Back to school or tough it out?

[Spidercake]

I am new to this forum, I wanted an anonymous platform to talk out a very important decision I need to make soon. 

I have been homeschooling my oldest children (10, 8, 4 and 2) for two years, ever since their school went into lock down in 2020 and we realised how little they were getting done at school and how much faster they were learning at home. 

The plan between my husband and I was that he would be involved and at the time he was, in 2022 he was offered a job that was going to be high involvement and high stress but also high pay. We decided to give it a go and see how we'd manage. It's been a disaster since, so much so that I am now looking at schools for the older 3 kids and hope to put the smaller child in day care for a could of days a week, I am so stressed out and pulled thin that I have developed stress hives and I am covered in rashes. 

Husband is not leaving the job and all my efforts to ask for help were met with " if you were more organised" or "maybe if you planned your day better"... 

I still believe that homeschooling is the way to go, I dislike the idea of sending my children back into the rut of day to day school but I just cannot manage it and I am afraid I am doing more damage to the family (me included) by homeschooling. 

I guess Im looking for opinions of this situation, will I regret sending them back to school? Have i been so overwhelmed that I've forgotten the reasons why I decided to homeschool? Is it acceptable to choose my own mental health? 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

There isn’t enough information to advise you. What routines do you have set up? What curriculum do you use?  What specific needs might your kids have?  Of course your mental health is important. But brick and mortar school doesn’t solve all issues just as homeschooling doesn’t either. 

[ScoutTN]

I agree with Jean, more info is necessary. What does a typical day look like? What are your goals? 

Only your older two need formal school. Fifth and third grades? 

Taking care of littles alongside of home schooling can be busy! Maybe some moms of many will chime in with wisdom.

[Spidercake]

Sorry yes I can explain better, I was trying to keep it short and simple... its anything but. 

The kids, the routine and education really aren't the issue, the kids are doing well, they did well at school too, they have no behavioural or academic issues the decision to homeschool was made mostly for the lifestyle and the opportunity to spend time as a family, to travel and to enjoy the children while they are small. 

The change in lifestyle never happened, because my husband works monday to friday we are still following that 'modern' cycle of monday to friday work saturday sunday catch up on life and theres no breathing room, I try to cram everything during the week so we can spend time together on the weekend but its just too much. My mother in law was supposed to come 2 days a week to look after the smaller children while I did school work with the older ones, my husband was supposed to work with the children on saturdays and take on two subjects, none of that eventuated or at least it did for very short period of times, and I feel let down, like this is my failure but it wouldnt be if everyone had done what they agreed to. 

 

 

[Ellie]

14 minutes ago, Spidercake said:

Sorry yes I can explain better, I was trying to keep it short and simple... its anything but. 

The kids, the routine and education really aren't the issue, the kids are doing well, they did well at school too, they have no behavioural or academic issues the decision to homeschool was made mostly for the lifestyle and the opportunity to spend time as a family, to travel and to enjoy the children while they are small. 

The change in lifestyle never happened, because my husband works monday to friday we are still following that 'modern' cycle of monday to friday work saturday sunday catch up on life and theres no breathing room, I try to cram everything during the week so we can spend time together on the weekend but its just too much. My mother in law was supposed to come 2 days a week to look after the smaller children while I did school work with the older ones, my husband was supposed to work with the children on saturdays and take on two subjects, none of that eventuated or at least it did for very short period of times, and I feel let down, like this is my failure but it wouldnt be if everyone had done what they agreed to. 

 

 

I can see where that would be a problem. 🙂 But maybe we can help you reschedule/redirect so that things are not so crazy.

How old are your children? And hoe many? Because although you say the kids, the routine, and the education really aren't the issue, I assure you they are.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Ultimately you  only control yourself. I mean, yes, it helps if your husband were to take some of the homeschooling load but he seems to be doing what I think happens in the majority of homeschools:  he’s taking care of the outside the home employment so that you can take care of the inside the home part. Only you can decide if you want to push him into a different schedule and if he would be amenable to that.
 

It was busy for me at home (though I only had two, both had some special needs) but I took it on as my job. Other people have been able to outsource some subjects, sometimes even in a hybrid with the public schools. Others decide that they want to delegate all the education to the schools (the majority default in our society).   I know you want us to advise you on which to do but only you know what you are willing to do. If you do want to homeschool, we can advise you on how to feel less frazzled but it will still be the equivalent of being a SAHM while also working full time.   (At least that’s what it was for me. It was worth it for me, though). 

[Spidercake]

Fair enough I'll take all the help I can get, I have to make the decision by the end of the year so I still have time to implement some new schedules. 

The kids are girl 10 years old grade 4, boy 8 years old grade 3, 4 years old boy doing some prep things as he's a keen learner but nothing formal. and baby boy 2 years old. 

Monday we usually meet another homeschool group at a park, this is usually free play, we are home by 1pm and the kids have rest time/naps while I do house chores and start dinner. at 4pm we go to martial arts classes for the older kids. home dinner and evening routines. 

Tuesdays the 8 yr old boy goes to a study group hes gone from 9am to 230pm, once he's been dropped off I will have some playtime with the younger kids, after lunch they have naps and quiet time and I will do school work with my daughter. pick him up and then they usually play together while I do house chores. then dinner and evening routines 

Wednesday is a home day - kids have free time in the morning, after lunch we do school work and then again martial arts classes for the older kids. home dinner and evening routines 

Thursdays - my daughter goes to a study group she's gone from 9am to 2pm and the day looks very much like the tuesday but with a different kid, he does have basketball practice in the afternoon, his dad coaches so I stay home with the other kids and start evening chores and dinner. 

Friday - is a home day - kids have free time in the morning, after lunch we do school work and then again martial arts classes for the older kids. home dinner and evening routines 

Saturday - 8 yr old boy has basketball games and 10 year old girl and 4 yr old boy have horse riding. husband takes basketball and I take the rest to horse riding lessons. we are home by 2pm and then I usually leave the house alone for a couple of hours (groceries, sanity break...) then we usually have some bbq and movie night .

Sunday - we try to go out as a family either a park or the beach, around 4pm we have family over for dinner. 

at the moment when I say school time or school work is basically english and math as we are trying very hard to keep on track with their grade level and have fallen behind so I have shelved all other subjects for now (its been maybe 3 months) while we catch up. they do history and geography at their study group sessions and I try to include some life skills in their day. For math and english we use the same curriculum and system they used at school as it seemed to be the easiest, it comes with pre made lessons and workbooks, includes spelling grammar and literature so I dont have to do any pre work. 

My biggest struggle is managing the younger kids, and keeping myself calm, I feel overwhelmed daily.

[bookbard]

I notice you're doing lots of extra-curriculars - martial arts 3x, basketball twice, study group twice, homeschool meetup . . . you don't have a single day when you're just at home. Even on Sunday you're hosting a family dinner. Are you still homeschooling to reduce covid risk or is there another reason?

[Spidercake]

Yes we are quite busy most days, I think that will only get worse as the younger kids get older, we had a terrible schedule for extracurricular activities last year but we seem to have found a good balance this year. 

The main reason for our decision was lifestyle, we had a great time during lockdowns, I honestly thought we'd travel and have outings learning having fun but it hasnt happened, I dont have any help and I dont see that changing. I have managed to find good systems for things like house keeping and schooling but it leaves me worn out and with no time to myself or with my husband, maybe my expectations were far fetched and idealistic and Im just not cut out to be with 4 kids 24/7 ... 

[Dianthus]

What are the study groups? That sounds like a huge time sink and something I'd drop to do at home. I try to get all our lessons for my 3 older kids (13, 10, 7 & 2) scheduled on one day. This year, it's Wed from 11-4:30. Then we pick and choose field trips and group activities on other afternoons but still have plenty of time for our school work on those days. Evening activities will pick up soon. 2 nights of sports practices per week, an evening music class, Saturday orchestra and sports games. So yeah, it just gets busy. I plan and prep dinners early in the day and dh and I watch sport together or we alternate.  I would try to free up your days a bit though. And have your kids start helping around the house.

 

[bookbard]

I'd definitely give up any idea of anyone helping you - if they haven't yet, they won't. I don't know when you're supposed to find time for yourself or your husband when you've got 4 kids. 

7 hours ago, Spidercake said:

I guess Im looking for opinions of this situation, will I regret sending them back to school? Have i been so overwhelmed that I've forgotten the reasons why I decided to homeschool? Is it acceptable to choose my own mental health? 

 

Yes, it is acceptable to choose your own mental health. And if you regret sending them back to school, it's not forever, you can change your mind. 

[8filltheheart]

Homeschooling is a choice, and it isn't a choice that is a good one for all families.  It is a full-time job on top of being mom.  Since you mentioned in your first post that you would enroll the 4 and 2 yr olds as well as the the older 2, it sounds like homeschooling isn't necessarily the root problem??

In reading through the rest of your posts, I would personally hate the schedule you have created bc of so much out of house time and schooling in the afternoon are the exact opposite of my personal priorities.  I refuse to do anything outside of the house in the morning because I refuse to let anything interfere with school.  My kids' brains are also more willing to function academically in the morning!  

Homeschooling for us is a lifestyle. I don't outsource academics for young kids.  We spend lots of time reading and discussing even through high school.  For 4th grade, all subjects would be completed in about 4 hrs, so by lunchtime, all school would be done and then the afternoons free.  3rd grade, in about 3 hrs.  The 4 yr old....other than sitting and playing while listening to some read alouds, 10-15 mins. 

The 2 almost full days you have listed for "study group" would interfere in our days and how we approach learning.  All of the outside activities would drain me of energy.  Our kids have been involved in quite a few things over the years, but timing is everything.  For example this yr, Monday is our busy day (violin lessons, ballroom, orchestra).  All school on Monday has to be finished by 130 for my 7th grader, 3 for my 11th grader.  Tuesday is choir and theater.  Wed piano and youth group.  Thur-Sun are free of outside commitments.  I guard our weekends for family time.   We definitely do things for fun on the weekend, but not scheduled. Flexibility to do family activities (travel, hiking, picnicking, etc) is a priority.  Perhaps if you dropped some of the outside activities, you'd have more time for the travel and family time you desire.

Only you can decide if you want to make this work.  I wouldn't look outside of yourself in trying to make the decision.  Making a homeschool work in most families really comes down to mom making it work.  I would recommend letting go of any resentment you feel toward your dh in not helping with school.  He isn't unusual.  Most dads aren't actively involved in homeschooling their kids.  Homeschooling isn't a necessity.  It is an option.  But it is a choice that is hard work, but it is hard work with great rewards.

[Ellie]

8 hours ago, Spidercake said:

 maybe my expectations were far fetched and idealistic and I'm just not cut out to be with 4 kids 24/7 ... 

I don't believe that for an instant.

I will join the others in commenting that you are out of the house too much. Park day doesn't count as part of the "too much." It's a time-honored event experienced by countless homeschoolers over the last 40+ years; for myself, Monday would be a bad day for park day, as I prefer Fridays, the end of the week, we're done, let's go to the park and relax because the weekend cometh. 🙂 But if Monday works for your support group, then it works for me.

I would also say drop the "study group." It's a time sucker: getting 4 young children out of the house and in the car and on the road in a timely manner first thing in the morning; and you're all thinking about how you're going to have to do it again in a few hours, so there isn't really time to just relax and enjoy the learning. The things your older two dc are doing in a class would be better done at home, because *home.*

Also, as I look at your schedule, it doesn't seem like you have that much formal instruction time with your older dc. Which is fine with *me*, because I am very relaxed with young dc, but you're concerned that your dc are "behind," so.... I'm also wondering about the math materials you're using. If it's what they were using in public school, you might reconsider that.

And also, have you read any of the excellent books about homeschooling? (including the Well Trained Mind, of course). If not, I would recommend it.

[73349]

You're running around all the time. It sounds exhausting. Martial arts, basketball, horseback riding, homeschool group, two study groups--even the background executive function demands of keeping up with the schedules, payments, emails, etc., is enough to weigh on somebody, much less the driving back and forth--all with a toddler to keep up with. I'm not sure that homeschooling itself is the hard part here.

What if you drop martial arts for the fall and consider re-enrolling in January if they miss it, as a start?

I'd like to point out that homeschooling doesn't have to be all or nothing--it might be that some children can be attending school and others at home, as a matter of what fits best. As you think about the next few years, you don't have to make the same choice for each.

[ScoutTN]

If you decide to continue, be purposeful and prioritize your homeschool. No half-measures. 

Homeschooling is not school at home, it is a completely different paradigm for education. Read and decide on an approach, a philosophy of education that suits your family. What are your goals? How does your worldview shape your educational purposes?

Read! I would suggest The Well Trained Mind and For the Children’s Sake as a place to start. Cindy Rollins is a fabulous resource too.

Simplify! Drop at least half of the activities. Park day should be late in the week. Your kids do not need outsourced classes!  Especially not in the mornings. Unstructured playtime is so important! Do not fill your kids’ lives with organized sports (and your time with driving. Ugh!) to the exclusion of the freedom to imagine, create, and play. This is a gem in the homeschooling life; don’t miss it!

Do school in the morning. Do not get distracted with household chores or your phone. Your kids’ schoolwork, including some preschool stuff for the 4yo, can easily be done in 4 hrs or less.

Math, reading, and writing 5x/week. Be consistent. History and science 2-3x week each and should be done with your kids together. Read alouds! Poetry! Math games! Music! I would strongly suggest using curriculum designed for homeschooling, not public school stuff. It will work much better and not have unnecessary busywork. These boards are a fabulous place to research. You can tailor your homeschool to your children’s needs and interests. What do they want to learn about?!

Plan some outings with like-minded homeschool families. Park days and good field trips. 

If all this sounds unappealing to you, your kids should probably go back to school. Even if you do that, take the time to read SWB’s Rethinking School.  It will help you be a better advocate for your kids in school.
 

 

Edited August 29, 2022 by ScoutTN

[El...]

It's ok not to do so many activities! I know I get excited about all possible opportunities, especially since we moved a year ago, but I wouldn't be able to do quality schooling with all that going on. 

Schedules don't happen TO us, though. We have to be in control and make the choices that matter. My oldest is 14, and I'm telling myself this, too!

[HomeAgain]

I find routines are easier if they taper.  Meaning, every day we start strong with a good routine.  Mornings are the most alert time for everyone here, so the routine is chores, breakfast, school.

Lunch is a relax point.  There's a reason why people in other countries take longer lunches.  We eat, we relax.  If necessary, we do low-key "work" like art in the afternoon, when the brain is less active.  This is our best out-of-home time because the strong routine has allowed for a natural relaxation at the end.  By 4pm, extracurriculars gear up: music, sports, etc.  Then home again for dinner, strong after dinner routine.

You can easily see an ebb and flow, a cycle of work and relaxation.  I think it's worth looking at your own schedule and finding a rhythm.  If you can't find it, tweak your schedule until you can.

The other thing: we aimed for 4 days' worth of work each week.  That gave us a day for daytime extras: field trips, co-ops, etc. Or just a day to relax and get caught up from a rough week.  It's built into our weekly ebb and flow.  The first day starts out strong, with setting up the overall lessons and focus.  As we go on, we get into the groove and then are ready for rest at the end.

[ScoutTN]

What @HomeAgain said! Sensible routine (not a rigid schedule) is your friend and ally in homeschooling. 

[JennyD]

You've gotten some great advice here on how to make homeschooling work, IF that's what you want to do.

But I would add that "I don't want to homeschool my kids any more" is a perfectly fine reason NOT to homeschool your kids. More than fine, actually.  For my family -- and for many of us on this board -- homeschooling has been a wonderful experience, but as 8 says, it's not right for everyone.  You have to *want* to do it and believe in what you are doing, because that is what will keep you going.  

You don't have to homeschool your kids to be a great mom!  (And heaven knows that homeschooling your kids doesn't automatically make one a great mom, either, more's the pity.)

But if you DO want to homeschool, then as others have said, I'd radically rethink your routines.

[Clarita]

16 hours ago, Spidercake said:

The kids, the routine and education really aren't the issue, the kids are doing well, they did well at school too, they have no behavioural or academic issues the decision to homeschool was made mostly for the lifestyle and the opportunity to spend time as a family, to travel and to enjoy the children while they are small. 

The change in lifestyle never happened, because my husband works monday to friday we are still following that 'modern' cycle of monday to friday work saturday sunday catch up on life and theres no breathing room, I try to cram everything during the week so we can spend time together on the weekend but its just too much. My mother in law was supposed to come 2 days a week to look after the smaller children while I did school work with the older ones, my husband was supposed to work with the children on saturdays and take on two subjects, none of that eventuated or at least it did for very short period of times, and I feel let down, like this is my failure but it wouldnt be if everyone had done what they agreed to. 

I think there are two parts to this issue (correct me if I'm wrong). Part 1 many have addressed above which is the stress of homeschooling and doing the school part. Part 2 is the lifestyle you had envisioned with travel, spending time with family and enjoying the children. 

The lifestyle part isn't going to come about just because you homeschool. If you want to do a lot of traveling especially when you are talking about multi-day excursions homeschooling opens up the opportunity to do that but it may also mean your husband is willing/able to take off of work and do that or you take the kids by yourself. I had friends for whom homeschooling allowed them to do that, but the husband didn't work for a year or so and took lots of trips all over Europe, North America, etc. They grabbed all the main books and a lot of flip to the next page workbook style or just reading for core work. Take their time at each location so they can fit in a little bit of school most days and have time to visit. Another friend takes closer trips and the husband just takes one or two days attached to his normal days off, once every couple of months and just go camping or whatever she school lite on the trips, but when they are home she often does school 6-7 days a week as opposed to 5 (her husband usually works on the weekends and gets 2 weekdays off). 

My family really doesn't do trips at all (my husband works the full M-F typical modern schedule). So I do school most weeks 6 days a week (most Sat mornings my husband either wants to do a house project or relax by himself anyways). We'll do school through normal school vacation time, especially if it's not a vacation day that my husband has. When fun opportunities come up or we just need to be more relaxed I just not do school on those days, because we've sort of banked the other days. I get an hour of leave mommy alone time everyday. The kids have to stay in their rooms (to avoid fights) but I really don't care what they do. If my husband is off of work that day he too needs to leave me alone for that hour. 

[maize]

Homeschooling multiple kids is a full-time job all on its own.

If homeschooling is important, and your husband is now bringing in more money but has less time to help given the new job, you might consider outsourcing some of the house work or other non-homeschool responsibilities. Can you hire cleaning help for example?

[shawthorne44]

I would take some of that money from the higher paid job and hire things to be done.  For example, a cleaning lady twice a week.   I'd normally say once but you have several kids.  Have you looked into hiring a Mother's helper?   Sort of like a Nanny only for short-term and while a parent is also in the house.  Like you MIL was going to do, but didn't.   

Do you have a nap/quiet time for everyone?   Not that everyone has to sleep.  But from X-Y time, all the kids go to the rooms and be quiet.   They can sleep, read, whatever but no electronics.  If you are stressed, you need that.  

Also. are there any College-Model Private Schools in your area?   You can sign each of your kids up for one class that meets for a couple of hours twice a week.  Another idea would be to hire a tutor to come once a week.  

 

[Servant4Christ]

My way is certainly not the way many prefer, but it helps me stay on track and sane! I use what would be done if my kids were in public school as a sortof guideline in the respect that schoolwork is happening Monday through Friday and specific subjects are being done on a specific timetable. Our school day begins and ends at the same time every school day like clockwork, at which point I can focus more on my household duties. I don't have the luxury of help from family or friends, either. I literally have to sit my almost 4yr old and 2yr old in chairs at our diningroom table and have them color, draw, play with manipulatives or playdough while teaching my 11yr old grammar. I teach math while the youngers are down for a nap after lunch. I have my oldest read his history lesson aloud to me and the youngers to give the youngers practice at sitting still and listening. We do art as well as science demos/experiments as a family. You can make it work with or without outside assistance, but you have to know your goals, prioritize them, and make the necessary adjustments in order to get there.

Edited August 30, 2022 by Servant4Christ

[daijobu]

I only had 2 kids, and I agree with @8filltheheart.  Mornings were untouchable for extra stuff like park days.  I want my kids to do the hard work of learning early in the day when everyone is fresh.  As the day progresses we do lower priority subjects until it's time to leave for ECs or park day.  Do other parents in your area enjoy park day in the AM?  Could you start another park day on Friday afternoons?   I had to decline a lot of fun opportunities, often simply because they occurred in the morning.  I only agreed if it was an unusual or rare or high quality activity, and I never had my students begin academic work in the afternoon.  

If your DH is earning more, and less available, that means you can use some of that extra money to outsource housework, shopping, cleaning and cooking and anything else that's sucking up time.  You can also use that money to buy babysitting and tutoring.

Homeschooling year round is another way to take off some of the pressure.  

Edited August 30, 2022 by daijobu

[Ting Tang]

I will read all the replies, but this is our third year as we started after Covid, too. I have four, too. I’m struggling! Public school in my area has gone downhill. I hate to spend on private school, which is better but still not quite up to my standards. Here I am. Many are here to help us. Big hugs. I’m exhausted! 

[wendyroo]

I'm going to be the odd one out and say you certainly can homeschool with park days on Mondays and extracurriculars in the morning. I dug up a post I wrote several years ago (when my kids were similar ages to yours) in response to another mom wondering about scheduling multiple kids:

"My kids are more or less the same ages as yours.  Peter is 9; he has autism, ADD and anxiety.  Elliot is 7; he has ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and a speech delay.  Spencer is 4.5; he has a speech delay and I am 95% sure he will be diagnosed with ADHD next year when he is tested. [Note from current me: it ended up Spencer has the most severe ADHD of all my kids, including Audrey who also has ADHD.]  Audrey is almost 2.5; she is largely non-verbal and is a spit-fire of a toddler.

Some things that are really helping us:

1 - I work with all the kids on small amounts of independence. Not independence like they go off somewhere to work alone (none of my children can successfully stay on task if they are out of my sight), but independence in that I can check in every 5-10 minutes to clarify, encourage and troubleshoot, and then they will continue to work on a small, clearly defined task somewhat diligently while I cycle though the other children.  Even my 2 year old is part of the cycle and encouraged toward independence, though her task might be to work on getting her pajama shirt off for a few minutes until I come back to check on her...then I have the 9 year old read me one of his Killgallon sentences to make sure he is successfully following the model, I check the last couple Beast Academy problems the 7 year old has done to make sure he is still on track, I glance at the 4 year old's Explode the Code work and answer a question he has about an unclear picture, and then I go back to clap for a very proud little girl who is now completely naked.

2 - I am incredibly picky about extracurriculars.  We do something almost every day of the week, but we find activities that work into our schedule rather than juggling our schedule around the activities.  Pretty much every day follows the same general routine:  Breakfast and school from 7-10am, then a snack and leave for an extracurricular.  Back home for lunch and the littles go up for rest time.  Math for the older two and then they have rest time.  If an activity doesn't fit into that time frame, then it probably isn't right for us.  Also, I heavily favor extracurriculars that can include most of my children.  For example, homeschool time at the gym has a class for 2-5 year olds and another for 6-12 year olds.  Everyone gets to participate and I get to sit and breathe for an hour.

3 - Right after breakfast I focus on "school" for the little two while the older two do independent work (handwriting, xtramath, duolingo).  Within 20 minutes the 2 and 4 year olds have done a little phonics, math and fine motor work, and have listened to a story.  I then send them off to play together (insist on it in fact) while I do school with the older kids.  I start out with history or science, which are my older boys' favorites, so that participating in school seems way more fun than playing with "the babies".

4 - Speaking of history and science.  Mentally I can only juggle one at a time, so we alternate them by semester.  We do science every day for the first semester which allows us to cover a year's worth of science in half the time.  Then we do the same for history.  I view both science and history as exposure subjects, so I require no output at these ages.  This keeps them fun, and greatly reduces how long it takes to get through them.

5 - We fit in a tremendous amount of academics by splitting them into short sessions and anchoring them to meals and other set times in our routine.  For example, math is always right after lunch - 7 days a week, the children automatically know to clear their places and immediately start their math.  During breakfast we review Spanish flashcards, practice speech therapy homework, read poetry, listen to a read aloud, watch CNN10 and watch a Spanish video. We also school 7 days a week, year round, so a little bit of time each day really adds up.

6 - I am diligent about teaching and delegating chores.  It takes a lot of perseverance and mental energy on my part to ensure the kids are fulfilling their obligations, but as long as I diligently enforce the system, it actually does relieve some of my work load.  I set the kids up for success, and me up for less frustration, by providing a lot of chore scaffolding.  I post detailed instructions for exactly how I want them to clean the bathrooms.  I give them a checklist to carry around to ensure they collect all the garbages around the house.  I post pictures next to toy shelves showing what they should look like when they are properly cleaned."

Back to Current Me: Nowadays, my kids are 13, 11, 9 and almost 7. My 11 year old goes to public school, and the rest are still homeschooled. We still do an extracurricular every day, and often they are in the mornings. We still school 7 days a week, year round. My kids fully understand that if they want to spend half at day at nature class, half a day at fun Spanish immersion, half a day of social time at elective classes like Escape Room and Circus School, etc, then they have to put in some school time over the weekends. But, our schedule still runs about the same: Up early, breakfast, 1-2 hours of school, leave for an extracurricular that everyone can participate in, get back between 12 and 2, do some more school, take a break, and then do either school or something quiet and productive for an hour when their brother gets home while he works on homework. On the weekends, my 9 year old does about two hours of work each morning (my 13 year old does 3). That brings my 9 year old up to ~18 hours of "school" each week at home, which is plenty since he does all his art, music, PE, Spanish, and science during his "extracurriculars".

[Servant4Christ]

7 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

I'm going to be the odd one out and say you certainly can homeschool with park days on Mondays and extracurriculars in the morning. I dug up a post I wrote several years ago (when my kids were similar ages to yours) in response to another mom wondering about scheduling multiple kids:

"My kids are more or less the same ages as yours.  Peter is 9; he has autism, ADD and anxiety.  Elliot is 7; he has ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and a speech delay.  Spencer is 4.5; he has a speech delay and I am 95% sure he will be diagnosed with ADHD next year when he is tested. [Note from current me: it ended up Spencer has the most severe ADHD of all my kids, including Audrey who also has ADHD.]  Audrey is almost 2.5; she is largely non-verbal and is a spit-fire of a toddler.

Some things that are really helping us:

1 - I work with all the kids on small amounts of independence. Not independence like they go off somewhere to work alone (none of my children can successfully stay on task if they are out of my sight), but independence in that I can check in every 5-10 minutes to clarify, encourage and troubleshoot, and then they will continue to work on a small, clearly defined task somewhat diligently while I cycle though the other children.  Even my 2 year old is part of the cycle and encouraged toward independence, though her task might be to work on getting her pajama shirt off for a few minutes until I come back to check on her...then I have the 9 year old read me one of his Killgallon sentences to make sure he is successfully following the model, I check the last couple Beast Academy problems the 7 year old has done to make sure he is still on track, I glance at the 4 year old's Explode the Code work and answer a question he has about an unclear picture, and then I go back to clap for a very proud little girl who is now completely naked.

2 - I am incredibly picky about extracurriculars.  We do something almost every day of the week, but we find activities that work into our schedule rather than juggling our schedule around the activities.  Pretty much every day follows the same general routine:  Breakfast and school from 7-10am, then a snack and leave for an extracurricular.  Back home for lunch and the littles go up for rest time.  Math for the older two and then they have rest time.  If an activity doesn't fit into that time frame, then it probably isn't right for us.  Also, I heavily favor extracurriculars that can include most of my children.  For example, homeschool time at the gym has a class for 2-5 year olds and another for 6-12 year olds.  Everyone gets to participate and I get to sit and breathe for an hour.

3 - Right after breakfast I focus on "school" for the little two while the older two do independent work (handwriting, xtramath, duolingo).  Within 20 minutes the 2 and 4 year olds have done a little phonics, math and fine motor work, and have listened to a story.  I then send them off to play together (insist on it in fact) while I do school with the older kids.  I start out with history or science, which are my older boys' favorites, so that participating in school seems way more fun than playing with "the babies".

4 - Speaking of history and science.  Mentally I can only juggle one at a time, so we alternate them by semester.  We do science every day for the first semester which allows us to cover a year's worth of science in half the time.  Then we do the same for history.  I view both science and history as exposure subjects, so I require no output at these ages.  This keeps them fun, and greatly reduces how long it takes to get through them.

5 - We fit in a tremendous amount of academics by splitting them into short sessions and anchoring them to meals and other set times in our routine.  For example, math is always right after lunch - 7 days a week, the children automatically know to clear their places and immediately start their math.  During breakfast we review Spanish flashcards, practice speech therapy homework, read poetry, listen to a read aloud, watch CNN10 and watch a Spanish video. We also school 7 days a week, year round, so a little bit of time each day really adds up.

6 - I am diligent about teaching and delegating chores.  It takes a lot of perseverance and mental energy on my part to ensure the kids are fulfilling their obligations, but as long as I diligently enforce the system, it actually does relieve some of my work load.  I set the kids up for success, and me up for less frustration, by providing a lot of chore scaffolding.  I post detailed instructions for exactly how I want them to clean the bathrooms.  I give them a checklist to carry around to ensure they collect all the garbages around the house.  I post pictures next to toy shelves showing what they should look like when they are properly cleaned."

Back to Current Me: Nowadays, my kids are 13, 11, 9 and almost 7. My 11 year old goes to public school, and the rest are still homeschooled. We still do an extracurricular every day, and often they are in the mornings. We still school 7 days a week, year round. My kids fully understand that if they want to spend half at day at nature class, half a day at fun Spanish immersion, half a day of social time at elective classes like Escape Room and Circus School, etc, then they have to put in some school time over the weekends. But, our schedule still runs about the same: Up early, breakfast, 1-2 hours of school, leave for an extracurricular that everyone can participate in, get back between 12 and 2, do some more school, take a break, and then do either school or something quiet and productive for an hour when their brother gets home while he works on homework. On the weekends, my 9 year old does about two hours of work each morning (my 13 year old does 3). That brings my 9 year old up to ~18 hours of "school" each week at home, which is plenty since he does all his art, music, PE, Spanish, and science during his "extracurriculars".

We don't school year round or 7 days a week, but we have a LOT in common on how the day to day schedule goes! The bolded in particular. I'm copying your number 6 because I need to be more diligent in that area. I never would've thought about taking a picture to show my littles where everything should go!

[Brittany1116]

You'll never be able to travel with all of those activities tying you down. I would cut to park day and one extracurricular per kid per season until you have more peace and more control. Instead of putting them all in school, why not put the two littles in daycare a few hours a day or a few days a week to focus on the schooling with the older ones?

[wendyroo]

12 minutes ago, Servant4Christ said:

We don't school year round or 7 days a week, but we have a LOT in common on how the day to day schedule goes! The bolded in particular.

I probably wouldn't either if my kids were a bit more neurotypical. With their special needs, free time is our nemesis. It is too open ended which leads to tantrums, fighting, destruction, lying, etc. And then, even after only a weekend off, they are completely out of the school routine and fight tooth and nail against any imposed work.

Quote

I'm copying your number 6 because I need to be more diligent in that area. I never would've thought about taking a picture to show my littles where everything should go!

There have been periods when getting the kids to do chores was a complete headache for me (honestly, it still is with one of the kids), but it has been soooo worth it. Now at 13, 11, 9 and almost 7, they do so much to keep the house running. We wouldn't be able to maintain the type of fun, homeschooling lifestyle we have if they weren't doing a big chunk of the chores.

[Dianthus]

3 hours ago, wendyroo said:

 

There have been periods when getting the kids to do chores was a complete headache for me (honestly, it still is with one of the kids), but it has been soooo worth it. Now at 13, 11, 9 and almost 7, they do so much to keep the house running. We wouldn't be able to maintain the type of fun, homeschooling lifestyle we have if they weren't doing a big chunk of the chores.

Your kids span my kids ages. What are their chores? Do you have a list? I want to add more with a list and a rotation so they take turns.

Edited August 30, 2022 by Dianthus

[wendyroo]

4 hours ago, Dianthus said:

Your kids span my kids ages. What are their chores? Do you have a list? I want to add more with a list and a rotation so they take turns.

My kids don't really take turns. I mean, my 6 year old is now doing chores that all the other kids did when they were 6, so I guess they all took their turn, but they don't rotate on a daily or weekly basis. I assign chores based on ability, preference, other responsibilities, etc. and the kids stick with them until I change the chart a few times a year or when circumstances change.

The kids each have a daily chores. My 13 year old makes breakfast for all the kids. My 11 year old, depending on the day, either changes out dirty bathroom towels or feeds the lizards. My 9 year old wipes the breakfast table and sweeps/vacuums underneath (he can use the Roomba if he wants). My almost 7 year old tidies her room. (The older boys all went through a training stage of tidying their rooms daily as a chore, but now it is up to them if they do a small tidy daily or let it build up and do a larger cleaning weekly.)

The kids also have a list of weekly chores. Each child cleans and vacuums their room, changes their sheets, and puts away their clean clothes. They also each clean a bathroom, and they all work together to gather all library books that need to be returned each week.
- The 13 year old also does a physical and digital tidy of his school things, he cleans the microwave, cleans the lizards tank, and does a thorough Roomba maintenence with filter and brush cleaning (our Roomba gets used a lot!).
- The 11 year old also tidies the van and empties the garbage in there, cleans out his backpack (he is in public school), mops the kitchen and eating area, and vacuums the hallways and basement playroom (he just needs to get them into a state that the Roomba can vacuum them).
- The 9 year old also washes and folds DH's workout clothes from the week, empties all the recycling into the garage, and wipes down the fridge, kitchen cabinets, and lightswitches and door knobs throughout the house.
- The 6 year old also washes and stacks cloth napkins, refills the cloth napkin drawers, folds and puts away towels (after I wash them), and sharpens all the school pencils.

[Ellie]

12 hours ago, wendyroo said:

I'm going to be the odd one out and say you certainly can homeschool with park days on Mondays and extracurriculars in the morning.

If things were going well, I would agree with you. 🙂 But they are not, hence all of our comments about park day on Monday and extracurriculars in the morning. 🙂

[Clemsondana]

I think that you need to figure out what you want and also what is causing all of the stress.  I've only got 2 kids, but we also keep a schedule that leaves many people saying ''That's way too much'.  But, I've found that, with the particular people who make up my family, they like this and do better when there are outside the house things set in the schedule.  Other families work very differently, and that's great, too.  If you have hives from the stress, something needs to change, but all we can do is offer suggestions for you to think about.  

My husband has always traveled for work, so when my kids were very young I realized that I could have any schedule that I wanted, but it needed to be one that I could handle by myself with some level of joy - resentment isn't good for the family.  I figured out what we could do with no expected contribution from spouse, because, whether he was willing or not, I couldn't count on him being in the same state as the rest of us.  When my kids were young, we did school in the mornings, had breaks in the early afternoon, and then had activities in the late afternoon or evening.  We had 1 co-op day each week.  As the kids have gotten older and activities have changed, we now have a schedule that is predictible in that it's the same each week, but Monday's schedule looks nothing like Tuesday's.  But, I make sure that each day there is time to do academics.  If there isn't, then something needs to change.  Different families, kids, and ages handle that differently.  Sometimes school is done at home.  One of my kids has always been efficient with 'car school' - they pick anything that is just reading, such as literature or maybe a book about science or history, and take it every time we get in the car. Some families use this as 'books on tape' or 'podcast' time.  We have often had planned work to do when somebody else is at an activity.  Some of my best 1:1 discusion with older was during younger's karate class.  Likewise, there have been times when I've planned to do 1:1 math with younger while older was at ball practice.  That may not work with the ages of your littles - it depends on where you work.  At a small park where they could play while you sit and watch while working with an older kid?  

Some other things to consider: a 1/2 day preschool 2 mornings each week, or a mother's day out, or something like that to give you focused time with the older kids?  I didn't want to outsource 'school' for my kids, but I thought of preschool as paying somebody to supervise playdates and do messy crafts and that was fine with me.  Somebody to help with housework?   A sitter for the youngers for the time of some of the extracurriculars so that you can work with an older without distraction?  Dropping the classes on T/Th so that you have more focused blocks of time at home, or looking for someplace that both kids can go at the same time to free on up one day?  Editing your activities to free up time?  I started by saying that we've always been busy, but we also didn't ever do park days becasue I couldn't have 2 days in a week (co-op day and park day) where we didn't do my planned academics, and given the choice my kids would prefer to play ball than play in the park....so, we kept ball and co-op and didn't do park days.  But with different kids we could have made a different choice.  The point is, figure out how many days you need at home to get done what you want to accomplish and then find a schedule that makes that happen.  For us, we needed 4 days of work at home.  Others may need more or fewer.  Maybe do field trips on the weekend, which lets it be fun time with dad while also being educational?  

I remember reading somewhere, maybe something from CS Lewis, that a lot of our resentment doesn't come from the particular circumstances, but from unmet expectations.  You've got a lot on your plate, and this is a tough set of ages from a homeschool perspective, but I wonder if some of your stress comes from unmet expectations.  It was a true game-changer for me to realize that I couldn't count on husband to help (again, not as a criticism, just a reality of time and space and work expectations) so I needed to own the schedule and plan, and if I couldn't do it, then I just didn't plan for it, rather than expecting him to do something that he couldn't/wouldn't do, planning around it, and then having it create stress for me.  

Good luck as you sort this out.  I tend to think that there aren't 'right' answers, so much as 'plans that work for my family at this time', so good luck in finding what you need to do, whether it's a schedule change, school, or a perspective change, or a combination of those.  

[wendyroo]

45 minutes ago, Clemsondana said:

I remember reading somewhere, maybe something from CS Lewis, that a lot of our resentment doesn't come from the particular circumstances, but from unmet expectations.  You've got a lot on your plate, and this is a tough set of ages from a homeschool perspective, but I wonder if some of your stress comes from unmet expectations.  It was a true game-changer for me to realize that I couldn't count on husband to help (again, not as a criticism, just a reality of time and space and work expectations) so I needed to own the schedule and plan, and if I couldn't do it, then I just didn't plan for it, rather than expecting him to do something that he couldn't/wouldn't do, planning around it, and then having it create stress for me.  

I agree with this 100%. I went into homeschooling expecting to take on the full burden myself. I have a fair bit of expendible cash to throw at the venture because of DH's job, but his free time is firmly devoted to being a dad, not a teacher. Sometimes he will announce that he wants to teach the kids programming or car repair or something, and I'm fine with that, but I'm also fine when it inevitably fizzles out after a session or two.

The upside is that I get to fully control the schedule, the curriculum, the expectations, etc.

[Jean in Newcastle]

1 hour ago, Clemsondana said:

I think that you need to figure out what you want and also what is causing all of the stress.  I've only got 2 kids, but we also keep a schedule that leaves many people saying ''That's way too much'.  But, I've found that, with the particular people who make up my family, they like this and do better when there are outside the house things set in the schedule.  Other families work very differently, and that's great, too.  If you have hives from the stress, something needs to change, but all we can do is offer suggestions for you to think about.  

My husband has always traveled for work, so when my kids were very young I realized that I could have any schedule that I wanted, but it needed to be one that I could handle by myself with some level of joy - resentment isn't good for the family.  I figured out what we could do with no expected contribution from spouse, because, whether he was willing or not, I couldn't count on him being in the same state as the rest of us.  When my kids were young, we did school in the mornings, had breaks in the early afternoon, and then had activities in the late afternoon or evening.  We had 1 co-op day each week.  As the kids have gotten older and activities have changed, we now have a schedule that is predictible in that it's the same each week, but Monday's schedule looks nothing like Tuesday's.  But, I make sure that each day there is time to do academics.  If there isn't, then something needs to change.  Different families, kids, and ages handle that differently.  Sometimes school is done at home.  One of my kids has always been efficient with 'car school' - they pick anything that is just reading, such as literature or maybe a book about science or history, and take it every time we get in the car. Some families use this as 'books on tape' or 'podcast' time.  We have often had planned work to do when somebody else is at an activity.  Some of my best 1:1 discusion with older was during younger's karate class.  Likewise, there have been times when I've planned to do 1:1 math with younger while older was at ball practice.  That may not work with the ages of your littles - it depends on where you work.  At a small park where they could play while you sit and watch while working with an older kid?  

Some other things to consider: a 1/2 day preschool 2 mornings each week, or a mother's day out, or something like that to give you focused time with the older kids?  I didn't want to outsource 'school' for my kids, but I thought of preschool as paying somebody to supervise playdates and do messy crafts and that was fine with me.  Somebody to help with housework?   A sitter for the youngers for the time of some of the extracurriculars so that you can work with an older without distraction?  Dropping the classes on T/Th so that you have more focused blocks of time at home, or looking for someplace that both kids can go at the same time to free on up one day?  Editing your activities to free up time?  I started by saying that we've always been busy, but we also didn't ever do park days becasue I couldn't have 2 days in a week (co-op day and park day) where we didn't do my planned academics, and given the choice my kids would prefer to play ball than play in the park....so, we kept ball and co-op and didn't do park days.  But with different kids we could have made a different choice.  The point is, figure out how many days you need at home to get done what you want to accomplish and then find a schedule that makes that happen.  For us, we needed 4 days of work at home.  Others may need more or fewer.  Maybe do field trips on the weekend, which lets it be fun time with dad while also being educational?  

I remember reading somewhere, maybe something from CS Lewis, that a lot of our resentment doesn't come from the particular circumstances, but from unmet expectations.  You've got a lot on your plate, and this is a tough set of ages from a homeschool perspective, but I wonder if some of your stress comes from unmet expectations.  It was a true game-changer for me to realize that I couldn't count on husband to help (again, not as a criticism, just a reality of time and space and work expectations) so I needed to own the schedule and plan, and if I couldn't do it, then I just didn't plan for it, rather than expecting him to do something that he couldn't/wouldn't do, planning around it, and then having it create stress for me.  

Good luck as you sort this out.  I tend to think that there aren't 'right' answers, so much as 'plans that work for my family at this time', so good luck in finding what you need to do, whether it's a schedule change, school, or a perspective change, or a combination of those.  

Yes. As someone else noted, having a rosy picture of freestyle travel and adventure (not sure if it’s solidified to an actual goal yet) is incompatible with signing up for so many extracurriculars. Neither is wrong. You just can’t be in two places at once. 
 

You know, while I did love homeschooling and felt like it was best for my family overall, I did struggle with reality vs my rosy picture of what homeschooling would be. I had this picture of a Tasha Tudor lifestyle (never mind that I lived in the suburbs) with my children gathered around my feet hanging on my every word. My actual real life children had different personalities, different needs and different likes and dislikes than in my imagination. I had to learn how to teach and parent the children I have. We had our own unique adventures and joys but also our own unique struggles. But that’s real life. 

[Clemsondana]

I'll also add, on the topic of travel and following up on what @Jean in Newcastlesaid...my husband's family did several very long road trips when he was a high schooler.  His parent's work, after years of seniority, allowed them to hit the road for 4 weeks 2 different times.  His job is flexible, so he'd imagined that we'd do something similar, or at least do some 1-2 week excursions.  But, the reality of life is that we have a lot of commitments and the kids don't want to miss a ball game to travel.  So, we squeeze in shorter outings - we did DC in the week between Christmas and New Year's when no activities are happening.  We've done some 3-5 day trips over fall break, leaving the weekends intact for games.  We've looked for something interesting to do when we were someplace for a competition.  Older and I have traveled to national Science Olympiad competitions twice so we've gotten to see some different, far-away things on those trips (I'm expecting younger to have different trips once they get older).  Spouse is a little disappointed in things not working out as planned, but we've seen things that we wouldn't have seen because we've needed to have more compact trips (either a road trip or a 'fly somewhere and spend 3 days in one place' trip).  So, our travel has had depth rather than breadth, in that we see more variety in one place rather than doing more drive-by tourism...and it's been good in a different way.  

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

I also want to add that unless you as a couple actually sit down and express the same goals and the same commitment to those goals, it’s not really fair to a spouse to set goals for them. I had this picture in my imagination of my husband building go-carts and backyard forts and doing all sorts of hands on activities with our kids. My husband didn’t have the same goals. It didn’t make him less of a father. He just interacted in other ways and provided for the family in other ways. 

[Spidercake]

Wow I feel so overwhelmed by all the responses thank you for taking the time to respond and give me feedback. 

I will definitely read the books suggested, I realised I actually didn't read any books on homeschooling at all, lots of podcasts and online research before we started but I didn't take the time to read books on the topic.

Like others have said I did have this rosy coloured view of what it would be like, I knew there would be challenges but the fact that pretty much none of my 'dream' came to fruition has me really questioning what I'm doing... I too envisioned my children going off in the backyard and playing discovering the outdoors, sitting in a circle at my feet listening to a book together, cooking together NONE of that happened, we live in the suburbs and I guess part of the schedule reflects that we are 'stuck' with the husband's monday to friday schedule and we still live in the suburbs so what's the point really... thats my thought anyway.

I will try and drop some activities, I feel like the study group is a drain on us both time wise and financially but it does do what I dont have the time to plan, like history lessons and debate and the social aspect, I might have to find a replacement where maybe its one day for both kids. 

We tend to go out in the morning because for most of the year where we live is very hot so its kind of ingrained that you do the things before midday to avoid the heat, personally I like it that way because the younger kids get tiered and theyre less disruptive during lessons. 

Agreed I think I need more of a 'classroom'  schedule, atm its just when ever the youngest is asleep.

 

[Shoeless]

I only made it part way through your description of your homeschool week. I felt exhausted reading it! And you are only getting in math and some language arts instruction, yes?

My opinion is that you need to be home more. I think you will find that once you eliminate some of the running around, you'll have more time to have the kind of homeschool you want.  You're losing time in driving here and there, getting kids ready to leave, getting everybody settled back down once they are home, etc. 

If your kids absolutely want to do study group/co-op day, I'd look for one where they both go on the same day. Your two oldest are close enough in grade that you could combine history, science, and activities.  It's also ok to drop this activity entirely. There isn't a ton of learning happening in most elementary co-ops. A lot of people do them because of FOMO (fear of missing out).

What's the priority for the kids? Social and enrichment activities or academics? Because your current schedule says that social time and enrichment is the priority. And that's fine for awhile if that really is what you want for them and it's what they need. We've had seasons where the priority was enrichment and social time.

But it's ok to stay home, too. I know there is often pressure to enroll the kids in 101 activities because socialization! and Adventure! As homeschoolers, we're supposed to be out there grabbing life by the horns, right? How can we do that if we're at home doing geography lessons?! But really, it's ok to be home more.  If I could do it over again, I'd have cut out half of the activities I had DS14 enrolled in at a young age. He barely remembers them and they only served to add stress to our days.

 

[Clarita]

1 hour ago, Spidercake said:

Like others have said I did have this rosy coloured view of what it would be like, I knew there would be challenges but the fact that pretty much none of my 'dream' came to fruition has me really questioning what I'm doing... I too envisioned my children going off in the backyard and playing discovering the outdoors, sitting in a circle at my feet listening to a book together, cooking together NONE of that happened, we live in the suburbs and I guess part of the schedule reflects that we are 'stuck' with the husband's monday to friday schedule and we still live in the suburbs so what's the point really... thats my thought anyway.

I live in the suburbs too and there are opportunities nearby to visit kid friendly farms where you get to milk an animal and look at poultry. Instead of how it's like on instagram where the kids milk a cow every week, my kids might do that once every couple of years or just once. We have parks and national parks around and I may schedule a field trip when they have an event going on and someone shows my kids the ladybug coming out of hibernation season. I schedule these big field trip excursions about once a quarter or less. On the other hand because I live in the suburb/urban area we have a lot more museums and things so we have a membership to the zoo and a science museum. We do those once a month or so, essentially when the weather is good for outdoors we go to the zoo, otherwise the science museum. The kids can free explore those places and there are times where we are only there for an hour or less. (Yea my kids get a ton of exposure to physics as opposed to life sciences.)

I don't remember where I heard/read this but there is a farm-y rural slant to some homeschool stuff.  That was because for at least a period of time (early on when kids going to school just started being a thing) city/suburban kids could go to a nearby school and rural areas may not have that opportunity. So some educators at the time wanted to show moms that they could educate their kids in their farm/rural setting and didn't need the glitzy glamourous sophisticated city to teach their kids. Now I feel like sometimes we feel we can't have a great homeschool unless I lived on a farm in the middle of a forest with a pond.    

Take a moment to grieve that the "homeschool of your dreams" isn't going to happen. Then look ahead and see what education and family can look like for your family,

[Ellie]

4 hours ago, Spidercake said:

Wow I feel so overwhelmed by all the responses thank you for taking the time to respond and give me feedback. 

I will definitely read the books suggested, I realised I actually didn't read any books on homeschooling at all, lots of podcasts and online research before we started but I didn't take the time to read books on the topic.

Like others have said I did have this rosy coloured view of what it would be like, I knew there would be challenges but the fact that pretty much none of my 'dream' came to fruition has me really questioning what I'm doing... I too envisioned my children going off in the backyard and playing discovering the outdoors, sitting in a circle at my feet listening to a book together, cooking together NONE of that happened, we live in the suburbs and I guess part of the schedule reflects that we are 'stuck' with the husband's monday to friday schedule and we still live in the suburbs so what's the point really... thats my thought anyway.

I will try and drop some activities, I feel like the study group is a drain on us both time wise and financially but it does do what I dont have the time to plan, like history lessons and debate and the social aspect, I might have to find a replacement where maybe its one day for both kids. 

We tend to go out in the morning because for most of the year where we live is very hot so its kind of ingrained that you do the things before midday to avoid the heat, personally I like it that way because the younger kids get tiered and theyre less disruptive during lessons. 

Agreed I think I need more of a 'classroom'  schedule, atm its just when ever the youngest is asleep.

 

I'm so glad you received our comments in the spirit they were given. ❤️

If you dropped the study groups, you'd gain back several hours each day, and you'd be staying *home*, and I'll bet then you could do your own history and whatnot. Also, your support group park day is all about social, so there's that. 🙂

[ScoutTN]

History is easy and fun!  Just ask here and the Hive will help you plan it!! 😉😎🤣

 

[8filltheheart]

I have been homeschooling for a very long time. I feel blessed by the fact that when I started there were few homeschoolers and limited curriculum options. It meant that being at home with mom as teacher and coming up courses that met my kids' needs were the only options. It meant creating a home where education was part of our lifestyle. Today's homeschoolers have lots of options, but more options do not necessarily equate to better educations. Nor do they necessarily foster a good homelife.

Staying home more for our family means we have more time to focus on our priorities,  more time to explore areas of interest, more control on pace and mastery.  

Outside commitments are disruptive. It isnt just the time there. It is the mindset you know you have to leave, time preparing to leave, travel time, and attempting to shift gears when back home. 

Weekend commitments mean no traveling with spouses whose weekends are their only availability.  Evening commitments mean no dad time when he is home during the week at night. 

Contrary to modern lifestyle views, running around all the time does not nurture well-educated, well-rounded individuals. It just means no one has downtime to spend thinking, exploring idea and interests, and just being free to sit outside and wonder. It means lacking self-entertainment and self-regulation skills. Instead of using imaginations and interests to decide what to do, restlessness means boredom resulting in a desire to be entertained. The ability to find books, projects, ideas, research that you really want to do (not tv, gaming, social media) during free time.....that is a precious life skill.

All that to say, you can probably salvage some of the ideals you envisioned but it requires radically altering mindset.

Edited August 31, 2022 by 8filltheheart

[HomeAgain]

11 hours ago, Spidercake said:

I will try and drop some activities, I feel like the study group is a drain on us both time wise and financially but it does do what I dont have the time to plan, like history lessons and debate and the social aspect, I might have to find a replacement where maybe its one day for both kids.

 

I think it's wise to look at what is necessary and the avenues you have for it.  Is debate necessary for a 10yo?  Most children aren't firmly in the logic stage until around 12, and before then debate doesn't have the teeth it could have.

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We tend to go out in the morning because for most of the year where we live is very hot so its kind of ingrained that you do the things before midday to avoid the heat, personally I like it that way because the younger kids get tiered and theyre less disruptive during lessons. 

Agreed I think I need more of a 'classroom'  schedule, atm its just when ever the youngest is asleep.

I grew up in a desert. 🙂 I get it.  You want to take advantage of the good weather while you can, before it forces you in.  In that case going out in the morning is a good routine for you.  The only thing missing is the consistency, where you are creating the same routine every day.  Having two days out is hard.

We used to do "bedtime lessons" when we lived in the heat.  These were things that didn't require much from ds: our read alouds, or Life of Fred/Anno math, or whatnot.  Curled up, everyone was tired, but it was a quick 10 minutes or so that just finished off our day.  You can weave any routine that works for you: history audiobook at breakfast/in the car, math as part of the getting dressed routine...but it needs to be routine.

I've seen the result of kids who just don't get enough consistency.  It is very hard on them as work becomes more complicated because they get 1-2 good lessons a week and forget between lessons.  I'm working with kids right now that have taken a 2 week lesson and stretched it out for 2 months, and STILL don't grasp the material. They forget every week.  If they had a consistent 2 weeks of lesson and daily practice, they would be absolutely fine.  They are behind, not because they can't, but because there isn't enough to fill the gap time.  If I'm not there, it's not getting taught.  For most kids, they need consistent reinforcement beyond a weekly lesson.  If they can't get that due to outside circumstances, it's time to drop until they can.

[Clemsondana]

If your vision of homeschool was kids discovering in the yard (or a park, or a state park on a weekly field trip) and curled up listening to read-alouds and cooking together, then cut some activities and make that happen.  Part of your tension may come from feeling like you aren't making your priorities for your homeschool happen.  For all of the busy-ness and carschool and such that I described above, when my kids were in elementary our summers involved a ton of free time...like, weeks where we had multiple days each week when we didn't leave our property at all.  I like life to be very seasonal, and between our garden and sports that's how it works (although, with the sports my kids chose, it doesn't exactly fit together how I envisioned it). 

In real life, there are several homeschool families that I know fairrly well.  There are varying levels of outside the house activity and also varying levels of academics, and I don't see much correlation.  What seems to be important is that families choose something that works for their actual people.  We know some really high energy people, and when the parents and kids are both like this then they seem to thrive when life is like a tetris game, with something slotted into every space.  We also know people who thrive with very little outside activity because they need peace, and we see everything in between those extremes.  But, while parenting and homeschooling is challenging, it shouldn't be so stressful, and if it's that stressful then something needs to change.  And, also realize that when you choose one thing you are choosing not to do something else.  Sports with weekend games are great!  But, that is choosing not to do weekend excursions.  And tha'ts OK!  We make these tradeoffs all the time in other areas of life.  We have a very large garden and grow a lot of our food.  We enjoy it, but it's also a choice not to go to the lake on the weekend like many of our friends do.  And, these choices fit together to give you a unique family life that is different  from other people.

One other suggestion...I always sit with my kids at the start and end of each semester and ask what activities they want to keep, what they are OK with but don't love, and what they don't enjoy.  I could still end up making a decision different from their preferences, but it keeps us from just going on autopilot.  I ask if they are enjoying things, feel over-busy, feel lonely, etc, and take that into account  My older teen is fairly busy, but also ruthless about saying no to things that they think will take more time than they are worth.  I have to work with my younger because, left to their own devices, they'd fill their days with extracurriculars and avoid school altogether.  For this kid, I have to ensure that there is a block of time each day for them to work, and then make sure that I'm creating an environment where they can actually get it done.  Car school does not work with this kid - we need 5 hours at home 4 days each week in order for them to manage academics (they don't necessarily need 5-6 hours, but they dawdle, so I have to plan around that).  

[shawthorne44]

Already-Planned-History and Read-Alouds can be handled at the same time.  
Have you looked into Sonlight or one of the similar ones?   You can buy a year's worth of History used and save some money.  Although there is joy in brand-new books.   It comes with a schedule, which I ignore but many people like it.  You can get one with an age range that encompasses your two oldest.   Then have all the kids listen to the read-alouds.  Then just your oldest would do the Readers.   I only have one child, but I've heard that younger kids absorb a surprising amount of info.    I also really liked Sonlight's pre-K cores.   There were some excellent books in there that I wouldn't have read to DD otherwise.   Like Piggly-Wiggly.   If I'd see that at a garage sale for Free, I wouldn't have picked it up.   But DD loved it so much we got the board game.   So, you can do a read-aloud for the older kids and a read-aloud for the younger kids.   I suspect that they will quickly all listen to both.  

Note, I do like the WTM History.  So far we've used Sonlight for Pre-K and American History.   I thought we needed a year of just American History.  I cobbled together my own similar Texas History, since that is required in Texas.  The people here are so helpful.  

Do your kids listen to many audiobooks?   I found that listening to audiobooks encourages the Going Outside and things like drawing, etc.   The audiobook makes them not bored, but their hands are free.   Your library likely has a subscription to an eAudioBook and eBook service.   Mine has Overdrive which seems to be big.   You download and don't have to worry about returning.   

Another thing that encourages DD to go outside.  She has figured out that if she hangs around the house and particularly if she has an attitude, I will assign chores.   But, if she's on her hammock listening to an audiobook I don't.  

Also, isn't your existing homeschool closer to your ideal than Public School?    You just need to change things up a bit so that you aren't stressed and move it closer to what you want.  

 

[seemesew]

I don't think this a homeschooling issue but an issue with too many activities. I have teens and you don't have to be that busy with activities even as they get older. I would do 1 for each kid and that's it! no martial arts and basketball. 

Also you're doing a majority of your schooling after lunch maybe if you changed that you would feel like you have more time? When we get up and get it done first thing we all feel like we have more time to do other things. 

What time are you getting up and starting your day? 

Realize that all the activities your doing now would be very stressful if they want to public school because instead of a nightly routine you'd still have homework after all the stuff you're doing now. It may be less busy while they're gone but you'll be busier in the am and pm of your day.

[seemesew]

On 8/30/2022 at 9:54 AM, Jean in Newcastle said:

Yes. As someone else noted, having a rosy picture of freestyle travel and adventure (not sure if it’s solidified to an actual goal yet) is incompatible with signing up for so many extracurriculars. Neither is wrong. You just can’t be in two places at once. 
 

You know, while I did love homeschooling and felt like it was best for my family overall, I did struggle with reality vs my rosy picture of what homeschooling would be. I had this picture of a Tasha Tudor lifestyle (never mind that I lived in the suburbs) with my children gathered around my feet hanging on my every word. My actual real life children had different personalities, different needs and different likes and dislikes than in my imagination. I had to learn how to teach and parent the children I have. We had our own unique adventures and joys but also our own unique struggles. But that’s real life. 

This is so profound! I'm so glad you wrote this because I'm realizing I have struggled with this without really knowing it.

[Wheres Toto]

I'm going to give another vote for too much time out of the house.   I'd lose all the daytime activities except the park day, at least until I had a better routine and handle on the school work.    History and science can be done with books and documentaries if necessary, especially given the ages of your kids.   

We also needed to get the meat of our school done in the mornings before going anywhere.   If we were out of the house in the morning, we all came back not wanting to do anything but relax.  

I would take the money going to the study groups and put it toward a cleaning service and/or a mother's helper.   

[ktgrok]

Like others said, you have a LOT going on. And that's "normal" in our society I know, but it is NOT what you say you want when you describe hanging out in the yard, spending time curled up together as a family, etc. You can't curl up on the couch together if you are at a basketball practice. You can't hang out in the backyard if you are at martial arts and study group. Can't be in two places at once. 

Now, maybe you sit and DECIDE you want the martial arts and basketball and such more than you want the hanging out in the backyard free play - and that's FINE. Great in fact! But you need to actually think and make a decision, rather than feel annoyed , you know?

For me, for many years we had a weekly afternoon park day, and then 1-2 times a month a field trip, and that was IT other than church Sunday morning. 

Right now we are scheduled a bit more - board game meet up at lunch time on Tuesday, homeschool PE thursday afternoon, field trips on some fridays, and an optional park day on wednesdays that I may drop if we can't get things done because that seems like more than may be feasible.