If your teen/older child babysits..would you be upset?

[mamato4girls]

Both my older girls 14, and 12 babysit in the neighborhood. My 12 dd is actually the more resposnible one, but both girls do a great job. Our neighbor who has 2 small kids started having my 12 dd sit for her here and there for an hour or two. She is very nice, but admits until the last year or so, she was a big partier. Her husband travels a lot for work. I totally understand the need to get out, feel it all the time. BUT.. the last 3 or 4 times my dd has babysat the Mom come home much later than she originally says.

Last night she was to be home by 10, she called my dd and said she would be home @ 12am, never asked me if it was okay, nothing. I think 12am is way to late to be home alone for a 12 yr old. I was so mad.

She has done this several times, saying she will be out till x and call my daughter, never checking with me, and say she will actually be home at y.

I am at the point where I am just going to say no more, but I am crazy to think this?

I just think at 12 a child is a child, you contact the parent not the child, and a 12 yr old should not be home alone. She was only 4 houses down from ours, I would have really been mad, had she been farther.

UPDATING--- Just found out she hasn't even PAID my daughter yet. This also happens A LOT. She will forgot to go to the ATM (at first this wasn't an issue as I usually don't have cash either) but this is all the time now.

 

Thanks for listening.

Edited June 20, 2009 by mamato4girls

[MamaT]

I wouldn't let my dd babysit for this woman anymore. Yes, she should have called you first.

[Dobela]

:iagree:

[Loupelou]

I wouldn't let my dd babysit for this woman anymore. Yes, she should have called you first.

 

:iagree:

 

And let her know why.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

I have two older girls (17 &18) and they have been babysitting for years. This situation would upset me too. I probably would not let my child babysit for her again because she does not seem to understand the developmental level of a 12yo. I find that many parents of only young children tend to see teens and pre-teens as older and more mature than they really are.

 

After some trial and error, we had to set some "babysitting rules" for the families my daughters babysit for.

1) All job scheduling goes through me. (This is no longer true for my 18yo, but definitely was true until she was at least 17)

2) We set the rate. (DH insisted on this)

3) The rate increases if the parents are late. I explain that I need dd to be home at the stated time. I do allow for flexibility when I can, but only when it works with our schedule.

4) My girls do not babysit for kids with fevers, vomiting, diarrhea, or anything else that they might bring home to their younger siblings.

 

I had to set these rules because I started resenting that other moms were controlling my schedule, underpaying my dd's, and sending home illnesses that affected my life for weeks! I now prefer that my girls concentrate on families who are intimately aquainted with us and appreciate the impact that a babysitting job may have on our family.

 

HTH,

Leanna

[Harriet Vane]

Yes, I would be upset.

 

I don't think your dd should babysit for this woman again.

 

I like Leanna's rules a lot.

[Susan in TN]

I have two older girls (17 &18) and they have been babysitting for years. This situation would upset me too. I probably would not let my child babysit for her again because she does not seem to understand the developmental level of a 12yo. I find that many parents of only young children tend to see teens and pre-teens as older and more mature than they really are.

 

After some trial and error, we had to set some "babysitting rules" for the families my daughters babysit for.

1) All job scheduling goes through me. (This is no longer true for my 18yo, but definitely was true until she was at least 17)

2) We set the rate. (DH insisted on this)

3) The rate increases if the parents are late. I explain that I need dd to be home at the stated time. I do allow for flexibility when I can, but only when it works with our schedule.

4) My girls do not babysit for kids with fevers, vomiting, diarrhea, or anything else that they might bring home to their younger siblings.

 

I had to set these rules because I started resenting that other moms were controlling my schedule, underpaying my dd's, and sending home illnesses that affected my life for weeks! I now prefer that my girls concentrate on families who are intimately aquainted with us and appreciate the impact that a babysitting job may have on our family.

 

HTH,

Leanna

 

These are helpful, thanks!

[JFSinIL]

My neighbors stopped doing that the night they came home two hours later than originally agreed on and found ME sitting in a chair reading a book, tired and cranky. I explained that MY KID had to get to bed at a reasonable hour, so their staying out later made ME stay up late (which i do not like to do.) I had switched places with my kid when the original time came and went.

 

It is one thing to take advantage of a kid....folks think twice when they realize YOU will be the one having to cover the extra time!

 

I mean, a half-hour ok, but over an hour? For a young teen? No way.

 

I also pointed out that even if they come back on time... either hubby or self has to wait up for our kid to come home. So please don't be late (we are not night owls!)

[Nestof3]

Definitely cut her off after you explain to her why. It seems staying home is probably best for her right now because it sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.

[2cents]

My neighbors stopped doing that the night they came home two hours later than originally agreed on and found ME sitting in a chair reading a book, tired and cranky. I explained that MY KID had to get to bed at a reasonable hour, so their staying out later made ME stay up late (which i do not like to do.) I had switched places with my kid when the original time came and went.

 

It is one thing to take advantage of a kid....folks think twice when they realize YOU will be the one having to cover the extra time!

 

I mean, a half-hour ok, but over an hour? For a young teen? No way.

 

I also pointed out that even if they come back on time... either hubby or self has to wait up for our kid to come home. So please don't be late (we are not night owls!)

 

I like the way you think! This would nip it in the bud! I'd also charge them the Adult Babysitting Rate for the extra hours too. :D

[Tammy]

Well....she didn't 'ask' you if it was ok because she didn't hire you to babysit....right? I don't see any difference in two more hours of babysitting.....aren't the children they are babysitting in bed? If you think your 12yo is still a child.....why is she working? I think I would let your 12yo stay home.....and let your 14yo make some money..... I used to babysit all the time....at 14 and the parents woudln't come home until 1am or 2am....I would just fall asleep on the couch.....no biggie.

[mamato4girls]

That is a good idea.

My neighbors stopped doing that the night they came home two hours later than originally agreed on and found ME sitting in a chair reading a book, tired and cranky. I explained that MY KID had to get to bed at a reasonable hour, so their staying out later made ME stay up late (which i do not like to do.) I had switched places with my kid when the original time came and went.

 

It is one thing to take advantage of a kid....folks think twice when they realize YOU will be the one having to cover the extra time!

 

I mean, a half-hour ok, but over an hour? For a young teen? No way.

 

I also pointed out that even if they come back on time... either hubby or self has to wait up for our kid to come home. So please don't be late (we are not night owls!)

[momofkhm]

I love Leanna's rules and I love what JFS did as well.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

My neighbors stopped doing that the night they came home two hours later than originally agreed on and found ME sitting in a chair reading a book, tired and cranky. I explained that MY KID had to get to bed at a reasonable hour, so their staying out later made ME stay up late (which i do not like to do.) I had switched places with my kid when the original time came and went.

 

It is one thing to take advantage of a kid....folks think twice when they realize YOU will be the one having to cover the extra time!

 

I mean, a half-hour ok, but over an hour? For a young teen? No way.

 

I also pointed out that even if they come back on time... either hubby or self has to wait up for our kid to come home. So please don't be late (we are not night owls!)

 

Oooooohhhh . . . I like your style!

[Renee in NC]

Well....she didn't 'ask' you if it was ok because she didn't hire you to babysit....right? I don't see any difference in two more hours of babysitting.....aren't the children they are babysitting in bed? If you think your 12yo is still a child.....why is she working? I think I would let your 12yo stay home.....and let your 14yo make some money..... I used to babysit all the time....at 14 and the parents woudln't come home until 1am or 2am....I would just fall asleep on the couch.....no biggie.

 

I agree with Tammy. If my child is old enough to work then she is old enough to make these kind of decisions herself.

 

Maybe if you taught your daughter what you want her to do in a situation like this? For example, "I need to call my mom and ask her if it is okay. I will call you back and let you know." That way you still get to decide, your daughter gets to handle the responsiblity of her own job, and if you say you don't want her out that late, the neighbor knows that she needs to find someone else in the future.

[Peek a Boo]

If the children being babysat are great and the only issue is untimely returns or payment, I wouldn't cut her off. I'd capitalize :)

 

I would follow the rules already posted, insist on payment upfront, and increase rates substantially each time she neglects them.

[Luanne]

who are saying not to let her babysit for her anymore.

 

When I was about 19 or 20 I used to babysit for this couple. Every time they came home he was TOTALLY drunk. Fortunately he went straight down stairs so I didn't have to deal with him. The thing that made me decide not to babysit for them anymore was that I told them I could not stay past midnight because I had to get up the next morning. They still continually stayed out until 2 or 3 am. I gave them an ultimatum and they failed it.

 

It was kind of too bad since I really liked their kids (and the mom).

[DarlaS]

Both my older girls 14, and 12 babysit in the neighborhood. My 12 dd is actually the more resposnible one, but both girls do a great job. Our neighbor who has 2 small kids started having my 12 dd sit for her here and there for an hour or two. She is very nice, but admits until the last year or so, she was a big partier. Her husband travels a lot for work. I totally understand the need to get out, feel it all the time. BUT.. the last 3 or 4 times my dd has babysat the Mom come home much later than she originally says.

Last night she was to be home by 10, she called my dd and said she would be home @ 12am, never asked me if it was okay, nothing. I think 12am is way to late to be home alone for a 12 yr old. I was so mad.

She has done this several times, saying she will be out till x and call my daughter, never checking with me, and say she will actually be home at y.

I am at the point where I am just going to say no more, but I am crazy to think this?

I just think at 12 a child is a child, you contact the parent not the child, and a 12 yr old should not be home alone. She was only 4 houses down from ours, I would have really been mad, had she been farther.

UPDATING--- Just found out she hasn't even PAID my daughter yet. This also happens A LOT. She will forgot to go to the ATM (at first this wasn't an issue as I usually don't have cash either) but this is all the time now.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

First I would tell her she is not babysitting anymore until she is PAID. Then (after she pays) I would tell her your dd has to be home by a certain time and she needs to hire an older sitter for the evenings she may be out late. I would not mention this until she pays up as she may decide it's ok to stiff your dd if she's not going to hire her again anyway.

[DarlaS]

I have two older girls (17 &18) and they have been babysitting for years. This situation would upset me too. I probably would not let my child babysit for her again because she does not seem to understand the developmental level of a 12yo. I find that many parents of only young children tend to see teens and pre-teens as older and more mature than they really are.

 

After some trial and error, we had to set some "babysitting rules" for the families my daughters babysit for.

1) All job scheduling goes through me. (This is no longer true for my 18yo, but definitely was true until she was at least 17)

2) We set the rate. (DH insisted on this)

3) The rate increases if the parents are late. I explain that I need dd to be home at the stated time. I do allow for flexibility when I can, but only when it works with our schedule.

4) My girls do not babysit for kids with fevers, vomiting, diarrhea, or anything else that they might bring home to their younger siblings.

 

I had to set these rules because I started resenting that other moms were controlling my schedule, underpaying my dd's, and sending home illnesses that affected my life for weeks! I now prefer that my girls concentrate on families who are intimately aquainted with us and appreciate the impact that a babysitting job may have on our family.

 

HTH,

Leanna

 

I like your rules and will be copying/pasting them for future reference! lol!

 

Babysitting is one of those jobs where you can pick and choose your employers. Younger sitters often need a little help with the picking/choosing part from someone with a little more life experience (mom).

[Peela]

I would use it to train the 12yo to get clear and business like with someone who is taking advantage of her. No point in getting upset- these things happen all the time. Get her to treat her job professionally and value herself, and that will teach the woman to value her. Have her ask for the money as soon as possible. Perhaps charge extra for "overtime"- time past the hour that has been arranged- in the future (once the money thing is sorted).

And if the woman reacts badly, well, not worth continuing. If its important to her...she will come around. Sometimes people just need a clear boundary-and its a great opportunity to teach a 12yo to be professional about her job.

My kids babysit a lot and if people overstep the boundary, try and take advantage of them - usually, they just aren't thinking because they are wrapped up in their own world- we discuss it and teach them how to handle it.

[Murphy101]

I don't think she should have called you, I think your dd should have said, "No, my mom wants me home by such and such time, so I can't stay for you past the time we agreed on."

 

She didn't hire you, she hired your dd, so dd should handle it. I babysat entire weekends alone at that age, esp in the summer. And I see lots of kids out that late these summer days. (not mine, but obviously most folks don't abide by our standards is all I'm saying)

 

So to me, it's time to sit dd down and talk about the realities of money and business so that she can handle it on her own from now on.

 

#1 clearly state what the business transaction is: certain $ for certain time, both should be clearly stated.

 

#2 you do not keep giving the service until you are paid for past service. if she isn't paid when the job is done, then she doesn't babysit again until she is paid. And no, she will not come over to babysit and get paid for past event and current event.

 

#3 don't mention not babysitting anymore until she is paid up current. otherwise, you probably won't see that money. honestly it wouldn't surprise me if you don't see it anyways.

 

#4 make sure dd tells everyone she knows about the problem she's had with this lady, esp if the lady doesn't pay up. save other girls in the area the same headache. (back when I did this has a kid, all us girls talked about who we sat for and who was worth and who wasn't and who had the kid that bites and who had the fully stocked frig.....;))

 

It stinks that this lady is taking advantage of your dd. But it's a money/business lesson she would have to learn to deal with eventually anyways. chalk it up to school of hard knocks and move on.

 

So I'd stand by her in encouragement and not letting her be taken advantage of, but I'd make dd do it.

[SonshineLearner]

I have to say that I was babysitting at 12 and parents called me. I knew what my parents would say, and whether it was ok to be late or not. Of course, you know this now. I would go down with daughter and explain that your daughter loves these kids and wants to have the opportunity to sit for them, but her time limit is 10pm, with a "half of an hour" Late availability. (And kinda joke about ...of course you can walk down, but then you're looking at an adult watching your children....."that was about $15 an hour last time I looked into it"....) Also, I would just say "Daughter is needing to put her money in the bank, so I'd like it if you plan on running the money over the next day...if you forget it that night. Maybe some tough love the next time she wants her to sit...."Sure, she'd like to sit for you, but I told her that she needs to give me her money for the bank before that happens"

 

Carrie:-)

[Joanne]

Can I gently suggest you separate your feelings about her frequency of outings from the real issue of the business arrangements?

 

I would make getting paid nightly a "deal breaker".

 

Regarding the hours, I would not make the client responsible for getting home because your child needs to be home. Either your 12 can babysit or not. To expect the hiring mom to come home because of your perceiced needs of the 12 year old strikes me as an odd babysitting arrangement.

 

Obviously, I believe that the mom should deal with the person she is hiring; not you.

 

I would, however, consider an "after 11:00" or "after verbal agreement" fee.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Love this idea! I'd tell her ahead of time that if dd isn't home by 10:30, I will take her place (and the rate will go up accordingly). There are very few reasons I would allow my 12yo to stay up until midnight (and babysitting for the neighbor isn't one of those reasons).

[Murphy101]

Regarding the hours, I would not make the client responsible for getting home because your child needs to be home. Either your 12 can babysit or not. To expect the hiring mom to come home because of your perceiced needs of the 12 year old strikes me as an odd babysitting arrangement.

 

Obviously, I believe that the mom should deal with the person she is hiring; not you.

 

hmm I agree and don't agree.

 

I do think the dd should be addressing the problem herself as much as possible.

 

But yes, the client is responsible for getting home because the person she hired is not able/willing to stay past the agreed upon time. The dd saying it's because that's when her mother expect her home really doesn't matter. If dd's mom was okay with her staying out until midnight but dd didn't want to, then the client is still responsible for getting home. The needs of the dd or her mother in this case aren't really important. They don't owe this lady an explaination beyond "I won't be able to stay past the agreed upon time, so you will either need to change your plans and come home or let me know if someone else will be arriving to take my place so you can stay out."

 

It's no different than my babysitting for someone. I expect them to pick up by an agreed time, if they call and say they are staying out later - I am perfectly within my rights to make the client responsible for getting someone else to watch their kid. I'm not required to agree to keep the child after the agreed upon time just because the client wants me to.

 

I wouldn't bother with the extra fee because the lady already isn't paying for the normal agreed amount. I doubt she'll pay the extra fee either.

[Dirtroad]

Stop sitting for her. She is disrespectful and taking advantage of your daughter.

[Anne]

My daughters did LOTS of babysitting while they were growing up. They were good at it, and were popular with both parents and kids. I felt strongly that if they were old enough/responsible enough to babysit, they needed to develop the skills to relate professionally to their clients. One of the reasons they babysat was to develop job skills - which they would not have done if I was dealing with their clients.

 

They knew they could not accept a job unless they checked with me first and they needed to have all of the details at that time. When a client couldn't return home on time, she called my daughter, not me. My daughter called me!

 

My daughters never babysat for anyone we didn't know pretty well, particularly when they were 12.

 

Anyone who habitually came home late, failed to pay, came home drunk, etc., would have been dropped from the "Active Client" list. The first two problems would have been my daughters' to deal with. Drunkeness would have gotten my attention and involvement immediately.

 

Anne

[bkpan]

I don't think she should have called you, I think your dd should have said, "No, my mom wants me home by such and such time, so I can't stay for you past the time we agreed on."

 

She didn't hire you, she hired your dd, so dd should handle it. I babysat entire weekends alone at that age, esp in the summer. And I see lots of kids out that late these summer days. (not mine, but obviously most folks don't abide by our standards is all I'm saying)

 

So to me, it's time to sit dd down and talk about the realities of money and business so that she can handle it on her own from now on.

 

#1 clearly state what the business transaction is: certain $ for certain time, both should be clearly stated.

 

#2 you do not keep giving the service until you are paid for past service. if she isn't paid when the job is done, then she doesn't babysit again until she is paid. And no, she will not come over to babysit and get paid for past event and current event.

 

#3 don't mention not babysitting anymore until she is paid up current. otherwise, you probably won't see that money. honestly it wouldn't surprise me if you don't see it anyways.

 

#4 make sure dd tells everyone she knows about the problem she's had with this lady, esp if the lady doesn't pay up. save other girls in the area the same headache. (back when I did this has a kid, all us girls talked about who we sat for and who was worth and who wasn't and who had the kid that bites and who had the fully stocked frig.....;))

 

It stinks that this lady is taking advantage of your dd. But it's a money/business lesson she would have to learn to deal with eventually anyways. chalk it up to school of hard knocks and move on.

 

So I'd stand by her in encouragement and not letting her be taken advantage of, but I'd make dd do it.

:iagree:

[Melinda TX]

I understand what people are saying with "the daughter should be dealing with it because she is the one who was hired." BUT - many 12yo girls have not developed the skills yet to stand up to this sort of disrespect. If my daughter (same age) runs into an issue, I advise her on the best way I think to handle it, but she is still a minor and under my care. I have no qualms helping her get through the situation as needed. This is still very much a training age for young girls. This isn't dealing with corporate America yet, where adults should be able to completely handle situations on their own.

 

For me, the issue is lack of respect and abuse of the agreement. If a parent says 10, then all efforts should be made to get back by then. And pay the sitter - if she is out another 2 hours, she really doesn't have time to stop and get cash? Really?

 

I couldn't stand babysitting as a teenager. Even as an adult, I got so frustrated providing baby care to someone - they were consistently late, bounced checks, etc., I vowed off that type job. I'm just not wired that way.

[Remudamom]

We don't let our girls babysit. That said, we have watched kiddos for a mom who lives nearby for an afternoon when she's needed help. No pay.

 

This might sound snotty, but my girls have got better things to do, and I wouldn't want them getting sick, missing sleep, in bad situations, whatever. We don't babysit.

[Impish]

I will NEVER understand folks that don't treat their sitters well. EVER. I consider my sitters to be dipped in gold and rolled in diamonds, cause without them, I won't be able to leave the house with my dh for several more years! :lol: Seriously, we make a point of stocking the snack the sitter likes, and if we don't know, Wolf stops on the way from picking up the sitter and goes to the store with the sitter to have her pick out what she wants. We ask what's fair to pay, and we darn well pay it! We've never outstayed our estimate, usually we're home early, lol! I can't imagine not paying our sitter or abusing her that way. Sitters are just way to freakin valuable to mess with!

 

Reminds me. I need another date night. Soon! :lol:

[HeatherInWI]

I agree with Tammy. If my child is old enough to work then she is old enough to make these kind of decisions herself.

 

Maybe if you taught your daughter what you want her to do in a situation like this? For example, "I need to call my mom and ask her if it is okay. I will call you back and let you know." That way you still get to decide, your daughter gets to handle the responsiblity of her own job, and if you say you don't want her out that late, the neighbor knows that she needs to find someone else in the future.

 

:iagree:

[Nestof3]

Can I gently suggest you separate your feelings about her frequency of outings from the real issue of the business arrangements?

 

I would make getting paid nightly a "deal breaker".

 

Regarding the hours, I would not make the client responsible for getting home because your child needs to be home. Either your 12 can babysit or not. To expect the hiring mom to come home because of your perceiced needs of the 12 year old strikes me as an odd babysitting arrangement.

 

Obviously, I believe that the mom should deal with the person she is hiring; not you.

 

I would, however, consider an "after 11:00" or "after verbal agreement" fee.

 

I do agree with you, Joanne. My only issue is that if this lady were hiring an adult to do the babysitting, she would probably have to pay more to get a late-night sitter. Often people hire young teens to do things because they pay less, and I feel this often leads to an element of disrespect toward the young teen.

 

This happens with my husband's lawn business. We've had neighbors who won't hire my husband to mow their lawn b/c my husband has a business and has to charge a certain fee, etc. Instead, they'll ask my son in hopes of getting the local lawnboy rate. Sometimes the parent has to be the advocate, or often the teen needs to learn to be his own advocate.

 

My sense about the mom is that she is immature and would probably receive her info better from an adult.

[mamato4girls]

I agree! I do think my dd needs to speak up a bit, but she is also only 12! Someone else mentioned how well they treat their sitters, and just about bend over backward for them. Because without them you wouldn't be able to go anywhere.

I guess the difference here is that this woman has always gone directly to my dd and not even at first did she speak to me about sitting. With my 14 yrold the parent always called me before she ever even started sitting with them, went over "rules", etc. Then would contact either my dd or myself for an actual sitting job.

This lady never did that, which is probably where this all went wrong. I never set the ground rules up front.

 

 

I understand what people are saying with "the daughter should be dealing with it because she is the one who was hired." BUT - many 12yo girls have not developed the skills yet to stand up to this sort of disrespect. If my daughter (same age) runs into an issue, I advise her on the best way I think to handle it, but she is still a minor and under my care. I have no qualms helping her get through the situation as needed. This is still very much a training age for young girls. This isn't dealing with corporate America yet, where adults should be able to completely handle situations on their own.

 

For me, the issue is lack of respect and abuse of the agreement. If a parent says 10, then all efforts should be made to get back by then. And pay the sitter - if she is out another 2 hours, she really doesn't have time to stop and get cash? Really?

 

I couldn't stand babysitting as a teenager. Even as an adult, I got so frustrated providing baby care to someone - they were consistently late, bounced checks, etc., I vowed off that type job. I'm just not wired that way.

[fivetails]

 

Regarding the hours, I would not make the client responsible for getting home because your child needs to be home. Either your 12 can babysit or not. To expect the hiring mom to come home because of your perceiced needs of the 12 year old strikes me as an odd babysitting arrangement..

 

eh?

 

I don't understand this.. the client certainly *is* responsible for getting home at the previously agreed upon time. 10pm is 10pm, not midnight.

 

"the last 3 or 4 times my dd has babysat the Mom come home much later than she originally says. "

 

If you are hired to work a 7-3 shift at a store, is your boss not responsible for making sure you can leave at 3? (By whatever means - having another worker arrive, doing the work him/herself, whatever. YOU are done at 3.)

 

I don't think she expects the client to be home because of her "perceived needs" of her daughter. I think she wants the client home at the time she SAID she would be there. So would I - as a Mum of a 12 year old and as frequent babysitter myself.

 

I really don't think this is a case of 'can the daughter babysit or not' -- I think it's a case of 'lady needs to get her butt home when she said she would.' :)

 

(Or she needs to change how she hires the sitter - hire a sitter who has agreed to work until 12am. )

[Murphy101]

I agree! I do think my dd needs to speak up a bit, but she is also only 12!

 

I guess the difference here is that this woman has always gone directly to my dd and not even at first did she speak to me about sitting.

 

No one is saying that you should cut her loose to sink or swim. No, what *I* said was that you need to sit her down and tell her how this should be handled and then support her while she does that as best she can on her own. Because she is 12, she will need you to give information and guidance on how to handle this, but she should be able to handle it on her own after that.

 

If this mom gets snoty or hateful or badgering to your dd, then I'd quietly step in and say my daughter no longer has the time to babysit for her anymore. Because 12 is too young to handle an angry/hostile adult without adult backup.

 

I can't think of a single time I've ever gone to the parent for a service I'm hiring their kid for. In fact, I wouldn't hire a person if I had to do that. I wouldn't feel they were capable of handling things on their own. The one time I had a teen babysit my kids, she had some problems and called her mom about how to deal with it I was royal ticked off. If she had a problem with MY kid, she should have called ME, my kids's mother. I didn't mind her calling her mom per se. That didn't bother me at all. But I was ticked off that there was an issue with my kid and I wasn't called pronto. I'd made it extremely clear that I expected to be called if she had the slightest of problems and that it wouldn't bother me and she didn't do it.

 

As a teen, I never remember ever having a client speak to my parents first or even at all. I was the one doing the job and I decided how it was going to be.

 

Oh scratch that, ONCE a neighbor spoke to my mom about having me babysit for them, my mom said sure, and we had a huge argument because she committed me to it and I absolutely wouldn't do it. (That fams 5 yr old was a nightmare kid and they couldn't pay me enough to watch him!)

 

eh?

 

I don't understand this.. the client certainly *is* responsible for getting home at the previously agreed upon time. 10pm is 10pm, not midnight.

 

"the last 3 or 4 times my dd has babysat the Mom come home much later than she originally says. "

 

If you are hired to work a 7-3 shift at a store, is your boss not responsible for making sure you can leave at 3? (By whatever means - having another worker arrive, doing the work him/herself, whatever. YOU are done at 3.)

 

I don't think she expects the client to be home because of her "perceived needs" of her daughter. I think she wants the client home at the time she SAID she would be there. So would I - as a Mum of a 12 year old and as frequent babysitter myself.

 

I really don't think this is a case of 'can the daughter babysit or not' -- I think it's a case of 'lady needs to get her butt home when she said she would.' :)

 

(Or she needs to change how she hires the sitter - hire a sitter who has agreed to work until 12am. )

 

:iagree: I didn't understand that either. Of course they are responsible for getting home!

[fivetails]

 

I can't think of a single time I've ever gone to the parent for a service I'm hiring their kid for. In fact, I wouldn't hire a person if I had to do that.

 

Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm reading what you're actually saying - would you speak to the parents *at all* ? See, I wouldn't allow my dd12 to babysit for someone who only approached her and didn't want to have any conversation about it with me.... I'm not saying that speaking to her FIRST would be a problem, but I would want to talk with the client myself before ever allowing her to go babysit there. Now, if she was older - perhaps 16+ - I wouldn't be quite so adamant about that... but at 12? Yep. I want to speak to the parent(s) who are hiring her. I want to clarify the situation & expectations, get a 'feel' for the family, make sure that the client gave dd12 all the important details (she's 12 and learning - there are things she may forget to ask)... stuff like that.

 

It doesn't just give *me* the information that I want - it also lets the client know that her sitter has a Mum who is paying attention... I think that's a good thing. ;)

[TravelingChris]

If you are hired to work a 7-3 shift at a store, is your boss not responsible for making sure you can leave at 3? (By whatever means - having another worker arrive, doing the work him/herself, whatever. YOU are done at 3.)

 

I don't think she expects the client to be home because of her "perceived needs" of her daughter. I think she wants the client home at the time she SAID she would be there. So would I - as a Mum of a 12 year old and as frequent babysitter myself.

 

I really don't think this is a case of 'can the daughter babysit or not' -- I think it's a case of 'lady needs to get her butt home when she said she would.' :)

:iagree:

 

and I also agree with the statement that with a 12yo, you need to know or meet the parents. I babysat once I was around 12. I never had to deal with overly late parents and I just wouldn't have sat for them even when I was in college. Because even when I was in college, I had a life to live including going to classes, going to a second job, etc, etc.

 

I soon will be going through all this myself since I am going to have my youngest take the Red cross babysitting course and then she can sit. SInce she likes kids, I think it will work well.

[Renee in NC]

Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm reading what you're actually saying - would you speak to the parents *at all* ? See, I wouldn't allow my dd12 to babysit for someone who only approached her and didn't want to have any conversation about it with me.... I'm not saying that speaking to her FIRST would be a problem, but I would want to talk with the client myself before ever allowing her to go babysit there. Now, if she was older - perhaps 16+ - I wouldn't be quite so adamant about that... but at 12? Yep. I want to speak to the parent(s) who are hiring her. I want to clarify the situation & expectations, get a 'feel' for the family, make sure that the client gave dd12 all the important details (she's 12 and learning - there are things she may forget to ask)... stuff like that.

 

It doesn't just give *me* the information that I want - it also lets the client know that her sitter has a Mum who is paying attention... I think that's a good thing. ;)

 

Huh. I didn't realize that this is the way it worked. Last year, I was looking for someone to come to our store and supervise my 4 youngest children while I worked. I advertised first on a local homeschool email loop. I got a couple of answers, but one stuck out.

 

A mother emailed me to say that she had 16yo and 18yo daughters who might be available. She proceeded to tell me that she needed to meet with me and see where they would be working to determine whether it would be a good fit for them. The whole email left me feeling like she was going to interview *me*!

 

I just told her it didn't sound like a good fit - I was looking for an employee, not a favor (in less direct words.) Reading your post makes me understand a little more why she responded that way. It wouldn't have changed my feelings about it, but it would have made me less baffled.

 

I wouldn't hire a 12yo to babysit, but I have 5 children 8 and under and my own 11yo.

[Nestof3]

Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm reading what you're actually saying - would you speak to the parents *at all* ? See, I wouldn't allow my dd12 to babysit for someone who only approached her and didn't want to have any conversation about it with me.... I'm not saying that speaking to her FIRST would be a problem, but I would want to talk with the client myself before ever allowing her to go babysit there. Now, if she was older - perhaps 16+ - I wouldn't be quite so adamant about that... but at 12? Yep. I want to speak to the parent(s) who are hiring her. I want to clarify the situation & expectations, get a 'feel' for the family, make sure that the client gave dd12 all the important details (she's 12 and learning - there are things she may forget to ask)... stuff like that.

 

It doesn't just give *me* the information that I want - it also lets the client know that her sitter has a Mum who is paying attention... I think that's a good thing. ;)

 

I totally agree with you. I wonder if it would be different if the parent asking a 12 year old to babysit were a single father?

[Nestof3]

Huh. I didn't realize that this is the way it worked. Last year, I was looking for someone to come to our store and supervise my 4 youngest children while I worked. I advertised first on a local homeschool email loop. I got a couple of answers, but one stuck out.

 

A mother emailed me to say that she had 16yo and 18yo daughters who might be available. She proceeded to tell me that she needed to meet with me and see where they would be working to determine whether it would be a good fit for them. The whole email left me feeling like she was going to interview *me*!

 

I just told her it didn't sound like a good fit - I was looking for an employee, not a favor (in less direct words.) Reading your post makes me understand a little more why she responded that way. It wouldn't have changed my feelings about it, but it would have made me less baffled.

 

I wouldn't hire a 12yo to babysit, but I have 5 children 8 and under and my own 11yo.

 

Well, when I was about 14, a man who lived next door asked me to babysit his baby. I cannot remember where his wife was, but she was not in town to say the least. I asked if my friend, who also lived in the cul de sac, could babysit with me and we would split the money.

 

So, it was night-time, and we had been baysitting for a couple of hours. The baby was in the crib the whole time. The phone rang, and it was the man (dad). I looked across the greenbelt (the area between the back of the houses and the street) and saw him talking on the pay phone at the Hop In (7-11 type store). He said he was still at the party but would be leaving soon.

 

Huh? He lied about where he was.

 

When he arrived home, we could tell he had been drinking. We promptly got up to leave, and he encouraged us to stay a while. Needless to say, we did not.

 

My point, I really wish my parents had gotten to know the man better before just saying "yes" to a babysitting job. I was mature at 14, in fact I was babysitting a newborn at 10/11 years old. I lived next door to the family.

 

But, there are still good precautions to take in regard to our children.

[Murphy101]

Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm reading what you're actually saying - would you speak to the parents *at all* ? See, I wouldn't allow my dd12 to babysit for someone who only approached her and didn't want to have any conversation about it with me....

It doesn't just give *me* the information that I want - it also lets the client know that her sitter has a Mum who is paying attention... I think that's a good thing. ;)

 

well now, I didn't say I wouldn't talk to them if they called to simply verify who I was and where I was. But *I* think if the 12 yr old isn't old enough to go solo - they aren't old enough to go - period.

 

So no, if my kid was making money babysitting, I'd want to know the details, but I would expect my kid to be the one to give them to me.

 

The whole email left me feeling like she was going to interview *me*!

 

I just told her it didn't sound like a good fit - I was looking for an employee, not a favor (in less direct words.) Reading your post makes me understand a little more why she responded that way. It wouldn't have changed my feelings about it, but it would have made me less baffled.

 

I wouldn't hire a 12yo to babysit, but I have 5 children 8 and under and my own 11yo.

 

:iagree:Exactly my sentiments. That and for my kids under 13 - I have a 2 kid rule on pretty much everything. It is rare for me to permit much of anything solo before they are teens. The buddy system for life is how I hope they all view their siblings for many years to come.;)

[Guest Katia]

eh?

 

I don't understand this.. the client certainly *is* responsible for getting home at the previously agreed upon time. 10pm is 10pm, not midnight.

 

"the last 3 or 4 times my dd has babysat the Mom come home much later than she originally says. "

 

If you are hired to work a 7-3 shift at a store, is your boss not responsible for making sure you can leave at 3? (By whatever means - having another worker arrive, doing the work him/herself, whatever. YOU are done at 3.)

 

I don't think she expects the client to be home because of her "perceived needs" of her daughter. I think she wants the client home at the time she SAID she would be there. So would I - as a Mum of a 12 year old and as frequent babysitter myself.

 

I really don't think this is a case of 'can the daughter babysit or not' -- I think it's a case of 'lady needs to get her butt home when she said she would.' :)

 

(Or she needs to change how she hires the sitter - hire a sitter who has agreed to work until 12am. )

 

:iagree: This is so correct and such a good analogy.

 

As someone who started babysitting at 10yo, it is simply amazing to me to read so many of these responses. Babysitting must have changed a LOT since I did it.

 

Before I was 17yo, clients always, ALWAYS came to my parents FIRST and asked if I babysat; what was my experience; what were their rules for me regarding babysitting and would it be ok for them to ask me to babysit for them.

 

IF my parents gave them the 'ok' and all rules were 'ok' with clients, THEN clients would call me and set up babysitting times/days, etc. After that first time of talking with my parents, clients only called me (unless I was not home and then mom would take the message of day/time and have me call clients back to confirm), and then I would check with my parents to see if that day/time was alright with them and then confirm with the clients.

 

Minors are just that: minors. Parents are responsible for them AT ALL TIMES and in all circumstances. I can not even begin to comprehend that someone would want to hire a minor child without that child's parent's input and/or rules for said child. Or that someone with a minor child would want them deciding for themselves where they will be going and who they will be working for. Does not compute.

 

And as for the staying out later than the agreed upon time: This needs to be addressed parent-to-parent. But I will say that the babysitter should never, ever be there so late that they fall asleep. As a sitter, my job was to watch those children, even if those children were in bed asleep, until the parents returned. Amazing how many times children will wake up before their parent's return and need the sitter to be awake and alert. Teens are not wired to hear children that need them when they are asleep; the teens need to be awake.

[Susan in TX]

Oh, that's a big no-no in my book. When I was in high school and college I did a lot of babysitting and I would not babysit again for parents who came home late unless they had a very good reason.

 

Susan in TX