Supreme mom guilt

[lovinmyboys]

Way back on January 20, ds14 hurt his ankle playing basketball. He definitely didn’t walk on it for a couple of days, but then he started doing more on it and went back to basketball and also ice hockey and everything. Lately he was complaining about his hip hurting and said that btw his ankle still hurt. So I took him to the dr and he had broken his ankle in January.

I’m not completely sure what the treatment plan is (as far as I can tell right now it is just hope for the best and if it doesn’t heal right he will have surgery). I was looking online to see what the prognosis is for untreated broken bones and the websites are basically all for medical organizations in countries without access to quality medical care. 

I feel so bad. I have no idea why I didn’t take him to the dr in the first place. It happened on a very busy weekend and then it seemed to get better. This is up there on my worst parenting moments.
 

 

[athena1277]

I know you feel terrible, but it happens.  My brother broke his arm when he was 3yo.  My mom didn’t realize for 2 weeks.  She only realized something was wrong because he usually used 2 hand to open/close our heavy sliding glass door.  He started struggling with it because he would only use one hand.  Don’t beat yourself up too much.

[Terabith]

You are SOOOOO not alone.  My oldest is a super duper whiner/ overreactor, and there was one time we completely missed a real injury because we couldn't tell the difference between the pain expressed after the drawer fell on their foot and the general whininess.  In no world would I assume a kid complaining/ avoiding walking for a couple of days that seemed to resolve would be a broken bone in the absence of other physical signs.  

[lovinmyboys]

7 minutes ago, athena1277 said:

I know you feel terrible, but it happens.  My brother broke his arm when he was 3yo.  My mom didn’t realize for 2 weeks.  She only realized something was wrong because he usually used 2 hand to open/close our heavy sliding glass door.  He started struggling with it because he would only use one hand.  Don’t beat yourself up too much.

Did his arm heal ok? That is what I am most worried about. The dr seemed to say that it can be fixed with surgery if necessary. I just don’t want him to have a bad ankle the rest of his life.

[lovinmyboys]

6 minutes ago, Terabith said:

You are SOOOOO not alone.  My oldest is a super duper whiner/ overreactor, and there was one time we completely missed a real injury because we couldn't tell the difference between the pain expressed after the drawer fell on their foot and the general whininess.  In no world would I assume a kid complaining/ avoiding walking for a couple of days that seemed to resolve would be a broken bone in the absence of other physical signs.  

I really didn’t think so either. I only took him to the dr to kind of cross it off the list, and was shocked. So then I’m trying to remember back to when he hurt it because I don’t think I even ever considered taking him to the dr. And while I do think it is mostly my fault, he is certainly old enough to communicate that he is actually injured. 
 

The dr said he didn’t really know how he could have been playing basketball or hockey with his ankle like it was. 

[Katy]

He’s 14 and it was a busy weekend. When he complained again you took him in. I think you’re in the clear. Give yourself some grace.

[lovinmyboys]

This is this kids first broken bone, but my other three have all broken something and theirs were all obvious. I still remember my then 3yr olds cute little voice saying „my arm is not working.” 

[catz]

Oh mama, go easy on yourself.  Running a sore ankle into a doctor immediately always doesn't lead to a diagnosis and may have had a doctor saying it was fine if he was back at it a few days later.  You are taking care of it, it's ok.  

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I walked around on a broken leg for a week before anyone took me to the ER for an x ray. I have evidence of a healed fracture in one of my feet that I am pretty sure I just walked off because I definitely never got a fracture diagnosis on that foot.

My mom was a nurse and my dad was an EMT. So don’t feel bad. 

[Ausmumof3]

My DS injured his thumb when we were away on holidays and it got quite swollen. If we’d been home I would have taken him to get it looked at but it was complicated at the time and the swelling seemed to go down so we did nothing. Fast forward six months and we realised he couldn’t give a thumbs up properly on that side because thumb won’t fully straighten. Eventually it did with a kind of popping sound every time - so it’s possible it’s trigger thumb not injury related but I feel horribly guilty for not checking it at the time.

[CTVKath]

Please don't beat yourself up!!!! My sister is a nurse and she fell about a month or so ago. Thought it was a sprain and bought an ankle brace. After a week and a half, she finally went to Urgent Care and found out it was broken. She saw an Orthopedist and was given a boot to wear for a month. It's healing fine.

SImilarly a friend's teen DD hurt her wrist skiing last year. The dad is a pharmacist so they put her wrist in a brace. After a month, they finally got it x-rayed and it was broken and had healed incorrectly. She has surgery to re-break the bone and add a plate. She was out of sports awhile but then back in playing basketball and other sports. She's fine.

It happens all the time although it's no fun when it happens to you. Hugs!!!!!

[Starr]

I’m a nurse and thought dd was fine after she fell off her bike. When I took her in it wasn’t broken but too sprained for activity.  I pray it heals well.

[Tap]

DD17 once insisted her finger was broken and I kept telling her she was fine.....but welp, a week later and yep! broken. 

She is sooooo overly dramatic about everything, I just figured it was bruised. Ooopsy

!

 

[Eos]

I'm sorry you are beating yourself up now.

My oldest was 14 when he broke his ankle. I pretended it wasn't broken for a night entirely because we didn't have insurance and I was just panicking, willling it to not be broken. He ultimately needed surgery to set it. The hospital social worker helped us access Medicare for him which was life-changing, but yeah, also my worst parenting moment. 

[Kassia]

4 hours ago, Tap said:

DD17 once insisted her finger was broken and I kept telling her she was fine.....but welp, a week later and yep! broken. 

She is sooooo overly dramatic about everything, I just figured it was bruised. Ooopsy

!

 

 

8 hours ago, Terabith said:

You are SOOOOO not alone.  My oldest is a super duper whiner/ overreactor, and there was one time we completely missed a real injury because we couldn't tell the difference between the pain expressed after the drawer fell on their foot and the general whininess.  In no world would I assume a kid complaining/ avoiding walking for a couple of days that seemed to resolve would be a broken bone in the absence of other physical signs.  

This happened to us too with our oldest.  Definitely "boy who cried wolf" situation.  He broke his wrist at soccer camp, but I thought he was okay since he complained less about the wrist than he did about everything else.  He always overreacted/whined about everything.  I sent him back to soccer camp for two more days after that before I realized that he wasn't using his wrist or even lifting it - it was just hanging limply.  I was SO embarrassed at the ER when each person would come in and ask what happened and when and I'd have to say it was two days ago.  I felt very guilty about it and still do.

As you can see from all the other posts, it's so easy to miss at first.  I agree that you should give yourself some grace.  I hope it heals well.  

Edited April 26 by Kassia

[fraidycat]

9 hours ago, Kassia said:

 

This happened to us too with our oldest.  Definitely "boy who cried wolf" situation.  He broke his wrist at soccer camp, but I thought he was okay since he complained less about the wrist than he did about everything else.  He always overreacted/whined about everything.  I sent him back to soccer camp for two more days after that before I realized that he wasn't using his wrist or even lifting it - it was just hanging limply.  I was SO embarrassed at the ER when each person would come in and ask what happened and when and I'd have to say it was two days ago.  I felt very guilty about it and still do.

As you can see from all the other posts, it's so easy to miss at first.  I agree that you should give yourself some grace.  I hope it heals well.  

It took me two days to convince my kids to let me take them in when they broke their arms (separate incidences, a couple years apart). But in both cases, they broke them on Saturday and we sought medical care on Monday. Neither of them wanted to go, so I had to pull the Mom's the boss card.

[annandatje]

Don’t beat yourself up over it.
 

I took my three year old to pediatrician the day she complained about her ear and woke up with fever.  She had had a mild cold, but seemed normal and energetic in days prior to ear issue discovery.  She ran, climbed and did normal tot activities.  The pediatrician we saw that day jumped onto me and said there was no way she had just came down with the infection and was quite intimidating , just stopping short of accusing me of neglect.  Never returned to their practice again.

That ear infection was only one she ever had.

Edited April 26 by annandatje

[Kassia]

21 minutes ago, annandatje said:

Don’t beat yourself up over it.
 

I took my three year old to pediatrician the day she complained about her ear and woke up with fever.  She had had a mild cold, but seemed normal and energetic in days prior to ear issue discovery.  She ran, climbed and did normal tot activities.  The pediatrician we saw that day jumped onto me and said there was no way she had just came down with the infection and was quite intimidating , just stopping short of accusing me of neglect.  Never returned to their practice again.

That ear infection was only one she ever had.

What a terrible doctor! 

This reminds me of a time when I chaperoned my dd's class for a field trip.  Dd was fine when I left her at school after the field trip, but an hour later she spiked a fever and had terrible pain.  I took her right to the doctor because the pain was so severe and it was an ear infection.  She was 100% fine until she was miserable.  

[dirty ethel rackham]

Don't beat yourself up. It happens.  Especially when your kid seems to be doing better.  

I broke each arm twice when I was a kid.  Each time, my mom waited at least a day or two before taking me in, thinking that I was being dramatic.  I was 5th out of 6 kids and my siblings were always breaking bones.  So much so that the nurses at the ER knew my mom by name and would greet her with "Hi Peg.  Which kid is it this time?"  By the time I had broken my 4th bone, we had 27 known fractures out of all us kids.  If this were today, my parents would have been questioned for abuse/neglect.  But all of the injuries were either sports injuries that happened in front of dozens of people or when we were out playing with friends.  Back then, you didn't take your kid to the doctor for every single thing.  

[lovinmyboys]

Thanks everyone. I do feel better. After a second doctor appointment I feel more confident that his ankle will heal ok- he may have to have surgery, but it should work fine and be pain free eventually. I think he feels kind of tough to be able to say he broke his ankle and no one knew (although that isn’t really the lesson I want him to take from this).

[alysee]

It happens. My 6yo broke her arm needing surgery and after having xrays they found she had an old broken bone we didn't even know about. I felt so bad I wanted to get all the other kids xrayed 🤣  

Edited April 27 by alysee

[Halftime Hope]

I was trying out a new auger on a cordless drill to turn the composting leaf humus, and it bit into the dirt and instead of turning the pile in that spot, it wrenched my hand, causing strained/sprained tendons and ligaments. It hurt for a day or two, and I did lots of sprain first aid, but then it seemed to heal. About 6 months later I notice a sizable bump, and it turns out I had broken a bone, and the break was remodeling. There was zero indication -- no pain, never any swelling -- after the first few days, that anything was wrong. I could/should have gone to our favorite hand doctor, preemptively, I guess. I hope I don't have arthritis in that hand as I age. I have trouble with the other one due to repetitive stress from mouse-work. 

Sometimes broken bones are symptom free after the initial injury. You could not have known.

Edited April 28 by Halftime Hope

[sweet2ndchance]

My second oldest son broke bones rather easily, he broke both collarbones being born! Anyways, when he was in 6th grade, he came home from school saying he fell off the playground equipment, the teacher didn't think it was broken but sent him to the nurse for some ice. The nurse also didn't think it was broken and sent him back to class with ice. I looked at it, didn't think it was broken. Stepdad looked at it, didn't think it was broken. That night he was in tears while doing the dishes and complained his arm still hurt. Took him to UC the next morning. The nurse didn't think it was broken but would sent him in for x-rays to be sure. The doctor finally confirmed he had indeed broken his arm. Again. For the 2nd or 3rd time in his life at that point. You'd think that with his history of breaking bones we'd have just assumed he broke it but it really did not seem broken!

All that to say, it happens that way sometimes. Try not to beat yourself up over it.

[KungFuPanda]

A friend is a nurse and her husband is a doctor.   She once took her 8 year old in for a checkup with a new pediatrician and the doctor asked how long she’d had asthma. She was absolutely guilt ridden and completely baffled that neither she nor her husband put the clues together.  They were a close knit, homeschooling family that was ALWAYS together. They just missed it. It happens.