hidden cost of multiples - please answer if you have twins or triplets!

[cathmom]

I am planning to write an article on the hidden cost of multiples. Everyone

always thinks "Oh, twice as many diapers!" or "Two of everything!" like

cribs. I'm looking for other things, big or little, that you didn't expect

when you found out you were having twins. For example, do you give two birthday presents at a children's birthday party? Two presents for a teacher? Or the fact that twins usually can't hand things down to each other, requiring 2 pairs of boots in the same size, etc. Or extra childproofing that is necessary with multiples. You get the idea! Could you please post whatever you've experienced. Thanks in advance!

[Carrie12345]

I don't have twins, but I have almost-Irish-twins. The only thing dh and I can come up with is two potty chairs, lol. Everything else seemed pretty logical to us.

[bkpan]

Twin boys after 2 older brothers - couldnt hand down near enough clothes, so lots of new outfits for them, had to get 2nd of everything - playpen, crib, boosters, car seats, toys, bikes.... IOW, hand-me-downs were never enough - you pretty much need at least one new thing for each stage, etc.

 

While my 1st two are still in college, we will need to find tuition for two more at the same time! :svengo:

 

Of course, alot of the stuff comes used and from friends, so that is helpful. I think the bigger load with multiples is the emotional and physical toll. Two boys the same age doesnt double the energy level - it quadruples it! They are my two that can get into the most trouble:boxing_smiley:!!

 

But, of course, wouldnt trade a one of em for the world!:001_wub:

 

Kim

[LaxMom]

Hmmmm... we didn't really need a lot of stuff. We use cloth diapers, and I did bolster our supply a bit, but most of the stash was handed down from their older sister. I used the crib purchased for my now 20 y.o., side-carred on my side of the bed to give us all a bit more room...

 

Strollers and carseats! Oh, boy. That is really, really shocking. On the other hand, I was also shocked at the number of places that give multiples discounts.

 

Does sanity count? I think it should. Because this is extreme parenting, especially when they're infants. I'm sure you remember how extreme the sleep deprivation is, compared to having one infant. If you don't it's because you're blocking.

 

My old boss made the following observation when the boys were a couple months old: "I think you've reached a place in your life where the math is no longer linear." It seems apt.

[Jen500]

Well, as far as homeschooling, I've decided it's time to buy them each their own textbooks instead of sharing.

Carseats-it's more painful to spring for two nice ones at the same time. Bikes also.

[yvonne]

Clothes

With twins, you have to have almost twice as many clothes. If I'd had two boy singletons, the younger one could wear the older's hand-me-downs.

 

Baby equipment

Two infant car seats at the same time, double stroller that can accommodate two infant seats, two baby swings (if the babies like swings), etc. All this stuff also takes up twice as much space.

 

Medical expenses associated with twin pregnancy and birth

Twin pregnancies are often higher risk/more difficult. If you have to go on bedrest to prevent early delivery, you'll lose time from work.

 

There's a higher risk of premature birth with twins which can cause short and long-term issues and mean higher medical expenses. All premature babies have these risks, but multiples are much more likely to be premature. (There's a great book by Babara Luke on how best to take care of yourself in order to "grow" your babies and, hopefully, prevent preemie issues when you're pregnant with multiples.)

 

 

 

BUT! None of these things outweigh the tremendous blessing of having twins or the beauty of the relationship between twins.

[Ria]

What everyone else said, plus the double co-pay for well-baby checks. Ugh.

 

And the college tuition is a shocker. My twins are sophomores. Without scholarships/grants, the joint tuition/room/board for them this year would be $82,000. And that doesn't cover the $2000 (or more) cost of their books.

 

Ria

[cathmom]

Ria, I think I just had a heart attack!

[mooooom]

although we try to get away with two sets of lit books (for 3 to share). Chalkdust for 3 is going to be astronomical next year. I'm to chicken to ask if you could have one kid sign up for an online class and let all three follow along.

 

Can't wait for drivers ed and car insurance costs - still have a yr and half for that one. My kids shared toys when little, but there were NO hand me downs at all, and even from other kids, after age 6 or so, there are very few clothes to hand down - as boys tend to wear everything to pieces. Two sets of sneakers is painful (and wait till they want to play a sport that requires indoor only sneakers...)

 

Besides college tuition, what about buying 3 laptops to send them off with at the same time?

[cathmom]

Besides college tuition, what about buying 3 laptops to send them off with at the same time?

 

Double heart attack!

 

Last year when my oldest was applying for college and we were spending $30 here and $40 there for application fees and SAT fees and whatever else, all I could think of was paying for double at the same time when the twins are college age!!!

[The Girls' Mom]

The cost didn't really hit me much differently than just having 3 kids until we started homeschooling. Having to buy two of so much for school. And what I buy for the older dd may not still be around for the younger two, so I can pick up that extra book..lol. That said, they still share a great deal of stuff...and they don't like it!

[cathmom]

Thanks everyone for all these great points!

[Tracey in TX]

It vastly more expensive to have multiples than even Irish twins (we have both). Beyond the obvious: bottles, pacifiers, diapers, clothes which cannot be passed down, there are multiple bikes, any sports equipment, dressy clothes, electronics. ALL at the same time. Can't really budget one this year, one next year...'cause "it's not fair!" LOL

With my children, they are uber-competitive. It's compounded by being triplets, identical, and very close in age. If A does something well, B must outdo A's accomplishment. Coaches love this. Parents, hmmm, not so much! This increases the cost of competitive sports. And extra text books, and literature for homeschool. There is a mob mentality that is inborn in multiples. When A climbs on the wall, B must climb up the wall. C, of course, hangs from the chandelier (seriously, this has happened many times). Extra cost of item replacement. (ie changing diaper of A, and B throws cell phone down toilet...again, happened many times when they were toddlers.) Doctor bills--prematurity (typical) through multiple co-pays when sickness runs rampant through the house. Our hospital bill was $100,000 and our trips were 35 weekers--which is considered full-term for triplets. Note: I was not in the hospital prior to delivery, which is very unusual.

Larger vehicles, wide enough for 3 carseats in a row. Nanny/babysitters just to go to grocery store. (This is cheaper than having little hands "helping" load the grocery cart.) Larger house, refrigerator, more friends to feed as they come over to play.

 

We have five college tuitions to save for, as they will all be in school at once. <gasping for air>

 

ETA: The triplet stroller that will last 2 years is now $900. Good luck finding one used! It's worth its weight in gold, if you ever plan on leaving the house.

Lastly, lifetime supply of asprin for the many headaches to come...!

 

Biggest cost, by far: DH worker longer hours and away from our family in order to have our lifestyle as it would've been with the "average" American-sized family.

Edited February 8, 2009 by Tracey in TX

[cathmom]

Tracey, that's a very good point. People tend to assume that having multiples is like having several children close together, but IME it's very different. I have a friend who had 2 dds 51 weeks apart. Having a one year old who can entertain herself for a while and eat solids is vastly different from nursing or bottle-feeding two infants! You can't take care of the younger one first because they need you more - they both (or all!) need you right now!

[Tracey in TX]

.

 

Can't wait for drivers ed and car insurance costs - still have a yr and half for that one.

Besides college tuition, what about buying 3 laptops to send them off with at the same time?

 

 

<GASPING FOR AIR>

Driving just might put me in the looney bin.

Laptops for each child. Might be a good idea to invest while they're still in high school to utilize--and spread out the cost.

 

Know what you mean by the sneakers. Cleats, sneakers, play shoes. May the two never meet. That doesn't even begin to address the sports gear and sweats. It's ridiculously expensive! The driving costs freak me out more than the college costs...maybe because I don't want teenager drivers. :w00t:

 

Love to hear how you will handle the costs, driving (whose turn, etc), car issues, etc as the time approaches. This topic overwhelms me more than most multiple issues.

[Twinmom]

One word describes it well: LAUNDRY! :willy_nilly:

 

I have identical twin boys. Our biggest hidden cost besides our sanity has involved the sheer destruction of our home and possessions. What one child can't do by himself, they can manage to do together! Toliets plugged by Thomas the Tank Engine, sinks broken by Star Wars figures, carpet burned by a lamp dumped onto its side, chunks taken out of the walls, toys broken, clothes ripped, bikes with flat tires, broken windows, scratched hardwood floors, dumped over orange juice containers, food in the computer keyboard, broken dishes, torn up books, holes cut with scissors into the couch...should I say more?! :banghead:

 

Oh, yeah...there's more. How about an amputated finger? One twin slammed the door on the other one, amputating his ring finger just above the first knuckle. The cost of reattachment? $8,000 in cash. :svengo:

 

Twins are fabulous...but they are not for the faint of heart or faint of pocketbook! :D

[Tracey in TX]

One word describes it well: LAUNDRY! :willy_nilly:

 

I have identical twin boys. Our biggest hidden cost besides our sanity has involved the sheer destruction of our home and possessions. What one child can't do by himself, they can manage to do together! Toliets plugged by Thomas the Tank Engine, sinks broken by Star Wars figures, carpet burned by a lamp dumped onto its side, chunks taken out of the walls, toys broken, clothes ripped, bikes with flat tires, broken windows, scratched hardwood floors, dumped over orange juice containers, food in the computer keyboard, broken dishes, torn up books, holes cut with scissors into the couch...should I say more?! :banghead:

 

Oh, yeah...there's more. How about an amputated finger? One twin slammed the door on the other one, amputating his ring finger just above the first knuckle. The cost of reattachment? $8,000 in cash. :svengo:

 

Twins are fabulous...but they are not for the faint of heart or faint of pocketbook! :D

HAVE MERCY! We should share stories one day. Could be a great pick-me-up conversation.:lol: Not for the weak of heart...or weak bladder!:lol:

[MamaT]

Mine aren't technically twins, but one is adopted and the other isn't - so they are 9 months and 1 day apart.

 

The big cost we're looking at right now is braces x 2! Almost $10,000 and the monthly payment is bigger than a car payment. They are number 5 and 6 in our family, so this will be our 5th and 6th set of braces. Needless to say, we haven't had a new car in a LONG time.

[CalicoKat]

do hospitals bill for 1 or 2 deliveries? I mean they're there to catch anyway, do they charge extra for the double catch?

 

Everything else logically has to be doubled.

 

BUT replacement of household machinery, i.e., washing machines & dishwashers, because of the extra load come to mind as a shocker. I remember my mom telling the story of how after my twin sisters arrival the washing machine "died" young.

[Tracey in TX]

do hospitals bill for 1 or 2 deliveries? I mean they're there to catch anyway, do they charge extra for the double catch?

 

Everything else logically has to be doubled.

 

BUT replacement of household machinery, i.e., washing machines & dishwashers, because of the extra load come to mind as a shocker. I remember my mom telling the story of how after my twin sisters arrival the washing machine "died" young.

They bill individually. My insurance company had the audacity to tell me they didn't pay for triplets.:cursing: (Obviously they did, but it was an uninformed individual.) There is a larger team of physicians/nurses, etc for multiple births. We had Teams A,B, and C--one for each baby. There were approx. 15 staff in the OR when my gang was born.

[mamaof2andtwins]

We do buy our girls there own copy of textbooks. However, my cost was cut because my girls are entirely different in size, so they do hand down clothes. Also, one of the girls is slightly behind the other academically, so I do not always have to buy two copies of a textbook. This has been very nice.

 

I would say that the logistics of having twins far outweighs any financial issues. For me, the money part of having twins is not really much different than having 4 children of varying ages. When they were born we were given a lot of diapers. However, I switched to cloth when I had to start footing the bill for the disposables. I borrowed extra equipment. The only additional piece of furniture we needed was the crib which we put off until they were almost 5 months old.

 

So, I don't see that there were any real "hidden" costs in having twins and two singles verses having four single babies.

 

Jennie

[cathmom]

We do buy our girls there own copy of textbooks. However, my cost was cut because my girls are entirely different in size, so they do hand down clothes. Also, one of the girls is slightly behind the other academically, so I do not always have to buy two copies of a textbook. This has been very nice.

 

I would say that the logistics of having twins far outweighs any financial issues. For me, the money part of having twins is not really much different than having 4 children of varying ages. When they were born we were given a lot of diapers. However, I switched to cloth when I had to start footing the bill for the disposables. I borrowed extra equipment. The only additional piece of furniture we needed was the crib which we put off until they were almost 5 months old.

 

So, I don't see that there were any real "hidden" costs in having twins and two singles verses having four single babies.

 

Jennie

 

Wow, my experience has been very different! having twins costs more than 2 babies at different times. And sometimes the more complicated logistics require $$. For example, I wouldn't have bought a $150 stroller for a single child, but I needed a double stroller for the twins. I thought I could use a sling and a single stroller, until the first time I had to switch the baby in the sling for the baby in the stroller and nearly started bawling because it was so complicated! And yes, we were given a double stroller, but it was so huge when folded it wouldn't fit in our van.

 

Maybe because your twins are girls they aren't as destructive? Ours have broken many things!

[dhudson]

We have B/G twins so having a girl and boy birthday party at the same time. Have you tried making a pirate theme party to work for a boy and a girl or Princess and Buzz Lightyear?

 

Along that theme each child gets to pick a special event with their parent to do on your birthday - so it's expensive.

 

Oh, two sets of piano lessons, two sets of swimming lessons, two costumes for the play, two fees for soccer.

 

It's all worth it and I guess God knew we needed three blessings instead of two.

[Tracey in TX]

 

Maybe because your twins are girls they aren't as destructive? Ours have broken many things!

 

My girls were nicknamed "Katrina" and "Rita" after the destructive hurricanes by a family friend. They are a force to be reckoned with. Must be genetic b/c they're worse than DS.

[Ruthie]

Twins are expensive, but I feel worse for others. Since my boys have the same friends, when they have a party, people always have to buy 2 presents, KWIM? And they are only getting the benefit of 1 party. So I always try to make it extra nice with nice party favors.

Ruthie

[Tracey in TX]

Twins are expensive, but I feel worse for others. Since my boys have the same friends, when they have a party, people always have to buy 2 presents, KWIM? And they are only getting the benefit of 1 party. So I always try to make it extra nice with nice party favors.

Ruthie

 

We have a policy that our children invite particular friends, and the invitation states whose guest they are (and it rotates!)--even though they share them all. That way friends don't purchase 2 or 3 gifts for one party. Typically when they attend a party we buy one expensive gift or two cheaper gifts. It's worked well for us and our friends.

[cathmom]

My girls were nicknamed "Katrina" and "Rita" after the destructive hurricanes by a family friend. They are a force to be reckoned with. Must be genetic b/c they're worse than DS.

 

LOL!

[Lovedtodeath]

For example, I wouldn't have bought a $150 stroller for a single child, but I needed a double stroller for the twins.

 

Maybe because your twins are girls they aren't as destructive? Ours have broken many things!

No twins here and DH refuses to buy anything b/c they will just destroy it. (car, table, dining chairs, laptop, faucets, couch, recliner) My cousin needed a double stroller when all three of hers were born 10-13 months apart.

 

We have B/G twins so having a girl and boy birthday party at the same time. Have you tried making a pirate theme party to work for a boy and a girl or Princess and Buzz Lightyear?

 

We had a "pirates and mermaids" party for DD. She wanted boys to enjoy the party too.

[teamturner]

Oh, yeah...there's more. How about an amputated finger? One twin slammed the door on the other one, amputating his ring finger just above the first knuckle. The cost of reattachment? $8,000 in cash. :svengo:

 

 

 

We had a finger in the door incident when our twins were 2 yo. Although it only involved reattaching a thumbnail, it was still very traumatic!

 

We had our twins in pre-school for one year before I started homeschooling. I don't know how many families ever have 2 kids in preschool at the same time.

 

In regards to sports, having to pay to join the league times two in addition to the uniforms, equipment, and gear is significant.

 

My biggest frustration is with shoes. I can pass some shoes down to my youngest dd from her sister but always having to buys so many shoes every time they grow or just need new shoes is staggering. Especially since with wide feet you can't always get what you need from Target, etc. My twins are now different shoe sizes but they wear the shoes until they wear out so there's not much passing down.

[FourOaks]

Ooh, I love this thread! I am dealing with all of this right now. No clothes that fit. . .hand-me-downs worn out and not nearly enough. Shoes, shoes and more shoes, double coats, boots, etc. Braces!!! Yep, it's definitely more difficult whenever we have to start paying for our twins to do something. Know what else is going to be expensive? Feminine products! I have 4 girls. My oldest is exactly 2 years older than my twins, who are developing at a quicker pace, so within the next year or 2 ALL three of the oldest will start using those products. And I thought diapers were expensive!!

[Ria]

Don't forget wisdom teeth removal times two. That was a fun day. LOL.

 

Ria

[Twinmom]

My girls were nicknamed "Katrina" and "Rita" after the destructive hurricanes by a family friend. They are a force to be reckoned with. Must be genetic b/c they're worse than DS.

 

:lol: I love this...so fitting! That's why I call my boys Thing One and Thing Two!

[Twinmom]

Don't forget wisdom teeth removal times two. That was a fun day. LOL.

 

Ria

 

How about ear tubes times two? No breakfast allowed, a late doctor, anesthesia for two...wow, what a day.

[Twinmom]

We had our twins in pre-school for one year before I started homeschooling. I don't know how many families ever have 2 kids in preschool at the same time.

 

I once had FOUR kids in preschool at the same time! My DD was just 3 1/2 when the twins were born, my DS just 18 months. When it came time for preschool, it cost so much for the oldest two to attend that I had to put the twins in as well so I could work there for the tuition discount! My entire salary went to pay for my kids to attend.

 

And yes, I was nuts to do it, but I really wanted the older two to go...it was a great program. My plan fell apart, however, on my own stamina. I picked up mono and whooping cough at the same time and nearly collapsed. I was down for nearly four months. Had to quit and bring the twins home, so I still ended up paying through the nose for the older two and was sick to boot! :glare:

[JFSinIL]

A decent twin stroller....then a car with a trunk big enough to hold it!!!!

[alansrock]

Extra curricular activities such as musical instruments, not to mention dental visits and haircuts. And you can't buy just one bike, they each need one of those too!

Edited February 10, 2009 by alansrock

[AuntieM]

the cost of therapy for mom after years flipping back and forth between "think like a boy" and "think like a girl"!!!

 

Kidding aside, our twins were on a hypoallergenic baby formula that just about sent us to the poorhouse, even with a relative employed by Mead-Johnson to get us discounts. Multiple birth babies often arrive with special needs that heap on more than your typical medical costs, perhaps even for years and years down the road.

 

And as far as the cost of laundry, it's not just more soap and clothes, it's soiled baby bedding and soiled mama-who's-fed-the-babies-carrots-and got-double-spit-on laundry, too! I needed more clothes myself just to have enough to stay clean through a full day in those early months!

 

As school aged kids, I have learned that if I really believed in individually tailoring curriculum choices to the student, that was really going to raise my cost for two kids at the same grade level.

 

Now that mine are older, it's like having two children that aren't necessarily twins; we've been able to successfully stagger orthodontic work, so that's helped.

 

I'm trying not to think about college tuition, but I'm thinking I'm going to have to go back to work if they don't earn scholarships!

Edited February 10, 2009 by AuntieM

[Melinda in VT]

I skimmed, so maybe someone said this and I missed it but . . .

 

The time and money spent straightening out medical billing issues when the doctor's office bills the insurance company twice for one twin's well-child check and then applies the money to the other twin's account. And then bills me because the insurance company is refusing to pay for the first twin twice, and the doctor's office thinks no money has been paid for the first twin at all and refuses to bill the insurance for the second twin because his account is paid in full . . . :banghead:

 

I finally resolved it out by marching into the doctor's billing office with my toddler twins in tow and refusing to leave until they had straightened the accounts out.

[HRAAB]

I think everybody else has got it covered. I can't say that in our experience having twins is that much more than a single. I nurse, use cloth diapers (washing, washing). I have all girls and am still using hand me downs from the older three. We don't spend a lot on toys, electronics, etc. and my younger ones use what we already have. I've been very fortunate, but for the most part they have been extremely healthy. I already have more curriculum than anyone in their right mind needs, so that's been covered.

 

The biggest things so far (and they're 8): Two birthday presents, two Christmas presents, two bikes, two scooters. That type of thing. This last Christmas, it was two American Girl dolls. Yikes. Piano lessons.

 

Just something I realized last week is I need another First Holy Communion dress - totally forgot about that.

 

Maybe it's because we are truly frugal in our spending, but I can't say that twins have been an added huge expense. Plus, it's twice the love, hugs and snuggles.

 

Of course we aren't driving yet....

 

Janet

[Sahamamama]

LOL. We had a sweet little daughter. SHE fit into our car. I asked my husband, "Would you like one more child?" He said yes. We got twins.

 

After they outgrew the "little" carseats (the carrier kind), we went out and got new carseats (the big kind). Let me tell you, three of these do NOT fit across the back of any car we tried. This means that just about any family with three or more small children has to GET A VAN.

 

For about 6 months we went everywhere in two cars -- Daddy with Tigger, Mommy with Puppy and Monkey. It was a bit of a pain. We prayed about it and didn't mention it to anyone. Then one day, out of the blue, my friend called and said, "We are getting rid of our old van and we'd like to give it to you. Of course, we have to get some repairs done on it first, and then we'll have it detailed and filled up with gas, but would you like a van?" :D

[swellmomma]

I don't have multiples but do have "irish twins" I found the biggest surprise and hidden cost was needing 2 of all the favorite toys. So we had to cozy coupes cars, 2 FP chatter phones, and on it went, my toyroom was and still is overflowing with duplicates of all the toys. Of course we had duplicates of pretty much every else too, but I had not thought about the toys until they were fighting over them.

 

Also something that has been a difficulty both cost wise and time wise is the extra currics. With 2 kids the same age they are in the same levels of activities on the same nights but not necessarily on the same teams or classes, which makes getting them to and from plus actively watching them very very difficult. This has especially been true the last 2 years because they are a boy and a girl so on seperate teams in baseball but same level and therefore same nights, and occasionally against each other.

 

As far as schooling goes, I have not found an issue with costs since I teach them together, However, a hidden cost in all that is the amount of tylenol I go through dealing with all the rivalry with them being at the same grade level. However, as they are getting older I think that will change, as I see them needing to change pace in different things, so I will have to buy 2 of all the textbooks in addition to all the workbooks I already buy 2 of. I don't even want to think about college. That's why I like 4 yr age gaps now, the big 2 will be graduating college right when the next is entering and again he will be graduating right when the youngest is entering. SO much easier than what I am facing with 2 going at once.

 

I think for me even though they are irish twins not actual twins, because ds was premature, he was (and still is) small for his age, and emotionally young for his age(these are the 2 with special needs), so there never was a this year/that year sort of thing, they were developmentally often at the same stage once dd hit about 9 months for somethings and 12 months for others. As they have aged, dd has surpassed ds in emotional development, and even physical development in someways, which made them seem closer in age for years, so potty training, bike riding, etc all happened within a few weeks of each other, dd always first even though she is actually younger. WHich meant buying 2 bikes the same week, buying 2 pottys and on and on.

Edited February 10, 2009 by swellmomma

[Remudamom]

Oh, please, we might have five in college at the same time. Five.

[Tracey in TX]

Oh, please, we might have five in college at the same time. Five.

I feel your pain.

:w00t:FIVE!:w00t:

 

 

 

All five will be in college for two years together. <gasp> Shouldn't that be against the laws of higher education? Maybe special sympathy scholarships?!

[cathmom]

I feel your pain.

:w00t:FIVE!:w00t:

 

 

 

All five will be in college for two years together. <gasp> Shouldn't that be against the laws of higher education? Maybe special sympathy scholarships?!

 

Your financial aid package will consider if you have other children in college. It's really not that unusual to have 2 in college. FIVE? Wow! We will have 3 in college for 2 years, then 2 for a year, then 3 again for a year.

[Sahamamama]

... since last night, when I posted about needing a van to fit our 1 + 2 girls into. My husband was even interested in this thread, and he's usually asleep by the time I post, LOL.

 

It's true that, in the beginning, with three children under the age of 2 years, we needed LOTS of diapers, cribs, strollers, and car seats -- the usual set of expectations. It's also true that we were seriously sleep deprived. It isn't so bad now that our oldest just turned four years old and the twins were two in January. Whew. We made it to the toddler and preschool years.

 

I said to Dave the other day, "You know, with Mary I have to pull her out of herself and get her talking, but with Hannah, when she is quiet, I am SCARED. When I'm cooking in the kitchen, if I don't hear the steady stream of chatter from Hannah, I RUN to the living room -- some day I am going to find that child literally swinging from the chandelier."

 

Hubby laughed at this, but you could tell he was thinking about it. ;)

 

He said, "Yeah, and she'll just smile at you and say, 'Hi, Mommy! Help, down, pweazzzzze!'" Exactly.

 

I think that, for me, one of the "hidden costs" of multiples is that very few people really understand what we do here all day. My husband's family is COMPLETELY CLUELESS, and whenever his parents come for a visit, they simply do not understand why we do NOT want to run all over the Eastern Seaboard with three infants in two cars (before the van). I wonder?

 

Don't you want to go to the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia? Don't you want to go to the Zoo? Don't you want to go to.....? No, not really, we want to put the girls down for a nap and keep them healthy and just have you over for tea and relax a little bit. They do NOT get this at all. Of course, they have never changed one diaper in four years with three grand-daughters, so we don't expect them to understand the workload.

 

We find that we often feel "different" from other families, but we can't quite say why, can't really pin it down.... Then last night we were reading through this thread and we realized, "Oh, it's normal. Okay." I was especially blessed by the confession of one mom that her son amputated his twin's finger in the screen door, and by the revelations of clogging the toilet with Thomas the Tank Engine. THAT sounds like my house. THANK YOU!

 

It's so nice to know that we are not the only parents who at times feel overwhelmed with three littles to care for, teach, shelter, protect, and nurture.

 

Do other moms of twins/plus feel guilty? inadequate at times? I feel a lot of angst when I remember what I did with my firstborn "when she was that age...." -- things I am NOT doing with my twins, could not possibly do with them. I feel a lot of pressure to DO MORE, DO MORE, DO MORE -- even though I know I am a great mother and my children are blessed to have me. :D But I think our culture idealizes (idolizes?) the role of a gentle, patient mother with one cooperative young child, or at the most, two.

 

We who have more little children than we have hands and arms and lap space have to take a different approach to mothering than we might have dreamed of or than we might otherwise have chosen. And one of the hidden costs of parenting "multiple-style" could be the detrimental impact on our relationships with family and friends when they do not understand why our family does things differently. Our family might be parenting this way just to survive -- it wouldn't be our first choice of how to do things -- but other people seem to sit in judgment on us.

 

For example, a woman at my church (we'll call her D.) has responsible 16 and 14 year old sons, a 7 year old daughter, and a 2 year old son (my toddlers' age). When I brought my then 3 year old to the church Easter Egg Hunt, D. said, "Where are the twins? (at home) Why didn't you bring them? Don't you know they need to get out?" Well, the four-part answer was: (1) David is happy being home with them; (2) They are only over a year old, what's the big deal about candy they won't even eat? (3) We don't think there's any benefit to them sliding around in the rain and mud with 300 other children; and (4) It's NUNYA business, woman! But I had to be gracious to her, right? Would it have been rude for me to point out that her oldest son was watching her daughter, and her second son was watching her infant? In other words, she was standing there, child-free, telling me that I should have dragged out my content-to-be-home husband and carted along my twins (in two cars).

 

It's all. the. time. Two weeks ago, I came out into the church lobby with Hannah, who was crying a bit. The first words D. said were, "Boy, are YOU cranky today!" What she didn't know was that Hannah had an ear infection and wanted me to carry her. D. said to Hannah, "Your mother needs to get you out in public more often, because you don't know how to be with people." Grrrrrrrrrr.

 

And the pastor had just preached a sermon about "unity." :banghead:

[Sahamamama]

I skimmed, so maybe someone said this and I missed it but . . .

 

The time and money spent straightening out medical billing issues when the doctor's office bills the insurance company twice for one twin's well-child check and then applies the money to the other twin's account. And then bills me because the insurance company is refusing to pay for the first twin twice, and the doctor's office thinks no money has been paid for the first twin at all and refuses to bill the insurance for the second twin because his account is paid in full.

 

Yes, something like this happened to us when our twins were three months old and both had surgery for pyloric stenosis. It was a mess, but we did get it straightened out. Now we always make sure to mention that one bill should be for H and the other for M! Good point!

[AnneC]

We had to buy a new car just to bring our twins home from the hospital. That was our biggest expense but we also had to buy two extra cots because our oldest was still using hers at 14 months and the two car seats. We've been lucky in that one of the boys is a size bigger than the other so from the age of two we have been able to use some had-me-downs.

[bkpan]

... since last night, when I posted about needing a van to fit our 1 + 2 girls into. My husband was even interested in this thread, and he's usually asleep by the time I post, LOL.

 

It's true that, in the beginning, with three children under the age of 2 years, we needed LOTS of diapers, cribs, strollers, and car seats -- the usual set of expectations. It's also true that we were seriously sleep deprived. It isn't so bad now that our oldest just turned four years old and the twins were two in January. Whew. We made it to the toddler and preschool years.

 

I said to Dave the other day, "You know, with Mary I have to pull her out of herself and get her talking, but with Hannah, when she is quiet, I am SCARED. When I'm cooking in the kitchen, if I don't hear the steady stream of chatter from Hannah, I RUN to the living room -- some day I am going to find that child literally swinging from the chandelier."

 

Hubby laughed at this, but you could tell he was thinking about it. ;)

 

He said, "Yeah, and she'll just smile at you and say, 'Hi, Mommy! Help, down, pweazzzzze!'" Exactly.

 

I think that, for me, one of the "hidden costs" of multiples is that very few people really understand what we do here all day. My husband's family is COMPLETELY CLUELESS, and whenever his parents come for a visit, they simply do not understand why we do NOT want to run all over the Eastern Seaboard with three infants in two cars (before the van). I wonder?

 

Don't you want to go to the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia? Don't you want to go to the Zoo? Don't you want to go to.....? No, not really, we want to put the girls down for a nap and keep them healthy and just have you over for tea and relax a little bit. They do NOT get this at all. Of course, they have never changed one diaper in four years with three grand-daughters, so we don't expect them to understand the workload.

 

We find that we often feel "different" from other families, but we can't quite say why, can't really pin it down.... Then last night we were reading through this thread and we realized, "Oh, it's normal. Okay." I was especially blessed by the confession of one mom that her son amputated his twin's finger in the screen door, and by the revelations of clogging the toilet with Thomas the Tank Engine. THAT sounds like my house. THANK YOU!

 

It's so nice to know that we are not the only parents who at times feel overwhelmed with three littles to care for, teach, shelter, protect, and nurture.

 

Do other moms of twins/plus feel guilty? inadequate at times? I feel a lot of angst when I remember what I did with my firstborn "when she was that age...." -- things I am NOT doing with my twins, could not possibly do with them. I feel a lot of pressure to DO MORE, DO MORE, DO MORE -- even though I know I am a great mother and my children are blessed to have me. :D But I think our culture idealizes (idolizes?) the role of a gentle, patient mother with one cooperative young child, or at the most, two.

 

We who have more little children than we have hands and arms and lap space have to take a different approach to mothering than we might have dreamed of or than we might otherwise have chosen. And one of the hidden costs of parenting "multiple-style" could be the detrimental impact on our relationships with family and friends when they do not understand why our family does things differently. Our family might be parenting this way just to survive -- it wouldn't be our first choice of how to do things -- but other people seem to sit in judgment on us.

 

For example, a woman at my church (we'll call her D.) has responsible 16 and 14 year old sons, a 7 year old daughter, and a 2 year old son (my toddlers' age). When I brought my then 3 year old to the church Easter Egg Hunt, D. said, "Where are the twins? (at home) Why didn't you bring them? Don't you know they need to get out?" Well, the four-part answer was: (1) David is happy being home with them; (2) They are only over a year old, what's the big deal about candy they won't even eat? (3) We don't think there's any benefit to them sliding around in the rain and mud with 300 other children; and (4) It's NUNYA business, woman! But I had to be gracious to her, right? Would it have been rude for me to point out that her oldest son was watching her daughter, and her second son was watching her infant? In other words, she was standing there, child-free, telling me that I should have dragged out my content-to-be-home husband and carted along my twins (in two cars).

 

It's all. the. time. Two weeks ago, I came out into the church lobby with Hannah, who was crying a bit. The first words D. said were, "Boy, are YOU cranky today!" What she didn't know was that Hannah had an ear infection and wanted me to carry her. D. said to Hannah, "Your mother needs to get you out in public more often, because you don't know how to be with people." Grrrrrrrrrr.

 

And the pastor had just preached a sermon about "unity." :banghead:

 

Thank you! Feel guilty? Inadequate?? Yep, often. When our twins boys were born, we had a 3yo and a 1yo, also boys. People laughed, and we hear often, I just dont know how you do it! But, then they seem to expect that I should be able to do all the outings, manage all the dc, just like other moms do.

 

I have that gentle, patient mama of two quiet children in my head too, lol! But, its just not my reality. Now we have 6dc under 12yo, and I have posted here before about feeling outnumbered and overwhelmed at times. Sometimes I just want to say to people - REALLY, we are doing the best that we can do. We love our dc dearly, but yeah, life is often hard and exhausting.

 

I nursed all my babies, but with the twins I had to pump and supplement with formula. I dwell on that with guilt to this day. They never seem to get as much of me as the others - always in the middle of chaos.

 

So, I continually come back to my trust in the Lord and His order in our lives. They are His first, and I must trust that we were given this gang for a reason. I can certainly see how its changed and is changing dh and me. We are not the same people we were before we became outnumbered, :lol:. I HAVE to depend on God to make up for where we fall short. And we do fall short. Way short.

 

So I relate to the costs not being easily articulated. I always picture us looking back on these years with a lot of laughter. :tongue_smilie:

 

Kim

[Sahamamama]

People laughed, and we hear often, I just dont know how you do it! But, then they seem to expect that I should be able to do all the outings, manage all the dc, just like other moms do.

 

So, I continually come back to my trust in the Lord and His order in our lives. They are His first, and I must trust that we were given this gang for a reason. I can certainly see how its changed and is changing dh and me. We are not the same people we were before we became outnumbered.

 

Thanks, Kim. I couldn't have said it better myself. Sometimes it does feel as though others are saying, "I don't know how you do it all, when do you think you'll start doing more?" That generally throws me off kilter a bit, but I'm starting to keep my balance when I hear it.

 

Also, thanks for the reminder to "continually come back to my trust in the Lord and His order in our lives." Good thought. I need to trust Him more.

[The Girls' Mom]

LOL. We had a sweet little daughter. SHE fit into our car. I asked my husband, "Would you like one more child?" He said yes. We got twins.

 

After they outgrew the "little" carseats (the carrier kind), we went out and got new carseats (the big kind). Let me tell you, three of these do NOT fit across the back of any car we tried. This means that just about any family with three or more small children has to GET A VAN.

 

 

 

That sounds just like us! My dear sweet husband waited until around my 34th week to 'try' to put all 3 carseats into the back of our Cherokee. Um...didn't work. So the day I got released from bedrest (at 34 weeks mind you) we went van shopping. I went into labor AT THE DEALERSHIP!!:lol::lol: So the first place we got to take our new van was to the hospital to deliver twins.

 

I do feel a great deal of guilt, but a good portion is directed towards my oldest dd. I kind of feel like she missed out on a LOT of mom time when she was little because of how much time taking care of the the twins took up. And she still gets a little hurt by how she basically gets ignored by people how will come up and gush over the twins, and only say something to her as an after thought..if at all.