Whose responsibility is this? - a wee rant

[Rosie_0801]

This was my thought, too. Sorry, I don't mean this in an offensive way, but when you closed your post with, "I'm off to cook the tilapia," I thought, "Why?" :confused:

 

Because the OP has some manners? I'd do the same. I'd rant to myself very thoroughly while doing it, smile while I serve it, but never invite them back.

 

Rosie

[KidsHappen]

My response would have been, "So you have it morning, noon and night then, huh? Oh yeah, how's that working out for ya?" When she started to list other things she may eat, grab on to something quick and easy: "Corn flakes, ya say, I might have some of those." If she doesn't list something like that then say, "Sorry, closet thing I have got is cat food, would you prefer to come over after dinner for coffee instead?" The coffee offer would only be if I was feeling kind, otherwise I might simply inform her that I had obviously made a mistake then, bye-bye. Seriously, Chiliean Sea Bass my a$$. :glare:

[KnitWit]

If I ever come to y'alls house for dinner...I should let you know I only eat lobster freshly caught from the Sea of Tears by gray eyed virgins who are only allowed out on Thursdays, bearing jewel encrusted fishing vessels

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

 

OP, that is the most ridiculously rude thing I've heard in a long time.

 

Someone thinks a bit too highly of themselves I think.

[KnitWit]

If I had more chutzpa, I'd have whipped her up a nice tuna fish sandwich.

 

:lol:

 

Oh my goodness! You gals are cracking me up!

 

Astounding...really.

[Ibbygirl]

What are general opinions on this? Is it rude to give a hostess information like this? As a hostess, I would prefer people let me know. I Have adjusted menus many times. I have made baked ziti with my lasagna for a friend attending a party who didn't eat pork, I have marinated tofu and grilled it with steaks for vegetarian friends, etc. I love to cook and feed people and it makes me sad if peoe don't get to eat.

 

I would want to know too. I rarely get the opportunity to entertain people in my home and to me it is a big deal when someone comes for dinner. I will clean for days, cook for days in some cases and it is just a big deal. I want people to feel as welcome as I possibly can and go out of my way to try to make the evening and meal enjoyable for them. I just cannot imagine someone doing this to me (sorry I'm talking about the op's comments now Mrs. Mungo. ;) ) It seriously would make me want to cry. Especially since the meal, dessert etc would have put me over my budget.

 

This reminds me of my 13th b-day party. Mom took me and several friends out to dinner. I knew it would cost mom a lot to do this so I ordered chicken, the cheapest thing on the menu and most of my friends did as well. But one friend, who also came from a single parent household and KNEW what it would do to my mom's pocket book, ordered Lobster Tail.

 

She was still a friend for many years after that but all of us, including her own mother (who heard about it later), never let her live it down. :lol: I just don't get the mentality of some people.

 

Wow! I would have ordered the cheapest thing too. We've always been on the poorer side and I still am. I wouldn't dream of ever ordering an expensive dish like that on someone else's dime even if they had money, all the more in your mom's case. Man, I just don't know where these people come from??!! It's really really sad. :(

[Lovthesurf]

I am just curious, is there any chance she was 'trying' to be funny?

 

I guess I just can't imagine anyone being that rude and I have to say that full of themselves!

[elegantlion]

Unbelievable! I know no sea bass would have honored my table, fish sticks may be if I had been feeling particularly forgiving.

 

:iagree:

 

I might have asked for clarification, as in "Oh, you prefer bass or did you say you were being an @ss?"

 

Wow, I am a very picky eater, but never never never would I ask the hostess to cater to my pickiness! Either I would choose not to eat the meat (no liver, yuck), or I would eat it with a smile because the hostess made it and she went to a lot of work to make a delicious meal for me!

 

:iagree:

 

I am a notoriously picky eater but baring allergies I will eat what is set before me at a guests home, that would be manners. :glare:

[Heather in AL]

Because the OP has some manners? I'd do the same. I'd rant to myself very thoroughly while doing it, smile while I serve it, but never invite them back.

 

Rosie

 

:iagree: I'm with Rosie on this.

 

As for the OP's post..... I'm speechless. :confused: The nerve of that woman! :glare:

[Danestress]

Or no food besides fish?

 

I think there are people who are just repulsed by animal flesh but not so much by fish. So if you are entertaining them, you can serve all kinds of vegetarian food, not just fish. I have friends who are that way and who would just eat the part of the meal that didn't include other meats- bread, vegetables ... I would never expect them to eat meat just to please me.

 

If she's on some kind of restricted, low carb diet where she really is only eating fish - not bread, not vegetables - she should have refused the dinner invitation or offered to bring the entree.

[Liz CA]

I think it's perfectly fine to mention something you're allergic to or just cannot stomach for whatever reason.

This is helping the hostess. In the OP, the guest treated the hostess like a chef in a restaurant.

 

For example, I could say: My dh does not really like fish, I love it - so who do you want to come back to your place? :lol:

[Kathleen in VA]

My reaction would have been that she was joking and I would have said something like, "Chilean Sea Bass! That's great! Hahahahaha. You're so funny! Ok, then see you in a few hours. Bye."

 

It would never have crossed my mind that she was serious, although the tone of her voice might have given me a clue. I guess she would have been surprised when she got to my house and found that we were having hamburgers and hot dogs.

[EthiopianFood]

I find her rude and demanding. I am a vegetarian and if meat is served as a main course, I'll just take veggies, bread and salad with no complaints.

 

:iagree:

I was once served dinner while out of town that consisted of tuna salad, bratwursts, hot dogs, and baked beans with bacon. I am a vegetarian. I ate plain hot dog buns and the entire dish of pickles (they were homemade and TASTY!), and didn't say one word.

[Audrey]

Kng-I am just using your post for a side question, I hope you don't mind!

 

What are general opinions on this? Is it rude to give a hostess information like this? As a hostess, I would prefer people let me know. I Have adjusted menus many times. I have made baked ziti with my lasagna for a friend attending a party who didn't eat pork, I have marinated tofu and grilled it with steaks for vegetarian friends, etc. I love to cook and feed people and it makes me sad if peoe don't get to eat.

 

 

I want to know what my guests prefer, too. (Although, if they said "I prefer Chilean sea bass" I'd probably withdraw the invitation. That is just soooooo presumptuous and rude!)

 

When I extend an invitation for food events (dinner, bbq, whatever) I always ask the invitees if they have any food allergies, and also if they would like x or y or something else (x and y being 2 things I've considered fixing for them). Even if they don't care for x or y, I've also given them the opportunity to propose "something else." If they don't take that opportunity, then show up later and ask for something else, I would not take kindly to that. At. All. A host should be gracious to her guests needs, but a guest owes some courtesy, too.

Edited March 27, 2010 by Audrey

[orangearrow]

Would you call the acquaintance a bit of an @ss?

 

 

Not to her face. ;)

 

I would probably have said it to her face. :D

 

And, I'd have made a salad and let that suffice.

 

seriously. :001_huh:

[OnTheBrink]

This reminds me of my 13th b-day party. Mom took me and several friends out to dinner. I knew it would cost mom a lot to do this so I ordered chicken, the cheapest thing on the menu and most of my friends did as well. But one friend, who also came from a single parent household and KNEW what it would do to my mom's pocket book, ordered Lobster Tail.

 

She was still a friend for many years after that but all of us, including her own mother (who heard about it later), never let her live it down. :lol: I just don't get the mentality of some people.

 

This past summer I went back to CA and visited with my best friend from high school. I offered to treat her, her dd, and my dd to frozen yogurt, expecting that we'd each get a medium or small cup, a topping and be done with it. Her dd ordered the largest waffle cone with enough frozen yogurt to feed a small nation. I was flabbergasted. I think her cone cost me close to $5 alone.

 

And, I think the acquaintance in the OP is a Chilean Bass @$$.

[Lovedtodeath]

I might have asked for clarification, as in "Oh, you prefer bass or did you say you were being an @ss?"

 

I am a notoriously picky eater but baring allergies I will eat what is set before me at a guests home, that would be manners. :glare:

:lol::lol::lol:

My response would have been, "So you have it morning, noon and night then, huh? Oh yeah, how's that working out for ya?" When she started to list other things she may eat, grab on to something quick and easy: "Corn flakes, ya say, I might have some of those." If she doesn't list something like that then say, "Sorry, closet thing I have got is cat food, would you prefer to come over after dinner for coffee instead?" The coffee offer would only be if I was feeling kind, otherwise I might simply inform her that I had obviously made a mistake then, bye-bye. Seriously, Chiliean Sea Bass my a$$. :glare:

:lol::lol::lol:

[Slartibartfast]

This past summer I went back to CA and visited with my best friend from high school. I offered to treat her, her dd, and my dd to frozen yogurt, expecting that we'd each get a medium or small cup, a topping and be done with it. Her dd ordered the largest waffle cone with enough frozen yogurt to feed a small nation. I was flabbergasted. I think her cone cost me close to $5 alone.

 

And, I think the acquaintance in the OP is a Chilean Bass @$$.

 

If you aren't really used to the ice cream by weight places it can be startling. I know the first time my dd went somewhere like that she went a bit overboard.

[stripe]

I have had guests with specific diets. One cheerfully offered to supply meat his family would eat. Another lady I know whose son has a wheat allergy often travels with food for him. I think there's nothing wrong with bringing your own food to such events if your diet is very complicated OR just inviting people to your house, or being prepared to nibble. A person should not request expensive, specific foods. You're not a restaurant.

[MissKNG]

Kng-I am just using your post for a side question, I hope you don't mind!

 

What are general opinions on this? Is it rude to give a hostess information like this? As a hostess, I would prefer people let me know. I Have adjusted menus many times. I have made baked ziti with my lasagna for a friend attending a party who didn't eat pork, I have marinated tofu and grilled it with steaks for vegetarian friends, etc. I love to cook and feed people and it makes me sad if peoe don't get to eat.

 

For me, to be honest, most people we dine with know that I don't eat meat. But I don't make it a point to demand certain foods, like the gal in the OP did, if someone doesn't know and asks.

 

I think it also depends on personality. I'm very passive so I don't pip up and say "I don't eat meat" if we are invited to a dinner at someone's house. NORMALLY, there is enough variety that I can find something to eat. Like another gal posted about eating hot dog buns and pickles....I've done that too. I'm not bothered by it.

[jujsky]

That's incredibly rude! Yes, great, bit @$$!!!!! I also think it's rude in general to give a food preference unless ASKED. I can completely understand if the person has an allergy or is a vegetarian, but even then they should inform the hostess.

[Dina in Oklahoma]

Unbelievable! I know no sea bass would have honored my table, fish sticks may be if I had been feeling particularly forgiving.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

WELL SAID!

 

:rofl: "And, I think the acquaintance in the OP is a Chilean Bass @$$." :smilielol5::rofl:

Edited March 27, 2010 by Dina in Oklahoma

[Pink Fairy]

So how did dinner go? We need an update. :bigear:

[Brigitte]

:iagree: I'm with Rosie on this.

 

As for the OP's post..... I'm speechless. :confused: The nerve of that woman! :glare:

 

:iagree: However, I would only cook one portion of the fish. Let everyone else enjoy the meal I had planned and likely already started to prepare. But, I am that kind of person. :tongue_smilie:

 

I generally ask my guests in advance if they have any allergies or food aversions when I make the invitation. While I don't care for most fish, I would never tell a hostess that I like all foods except fish. I will eat what is put in front of me. I think the OP's guest was totally rude.

[Impish]

I'm in full agreement about the 'guest' being a jerk.

 

My MIL is a vegan...or so she says. :glare: I have gone to a lot of effort to provide her meals that were vegan...only to have her scarf down TWO pieces of strawberry shortcake with loads of whipped cream (it was my birthday, dh supplied the cake). After that, I didn't worry so much, although always ensuring she had plenty of side dishes to choose from...more than one vegetarian meal a week has Wolf twitchy.

 

One of the first meals my MIL attended after our wedding offended her tremendously. I was on severe dietary restriction by my Dr at the time. It was Easter, which in my family means ham. I had already made a mozzarella meatloaf for everyone else, but couldn't eat it myself...no dairy or wheat allowed. So, I bought a small ham...

 

And a cpl of hours before supper, my new dh informs me that pork is against MIL's religion. (I had NO experience or knowledge of SDA at that time...the only religions I knew at the time that had food restrictions were Jewish and Muslim, and he, growing up SDA took it for granted). Too late to change at that point, plus the fact that we hadn't been planning on having her, she called and announced she was coming, which set me scrambling for enough side dishes to ensure she was fed properly.

 

So, MIL sat and glared at me the entire time I was eating...only to turn a shade of purple when her SON decided he wanted a slice of ham too. :lol:

[rookie]

Your posts have made me laugh and I appreciate all of the affirmations!

 

I should share some background. I hardly know this woman. Last night was out third face-to-face time. She was married to a childhood friend of mine who had stayed close for nearly thirty years. He brought her to meet us (dh+dc+I) after their elopement. Then, 13 months ago, I saw her again for his funeral. He died suddenly and she was left a young widow. My friend's business partner called me to let me know and I got on an airplane and was at the funeral. Two weeks ago she called me and said she would be in town and wanted to come over. Although I have had zero relationship with her (it was a short marriage due to his death) I felt it was right to have her over. She said she could come over in the evening, so we agreed on dinner.

 

Now, I had no way to know what she ate and she did not say anything. I prepared a Barefoot Contessa Turkey Lasagna (no beef just in case), a green salad, whole wheat baguette, french green beens, and blackberry gelato with biscotti. When she called a few hours before dinner to confirm my address I said "I never asked if you have any food allergies and I want to make sure that my dinner is OK" which is when she replied "Well, I am a pescatarian and I thought about telling you but I did not." I did not even know what a pescatarian was and asked. That's when she said that she only eats fish. I thought it was wrong to mention that now rather than two weeks ago but I thought that I could run and buy a piece of fish for her. I asked what kind of fish she ate because I was not sure if she meant white kinds of fish or things like salmon. That is when she said "I prefer Chilean Sea Bass." At that point I did have in internal fit! But, I just asked if there were other options and she replied "Tilapia is OK."

 

I bought tilapia and prepared it with couscous for her. I set out the rest of the dinner for my family. DH ate both! :tongue_smilie:

 

I went ahead with the evening as a way to honor my dear friend but I cannot see being a friend to his widow. What I am about to post was true before he died .... she seems to think that she is Carrie Bradshaw living in Sex in the City and has tastes to correspond so she just says things like "Chilean Sea Bass" as if that is everyone's reality. It's not purposeful meaness or rudeness but just complete self-absorption coupled with a love of all things designer.

 

Anyway, DH says that the tilapia and the turkey lasagna were awesome!!!

Edited March 27, 2010 by rookie

[Jean in Newcastle]

so - curious minds want to know - did she eat only the tilapia or did she also eat the salad, baguette, green beans and blackberry gelato with biscotti (which sounds delicious by the way!)?

 

And really - she wasn't going to make a big deal of the fish at first, it sounds like, since she wasn't going to tell you originally about being a pescatarian until you asked. (I want to point out that my spell-check insists that a pescatarian should really be a Presbyterian!:D)

[Mrs Mungo]

so - curious minds want to know - did she eat only the tilapia or did she also eat the salad, baguette, green beans and blackberry gelato with biscotti (which sounds delicious by the way!)?

 

:iagree: :bigear:

 

And really - she wasn't going to make a big deal of the fish at first, it sounds like, since she wasn't going to tell you originally about being a pescatarian until you asked. (I want to point out that my spell-check insists that a pescatarian should really be a Presbyterian!:D)

 

I wonder what else she does or doesn't eat. Does she eat a lot of vegetarian meals? (my spell-check thinks it should be proletarian :D)

[Penelope]

Kind of like the relative that visited us and then we offered to take them out to dinner. They then insisted we go to a fondue place. They really wanted to try fondue. !! And ordered the most expensive thing there. Now when they come, I make pasta. Or sandwiches. LOL

 

I had some people come over during the low carb phase and pick apart their meal because they had just started the diet and hadn't told me. For goodness sake, when you are a guest, take a couple of bites of the potato and vegetables. Urg. Rude.

 

I would not have gone out to get a piece of fish the day of. I am a mostly-vegetarian person and don't like beef, but if someone invited me to dinner, I wouldn't say anything about that because it is not an allergy.

[rookie]

so - curious minds want to know - did she eat only the tilapia or did she also eat the salad, baguette, green beans and blackberry gelato with biscotti (which sounds delicious by the way!)?

 

And really - she wasn't going to make a big deal of the fish at first, it sounds like, since she wasn't going to tell you originally about being a pescatarian until you asked. (I want to point out that my spell-check insists that a pescatarian should really be a Presbyterian!:D)

 

She had the couscous but not the greens. She had a bit of the dessert. She had A LOT of the sangria.

 

I think that if you only eat fish, you should say so up front - it's a lifestyle choice not a medical condition -- not hours before dinner. I asked about allergies/restrictions only to know if her health would be compromised by something (peanut-allergy or diabetes). At the end of the day, it's all fine. I am just surprised -- to often -- by others.

[lollie010]

Now, I had no way to know what she ate and she did not say anything. I prepared a Barefoot Contessa Turkey Lasagna (no beef just in case), a green salad, whole wheat baguette, french green beens, and blackberry gelato with biscotti.

 

The next time something like this happens, just give me a call. I will be right over. You sound like an amazing hostess and wonderful cook. I hope that your next dinner guest can respect the amount of effort that it takes to put together such a fine meal.