I will probably regret posting this...

[AnotherE]

I don't want to be whiny. I don't want to post only to complain. I am a lurker most of the time, I don't contribute enough to be a true contributor, but since I've spoken up today I'm going to keep the momentum.

 

I don't have homeschooling friends. I belong to a homeschooling group, but they are made up of mostly unschoolers who have a different plan for educating their children. This is the place I come to -every day- to see people on the same educational path. Your experiences, your curriculum choices and reviews, your schedules, and your plans are invaluable to me.

 

But many times I don't feel welcome here. I keep quiet (until I can't stand it!) because my views are in opposition with the majority. And many in the majority are quite vocal in their condemnation. The "I hate feminists" followed by the "I agree"s brought this to a head for me. There is lip-service paid to learning from those you disagree with, but the out-and-out slamming of those with differing opinions speaks loudly. I thought (hoped) this would end with the elections, but it hasn't and has become more pronounced in the last few weeks.

 

I don't expect board dynamics to change because one lurker voices an opinion, but I did want to show how words can make someone feel unwelcome- that they have the power to chase someone away. Some of us don't have a supportive homeschooling community where we live and we need this place to feel inclusive. We need a place to belong.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Ria]

One of our posters had the best advice years ago....get some rhino skin. LOL (thanks, Peek!). It's not easy, I know.

 

As I said in an earlier thread, I enjoy the diversity here. I will say that 8 years ago there was more of a spirit of discussion on these boards. We had wonderful conversations and actually learned to see others' points of view. It was grand.

 

Like you, I didn't know anyone who was homeschooling their kids for the same reasons I was (academic excellence). I was more intense. I think I scared them.

 

I'm no longer homeschooling. After 15 years and twins in college, I put my younger four sons in public school last Feb. So, you see, I don't fit the mold here, either. And, several posters have pointed out that perhaps I don't belong here anymore since I'm no longer homeschooling. Maybe not, but I have friends here, and enjoy the conversation when it's productive.

 

Ria

[Pink Fairy]

If you've been lurking for a while then you've probably noticed that this is a complaint voiced on a regular basis by those on both sides of the political spectrum. It is what it is, though. No matter what the PTB do, someone is going to feel left out, unwelcome, unhappy. :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

Suppose instead of getting upset, you consider that the anti-feminists probably don't have much of an understanding of the history of feminism. I'm not sure it's possible to be against early feminism and what it stood for. I'm not surprised women speak against the popular modern media portrayal. It's ridiculous or impossible, or both.

 

:)

Rosie- definitely a feminist

[MIch elle]

The board has been hot lately. Do what I do - only visit the curriculum forums and leave this particular forum to the "I'm bored and don't have anything else to do today, so I think I'll play around on the internet" kind of days. :D

 

:iagree:

 

I haven't noticed that it's HOT here because I view posts selectively on the general board. I spend most of my time on the K-12 curr. board.

 

Be careful what you read here and you'll be much happier! :grouphug::grouphug:

[Erica in PA]

I keep quiet (until I can't stand it!) because my views are in opposition with the majority. And many in the majority are quite vocal in their condemnation. The "I hate feminists" followed by the "I agree"s brought this to a head for me. There is lip-service paid to learning from those you disagree with, but the out-and-out slamming of those with differing opinions speaks loudly. I thought (hoped) this would end with the elections, but it hasn't and has become more pronounced in the last few weeks.

 

 

 

You know, I think many of us feel that way, regardless of our political or other views. You might view someone with my viewpoints as being in the majority here, but it doesn't feel like that to me. I think everyone has probably experienced correction, rebuke, sarcasm, unkindness, here on this board, just like in real life. I do think the moderators do a good job of deleting truly personal attacks, and I haven't seen any real attacks go undeleted here. I think when it's our own ideology being targeted, it stands out to us more. I know that's true of me. From my perspective, I feel that I have to choose my words very carefully, and edit myself very closely to avoid causing unnecessary offense-- so I don't believe that any particular group is getting a free pass here.

[HollyinNNV]

Suppose instead of getting upset, you consider that the anti-feminists probably don't have much of an understanding of the history of feminism. I'm not sure it's possible to be against early feminism and what it stood for. I'm not surprised women speak against the popular modern media portrayal. It's ridiculous or impossible, or both.

 

:)

Rosie- definitely a feminist

 

 

Rosie,

The poster is feeling like the board is heated and people with different views are attacked. I find it ironic that you chose this particular thread to label "anti-feminists" as uninformed or stupid.

 

Definition:

Ad Hominem Attack: This is the best logical fallacy, and if you disagree with me, well, you’re an idiot.

Holly

Edited April 28, 2009 by HollyinNNV

[camibami]

I am probably similar to you, I think.

 

But I have the opposite viewpoint- I don't mind feeling "unwelcome".

 

I mean, I wouldn't mind a bit having knock-down-drag-outs on political subjects, hot topics, religion (or the lack thereof) etc. I don't care if people disagree/are not like me. I *do* mind never being allowed to defend those positions. That, I mind.

 

I would feel more welcome if the PTB allowed those of us not like the other (like from Sesame Street!:D) to have a say. Or at least defend whatever dearly held belief is the whipping horse du jour. But when that happens- poof- thread is gone.

 

I imagine this one will be soon, too. But honestly, I hope "they" read it. Because I mean this so sincerly- this everybody-be-friends crap is not working. Only the minority of opinions ever get shut down. Is that *really* the face this homeschooling method wants to put on for the interwebs??

[Susan Wise Bauer]

If you've been lurking for a while then you've probably noticed that this is a complaint voiced on a regular basis by those on both sides of the political spectrum. It is what it is, though. No matter what the PTB do, someone is going to feel left out, unwelcome, unhappy. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

If people who feel strongly on both sides of various issues would speak their minds with clarity and grace, while simultaneously deciding to ignore ill-considered responses, the board would be better off.

 

SWB

[Ohdanigirl]

Don't take it so personally, I am feminist some ways and hate some types of Feminism. This in no way means I can't be friends with you or just hold a nice conversation. I think you would be surprised how willing the people on this board would be to hear your ideas/opinions/beliefs/ or disagreements with somethng that is said as long as it's communicated in a respectful way. Some might have a hard time understanding, but we are here to learn from each other. None of us are 100% right 100% of the time, aside from myself (ha ha).

 

May I suggest not holding it in until you can no longer stand it. Hold a discussion. If you feel you need to give your reason for thinking the way you do, and accept other people's reasons as well. Before ever getting too upset, think about it. Could you be taking it the wrong way? Could this person mis-understand the issue or have a personal reason for their beliefs that you are unaware of. Could the commentator just be a bit lively or hot under the collar at the moment? Then if you feel it's worth it speak up, we may all learn something.

 

Ria, since you chirldren are no longer homeschooling does that make you advice less valuable? If so I need to go back and change a few things, because I myself have found a lot of wisdom in many of your posts.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I have to agree with this. I've sometimes encountered categorically emphatical statements that I totally disagree with. I've also found that I self-censor a bit more frequently than I'd like to have to. My views would probably be in what you consider the "majority" although I could point to a number of threads that made me very uncomfortable and feeling that my views and standards were being judged.

 

I am doing my best to stick to the homeschooling related threads. I think it helped when I realized that there are thousands of members of this forum and often 100-200 online this board during the day (US time). But I think that much of the back and forth on any individual thread is between a much smaller subset of posters. In other words, the views expressed in any given thread may not at all represent the views of the bulk of the board.

 

DH likes to say that it is the difference between a public outcry and an outcry in public.

 

Now if I could just figure out how to get only the threads I care about to post at the top instead of the threads someone else cares about . . .

[Sharon H in IL]

ThatGirl, this is a common phenomenon on discussion boards. The tone and mood swing wildly if the group is large, and this one is very, very large.

 

You're in the minority today, tomorrow you'll be the Queen Bee (heh heh). And so it goes.

 

Take a long view, is my advice. And ask Peek for the pattern so you can sew yourself a Rhino suit. Hers fits perfectly, and looks kinda like Catwoman. Rather fetching, actually.

[Tree House Academy]

:iagree:

 

If people who feel strongly on both sides of various issues would speak their minds with clarity and grace, while simultaneously deciding to ignore ill-considered responses, the board would be better off.

 

SWB

 

Absolutely! Pick your battles, I say. And even if a whole slew of people say, "I agree," oh well...then you know the ones you may be least likely to jive with. However, with the sheer number of posters on this board, that leaves PLENTY of people you WOULD jive with.

 

I ignore a lot of posts here because I am prone to start getting mouthy if I jump in and really feel strongly for something. Most of the time, when a thread has 8 pages on something that seems mundane, I skip it. It has obviously overheated.

[Susan Wise Bauer]

Oh, wait, I forgot to also say that I want World Peace.

 

SWB

[AnotherE]

Thanks for being gentle with me.

 

I completely understand the differing viewpoints, and I appreciate a place that is not homogenous. It is the attack against the person, not the idea, that has me a bit riled. I love exchanging thoughts and views- I am a Christian with mostly atheist friends. We have fantastic conversations but that is because we don't attack eachother personally. We may not agree, but we do respect.

 

And that was what I was addressing. I do normally try to stick to the curriculum boards, but I enjoy seeing what day-to-day life is around here, too. I want to feel connected! And I don't think the answer needs to be to just ignore the general forum.

[Alice]

Sorry you feel unwelcome. I think sometimes it's not that the majority of people feel one way, but that a vocal group does. Once a few people post "I agree" it's harder for people to respond the other way. Well, for some people it's not hard, but I think for a lot of people it is. You end up feeling like the lone dissenter. Also, a lot of times I'll read a post and totally disagree but just not have the time or want to put in the energy right then to posting a reply.

 

I've noticed many posts from people all over the spectrum who don't feel like they fit in. Maybe that's the one thing we all have in common. :)

[Mommy22alyns]

ThatGirl, this is a common phenomenon on discussion boards. The tone and mood swing wildly if the group is large, and this one is very, very large.

 

You're in the minority today, tomorrow you'll be the Queen Bee (heh heh). And so it goes.

 

 

 

Yep. Some days, you just have to step away and let it all blow over. :)

[mommaduck]

Also, we sway back and forth over "whose louder". But all and all, I've seen it slowly come to pretty reasonable discussions as of late (given our human tendencies). Yes, every side (and there are more than just 2 ;) ) voices their opinions. Some of those opinions are naturally offense to others, but they are HONEST rather than just catering to everyone. I prefer honesty even if I don't like hearing it. We slowly learn what the views are, why the views are, and teach each other where we may be inaccurate or at least broadbrushing the other side/s. Conversational debate is also how many learn. There are places online where they insist we "leave your faith at the door". That is very difficult as a person's belief system (even atheism and agnosticism) is a part of who they are and their identity. We change as we learn and grown. I really appreciate this board. Sometimes I find myself in the boat with those of my own faith, sometimes I find that I agree or at least understand better those of a different faith, and even have found myself defending others that are similar but different. Online conversation has to be balanced with both grace and a slightly thicker skin. Personally, you disagree, JUMP IN! Tell us WHY.

[kalanamak]

 

:)

Rosie- definitely a feminist

 

Well, I'll see you and raise you. I'm not a feminist or a masculinist. I am a humanist, and that is probably a minority here, too.

:):)

[Marylou]

SWB said it perfectly.

 

And I will add that I've only been here a few months, and my first impressions were (are)-- these folks are pretty juvenile in how they express themselves. I am very intrigued by the thread topics, there are some great discussions here, but the tone which several posters use to convey their thoughts really surprises me.

 

After being here and reading for a while I am a true believer that people will write very differently (tone/adjectives used, etc.) on a forum than they would speak aloud in a public discussion.

 

And I also know that if I don't like what I see (like on the playground years ago) I can go somewhere else.

 

Thanks, OP, for sharing your thoughts.

[NorthwestMom]

I'd call myself a liberal, atheist, humanist too. I just don't participate in the religious and/or conservative *angry* threads.

[LaxMom]

The rhino skin helps. I also confine myself to the curriculum board when I need a break from hot topics making me crazy. I rather enjoy a heated debate, but only when it is intelligent discourse pursued passionately. Once the mud slinging starts, I lose interest.

 

I am fortunate to have a wonderful, educationally diverse homeschooling community in real life. I honestly can't imagine not having live humans to bounce some of this crazy off, and everyone, from School-in-a-Box-Mom, to Radical-Unschooler-Mom seem to genuinely enjoy hearing about each other's points of view and learning from one another's experiences. Everyone seems to "get" that homeschooling is not a one-size-fits-all affair.

 

My board experience is similar to your IRL experience: I used to post quite a bit on a natural parenting board that has a homeschooling forum. There was a large unschooling population there who would make nasty, sweeping generalizations about anyone who used curriculum, or even dared to "coerce" their children by suggesting topics that may be of interest. And, yes, the slamming did interfere with what could have been good conversation.

 

The nice thing here is that you do have the option of utilizing an "ignore" list, if you notice that it is a couple of posters in particular that are the ones whose comments bother you. :001_smile:

[i.love.lucy]

I tend to avoid those "overheated" threads myself because I dislike confrontation. I tend to get my feelings hurt.

 

I remember one time I was lurking on board about a particular vacation destination and the general threads were filled with "please pray about this..." so I naively thought I was amongst like minded folks - ya know... Christians. So I posted a *warning* about an upcoming movie that had content that was disagreeable possibly to said Christian mindset. Oh. my. The thread turned in to about 15 pages of flames against censoring movies and books, book banning, book burning, losing freedoms - like freedom of speech and freedom to make a movie that has whatever content and intention you want. :blink: Talk about feeling unwelcome. BUT, it was my own fault. I assumed that everyone would agree with me and so instead of querying about the content of the movie and would people find it concerning, I ASS-U-ME-D. Lesson. Learned.

 

I agree that sometimes it's best to avoid certain threads, but more often than not respectful responses are sought. I haven't been around long though and don't poke my head in where it doesn't belong! ;)

 

 

 

 

Oh, yeah, I want World Peace too.

[Susan Wise Bauer]

In all seriousness, I think the two are connected... or at least that I can't imagine us achieving world peace without first learning to communicate with clarity and grace...

 

I couldn't agree more. Well said.

 

SWB

[Ohdanigirl]

I'd call myself a liberal, atheist, humanist too. I just don't participate in the religious and/or conservative *angry* threads.

 

Well said, bravo. Once a thread turns angry, walk away. Don't let it ruin you day or make you feel unwelcome. It seems to me there are a lot of people here who want to welcome you.:D And if you don't feel better yet, wel:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: and :grouphug:.

[Rosie_0801]

Rosie,

The poster is feeling like the board is heated and people with different views are attacked. I find it ironic that you chose this particular thread to label "anti-feminists" as uninformed or stupid.

 

Definition:

Ad Hominem Attack: This is the best logical fallacy, and if you disagree with me, well, you’re an idiot.

Holly

 

 

If it matters, I've had virtually no sleep for what feels like forever so my powers of rhetoric aren't exactly running well. I was not trying to label anti-feminists as stupid and the rest of my post was supposed to demonstrate that. To suggest someone is uninformed is not necessarily a slur. Everyone is uninformed about some things. Uninformed does not equal idiot, as I'm sure you understand. Just like I'm sure you aren't suggesting I'm an idiot. I was trying to suggest to the OP that when someone disagrees with her on the subject of feminism, it could well be that they are operating from a different definition of feminism.

 

Virtual communication can be so hard sometimes - and since we can't see or hear each other, we can't give (or receive) the physical or vocal cues that might soften otherwise harsh seeming words.

 

...but if we can't learn to communicate in such a relatively safe space with so little at stake, then I fear for our future.

 

What she's saying, huh? We might as well assume the best rather than the worst, since people around here are not generally out to bash anyone, but posting before one's morning coffee is quite normal. And "yeah" to what Eliana's saying too. :) Thanks Eliana. I'm probably that eloquent when I'm not sleep deprived, but I haven't had a chance to find out for sure in quite a long time, lol.

 

Well, I'll see you and raise you. I'm not a feminist or a masculinist. I am a humanist, and that is probably a minority here, too.

:):)

 

If feminist+masculinist=humanist, then we're using different words for the same idea :)

 

Rosie- wishing she drank coffee, since it'd probably help...

Edited April 28, 2009 by Rosie_0801

[Hillary in KS]

I don't mind disagreements. I really don't.

 

What I hate are the posts THAT COME FROM BOTH SIDES OF AN ARGUMENT that imply that only right-thinking people think _____. Or only smart people think ________. If you don't think or support _______ then you are clearly stupid, or incompetent, or an idiot.

For Example:

I like some things that Spy Car has to say. I like some things that Peek- A-Boo has to say. (Note: I *only* picked those two posters because they were the first two who came to mind who often have differing viewpoints.) I think they both have valid points to make. But not when they post snide, snarky comments designed to make the other look stupid. (Note again: they don't always to this. Nor are they the only ones.)

 

We are all intelligent people here. If you have a differing viewpoint on religion, politics, sociology, or math curriculum, I assume you have a reason behind your choice. It may not be what *I* have chosen for myself. I may disagree and think you're wrong. But I will not label or make you feel stupid, ill-informed, or brainwashed because you've chosen it.

 

To the OP: No matter which side of that feminist thread you were on, there were people who posted the opposite of what you think. Don't feel that because some people had differing viewpoints you're not welcome. Just learn to stay out of those thread which may contain viewpoints you don't want to read.

 

The best thing that has come from the threads that have been shut down is the growth of my ignore list. If you repeatedly put others down, support your arguments with comments such as "clearly you don't know what you're talking about, or else you'd have agreed with me," or insert smug judgements into a decent conversation for the sole purpose of stirring the pot, then CONGRATULATIONS! You've likely made it onto my ignore list.

 

The ignore list is the best way I've found to keep my blood pressure down and not completely lose respect for some of the posters on this board.

Edited April 29, 2009 by Hillary in KS

[OnTheBrink]

I don't mind disagreements. I really don't.

 

What I hate are the posts THAT COME FROM BOTH SIDES OF AN ARGUMENT that imply that only right-thinking people think _____. Or only smart people think ________. If you don't think or support _______ then you are clearly stupid, or incompetent, or an idiot.

For Example:

I like some things that Spy Car has to say. I like some things that Peek- A-Boo has to say. (Note: I *only* picked those two posters because they were the first two who came to mind who often have differing viewpoints.) I think they both have valid points to make. But not when they post snide, snarky comments designed to make the other look stupid. (Note again: they don't always to this. Nor are they the only ones.)

 

We are all intelligent people here. If you have a differing viewpoint on religion, politics, sociology, or math curriculum, I assume you have a reason behind your choice. It may not be what *I* have chosen for myself. I may disagree and think you're wrong. But I will not label or make you feel stupid, ill-informed, or brainwashed because you've chosen it.

 

To the OP: No matter which side of that feminist thread you were on, there were people who posted the opposite of what you think. Don't feel that because some people had differing viewpoints you're not welcome. Just learn to stay out of those thread which may contain viewpoints you don't want to read.

 

The best thing that has come from the threads that have been shut down is the growth of my ignore list. If you repeatedly put others down, support your arguments with comments such as "clearly you don't know what you're talking about, or else you'd have agreed with me," or insert smug judgements into a decent conversation for the sole purpose of stirring the pot, then CONGRATULATIONS! You've likely made it onto my ignore list.

 

The ignore list is the best way I've found to keep my blood pressure down and not completely lose respect for some of the posters on this board.

 

Well, well said. :iagree:

[Jane in NC]

My take is that some of us come to these boards for an exchange of ideas, others come for validation of ideas. Those who wish to exchange are disappointed when a chorus of "dittos" erupt. Those who desire validation sometimes feel beat up by those who disagree.

 

Yes, one can be frustrated at times by posts or posters. But I have gleaned so much from participants on these boards--knowledge, wisdom and even friendship. Far more good than bad.

 

Jane the PollyAnna (who also desires World Peace)

[Nestof3]

I guess I come here knowing that people have all sorts of opinions, and I have mine. I guess since I'm pretty grounded in my opinions, I don't get offended by other people's opinions. I don't see it as threatening to have diversity and voicing of opinions. For me, I either agree or disagree, and that's the end of it. I don't feel hurt or insulted if someone disagrees.

 

I've never met a person I agree wholeheatedly with, but I have met people with different opinions that have shaped my own.

[Nestof3]

I tend to avoid those "overheated" threads myself because I dislike confrontation. I tend to get my feelings hurt.

 

I remember one time I was lurking on board about a particular vacation destination and the general threads were filled with "please pray about this..." so I naively thought I was amongst like minded folks - ya know... Christians. So I posted a *warning* about an upcoming movie that had content that was disagreeable possibly to said Christian mindset. Oh. my. The thread turned in to about 15 pages of flames against censoring movies and books, book banning, book burning, losing freedoms - like freedom of speech and freedom to make a movie that has whatever content and intention you want. :blink: Talk about feeling unwelcome. BUT, it was my own fault. I assumed that everyone would agree with me and so instead of querying about the content of the movie and would people find it concerning, I ASS-U-ME-D. Lesson. Learned.

 

I agree that sometimes it's best to avoid certain threads, but more often than not respectful responses are sought. I haven't been around long though and don't poke my head in where it doesn't belong! ;)

 

 

 

 

Oh, yeah, I want World Peace too.

 

However, Amy, you may have actually helped someone with your words. Perhaps someone appreciated them but was too afraid to say so.

 

The opinions of others don't have to hurt you -- just remind yourself that you have your opinions for your own reasons. Also, remind yourself that you are capable of changing your mind about things and so are others. If not, that's okay. Convictions really are not convictions if you can be tossed and swayed by every other person's opinions.

[Impish]

I guess I view message boards as a sort of 'smorgasboard' if you will. You take what you want, leave what you don't. One thread, or 3 or 5 doesn't 'make' the board, set the tone, what have you. It shifts as quickly as the personalities of the posters come in and leave, the topics post and vanish...

 

I guess I find it personally a bit difficult to understand, and I say that with absolutely no disrespect intended. I've only been on these boards a matter of weeks, but waded in, started posting...it wasn't a matter of 'being made welcome' but of essentially saying, "Hey, I'm here!"

 

In a group this size, there's really no other choice. :001_smile:

[KidsHappen]

Oh, wait, I forgot to also say that I want World Peace.

 

SWB

 

:lol:

[Ohdanigirl]

I don't mind disagreements. I really don't.

 

What I hate are the posts THAT COME FROM BOTH SIDES OF AN ARGUMENT that imply that only right-thinking people think _____. Or only smart people think ________. If you don't think or support _______ then you are clearly stupid, or incompetent, or an idiot.

 

For Example:

I like some things that Spy Car has to say. I like some things that Peek- A-Boo has to say. (Note: I *only* picked those two posters because they were the first two who came to mind who often have differing viewpoints.) I think they both have valid points to make. But not when they post snide, snarky comments designed to make the other look stupid. (Note again: they don't always to this. Nor are they the only ones.)

 

 

We are all intelligent people here. If you have a differing viewpoint on religion, politics, sociology, or math curriculum, I assume you have a reason behind your choice. It may not be what *I* have chosen for myself. I may disagree and think you're wrong. But I will not label or make you feel stupid, ill-informed, or brainwashed because you've chosen it.

 

To the OP: No matter which side of that feminist thread you were on, there were people who posted the opposite of what you think. Don't feel that because some people had differing viewpoints you're not welcome. Just learn to stay out of those thread which may contain viewpoints you don't want to read.

 

The best thing that has come from the threads that have been shut down is the growth of my ignore list. If you repeatedly put others down, support your arguments with comments such as "clearly you don't know what you're talking about, or else you'd have agreed with me," or insert smug judgements into a decent conversation for the sole purpose of stirring the pot, then CONGRATULATIONS! You've likely made it onto my ignore list.

 

The ignore list is the best way I've found to keep my blood pressure down and not completely lose respect for some of the posters on this board.

 

:iagree:Very well said. How do you do an ignore list?

 

Danielle

[Hillary in KS]

: How do you do an ignore list?

 

Danielle

 

Go to your Control Panel.

 

From the box on the left-hand side of your screen, select "Edit Ignore List."

 

Enter the name of the person/people you wish to ignore.

 

Easy-peasy! :001_smile:

[LisaNY]

My take is that some of us come to these boards for an exchange of ideas, others come for validation of ideas. Those who wish to exchange are disappointed when a chorus of "dittos" erupt. Those who desire validation sometimes feel beat up by those who disagree.

 

Yes, one can be frustrated at times by posts or posters. But I have gleaned so much from participants on these boards--knowledge, wisdom and even friendship. Far more good than bad.

 

Jane the PollyAnna (who also desires World Peace)

 

(((Jane)))

[Jenny in Florida]

But many times I don't feel welcome here. I keep quiet (until I can't stand it!) because my views are in opposition with the majority. And many in the majority are quite vocal in their condemnation. The "I hate feminists" followed by the "I agree"s brought this to a head for me. There is lip-service paid to learning from those you disagree with, but the out-and-out slamming of those with differing opinions speaks loudly. I thought (hoped) this would end with the elections, but it hasn't and has become more pronounced in the last few weeks.

 

I don't expect board dynamics to change because one lurker voices an opinion, but I did want to show how words can make someone feel unwelcome- that they have the power to chase someone away. Some of us don't have a supportive homeschooling community where we live and we need this place to feel inclusive. We need a place to belong.

 

 

I hear you. I've felt very, very unwelcome around here lately, although it has been getting better in the last week or so.

 

It has occurred to me lately that one of my most highly prized values is respect and tolerance. But it works best when it's reciprocal.

 

For what it's worth, this sort of thing does seem to go in phases around here. It used to be a much more warm and welcoming place, and I am holding onto hope that it will be so again.

 

Someday.

 

In the meantime, please don't leave. If you do, the majority wins.

[Jenny in Florida]

I haven't seen any real attacks go undeleted here.

 

I'm afraid I disagree with this. Strongly.

[Jenny in Florida]

Personally, you disagree, JUMP IN! Tell us WHY.

 

But don't dip your toe in the water unless you have a very thick skin. People play rough here.

[Jenny in Florida]

[Duplicate. Sorry.]

[Heather in Neverland]

I've noticed many posts from people all over the spectrum who don't feel like they fit in. Maybe that's the one thing we all have in common. :)

 

:iagree: Sometimes it is just "your turn" to feel like you don't fit in, or like everyone is against you. All of us seem to have something that makes us not fit into some "mold" we think this board has when in reality, it doesn't have one. The "majority" is only the "majority" according to the topic being posted. I've been part of the "majority" on a topic and I've also been in the "minority" and I've also been out on a ledge all by myself dodging tomatoes.

 

It's just part of being in a community of very diverse, intelligent, free-thinking individuals. And to be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way. If I was on a board where everyone thought EXACTLY the way I do and every post was followed by a hundred "me too's"...how boring would that be?

 

Sometimes we get carried away and say things we shouldn't (and probably secretly regret it even if we don't admit it) but essentially, we are all good people and I LOVE THIS GROUP!

[Jenny in Florida]

:iagree: Sometimes it is just "your turn" to feel like you don't fit in, or like everyone is against you.

 

You know what, though? I've been around for, what, five years? Well before we even went to this format, anyway. And I've always felt like I don't fit in. The difference used to be that most people were usually nice about it.

[nova mama]

Rosie,

The poster is feeling like the board is heated and people with different views are attacked. I find it ironic that you chose this particular thread to label "anti-feminists" as uninformed or stupid.

 

Definition:

Ad Hominem Attack: This is the best logical fallacy, and if you disagree with me, well, you’re an idiot.

Holly

 

Rosie doesn't seem like someone who needs defending :D, and I'm pretty sure I don't qualify as a feminist, but I don't think she was calling "anti-feminists" stupid. She seemed to be addressing the media portrayal of feminists. Am I missing something?

[Jenny in Florida]

She seemed to be addressing the media portrayal of feminists. Am I missing something?

 

I hope not, because that's how I read it, too.

[Nestof3]

You know what, though? I've been around for, what, five years? Well before we even went to this format, anyway. And I've always felt like I don't fit in. The difference used to be that most people were usually nice about it.

 

Jenny,

 

I would suggest you try dealing one on one through PM with those people you feel are just not nice to you and explain to them how they are not nice. In some ways, this board really is like "in-real-life." When you have a conflict, sometimes you have to speak one-on-one with the person and settle the conflict. Just like in real life, it's not healthy to walk around holding grudges for things.

 

I honestly don't think people come here with the intention to be mean.

 

And, for what it's worth, I don't think anyone can really "fit in" here because it's not a clique of lots of people who think the same things. I always feel like I disagree with most people when it comes to political things. Many of my beliefs are considered radical even within my own faith. But, I certainly don't feel like anyone is out to get me on this board. Sure, some may have me on ignore, but I don't think people come here thinking, "how can I annoy Dawn today?"

[Heather in Neverland]

You know what, though? I've been around for, what, five years? Well before we even went to this format, anyway. And I've always felt like I don't fit in. The difference used to be that most people were usually nice about it.

 

:grouphug: Maybe because I am from Detroit where it seems like no one is nice to anyone ever, I think most people on here are pretty nice or at least civil. :D But my "niceness" scale is admittedly skewed. Unless someone comes out and directly calls me a name, unless it is an unmistakeable direct attack on me and not just a matter of a heated discussion on different opinions, I don't get too upset. But you need thick skin in this part of the world (to face the winters as well!).

[Sharon H in IL]

Sure, some may have me on ignore, but I don't think people come here thinking, "how can I annoy Dawn today?"

 

Curses! Foiled again!

 

She's seen through my plot, now I must return to the lab to begin once more.

[Rosie_0801]

Rosie doesn't seem like someone who needs defending :D, and I'm pretty sure I don't qualify as a feminist, but I don't think she was calling "anti-feminists" stupid. She seemed to be addressing the media portrayal of feminists. Am I missing something?

 

You're not, no. I have studied the early days of feminism and they were, for the most part, a bunch of patriotic, good Christian women. Their catch cry was pretty much "you can have it all, but not all at once!" The media somehow turned it into "you can have it all, and you'd better be doing it all right now, Superwoman, or you are a failure." Then there are the man-hating episodes of feminism, of course. Neither of those two have much in common with the original message and if they are the only parts of the feminist movement a woman has heard about, no wonder she's going to call herself an anti-feminist!

 

I'm tough as Remudamom and Peek ;) That'd make a good t-shirt slogan wouldn't it? ;)

 

Anyhow, this thread wasn't supposed to be on the history of feminism, was it?

 

Rosie- pro women's rights, pro men's rights, pro children's rights, pro pagan rights, pro Christian rights, pro the right to remain uninformed about things, pro the right not to remain uninformed about things. Anti football, anti coffee smell in my house and definitely against warm weetbix- which is the worst of all breakfast cereals. Not part of the League for the Irritation of Dawn. Actually she seems fairly unfazable so I'm not really sure where I'd start. I am also Pro Jennies. Ok, I'm being silly now. I wonder if there is any more cooking chocolate in the pantry... Hm. Evidently in the silly phase of sleep deprivation, and I promise to go away before I get to the tears and hysteria.

Edited April 29, 2009 by Rosie_0801

[Jenny in Florida]

Jenny,

 

I would suggest you try dealing one on one through PM with those people you feel are just not nice to you and explain to them how they are not nice.

 

Been there. Done that. Walked away feeling more hurt and frustrated than if I had left it alone.

 

It's not that I think people are out to get me personally--at least not most of the time. It's just that nagging feeling that no one really "gets" me . . .

[Queen_Zarga]

I've only been hanging around here for a couple of years, but I've already seen this topic at least a half dozen times, maybe more. No one is going to feel happy and accepted all of the time. Carry on.