Would love some thoughts on a situation.

[emeraldjoy]

Hey.

I have not done a thing such as this before, but I thought...what the heck. Feeling pretty desperate and not much to lose(ish). I can't talk in real life about this to anyone but husband and close family.

 

We caretake for my Brother-in-law who is paranoid schizophrenic. He has lived under our roof for almost 4 years. His illness began in the miltary andm ost of his paranoia centers on government (George W a biggie) and Christians. He thinks they are devil worshipers. I just happen to be a christian.

 

It has been a crazy roller-coaster as you can imagine. Recently, however, things have gotten appearingly more than we can manage. Earlier today we had visitors from the Sheriffs department. Several people in a neighorhood saw him slashing tires and spraypainting cars..IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!! After very exhausting several hours with the police (who were some of the best officers ever) he finally came clean and confessed.

 

His reason: ARe you ready? The house numbers started with a 233 (or something similar) which is the first numbers in some sort of US military missile or something like that. I think the cars were white too (something about white cars????) He spray painted SPNT which stands for spores, nuclear terrorists. He is most paranoid of nuclear and spores poisoning. Gosh now that I have begun, I am realizing how much there is to this story and I am not sure where to begin or end or even if I should post??

 

He is showing no remorse. After all in his world they are trying to kill him.

Recently, there is evidence that he is cheeking his meds.

His psychiatrist is worthless.

We have 4 kids.

I am scared.

We feel over our heads.

He will probably end up institutionalized without us.

 

e

[NorthwestMom]

:grouphug:

 

I have not been in your particular situation, BUT, when my mom lived with us, her dementia caused delusions. She believed that I wasn't feeding my baby and she tried to sneak the baby chunks of food. She tried to slip my 5 month old baby chunks of cheddar cheese and bananas. The baby could have choked to death. We had to move my mom as soon as possible. It took several weeks of constant supervision before we found the right place, and it was traumatic, but the baby is a happy, healthy 7yo now. In her right mind, my mother would have told me to do exactly what I did.

 

I think you need to move out your BIL. His disease is unmanageable at this point and your innocent children, you, or Dh could be hurt. Do it NOW before anything terrible happens. Your gut is telling you he is unsafe or you would not have posted what you did. Go with your gut. He may be institutionalized, and that is sad, but not as sad as your child getting hurt.

 

What a terrible disease. I applaud your care and support of him and send you strength.

[Sonshine]

Gosh - what a nightmare. I hope someone knowledgeable has something to say to help you. My mother-in-law tried to take in her brother-in-law but had to kick him out when she caught him putting clothes he had put lighter fluid on in the drier.

Is there not other option, such as group home or state hospital? I'm sure you have looked into all this. I'm concerned that a gunfight might erupt between the police and your brother and someone in the family might get hurt in the crossfire.

This sounds terrible, but is he going to jail? Or can he be sentenced to a state mental hospital as an alternative? I used to work in a state mental hospital on the criminal but mentally insane unit. The unit I was on actually did a good job of keeping them properly medicated and it wasn't a terrible place to live. There are far worse things that can happen to schizophrenics - it's a horrific disease. What a wonderful person you are to take him in.

[Scarlett]

Hey.

I have not done a thing such as this before, but I thought...what the heck. Feeling pretty desperate and not much to lose(ish). I can't talk in real life about this to anyone but husband and close family.

 

We caretake for my Brother-in-law who is paranoid schizophrenic. He has lived under our roof for almost 4 years. His illness began in the miltary andm ost of his paranoia centers on government (George W a biggie) and Christians. He thinks they are devil worshipers. I just happen to be a christian.

 

It has been a crazy roller-coaster as you can imagine. Recently, however, things have gotten appearingly more than we can manage. Earlier today we had visitors from the Sheriffs department. Several people in a neighorhood saw him slashing tires and spraypainting cars..IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!! After very exhausting several hours with the police (who were some of the best officers ever) he finally came clean and confessed.

 

His reason: ARe you ready? The house numbers started with a 233 (or something similar) which is the first numbers in some sort of US military missile or something like that. I think the cars were white too (something about white cars????) He spray painted SPNT which stands for spores, nuclear terrorists. He is most paranoid of nuclear and spores poisoning. Gosh now that I have begun, I am realizing how much there is to this story and I am not sure where to begin or end or even if I should post??

 

He is showing no remorse. After all in his world they are trying to kill him.

Recently, there is evidence that he is cheeking his meds.

His psychiatrist is worthless.

We have 4 kids.

I am scared.

We feel over our heads.

He will probably end up institutionalized without us.

 

e

 

I have a brother who is paranoid schizophrenic. I was not raised with him and have only recently begun to visit him as he lives very near by in a home for mentally ill people. Although he is is currently stable there is absolutley NO WAY I would allow him to live with me--with or without my son involved. He is in the best possible place he could be. Frequent visits from me and my son and other family members help him. I go get him for a few hours and ds s9 and I take him to Wal-mart, or to the lake or whatever. He often talks about 'getting out' and living with first one person or another....but he won't ever leave where he is. I try to encourage him to be thankful for the place he has and point out how well they care for him. (they do).

 

Oh and btw, he is going to be 45 this month. Almost a year older than me. I feel for you. It is sad and terrifiying. But I don't see how you can keep him in your home.

[Scarlett]

Emerald Joy,

 

I live near a small city and my brother is in a facility in a small town nearby. He has been institutionalized for 20 years. There are good facilities and bad ones. I am not sure what I or my other brother would do if mentally ill brother was in a bad situation. I hope you can find a good place for him to be. He clearly is not being properly medicated or he would not be acting out this way.

 

I hope you find a place for him to be. It is sad, but he is seriously a threat to himself and others if he is not properly medicated and cared for. When my brother is stable is is the most gentle soul on earth and certainly not a threat. But untreated he drinks to oblivion, steals, and can be violent.

 

I wanted to add that my brother has not been violent very often in his life. He was once that I know of due to mistreatment of him by orderlies in lock up. Medicated he is fine. But he can't live on his own and be trusted to take his meds.

Edited October 1, 2009 by Scarlett
To add last paragraph

[cdrumm4448]

I'm not trying to completely freak you out, but my neighbor two doors down took in her 34-year-old, bi-polar son. Two months later he snuck up behind her while she was on the treadmill listening to her Ipod and shot her in the back of the head with a shotgun. She's alive, but she will never be the same. Her daughter told me that they had a feeling something like this was about to happen, but did nothing about it. Please do not risk something happening to your children. Mental illness is serious.

[tex-mex]

:grouphug: So sorry to hear you are going thru this...

 

My hubby's sister is paranoid schizophrenic. At age 49, she has been in and out of institutions, 51/50 (72 hr holds), homeless for years on the streets of Los Angeles, and much more. She was in a half-way home as a teen where she was raped and had a child. She gave it away for adoption when it was born back in 1981. The meds have really done major damage for executive function and loss of muscle coordination. But she needs her meds.

 

So far, she is doing fine living on her own in a single wide trailer one block away from her parent's home in NM. She has a kind gentle spirit. She has never shown violence -- but we do worry. A year ago, there was an incident where in-laws were on the road and we thought a neighbor and social worker was checking in on her 2x's a week (we are in TX) but for some reason... no one was. Let's just say thank goodness for the kindness of strangers to advert a potential disaster. In-laws have created a Special Needs trust to help her medical bills and such when SSI/Disability stops paying when she hits "retirement" age. Hubby realizes we will have to bring her closer to TX if in-laws pass away. Trying to look into Senior Living situations -- she is very independent and does not want to live with us. Not sure what to do.

 

She babbles to herself -- laughs with an imaginary friend. Some days she is very argumentative. Most days she is kind and oh-so-sweet. Mentally, she used to be very intelligent... now it seems she mentally is a teenager in her "mind". All she talks about is 1978. To her, it is real. We smile when she says her AA degree is about to be completed. (Truthfully, she had to quit her first year of community college due to a mental breakdown and institutionalization.) That part of her life is where time stops. She will lie often when she meets new people. Often, she will open up to me (in her lucid moments) and tell me what really happened -- stuff she will not even tell her mom or family. That surprises me. I listen and try to be there for her. It is very sad and painful. Our son is very aware of his Aunt's limitations and her mental illness. He seems to have taken it well. He is not embarrassed by her.

 

One thing I need to share with you is the difficulty of getting help for any adult (over the age of 18) with mental illness. Legally, family members cannot talk to the social worker, psychiatrist, or state services -- until it is too late. If your brother is indeed showing violent tendancies I strongly suggest he be housed someone else. He is sounding like meds are not being taken. And his "reality" is the govt is the enemy -- paranoid thoughts. He needs a period of time for the meds to kick in and get therapy. He also needs behavior modification on what is and is not appropriate -- SIL went thru this for years and finally she is at a point where her paranoia doesn't overwhelm her. Even on meds, any type of stress will trigger a relapse. There were times we literally had to force SIL to take her meds. That is not safe for him to be like this. With help, he may be able to live on his own, in a half-way home, or a decent institution?

Edited October 1, 2009 by tex-mex

[ma23peas]

I am so sorry. I know what it takes to manage schizophrenia medically (sold an anti-psychotic for many years)...they must, they MUST maintain their meds..or there is nothing you can do to help them. There is a clear danger to you and your family, perceived yet or not....by getting him help in a managed facility..you are showing them you love him....and showing your family that your ability to care for him is limited....

 

You need to find a new psychiatrist....a support group for families dealing with these issues, they can see more clearly what may be difficult for you and dh to see due to emotional bonds....

 

Don't let this be a warning signal that goes unacted upon....now is the time to act..gather your resources and keep your family safe.

 

Tara

[TravelingChris]

:iagree:with the others who say this is a dangerous situation and you need to get him help. Contact NAMI in your area. They can lead you to resources and where to get help. It really sounds like he needs to be somewhere other than your home. IF he isn't taking his meds, it won't be the last time the police show up.

[KJB]

Call his psychiatrist.

 

His doctor needs to know about his recent behavior. He sounds like he needs to be hospitalized until he is stable. Stable doesn't mean he is well enough to live with you.

 

His doctor should be able to help you get him on disability if he isn't already. His doctor should also be able to steer you in the direction of a living arrangement for him that is safe. (If you are in the US, there are no real "institutions" that I'm aware of short of criminal hospitals. Instead, there are group homes. They aren't necessarily bad places. Many group homes are excellent and let an adult with a disability lead a fairly functional life. The problem is that there are a shortage of homes.)

 

You need to let his doctor know that you are afraid of him and that you have small children.

 

The doctor should respond because this is *his* patient and *he* will be accountable if he has been made aware of your brother's condition and he's not acted.

 

The doctor can talk to you, or rather, *you* can talk to him. You can also get your brother to give the doc permission to discuss his case with you. In this case, though, you need no special permission to phone or march down to the psychiatrist's office and let him know what's going on.

 

You might even pursue having your brother declared incompetent so that you can better manage his care.

 

I am really really sorry. I know how hard the whole mess is. Protect your children and pray for your brother.

 

(((HUGS))))

[Mad Jenny Flint]

If he is not medicated, I would not recommend maintaining him in your home with your children any longer.

[Jeannie in NJ]

last summer we had an incident where the adult son with schizophrenia lived with his mother. She had her 13 or 14 year old twin neices staying with her for the summer. One night, he attacked them all. I think it was with an axe. His mother and one twin died and the other barely survived. This is such a scary illness and I don't think he should be in your house.

[johnandtinagilbert]

:grouphug: I can't imagine the tugging heart in this situation. I think you already know where this might go, and where it should go, the very usage of "unsafe" in you posting tells us all, so I won't offer the solution, just :grouphug: May God's word bring you peace.

[Tiff in TX]

:grouphug: Praying for you and your entire family. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I do understand what you are going through.

 

This past May, my brother was diagnoised with paranoid schitzophrena at the age of 31. The news was devestating to my parents and myself. Our world was turned upside down. The first month was the worst, but after a 10 day hospital stay, he was on his meds and is doing better now. He can sleep, he can function... but he still isn't the older brother I grew up with all my life. He only speaks when spoken to and he never laughs.

 

Our experiences are different, but just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

[Tiff in TX]

last summer we had an incident where the adult son with schizophrenia lived with his mother. She had her 13 or 14 year old twin neices staying with her for the summer. One night, he attacked them all. I think it was with an axe. His mother and one twin died and the other barely survived. This is such a scary illness and I don't think he should be in your house.

 

Yes, this is a scary illness, but please remember that sane people do awful things too. Not all people with this disease are going to do harm to their family. The meds for the disease are getting better all the time. People with schizophrenia can lead 'normal' lives. :001_smile:

[Firefly]

Emerald Joy, is there a local mental health center that you can contact? Many of them now have Mobile Treatment Teams (I was the counselor on one for many years) that would be able to help you. And yes, if your BIL has a propensity for violence, it is very important he not be in your house. If your MTT was like ours, they will be able to help him set up his own place and assist him with living in the community. Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions. :grouphug:

[LauraGB]

Hey, we have something in common! A few months ago I woke up to find the SWAT team walking around my house and 4 squad cars blocking off my driveway. Apparently, we were conducting fungal experiments on one of our residents (we own an adult family home) and we were reporting it to Russia. And yes, there was more to the story that actually got them to come over in the first place, that they explained to me while standing in my living room, but I'm not sure I should share due to privacy laws. That's probably more than enough (and no, we certainly were not conducting experiments!! Nor do we have contact with Russian Intelligence :-)

 

Does he have a county case worker? Does his funding have a bearing on seeking a new psychiatrist? My advice, not just for the safety of your family, but for him, especially, is to find a place for him to go where the facility is trained in working with chronic mental illness. CMI individuals are entirely too unpredictable even with medication to be cared for by loving families, but who don't know how to provide the kind of care they need. They can be hurt, invite anger from others outside the home who don't understand, or cause harm. Try to find a smaller home instead of an institution (the larger facilities, in my experience, often times add the the paranoia for the individual), and a better psychiatrist. Our adult fam home is small, only 4 permanent residents and we've been doing this for over 10 years. We are trained in this field, we know our guys, we know how to help them, we know what triggers them, they don't feel as though they are living in an institution. That is the sort of facility you might want to look into for him if he'll be coming from a loving home with people he knows.

:grouphug:

Edited October 1, 2009 by LauraGB

[kalanamak]

I am scared.

We feel over our heads.

He will probably end up institutionalized without us.

 

 

He may need a time of institutionalization. He may need to get a long-acting shot every couple of weeks. I hate to mention this, but paranoids can kill. Call the local crisis triage or, will he be arrested for his vandalism? You can appear in court and tell the judge about the background. He may get detained that way. Be sure and talk to the people where he is detained about any threats, etc.

:grouphug: You aren't alone. Many people struggle with this. PM me if you like. I work with this population.

[2cents]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :(

 

I strongly urge you to consider having him placed in a protected and supervised environment. Managing his meds and behavior on your own and hoping his behavior won't spiral more out of control is not healthy for your family.

 

His behavior is creating a very unsafe environment for your family as well. He could be dangerous in a delusional state and there is also the consideration that if he enrages an unstable neighbor there could be those repercussions to deal with as well.

 

A managed care facility would have the staff, medical expertise and security to create a more stable and consistent environment for him. :grouphug:

[jazzyfizzle]

Hello, we are new to the board and just wanted to send you our thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

[emeraldjoy]

I only have a very few moments right now.

I have read through every single post so far.

Thanks so very much. truly you have no idea how much the effort you put into responding to me means.

Thanks for all the good advice.

I am pondering it all.

I will probably read and then re-read it all again.

We are off to court in a few mintutes.

Please pray.

e

[Scarlett]

One thing I need to share with you is the difficulty of getting help for any adult (over the age of 18) with mental illness. Legally, family members cannot talk to the social worker, psychiatrist, or state services --

 

When I first got in contact with the home where my brother lives, I rambled on for 10 minutes to the social worker with my concerns and questions. She listened but did not say anything. Then when I quit talking she said, 'I need to get your brother to sign a release so I can talk to you about this.' In 10 minutes she called me back and told me anything and everything I wanted to know.

 

I wonder if different states have different guidelines on that?

[Scarlett]

I know first hand that this is true. Really, I cringe when people talk about those with mental illness as if they are some kind of murderous beasts to be feared. I understand sometimes bad things happen, but I don't believe that the majority of mentally ill people will hurt anyone. They are more likely to hurt themselves.

 

I totally agree with this. I was shocked to find out just how gentle my brother is. However he MUST be medicated to stay stable. He can spiral out of control VERY quickly with out his meds. Even then he isn't likely to be a danger to anyone except himself.

[Scarlett]

We caretake for my Brother-in-law who is paranoid schizophrenic. He has lived under our roof for almost 4 years. His illness began in the miltary andm ost of his paranoia centers on government (George W a biggie) and Christians. He thinks they are devil worshipers. I just happen to be a christian.

 

A few questions if you dont mind sharing. Are you his guardian? Even if you aren't you should be able to get a release so you can have access to his medical records and doctors. This was VERY helpful to me.

 

He is showing no remorse. After all in his world they are trying to kill him.

Recently, there is evidence that he is cheeking his meds.

His psychiatrist is worthless.

We have 4 kids.

I am scared.

We feel over our heads.

He will probably end up institutionalized without us.

 

I am not sure why anyone would expect him to show remorse at this point. I can't even believe he is having to go to court. For what? I mean surely they don't intend to punish him for his actions while he was in a psychotic paranoid state. Maybe the court is to have him committed? Or maybe the legal stuff is to start a process to get him better help?

 

I urge you to find a small instituation or group home with trained people where he can live and where you know he will always take his meds. My brother lives in a small nursing home with others like him in a small town. He is free to come and go. free to make phone calls. The staff even drives my brother and his friend to a nearby lake to let them camp out over night. They pack them a meal or two and come back the next day to pick them up. They are very very good to him there.

 

I have learned so much about his mental illness in the last few months. So much of what I thought I knew was wrong. But what I do know is that my brother should never leave the home he is in. If it shut down and we did not have a good alternative, I'm not sure what we would do.

 

Big hugs to you and your family. And please come back and update us.

[Scarlett]

Bump

 

EmeraldJoy,

 

I've been thinking about you for days. Please give us an update or pm me if you want.

[Denisemomof4]

oh WOW. That is a very, very scary situation.

 

My brother is a paranoid schizophrenic. I understand all to well what you're going through. Since my parents have both died in the past year, my brother has spiraled out of control. He's been in the state hospital and psyche wards so much in the past year, and nobody and NOTHING has helped him. It's so frustrating. But one thing I know FOR SURE is that there is absolutely NO WAY he can live with us. We also have four children and although he's pretty stable, he does have violent tendencies and I can NOT have my kids exposed to that. Also, if he goes off his meds, he's definitely capable of anything and everything. It's very, very scary.

 

Does your brother have a legal guardian?

 

We had to have my brother involuntarily committed in the past. it caused a lot of strife and anger but I believe it saved the lives of me, my sister and perhaps our husbands. Maybe this is something you can consider.

 

It's a dangerous situation for sure and I think it's unsafe for your brother to be living with your family. But you also have to weigh in the repercussions of asking him to leave. Will he go after you guys?

 

Mental illness is so, so tough.

:grouphug:

[Tap]

I grew up with a ps aunt. She would go from stable to dangerous quickly. She tried to kill my parents several times (poisoned their coffee-luckily they caught on) even though my mom was one of the people who cared for her. It is a dangerous illness, and it honestly sounds like you brother is at the point where he is not stable enough to live without constant monitoring. In the early years it was always hard on my mom to see her sister go to the institution, but over time she started to realize that once my aunt started going down hill (out of the institution) that it was a horrible spiral until she went to the hospital, got medicated and stabilized. My aunt could live on her own for about 6-12 months and then be hospitalized again. My mom got good at identifying when she started slipping, would call her doctor and notify him. Like others have said, it isn't easy to get an adult admitted, but she got good at identifying the particular personality traits that could be used to re-commit her. By doing this, she was being the best sister my mom could have ever been. My mom was able to get her admitted, and to get her belongings out of her apartment/into storage and to pay her final bills. This enabled my aunt to have a good reentry into the world after her visit to the hospital. There were times that my mom would have to let my aunt get arrested, then they would put a mental hold on her, and move her to the hospital instead of jail. They were often minor offences, but enough that the criminal system was a reliable way to get her into the hospital.

 

I hope you are able to find a person who will let you advocate for your brother, will work with you and that your are able to get him the help that he needs.

 

 

Blessings and well wishes to you,

it is such an incredible heartbreak to love someone who is so ill,

~Tap

[Denisemomof4]

:grouphug: In-laws have created a Special Needs trust to help her medical bills and such when SSI/Disability stops paying when she hits "retirement" age. Hubby realizes we will have to bring her closer to TX if in-laws pass away. Trying to look into Senior Living situations -- she is very independent and does not want to live with us. Not sure what to do.

 

are you sure SSI/Disability will stop paying for her when she hits retirement age? We've never been told this with my brother. My parents were VERY wealthy at one point but with everything that's taken place in the past few years, there's NO WAY he would be taken care of for the rest of his life, should he live to an old age.

[Denisemomof4]

You might even pursue having your brother declared incompetent so that you can better manage his care.

 

I would tread lightly with this. If you start to gain control over him, his delusions may cause him to turn against you. With my brother, my sister and I both decided NOT to go for guardianship, even though it was recommended, because we felt it would endanger our lives. Both our husbands agreed.

[Scarlett]

are you sure SSI/Disability will stop paying for her when she hits retirement age? We've never been told this with my brother. My parents were VERY wealthy at one point but with everything that's taken place in the past few years, there's NO WAY he would be taken care of for the rest of his life, should he live to an old age.

 

Oh I didn't even catch this the first time. I would be very surprised if SSI/Disability stops at retirement age.

[Impish]

First of all, I'm sorry :grouphug:

 

Since he's begun cheeking his meds, he is only going to become more unstable. IMO, this makes him dangerous to you and your children.

 

He needs more help than you can give him. For his safety and security, I think a residential facility is the only option. Its also about protecting your children too.

 

No, not everyone that has mental illness is dangerous. However, he's acting out on his dellusions, and in a way that could easily turn violent.

 

His going to a residential treatment facility doesn't mean you don't love him, or have failed him. Exactly the opposite. You're recognizing when you're over your head, and cannot give him the help he needs to live a safe life.

 

Best wishes to you :grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

When I first got in contact with the home where my brother lives, I rambled on for 10 minutes to the social worker with my concerns and questions. She listened but did not say anything. Then when I quit talking she said, 'I need to get your brother to sign a release so I can talk to you about this.' In 10 minutes she called me back and told me anything and everything I wanted to know.

 

I wonder if different states have different guidelines on that?

:iagree:

 

My sister did this same thing and talks to my brother's psychiatrist, but nothing is helping him.

 

Because of this thread, I now remember the local NAMI group meets regularly and I need to go check into it. Thank you for sharing your story, and thanks to who mentioned NAMI. We are at a dead end and have been told there are no group homes for our brother.

[Scarlett]

:iagree:

 

My sister did this same thing and talks to my brother's psychiatrist, but nothing is helping him.

 

Because of this thread, I now remember the local NAMI group meets regularly and I need to go check into it. Thank you for sharing your story, and thanks to who mentioned NAMI. We are at a dead end and have been told there are no group homes for our brother.

 

So what are the alternatiaves if there is no group home? I don't understand. The state cannot just abandon him. Is he a ward of the state? I'm sorry if you've already answered this, I'm trying to multi task...:)

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I havn't read your whole thread. (We are about to start school and I tend to read threads backwards anyway.)

 

But,...most of my clients present with mental illnesses.

 

I strongly urge you not to try to manage him in your home. I know that you may feel like you are "turning him over to an institution" or "not taking care of your own", but, really....I would NOT take care of a mentally ill family member in my home and I am somewhat qualified to do so. (I say 'somewhat' because I think that all bets are off when it is family as it becomes OH SO MUCH MORE COMPLICATED!)

 

My brother died of a progressive brain diseas that produces, among other things, dementia and it is VERY aggressive. I begged him to come home to my house for hospice. He said,"your kids don't need to watch me die!" I reminded him that Claire, our youngest, was born at home and it is a part of the cycle of life and I was okay with that. I told him that we would bring people in to help and that he would not be a bother or a burden.

 

(He died of Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, the human form of Mad Cow Disease. Info here if you are interested:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/creutzfeldt-jakob-disease/DS00531 )

 

 

Anyway, in the end, while I regretted that he chose a hospital over my home, I believe that it was probably a good decision. Usually CJD patients become combative and mean. My brother died so fast from the disease that he didn't have time to progress to that level. It was just so fast.

 

 

I told you all that to let you know that I really do understand your DESIRE to take care of him yourself. But,....maybe it is too much for you AND it could be downright dangerous.

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

 

And, please remember.....as I'm sure you probably know: paranoid patients are among the most dangerous, the most volatile and the most unpredictable.

 

Please be VERY careful!

[Denisemomof4]

So what are the alternatiaves if there is no group home? I don't understand. The state cannot just abandon him. Is he a ward of the state? I'm sorry if you've already answered this, I'm trying to multi task...:)

 

no, he's not a ward of the state. Maybe he was until he completed his probationary period, if you call it that, after he was conditionally discharged from the state mental hospital. Now there's NOTHING we can do to help him. He keeps checking himself into a psyche ward and since they're not helping him, I fear his time is running out. He's been verbalizing how he wants to end it for months now. I'm so sick of not knowing what to do.

 

I'm going to a NAMI meeting on Thursday. Hopefully someone can tell me of some sort of help I've not been able to figure out yet. I've called all around the state before, NH has a horrible reputation for the mentally ill.

[zaichiki]

e,

 

I'm sorry to have to say this, but I think he should be hospitalized. If he isn't taking his medicaton he could easily become dangerous. From his recent behavior, it sounds like he is unpredictable.

 

(We have mental illness in our family, including paranoid schizophrenia, so I can easily imagine how you must be feeling right now.)

 

Sending prayers your way!

 

 

 

Hey.

I have not done a thing such as this before, but I thought...what the heck. Feeling pretty desperate and not much to lose(ish). I can't talk in real life about this to anyone but husband and close family.

 

We caretake for my Brother-in-law who is paranoid schizophrenic. He has lived under our roof for almost 4 years. His illness began in the miltary andm ost of his paranoia centers on government (George W a biggie) and Christians. He thinks they are devil worshipers. I just happen to be a christian.

 

It has been a crazy roller-coaster as you can imagine. Recently, however, things have gotten appearingly more than we can manage. Earlier today we had visitors from the Sheriffs department. Several people in a neighorhood saw him slashing tires and spraypainting cars..IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!! After very exhausting several hours with the police (who were some of the best officers ever) he finally came clean and confessed.

 

His reason: ARe you ready? The house numbers started with a 233 (or something similar) which is the first numbers in some sort of US military missile or something like that. I think the cars were white too (something about white cars????) He spray painted SPNT which stands for spores, nuclear terrorists. He is most paranoid of nuclear and spores poisoning. Gosh now that I have begun, I am realizing how much there is to this story and I am not sure where to begin or end or even if I should post??

 

He is showing no remorse. After all in his world they are trying to kill him.

Recently, there is evidence that he is cheeking his meds.

His psychiatrist is worthless.

We have 4 kids.

I am scared.

We feel over our heads.

He will probably end up institutionalized without us.

 

e

Edited October 2, 2009 by zaichiki

[zaichiki]

He may need to get a long-acting shot every couple of weeks.

 

There are pros and cons to this type of medicine management. A plus is that you don't have to worry about whether or not the pills were taken every day. A con is that the patient can still fight taking the medicine -- just not as often. Would you have a way to transport the person, who is resisting, to get the shot every month (or whenever it's scheduled)?

Edited October 2, 2009 by zaichiki

[RanchGirl]

This sounds like a terrible situation for all of you. I'm so sorry.

 

If you can't find a place for him right away, you may need to move your children to a different location until he is out of the home, for their safety. I would be very very concerned.

[kalanamak]

So what are the alternatiaves if there is no group home? I don't understand.

 

Group homes are run by individuals. They get to decline people presented to them. There are some behaviors that most group homes won't touch: fire starting, eloping the moment they get there, smoking in bed, rage and furniture throwing, drugs in the house, sexual aggression or a penchance for nudity etc. If a patient has a history of those it can be very hard to place.

 

Our state has started a county based system of putting people who "cannot live with others" in small apartments and having a team member go visit them daily at first and then less and less often, usually not less often than a once a week. The person, however, has usually had to "hit bottom" in that they have been arrested for scary things many times OR they have been chronically homeless (which is a way of living alone).

 

Sometimes patients, in my state, are court-ordered to take meds, and if the person refuses, they are picked up and re-committed immediately....and don't have to wait to be a clear danger to self or others. These are people who have gone off their meds many times and always become a DTS or a DTO.

 

Mental illness is the pits.

[kalanamak]

Would you have a way to transport the person, who is resisting, to get the shot every month (or whenever it's scheduled)?

 

After a few rounds of locked wards, some patients, while completely denying they have a mental illness or need meds, accept that if they want to NOT be locked up, they will just have to get their shot. What an amazing spot of life to live in! Imagine if YOU, just as you see yourself now, had to go down to the center every 21 days and get a shot of medicine that makes you blah in order to not be locked up. This is how they see it.

[zaichiki]

Kalanamak,

 

I was not intending to challenge you. I just know that it was very difficult to get a family member to the shot every month... and that is something for the OP to consider if the patient is in her care.

 

Of course, it IS much easier to worry about medication once a month than every day.

[kalanamak]

Kalanamak,

 

I was not intending to challenge you.

 

Of course, it IS much easier to worry about medication once a month than every day.

 

I didn't think you were. But there are ways to motivate people.

 

Not only easier, but more likely to happen. Many people are on the shot to keep them sane enough to take their daily mood stabilizer, so they don't make everyone give up on them by being so moody.

[Slartibartfast]

I wouldn't let him live with me if he wasn't taking his meds.

 

:(

 

I am sorry you are dealing with this situation. I am sure it is incredibly difficult. :(

[emeraldjoy]

Iam going to post an update before I read the last few pages of this thread. I am not sure how much time I have. I just want to let those who are following this know what is going on.

 

I am humbled by your support. truly. thank you.

 

We have not been home since yesterday early afternoon. He decompensated even more. I called the adult mental health center and asked for help. I just told them I didn't know what to do and that we needed help and were scared. The woman I talked to said she would call me right back. 3 hours later she called back and said she would have a case manager get a hold of us sometime. I again told her I felt like we needed immediate help, and really insisted that something needed to happen soon. Within an hour we had a knock at our door.

A caseworker showed up and talked B into going in to the center talk to a mental health professional.

 

In the mean time my husband said get the kids ready and get out of the house. I packed a few basic things and left. We were hoping they would assess him and admit him. What they did however, was send him home without notifiying us. We left 4 messages and did not receive a call back.

 

We went to a friends house to stay for the night. Today, my father in law came from out of town. Oh my this is so, so long, am trying to figure out to condense.

 

Eventually, he was talked into going into a crisis house for the weekend. He will be reassesed on monday????????

'

In the meantime he was "hailing hitler" about me, literally. He went and got my parents of "care package" that included, among other things "miracle whip" becaues christians believe in miracles and it is white and people wear white to church. Almond joy because Peter Paul is the company name.....and on and on and so forth. Powdered donuts because of white powder nuclear weapons. There is so, so, so much. so much.

 

Now we are having to figure out a new living arrangment. obviously. I am very afraid. He has always circled around tome and my family trying to hurt him because we are christians. I thought if I loved him, it would work.

It hasn't.

my heart is broke.

we are done though.

we have to be.

not sure where to go from here but things will be very, very different.

 

In 4 years we have never witnessed this type of behavior from him. We are confused and dont really know what has happened. Now, though, we are done trying to figure it out. It is time for someone else to.

 

He was diagnosed in the military and recieves full military disabilty. The VA can take over, iguess.......

 

sort of shell shocked. This was our life for a very long time. we love him. we really do.

 

thanks for caring,

emerald

[EKS]

He will probably end up institutionalized without us.

 

e

 

It sounds like he should be institutionalized.

 

This is something that you shouldn't be dealing with in your home.

[littleWMN]

I am so sorry.

[Mom0012]

I'm sorry things have taken such a bad turn. It sounds like you are dong the right thing, though. I am so glad to hear you are taking steps to protect yourself and your children.

 

Lisa

[NavyWifeandMommy]

:grouphug:

Not an easy situation to be in and sending a prayer your way. Your first priority is the safty of your imedate family which is you, spouse and children.

[kalanamak]

Eventually, he was talked into going into a crisis house for the weekend. He will be reassesed on monday????????

 

 

HTH:

 

Make it clear he cannot come to your house in this condition. State that you are afraid for the safety of your family. Try to remember anything scary he did or said, including feeling persecuted by people of your religion. Tell the case worker you will have to call the police if he is just released and comes back to your house (this sounds awful, but sometimes it is the only way to turn the heat up under the burner, as it were), because you are frightened. Tell them you fear for him, yourself, your kids.

 

In my state, the powers that be invoke involuntary commitments because of Grave Disability (can't feed or cloth self, wanders into traffic, keeps calling 911....that kind of thing), Danger To Self (suicidal) or Danger to Others (aggressive).

Catch words they are used to hearing are:

Disorganized (that is thinking, not room arrangement...he can't 'get it together' to dress correctly)

 

Tangential (in speech as a reflection of thought)

 

Ideas of Reference (the Peter Paul business)

 

Responding to Internal Stimuli (muttering to self, picking up things that aren't there, laughing inappropriately)

 

Delusional (may be calm but just sure his mother is dead...when she isn't)

 

Paranoid

 

Pressured Speech (yakkity yak syndrome, extreme motor mouth)

 

Labial mood (calm one minute, raging the next)

 

Be prepared to comment on things like not eating, not sleeping, pacing all the time, sexually inappropriate comments. Is he unwashed? Does he have any cuts or abrasions he is neglecting. Are his feet a horror show? Is he not using the bathroom correctly (peeing in the closet).

 

Consider GOING to the crisis unit and having staff with you to tell him he can't come to your house. This is often a bit upsetting and your brother may then "act up" in front of them, even if he has been "holding it together" there in the hopes they'll just send him home on Monday. Just like anyone else, the mentally ill often treat family members differently than strangers....

 

Is this a county crisis bed? He is plugged into the VA? Is that where his doc is? In our area, the VA will take voluntary psych patients.

 

If you really get no where, and you want to start stepping on toes, ask for names of who you deal with, and make it clear you will go to the papers if someone ends up injured. I've done this to get my patient's attention. ("I want your name, because of his wife is dead on Monday, I'm going to the papers.")

 

:grouphug: Just because you can't handle him anymore doesn't mean you don't love him. This happens to families every day. You get caught between a bad disease, a legal system that lets people have the right to wander homeless and ranting, and a state or county that knows how very expensive it is to admit someone to a psych bed. Our acute unit is $770 per day.

[PollyOR]

:grouphug::(:grouphug: