we do it. They get allowance, but it is for being a member of the family and not tied to chores.

 

Mainly 15 does milk animals, 12 is the main house chore/babywatcher/helper of whoever needs help, and 10 is the water boy for everything.

 

15yo Milk and feed seven does twice a day by hand. Feed 13 kids dry feed once a day. Give bucks and wether hay. Feed ducks. Let everyone out to pasture in the morning and put them up after milking in the evening. In evening give everyone alfalfa. Hand water raised bed not on watering system. Cook complete meal on alternate Saturdays. Put laundry in dryer as needed.

 

12yo Carry out milk pails, etc for morning milking. Carry milk to the house. Help with milking chores like measuring out feed, getting goats on and off the milk stand. Cook complete meal on alternate Saturdays. Take laundry out of dryer and put on couch as needed. Main laundry folder/put awayer. Get things ready for bed, pick up, roll out trundle bed, turn down covers, change bible tape in cd player, help little girls get ready.

 

10yo Fill water buckets for seven does, thirteen kids, three calves, ten pigs, ducks, geese, quail, dog, cat, two bucks, wether. This means dragging water hoses and walking a ways to turn on and off the water. Feed cat, dog, bucks, wether, quail geese, and pigs. Collect quail eggs. Water 9 raised garden beds (turn on watering system for bed for 15 minutes, turn it off and turn on next bed). Take out main trash. Take scraps to pigs.

 

7yo Dry and put away dishes. Empty small trash cans into main trash can in kitchen.

 

5yo Dry and put away dishes.

 

Everyone makes their own bed, and no one leaves the kitchen until it is clean. 12, 7, and 5 tend to fold/put away more clothes and do more house chores because they have less outside chores. The children each have their own 4x12 garden bed that they weed and pick the veggies from. Everyone helps with the six family beds.

 

15 and 10 spend a large portion of the summer watering things by hand. We have dwarf fruit trees near the house, herb garden, a regular orchard, and a screen of roses and ash trees we are trying to establish.

 

My 12yo is my main baby watcher if I need one. She has lots of allergies and can't get up and close with the animals or be out in the tall grass watering things.

 

Most house chores other than meals and laundry are assigned as needed. I usually just run through the house making a list and issuing assignments. When you're done you come and ask for something else to do.

 

We eat a ton of produce and everything made from scratch so meal prep is a big thing here. Every three days or so we have a major kitchen day where we chop fresh veggies and get things ready for the next few days of meals. Everyone including the 2yo helps with this.

 

Melinda

[~Tara~]

At 12 my boy was responsible for:

 

-making bed

-tidying room

-washing clothes

-washing bedding

 

on rotating basis with other children:

-sweep kitchen floor

-wipe counters/table/chairs *

-vacuum floors

-sweep bathrooms

-clean toilets *

-wipe sinks/counters in bathrooms

-scrub tubs

-take out trash daily and to the curb weekly and clean the dumpster

-mow the yard *

-tend to pet (lizard, feed daily, clean cage weekly) *

-dust living room

-tidy/sweep entryways

-load/unload dishwasher *

-hand wash dishes (when instructed to do so, not a 'regular/scheduled' chore)

-tidy office

-vacuum office *

-dust bookshelves

 

 

I have * what he would have in a typical week.

 

He also cooks breakfast M - F for himself and 5 siblings. And tends to littles when they're all up before me (much needed/appreciated when mom is pg sick!)

 

 

Whenever any of mine have attitude, they are given the 'lecture' about how everyone in the family has jobs. Every job is important. Everyone and every job works together to keep the household running smoothly. Every job and every person is needed and appreciated. blah blah blah

 

And/or if it's just an all around bad attitude/hormonal kind of day...physical labor! THAT's the day he gets to mow. Or if mowing doesn't need done..pull weeds. Clean the garage. Laps and push ups are always GREAT too. Maybe that's just more of a boy thing, but I'd use it on my girl too. My girl's just 6 right now though so I only have experience with boys up to age 13 :p

[RoughCollie]

I have 4 chore lists, which the kids rotate through each week. They have been doing these chores since they were about 10 years old.

 

Taken together, their chores are:

Daily cleaning of bathrooms

Vacuum living room and dining room 3x a week

Vacuum basement weekly, plus 2 staircases

Sweep living room, dining room, and kitchen daily

Take out trash daily

Take out garbage cans weekly

Empty dehumidifiers in basement

Help prepare breakfast, lunch, and dinner

Clean up kitchen after dinner

Haul laundry baskets to and from second floor to basement

Feed/water/walk dog & clean dog bowls

Unload groceries from car and put them away

Daily cleanup of common areas (personal belongings, clutter)

Get mail

Clean and sweep front porch 3x week

Lawn care for a 2 acre lawn (mowing, raking)

Other chores as required (change lightbulbs, wash windows, anything done on a periodic basis or as needed)

 

All told, their chores take each of them 1 hour a day, plus 2-3 hours spent on the lawn each week. I do the deep cleaning, plus vacuum, mop, and clean bathrooms weekly just to be sure it is done properly at least once.

 

I do not count personal care (cleaning their bedrooms and doing their laundry) as chores.

 

My kids all say that they are the only ones who do chores. They read threads like this, and amend that to say that only homeschooled kids who have mean moms do chores, ESPECIALLY during the summer. During the school year, only really cruel moms make their kids do chores because that is the (only) time they must study.

 

So I am a double Mean Mom: my kids do chores and schoolwork during the summer.

 

No one has free time until all of their chores and schoolwork are done, except for cleaning the kitchen after dinner.

Edited July 1, 2010 by RoughCollie

[ChrisN in NY]

I don't consider taking care of one's own things to be chores. They are responsible for their space and their stuff. Some need to be reminded, and by this age, they would lose privileges or activitities/outings to get it done. I have threatened that if they'd like to continue to leave it, I will take care of it for them (and my kiddos know that means most of it would be gone) but I've never had to follow through with that one.

 

 

ALL my kids, from ages 4 on, have three chores daily:

- a meal chores... setting, clearing and cleaning the table, or helping if you're younger.

 

- a kitchen chore... washing the dishes (either breakfast/lunch or dinner) or sweeping the dining room floor. A younger one would only wash the Tupperware glasses at first, an older finishes.

 

- a cleaning chore (except Sunday)... my youngest picks up and vacuums the living room daily, my second youngest sweeps the kitchen daily. They used to switch back and forth, but they asked for this arrangement. Older kids have rotating cleaning chores: bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming the stairs, mopping the kitchen, and so on.

 

If they don't go a good job, they have to do it over. If attitude or effort are a continuing problem, they get more work and/or fewer privileges.

[dansamy]

Reading through these, I'm so glad to see I am not the only "mean mom"!