S/O what is wrong with formality?

[Parrothead]

If you are one of those that prefers the new casualness why do you like it? Is it because you think every one should be comfortable all the time? What if your casualness makes someone else uncomfortable? How do you handle that?

 

I'm not trying to start anything, I'm simply curious about a different mindset.

[Crimson Wife]

From what I've talked to with folks who've grown up in California, formality is seen as equivalent to snobbery. If you don't want me calling you by your first name, it's because you think you're better than me. Casualness means that you think everybody's equal.

 

I don't personally agree with this argument, but it's how I've heard it explained.

[Mejane]

I like formality. I love seeing men in hats and women in gloves, ala Mad Men. I think formality lends itself to better manners in many cases. I know it makes me feel and act differently when I'm doodied up. Comfort is fine, but I personally hate seeing someone out in public in their pajamas and slippers. That's a bit too comfortable for my taste. :glare:

[Rebecca VA]

Formality means boundaries. It sets up walls that other people can't cross without your permission.

 

I personally like formality. It creates a more attractive world (good manners *are* attractive) and encourages others to treat you nicely.

[mrscopterdoc]

I like formality. I love seeing men in hats and women in gloves, ala Mad Men. I think formality lends itself to better manners in many cases. I know it makes me feel and act differently when I'm doodied up. Comfort is fine, but I personally hate seeing someone out in public in their pajamas and slippers. That's a bit too comfortable for my taste. :glare:

 

Formality means boundaries. It sets up walls that other people can't cross without your permission.

 

I personally like formality. It creates a more attractive world (good manners *are* attractive) and encourages others to treat you nicely.

 

I agree. I think when you are required to dress in more than just jeans and flip flops, it does make you act "better", but that does not mean you are better than others. I think there is a place for both.

[Dawn in OH]

I like formality. I love seeing men in hats and women in gloves, ala Mad Men. I think formality lends itself to better manners in many cases. I know it makes me feel and act differently when I'm doodied up. Comfort is fine, but I personally hate seeing someone out in public in their pajamas and slippers. That's a bit too comfortable for my taste. :glare:

 

:iagree:

I want to wear gloves! I hate seeing people in the museums in their pajamas. I've really seen this and I cannot fathom what would posses a person to dress like that out in public.

 

I don't go to church very often, but when I do, I certainly don't appear in shorts or tennis shoes and don't care to see other people dressed that way either. I think that is definitely a place for nicer clothing.

[Parrothead]

From what I've talked to with folks who've grown up in California, formality is seen as equivalent to snobbery. If you don't want me calling you by your first name, it's because you think you're better than me. Casualness means that you think everybody's equal.

 

I don't personally agree with this argument, but it's how I've heard it explained.

I get that you don't agree with the argument. So it this isn't posted to you.

 

Everybody's not equal. The 23-year old woman who calls me Chucki over the phone while trying to sell me a credit card isn't equal to me. Yeah, we may technically be in the same socio-economic level but that doesn't make us equal.

 

Our life experiences make us unequal.

 

I really think in certain areas the whole equality thing has gong a bit too far.

[Parrothead]

Formality means boundaries. It sets up walls that other people can't cross without your permission.

 

I personally like formality. It creates a more attractive world (good manners *are* attractive) and encourages others to treat you nicely.

I see the boundaries as a good thing. Instead of giving all permission to every single person one meets, permission can be given gradually.

[Lara in Colo]

[QUOTE=Parrothead;1804667]I get that you don't agree with the argument. So it this isn't posted to you.

 

Everybody's not equal. The 23-year old woman who calls me Chucki over the phone while trying to sell me a credit card isn't equal to me. Yeah, we may technically be in the same socio-economic level but that doesn't make us equal.

 

Our life experiences make us unequal.

 

I really think in certain areas the whole equality thing has gong a bit too far.

 

 

 

 

I don't think the pp meant YOUR argument, but the one that was being EXPLAINED.

 

Lara

[Parrothead]

:iagree:

I want to wear gloves! I hate seeing people in the museums in their pajamas. I've really seen this and I cannot fathom what would posses a person to dress like that out in public.

 

I don't go to church very often, but when I do, I certainly don't appear in shorts or tennis shoes and don't care to see other people dressed that way either. I think that is definitely a place for nicer clothing.

I like the idea of gloves, personal cards, at home days/time, dressing for dinner or the ballet.

 

I think I'm the only woman who wore a dress to dd's ballet recital. Even the director of the school was dressed down.

[Renee in NC]

I get that you don't agree with the argument. So it this isn't posted to you.

 

Everybody's not equal. The 23-year old woman who calls me Chucki over the phone while trying to sell me a credit card isn't equal to me. Yeah, we may technically be in the same socio-economic level but that doesn't make us equal.

 

Our life experiences make us unequal.

 

I really think in certain areas the whole equality thing has gong a bit too far.

 

Why wouldn't she be equal to you? I don't know what thread you spun off of, but I can't be understanding you correctly.

[Parrothead]

I don't think the pp meant YOUR argument, but the one that was being EXPLAINED.

 

Lara

 

Again, I got that she didn't necessarily feel the way she explained it. You even underlined where I said I understand that it was an explanation not a belief.

[Jenny in Atl]

I like formality. I love seeing men in hats and women in gloves, ala Mad Men. I think formality lends itself to better manners in many cases. I know it makes me feel and act differently when I'm doodied up. Comfort is fine, but I personally hate seeing someone out in public in their pajamas and slippers. That's a bit too comfortable for my taste. :glare:

 

I think there's good and bad to both. Dressing up is fun, but it can also be used to exclude when not needed. I think, in the end, we still put way to much importance on appearance, instead of on behavior/manners. I'm not sold on thinking someone acts nicer or more proper, just because of their dress. I've had to work/deal with a number of very well dress folks, who were also uncouth.

[Parrothead]

Why wouldn't she be equal to you? I don't know what thread you spun off of, but I can't be understanding you correctly.

The Mrs/Mr. Last Namethread preferences. Without a poll up it looked like 3/4 of the poster preferred the casual being called by their first name no matter who was doing the addressing.

 

As for the equal thing -

She wouldn't necessarily be equal to me in life experience. In the same way I'm not equal to her. I did not grow up in the time frame she would have. That in itself sets us apart. All the things that make us different make us unequal. She wouldn't be a peer.

 

Not that we aren't equal as women and deserve same pay for the same job, or if one of us were a different ethnicity than the other.

 

In the same way I would want her to call me Mrs. LastName, I'd expect to call her Miss/Mrs. HerLastName. Sometimes when I can catch the last name when they introduce themselves I do use it.

[littlebug42]

I fall somewhere in the middle. I would not want strangers particularly salespeople on the phone, workmen and basically anyone to who I have not been introduced etc to call me Mrs._____. I don't think it necessary for my children's friends or others in casual settings to call me Mrs ______. Once that introduction has been made though, I no longer see any need for formality. I do know others that feel differently and I respect that. My children will call them what they prefer.

 

As far as the casual pajamas wearing outside the house and flip-flops to the theatre, I find that too casual. You can call me by my first name but please don't do it in your pajamas. I see people at church that look like they just rolled out of bed and maybe bothered to change clothes or worse wearing clothing where their bra straps are hanging out and that level of casual I would rather reserve for in my home with my family. I find it disrespectful of others.

[NanceXToo]

I'm a pretty laid-back, casual, informal type of person. I'm fine with people using my first name, including kids.

 

If it made some kid's parents uncomfortable for them to use my last name, I wouldn't be UPSET if they didn't or anything like that. But I'd never insist on it myself.

[silliness7]

I like addressing people by their surname and do so, even peers. It makes me feel so Jane Austen. :001_smile:

 

I detest wearing pantyhose but I think hats would be fun.

 

One time I wore my pajamas to the corner drug store with my winter coat over. I think I needed something in order to shower/get ready for the day and didn't want to get dressed and then undressed and do it proper like. I was glad it was winter and I could just put on a coat. :001_smile:

 

I think I like formal more than the average bear and I've recently discovered the fun in jewelry. Jewelry always makes me feel more formal. But I really like being comfy too, especially at home. I would not want to "dress" for dinner unless I had a cook. :D

[MamaBearTeacher]

I generally don't like formality. It makes me nervous. I'm afraid I won't remember all the rules and make a faux pas. I need acceptance and informality makes me feel accepted and generally makes me feel closer to people.

 

BUT I love dresses and would love to wear the dresses of a couple of hundred years ago, gloves, parasols. So romantic! Although I dress like everyone else today I think our clothes today are generally ugly and boring.

[Parrothead]

I like addressing people by their surname and do so, even peers. It makes me feel so Jane Austen. :001_smile:

 

I detest wearing pantyhose but I think hats would be fun.

 

One time I wore my pajamas to the corner drug store with my winter coat over. I think I needed something in order to shower/get ready for the day and didn't want to get dressed and then undressed and do it proper like. I was glad it was winter and I could just put on a coat. :001_smile:

 

I think I like formal more than the average bear and I've recently discovered the fun in jewelry. Jewelry always makes me feel more formal. But I really like being comfy too, especially at home. I would not want to "dress" for dinner unless I had a cook. :D

Of course one would need a cook to be able to dress for dinner. Jewelry (real stones or paste) and all.

 

 

You know I read somewhere that one of the main reasons Americans don't have help (housekeeping/cook/butler) is because it was so undemocratic to have it. American housewives could take care of all that on their own.

 

I wonder if we can bring back some level of formality that we can bring back household help as the norm with it. :lol::lol:

 

ETA: Making household help the norm again could help with the high unemployment.

Edited June 18, 2010 by Parrothead

[cathmom]

I once remarked to my aunt (who is 91 now) that nobody ever calls me, "Mrs. Lastname" and I wanted them to because I was excited to be married. The dear lady has since then addressed every envelope to me as Mrs. Firstname Lastname. But she's really the only one.

[Daisy]

I agree with the poster who mentioned that in California formality is often equated with snobbery. I think people in this area sometimes pride themselves on their lack of formality. I imagine it isn't just CA but it does tend to be in the young, hip, city crowd.

 

It bothers me because it often crosses the line into a lack of manners. For example, No one RSVPs around here. No one. They just assume they can show up or not as it pleases them. This isn't just a lack of formality but downright rude, but they don't see it that way, and that is all that matters to them.

 

I see this as an issue of respect. Many people I know don't see the point of using formal introductions, etc. They've been raised that if they can't see the point of something, then they are not going to do it. They believe that respect is earned ahead of time (and only earned by being someone they personally admire) and not granted on the basis of authority, age, etc. I find that troublesome. I was taught that respect is always extended until a person proves unworthy of that respect.

 

And some people don't even know what respect looks like. They'd stare aghast at you for suggesting that answering a cell phone while carrying on a conversation is completely rude & disrespectful. They just wouldn't get it.

 

I apologize for taking this so far beyond just the topic of how one is addressed in public. Obviously someone can use informal speech and still be a respectful person.

[Parrothead]

I once remarked to my aunt (who is 91 now) that nobody ever calls me, "Mrs. Lastname" and I wanted them to because I was excited to be married. The dear lady has since then addressed every envelope to me as Mrs. Firstname Lastname. But she's really the only one.

Wow. That makes me wonder if your aunt, my grandma, my mom and I are the only ones that address letters to people with Mr., Mrs., or Mr. and Mrs.

[Parrothead]

I agree with the poster who mentioned that in California formality is often equated with snobbery. I think people in this area sometimes pride themselves on their lack of formality. I imagine it isn't just CA but it does tend to be in the young, hip, city crowd.

 

It bothers me because it often crosses the line into a lack of manners. For example, No one RSVPs around here. No one. They just assume they can show up or not as it pleases them. This isn't just a lack of formality but downright rude, but they don't see it that way, and that is all that matters to them.

 

I see this as an issue of respect. Many people I know don't see the point of using formal introductions, etc. They've been raised that if they can't see the point of something, then they are not going to do it. They believe that respect is earned ahead of time (and only earned by being someone they personally admire) and not granted on the basis of authority, age, etc. I find that troublesome. I was taught that respect is always extended until a person proves unworthy of that respect.

 

And some people don't even know what respect looks like. They'd stare aghast at you for suggesting that answering a cell phone while carrying on a conversation is completely rude & disrespectful. They just wouldn't get it.

 

I apologize for taking this so far beyond just the topic of how one is addressed in public. Obviously someone can use informal speech and still be a respectful person.

I don't think you are taking the thread too far off topic.

 

It is respect, manners or a combination of both to say, "Excuse me" and step aside to answer a phone? Or even to end a conversation politely. "Excuse me,there is someone I must see." or some such pat reply.

[Mejane]

I think there's good and bad to both. Dressing up is fun, but it can also be used to exclude when not needed. I think, in the end, we still put way to much importance on appearance, instead of on behavior/manners. I'm not sold on thinking someone acts nicer or more proper, just because of their dress. I've had to work/deal with a number of very well dress folks, who were also uncouth.

 

Yup, that's why I said many cases, not all. Some people are slobs and it has nothing to do with their dress. :glare:

[Mejane]

To answer the question with regard to the other thread, I prefer not to be called by my first name by strangers on the phone or waitresses or store clerks. It has nothing to do with being "better" than they; it has to do with creating an intimacy which doesn't exist and with which I'm not comfortable.

[Parrothead]

To answer the question with regard to the other thread, I prefer not to be called by my first name by strangers on the phone or waitresses or store clerks. It has nothing to do with being "better" than they; it has to do with creating an intimacy which doesn't exist and with which I'm not comfortable.

Yes, exactly. That little bit of formality creates a buffer.

 

I don't see the buffer as an "us" against "them" thing. One being better than the other. I see it as a subtle protection against instant intimacy that is expected in our society now.

[Night Elf]

When I think 'formal', I think upper class. And although I know I shouldn't stereotype, I automatically think snooty. If this is about names, I grew up calling neighbors Ms. and Mr. first name. No one I knew was formal in anything. I accept parents that insist their children call me Mrs. Moore, but I really don't like it. It grates on my nerves. And the reverse, if a parent insists on being called Mrs. or Mr. last name, I always ensure my children respect that. I just explain different strokes for different folks.

[FaithManor]

I much prefer formality because with the casualness of society has unfortunately come, too much assumed familiarity. Manners are better when formality is observed.

 

Casualness used to be a privilege that was earned through close relationships developed over a period of time. Acquaintances need only know me as "Mrs. X".

 

If formality were observed, I would not have to field questions about homeschooling in the Walmart check-out or any myriad of inappropriate questions that I have been asked by strangers and mere acquaintances at the grocery store.

 

Faith

[Food4Thought]

I generally don't like formality. It makes me nervous. I'm afraid I won't remember all the rules and make a faux pas. I need acceptance and informality makes me feel accepted and generally makes me feel closer to people.

 

This.

 

If there were some easy way to learn all the rules, then I'd love a more formal society. However, I think it alienates people and makes it easy for us to judge each other based on behavior and education. Whenever I dream of living in Jane Austen, I remember that based on my current social status and income, I would have been one of the peasants who was never allowed in "proper" society.

[annabanana1992]

DD and I recently attended a ballet recital of a friend of hers. We dressed up - I wore a dress and my daughter wore a skirt. When we left, she was upset because we were the only ones who were dressed up. I explained to her that we wanted to convey to her friend that the recital was important to us - that we took the time to dress up as a way of honoring her friend and showing her friend that we thought her recital was a "big deal" worth getting dressed up for. And yes, I still dress for baby showers, bridal showers, museums, and weddings! I grew up in the south, though...

[JoyfulMama]

I wonder if we can bring back some level of formality that we can bring back household help as the norm with it.

 

ETA: Making household help the norm again could help with the high unemployment.

 

See THIS is an argument for formality that I can agree with! :tongue_smilie::lol:

 

I agree with the poster who mentioned that in California formality is often equated with snobbery. I think people in this area sometimes pride themselves on their lack of formality. I imagine it isn't just CA but it does tend to be in the young, hip, city crowd.

 

It bothers me because it often crosses the line into a lack of manners. For example, No one RSVPs around here. No one. They just assume they can show up or not as it pleases them. This isn't just a lack of formality but downright rude, but they don't see it that way, and that is all that matters to them.

 

I see this as an issue of respect. Many people I know don't see the point of using formal introductions, etc. They've been raised that if they can't see the point of something, then they are not going to do it. They believe that respect is earned ahead of time (and only earned by being someone they personally admire) and not granted on the basis of authority, age, etc. I find that troublesome. I was taught that respect is always extended until a person proves unworthy of that respect.

 

And some people don't even know what respect looks like. They'd stare aghast at you for suggesting that answering a cell phone while carrying on a conversation is completely rude & disrespectful. They just wouldn't get it.

 

I apologize for taking this so far beyond just the topic of how one is addressed in public. Obviously someone can use informal speech and still be a respectful person.

I agree with you here - I think there is a very large disregard for respect of others; a feeling that respect must be earned rather than given until unworthy. (And I think that goes far beyond a name.)

 

If formality were observed, I would not have to field questions about homeschooling in the Walmart check-out or any myriad of inappropriate questions that I have been asked by strangers and mere acquaintances at the grocery store.

 

Faith

It seems it is no longer advisable for one to think without speaking those thoughts out loud, and no topic is too personal.

[Mama Anna]

About formal clothes: I suffer from my upbringing. My family of origin has a slight (read that as British understatement) problem with reverse snobbery. I've struggled against being proud of my low estate ever since. :001_smile:

 

I never was able to understand why, in public school, you were expected to wear "nice" clothes. Especially on exam days. I can think so much better if my feet aren't hurting, my waistband isn't too tight, and my hairdo isn't giving me a head-ache. I would usually wear jeans and a T-shirt and hear the "preppy" girls complain in the lunchroom about their discomfort. Then, as an adult, I had a friend who confided in me that I could tell her state of mind by her dress and make-up - the more trouble she'd taken with it, the lower she felt. :001_huh: Really? I didn't get that at all! Her explanation was that it would cheer her up to look nice.

 

I'm slowly beginning to understand better now. It helps that I have 2 dd (probably three, wouldn't you know?) who are very conscious of their appearance and obviously do feel uplifted when they feel pretty. They have such an effect on me - I've worn skirts for the fun of it several times in the past months even when I'm expecting to crawl around on the church nursery floor. :lol: (IOW, it wasn't the "practical" choice.)

 

Other types of formality? Well, I've figured it was a generational thing - older people tend to be more formal than younger people. Being pretty conservative (by which I mean "prefering traditions to not change rapidly"), I don't mind it too much. If I have to address someone I don't know very well, I invariably use the out of Ma'am, Miss, Sir, or just "Excuse me?" because I have such a horrible time with names anyway. The only time I'm bothered by formality is when it gets all mixed up with the cultural differences between North and South and I find myself out of my depth in regards to how close a particular relationship is. In my personal experience, I've felt that Southerners are a little more formal than Northerners or Westerners. I haven't known many people from New England.

 

Mama Anna

[elegantlion]

When I think 'formal', I think upper class. And although I know I shouldn't stereotype, I automatically think snooty. If this is about names, I grew up calling neighbors Ms. and Mr. first name. No one I knew was formal in anything. I accept parents that insist their children call me Mrs. Moore, but I really don't like it. It grates on my nerves. And the reverse, if a parent insists on being called Mrs. or Mr. last name, I always ensure my children respect that. I just explain different strokes for different folks.

 

 

:iagree: Don't call me ma'am. There is still something about being called ma'am that makes me cringe.

 

Unfortunately some of my opinions of formal were formed by my casual family upbringing. We had people who were unwilling to look passed our lack of formality to get to know who we really were. There were subtle and not so subtle attitudes of others being better than us because of it.

 

However, I don't equate general good manners with formality. I believe someone can use my given name informally and come across as a professional.

[JoyfulMama]

Don't call me ma'am. There is still something about being called ma'am that makes me cringe.

 

My dd4 has been calling me ma'am. She can do it anytime, anywhere, as it sounds so adorable coming from her! :D

[DarlaS]

It has nothing to do with being "better" than they; it has to do with creating an intimacy which doesn't exist and with which I'm not comfortable.

 

:iagree:

 

That's a big pet peeve of mine as it's subtly manipulative in this "I'm your friend so you can trust me" kind of way.

[elegantlion]

My dd4 has been calling me ma'am. She can do it anytime, anywhere, as it sounds so adorable coming from her! :D

 

Now that does sound adorable.:D

[TravelingChris]

It was very funny to me that when we moved to Belgium, I felt very much at home. Why? Because the people there are much more formal and waiters don't try to be your best buddy. I appreciate formality.

[3littlekeets]

Two Random Thoughts:

 

1) I have to admit I'm a bit surprised that anyone calling herself Parrothead and using a Margaritaville Avatar would prefer formality :lol:. Having 3littlekeets as my name (referring to my three little Parrotheads-- as a family we have seen over 25 shows!, as an individual 76), I find something quite funny there. Buffett is the king of informality and Parrotheads are the warmest, least formal group of people you'll ever meet. Any Parrothead bar is a place of instant friendship.

 

2) I am all about casual in my public life, but I find it of utmost important in context -- church, opera, doctor's offices, etc. I call my Dr. by her title, and expect to be called Mrs. in return. If she calls me Carol, I will return the first name favor.

If however, my doctor has children on my kids' sports teams, I find it ludicrous for her to use her title OUTSIDE of the given realm for which it is appropriate. She is X in her public life, to me. I have a Ph.D., my kids friends call me by my first name, or Miss X (first name) as is common in South:tongue_smilie:, but never Dr. or Professor. Titles have their places and they should stay there, imho, with few exceptions, such as President, Judge -- things that are "always necessary" to be cognizant of..

 

[treestarfae]

I love to wear dresses and skirts. When I wear dresses daily around my house other wives ask me where I'm going. I'ts cool to dress dumpy now I suppose. I'm so sad at all the horrible outfits I see teen girls wear now including the moms going through mid-life crisis.

[pqr]

Wow. That makes me wonder if your aunt, my grandma, my mom and I are the only ones that address letters to people with Mr., Mrs., or Mr. and Mrs.

 

 

There are a few others who do the same.

[Ritsumei]

It bothers me because it often crosses the line into a lack of manners. For example, No one RSVPs around here. No one. They just assume they can show up or not as it pleases them. This isn't just a lack of formality but downright rude, but they don't see it that way, and that is all that matters to them.

 

I see this as an issue of respect. Many people I know don't see the point of using formal introductions, etc. They've been raised that if they can't see the point of something, then they are not going to do it. They believe that respect is earned ahead of time (and only earned by being someone they personally admire) and not granted on the basis of authority, age, etc. I find that troublesome. I was taught that respect is always extended until a person proves unworthy of that respect.

 

 

I missed the original thread, but my husband and I find that we fall much more in the informal side of things much (though not all of the time). To me, it's definitely a respect issue, but also a relational issue. Comes up most often at church, where the kids & teens are usually expected to address adults as "Brother/Sister Lastname." Those that are in favor of this see this as a sign of respect. I wonder how closely they are watching those kids! What they call you has so little to do with how much respect they offer you! We find that by treating the teens in particular as (junior) peers not only do we get more real respect than when insisting on being called "Sister Lastname," but we end up with closer relationships with the kids, and thus can be in a better position to advise or influence when the need arises -and this even with relatively minimal direct involvement in the youth programs.

 

On the other hand, we both do dress up for performances and the like most of the time, though I am occasionally guilty of not for student performances. Nice clothes, good manners, No Whistling!! Ugh. We went to see Kodo (traditional Japanese drumming) when we were in college, and the audience's behavior was so embarrassing! Whispering in the quiet parts, whistling like a sports event... ugh.

 

Formality has its place, but I'm not convinced that the Mr./Mrs. or the Bro/Sis thing really accomplishes anything at all (beyond putting them "in their place" which I'd rather not do), so I ask for kids to use my first name.

[Dawn in OH]

Wow. That makes me wonder if your aunt, my grandma, my mom and I are the only ones that address letters to people with Mr., Mrs., or Mr. and Mrs.

 

I do that! In fact, even when I address invitations to the kids friends I address them as Miss. (insert name here) and Master (insert name here).

[Dawn in OH]

And yes, I still dress for baby showers, bridal showers, museums, and weddings!

 

So do I.

 

Every summer we go see the local Shakespeare group perform a play outdoors and I make everyone dress for it. Now I'm not talking all dressed up like I would for a wedding, because we will be outdoors and sitting on a blanket on the grass, but my daughter and I wear skirts and a blouse and the boys wear nicer shirts (not their t-shirts) and khaki pants. I wouldn't dream of showing up in shorts and a t-shirt. My husband agrees with me about the proper dress for various events. We are well matched.

[ladydusk]

Wow. That makes me wonder if your aunt, my grandma, my mom and I are the only ones that address letters to people with Mr., Mrs., or Mr. and Mrs.

 

No, my MIL and I do. I think she even uses Master N-boy for my son ... (love that)

 

I've taken to filling out internet snail mail request forms as Mrs. Jason LastName just because I really like that I'm Mrs. Jason LastName and I get mail addressed that way ...

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

People always think my name is Jamie because of my screen name, but I just like the way it sounds to refer to myself as my husband's wife.:001_smile:

 

I teach my children to say Mrs lastname to strangers/teachers and Mrs Firstname to my friends. I see it as differentiating between adults and other kids. I do not think children should treat adults as the same as their friends. We deserve a little respect simply because of "life experiences." I have been where they are, I have done what they are doing, and I know better.

[ladydusk]

And yes, I still dress for baby showers, bridal showers, museums, and weddings!

 

Me too. I try and dress more nicely than usual when I'm going on errands (library, grocery, etc.), too. Not just a tshirt and jeans/shorts and tennies, but a nicer blouse, maybe a jacket or sweater and, if in jeans (the "dress up" ones), nice flats or shoes. Do my hair other than pony tail, maybe even a touch of makeup (though not always). This is something I've been doing the past year or so, and it does make a difference in how I feel about myself and how others react to me.

[LibraryLover]

I respect people who want to be more formal. In many ways, I am a little formal. I would not think about wearing sweat pants in public, not even to the library or market, for one, and my children dress for events. I would not let them wear sneakers to a wedding, say, and I always want them to wear something decent to other events, even if they are high school plays or whatnot.

 

I am not formal in that I like people to stop by and say hi; they don't have to call first, and I like to be called by my first name, although I always say Mrs or Mr first with older folks, and then switch if they ask me to. I do think it's important to RSVP, and I always do. Most people I know do as well. I try to do follow-up phone calls for the ADD stragglers. :)

 

I think many people are mix of both casual and formal.

Edited June 19, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Imprimis]

 

Formality has its place, but I'm not convinced that the Mr./Mrs. or the Bro/Sis thing really accomplishes anything at all (beyond putting them "in their place" which I'd rather not do), so I ask for kids to use my first name.

 

Yes!

 

I am a stickler for good manners. I teach my children (by example and constant reminders ;))to be respectful, helpful, and unobtrusive.

 

If someone wants to be called Mrs.________ or Miss _________, I tell my children to honor her wishes, but, for myself, I prefer my first name.

 

To me, actions speak louder than words.

[Parrothead]

Two Random Thoughts:

 

1) I have to admit I'm a bit surprised that anyone calling herself Parrothead and using a Margaritaville Avatar would prefer formality :lol:. Having 3littlekeets as my name (referring to my three little Parrotheads-- as a family we have seen over 25 shows!, as an individual 76), I find something quite funny there. Buffett is the king of informality and Parrotheads are the warmest, least formal group of people you'll ever meet. Any Parrothead bar is a place of instant friendship.

 

This is true, but only in that context. Honestly if I'm drinking at a bar, I'm everybody's friend. And in my younger years I'd get pretty informal with clothes. Which is why I don't drink in bars much. :lol::lol:

 

ETA: Did your kids learn left from right with Fins?

[Parrothead]

There are a few others who do the same.

Oh, thank goodness!

 

I haven't paid attention to the mail in the past few years since I don't get much personal stuff.