Update - Could OCD be the underlying issue? Husband struggligng with reality of longer term Prozac for daugther

[mindinggaps]

Several weeks ago I posted about my struggles with what was a very agonizing choice to medicate my 6yo daugther who was diagnosed with severe GAD with Prozac. As a brief summary, she's been struggling for a few years with extreme anxiety that has caused meltdowns, violence and general dysfunction. After trying all sorts of therapy, about a month ago we decided to proceed ahead with the recommendation of her psychiatrist to start Prozac. Since then, it's been a complete transformation. We started her on 5mg and slowly titrated to her current 20mg dose - at 20mg her daily anxiety induced meltdowns are completely gone. She is happier, calmer, doing better academically, able to focus better and is integrating better with other children her age. We did notice some mild side effects at 20mg, but these subsided and have been manageable. On the whole it's been only positive. She herself says the medicine is making her much calmer.

We are relieved that this was the right choice and appears to be helping her. Longer term, our hope is that we can rely less on medication and more on therapy, but for the time being, it's clear she does need the medication to function.

I was so hesitant to go down this path, but I can certainly say to other parents faced with this dilemma, if the doctors recommend it, give medication a shot.

Edit - I should also say, I've asked a bunch of questions and everyone has been so amazingly helpful. If anyone was questions for me, or is in a similar situation, please feel free to ask as well 🙂

Edited February 28, 2023 by mindinggaps

[Terabith]

That is awesome!!!

[mindinggaps]

2 minutes ago, Terabith said:

That is awesome!!!

Yes, thank you! The psychiatrist said she is responding ideally and so things really could not have gone better. Getting the right dosage also wasn't too hard, but I know adjustments may be required in the future.

[Kassia]

I'm so happy for all of you!  That's wonderful! 

[Dmmetler]

I'm so glad to hear that!

[Katy]

Yay! I’m so glad you found the right medication on the first try

[Not_a_Number]

That's great!!! Must be such a relief. 

[Ottakee]

That is wonderful.   I know the stigma towards psych meds but if this was a seizure med, or cardia med, or insulin or glasses you wouldn’t be second guessing yourself.   Glad she is responding so well.

i started one of mine on meds at her 3rd birthday and she is still on them over 20 years later….and what I say is if I knew then what I know now, I would have started her on meds at 18 months.

[catz]

Yay that is wonderful!

[fraidycat]

I'm so glad it is helping her. That is wonderful news for all of you.

[MEmama]

Thank you for sharing your update--so glad it has been a positive decision!

[MercyA]

Yay! So happy for you and for your daughter! 🙂 

[mindinggaps]

10 hours ago, Ottakee said:

That is wonderful.   I know the stigma towards psych meds but if this was a seizure med, or cardia med, or insulin or glasses you wouldn’t be second guessing yourself.   Glad she is responding so well.

i started one of mine on meds at her 3rd birthday and she is still on them over 20 years later….and what I say is if I knew then what I know now, I would have started her on meds at 18 months.

I agree, I think that if the stigma was less pronounced we may have medicated her sooner and with the benefit of hindsight, that likely would have been the right choice.

Can I ask if there was a particular point in time, indication or realization that pointed to the fact that your child would need medication longer term? While my husband is seeing the benefits and currently has positive view of things, he still doesn't want her on meds longer term. I'm trying to just focus on the here and now because that is what we can control. We did speak to the psychiatrist and she said it's just too hard to say at this stage what the future looks like - she recommended we leave her on Prozac for at least 18-24 months before any further evaluations. When pressed on what happens beyond that she said it's possible she could wean off and not need the meds, there's also a non-negligible chance she'll need them for life and it could be anything in between.

[Annie G]

Happy for you and your daughter! 

[AmandaVT]

2 hours ago, mindinggaps said:

I agree, I think that if the stigma was less pronounced we may have medicated her sooner and with the benefit of hindsight, that likely would have been the right choice.

Can I ask if there was a particular point in time, indication or realization that pointed to the fact that your child would need medication longer term? While my husband is seeing the benefits and currently has positive view of things, he still doesn't want her on meds longer term. I'm trying to just focus on the here and now because that is what we can control. We did speak to the psychiatrist and she said it's just too hard to say at this stage what the future looks like - she recommended we leave her on Prozac for at least 18-24 months before any further evaluations. When pressed on what happens beyond that she said it's possible she could wean off and not need the meds, there's also a non-negligible chance she'll need them for life and it could be anything in between.

My husband had similar concerns about our son being on prozac longer term. He was especially concerned about his being on it during/after puberty and the effects it may have had. Our Dr agreed that during puberty, the brain is making new connections, pruning, and going through a very heightened period of activity, but he made the very important point of - what would the effects of his brain rewiring/pruning in a state of heightened anxiety? That was enough to convince DH to keep him on the meds as long as needed. He started them at 9, and at 12, he wanted to try taking a lower dose to see if he could wean off of them. It was not successful, and his anxiety ramped up. I believe he wants to try again this summer when he'll be 15. The nice thing is, you can always lower the dose for a bit as a test to see if you feel good at the lower dose and ramp back up if needed. 

We also wish we had started DS sooner than we did. They can be life changing.

[mindinggaps]

30 minutes ago, AmandaVT said:

My husband had similar concerns about our son being on prozac longer term. He was especially concerned about his being on it during/after puberty and the effects it may have had. Our Dr agreed that during puberty, the brain is making new connections, pruning, and going through a very heightened period of activity, but he made the very important point of - what would the effects of his brain rewiring/pruning in a state of heightened anxiety? That was enough to convince DH to keep him on the meds as long as needed. He started them at 9, and at 12, he wanted to try taking a lower dose to see if he could wean off of them. It was not successful, and his anxiety ramped up. I believe he wants to try again this summer when he'll be 15. The nice thing is, you can always lower the dose for a bit as a test to see if you feel good at the lower dose and ramp back up if needed. 

We also wish we had started DS sooner than we did. They can be life changing.

Thanks so much, this is really helpful and informative. I'd definitely rather have her doing well on the Prozac than dysfunctional without it because as you said, I'm personally more worried about the impacts of the anxiety on her development than the medication. It sounds like periodic checks with lowered dosages are a good and simple way to check. Do you mind me asking, over his time on the Prozac, did he require many dosage adjustments or has it been pretty steady? Also, I'm assuming no longer term side effects? We asked the psych about this and she said, it's hard to study, but there's no evidence to suggest longer term exposure to Prozac causes issues and usually the risks of not medicating are far more severe. Anecdotally, she's had patients start as young as 4 or 5 and continue into their late teens or 20s. Apologies for the questions, we're just working through the reality that medication may be a longer term thing for her.

Edited February 28, 2023 by mindinggaps

[AmandaVT]

13 minutes ago, mindinggaps said:

Thanks so much, this is really helpful and informative. I'd definitely rather have her doing well on the Prozac than dysfunctional without it because as you said, I'm personally more worried about the impacts of the anxiety on her development than the medication. It sounds like periodic checks with lowered dosages are a good and simple way to check. Do you mind me asking, over his time on the Prozac, did he require many dosage adjustments or has it been pretty steady? Also, I'm assuming no longer term side effects? We asked the psych about this and she said, it's hard to study, but there's no evidence to suggest longer term exposure to Prozac causes issues and usually the risks of not medicating are far more severe. Anecdotally, she's had patients start as young as 4 or 5 and continue into their late teens or 20s. Apologies for the questions, we're just working through the reality that medication may be a longer term thing for her.

Similar to your daughter, he started at 5 mg and moved up to 20 mg. He's been there since - except the time we tried to lower it. No side effects- the only one we noticed was that his chattiness decreased a bit after starting. He would TALK and talk and talk. And then talk a little more. He's still chatty, but less over the top, if that makes sense. I'm betting it was one of his anxiety symptoms, just less noticeable than the panic attacks, anticipatory anxiety, etc. 

Don't apologize - this forum is great for questions and I never mind answering!

[Ottakee]

4 hours ago, mindinggaps said:

I agree, I think that if the stigma was less pronounced we may have medicated her sooner and with the benefit of hindsight, that likely would have been the right choice.

Can I ask if there was a particular point in time, indication or realization that pointed to the fact that your child would need medication longer term? While my husband is seeing the benefits and currently has positive view of things, he still doesn't want her on meds longer term. I'm trying to just focus on the here and now because that is what we can control. We did speak to the psychiatrist and she said it's just too hard to say at this stage what the future looks like - she recommended we leave her on Prozac for at least 18-24 months before any further evaluations. When pressed on what happens beyond that she said it's possible she could wean off and not need the meds, there's also a non-negligible chance she'll need them for life and it could be anything in between.

I have a different background as I have a degree in psych and special education so I am well aware of those needing meds long term.

Now my child tells the doctor NOT to take her off the meds as she recognizes just how much they help.   I remember when she was 5 asking me to call the doctor as she knew she needed a med adjustment.

[Terabith]

So, based on family history, my default assumption is that anxiety meds are usually lifelong.  However, we felt it was prudent to titrate off (slowly) and see what she was like without meds after several years on them. We tried at 11, after starting meds shortly after turning five.  We gave it a month with no meds, but it was very clear to everyone that she really needed them.  She was very verbally clear about wanting to go back on them.  It is both much harder to live with her without meds, and she was miserable without them.  She can very much tell if she’s even late taking a dose, so I don’t think she’ll go off them again. 

[mindinggaps]

1 hour ago, AmandaVT said:

Similar to your daughter, he started at 5 mg and moved up to 20 mg. He's been there since - except the time we tried to lower it. No side effects- the only one we noticed was that his chattiness decreased a bit after starting. He would TALK and talk and talk. And then talk a little more. He's still chatty, but less over the top, if that makes sense. I'm betting it was one of his anxiety symptoms, just less noticeable than the panic attacks, anticipatory anxiety, etc. 

Don't apologize - this forum is great for questions and I never mind answering!

Thank you again  - this is very helpful and reassuring. Based on experiences from others, it doesn't seem too uncommon to find a dose that works over the longer term, so we're optimistic she can stick with 20mg for a while. The psych also says she thinks this will work for the foreseeable future. When she initially increased to 20mg she was definitely more energetic than normal, but this subsided quickly and any lingering effects are a positive as she is able to focus better.
 

21 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

I have a different background as I have a degree in psych and special education so I am well aware of those needing meds long term.

Now my child tells the doctor NOT to take her off the meds as she recognizes just how much they help.   I remember when she was 5 asking me to call the doctor as she knew she needed a med adjustment.

4 minutes ago, Terabith said:

So, based on family history, my default assumption is that anxiety meds are usually lifelong.  However, we felt it was prudent to titrate off (slowly) and see what she was like without meds after several years on them. We tried at 11, after starting meds shortly after turning five.  We gave it a month with no meds, but it was very clear to everyone that she really needed them.  She was very verbally clear about wanting to go back on them.  It is both much harder to live with her without meds, and she was miserable without them.  She can very much tell if she’s even late taking a dose, so I don’t think she’ll go off them again. 

@Ottakee@Terabith Thanks to you both! I guess only time will tell. Interestingly though, she is definitely already aware of them helping her. We actually missed a dose one day and it wasn't great - she had a tough day, lots of anxiety and a breakdown. Since then she's often asked for her medicine in the morning and once told me she really doesn't want to miss it because she didn't feel good that day. I was somewhat surprised she is able to tell, but it's obvious she feels it helping.

[dsmith]

We started my son at age 10, he's 24 now and will most likely be on them for life. After reading this thread I'm realizing that he should probably be on a higher dose. He's a big guy, and on 20 mg, still dealing with some anxiety although not the level he was dealing with when we started this. I just wanted to mention that after seeing the consequences of delaying meds with a family member, I'm so glad we didn't hesitate. This teen family member has listened to negative comments about these types of medications for years, and now when his parents finally agree he needs them he is unwilling to take them. It's very sad and scary seeing what he is going through. 

[AmandaVT]

One other thing that was reassuring for me, is that Prozac has been on the market since the 80s. It's very well-researched and people have been on it for a long time, which made me feel better. I'm less hesitant to try out a new medicine on myself than I am to let DS try it. 

[MEmama]

FWIW, I recently started an anxiety med and when we were reviewing options, my doctor mentioned that she while rarely starts adults on Prozac, it's her go-to for kids and young teens because they tend to respond well with it. Of course, she wouldn't take adults off it if they are already on it and not having any issues. It's just one data point but I thought of this thread during our conversation and thought I'd mention here that at least for her, it's typically the med to start with at OP's daughters age.

[Ottakee]

One thing to consider is that with some meds starting and stopping them, can make them less effective long-term then just staying on a correct dose that’s working. That is more seen with mood stabilizing medication, but sometimes it can be harder to treat the more things are like to run rampant without treatment.

[mindinggaps]

3 hours ago, AmandaVT said:

One other thing that was reassuring for me, is that Prozac has been on the market since the 80s. It's very well-researched and people have been on it for a long time, which made me feel better. I'm less hesitant to try out a new medicine on myself than I am to let DS try it. 

2 hours ago, MEmama said:

FWIW, I recently started an anxiety med and when we were reviewing options, my doctor mentioned that she while rarely starts adults on Prozac, it's her go-to for kids and young teens because they tend to respond well with it. Of course, she wouldn't take adults off it if they are already on it and not having any issues. It's just one data point but I thought of this thread during our conversation and thought I'd mention here that at least for her, it's typically the med to start with at OP's daughters age.

Again, thank you - this is reassuring to hear. Both of these points are consistent with the message we received from our psych, especially during the phase when we were pretty hesitant to proceed with medication. She mentioned Prozac is a go-to for young kids because it has been established to be a highly safe and effective medications over many years of research and study. She mentioned that it's been around for decades, is extremely well researched and has been clinically shown to be one of the best first-line treatments for children. This helped ease our minds, but knowing that others in the medical field share this opinion is comforting.
 

1 hour ago, Ottakee said:

One thing to consider is that with some meds starting and stopping them, can make them less effective long-term then just staying on a correct dose that’s working. That is more seen with mood stabilizing medication, but sometimes it can be harder to treat the more things are like to run rampant without treatment.

Indeed, this point was mentioned by our doctor. My husband wanted to do a 6 month trial and the doctor said there's risk to stopping and starting - she recommends 2 years minimum before we even try a downwards adjustment. Frankly, given how well things have gone, I'm in no rush to mess with things. I want to follow the guidance of the doctor for sure.

[Jaybee]

I wonder if it would help your dh to reframe a bit. It sounds like he sees it as a possible cure rather than a steady treatment. 

[mindinggaps]

21 hours ago, Jaybee said:

I wonder if it would help your dh to reframe a bit. It sounds like he sees it as a possible cure rather than a steady treatment. 

This is an interesting suggestion. DH is definitely bothered by the fact that he feels she needs the Prozac to function. While I do empathize with him, I've come to realize that dwelling too much on this is not really relevant. The reality is the medication is dramatically improving her quality of life, she herself feels it is helping and quite frankly, yes she does kind of need it right now, however you define that. I think DH needs to come to terms with this but he is very scared she will be on it long term. I'm not sure how to alleviate this concern for him - like you said it is a treatment and while we hope that she can use coping through therapy as she grows, I do think we need to accept that there is at least the possibility she'll be on Prozac or other meds indefinitely...potentially for life. Personally, I'm trying to focus on the here and now, not worry too much about the future and make the decisions that are best for her longer term development. We can't really control anything outside of that.

[prairiewindmomma]

It’s fairly common for dads to have difficulty with accepting anything is “off” with their kids….they are often in quite a bit of denial about the severity of mental health and learning disability issues. It was an issue here, and Dh eventually came around. I think there was a bit of shame/stigma for him that he needed to deal with. Frankly, I view needing to correct biochemistry much like needing glasses or hearing. If a kid would see better with glasses, why wouldn’t we want them to wear them? Likewise, if fixing biochemistry imbalances results in a happier, more functional child, why wouldn’t we want to do that?

[AmandaVT]

4 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It’s fairly common for dads to have difficulty with accepting anything is “off” with their kids….they are often in quite a bit of denial about the severity of mental health and learning disability issues. It was an issue here, and Dh eventually came around. I think there was a bit of shame/stigma for him that he needed to deal with. Frankly, I view needing to correct biochemistry much like needing glasses or hearing. If a kid would see better with glasses, why wouldn’t we want them to wear them? Likewise, if fixing biochemistry imbalances results in a happier, more functional child, why wouldn’t we want to do that?

That's so true and my DH is a therapist - you'd think he would be the first to be all over getting help. Instead he really struggled with the idea that DS wasn't just being "difficult." 🙄 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

My son is thriving on a combination of Prozac and Lamictal, but we saw a huge increase in mood stability and a decrease in anxiety on the Prozac alone.

As far as long term, we have always expected that the Prozac at least is a lifelong medication. I have been on anti depressants/anti anxiety my entire adult life and while I have tried to go off on occasion, the results are always miserable and at this point my husband is insistent that I stay on Wellbutrin. I think that for most people these are lifelong drugs. I don’t view them any different than my diabetes medications.  My body doesn’t make something/use something right and so I take medication to correct that.

[mindinggaps]

42 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It’s fairly common for dads to have difficulty with accepting anything is “off” with their kids….they are often in quite a bit of denial about the severity of mental health and learning disability issues. It was an issue here, and Dh eventually came around. I think there was a bit of shame/stigma for him that he needed to deal with. Frankly, I view needing to correct biochemistry much like needing glasses or hearing. If a kid would see better with glasses, why wouldn’t we want them to wear them? Likewise, if fixing biochemistry imbalances results in a happier, more functional child, why wouldn’t we want to do that?

Yes, I do think he feels some shame and embarrassment. I personally struggled but really have come around to understand that the medication is essential treatment akin to glasses. It took me a while to get there and I am hoping DH will come around. The psych tried to explain to him that while the brain is highly sophisticated, from a medical perspective, it is government by biochemistry like all organs - balancing neurotransmitters in the brain isn't that different from balancing chemicals to reduce blood pressure. I think logic is not yet there on this for DH. He acknowledges that she needs the Prozac but at the same time doesn't seem to fully grasp why.
 

47 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

My son is thriving on a combination of Prozac and Lamictal, but we saw a huge increase in mood stability and a decrease in anxiety on the Prozac alone.

As far as long term, we have always expected that the Prozac at least is a lifelong medication. I have been on anti depressants/anti anxiety my entire adult life and while I have tried to go off on occasion, the results are always miserable and at this point my husband is insistent that I stay on Wellbutrin. I think that for most people these are lifelong drugs. I don’t view them any different than my diabetes medications.  My body doesn’t make something/use something right and so I take medication to correct that.

Thanks so much for sharing! Do you mind me asking how long he's been on the Prozac? Also, when did you realize it was likely lifelong? She's only been on it for a month or so, but I keep reading here about how most people tend to stay on longer term and I am more and more adjusting to the concept that the Prozac may be part of her life.

[MEmama]

1 hour ago, AmandaVT said:

That's so true and my DH is a therapist - you'd think he would be the first to be all over getting help. Instead he really struggled with the idea that DS wasn't just being "difficult." 🙄 

Yep, it took my DH over 15 years to finally believe me that DS might be autistic--and only then well after he'd been diagnosed. He finally gets it, more or less, but it's been really hard to shoulder this on my own all these years.

[mindinggaps]

21 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Yep, it took my DH over 15 years to finally believe me that DS might be autistic--and only then well after he'd been diagnosed. He finally gets it, more or less, but it's been really hard to shoulder this on my own all these years.

This sounds incredibly challenging and stressful. It really must have been a lot to carry.

I hope DH comes around and I think he is, but sometimes there are random situations that are hard for me to wrap my head around. I forgot to give DD her Prozac one day and it was not good - every since then she's often asked me for her medicine in the morning because she doesn't want to miss it. DH told me he doesn't like how she asks for her medicine and he think it's a negative sign. I was pretty confused by this to the point I actually asked our psych who said in fact she views this as a positive since it is a sign she feels it is working, isn't having bad effects from it and is taking an active role in her treatment. DH eventually came around, but still prefers if I give her the medication each morning. So he is getting there bit by bit, but there are oddities every once in a while for sure.
 

[Not_a_Number]

I think you should be blunt with your DH about not interfering or making her ashamed. I'd be very firm about that. He could do harm. 

My personal opinion is that anti-depressants are a lot less straightforward than, like, insulin -- people don't have a full understanding of how they work. But it's also irrelevant: your daughter is happier and feels better. If you found anything else that made her happier and functional, you'd be thrilled. Why not this? 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

12 hours ago, mindinggaps said:

Yes, I do think he feels some shame and embarrassment. I personally struggled but really have come around to understand that the medication is essential treatment akin to glasses. It took me a while to get there and I am hoping DH will come around. The psych tried to explain to him that while the brain is highly sophisticated, from a medical perspective, it is government by biochemistry like all organs - balancing neurotransmitters in the brain isn't that different from balancing chemicals to reduce blood pressure. I think logic is not yet there on this for DH. He acknowledges that she needs the Prozac but at the same time doesn't seem to fully grasp why.
 

Thanks so much for sharing! Do you mind me asking how long he's been on the Prozac? Also, when did you realize it was likely lifelong? She's only been on it for a month or so, but I keep reading here about how most people tend to stay on longer term and I am more and more adjusting to the concept that the Prozac may be part of her life.

He’s been on it 2 years now.  We went into it knowing that Prozac is often a lifetime medication.  Like many other illnesses, the body isn’t going to change its biochemistry causing the illness. We assumed from the time we asked for it that he’ll be on an ssri for life.

[mindinggaps]

16 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

I think you should be blunt with your DH about not interfering or making her ashamed. I'd be very firm about that. He could do harm. 

My personal opinion is that anti-depressants are a lot less straightforward than, like, insulin -- people don't have a full understanding of how they work. But it's also irrelevant: your daughter is happier and feels better. If you found anything else that made her happier and functional, you'd be thrilled. Why not this? 

Yes - I fully agree, I do not want any negative thoughts my husband has to influence our daughter or make her feel ashamed or embarrassed about the medication. We've discussed this and there is an understanding that any discussions of this nature must happen privately. He definitely still has his opinions, but seems to understand this. I've also asked him to occasionally give her the medication as I think this would be beneficial for all involved.

6 hours ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

He’s been on it 2 years now.  We went into it knowing that Prozac is often a lifetime medication.  Like many other illnesses, the body isn’t going to change its biochemistry causing the illness. We assumed from the time we asked for it that he’ll be on an ssri for life.

Thanks for sharing. We definitely went into the process perhaps a little bit more naive and not inherently thinking about longer term, but hearing from others it's more and more clear that this is a possibility and while our psych doesn't really want to dive into this, when pressed she said "yes, there is certainly a non-negligible chance she'll require Prozac indefinitely". For now at least the plan is clear - 2 years before any adjustments.

[Storygirl]

I don't know if this opinion would help your husband or not, but I will share. I'm the mom of a young adult who takes multiple medications and still needs parent oversight to make sure he takes the right medications at the right time and doesn't skip. This is a problem! My DS also does not recognize how the medications help him and relies on DH and me to communicate his needs to his medical providers. This is also a problem! The fact that your young child recognizes her need, recognizes that the medication helps her, and is starting to advocate for her own needs -- these are all very, very positive traits that will serve her well.

[mindinggaps]

16 hours ago, Storygirl said:

I don't know if this opinion would help your husband or not, but I will share. I'm the mom of a young adult who takes multiple medications and still needs parent oversight to make sure he takes the right medications at the right time and doesn't skip. This is a problem! My DS also does not recognize how the medications help him and relies on DH and me to communicate his needs to his medical providers. This is also a problem! The fact that your young child recognizes her need, recognizes that the medication helps her, and is starting to advocate for her own needs -- these are all very, very positive traits that will serve her well.

Thank you, I really appreciate this and actually shared it with my husband. All of the feedback we have received is that her taking an active role in the process is completely positive. Also, I don't think my husband realizes how lucky we have also been here - we have tried one medication and found a dose to which she has responded ideally with no side effects, and it has transformed her life. She has never been as happy as she is now in her entire life. A month ago she was having daily meltdowns and now she is doing normal age appropriate activities. I personally recognize that getting this point can be really hard and can take months or years of testing different medications and sometimes can still be a struggle.

He is getting there, perhaps just not as quickly as I'd like. Today he did give her the medication and she thanked him which was a moment I could tell was helpful in their bonding. He still remains somewhat fixated on the longer term implications of things and to this point I've mostly told him we can just control what we can now. However, last night I was frank and said that while we don't know what will happen we do have to accept that it is a possibility that she will need medication for life. He needs to come to terms with this and move on. And I get it, it wasn't easy for me, but seeing how well she is doing and thinking about risks vs benefits, hearing stories from others, etc. has helped me a lot. We sill have lots to learn, but we must just keep moving forward.

[Not_a_Number]

On 3/3/2023 at 8:57 AM, mindinggaps said:

He still remains somewhat fixated on the longer term implications of things and to this point I've mostly told him we can just control what we can now.

Not treating is also a decision with longer term implications. The idea that "doing nothing" is by definition harmless is a belief he should actively grapple with.

[FreyaO]

So happy for the beautiful news for your DD and your family overall! 

I also think the phenotype of men having difficulty with medical diagnoses in general is pretty common. They are also not comfortable talking about it with others which complicates things further.

Edit because I got distracted and posted something irrelevant, sorry!

Edited March 4, 2023 by FreyaO

[mindinggaps]

On 3/4/2023 at 10:28 AM, Not_a_Number said:

Not treating is also a decision with longer term implications. The idea that "doing nothing" is by definition harmless is a belief he should actively grapple with.

Yes, it continues to frustrate me that this isn't somehow obvious to him. He continues to ponder the decisions of the psychiatrist even though during the last appointment she explicitly told him that it is our responsibility to ensure she receives proper medical care. She explained to him that if she had broken her arm there would be no questioning of the treatment plan and in this case her medical recommendation is that medication is required and that without it, we are compromising her health and future.

She is continuing to do incredibly well, but my husband has been visibly more distant with her and I am very concerned about the impacts of this. Yesterday I told him that I think he needs to talk to a therapist to work through things on his end because we cannot continue in this stasis. Ironically, in the back of my mind, I'm also wondering if he himself needs medication. The symptoms he is displaying and his handling of the situation do seem governed by anxiety rather than reasoning. I dare not suggest this right now, but I do wonder...

[MEmama]

1 hour ago, mindinggaps said:

in the back of my mind, I'm also wondering if he himself needs medication. The symptoms he is displaying and his handling of the situation do seem governed by anxiety rather than reasoning. I dare not suggest this right now, but I do wonder...

It isn't uncommon at all for parents to recognize in themselves presentations their kids display and diagnoses their kids get. Anxiety, ADHD,autism, bipolar and many others tend to have a genetic link, but acknowledging that and testing to the degree we have available now are relatively new.

I'm treating my own anxiety after witnessing how devastating it has been for DS--and my brother. The ADHD and autism links are unmistakeable in my family now that I know and it's definitely caused me to reflect on my lifelong difficulties and view them in a new light.

It's possible your DH's reaction is so strong because he recognizes traits in himself, and either a)doesn't want to believe it or B) figures he can cope so why can't she (or some variation). Therapy sounds like a great idea if he's open to it. Even if her anxiety has nothing to do with him, he's going to have to be on board with her treatment or risk adding to her trauma and fracturing the family (BTDT).

[PeterPan]

nm

Edited March 5, 2023 by PeterPan

[Spryte]

I am so happy that you found a med that works so well for her! This is a tool she will have for the rest of her life — even if she doesn’t need this particular med long term, she will always have a positive impression about meds and getting help, and be open to it if it’s needed again. That’s a huge gift.

(Please don’t misunderstand me to be saying I think Prozac is a short-term med, I actually don’t think that at all. My experience has been that it’s best as a long term solution, but I would never presume that for your child!)

To share a small success story about meds: my mom didn’t get diagnosed with her various issues until she was 76. Yes, 76! She coped and masked, and made it through until retirement took away her coping mechanisms and she crashed. Once she was diagnosed and on the right meds — she was so incredibly grateful, and happy. It made a huge difference, even at 76. She is still on her meds at 82, and still grateful. Sometimes our brains just need the help. 

[Not_a_Number]

7 hours ago, mindinggaps said:

Yes, it continues to frustrate me that this isn't somehow obvious to him. He continues to ponder the decisions of the psychiatrist even though during the last appointment she explicitly told him that it is our responsibility to ensure she receives proper medical care. She explained to him that if she had broken her arm there would be no questioning of the treatment plan and in this case her medical recommendation is that medication is required and that without it, we are compromising her health and future.

She is continuing to do incredibly well, but my husband has been visibly more distant with her and I am very concerned about the impacts of this. Yesterday I told him that I think he needs to talk to a therapist to work through things on his end because we cannot continue in this stasis. Ironically, in the back of my mind, I'm also wondering if he himself needs medication. The symptoms he is displaying and his handling of the situation do seem governed by anxiety rather than reasoning. I dare not suggest this right now, but I do wonder...

If I were you, I'd stop talking to him about it. Be matter of fact about the fact that you're going to follow medical advice and it's not up for discussion for the time being, then stop engaging about it. 

He needs some time, and lots of people need the time to be totally unpressured for it to work for them. 

I don't know what I'd do about the distance. That seems totally unacceptable, but, again, that's not something you can change. 

[mindinggaps]

@Spryte Thank you - I appreciate this. It's been really helpful for me to read about all of the success stories people have had across various stages of life. I've learned so much from the helpful folks here and am always happy to gather any further advice or guidance. Certainly with each passing day, I am more and more seeing medication as part of her longer term treatment plan. I am very happy we went in this direction and hope that things continue to stay positive.

@MEmama I've really wondered if he is feeling bad about the situation because he sees some of her symptoms in himself and then this is in turn making him guilty since he feels responsible. I've reassured him countless times that we're on the right track.

17 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

If I were you, I'd stop talking to him about it. Be matter of fact about the fact that you're going to follow medical advice and it's not up for discussion for the time being, then stop engaging about it. 

He needs some time, and lots of people need the time to be totally unpressured for it to work for them. 

I don't know what I'd do about the distance. That seems totally unacceptable, but, again, that's not something you can change. 

Yes, I really don't want to discuss the topic much more with him and have made this fairly clear. The plan right now is that we will follow the guidance of the doctor, which right now if for her to take the Prozac for 2 years before any further assessments regarding longer term steps. Unfortunately, he is the one that remains fixated on things which is why I am encouraged him to seek therapy. I don't want to keep going around in circles with him because there is not much to be gained. He also needs to work to connect with her...much of this is out of my control for now, but I am hoping for the best. Again, I am happy my daughter is doing well and I think if my husband can get through this patch we will be in clear waters.

 

[mindinggaps]

Dear all - to everyone who has continued to be a wonderful source of support, guidance and information I wanted to share a quick update. It's now been over a month since my daughter started Prozac and we had an interesting check-in with the psychiatrist. Our daughter continues to do very well with the medication and is performing the best she has in her entire life. With her symptoms more under control, the psychiatrist wanted to do some further testing and exploration to confirm the diagnosis of GAD. In this process, she once again ruled out ASD but did say she thinks a combination of OCD and GAD could be the root issue. In terms of immediate treatment, this doesn't change much, although the optimal form of therapy to be used in combination with the medication may be adjusted. However, she did say that the longer term prognosis for OCD is a little different - medication for life is typically required and she formally recommends that our daughter stay on the Prozac essentially indefinitely.

For me, this doesn't change much. I am thrilled she is doing well and is happy. Many people have primed me for the realities of longer term medication and I am happy to have a clearer understanding and plan. However, for my husband this has been his nightmare. He views this as a worst case scenario and is not coping well. He is engaged in therapy though and I have told him that he must focus on this and at least now we understand the picture. In some sense I view this as good news for him because it gives clarity, now he just needs to accept and process things.

Edit - not too relevant, but also going to try capsules rather than liquid medication and see how that goes.

Edited March 9, 2023 by mindinggaps

[fraidycat]

I hope the therapy is able to help your DH cope with your DD's medical diagnoses and treatment. I also hope that the right therapy/med combo helps your DD thrive at her highest level.

[kristin0713]

I would not necessarily jump to that conclusion. The gold standard of treatment for OCD is ERP therapy. It is more successful than medication alone and often has better and quicker outcomes in combination with medication. This does not mean your daughter needs medication for life. She is only 6yo. I would start working with a therapist who is very skilled with ERP. Learn about how you as a parent can avoid accommodating her OCD and get her on the path to crushing it. Check out Natasha Daniels on YouTube - she has a lot of free videos and resources that are excellent. 

[Katy]

Ask him if she suddenly developed type 1 diabetes and would need to be on insulin for the rest of her life if he would feel the same way. It’s not different, it just feels different because he thinks willpower can control brain chemistry. It can’t.