Femininity + Modesty =? (isn't working for us)

[kmacnchs]

I was ready to throw all of my dds dresses out after last night! They could not keep their legs down and were showing their underwear all during Bible Study last night! They were sitting next to an 8yo boy and in front of a 9yo boy. I kept putting their legs down and pulling their dresses down and telling them not to show their underwear but they are toddlers...

 

Just so you know, they only wear dresses that are past knee length so it's not like they're short...I would like for them to be cute and feminine (even though their mom isn't) but MODESTY is most important to me and if I cannot have both, I'll take modesty in a heartbeat.

 

Anyone have any suggestions? All I can think of is shorts under their dresses (but why not just wear shorts and a shirt in that case?) or dresses that are past their calves or to their ankles (which sometimes doesn't even make a difference and are harder to find once you get out of toddler clothes).

 

HELP:tongue_smilie:

[phathui5]

Stretchy or bike shorts underneath.

[orangearrow]

Definitely little bike shorts beneath. They're not bulky enough to make the dress look funny - but definitely help with the modesty issues for active little girlies. :)

[PineFarmMom]

Anyone have any suggestions? All I can think of is shorts under their dresses (but why not just wear shorts and a shirt in that case?) or dresses that are past their calves or to their ankles (which sometimes doesn't even make a difference and are harder to find once you get out of toddler clothes).

 

HELP:tongue_smilie:

 

My suggestion is to not worry so much about it with children that young. As you said, they are toddlers. There is no way humanly possible to expect a toddler to keep their legs down and sit like a lady. And quite honestly, life is too busy to constantly fight that battle. Matching bloomers or shorts, I guess would be a good choice if you want them wearing dresses. I just didn't worry that much about modesty at the ages you are speaking of. I may be thinking differently than you due to church background differences, etc., though so ymmv.

[Veritaserum]

I try to find longer dresses/skirts for my dds that can't seem to master the art of sitting in a dress. ;) Opaque tights or leggings underneath work well. Pretty much all of our more casual skirts have built-in shorts, which is great. I buy most of my girls' clothes from The Children's Place when they do their monster sales and love their skirt+built-in shorts. My oldest dd only wears skirts or dresses on Sunday, but my second dd prefers to wear skirts or dresses every day.'

 

ETA: I don't worry about it with toddlers. Once they are out of diapers and are old enough to understand is when I start teaching about modesty.

[AmyP]

I saw this after following a link in a post yesterday or the day before. I thought it was kind of cute.

 

Amy

[Ashlee]

My oldest dd is such a girly girl and likes to wear dresses ALL the time! I'm ok with it but if we go to a park or somewhere she will be more active, doing flips, ect. then I require her to wear shorts under her dress.

Edited July 27, 2009 by Ashlee

[MOM24WONDERS]

There is another thread about girls clothes and there is a link to this site. The lady makes the cutest little things called skirtys or something like that. They are like pantalets for girls that are a little older.

[Ashlee]

I saw this after following a link in a post yesterday or the day before. I thought it was kind of cute.

 

Amy

 

Aww.. those are adorable! My dd would love them! TFS

[WTMCassandra]

We've done lots of things over the years: leggings, bike shorts, bloomers, tights.

 

My 12yo still wears bloomers under her skirts. As a matter of fact, I still wear bike shorts under mine!

 

Also, I didn't put my girl in dresses only until she was 4 or 5--older and a little better able to handle the skirts. I allowed pants for play before that. Definitely I wouldn't make a girl dresses only until she was walking well. Now, some purists would say that I was a closet liberal for that, but, oh well.

[swellmomma]

Seriously, just relax about it. They are 4 and 21 months, if you truely think they can sit and never lift their dress at those ages you are going to stress yourself out, it is an unrealistic expectation. At that age you have to remind and remind and remind. The 4 yr old will "get it" sooner than the little one but eventually they will stop flashing everyone. My oldest dd just turned 10 and I do have to still remind her from time to time to put her legs down, my youngest is 22 months and I would have to be deluded to think she would sit with her legs down and still at all times when she is in a dress. Not to mention the fact that she is still in diapers and honestly I don't care who sees her diapers, I don't think someone seeing her diaper is making her immodest, it is making her a baby, which she still is. For the 4 year old, tights help cover the panties, or little bike shorts so they are thin enough not to cause bulk under the dress. And like I said just remind them often as it comes up in a matter of fact way that they need to put their legs/dress down.

[kmacnchs]

ETA: I don't worry about it with toddlers. Once they are out of diapers and are old enough to understand is when I start teaching about modesty.

 

Both of my girls are potty-trained...that's where the issue lies...I definitely wouldn't worry about it with diapers :)

[PCA]

My daughter is 7 and wears dresses ALL the time. We put capri length leggings or knit shorts under her dresses. That way she can tumble, hang upside down, do whatever she wants!

[Jean in Wisc]

I made bloomers--here is the pattern.

 

http://friendspatterns.net/catalog.php?category=5

 

My dd liked it when I made them longer and did not add elastic to the bottom leg--sort of like a split skirt. They were just long enough not to stick out of the skirt. I loved them when they were made of eyelet--and then you do not have to hem it. In fact, she is making one for herself right now to go under her new Civil War ball gown!

 

Jean

[WTMCassandra]

Exactly. My daughter climbs trees in dresses and does all sorts of things. Something under the dresses is a *must,* IMO.

[kmacnchs]

We wear shorts underneath, they are little shorts though and not something I allow the girls just to wear as shorts. When they wear shorts and a t-shirt the shorts have to be longer.

 

Great idea! Now I will not feel like all of the shorts that are too short for them will be going to waste! :)

[kmacnchs]

Thanks for all the ideas. I don't want to force them to be tomboys, just because I was...:D

[MicheleinMN]

Another recommendation for putting shorts underneath the dresses. It worked here.

 

HTH

[lighthouseacademy]

I require leggings, bloomers, or tights under dresses. We don't have any bike shorts, but that would be possible too. And, I do remind them to sit like a lady, but I don't stress either. My 5 yr old is wanting to not having to wear something underneath, but I remind her that she sometimes forgets to keep her dress down so she still needs something to keep her modest.

[gardening momma]

Both of my girls are potty-trained...that's where the issue lies...I definitely wouldn't worry about it with diapers :)

Even if they're wearing underwear I wouldn't worry about it yet because they're so young. Mine wear dresses and white tights to church each week. With tights on, there's not much to see if she does sit immodestly. I'm mostly working with my 5 yr old on modesty. I am considering the skirty that was mentioned by previous posters.

[LG Gone Wild]

Skorts...

 

Dd wears nothing but (well, almost). Heck, I wear skorts. We wear shorter skirts. It's hot where we are and I hate being encumbered by fabric. All of our skirts have shorts attached.

[Mommy22alyns]

We always wear shorts or "undie covers" under dresses and skirts. Skorts are also our best friends. I can't expect such young and energetic kids to sit like ladies 100% of the time, so there is always some covering going on.

 

A good option is bike shorts or I also like Monkeybar Buddies. They're basically spandexy (but comfy) short shorts that function like a diaper cover for older girls.

 

Leggings are great under dresses for colder weather. I'm a huge Hanna Andersson fan!

[Jennifer in NH]

Hanna Anderson fan here too! Leggings and bike shorts in fun or matching colors under all my 9 year old's dresses and she is in dresses 80% of the time.

[zaichiki]

We got dd some REALLY inexpensive skirts with cotton shorts attached at Old Navy. I *think* they're called skorts, but maybe not. Do skorts look like shorts in the back? These are skirts all around and fall about an inch above her knee. I don't think I'd like anything much shorter than that. These skirts are actually longer than most shorts kids wear around here. Dd loves them and I never have to worry that she's showing the neighborhood her underwear! (They work well with a t-shirt, but they're also easy to "dress up" a little bit if we need to run out somewhere. I'd let her wear them to church, too.)

[gardening momma]

We got dd some REALLY inexpensive skirts with cotton shorts attached at Old Navy. I *think* they're called skorts, but maybe not. Do skorts look like shorts in the back? These are skirts all around and fall about an inch above her knee.

I looked it up a little while ago because I was curious too. Wikipedia says that a skort is shorts with a panel at the front to make it look like a skirt. The one that is a skirt all the way around with shorts hidden underneath is called something else--can't remember what, it's not something I remember hearing before. Probably why most people call them both skorts.

[mcconnellboys]

What ever happened to frilly bloomers underneath dresses for toddlers? Don't they do those any more? Or what about skorts?

[gardening momma]

What ever happened to frilly bloomers underneath dresses for toddlers? Don't they do those any more?

They only come with the dresses up to a certain size. Then you can get identical dresses, but the toddler and baby sizes (maybe up to 2T?) will have the bloomers, and the larger sizes will not. (MIL bought matching dresses for her 4 granddaughters and just the baby one had the pants)

[dangermom]

I fell in love with skirtys and sewed some myself. They have been a great success. Here's a picture:

 

[AmyP]

I fell in love with skirtys and sewed some myself. They have been a great success.

 

Those are great! And much more economical, I imagine. Thanks for sharing!

 

Amy

[Denisemomof4]

Stretchy or bike shorts underneath.

:iagree:

 

That's exactly what I do so there's no bulk underneath......

 

don't fret - they'll learn.....;)

[Gretchen in NJ]

Both of my girls are potty-trained...that's where the issue lies...I definitely wouldn't worry about it with diapers :)

 

Are we talking about a 3 year old?:confused:

[stephanie]

I did bloomers with their names monogrammed on them. I made it a point with my girlies when they were little that it was important that they didn't show their britches, but didn't stress them about it. We got their bloomers and they got to pick out the color of their names on them. It seem to bring attention to the fact that it was important to keep under their dress private. Of course, there were many days that their dresses were pulled up over their heads too! I think it's just the day-to-day life of being a lady that molds them. My girls now are very individual, but very modest as well. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now though. It may be a battle not worth fighting until they are a bit older!

[Amber in AUS]

Great thread! With my older DD i waited until she was walking for dresses and then once she was out of nappies i waited she was back in shorts until she had an understanding of private parts. Last summer she lived in dresses but always wore shorts & T to the playground. This year my littlest DD is almost completely toilet trained and i had not even considered what to pop under her dresses, she will want to be like her big sis so no luck putting her in shorts this summer. I will have to look for some little shorts/bloomers when out next. Thanks again for the reminder!

[Brenda in FL]

What ever happened to frilly bloomers underneath dresses for toddlers? Don't they do those any more? Or what about skorts?

 

We call them "fancy pants" my mom sews and she made them in all sizes and colors to match dresses, probably up to my daughter being six years old. She still makes them in orange for her Gator cheerleading outfits she wears on Saturdays during the football season!

[Melissa in Australia]

I made pantaloons for my daughter when she was young. they basically are shorts that go to just above the knee, with elastic at the bottom, with lace. I found making them to match the dress good. that way when they are hanging upside down, it matches perfectly with their dress, and you don't notice anything.

my daughter is now 9 and still prefers pantaloons to underwear.

[melissel]

I looked it up a little while ago because I was curious too. Wikipedia says that a skort is shorts with a panel at the front to make it look like a skirt. The one that is a skirt all the way around with shorts hidden underneath is called something else--can't remember what, it's not something I remember hearing before. Probably why most people call them both skorts.

 

This is a bit OT, but AHA! That's why they're called skooters!!! I was mystified by the name, couldn't figure out why they weren't just called skorts. I forgot about the original skorts! Whew, one fewer mystery in my life now :lol: Thanks for asking that question :D

[SquirrellyMama]

We also do shorts under skirts and dresses. My oldest is 8 but I'm never sure when she might decide to do a cartwheel or climb a tree :001_smile:

 

Kelly

[kmacnchs]

Are we talking about a 3 year old?:confused:

 

yes...why? is it bad that she is pottytrained?

[calandalsmom]

My dd wears shorts under her dresses too. she is 4.5. She wears the carter's PJs (from costco) a lot and those little thin shorts are perfect for under everything.

 

That being said I wouldnt worry about modesty with a toddler.

[gardening momma]

yes...why? is it bad that she is pottytrained?

I think she was asking because of the modesty at age 3 issue. She's probably thinking, as I do, not to worry too much at that age.

[Loupelou]

Definitely little bike shorts beneath. They're not bulky enough to make the dress look funny - but definitely help with the modesty issues for active little girlies. :)

:iagree:

 

I found bike shorts at target for $2! They had lots of colors. Also, we like Hanna Andersson dresses with the matching capris and leggings underneath. They can be kind of pricey but they last for years-literally. I bought my eldest dd her first set 7 years ago and they were being worn as pj's the other day by my 4th daughter! Most of the time I buy them off of eBay.

[tricia]

My girls like the bike shorts under them or leggings.:001_smile:

[skaterbabs]

Honestly, I think people take modesty with young children way too far. They're CHILDREN. Insisting on modesty with a two year old is like herding cats, AND unnecessarily sexualizes the child.

 

If your daughter wears dresses and you don't want her underwear showing, she can wear shorts or leggings under the skirt.

[kmacnchs]

Honestly, I think people take modesty with young children way too far. They're CHILDREN. Insisting on modesty with a two year old is like herding cats, AND unnecessarily sexualizes the child.

 

I am thinking of the 8 & 9 yo they were sitting in front of/next to who do not need to be looking at a girl's underwear and I KNOW their mom does not want them doing so...

[skaterbabs]

Then you address that with THEM. At 8 and 9 they are old enough to understand what is and is not appropriate. "It is not appropriate for you to stare at someone else." Period. It doesn't matter WHO they are staring at, WHY, or even what body part. Staring is rude. But putting the onus on a small child to be "modest" so that OTHER PEOPLE do not have to control themselves is wrong, IMO.

[kmacnchs]

Then you address that with THEM. At 8 and 9 they are old enough to understand what is and is not appropriate. "It is not appropriate for you to stare at someone else." Period. It doesn't matter WHO they are staring at, WHY, or even what body part. Staring is rude. But putting the onus on a small child to be "modest" so that OTHER PEOPLE do not have to control themselves is wrong, IMO.

 

I totally agree that it is their responsibility to have their eyes on the appropriate things but that sounds like the same argument teenage girls try to make when they want to wear next to nothing (not their fault if boys' eyes pop out of their heads, they shouldn't be looking)...I think it is girls' jobs to be modest and boys' jobs to keep their thoughts pure...let's not make it any harder on them...

 

I understand your point of how old my girls are and I don't mention the word "modesty" to them because they don't understand it...I am just trying to figure out how to get them from flashing people...whether that means keeping their legs down or just wearing shorts...that was the point of the OP. :D

[gardening momma]

I am just trying to figure out how to get them from flashing people...whether that means keeping their legs down or just wearing shorts...that was the point of the OP. :D

I understand that--mine are flashers too! But your girls are not flashing private parts--their underwear covers them. I'm guessing that the boys realize that these are little girls. They're not peers. They probably appropriately think of them as toddlers/preschoolers. Obviously it's still your perogative to cover them up with skirtys, pantalettes or shorts.

[Kimm in WA]

Haven't read all the other posts, but my daughter wears Hanna Andersson bloomers. She's 9 and has the same pair since she was a toddler, amazingly. When we got them, they nearly came down to her ankles and now they are mid-thigh. They are made out of t-shirt material so they aren't hot or bulky. They are cute, too, if they end up showing b/c there's lace along the bottom. Best thing I've bought for her!

 

Kimm in WA