I need advice- about a niece coming for a 2 week visit in July

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

We are having my niece and inlaws visit for 2 weeks in July from Michigan. They will be staying with us. My niece is 15 (will be 16 in August) and she is the most picky eater I have EVER in my life met. Her mom and dad are divorced and they both have catered to it her whole life, continually making her worse and worse. Now she will only eat certain food (VERY limited) certain brands (that we do not buy- some not even available in our town) and certain fast food restaurants (that are over and hours drive away-- we live in a little tiny rural area in Wyoming)

 

 

One thing my dh and I have NEVER done is catered to our kids when they tried being picky eaters. Now, (for the most part) our kids will eat anything- asparagus, brussel sprouts, just about everything. (with the exception of 1- but she will eat the minimal we require without a fuss)

 

So-- how on earth do we handle behavior we do not tolerate our kids to do. (she has actually been known to tantrum- like a little kid- when she doesnt get what she wants :001_huh:) She has been babied her whole life (really bad- and therefore her behavior is MUCH different than what we are used to from our kids)

 

Now the good thing-- its only 2 weeks- and we love her to death and are excited to see her- but I am afraid this is going to be a long 2 weeks due to these "things"

 

So, any suggestions? Advice? Also, any thoughts on what to say to my kids so they dont pick up her behaviors? (other than you know what is acceptable behavior in our family- I do not expect you to act like your cousin?)

Edited June 9, 2010 by wy_kid_wrangler04
fixed spelling

[Tap]

Tell her parents to send a weeks worth of food. If she doesn't like what is on the table she is responsible to make her own meal.

 

I wouldn't do anything other than lightly encourage her to try some new foods. Maybe even ask her to help with meal prep both your meal and hers, so she has a chance to experience food outside of her own limitations. I would not push her in any way.

 

 

ETA: If she starts to throw a tantrum, I would send her to 'her' room and tell her that it isn't going to happen in front of your children. When she calms down she can come out. Period. If she can't respect that simple request, then I would send her home. You will not be able to change her personality in 2 weeks, but you can limit what your children see of it. I would even tell her ahead of time, that if she feels like she needs a 'moment' that that is what you expect her to do. At her age, she should have some basic control over where she spews attitude.

Edited June 9, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Tell her parents to send a weeks worth of food. If she doesn't like what is on the table she is responsible to make her own meal.

 

I wouldn't do anything other than lightly encourage her to try some new foods. Maybe even ask her to help with meal prep both your meal and hers, so she has a chance to experience food outside of her own limitations. I would not push her in any way.

 

 

I had thought about having her help with meal prep- but I know her mom would not send any food and her dad lives in Kentucky (though I dont think he would either:glare:.) There is no way. (her mom- and my brother in law- have- well, problems, to be nice about it- they are probably glad she will be gone for 2 weeks actually) I can already hear her mom if I said that-- "Thats your problem, not mine" I want her to come- my kids are so excited to see their cousin! We are hoping to be a good influence on her!

 

So I am really going to have her help, and I am going to have her help with meal planning (if that is possible-- that part makes me nervous!)

[Jennifer in MI]

I would talk with her parents about it. Let them know that you simply cannot get some of the brands that she insists on eating and could they send some in case she doesn't like what's being offered. I think, depending on your relationship with your niece, you could talk with her too. Tell her about your worries with your children following what she's doing. Then set up some parameters for her behavior regarding mealtime. How and when she can get her own food - after not eating at mealtime.

 

Tough situation.

[Tap]

I had thought about having her help with meal prep- but I know her mom would not send any food and her dad lives in Kentucky (though I dont think he would either:glare:.) There is no way. (her mom- and my brother in law- have- well, problems, to be nice about it- they are probably glad she will be gone for 2 weeks actually) I can already hear her mom if I said that-- "Thats your problem, not mine" I want her to come- my kids are so excited to see their cousin! We are hoping to be a good influence on her!

 

So I am really going to have her help, and I am going to have her help with meal planning (if that is possible-- that part makes me nervous!)

 

How is she going to get there? Can you make a store trip?

 

Otherwise, I would talk to her and find out what she likes that is available or she can bring herself. She can pack Top Ramen, special treats etc in her bag even on an airplane if necessary.

 

I would make a list of some basic things that you think she may like. Pasta with sauce (she may like the pre made plain sauce better than chunky), baked potato, french bread pizza, etc. Then go over the list on the phone and get some more ideas.

 

Even if these aren't your favorite ideas for meals, you may be able to incorporate enough of her favorites into your meals that she will have enough to not starve.

[Starr]

She may want to really consider if she wants to visit you for that long. Is there a food that you are willing to have available for her? I wouldn't let it stop me in choosing what I did as far as the food I cook or where I went to eat. She can have the toast and peanut butter or whatever at home. I would let her know up front that you love her and that you don't respond to tantrums at your house. If she's coming she must want to spend time with you. What does she think is going to happen about food? Food is about so much more than food. I hope it works out.

[jplain]

Ask your neice what her favorite foods are. Pasta? Eggs? Sandwiches? Canned soup? Assuming she'll accept your local store brands, have those on hand. If she starts asking for brands you can't (or don't want to) get, just tell her those aren't available. If she knows that, she might become more flexible.

 

Beyond that, I'd let her parent(s) know that she's more than welcome to eat what your family is having, but that you won't be planning special meals for her. If she's likely to refuse the food you prepare, her parents should plan to send non-perishable snack food along with her. (Edited to add: I have a child who can't eat wheat, dairy, or soy. When we travel I always carry rice cakes, sunbutter, jam, dried fruit, Lara bars, Enjoy Life sunbutter bars, applesauce cups, baby carrots, apples, and turkey jerky. Not the healthiest selection, but she's never gone hungry.)

 

During the visit, I'd let her know ahead of mealtime what is going to be served, so she can plan to make a different (simple) meal for herself if necessary. If a problematic comment about food is made, I'd take her aside privately. I'd tell her that while no one is going to make her eat anything she doesn't want to eat, she needs to keep all negative comments about food to herself. I'd allow her to get up and make a sandwich or other simple meal for herself, as long as she was able to do so without disrupting the meal.

 

Good luck! Try to be relaxed about it, and hopefully everyone else will follow your lead.

Edited June 9, 2010 by jplain

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

I would talk with her parents about it. Let them know that you simply cannot get some of the brands that she insists on eating and could they send some in case she doesn't like what's being offered. I think, depending on your relationship with your niece, you could talk with her too. Tell her about your worries with your children following what she's doing. Then set up some parameters for her behavior regarding mealtime. How and when she can get her own food - after not eating at mealtime.

 

Tough situation.

 

We are as close as we can be living so far away. She really looks up to us- (she has a VERY unstable family life) so I am hoping that will help

 

How is she going to get there? Can you make a store trip?

 

Otherwise, I would talk to her and find out what she likes that is available or she can bring herself. She can pack Top Ramen, special treats etc in her bag even on an airplane if necessary.

 

I would make a list of some basic things that you think she may like. Pasta with sauce (she may like the pre made plain sauce better than chunky), baked potato, french bread pizza, etc. Then go over the list on the phone and get some more ideas.

 

Even if these aren't your favorite ideas for meals, you may be able to incorporate enough of her favorites into your meals that she will have enough to not starve.

 

My mother in law and father in law are taking her. They are driving. We are considering going to the city an hour and a half away that they will go through to get here and go shopping with her- but I am afraid she will throw one of her tantrums if we dont get everything she wants. But I think I will talk to her and make a list (small) like you suggested, in turn for her to try things with us also. I really am hoping to get her to open up a little- certainly not forcing or anything though! I want an awesome visit!:D We have alot of fun stuff planned!

 

She may want to really consider if she wants to visit you for that long. Is there a food that you are willing to have available for her? I wouldn't let it stop me in choosing what I did as far as the food I cook or where I went to eat. She can have the toast and peanut butter or whatever at home. I would let her know up front that you love her and that you don't respond to tantrums at your house. If she's coming she must want to spend time with you. What does she think is going to happen about food? Food is about so much more than food. I hope it works out.

 

 

She actually sent me 6 texts total with all the stuff she doesnt eat, as a reminder so I was prepared :glare:

 

So I am going to talk with my mother in law because she has her over to her house every other weekend. My mother in law says just cook normally and dont worry about it, but, that will NOT make for a fun visit and I want her to feel welcome, but without bending over backwards doing backflips- KWIM

[Pippen]

Ask your neice what her favorite foods are. Pasta? Eggs? Sandwiches? Canned soup? Assuming she'll accept your local store brands, have those on hand. If she starts asking for brands you can't (or don't want to) get, just tell her those aren't available. If she knows that, she might become more flexible.

 

Beyond that, I'd let her parent(s) know that she's more than welcome to eat what your family is having, but that you won't be planning special meals for her. If she's likely to refuse the food you prepare, her parents should plan to send non-perishable snack food along with her.

 

During the visit, I'd let her know ahead of mealtime what is going to be served, so she can plan to make a different (simple) meal for herself if necessary. If a problematic comment about food is made, I'd take her aside privately. I'd tell her that while no one is going to make her eat anything she doesn't want to eat, she needs to keep all negative comments about food to herself. I'd allow her to get up and make a sandwich or other simple meal for herself, as long as she was able to do so without disrupting the meal.

 

Good luck! Try to be relaxed about it, and hopefully everyone else will follow your lead.

 

:iagree: This is the same approach I would take. I'd provide a few reasonable options and not stress over it since it's only a few weeks.

[Impish]

I'd do what I normally do, and let her choose her behaviour. If you can work in a few preferences, then do so, but I wouldn't make myself nuts over it.

 

Since she looks up to you guys, she may be more flexible, or better behaved when she discovers that the crap she pulls on her parents doesn't fly with you guys.

 

Honestly, WHAT were her parents thinking? Not to mention that if she thinks her parents are 'glad to be rid of her' for 2 wks, she's probably more than a little wounded.

[Cera]

Honestly, I would just let her know that you don't cater to specific requests and will try to have x, y and z available (maybe a cereal she likes, some apples and milk). Beyond that she can eat what you serve or not, at 16 she is big enough to suck it up for 2 weeks and she might even learn to try new things.

[3lilreds in NC]

Would the grandparents be willing to bring her any food? That would help a lot.

 

Otherwise - she's 16. She's old enough to act in a fairly mature manner if everything is not her way. She won't starve. Don't let the entire visit be about food. It sounds like you have lots planned, so she will hopefully be busy and distracted. She has to grow up sometime.

[StephanieZ]

I would ask the grandparents to make a stop by the girl's local grocery before heading out of town. . . and give her a budget of, say, $50-100 to spend on whatever generally nutritious and shelf-stable items she likes.

 

Then, when she arrives, I'd take her with me to the grocery and do it again, buying any fruit, veggies, dairy, etc that she will eat. . . and some freezer convenience items as needed.

 

I'd let her know that she's welcome to eat whatever y'all are having for meals. . . or to fix herself something else. . .

 

I'd let my own kids know that she is a guest and so "family rules" do not apply. . . and the "guest rule" of making her welcome and comfortable DOES apply. . . and that includes no commentary from *anyone* about what she does or doesn't eat!

 

If I could predict things she liked that my family would eat, I would make an effort to include those things in most meals. . . I.e., if she'll eat raw carrots or apples or other fresh stuff, then a dish of raw veggies and/or fruit at every meal is great for everyone. I'd err towards having 5 or 6 dishes instead of 3. . . aiming to have one or two family items that she might eat.

 

Then, I'd not worry about her eating except to ask her if she needs/wants anything when you are going to the store. . . I'd avert my eyes from her sad meals and just let it go.

 

You can't fix this in 2 weeks w/ a 16 yo. The best you can do is not make an issue of it and have a nice visit.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Honestly, WHAT were her parents thinking? Not to mention that if she thinks her parents are 'glad to be rid of her' for 2 wks, she's probably more than a little wounded.

 

 

 

I would love to know that also! She is not close to her parents at all. I actually wonder if the way she is treated by her parents is what has made this get so bad. Looking for attention. I don't know.

 

My husband had talked to his brother once (her dad) and he basically told my dh that it was none of his buisness how he raised his daughter when it was his turn to have her. :001_huh:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

She has to grow up sometime.

 

 

I could not have said that better myself!!!!!! In more ways than 1!

[MamaT]

Would the grandparents be willing to bring her any food? That would help a lot.

 

Otherwise - she's 16. She's old enough to act in a fairly mature manner if everything is not her way. She won't starve. Don't let the entire visit be about food. It sounds like you have lots planned, so she will hopefully be busy and distracted. She has to grow up sometime.

 

:iagree: She is too old to throw temper tantrums, and I would let her know up front that kind of behavior would not be tolerated in my home. When you are away from home, you have to learn to go with the flow and not be rude to the people who are trying to feed you.

 

My 13yo dd has a friend like this. She went on a weekend trip with us and informed us when we stopped for lunch that "she doesn't eat fast food." We let her know quickly that we had five kids to feed for a weekend, not much time to eat (running back and forth at a gymnastics meet) and she better find something on the menu to eat.

 

She was here just this past weekend and informed my dd at breakfast, while we were all in a hurry to get ready for church, that she "doesn't eat cereal." I find that extremely rude in a child old enough to know better.

[Carrie12345]

 

So I am going to talk with my mother in law because she has her over to her house every other weekend. My mother in law says just cook normally and dont worry about it, but, that will NOT make for a fun visit and I want her to feel welcome, but without bending over backwards doing backflips- KWIM

 

Based on that, I'd cook normally and not worry about it. MIL obviously spends a lot of time with her and knows what to expect.

 

I mean, I wouldn't intentionally put a bunch of peppers in something if she says she doesn't eat peppers, but I wouldn't make a completely new menu for the rest of the family, either. Temporary compromise.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I haven't read all the responses, but my husband is an extremely picky eater, and was catered to by his mother his whole life, too, so I can sympathize. That said, I sometimes attempt to make meals he will eat, but most of the time, if he doesn't like what I'm making, he's on his own to figure out what to eat. I don't have the patience to deal with the extreme limitations of his diet.

 

Since your niece is only coming for 2 weeks, it's probably not a battle worth fighting. When she first arrives, I would take her to the grocery store with you, and tell her that you know she has some eating preferences and make her responsible for picking out what she will eat for the two weeks at your house.

[Pink Fairy]

I would let her know right now the types of meals you will be serving, due to local unavailability of "acceptable" foods, and let her decide if she still wants to come. And also that temper tantrums don't work for you, so she needs to leave that at home and act her age at your house.

 

Naturally, communicate this a kinder, gentler way. :001_smile:

 

It's terribly sad when parents set their kids up for failure by catering to unreasonable whims. :mad: Poor girl.

[Teachin'Mine]

I would ask the grandparents to make a stop by the girl's local grocery before heading out of town. . . and give her a budget of, say, $50-100 to spend on whatever generally nutritious and shelf-stable items she likes.

 

Then, when she arrives, I'd take her with me to the grocery and do it again, buying any fruit, veggies, dairy, etc that she will eat. . . and some freezer convenience items as needed.

 

I'd let her know that she's welcome to eat whatever y'all are having for meals. . . or to fix herself something else. . .

 

I'd let my own kids know that she is a guest and so "family rules" do not apply. . . and the "guest rule" of making her welcome and comfortable DOES apply. . . and that includes no commentary from *anyone* about what she does or doesn't eat!

 

If I could predict things she liked that my family would eat, I would make an effort to include those things in most meals. . . I.e., if she'll eat raw carrots or apples or other fresh stuff, then a dish of raw veggies and/or fruit at every meal is great for everyone. I'd err towards having 5 or 6 dishes instead of 3. . . aiming to have one or two family items that she might eat.

 

Then, I'd not worry about her eating except to ask her if she needs/wants anything when you are going to the store. . . I'd avert my eyes from her sad meals and just let it go.

 

You can't fix this in 2 weeks w/ a 16 yo. The best you can do is not make an issue of it and have a nice visit.

 

 

:iagree: But I would just try to include one thing she likes in my usual meal and wouldn't be making five or six things at each meal as that would be over the top for me. It's two weeks, and she won't starve. She may even end up trying some new things if she sees there's no control issue involved with what she eats. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Perhaps she needs to think of this like visiting a foreign country;) - many familiar foods will not be available, it will be an adventure but she might have to pack some of them to bring herself if she can't get along without them.

[simka2]

I haven't read all the responses, but my husband is an extremely picky eater, and was catered to by his mother his whole life, too, so I can sympathize. That said, I sometimes attempt to make meals he will eat, but most of the time, if he doesn't like what I'm making, he's on his own to figure out what to eat. I don't have the patience to deal with the extreme limitations of his diet.

 

Since your niece is only coming for 2 weeks, it's probably not a battle worth fighting. When she first arrives, I would take her to the grocery store with you, and tell her that you know she has some eating preferences and make her responsible for picking out what she will eat for the two weeks at your house.

 

My dh tried to be a picky eater when we first married, but he couldn't cook hamburger helper to save his life!!!!!! Now he tells me how grateful he is that he married me :)

 

Sorry to hijack, but I thought it was funny ;)

 

As for your niece...I would coordinate with grandparents for her to have some "go to" foods if she needs them. Other than that you have some great advice!!! Lasso her in to help, and have a quiet place for her to escape to when she needs to regroup herself emotionally and proccess the differences in family dynamics.

 

I would make sure she understands that other than those special food items...she will be on her own if she doesn't like what you guys have made :)

 

If she gets hungry enough she will eat!

[SapphireStitch]

You know, I think I'd be tempted to do a "Bread and Jam for Frances" approach with this child. Stock up on two or three things she likes, serve them to her at every meal, while the rest of you eat yummy things she claims to not like. :)

[Melinda in VT]

I am currently the parent of three flexible eaters and one absolutely horribly picky eater. He's only four now, but he's not getting better as he ages. So I speak from that perspective.

 

I would not cater to tantrums. If she's throwing a tantrum (at 15!), she should go to bed for the night because she is clearly overtired.

 

I would also not try to adapt your meals to her pickiness. If some of your regular meals are foods she likes, I'd make a point of serving them while she is here. Otherwise, try to find a couple of "safe" foods and have them on hand so she can eat that instead of your dinner. (My son, for example, eats peanut butter sandwiches or Greek yogurt when he doesn't like dinner, which is most of the time.)

 

She can make her own sandwich if she doesn't want to eat what everyone else is eating.

 

I wouldn't go wild trying to find her specific brands. Maybe let the grandparents know which foods you can't get in your town and they can pick up what's most important and bring it down in a cooler?

 

As for your other kids, you can probably get away with a lot by saying she's a guest.

[2cents]

Oh my! 16 is more than old enough to know better than to throw a tantrum or act ungrateful. That simply wouldn't fly in my house. At her age she also needs to get used to being flexible and trying new things. Not everyone is going to cater to her like a baby. Her parents have done her a disservice by allowing this behavior. You might have a rough 2 weeks but you would be doing her a favor by giving her a boot camp experience in stepping outside her comfort zone....and requiring her to be polite about it too. Be very cautious about giving her special consideration that you don't give to your children because it can lead to resentments. My advice: Treat her like one of your own and hold her to the same behavior expectations as well.

[Orthodox6]

BTDT. Never shall GTDT again ! If I did not have such clear and dreadful experience with this kind of a niece, I never would dare to voice my opinion to you so bluntly.

 

Do not host this child. Do not even dream for a millisecond that she will cooperate with your family's ways, or even consider behaving properly. Do not "enable" her by buckling under to the situation perpetuated by her parents. Do not subject your family to this.

 

You will have a nightmarish two weeks should she visit. Memorable experience, that is for sure ! -- but all of it negative memories.

 

The last time that we went through this (this past spring), even though the weak-willed parents gave us permission to proceed in whatever manner we felt appropriate, the child became a basket case within 36 hours. Her father had to drive five hours, taking time off from work, to retrieve her because she refused to stay with us any longer. I love the child, but her disrespectful behaviour to me (her aunt) and her uncle was way out-of-bounds.

 

The food issues are, as one easily might deduce, just part of greater and deeper psychological issues. My niece recently entered therapy in a late-date attempt by the parents to discover what really is has been going on all these years.

 

I have so much empathy for you with this threatened visit: You cannot conceive of how much !

[Barry Goldwater]

Scanned fast, sorry if repeated, but can you talk directly to the child, and appropriately set her expectations w/o dwelling too much, e.g. "by the way, if there's any special food you want, bring it with you." At 16, she ought to be able to make her own meals anyway, if needed.

 

Agree with other posters, try not to make it all about food...good luck, hope it's fun.

[Orthodox6]

If she gets hungry enough she will eat!

 

No, she won't. I used to believe that theory. Reality cured me. It is all about power. Starvation is preferable to "losing" a struggle.

Edited June 9, 2010 by Orthodox6

[susankenny]

Well, I feel differently than most here. When my 10 year old niece visits every summer for a week, I do try to have things in the house I know she'll enjoy (she's also quite picky). She's our guest though & I want her to feel comfortable and buying things I know she'll enjoy is such a small thing to do for 1 week out of the year. I do this with anyone that visits & try to have things on hand (i.e. my mother drinks diet coke and uses french vanilla, my grandmother hates any kind of italian food, etc). Now, if your niece is somehow ungrateful and rude, that is different than just being a picky eater imho.

 

Susan

[MelanieM]

I would make whatever meals my family likes and always include at least 1-2 items that would be suitable for our guest. I would also try to have a favourite on standby that the guest could fix for themselves if that was preferable. I *do* think that as a guest, it would be rude to not at least try what your host has made for you (unless there's an allergy, food intolerance, meat for a vegetarian, etc.), but my concern would be with my own behaviour and ensuring that I treat my guests well, not with attempting to own how my guests behave.

 

If a guest threw a tantrum I would ask them to leave (the room or house, depending on the guest and the circumstances) if they couldn't behave appropriately. (I'm thinking of this young lady in adult terms... my expectations of a child would be different, but she's not a child.) But I wonder if this is simply something that she does for attention with her parents, poor child, in which case it's not likely to be an issue for you all during this visit. I would assume the best and just count on it not being a problem.

 

Have a fun visit with your niece! I'm sure she'll have a lovely time with her cousins, and I look forward to hearing about how easy it all was! :D

[Orthodox6]

Coming back with a "P.S." regarding our family's experience with this.

 

I am an excellent cook, with a repertoire that accommodates any kind of cuisine, preferences, and/or restrictions. I included some foods and dishes that I knew quite well were on our niece's very short list of "accepted foods". Dh and I adopted a very friendly "This is what we have, and we hope you will enjoy it" attitude, and allowed our niece the freedom to choose hunger. We knew in advance that it was a power play on her part, to be "the boss". Nonetheless, we were hurt by her antics and selfish disdain for other people. She had come up spend the week with us during her school's spring break, and to attend our dd's birthday party. She did not care enough for her allegedly beloved cousin even to stay and attend the birthday party.

[momofkhm]

So I am going to talk with my mother in law because she has her over to her house every other weekend. My mother in law says just cook normally and dont worry about it, but, that will NOT make for a fun visit and I want her to feel welcome, but without bending over backwards doing backflips- KWIM

 

I would follow this, really. If she is at MIL house a lot, MIL knows. I would fix what you usually fix. If it's a problem after a day or two, take her to the local grocery and pick some stuff out for her. But 16 is well old enough to know better than to throw a tantrum over food.

[Rosie_0801]

I wouldn't host someone like that either. Allergies I can deal with, preferences for healthier food than I might usually cook I can deal with in advance. Picky eaters requiring junk, no way!

 

However, if I did encounter that behaviour, I'd raise my eyebrows, laugh and say "good luck to you if that works on other people, but don't give me crap like that!"

 

Rosie

[Parrothead]

 

So I am going to talk with my mother in law because she has her over to her house every other weekend. My mother in law says just cook normally and dont worry about it, but, that will NOT make for a fun visit and I want her to feel welcome, but without bending over backwards doing backflips- KWIM

Do what MIL says. If MIL isnt' catering to niece's "demands" then you shouldn't either.

 

The 6 pages of text might just be a ploy to get you to behave the way her parents behave.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

However, if I did encounter that behaviour, I'd raise my eyebrows, laugh and say "good luck to you if that works on other people, but don't give me crap like that!"

 

Rosie

 

 

:D

[LibraryLover]

She is 16 and she would have such tantrums in front of you and your little kids? I have never known an older child to act like this way away from home! (Everyone breaks down now and again). That almost seems dangerous. I don't think I would host her at all. If she will have such tantrums over food, what other inappropriate and volatile things might she do? I would find this far more serious than simply saying "No thank you" to vegetables.

Edited June 9, 2010 by LibraryLover

[NanceXToo]

Without reading the other replies, I would not try to force her to eat anything she didn't want to eat, and i wouldn't punish her for not eating it.

 

I would let her choose her own breakfast and lunch from what you have available. I'd let her select a couple of snacks to keep in the house that she enjoys. And I'd go about making whatever I was going to make for dinner, but I would attempt to make sure in planning my menus that it was going to be something she liked/could tolerate. If it truly got ridiculous, like she didn't want anything you were making for dinner, I'd tell her (calmly/casually) she could eat what you were making or she could prepare X, Y, or Z for herself, and I'd leave it at that.

[IsabelC]

Well, seeing as she is almost an adult, I would simply talk about my concerns to this young woman. Explain that you are delighted to have her, you want her to enjoy her stay and will take reasonable measures to accommodate her preferences. However, you have these concerns about certain issues and you you want your kids to pick up positive things, not unhelpful things, from her. Ask her to help you figure out a plan that she can agree to and that will also be acceptable to you.

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Do what MIL says. If MIL isnt' catering to niece's "demands" then you shouldn't either.

 

The 6 pages of text might just be a ploy to get you to behave the way her parents behave.

 

 

My MIL does- but I dont know how much. She keeps telling me she does it to keep the peace :001_huh: I dont know-- I am just the aunt who lives a long ways away :lol:

[Hathersage]

Maybe she doesn't like her parents cooking? I know some people would rather just say they don't like something. It probably isn't what is going on with her.

 

I read that with little kids you have introduce foods you have to have repeated exposure to those foods before they'll eat it. I'm guessing that never happened with her.

 

Can you have her help with preparing the food? Sometimes that helps. And she could learn more about how to prepare her own food in the future.

 

Heather