Name Change for a 15yo? Would you?

[Pamela H in Texas]

For those following our other saga, we're waiting for a doc appt.

 

In the meantime, here is our situation.

 

My 15yo ds has some minor issues (didn't seem minor as a child but have become much less problematic than the prognosis suggested). One of those issues is a fairly pronounced speech impediment. He can't say ending r sounds (car, Tyler, etc).

 

He is frustrated that when he introduces himself, people just can't understand him. I don't blame him. People usually are very apologetic, but it really is an issue that he just can't say it.

 

So what about changing his name?

 

He's considering:

 

John (legally, we'd have it Johnathan/Johnathon) is his "off the top of his head" choice.

Ben (legally, we'd have it Benjamin)

Jason (I'm not so sure, but...)

 

We are considering looking through a book of names for others. Tyler would likely be his middle name, but he may end up with something completely different or even with two middle names in order to keep the one he has as well as the Tyler. We're just not sure.

 

But before we put in real time and effort into this, what do y'all think? Is this doable? Is it reasonable? Are we not considering something pretty major?

 

I kinda think that because we've JUST gotten here, we can easily just start using a new name. We're not close with MOST family so that isn't so much an issue. My mom would probably handle it BETTER if we used Benjamin (it's been a big deal for years). Legally, I'm less sure. Would we do it locally or through Texas (we've lived near Dallas for years, but he was born in Houston)?

[Chris in VA]

I would hesitate, but only because I think it's such a strong part of my identity. Is there a middle name he could go by instead?

And, are you getting speech therapy for him? Because it can be remediated, but may take a long time, now that he's older.

I had trouble with my r's, too.

[elfgivas]

hi -

 

poor guy. could he get his head around introducing himself at Ty?

or

 

perhaps there is another nickname he would like, "Chip" for example?

these wouldn't necessitate legal changes or ruffling feathers. has he read the chip hilton books? many people choose to be known by their nicknames other than in the legal sense.

 

or

 

maybe he wants to choose one of the names and ask folks to call him by his new "nickname".... and then after a year or two he can decide whether he wishes to make it permanent or not?

 

fwiw, i reckon that its up to him to choose what he would like, and the rest of the world to deal with it. ie. i wouldn't choose a name just because your mom would take it better.... there is self-image stuff that is way more important.

 

good luck!

ann

[BeckyFL]

Just an opinion.... I think it's important to be able to introduce yourself with confidence. Not only are first impressions created quickly but your ds will just feel more confident and that is worth some hassle imo. Normally, I don't like name changes, but in this case if the speech problem is permanent, I would really consider it.

[Lolly]

I have a cousin who changed his name from Anthony (Tony) to Robert as an older teen. I don't think it has caused him any problems. He's in his 50's now and is still occasionally called Tony by older family members. I think I would do it as soon as possible if I expected that he would not be able to overcome his speech problem. It would be horrid as an adult to not be able to pronounce your own name!

[homeschoolally]

Just an opinion.... I think it's important to be able to introduce yourself with confidence. Not only are first impressions created quickly but your ds will just feel more confident and that is worth some hassle imo. Normally, I don't like name changes, but in this case if the speech problem is permanent, I would really consider it.

:iagree: :iagree::iagree:

[Perry]

Do you really have to change it legally? He can call himself anything he wants, and pretend it's a nickname. I was called a a different name than my legal name until I met my dh. He preferred my legal name, so I started going by that. After a few years, when I had just got used to it, he started calling me my "nickname" again. Now people don't know what to call me, because we use both. :)

 

But it was never a problem legally.

 

Anyway, if he wants to be known as John, he can just start calling himself that.

[hornblower]

I don't think it's a big deal & I've known people who have changed names.

I would just have him start using a different name & don't worry about the legalities for now.

 

I know a fair # of people who go by essentially a nickname or totally strange name (like guys whose name is John Howard Smith but are always called "Buck" Smith. Or Thomas Arnold Johnson, known as "Ted" Johnson.)

 

On formal documents, you put in the real given name & then the nickname in quotes right behind it. In informal settings, you just introduce yourself as Buck or whatever. And for classes etc, just say Buck & don't even bother putting in the 'real' name.

 

Also consider initials. If he's Tyler John he could be TJ for example.

 

But if there's a name you want to use, just go ahead and start using it. The legalities can be worked out later if he decides to stick with it. He could decide to add the nickname to his legal name for ex rather than changing them.

 

BTW, in Canada you can use any name you want if you're not using the alias to defraud or to commit any other crime....

[Jan in SC]

Does he not like Ty? I think that's a great name. I agree with Chris in VA- is he in speech therapy?

[Pamela H in Texas]

He was in speech therapy. He has a few issues we couldn't remediate. It MAY be possible with ENOUGH time and effort; but he is not willing to even try to THAT degree, especially for a maybe, even a strong maybe.

 

*I* call him Ty but he's not interested in it for a name.

 

I really appreciate y'all's opinions. I like the idea of using it for awhile before changing it though.

 

Please keep sharing though. The more we have to consider before making a choice, the better!

[Jan in SC]

Just so you know, a legal name change will cost between $1500 and $2000 in my area.

[Jann in TX]

It would be best to change it BEFORE he gets a driver's license or other more official ID...changing it on the SSN card is not that big of a deal--bring in original birthcertificate and official change of name papers--just like when you changed your name due to marriage (if you did!).

 

My husband has step sisters who changed their last name in high school to the same as their step-dad's (my FIL). It was much easier for the younger one who was 14-15 at the time... the older ones had more paperwork...

 

My DH does not go by his first name--never has and never will--it is almost impossible for ANYONE to pronounce correctly as it is a 'creative--made up' name (his parents always regretted it). DH does not go by his middle name either (a more feminine name that was the same as his older sister's best girl friend!). DH goes by a 'nickname'--the first few letters of his middle name.

 

Because DH's signature is NOT his 'real' name it has caused issues. There are only 2-3 documents with his 'real' name--his SSN has his first initial and his nick name!

 

DH wishes he would have just changed his name when we got married (men can do it just as easily as women--no extra charge in most states). He is to cheap to do it now...

 

---

I'd start by calling your son HIS desired new name for a few weeks--if he likes it and identifies with it then go ahead and officially change it. Under your son's special circumstances I would not hesitate---he won't be loosing his identity if he cannot declare it (introduce himself)...

[hornblower]

Because DH's signature is NOT his 'real' name it has caused issues.

 

Really? I've never heard of that possibility.

My father's siggy is so stylized you really can't read it at all. Mine you can just barely make out if you know what the letters are supposed to be. It would be pretty hard for anyone to make out whether it's my 'real' name or not....On my father's it's literally impossible.

[StephanieZ]

My understanding is that you can "change your name" to anything you wish w/o doing it legally (Social Security) so long as you are not changing it for a fraudulent purpose.

 

So, I'd think of going ahead and letting him "change his name" as soon as he wishes. . . Use it everywhere. (Just be careful of doctor's records to make sure the insurance doesn't get goofed up!)

 

. . .and then wait at least one year before doing it legally. If, after a year or so of using it, he wants to keep the new name, then do the paperwork.

 

FWIW, I love "Ty" as well. Very cool.

 

A friend didn't change her name immediately when she got married and learned that she'd have to go through the official name change process (instead of the nominal-fee, really easy name change process when you get married) to change it now that it had been over a year. . . I think she said it was now maybe $200-$400 and it wasn't worth that to her at this moment. . . So, there is some significant cost associated with a name change.

 

A friend allowed her teen to change her name legally, but there were complicated reasons. . . (My friend had adopted her as a young child and her original name was "weird" and the birth mom was a bad seed. . .) I think the name change went smoothly, so far as I know.

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

How much it will cost will vary greatly from state to state. Three of my children went through name changes due to adoption and it wasn't a big deal, you just need to remember everywhere it needs to be changed.

 

I think it's very important for him to be able to pronounce his own name and since it's unlikely he'll ever be able to pronounce it I'd definitely let him change it. I think it's a good idea to let him try it out unofficially to make sure it's the one he wants.

[Lisa in Jax]

I'd wait on the legal change for now.

 

Don't worry about finalizing the change until he's an adult. Just have him start introducing himself with the new name. When he's 18, and he's been "John" (or whatever) for 2-3 years, he'll know for sure that he wants to be legally named John and it will just be a formality. In the meantime, he can call himself whatever you and he and his dad agree on.

 

HIH,

 

Lisa

[Crissy]

Just so you know, a legal name change will cost between $1500 and $2000 in my area.

 

We legally changed my older son's name and it cost no more than $200 and took about 30 minutes.

[ereks mom]

I'd stick with Ty, especially since he already answers to it. He would just need to get used to other people calling him that. Definitely try it for awhile before you go another route.

[Maddysmom26]

personally I wouldnt go through the trouble of Legally changing his name. Surely he can find a nick name to introduce himself as..

 

 

Ty?? Or does he hav a middle name that he can go by??

 

I know lots of people that have nicknames that are totally different then their real names and that is what they refer to themself as.

 

Im sure you can come up with something nice that he will like.

I love TY ;) good luck :)

[ciyates]

Let him change his name to whatever he wants. I would make an effort to call him by it and if he decided in the next few years to change it legally go for it. Email friends and family and let them know he had decided to change his name and get them on board with it. I think I would wait at least a year before I did anything legally. Good luck and let us know what he picks.

[Jan in SC]

We legally changed my older son's name and it cost no more than $200 and took about 30 minutes.

 

I don't know! I'm glad it didn't cost you that much. Did your son's name change happen to be done near an adoption, or with the same attorney? That would make a difference in the cost. I'm sure it will vary from place to place.

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I don't know! I'm glad it didn't cost you that much. Did your son's name change happen to be done near an adoption, or with the same attorney? That would make a difference in the cost. I'm sure it will vary from place to place.

Adoption also varies from state to state. I know people who had to pay several thousand dollars to finalize their adoptions because of their state but it only cost us $20 to finalize ours.

[asta]

He was in speech therapy. He has a few issues we couldn't remediate. It MAY be possible with ENOUGH time and effort; but he is not willing to even try to THAT degree, especially for a maybe, even a strong maybe.

 

*I* call him Ty but he's not interested in it for a name.

 

I really appreciate y'all's opinions. I like the idea of using it for awhile before changing it though.

 

Please keep sharing though. The more we have to consider before making a choice, the better!

 

It took me five years of weekly speech therapy to correct my r's and s's - and that was with intense motivation (I was horrifically teased about it daily). I had both letters in my name.

 

If your son has to bet on a maybe, and doesn't like the name Ty, I'd fork out the cash and let him have whatever name he wants. While clear speech is certainly important for many, many things in life, the destruction to one's self esteem brought about by not being able to even pronounce one's own name will wipe out any hope long before adult ramifications can set in.

 

JMO

 

 

asta

[SonshineLearner]

Maybe another name where "Ty" is a short name... like... Titus :)

Edited June 7, 2010 by NayfiesMama
oh yeh.... my name has "double r's.." and i had to work on it for a long time to get the name not to sound like.... "Cawwie".

[FaithManor]

Because he is a minor, you may not be able to legally change his name for this reason. Once birth certificates and social security numbers are issued for children, most states don't allow name changes except in the case of adoption, etc. Normally, the child has to wait until the age of 18 - legal majority - and then go through the work. Here in Michigan, you wouldn't be able to change his first name for that reason.

 

I'd consider a nickname and use that as much as possible.

 

Is his "r" sound issue because of being tongue-tied? DD was slightly tongue-tied at birth (reallllly affected her ability to nurse and made me so sore that I dreaded every feeding) but the doctor didn't do anything about it. She some how managed to figure it out and speaks clearly. But, our cousin's son is severely tongue-tied and his speech teacher told them he won't be able to say r correctly ever because it is too late in his life for him to have his tongue clipped. Apparently this procedure needs to be done before the age of two.

 

If not, it may be an issue of not being able to properly place his tongue in the back of his throat. R is such a weird sound to make! Our speech therapist had ds practice growling and other similar "noises" or sound effects. She also suggested that we take chocolate syrup and have ds rub it on the top inside/back gums of his mouth and then practice trying to make his tongue rise up and touch the chocolate sides simultaneously. She also made him pinch his lips into a bit of a fish shape with his fingers while he growled. Ds still doesn't make a true r, but it passes and he is understandable. We are hoping that further practice as he matures will help. He doesn't currently attend s.t.

 

Faith

[Tap]

DD3 has a legal name and a nick name. The nick name is nothing like her legal name. As long as you are clear with everywhere you go, about one being a legal name, and one being a nick name, there is no problem with a trial run. We switched her name when she was a year old. We wanted to try the name before we changed it legally. It costs about $300 here.

 

Please do not start using the new name as a legal name, or it will cause issues. I work in pharmacy and this is a huge pain for offices in the medical field that need to have our records match the medical record, which need to match the insurance.

 

I haven't had a bit of problem with people getting it confused or refusing any kind of service to her. Every once in a while someone who has to use her legal name in paper work will slip up, but it doesn't bother us, and in your son's case it sounds like that wouldn't be a problem either.

 

 

Women commonly change their names, so it isn't a difficult process for people to adapt to. Just be patient with people who continue to mess up. My mother still messes up on dd3s name and calls her by her legal name. I don't say anything, just put her new name into the next sentence and move on. It doesn't have to be a hot point unless you make it one.

[Crissy]

I don't know! I'm glad it didn't cost you that much. Did your son's name change happen to be done near an adoption, or with the same attorney? That would make a difference in the cost. I'm sure it will vary from place to place.

 

No. My husband never adopted my son, but after we had a child together we wanted everyone to share the same last name.

There were no attorneys involved, rather we went to the local courthouse, filled out the paper work, presented our wishes to the judge and he granted the change.

 

Attorney involvement is probably the difference.

[AHASRADA]

I changed my name when I was 20, and it didn't cost that much, maybe $200, but that was a long time ago, LOL! It did require a notice being posted in the newspaper, so the legality took a month or so. They simply changed my name on my original birth certificate, with a note on the bottom that it was a "court-ordered change". Therefore, I would assume the legal change would need to be done in his city of birth, since his birth certificate would be changed, but I'm not sure. It is important to make sure and change all legal documents, for which he will need the name change order papers. Once the initial changes are done, though, he will only need his birth certificate for any new documents.

 

This is assuming you decide to go ahead with the legal change...Personally, I agree with the suggestions to use a nickname, at least for now. If, by the time he nears 18 and graduation, he has become accustomed to his new name and would like to legally changed, I would do so.

[BigMamaBird]

Given his age and his reasons for wanting to I'd seriously consider it. I would certainly make a 3 month waiting period though, just to carefully think it over. The suggestions of Ty or his middle name are good alternatives as well. You're a great Mom to be going along with this!

[Murphy101]

Can he just go by his middle name? My grandmother hated her first name and went by her middle name for most of her life and I have a cousin who started going by her middle name as a teen. My grandfather has gone by a nickname all his life. No need to change legal documents, just start introducing yourself that way. This would also make is easier for him to change back if he ever choose to.

 

Even if you legally change it, I would put off the legalities until he has been using the "new" name for a few years (just prior to his 18th birthday is probably best). This gives him a chance to "try it on" first and make sure that is really what he wants to do and then you can have the legalities taken care of in time to print his diploma properly.

 

 

This is my suggestion too.

 

I've always hated my name and I disliked my nickname even more.

But I've gotten over it. Mostly. Sorta. I can promise you no descendent of mine will have my name. lol

 

I'd have him use a nickname and change it legally on his own dime after he is 18. If he really wants to change it then he will at that time.

[AFwife Claire]

Attorney involvement is probably the difference.

 

I don't know. I think it must be a state thing too. I legally changed my name when I was 20. I have always been called my middle name, Claire, and after I got married (at 20), I wanted my college to address mail, etc. to Claire "maiden name" "new last name". My college put up a stink about it ("We could NEVER call you anything but your legal first name!"), so I went and had it changed. It was back in Ohio, and I recall it costing about $100. I had to fill out some paperwork, put a legal ad in the newspaper for 6 weeks (in case anyone had any liens or claims against the old me!), and go before a judge. It was no problem, and not much money, or I might not have done it! I only did it because I was so annoyed at my college, LOL.

 

I do have a very good friend who had always been called her middle name, but later in life (after having 2 kids) wanted to be called her first name, which she thought was more grown-up sounding. They were Air Force too, so when they went to a new assignment, she just told every one her new name, and that was what everyone started calling her! Her husband was very supportive, which I think made it easier. If your son does change his name, your support will be very important in how long it takes for everyone around to remember to use the new name!

[Kathleen in VA]

Is there a particular reason he doesn't like the name Ty? Has he heard of the famous baseball player, Ty Cobb? Maybe if he knew of someone famous with the name he'd change his mind about it. Just a thought.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ty_Cobb

 

FTR, my cousin was named Randolph Wayne ________. He was called Randy as a child and hated it so when he was about 13 he started calling himself Wayne. It was weird for the family but now that he's 50 I can't think of him as anything else. All that to say, if he wants to change it, however he does it, the sooner the better.:)

[trueblue]

We have friends who changed their son's name in Texas several months ago - it was to make a nickname the real name (both were normal names, just not at all similar). All the court wanted to know is if it was in the best interest of the child and why. Over the age of 10, the child has to be there, but not on the stand or anything, just standing in the front of the courtroom with a parent/s. As far as we could tell from what she said, the judge just wanted to make sure the child wants to do it.

 

She said the atty said that the court would also want to know that it was for valid reasons and not to try to hide the child from the other parent or family members (if a divorce). She said most name changes are remarriage changes - so all in the family have the same name. First or middles are less usual, but the judge just wants what is best for the child/minor. Both parents need to agree, though.

 

They used an attorney, but I think they could have done it themselves just with court fees.

[trueblue]

I don't know if the military is by chance an interest for your son, but our nephew (who goes by his middle name) had to go by his first in the Marines. He said it is required. I noticed when I was working several 58-60 year old men had a childhood name and then a different name at work. They said when they were in Vietnam, the military insisted they go by their first names as well. Just a thought.

[Spy Car]

I would allow my son the freedom to make this decision for himself. It is his life, and if a speech impediment caused him to be unable to properly pronounce his given name there is no question that I'd support his decision to choose another name.

 

Not even a close call.

 

Bill

[Spy Car]

Has he heard of the famous baseball player, Ty Cobb?

 

Of course Ty Cobb was the most hated great player in the history of baseball ;)

 

Bill

[Crimson Wife]

If he doesn't like "Ty" what about "T"? I used to work with a lady whose husband went by that nickname. I forget what his full name was but IIRC it was something pretty "out there" like Tiberius or something along those lines.

[The Girls' Mom]

I would let him. Give him a few months to try out the new name to make sure, then make it legal.

 

My daughter has an R impediment, and her name is Miranda. It frustrates her to no end that people cannot understand her when she says her name. (They always hear Melinda or Amanda) Her speech is slowly improving, and I believe eventually it will be barely noticable.

 

If it was pronounced and had little chance of improvement, I'd let her change her name. With your son being a boy, I'd be even more inclined to let him change it. (It just seems like it would mess with a boy's self esteem even more so than a girl)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Y'all are wonderful.

 

*I* like Ty and even T. He just isn't interested and his sister agrees <sigh>. So that really isn't a choice.

 

His first choice is John. I told him that *I* find it perfectly fine, but that his father MAY take an issue with it. We'll have to talk to him. My sil's son is named John Michael (called both by the full name and just John). This young man called every family member this weekend and told a VERY large and hurtful lie about the health/condition of his uncle (my hubby's brother). It caused quite a stir. This isn't the only problem with this young man either. So my hubby might have a little bit of an issue with it and ask that ds chooses a name we all can be comfy with (like Ben, which ds is fine with). But we'll see. My daughter said we could liken the situation that happened this weekend to when David (of the Bible) was told all his sons were killed but come to find out, it was the one son who was killed. And a name isn't bad just because of one bratty person. In fact, my hubby's (adoptive) dad's name was Johnny soooooooo.....

 

Anyway, so I'm pretty open to this, but I did want to hear what the considerations from the hive were. Sometimes I can't think of everything, ya know? But it seems like we might try this for a few months and then go ahead and do the change (btw, in VA, it's simply a form and the judge agreeing it's in his best interest which I can't imagine she/he would disagree). That way he can have the change done before driving, a diploma, those sorts of things.

[TravelingChris]

I legally had my first and middle names only changed at age 15. I did this about 32 years ago and it cost about 250 and I did use a lawyer. I changed my name because my mom had named me the same name as her and it was causing confusion that I didn't want like our bank putting in her deposits into my account. I also had never used my first or middle names but just a nickname I didn't like. So when I moved to a new place, I had it changed. I actually changed the spelling on my first name and changed my middle name which I have used for all these years now. I so much liked having my new name. It made me feel more normal. I think it is important to let him do it so he can feel more normal too.

[Parrothead]

Chucki isn't my legal name, but I go by it instead of my real name. There is a stereotype attached to my first name. The stereotype wasn't an issue 43 years ago when I was named, it came about in my mid to late teens. My middle name is almost as bad.

 

I like Chuck or Chucki so a legal change was not needed. I really think if I did not have a nickname I liked I would have considered changing my first name way back when.

 

If you three can agree on a name and it makes your boy's life easier, by all means go for it.

[AHASRADA]

Chucki isn't my legal name, but I go by it instead of my real name. There is a stereotype attached to my first name. The stereotype wasn't an issue 43 years ago when I was named, it came about in my mid to late teens. My middle name is almost as bad.

 

I like Chuck or Chucki so a legal change was not needed. I really think if I did not have a nickname I liked I would have considered changing my first name way back when.

 

Sorry, but I just couldn't resist commenting...So, you honestly don't think "Chucki" has a negative stereotype associated with it? That would be a name which, earning a negative connotations in MY teens, would cause me to want to change it. Just saying ;).

[Teachin'Mine]

I like Ty too, but doesn't help if he doesn't. In looking at boys names beginning with a T, I noticed a variety of spellings for Tyler. Some are Tyla and others ending in an a which is how he's pronouncing it anyway. Might be an easy switch which wouldn't change his "identity". It would make it easier for him to say - and then he could always follow up with saying the spelling T - Y - L - A. Or maybe you're looking for something more easily recognized. He could also make a joke and say he drops the "r" like they do in Massachusetts. :)

Edited June 7, 2010 by Teachin'Mine
Now I can spell the state. lol

[Parrothead]

Sorry, but I just couldn't resist commenting...So, you honestly don't think "Chucki" has a negative stereotype associated with it? That would be a name which, earning a negative connotations in MY teens, would cause me to want to change it. Just saying ;).

I don't think it make me sound like a sex-pot country bumpkin.

 

What is bad about Chucki? It's been a long time since I was a teen.

[Teachin'Mine]

Oops - duplicate.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Chucki,

 

There was a couple movies (I think?) with a doll named Chucky. I think it was horror or kinda like horror (make believe?). I can picture the character but I might have been a tad young for the movie...or just sheltered or "out of it"....

[Parrothead]

Okay. Thanks, Pamela. That would have been from Child's Play. I have his line running through my head on occasion, "Look out, Jack. Chucky's back." :lol: Seriously that is so much better than the other.

 

Now returning this thread back to the original owner.

[Crissy]

What is bad about Chucki?

 

Nothing as far as I'm concerned. :)

 

Seeing your name always reminds me of my grandmother, Grace.

Her nickname was Chucki.

 

It began when she was a young, chubby girl and her dad always called her his Chunky Girl. It eventually changed to Chucki, and there were a number of people (family members, even) who didn't know her name was Grace.

[Unicorn.]

What about Tynen? Of course, I kinda get the impression he doesn't like any form of Ty, or Tyler, maybe because it has been a point of contention for so many years...

[MamaT]

If it is causing him problems, I would do it. I agree that you should do it before he gets a license with his name on it.

 

I particularly like Benjamin Tyler. It is my 2nd ds's name. :001_smile: He has always gone by Tyler, but going by a middle name didn't fly in the Marine Corp. There he has been Benjamin (or Sgt. (last name).

 

I would let him try out just being called a different name of his choosing for a whiile and if he is still liking it after some time has gone by, change it legally.